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It was all a blur. Sometimes you swore you even saw double.
But the image would fade as soon as it had entered.
“Hey.” He said your name softly, like he knew you were spinning and that every sound was an invasion to your senses.
But that was silly. He wouldn’t know that. His lips look soft. Does he use lip balm?
“Hey,” you say back. You wanted to say his name but once your lips parted, your muscles melted away at your bones.
You heard your name again and a vacuum had seemed to suck you back into the kitchen, your hand meeting the cold counter as he continued to look at you. His brows furrowed, and a sudden urge to pull him closer popped in one of your veins. You froze in your spot instead.
“I think Claire’s calling you,” he said.
You begin wondering if his voice had always been so … smooth. Soft. Gentle. Angelic.
Leon, when did you become … this?
You almost thought you said it, but you feel it brushing at the tip of your tongue.
Your name was called once more. “You okay in there? Don’t tell me Leon’s giving you a hard time!”
An audible sigh escaped him as his shoulders lowered. His arms were so large.
“Are you okay?” He asked again.
This time you move. Your face does, at least. “Yeah! Sorry. I’ve been a little out of it lately.”
You cleared your throat because he’s been through worse. Those leftover words were good for nothing in his hands.
“I don’t mean this in a mocking way, but … do you think you can make it to the table?” He tilted his neck to meet your gaze.
Your eyebrows rise at the gesture. You smiled, and you swore that he let go of a breath he was holding. “I’m not sick. I’m just spacey. Let’s just go.”
You both get out of the kitchen to meet Claire and Chris in the dining area. The food was laid out in glass casseroles and it nicely complimented the black marble table.
Quick, light footsteps grew louder and closer until a ray of sunshine appeared. A blonde girl waved at you with the type of smile that made her cheeks visibly higher, almost like her face was being squished ever so subtly.
“Oh, Ashley, I didn’t hear you come in,” Leon said, and it was a lot louder than when it was just you and him in the kitchen. He said your name, and it was brief when he stood with the blonde girl. “This is Ashley. I uh, met her on my last mission.” And then he introduced you formally back to her.
“Hey, it’s so great to meet you,” Ashley shook your hand vigorously, and you think you may have actually shook hands with the sun.
She wasn’t really ‘optimistic’ or ‘enthusiastic’ in the formal sense but there was something about her that had you fighting the natural urge to shield your eyes only so you wouldn’t melt them right out of its sockets.
Everyone was sat down for dinner, Claire giving you a knowing smile but you’re not sure what it is she knows.
Until she looks at Leon.
Then back at you.
Leon doesn’t seem to notice, lips moving to meet the critera of having a normal conversation with Chris. You couldn’t make out what he was saying, not exactly. Oh, you were doing it again.
Tuning out.
But you noticed the way Ashley looked at him, she was leaning towards him as she was seated at the end of the table. You sat on her right, Leon on her left, which meant that you were directly opposite from him and you haven’t made eye contact since the kitchen.
She’s smiling. You caught Claire looking, almost examining you. What was it?
You steal a quick glance at Leon only to retreat back down to your plate as it turns out he already had his eyes on you.
Then it’s the classic don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it movies shows stuff I like I forgot everything—
Your name is called and your head perks up by instinct. A small smile was ready on your face almost like you had it stashed in your pocket for emergencies.
“It’s been so long since we’ve heard from you, how’ve you been?” Claire asked, and Chris turned to you.
You caught the sight of him because he was right next to you and you knew better than to make the same mistake twice.
But you did, and Leon was looking at you. So was Ashley.
You swallow quickly, the few beads of sweat forming at your hairline drenching you before they’ve even begun their journey.
There was a certain air about Leon’s gaze that held you differently. It didn’t feel as sweaty or as scrutinizing as it usually did—and you know this because his attention almost distracted you from Chris and Ashley’s own. But then thinking about it now you become even more painfully aware of it.
“Oh, sorry, I was just trying to recall these past few days—I’ve been great! Been trying to write my own book for a while now,” you replied.
Leon’s head tilted slowly, slightly, surely, and you wished you didn’t notice it but you did. He never once stopped looking at you this entire time.
“Oh yeah, I remember you told me you wanted to be an author the first time we met,” Claire mentioned briefly. “What’s it about?”
Act normal. That was the protocol but what’s normal when you’ve been living alone with all your friends having been busy going away and fighting various monsters and cults you couldn’t even begin to fathom?
Your hands go damp. You put your palms on your thighs. You rubbed them slowly against the fabric.
“Oh, it’s just a stupid romance,” you hesitated but you couldn’t afford to be stale, not with them because they’re all you know. “It was originally supposed to be about a serial killer who falls in love with one of their victims but I wasn’t sure if I was up for something that dark so I changed it to a field agent instead.”
And then you feel your heart curl and stretch at the realization of what you just said. Maybe you should have lied a little. I mean, who does that?
You watch as Chris’s eyes widened at your words before his eyes wandered down to his food. It was bad enough that your hands were basically baking your thighs from the sweat and heat but your heart began rattling at your ribcage, screaming for you to just jump up and leave. Holes were melting into your skin, all still digging deeper as Leon and Ashley continued to stare.
For some reason, you look at Leon. You had the courage because somehow the dread drenching you didn’t burn you when his blue eyes met yours.
