Chapter Text
Arguments between Kaveh and Al Haitham were the norm. The two were fighting like a bickering married couple, and when strangers stated such the two blushed and turned away.
Kaveh’s emotional stability was almost nonexistent, no one would exactly dare to call him hysterical or psychotic, but he definitely felt things harder than other people. The passing comments that wouldn’t affect some people always hit him twice as hard, everyone trying to be as gentle as possible with him. His paranoia and anxiety sometimes showing too much to the point of strangers on the street wondering if he’s okay.
Well, everyone but Al Haitham of course. He always tried to get to Kaveh in any way shape or form, Kaveh growing quite resistant to it, but today was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Al Haitham’s insults and remarks always got worse when someone else was around, especially Paimon and the Traveller. Lumine never really outwardly participated in the arguments, but she didn’t quite stand up for Kaveh either, which made him feel like she was always taking Al Haitham’s side, which was right most of the time. Kaveh was quite the opposite, he wasn’t much of a people’s person, and he just became shyer in front of other people unlike Al Haitham.
Kaveh was once again in the living room trying to hang another damn painting, he found somewhere in the back of a thrift shop. The painting did fit the interior of a house, but Al Haitham would never admit it especially with the traveler and her companion nearby.
“Kaveh, this painting looks just about as awful as your face.” Kaveh huffed but didn’t say anything back, he didn’t have anything to say back, nor did he want to start an argument, he was ALWAYS the one to come out with that pain in his chest anyways.
Kaveh was trying to fix the painting’s position, but his hands were failing him especially with Al Haitham behind him. His heart began beating faster as his hands began to shake and the painting was still a bit crooked to the side. Kaveh could hear the remarks from his back of how Kaveh never knew how to do anything right and how even his degree was a craft he could never master and would’ve ended up better if he actually got a real job.
Those were the comments he always said but for some reason this public kind of humiliation and the laughter of Paimon just made him feel awful on top of everything.
Kaveh let the painting go and turned around, thinning his lips. “If you are so smart hang, it yourself you idiot.”
Al Haitham approached Kaveh, the blonde man absolutely terrified and not without a reason. Al Haitham took off the painting and in the moment of adrenaline threw it into the bin next to him.
Kaveh’s heart broke. Slowly, he could almost feel the small pieces slowly shattering as he speechlessly watched Al Haitham put the painting in the bin. Did he really think that little of him? Kaveh turned around to not see Al Haitham’s piercing and judgmental gaze anymore as he stormed into his room, smashing his door closed and beginning to cry. The tears falling down his face vigorously, Kaveh was never quite good at controlling his emotions, everything was either okay or too much for him to handle there were never in between the scales were always heavily shifted to one side or the other.
For the first time in his life, he was trying to prevent the tears from falling out of his eyes. Anytime a tear was about to fall out of his eye the blonde imagines Al Haitham standing behind him and shaking his head. He shook his head and wiped his eyes that were almost completely dry anyways. He lied down on his bed and tried falling asleep.
An awful slumber filled with nightmares.
When he woke up the next day he didn’t quite feel anything. For the first time in a while he felt numb. His whole existence didn’t really have a purpose today, maybe it’s a good break from his usual emotional behaviour. He greeted Al Haitham back nodding his head at every sarcastic comment Al Haitham made, Al Haitham going speechless for the first time since Kaveh knew him. He shot a glance towards the bin, the painting lying there, he didn’t even stop for a second grabbing his boxed lunch and leaving the premises of their house, trying to slam the door but Al Haitham coming in last minute to catch the door and slowly close it.
For the first time since Kaveh moved in, he was shaking.
What happened to him?
Karma seemed to get to Al Haitham in another way too. Today, he had absolutely nothing to do. Usually, if he was stressed he’d try to distract himself with work and ignore the problem as much as he possibly could.
It worked.
But today it couldn’t work. He decided to clean the house. Kaveh usually cleaned the house himself anyways. His perfectionism quite stood out in his creative and slightly chaotic nature. But right now his perfectionism was not flattering to Al Haitham at all. It was annoying to say the least, as it gave Al Haitham even less things to do around the house.
His boredom eventually led him into a bar. He was usually sober, as he loved to have a clear head, but today the last thing he needed was a clear head. Kaveh was skipping all over his head, and he needed to wipe him out somehow.
How did he not think of alcohol beforehand?
