Work Text:
Soichiro had always been proud of his son.
Truly, ever since the boy was young, he had always stood out from everyone else in the family, from everyone else around him.
He still remembers meeting other parents from his middle school. They all envied him for having such a polite, smart and good-looking kid. They sung his praises while complaining about their own children not being up to par. God, he will always remember the way his chest swelled up with pride. And now that he thinks about it more, he can recognize why. Subconsciously, he felt like some of these praises were directed at him for raising him.
He now knows better. He now understands that Light’s achievements had always been his own. Because really, what had he done to raise him, except put the pressure of the world onto his shoulders his whole life? So much pressure in fact that Light, the son he loved so much, couldn’t be himself openly in front of him.
Soichiro might not be the father of the year, but he was also not stupid. He could see the way his son looked at the man he was chained up to. These stolen glances were probably not noticeable to the other members of the task force, but he noticed them. He noticed because Light had never looked more alive and happy than when he spent time with the detective. And while the other man was difficult if not impossible to read, he could tell that he probably felt the same way. They existed together in such a special way that it was hard to think they didn’t feel it, their connection.
It was the way their eyes and silences seemed to convey more than their mouths did. It was the way Ryuzaki would only allow himself to smile if Light, and only him, said something witty. It was the way Light would playfully tease Ryuzaki, and only him, about his strange quirks. Everytime one of those things happened, Soichiro’s heart clenched in his chest. He didn’t want to see it for what his intuition told him it was. Maybe it was simply a friendship, one who ran so deep because of their shared mental prowesses. He wanted it to be the case so badly, because the other alternative implied so much more that he wasn’t ready to deal with.
It would mean that his son harbored… feelings for his own sex. And while he’d still love his son if that were the case, it made him feel off put, because it’d mean that the ambitions he had for his child’s romantic life were over. God, he would hate giving those up. His whole life, he imagined him falling in love with a nice girl from a nice family in college, just like he himself had with Sachiko. He wanted him to marry that perfect girl and settle with her in a luxurious house and found a nice family. In his moments alone, he often thought about it, about how his grandchildren would look. If they took anything from Light, they’d probably grow to look elegant and handsome. He didn’t want to give his dreams up, even if he intricately knew they weren’t his to have.
But even more than that, if he managed to give up on his expectations on his son’s domestic life, he’d have to accept the detective as a son-in-law , and that, he was convinced he never could. Just having the thought cross his head made him scrunch up his nose in almost disgust.
Ryuzaki was the greatest detective in the world. He was intelligent and good at his job. As a colleague in catching the most evil murderer the earth had ever seen, he was almost perfect. As a partner meant to love and accompany his beloved son in all of his joys and pains, he was less than ideal, and that was putting it nicely. First of all, he was older, probably around his mid to late twenties, while his son was fresh off of high school. The age gap was less than ideal. There was also the issue that he was a pale, sleep deprived, alarmingly thin hermit who always seemed to be locked up in his own head, thinking over his cases. There was no way in hell this placid man could love Light the way Light deserved to be love. His smart, generous and handsome son only deserved someone who could be exactly that in return. And while the detective did fill one of the criteria, it was barely enough to get his respect, not his approval.
And even then, even if he, by some miracle, managed to put that aside, one fact stayed true: Ryuzaki thought Light to be Kira. He was a detective holding his son captive and under surveillance because he thought him to be a serial killer. The power dynamic was way off, and it made the thought of a relationship between them unfathomable. A suspect and a detective had no business being involved with each other in that way. Especially when that suspect was his good, honest and innocent son.
While his thoughts went over this topic, he started feeling an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. A feeling that only seemed to accentuate when his eyes caught a moment of complicity between his son and Ryuzaki. Everytime they smirked at each other with that look in their eyes that seemed not to notice the world around them, Soichiro felt nauseous. A question, one and only one, seemed to resurface in his mind.
‘How have I not seen this coming?’
How had he not been able to predict that his son wasn’t into girls? Why did his son not come to him and talk? Was he that unapproachable? Did his son prefer living a lie than coming out with the truth?
When he thought this, he hung his head in shame. He was so ashamed. He thought he raised his son the best way he could have. He was a respectable, successful young man who never stirred up any trouble. He thought he had done everything for him to lead the best life possible. And while watching the pair, he could now understand, for the first time, where he had gone wrong. He never allowed his son any other path than the one he set up for him. He never told him it would be fine if he did something else than what was expected from him. Soichiro knew why he hadn’t: he didn’t think his son would have any problem with following the path. God, just thinking of it, he was so ashamed. He really failed his son. So much so that he couldn’t even talk to him about something as simple as his sexuality.
If he was hiding something as mundane as that, what else was he hiding from him in his effort to not disappoint him?