His brows furrowed. He was frowning, but it didn’t wreak of irritance or disgust. His eyes narrowed. His eyes were …
Tracing you.
They made their way down to your shoulders before looking back up at you.
“Hey, I love romance media! How far along are you?” Ashley beamed. Her smile was radiant.
“Just about … maybe twenty percent through? I’m still figuring out the kinks though, and I …” you make the same mistake a third time, another glance stolen and it had only proven that Leon seemed to be catching onto something you thought he was reading all wrong. Yes, he was reading it all wrong. All wrong. “I’ve yet to do the necessary research for that kind of stuff. But then again, researching for experiences from secret agents isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do.”
‘Secret agent’? What are you, four?
Your brain was soon just a large ball of mutated thoughts ranging from ‘no this isn’t me asking for help from you guys shit’ to ‘shit I have nothing on my plate’ then it ran on, leaving everything else behind with—
Leon is looking me
I need help
No I don’t but I do then again I’ve been okay without them but I do
I didn’t even want to talk about this
My shirt is sticking to me and I hate it I want to leave no I don’t because I miss them
Why are you looking me say something
Ashley is so pretty—
“You know what, I don’t think Leon would mind if you asked him. You guys go way back right?”
“Yeah, we do,” Leon chimed in, and you finally had a good enough reason to look at him. The way he said your name again sucked the tension out of your shoulders, allowing them to drop and relax a little. “Do you need help with your book?”
Your throat forms the words like an automated response. “Uh yeah, if you’re okay with it, I know you’re busy so it’s completely fine if you don’t want to.”
“Okay,” he said plainly, taking a stab at some meat on his plate before he ate it.
You shouldn’t have expected him to say more. You look back down at your empty plate.
“I mean, I’ll let you know if I don’t want to,” Leon corrected, making you perk back up at him.
You nodded in acknowledgement before looking back down at your plate.
It was white, only consisting of grey shadows and some faint scratches on its sides. But it held nothing of what it was supposed to.
Even looking at the food was too much. Bile made it up to your throat and you swallow it down before it ruined what little of yourself you had left.
“Sorry Leon um—where’s the bathroom?”
“Down the hall, turn right, second last door.” He looked at you again with the same sort of concern in his eyes, only looking away when you followed his directions.
You walk normally but as soon as you disappeared into the hall you were running like monsters were lurking in every corner, because honestly, they were. You were only safe once you got into the bathroom, making sure the door was locked tight.
You fell to the floor, the toilet staring right back at you.
You exhaled deeply, hugging your knees to your chest as you deflated.
You should have slept properly the previous night. You should have somewhat fixed yourself before coming here, but you gave yourself the excuse that these people were your closest friends—time wouldn’t have changed much between you, but apparently it did.
Or maybe it was your fault. Your fault for acting weird. It’s not even that hard.
Oh, but it really is, some days. Sleep and food were complicated things that you had to learn to juggle because they weren’t in your hands a lot of the time and if you had one you’d have to pray to get the other without feeling guilty, lazy, or absolutely filthy to the point of scratching away at your skin—
But you couldn’t get into it. Not in Leon’s bathroom.
Your life isn’t even difficult, especially not in the eyes of Leon and Chris and Claire and probably even Ashley. Yeah, you have this constant melting, burning sense of dread just seeping into your pores from the moment you wake up to the moment sleep decides to have you but you have a decent job that unlike theirs, doesn’t traumatize you or doesn’t threaten your life in any way but you wanted to end it more than half the time.
You jolted at the soft, muffled sound of your name and it was only then when tears seemed to burst from your eyelids. You were holding them back but the thoughts in your head kept you so occupied it never really registered that you were already in tears.
It was truly pathetic.
“Are you okay?”
You immediately recognize the gentle voice prying at the door. You sniffed, silent prayers leaving your lips in hopes that he doesn’t realize you’re crying from the way your stuffy nose affect your speech. You suddenly remember his scent, somehow a little sweet but mostly woody, and you miss it.
“Please, answer me.”
He sounded desperate. Closer, somehow. Like he was kneeling, like he knew you were on the floor.
“Yeah—” you wipe away your tears quickly, “yeah I’m fine, Leon.”
“I’m sorry if this is an awkward question … but can I come in?” He asked.
You failed to answer from the shock.
“I mean, if you aren’t … you know …”
You shook your head to sort of ground yourself before unlocking the door.
He let himself in and quickly locked the door again as soon as he entered. Now his chest was inches from your face and you couldn’t move back because it was a guest bathroom meaning it wasn’t meant big enough for two people. He takes the smallest step back and it makes all the difference.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered.
You suddenly felt awake as you looked back up at him.
“For hosting a great dinner for all of us? Leon there’s nothing you should be sorry about. I mean, you never do things like this, you know? It was great to see everyone back and it was so good knowing you’re alive and well after your last mission.”
“I knew you had some problems to sort out and that they might have been bad for social gatherings and I invited you anyway.” He was struggling, and if you were him, you would struggle too; he barely talks this much and you felt an ache at your chest as his troubled expression. “I wanted to invite you over alone, just you and me to … see how you were doing, but I felt like … I was overstepping a boundary.”
