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Bucky isn’t sure the last time he was this scared. Daddy promised there were no monsters in the room and Bucky believed him. Daddy even checked under the bed and in the closet. But that was day time and yesterday and not tonight. And Daddy didn’t see the closet door open by itself.
Last week Clint and Bucky watched a movie together. They’d been working their way through horror movies (Mama and The Grudge being Bucky’s two favorites, but he really enjoyed The Shining even though Clint says that’s not really a horror movie). Bucky had especially liked the psychological horror films so Clint suggested they watch The Babadook next.
This was, of course, when Bucky was decidedly not little.
Steve had been worried and insisted he be there should Bucky regress.
"Just in case you want me," Steve said.
But Bucky was the one who ended up holding Steve’s hand and letting him bury his face into his chest. It felt nice to be the Bucky Barnes he was supposed to be. Before the fall. When he was still James Buchanan Barnes.
Bucky could almost imagine what it was like to be James Buchanan Barnes.
He most certainly isn’t James Buchanan Barnes right now. He’s Bucky and he’s very, very little. He doesn't even feel five. Five is too big.
The closet door definitely opened by itself. Bucky has gotten out of bed twice to lock it, but every time he closes his eyes it’s opened again. Wide open.
He gets up again and barricades the door with the dresser. It’s too heavy for any average person to move by themselves. A heavy vintage piece that Tony jokingly bought him.
“An antique for an antique, right?” Tony had laughed so hard that Bucky had laughed too. Even if it wasn't all that funny. Tony could be really nice some times.
Dresser in place, Bucky settles back into bed and manages to fall a little into sleep.
Then all the drawers at once slam open. One crashes out of its rails and clatters to the floor.
I’ll make you a wager, I’ll make you a bet…
Bucky doesn’t scream. He can't even find his own throat to scream.
He wants to turn the light on. He wants to get up and run to Daddy. His tummy hurts and just under his skin feels cold.
Bucky Bear says he needs to leave now. But Bucky Bear is brave and Bucky is just so little. He can’t.
…the more you ignore me the stronger I’ll get.
Something scrapes across the floor. Bucky jerks up. The closet door is opening. Slowly. As it opens, it pushes the dress to the side. A grating creak that hurts Bucky's teeth.
You can’t get rid of The Babadook.
Bucky swears he can see one of Mr. Babadook’s claws. But it’s too reflective and it’s not a claw. It’s a hand.
The asset’s hand. Bucky's hand.
And then the asset is standing across the room, staring at Bucky. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t speak. He just watches.
“Why are you here?” Bucky whispers. He’s never seen the asset. He hasn’t even met him.
The asset doesn't look anything like Bucky did in those old newsreels. Or the way Bucky looks in the mirror now. How many Buckys are there?
“Can you please go?”
Bucky Bear is screaming at him to run, to attack, to do something and it hurts Bucky’s ears. And he’s crying. He knows he is because he feels guilty and wrong and his stomach hurts so badly.
“What do you want from me?” He’s screaming now. All the things good boys aren’t supposed to do.
The asset moves forward, just a little. He looks like a giant cat. The kind that prowls and waits.
Bucky thinks of the rabbit and all that blood.
He thinks of the time his Daddy told him to cut off that bad man’s finger tips and bring them to him. He remembers his reward for bringing him all the right body parts. So much blood.
He thinks of the man Daddy told to shove off a building. Remembers looking too long and seeing the man hit a street light and then splat on the ground. More blood.
He thinks of Daddy cutting patterns into his back before he was even Daddy.
And it’s the asset’s fault. The asset has been so bad and always will be so, so bad. It’s his fault for doing bad and making Daddy punish him. It’s his fault for doing good and making Daddy touch him like that.
And when the asset approaches the foot of the bed, Bucky can’t stand him any longer.
Bucky has never attacked someone when he’s little. Bucky Bear goads him on, roaring and growling.
And Bucky knows he’s not as good as the asset. But the asset isn’t moving. Doesn’t move when Bucky grabs fistfuls of his hair and bites his arm so hard he tastes blood.
He swallows.
You’ll start to change when I get in.
And then the lights are on and Bucky isn’t out of bed at all. And Daddy is there holding him tightly.
“Bad dream?”
Bucky nods, petrified. He’s not crying. But he tastes blood and he can’t look away from the the oval of teeth marks in Daddy’s forearm. He’s not bleeding much anymore, healing up fast. But Bucky did that too him.
He feels so guilty he could throw up. But the asset—somewhere so far inside Bucky he’s not sure if it’s really him—feels good.
“Uh-huh,” Bucky says. He can’t look away from the blood on Daddy’s arm.
“Me too. I didn't like that movie.” Daddy says. “Can I get into bed with you?”
It’s not at all the way Bucky’s last Daddy got into his bed. So his stomach doesn't hurt. Bucky nods and scoots over.
He realizes he's still dry and feels absurdly proud of himself.
“Do you think you can sleep?”
“Um…can you stay here?”
The closet door is closed, but the dresser isn’t in front of the door or slid to the side. It’s right where it was before. Bucky never moved it.
Or the asset moved it back.
“Of course, Buck.”
Daddy guides Bucky Bear back into Bucky’s arms and tells him a story about a brave cobbler that saved the kingdom with the help of a princess and a thief. Then he tells another about a woman the size of a thumb who falls in love with the prince of the fairies. He tells story after story until Bucky feels sleepy. Until Daddy falls asleep halfway through a sentence.
Bucky isn’t scared anymore. Not with Daddy here. But he still can’t sleep. He feels itchy and he has to use the bathroom, but his body is too tired.
--
Eventually he does fall asleep. When he wakes up in the morning, he can’t remember much of last night. Daddy makes pancakes and slices mangos to look like stars. Bruce shows him how to make a rainbow with a glass of water and some sunlight.
By afternoon, he’s Bucky again. Fully adult and watching Evil Dead and then Evil Dead II with Clint. Clint gets a little stiff when Ash gets his chainsaw arm, clearly not having thought about it until now.
Bucky feels fine. Even if his metal arm prickles a little and he can imagine the taste of Daddy’s blood.
If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look,
you can’t get rid of the Babadook.