Al Haitham changed his clothing, he felt like his usual akademiya clothes will draw too much attention in a place like a pub. Maybe if he wears something more casual, he’ll even be unrecognizable completely? Al Haitham pulled up some casual pants and a shirt that was biting the dust for a while.
“It really has been a while hasn’t it...” he muttered to himself, as he looked himself up and down in the mirror. Him of all people to be wearing casual? His hair messy?
Fucking Kaveh.
He muttered something uncomprehendable how this is temporarily and was finally ready to go to the bar.
It took him a while to find the bar in the first place. The last time he remembers behind there was to have a conversation with one of the Snezhnaya business partners, who gulped down at least a bottle of vodka, before starting to get drunk. Al Haitham left almost immediately after the partner was on his second bottle as the conversation was just uncomprehend able words, the partner could barely even remember what they discussed in the first place which worked in Al Haitham’s favor as he just told the business partner he agreed to his plan and idea they discussed and the partner thanked Al Haitham for cooperating him while he was in a drunk state.
But here he was... alone. There weren’t many people in the bar during this time of day, but he still went to the very back, even a single person and the entire town will know that he is here. The waiter soon approached him, a young man probably in his early twenties.
Al Haitham went speechless from a question of what he wants. What does Al Haitham want? Does he want Kaveh gone? Does he want Kaveh to stay? Does he want to embrace him the next time Kaveh is rambling about his architecture stuff?
“Sir?”
Al Haitham’s eyes met with the waiter again. Oh yes, the drink.
“Three margaritas please.”
“Right away.”
The waiter left as quickly as he appeared, going behind the bar and starting to prepare something. Al Haitham wasn’t sure what he was preparing was for him, after all he almost had no idea how half the drinks looked like. He knew the smell of alcohol, since Kaveh came home drunk quite a lot, but Kaveh never brought the drinks with him. Something Al Haitham could never understand, as he never stated that he wouldn’t want any drinks in his house.
The three drinks turned into five... Then six... His mind growing hazier, his head spinning, his eyes watering. He was softly laughing to himself while crying remembering all the moments Kaveh has made him happy. When Kaveh started growing out his hair and Al Haitham jokingly played with it, how much Al Haitham loved the paintings in his room especially that one of a mountain range in Liyue(it was also the painting he picked on the most, as he couldn’t admit to himself, he loved it so much).
He wasn’t really sobering up and his drink tolerance was low, but at some point, something took him out of the bar. Maybe it was the thought of the paintings and how he wanted to see them, or maybe the rational brain was coming in touch and trying to get him back on track.
Al Haitham got home completely drunk. Kaveh was waiting in the living room, kind of waiting for him even if he didn’t want to admit it. Al Haitham was always on time; he was either home all day or back from work by 7pm. He was rarely even more than five minutes late. Kaveh heard the door open shooting a glance towards it, he didn’t dare to turn around just yet, he wanted Al Haitham to interrogate him first.
But that didn’t happen, he could hear the shaking steps behind him. Growing quite confused, Al Haitham NEVER walked shakily. His demeanor and high self-esteem would never allow him. Al Haitham always walked with so much confidence, Kaveh even was a little scared when he just met him. Kaveh immediately turned around as the shaky steps approached standing up and ready for a fight, scared of the fact that there might’ve been an intruder in their house.
The sight of Al Haitham shocked him. The always well dressed gentleman he had the dishonor of calling his roommate, was a complete mess, his hair almost unrecognizable poking from all sides. He was wearing some pajama-like clothing that Kaveh had never even seen before. His eyes, completely disorganized, looking in all directions. And his hands...
“Kaveh~~~” Al Haitham shakily walked over to his roommate wrapping his hands around Kaveh’s shoulders. “I missed you so much...” Al Haitham nuzzled his face lovingly into Kaveh’s shoulder as if they’ve been a long-time married couple and not two constantly arguing roommates. Kaveh was as still as a statue his face going white, his pupils shrinking from embarrassment, was this some kind of a prank? It didn’t seem to be, Al Haitham began hugging him tighter and whispering something that Kaveh couldn’t understand. He decided to hug Al Haitham back and only then started to smell the faint aroma of alcohol.
Kaveh always had quite a bad sense of smell, especially when it came to alcohol for some reason. There were plenty of times where he felt sober enough to go home and Al Haitham would be mad at him for coming home all drunk, but Kaveh just didn’t feel the alcohol smell that often. Maybe that’s why he became such an alcoholic.