“You’re not overstepping a boundary, Leon,” you reassured quickly, and you held the side of his arm by instinct. He tensed at your touch, but you were unable to detect if it was a good or bad thing. “It’s me, I’m sorry, your food looks fantastic I just—I don’t know if I have the stomach for it today, I’m really sorry—”
“Do you need them to leave? We can postpone this to a different night,” he suggested, and he seemed to notice your puffy eyes because the next thing you knew, you were still at his touch. He wiped away a tear from your cheek. He knows you don’t want to talk about it, because he’s not asking about it but you feel like telling him everything because he deserved to know.
“But we’ve already started. I thought I could do it, but I’m just … a little tired,” you said softly, each going further and further back down your throat. “I know you are too. I don’t mean to be insensitive—”
“Hey,” he crooned, taking your hand in his and gently rubbing your knuckles. “You’re allowed to feel exhausted. I wished someone had told me this when I was younger but don’t ever discount your feelings or trauma just because someone else may have experienced worse. I don’t care about all that shit right now, in fact I really want to stop thinking about it, you know?”
“But wouldn’t you feel like I have no right to feel this way? Especially with the things you’ve seen? Fought? Killed?” You questioned, your lips soon trembling as you held back your tears. “I mean, imagine how stupid it is to have a voice constantly mocking your weight even though it’s not even that bad or how everyone at the table is looking at you and realizing just how plain of a person you are. It’s stupid, and it’s horrible.”
You couldn’t have them, not now. Not in front of him. He may have wiped away a tear but you were going to try your hardest not to let anything else slip. He didn’t deserve that.
All Leon could do was exhale through his nose, the inner corner of his eyebrows raising as his jaw clenched.
“I wish I could show you just how much you mean to me,” he whispered. “I can’t … tell you how many times I’ve thought about you during my mission. If you were still okay. If you were eating. If you were getting any sleep.”
It suddenly dawned on you, the meaning of his words almost sinking into your veins but you don’t let it all fall in.
“Leon …” your voice was trembling. You couldn’t move. Maybe you didn’t want to. “What are you saying?”
You wanted it. A real statement. Confirmation. Something.
“I’m saying I want you.” He uttered you name again and it sent a shivers down your spine you never quite recover from, because it leaves your back weak for the rest of the night. But you persist, looking at him as he was at you.
“Come on, Leon, are you sure this has nothing to do with Ada or—”
“She disappeared for six years. It broke me, as if Racoon City hasn’t done enough of that already. When I saw her again … I didn’t have it in me to do it all again. But you … you were there even before my transfer. You were there when I needed it. You took care of me,” he explained thoughtfully. “Now it’s my turn.”
“What about that new girl? Ashley?”
“She was the girl I had to rescue for my last mission. Anything else?”
“Leon … you—you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” you stuttered, covering your lips with the knuckles of your fingers, your other arm going across your torso.
“I’ve known you for years—”
“But I don’t talk to you about what I’m going through because it’s nothing compared to—”
“Don’t say that, please don’t say that.”
He was almost begging. It makes you cry even more, but you don’t show him the way your eyes are narrowing and burning.
“Even if you think you’re ugly, you’ve always been so pretty in my eyes,” he began, holding out his arms as he invited you into a hug, and you ease yourself into it. “So what if you have a stomach? You’re not a cop, or a trained agent. No one expects you not to have one. I may not have anxiety or depression but I know it’s difficult for anyone who has it, especially for a friend I’ve known for years.”
“It’s even more difficult to like someone with it.”
“Well, I do. So if you don’t mind …” he pulls you in tighter, his warmth wrapping you like a warm blanket. “I’d like to like you a little more.”
And that was the last drop the dam could hold before it broke.
You sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed, holding him as tight as you could, as he held you all the same.
“Please don’t do this,” you begged through your tears.
“Do what?” He asked gently, like a wind blowing past your face.
“Care for me. Not this much. Please,” you manage to sob out. You’re sure Leon could feel how damp his shirt had become and the guilt was eating at your flesh.
“What if I want to?” He asked.
“You … c-can’t,” your breathing stuttered, as it usually does when you’re sobbing.
“Why not?” He kept on pushing. You shouldn’t have expected any less from Leon.
“Because I’m gonna need you more than you need me,” you finally blurted, and you felt a warm hand slide down your cheek before he lifted your chin.
“I assure you, I’m gonna need you just as much as you need me,” Leon said. His eyes were crestfallen, as though he was saddened by your current state. “I haven’t felt this way in a long time, and … even then it was never really an urge until now.”
Urge.
Urge.
Urge?
An idea smacked you so hard your legs always gave in, and your vision doubled.
You knew it was stupid. Everything, all this questioning was. But when you live with demons in your bedroom that follow you everywhere, you use them sometimes.
“What about … what about Claire?”
You had to make sure.
“What about Claire?” He repeated, almost sounding confused. “Chris didn’t talk about the fucking Redfield bloodline to you, did he?”
You shook your head. “I just thought that … you know, because you met her during …”
“Claire and I haven’t had anything between each other. In all honesty, maybe there could have been something in Racoon City, but that clashed with … Ada’s bullshit and I’ve been too fucked in the head over Ada to even think about Claire that way again. Nothing else happened.”
You pressed your lips into a thin line, unable to look at him again.
He rubbed gentle circles into your back as you both stay in that position for a while.
“What do I have to do to prove to you that you’re everything to me?”
