Work Text:
1. In case of damage (see 1.A) observe (see 1.B) damage¹
1.A. DAMAGE dam·age (definitions for dummies all rights reserved): noun entry 1 sense 1 what everyone wants to see the bedroom-facing peephole the free show the girl behind the two way mirror blinking blood not hot generally regarded as a sensation of evaporative cooling of leached body heat plus grittiness on sleeves or towels or bed sheets between fingers common parlance “everyone bleeds” not “touching expecting reciprocal sensation” stop being stupid
1.B. OBSERVE ob·serve verb colloquially known also as the act or process of “looking”
1.1 Check for any of following scenarios:
1.1.1. Internal obstruction
proper observation functions on person-object basis cursory analysis should focus on ports seams mouths up shirt fronts for debris if exploration yield is low perform process of extensive analysis reliant on proper execution of person-object relation establishment described in step 3 (proceed to step 3) if removal risks further damage to appliance (see 1.1.4.) lie still (see 1.1.3.)
¹instant unspecified (see also law of instants), registry delays/acts pastwise “pain is memory formation” i.e. learning the hard way puts you past tense five steps ahead of yourself Which can be useful i.e. the gift of hypochondiral foresight can be very useful useful for foxholes debate and for fucking (less as reaccess to dissociative psychic foresight ((see also self-laceration)) and more repossession/presupposition of predicted distasteful outcomes through ritualistic performance) though not for grocery shopping not for conversation unless you play with someone else who's read up on their chess theory
1.1.3. Unwanted advances (see also 1.1.1)
lie still did you forget you were supposed to where have you i can’t help you if you don’t talk to me don’t think i don’t know what why do you do this to yourself think you’d know better who did it hurt yourself like that take it off oh shit, kid what did he jesus christ i said sit still² sit fucking still for a second let me where is it did you see the bruise cream anywhere don’t get up one of these days someone’s going to [END troubleshoot or restart]
1.1.4. Laceration/blunt force trauma
issue lies not in instant of impact/immediate preformation of memory event (see 1.C.) nor visual physical phenomena (severed wires bent pins nausea battery leak swelling) but in nervous hardening around site post-pervasive sense of numbness commonly referred to as abductee syndrome characterized by among other things the tendency to identify the self externally as in deference to covered mirrors pre-event photographs television characters played by David Duchovny “no one down here but FOXHOUND’s most unwanted” unaware of the destruction of seminal (see 1.D.) pun inability to relay clear picture pervasive static substance abuse inevitable suicide to classify severity of causal damage proceed to step 2.
1.C. INSTANT in·stant noun you should know this already
1.D. SEMINAL sem·i·nal sense 1 adjective stolen jeep smiths on the radio making a lucky spliff in the backseat please please please let me get what i want he’s singing the accent lord knows it would be the first time he came on the cuff of my shirt kept it on after had to tuck it into my pants threw the shirt away returned the jeep went to bed will nature make a man of me yet
sense 2 keep brushing your teeth shower again change your clothes again
2. Does it hurt³
- No (proceed to step 4.)
- Yes (proceed to step 3.)
- Not yet (lie still and return to step 1.)
²like that oh you’re so good easy sweet boy take it so well i know it’s okay just do this for me good boy good boy just like that
³ It’ll be a lot more complicated if no one’s going to might as well court it a little longer absence of it is the anticipation of it returning better to have the relief of the other boot dropping than to have another meltdown in a supermarket in bed with your ex girlfriend frankie why do you have to why can’t you act stop being can’t you just but back here back home with me isn’t it nice aren’t you lucky you’re such a good boy aren’t we so lucky to have you
3. Extensive analysis
3.1 in order to safely uncover casing to access debris/internal damage person-object dynamic establishment takes priority in the sense of surgical distance method of objectification outlined in THREE !simple! steps (now in condensed form)
- actually
- maybe
- you deserve this (proceed to step 4.)
4. Handle it [END troubleshoot]