Al Haitham continued to nuzzle into his shoulder, his words finally becoming english. “Kaveh... I love you so much...” He removed his face from the crook of Kaveh’s neck, cupping Kaveh’s cheeks.
Kaveh swallowed. Despite everything happening between them Kaveh always had a bit of a soft spot for Al Haitham. He mostly gave Al Haitham the benefit of the doubt when it came to everything evne something as simple as the unwashed dishes. He always believed that while the grey haired man was alive they will get closer. That one day Al Haitham will think of him as fondly as Kaveh thought of his junior when he first met him. The young junior who used to be his best friend... And now he sometimes feel like he doesn’t know this man.
It seemed like even drunk Al Haitham could read Kaveh’s expressions well. Kaveh was an open book after all. All those thoughts about the past brought his eyebrows down, his face going from pale to grayish, as if he was a rain cloud. “Did I say something wrong...” Al Haitham began softly rubbing Kaveh’s cheeks.
“Why wasn’t he always like this” Kaveh thought to himself.
“No, no no...” All Kaveh’s overthinking down the drain, he needs to get Al Haitham to bed before anything else happens.
“Let’s get you to bed, hey Haitham?” Al Haitham wrapped his hands around Kaveh’s neck again. “O-only if you come with me... I love sleeping with you!!!!.” Al Haitham’s drunkenness was so adorable. Too adorable in fact, Kaveh was flushed to the tip of his ears.
He walked to Al Haitham’s bedroom with the grey-haired man clinging onto him. Kaveh wanted to get his roommate a glass of water but Al Haitham sloppily dragged him into the bed, spooning Kaveh. The blonde was kind of glad to be in this position as it meant that he could hide in Al Haitham’s chest the flush that was now spreading to his neck.
Al Haitham gave him a soft forehead kiss before tightly wrapping his arms around Kaveh’s waist, and whispering a sweet nothing into his ear... Falling asleep almost immediately. The blonde wasn’t as quick though. He rarely could fall asleep immediately and this situation wasn’t an exception at all. He did move around for a bit trying to get out of Al Haitham’s hold, but the man held him like a rock to the Arthur's sword. Eventually Kaveh gave up, wrapping his legs around Al Haitham’s waist falling asleep peacefully in his roommates hold with one thought running through his mind.
Will their relationship change at all in the morning?
Kaveh woke up in the morning to Al Haitham still holding him. He thought that Al Haitham hasn’t woken up yet since the hold loosened up a bit. But when he tried to unwrap his hands from him so he could get up, Al Haitham dug his fingers into his flesh, making Kaveh groan slightly.
“Hey what was that for!”
“What was all of this for!”
Al Haitham rolled on top of Kaveh straddling his waist with his thighs, putting his palms to the sides of Kaveh’s head so Kaveh wouldn’t turn away from him until they sorted this out.
~~
“Hey... Hey!”
SLAM
The sound of books hitting the floor and a young boy falling on top of them. His long messy blond hair face down on top of those books. Three boys at least double his height standing next to him laughing pointing fingers at the poor kid, who was hiding his tears behind the golden locks. Suddenly the boys stopped laughing and he heard another slightly younger voice, telling them off for their behaviour as well as a loud slap across the face.
He turned his face away from the books, just to see the boys running away, and another figure that he had seen around the hallways hovering over him.
“No need to thank me.” grey haired man reached out his hand to help Kaveh get on his two feet. Kaveh appreciated the gesture, letting out a sheepish smile to show his appreciation. The man smiled back, widely it seemed like he loved to smile. His lips nice and full but not too full to look like he was always pouting, more like they were made to smile. Kaveh blushed lightly, hopefully not enough for him to notice.
“Name is Al Haitham” said the youngster while still holding Kaveh’s hand despite the man being able to stand on his own. It made Kaveh’s heart flutter, Al Haitham’s slightly rough hand, the other hand holding a book, perhaps that’s why they were like that in the first place.
“A reader, are you?” The first words Kaveh has ever uttered towards Al Haitham. The other responded positively by nodding and handing the book over to Kaveh to have a look. Kaveh touched the book cover with his fingers first before giving it a glance. The book looked rather boring, the design of the book was all gray with the text in the centered at the top, barely any designed choices to make it better, and then he read the title.
“Introduction to calculus.”