You paused. Froze. Something. You weren’t really sure but you could have sworn your heart refused to beat at that moment.
Your lips parted to form the first syllable. You could feel your stomach rising to your chest in an effort to stop you but it was too late.
“Take me,” you murmur slowly.
You felt the slow rising and falling of his chest, but with your ear pressed against him, you swore his heart began to race.
“Take you … where?” He asked innocently. It made you feel even worse, but you’ve already come this far.
“Here,” you repeated.
He paused for a moment, and you heard his breath hitched when he finally understood what you meant.
Leon pulled away from the hug, holding your shoulders firmly as he bent down to meet your eye level.
He said your name. Oh, it sounded so good falling from his lips like it was his to say. “You’re not thinking straight. I can’t do that to you. Not while you’re at your lowest.”
“Nowhere to go but … up, right?” You joked with a small shrug, and he clenched his jaw, a stern look overtaking his complexion. “I know it’s stupid I’m sorry I just thought—”
“Do you really want me to?” He asked before you could go on a tangent.
“Of course, I do. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t want it,” you said airily.
You could hear him thinking as his eyes wandered away for a moment. He let his head drop for a second before looking at you again.
“When?” He asked.
Your heart was trembling in your throat. You try to swallow it down. “Now.”
There’s no way he’s gonna go for it. There’s guests outside, his closest friends no less—
“Okay.”
“What?”
“You want me to take you right here, right now, right?”
“Well yes but I didn’t expect you to say yes.”
“Okay, do you still want to?”
“Yes, but what about our friends outside—”
“If you want me now, then I’ll make sure you feel like a fucking princess the moment we leave this bathroom, okay?” He breathed. “Our friends can wait.”
You inhaled and exhaled slowly, hoping it would ease your giddiness a little. “Okay.”
He leaned against the marble counter, allowing some space between the both of you.
“So …”
“I’m … gonna let you start. I’ll do the rest but I want you to be able to back out in case you change your mind,” he explained. “You can do whatever you want to me.”
In this moment, you stared him up and down, fully soaking in the sight of his loose cargo pants and his tight black shirt. How can someone look so cute and hot at the same time? His biceps were flexed as they were propped behind him on the counter. There was a vein on one of them that had caught your attention, your eyes tracing it all the way down to his forearm. This was the most appetite you had all week.
You take a cautionary step forward, and it was almost experimental when you halted before you could lay a finger on him. He simply closed his eyes, and your gaze lingered on his dark blond eyelashes. It was a bright bleached color from the yellowish light of his guest bathroom.
It was pretty.
Your hands delicately land on his cheeks, feeling his rough skin on palms and his soft hair on your fingertips. You leaned in, and your lips touched his. He reciprocated immediately with his eyes still closed.
He was tender with it, just as you were when you initiated it. You both stood there, and you thought for a moment that you were so hot you were going to blow.
His hands slither around your waist as he pressed you against him affably.
You pull away in slight shock, the contact hitting you all of a sudden as all you could was stare at his face. He looked inebriated on your touch alone, his eyes at half-mast as he gazed into your eyes.
He smiled weakly. “I feel like a high schooler again.”
You laughed. It was the first time you’ve laughed in a while.
“There’s my girl, look at her smile,” he chuckled, and you feel his hot breath on your face when you go in for another peck.
“I missed you,” you murmured.
“I missed you more,” he smiled.
His hands were slow to glide down your torso as they stopped under your clothed lips.
You shiver at his touch, and he seemed to notice as he immediately withdrew his hand from that area.
“I’m sorry, is it bad?”
“No, no—” you swallow thickly, “that was good.”
“I should have told you first,” he said, resting his hands on your hips as he let his forehead rest on your own.
“Leon … when was the last time you …”
He paused. “You don’t want to know.”
You chuffed. “When a girl shivers like that it usually means it’s a good thing, you know.”
“I know, I know, I just …” he inhaled, then exhaled, and you feel his hands slide up to your waist. “I’m just scared you might regret this later.”
“Okay, then … is it okay if I touch you?” you asked, stopping right before his crotch area. “I’ll show you how much I want this.”
Leon could only manage a nod when your hand cupped his growing bulge before your hand slid into his pants. He grunted hesitantly, immediately biting his lip as soon as he made that sound. You smiled at him as you began to massage him through his underwear.
Apparently this was all the confirmation he needed because he took you back to his lips again, this time a little more rough with you as he pulled your hand out of his pants. His mouth then wandered down to your jawline, sprinkling tiny kisses before he reached your neck and nipped at it, earning him a small yelp from you.
“Did that hurt?” He asked seductively. You knew he was still serious with his question but you could help but melt in his arms when he asked you the way he did.
“No, don’t stop, please.”
And with that, he was unbuttoning your pants while sucking on the part of your neck that he had previously abused.
The cold hits your legs so suddenly when you get out of your pants and tossed them aside. You tug at his shirt, air draining from your brain as soon as he reaches behind him to pull it off. You could feel the thick, sweet bliss that washes over you when you look at his bare torso, admiring his large pecs and defined abs. It’s almost like there wasn’t a layer of fat on his body.
When he tugged at your shirt, you grabbed his wrist tautly and he stopped.
“I’m sorry … can I keep it on?” You asked. You’re so glad it’s oversized, otherwise you would carve your guts out just to look better for him.
“Of course, baby,” he soothed, and yet again you had to hold onto him before you collapsed under the spell the pet name had put on you.
Just then, he exchanges positions with you and lifts you up onto the counter, and your heart bangs against your ribcage at the realization.
You watch his eyes as you slowly but surely spread your legs, making him wait for your invitation. You chuckled as he exhaled at the sight of your wet underwear.
You lean back, giving him the space to slide the underwear off you but instead he uses his teeth and only barely gets it off you before he has a finger over your bud, rubbing circles into it with a smug smile overtaking him. You moaned and he took the chance to kiss you openly, his tongue meeting your own as they danced together. You wiggled your underwear off your legs to get rid of your restraints.
“Careful,” he warned softly, quickening his pace and making you moan more. You bit your lip before you got too loud. “I might get impatient too, you know.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” you almost whimpered at the loss of his lips on your own. They were so soft, and it makes you hate the fact that you haven’t touched lip balm in years. They were a cushion you could land on, except it would never leave you feeling guiltier than when you had first met them.
It left you keening for more, so much more you felt the flesh at your chest practically hit his own from the pulsing of your swelling heart. You could hear it ringing in your ears, but with the strain in your legs and the satisfaction electrocuting you, you couldn’t focus on anything but his warmth on you.
“Of course it’s a bad thing,” he muttered your name and you sighed shakily as his fingers were quivering back and forth on your swollen bud. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You could never hurt me,” you blurted in a haze. You knew it was unrealistic, everything about this is, but even if it were a dream, you were going to stay in bed for the rest of your life.
Then, your legs were trembling vigorously before they clamped onto Leon’s hand, but somehow it hadn’t stopped his finger from playing with your clit.
“Just a little longer sweetheart, can you open up for me? Please, baby?” He asked so kindly, so sweetly like honey dripping from his lips as you did as you were told, your legs slowly peeling away from each other and spreading wide apart. This allowed him to be harsher on you, and suddenly you feel a fire further down.
“Tell me if this hurts, okay?”
You didn’t even have time to respond before you screamed at the sudden push into your opening. Leon shushed you faintly, almost cooing out the sound like he was trying to comfort a baby.
“You don’t want our friends to hear you, do you?” He asked innocently, but this time the innocence was feigned, and you wanted to bite him for how smug he was being.
So you did.
A bold but mild bite to his neck, and he hissed. Soon after, he was chuckling while pounding a finger into you as you were forced to bite back your moans. Some still managed to slip through, and you could tell that it did nothing but fuel him to push faster and harder into you.
“That’s a good girl,” he huffed out a weak smile. You look down to see his erection poking through his pants, and you almost freeze at the size of it. “Are you angry at me, princess?”
“A little,” you admitted with a chortle, but that was quickly taken from you as he hit a spot you didn’t even know was there. You yelped, and he kissed you roughly again in response.
“Oh, baby, please forgive me …”
He understood the assignment immediately because soon after that his lips muffled your much louder cry as he slipped a second finger in you, hitting that same sweet spot again and again and again and you moaned into him each time he did. It didn’t help that all the while his thumb was still flicking your clit at a godly pace, both sensations sending you to a white bright state in which you were unable to control your shaking, your crying and your wordless begging.
“I forgive you,” you slurred as your legs were practically vibrating at his touch to the point that he had to use the other hand to hold one of your legs down. Both of your arms were wrapped around his neck so you both were breathing on each other, feeling each other sweat everywhere and it almost acts like the glue between the both of you. You feel yourself running towards a rocky cliff, your legs so tense you really believed it for a split second because your arms were going just as numb, your eyes squeezed shut and your lip aching, pulsing from how hard you were biting down before you continued to cry, “I forgive you, I forgive you, please, Leon I need you!”
You flew. Even if the marble counter below was cold and hard and sticky from your sweat you were flying because you popped, you buckled and Leon had released you slowly just like you were releasing all over his lower abdomen. He muffled your scream with his lips once again, his tongue more light on yours this time because they meet, separate, then meet again very briefly before his teeth were on your lower lip, and it slid off just as you finished.
He smiled. And it wasn’t smug, wasn’t cheeky and it wasn’t even forced. He looked … blissful. Tired too, clearly, because you could hear his rough breathing but he smiled like you were a rose he’d had the pleasure of smelling.
“Are you okay?” He asked for the umpteenth time that evening, and you smile, blush, chuckle laugh love relished that he asked that so many times.
Your heart might be thrashing between your worn out lungs, but in this moment, you pretended that you were normal and that your heart was galloping for him. The thought was enough to make you smile, too.
Your eyes steal a quick glance at his bulge before they snap back at his blue eyes. A needle punctured your exasperated heart.
“Yes, I’m okay,” you exhaled lightly.
He nodded before turning around to find his shirt.
“Hey, are you getting dressed?” You asked, embarrassed that your words seemed to melt into each other. It seems the effects of your orgasm were more potent than they would appear.
“Yes,” he replied, but he didn’t attempt to wear his shirt. He frowned. “You came, didn’t you?”
“Well yes, but you didn’t,” you mentioned, looking down at his persistent yet sadly clothed arousal.
“Don’t worry about me,” he reassured briefly, he was raising his arms to put the shirt on but you hold one of them back.