Kaveh started chuckling a bit to himself when he read that title in his head, so on top of being a reader he was also a nerd? Interestingly, he held the book for a few seconds more, feeling it with his thumbs, it felt nice under his finger pads before giving it back.
“It’s nice to meet you in person, Kaveh”
~~
Back to the present time when both of them were in a quite uncommon position for both of them. Al Haitham on top of Kaveh, Kaveh getting awfully flustered from the position they were in.
Kaveh turned his face away, closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to see Al Haitham on top of him. It was giving him the weird tingles and butterflies in his stomach which he really didn’t want to have, as with how close Al Haitham was, he could probably hear his stomach rumble.
"Because you came home drunk you idiot! You were clinging on to m-”
Suddenly Kaveh felt the clashing of their lips together, Al Haitham’s warm lips against his, roughly kissing him, his hands wrapped around Kaveh’s face.
“You look much better when you shut up.”
Kaveh bucked his hips slightly forward, Al Haitham getting the hint and repositioning himself between Kaveh’s legs, Kaveh gratefully wrapping his legs around gray-haired man’s waist, the latter doubling down on Kaveh, one of his hands caressing Kaveh’s cheeks, the other one going under his shirt.
Kaveh froze, this was so wrong on so many levels, he can’t just let Al Haitahm do this. After everything? After everything Al Haitham has done he can’t just NOT apologise and skips the steps to this.
Kaveh gently pushed Al Haitham away from himself, the latter confusingly looking at him.
“Al Haitham this isn’t right after everything you’ve done...” Tears welling in his eyes as he remembered the painting incident, and all the incidents before, Kaveh’ heart tightening, his hand that was holding Al Haitham a little further from him having a bit more force as he climbed out of the position.
Al Haitham still silent, looking at Kaveh up and down as the latter climbed out and gave Al Haitham one look back before beginning to slowly walk away. Is there never going to be any change with this man?
He heard the bed creaking behind him, strong hands wrapping around him, with out a word. Just tightly wrapping around him, He could feel the lips moving against his shoulder, softly muttering something. Probably trying to muster up the courage to apologise but failing, Kaveh at first trying to pathetically break out of the hold. His brain telling him to go, but his heart asking him to stay..
And he stayed.
They stayed motionless just for a few minutes, Al Haitham’s hands not moving like before but more just making sure Kaveh doesn’t disappear. The latters tears slowly falling down his face silently. So silently Al Haitham didn’t even realise the other was crying until a few of them fell onto his hands. Turning Kaveh around, he put his hands on Kaveh’s face. Thumbs wiping away the salty tears, his mouth finally fully opening to muster the words Kaveh wish he said all the years ago.
“I’m sorry, please stay”
~~
“You are digging your own grave with this architecture stuff! You are burying yourself there and dragging me with you Kaveh! I don’t know how you expect anyone to even THINK of caring for you, when you are like this Kaveh! Stubborn, unmovable, and self-destructive!”
Each adjective hurts Kaveh more than the last. Tears at the corners of his eyes, body shaking, Al Haitham’s irises growing narrow and his eyes widening as he realised just what he has done. Kaveh stared at him for a few more moments, as if waiting for more hurtful words to spill out of that mouth. The mouth he so loved to imagine kissing, the mouth that had the most beautiful smile he has ever seen. The mouth that just...
Utterly destroyed him.
Love is meant to be a blessing, something that feels so simple and easy. Why does he feel like a martyrdom any time he is in love?
He could see the slight regret in his eyes, before Kaveh turned around and... left. He wasn’t sure where he was going, somewhere that wasn’t here.
~~
“Did you mean what you said that day?”
Kaveh turned around to look at Al Haitham. The grip on his hand became a bit lighter as the younger looked at him. The flicker of recognition. He knew exactly what day Kaveh was talking about. He pathetically looked down, letting go of Kaveh’s hand.
“I didn’t... I mean I did when I was being an idiot Kaveh. I saw you as an idealist who’ll never meet reality, but I was WRONG. I was wrong about you. I shattered you, I destroyed you. It’s my fault you sold all your belongings... and... and...”
A tear hit the floor. Kaveh stood there, in shock. His hand reaching out to softly and caringly rub Al Haitham’s shoulder. The younger man pulling Kaveh into a hug.
“I’m so... I’m so … so... s...”
“It’s okay take your time.” Kaveh wrapped his hands around the other, one thought spinning in his head.
Hasn’t he given enough time?