“Come on, I want to make you feel good too,” you confessed, though it wasn’t really a confession when you saw him smile for a split second before he shook his head.
“We have guests outside, I don’t want to be a bad host,” he reasoned in the low voice he knew you sighed over.
“What are you going to do about the third leg between your thighs?” You joked in a light chuckle.
“I am flattered at that description,” he laughed. God, the sound alone was a godsend. You tried to remember the last time he laughed like that and you came up with nothing. The needle still in your beating organ was just pushed a little deeper in, you could almost tell the right atrium and left ventricle apart.
“Come on, I’m serious. I don’t want to only take from you. I’ll be doing too much of that later on,” you said, and he looks at you with those eyes again, his lower eyelids rising to narrow his gaze on you. He knew you were serious, but that didn’t seem to be what he was reading from you.
That’s when he abruptly pulled out a cellphone from his pocket.
“I’m gonna need you to be a little naughty for me, can you do that?” He asked and used your name, making you nod at his request. He leaned foward and towards you, putting a firm hand on the edge of the counter to support himself as his phone began to ring.
“Leon, is she okay?” Chris’s voice echoed in the small room.
“She will be, just, not right now,” Leon began, his eyes meeting yours again as a small smirk fell on his complexion. “I’m with her right now but I’m not sure if she can go back out. She’s … she’s crying, Chris.”
“Shit. I’m coming—”
“Please don’t!” You shrieked, and somehow it sounded just as desperate as you needed it to. Then, you imagined one of those nights. Those nights, where you were on the floor with nothing but a blade and your screaming, scratching thoughts that wrecked you from the inside out, leaving your ribcage crushed and your nose unable to breathe.
“I’m sorry, I’ll explain everything later, Chris, I just … I can’t let you see me like this, right now. I promise I’ll make it up to you, to Claire, to Ashley, I just need time—”
“Okay,” Chris uttered your name reassuringly. “You don’t have to explain. Just … we can leave. But I swear, you better stay in Leon’s sight, and for the love of jesus h christ don’t do anything stupid. If you’re going to, at least do it where Leon can see.”
He says that because he knows Leon would never allow you to so much as scratch yourself if he can help it. None of them would. And you don’t blame them, no matter how much you wanted to do it some days you just couldn’t bring yourself to be angry at them for not understanding, because you know that if you bothered to explain it they would listen in a heartbeat.
“Okay,” you said, sniffling a little louder but only as loud as you usually would. “I’m sorry that you guys have to leave so soon.”
“It’s okay,” Chris comforted rigidly, and you heard him sigh audibly before he shortly told Claire about the made-up situation. “Take care of yourself. Tell Leon we’ll try to clean up as much as we can.”
“No, don’t worry about that—I-I’ll help him out. It’s the least I could do after bombing Leon’s thing.”
“Alright. Tell Leon we can drop Ashley off. Don’t kill yourself, ‘kay?”
“Okay.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
And with that, Leon hung up and you both exchanged stupid smiles before they bloomed into small, shy snickers.
“Fuck, I feel bad,” you exhaled.
“Yeah, right,” Leon scoffed through his smile.
“I’m serious! Chris was so concerned,” you protest lightheartedly as you give Leon’s shoulder a light smack. “I feel horrible.”
“And yet I …
“Can’t remember the last time you smiled like that,” he said, his gaze locking onto yours for a moment.
“I was just thinking the same about you,” you replied, your hands returning where they once were. Leon’s own were now comfortably sitting on either side of your hips. “We are bad friends, Leon.”
His forehead fell on yours, his eyes not daring to stray away from yours. “Luckily for us … my baby’s a good liar.”
“You’re the bad guy who couldn’t have just told them to leave,” you huffed, poorly concealing just how much you loved that stupid name from him.
Just then, you both halt at the muffled sounds of Leon’s front door opening and closing a few moments later.
“I think we both know that they wouldn’t have bought any excuse that didn’t involve something serious,” Leon said matter-of-factly, and his tone, his voice, the way he said it … it flipped a switch in your nervous system that screamed oh my god please fuck me senseless I’ll pay for the damages just rail me until the bed fucking snaps in half—
“My ass is sore from sitting on a solid surface,” you said frankly.
He gave you a quick peck on the lips before he carried you in his arms, scooping his arm under your ass and the other on your back to fully support you while you hold on tightly to his shoulders.
He carried you up the stairs and through his bedroom door before gently laying you down on his bed, like you were an unframed artwork that couldn’t afford a single crease.
Leon stood over you for a moment, an audible sigh escaping his lips as his eyes traced your over once more, making you feel naked even with a baggy shirt on.
“As much as I’d love to take in the view, I think you’ll feel more at ease with your head on the pillows.”
You quickly glanced behind you and found large, untouched pillows propped up after the headrest. You moved upwards until you were at the center, your head sunken into the pillows as he suggested.
Oh my fuck, you would never get sick of his bare body; the way his sweat made it shine under the mild lighting of his room, how it highlighted his firm pecks and lined his abs in white.
He ran a teasing finger from your clit all the way down to your entrance. When he withdrew, a long line snapped apart when he brought it to his lips. You covered your mouth as he licked all of it off of his own digit, taking his time before finally licking his lips.
“You taste so fucking good,” he cursed, and chills rippled through your entire body at the sound of him unbuttoning his pants. He wasted no time kicking his pants and underwear off and the sight almost scared you right off the bed.
He noticed your disbelief and gently touched your leg.
“Do you want to stop?” He asked firmly, lifting your chin up to look at him.
“No, it’s just … there’s … a vein …” you muttered in awe.
Of course that wasn’t the thing that had you gaping but you didn’t want to throw up by saying it out loud, you’d never forgive yourself. You hadn’t even noticed that you glued your thighs together at the sight of it, which caused him to pry them apart again but not for the reason you would have expected.
He moved closer between your legs and planted a kiss on your forehead.
“We don’t have to do this, you know. We can watch a movie or something,” he suggested in a lowered voice.
“No, I want to do this with you,” you swooned. “I’m ready.”
“Are you sure?” Leon asked again, looking at you with in starstruck gaze.
“Of course.”
You wrapped your arms around his neck again. He went in for a long kiss, both your lips parting again to let your tongues meet.
You felt him breathe against you. His head began to move above you while his lips refused to part with yours, and you realized the bed was moving too.
“Please, tell me if this hurts, okay?” He breathed right after pulling away, and just like before, the tip of his length was pushed into you and you cried his name so loud, you couldn’t tell if you thought thank god the windows are closed or whimpered it instead.
“Put it all the way in,” you winced. Honestly, with him between your legs and your arms clinging onto him for dear life, you couldn’t care about how you were whining at this point. You didn’t want to think about the pain, but you couldn’t bring yourself to loosen your grip and you knew it would turn into blind pleasure soon enough.
You just wished it wouldn’t split you in half first.
“Are you sure? You sound like you’re in pain,” he panted, and even his breathing in your ear made you shiver. You’d say, get a grip, and you did—just not the one you would have wanted in the beginning.
“Leon, keep going while I ask you something,” you said, thinking maybe if you made a joke or two it would relieve some of the pain. “Are you into degradation?”
“Degrading or being degraded?” He asked in a serious tone, all the while doing as you said and pushing more of him inside your now stretched entrance.
You hissed, and before Leon could ask you again, you cut him off. “I’m okay. Please, fuck me.”
Leon nodded, but instead of moving like you expected him to do, he placed his hands around your much smaller arms and unraveled you off of his neck. He laid you down carefully on his bed and took you in once more.
Fuck, fuck, he was practically ripping your vagina apart and all you could think about was how you wanted this moment on a polaroid. It hurt, but it somehow hurt less now that you were no longer strained to hold onto him. Why haven’t you thought about it?
“Do you want me to degrade you?” Leon asked. This man needed permission for everything. You bit your lip, but a smile surfaced nonetheless.
“Okay,” you muttered, trying your utter best not to laugh.
His brows raise for a moment before his eyes wandered down at your form. Then his eyes met yours again.
Before you could fully comprehend it, a morphed, sick and hideous mixture of pain and pleasure hit you as Leon thrusted into you, and soon you were moaning at every little movement as more gentle thrusts ensued.
“You’re such a good slut for me, aren’t you?” Leon rasped against your ear, giving it a playful nip before lavishing your neck once more.
“That … oh, oh fuck—wasn’t bad,” you struggled to speak in the tiny gaps of your moans.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized while thrusting, and you held back a few of your noises as he reached for your hand and you grabbed his tightly. “You’re not a slut. I … fuck you feel so good,” he whimpered, cutting himself off. “I can’t call you something you’re not.”
“I like it when your voice goes all high.”
And with that, Leon pounds you harder, and it feels as though your own cervix vibrates from the impact as a long string of cries ensue.
“What am I then?” You dared to ask, replacing your precious breaths for these words.
“You’re my good girl,” he rasped in a strained voice accompanied by a few poorly-hidden whimpers.
Your thighs squeeze around his waist when his pace grows more erratic, making him groan into your ear before he kisses you roughly again. You hold his face to yours this time, pretending that was enough to keep him from leaving your lips.
You moaned while Leon grunted, and both of you a tide that was unstoppable. His thrusts, his affection, he was what moved you, what finally got your heart pumping, boiling working wanting instead of fearing, quivering, hiding, bleeding. His sweat and yours were making the noises louder, but it only encouraged you to kiss him rougher.
“What am I to you?” He returned the question in between his own low moans.
Without waiting for you to reply, Leon lifted you up very slightly as he moved a bit further down which caused his angle to change; you’ve screamed quite a few times tonight but you didn’t know the definition of the word until you’ve really done it now.
“Leon!” You shrieked, and tears were welling up in your eyes as he hit the same spot over and over as your legs’ grip over his waist loosened.
He slowed down, and when he did it was only then when you realized just how hard he was thrusting. You’ve lost almost all feeling below your torso except at your still full entrance which was quite the opposite; every little movement sent a twitch down your leg.
“Don’t give up on me yet, baby,” Leon muttered, lowering himself onto you as he used one of his hands to hold one of your legs up. “I promise I’ll fuck you so good after you answer my question.”
You frowned. Jesus christ, even your face muscles lacked the energy to keep frowning. You stare at him hazily for a moment before your lips come together to form a few words.
“I would tell you but it’s probably a little too early to say,” you managed to let out a weak laugh. You moan once or twice because even with the slowed down pace he was taking up a lot in you, still hitting that spot except he wasn’t hitting it, he was teasing it.
“Say it anyway,” he said.
“Come here,” you instructed.
He obliged as you gave him a kiss, a sweet one with only your lips touching his and maybe a hand on his jaw but nothing more.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” he quipped breathlessly.
You laughed. “I’m not trying to.”
You look up at his eyes again, and you realize that they look different here; probably because the lighting was also different but that wasn’t the difference you were quite expecting; he always had this stern look on his face, like he was thinking about something really hard, and honestly? He probably was. But this time, his complexion was … softened. His edges were blurred and his eyes no longer held frustration, tension, regret or even anguish. He looked right back at you, only at your eyes, nothing else, even when he was moving so intimately in you, he was practically stopping for this one question. And that’s when you realized—
“You’re mine.”
His eyes widened ever so slightly, and you could see the shock washing over him, he faltered as his lips parted but for the first time since he entered his guest bathroom tonight, no sound came out.
Your breath hitched and you let go of him. You start to breathe harder when he doesn’t respond as more truths start dawning on you on this bed that was never meant for this or you that you finally bit off more than you could chew finally jumped off that cliff you’ve been meaning to—
“You mean it?”
You freeze under him.
And then, you melt.
You throw your arms around him once more and he collapses on you as you squeeze him tight.
“You fucking scared me, you asshole!” You scolded, not caring about his very convenient position at the moment. “Of course you are. I just—I never really knew if you cared about me the way I care about you.”
He gets his face out from between your clothed boobs and you chuckle.
“I know you’re not complaining, Leon Kennedy,” you said.
“Hey, I didn’t say anything,” he smiled. “And of course I care about you. You’re what kept me going after …”
You saw him fade as he looked away before you held his jaw to make him face you again. “I can’t promise that everything will be okay. But what I can promise is that you’re not alone. I’m not going to say that ‘you never were’ and start talking about our friends because I’ve had that done to me and I’m tired of hearing it. But I want you to know that I’m here now, too.”
He closed his eyes. Leaning into your hand, he exhaled silently before looking back up at you with what you would have identified as him begging with his eyes.
Shit, you thought. I’m so fucked.
Literally.
And with that, he lifted himself off of you and you held back a small moan as he pushed himself into you again.
He picked up his pace slowly, causing your moans to get more frequent again as he gave you a peck on your lips.
“I’m here for you too,” you muttered, and that was the final straw as he hit you at the spot that had you shrieking his name again.
“Oh, fuck fuck fuck—Leon!”
“Yes, baby?” He moaned, and even if it wasn’t meant to sound pretty it absolutely did.
“That spot, that spot please I’m so close!” You almost slurred your words as he reduced you to the mess you were before he slowed his pace, your muscles going sore once again. Even so, you found what little you had in you to muster the words,
“Are you mine, L-Leon?” His pounding grew merciless on this sentence alone that your moans began to sound like crying.
“Oh, don’t cry princess, fuck—” he moaned. “Of course I’m yours.”
“You are?” You said airily.
“I am,” he repeated, his thrusts going faster and faster as you got louder and louder. “I’m all yours.”
That was it—your legs were trembling as you were tipping over the edge again, screaming and moaning and scratching his back as he hissed.
And then finally, you flew off the edge into the white, hot, blinding bliss that had your entire body shattering before him as he continued his thrusting in you without letting up whatsoever.
“I’m sorry baby, just a little bit more, can you do that for me?” He grunted, and you could only nod as you held onto his neck again, making him crane his down closer to you as he continued to fuck you savagely.
You continue to cry as it almost felt like you were growing more nerves by the second—it felt good then it hurt like it was burning but the good kind and you weren’t thinking anymore you were just closing your eyes waiting for everything and nothing but him.
And then something wet got on your abdomen and suddenly you felt … empty.
You looked down to see him splattered across your shirt as his arousal rested just above your vulva.
“I’m sorry about your shirt,” he panted, one of his hands holding onto your warm thigh for … support? Or maybe comfort? You weren’t entirely sure, but either way, you weren’t complaining.
“It’s okay,” you said, just barely having the energy to sit up. “Hey … can I stay the night?”
“It’s fucking twelve in the morning. Of course you’re staying the night,” Leon attested sternly. “Let me go get you another shirt.”
“The black one, if you don’t mind,” you said faintly.
He chuffed with a small smile. Pulling it out from his dresser, he walked back over to you and he handed you the shirt. You put it on top of your torso as he continued to look at you.
“Could you turn around?”
“Oh,” he said, and he slowly turned around.
Wow, he had a firm ass.
I mean you were expecting it considering his training but shit that wasn’t the point right now fuck—
“I’m sorry, baby, I promise I’ll take it off next time—”
“So there will be a next time?” He asked.
“Well, considering our not so proper confessions during sex … I’m gonna guess there is?” You said in a jokingly unsure tone. “Come lie down beside me.”
Turning back around, you both get comfortable under his duvet as you initiate contact first.
You put an arm around him.
He turned over to you and put an arm around your waist.
He looked down at you with those same eyes again, the ones you couldn’t resist. It almost splits you in half again, but instead you give him a chaste kiss.
Your name left his lips again, and you look up at him.
“I … wanna take care of you,” Leon said. “Make sure you’re sleeping right. Eating right.
“Do you … wanna move in?”