Chapter Text
There weren’t many things that scared Ricky like change did. Sure there was his fear of heights or of failing math again but those weren’t as big as change. Heights didn’t compare to watching his world burn around him and having to sit and watch. It was as if time stood still for him while the rest of the world passed by in a hurried manner, leaving him behind as he tried to pick up the pieces of his once perfect idea of what life was like. Maybe his parents weren’t always happy, but they were with him at the very least. Now his mom was in Chicago, 1,396 miles away. From his dad. From him . And it wrecked him, tearing a hole into his heart he had yet to even acknowledge. Math could never do that. Math could never hurt like a Mother leaving.
Change has brought him nothing but gray skies and gloomy days. And it left him paralyzed in fear of what’s to come. He wasn’t sure he’d even survive it.
Until her, really.
Gina Porter, the new girl, captured everyone’s eye the moment she stepped out on that stage ready to audition for a role she had no doubt she would get. Her matching black jacket and pants set and a high kick that no one could look away from. She changed everything. And not just for him but the whole musical. She brought a certain professionalism that made everyone work even harder. She was born to perform, he was sure of it the moment he walked into rehearsals and she did the splits like it was nothing. Sparking an interest within him as she walked through the halls with more confidence than he thought a high school student could have. And yet she was cold and distant, a wall built around herself that he could see from a mile away.
She wasn’t talkative, or super social like the other kids in drama. Stuck to herself with her pink headphones on, either pretending to not listen when someone said her name or just always played music loud enough not to. Rehearsed by herself and didn’t look at anyone twice. But at a critical moment, when felt the need to run, when he was gonna leave the show, she was there. At the skate park of all places. Looking out of place yet determined to change his mind. Her piercing gaze never let up, moving something within him like an open window that had been closed for years. Even if he could tell there was more to her sudden appearance, that meant something to him. So he went for it, stuck with the show. And even made a friend in the process. And getting to know her was the greatest privilege of his life.
He has a list of things that come to mind when he thinks of Gina. From the little things to everything. From the crinkle of her eye when she smiles to the way she taps her foot when she’s waiting. It all captivated his attention, it all mattered.
Like she bakes the best and most delicious baked goods he’s ever eaten. It didn’t matter what she whipped up, it was always good. The fluffiest cakes with the world's best frosting she made from scratch. She even made her own bread once, BREAD! He only ever heard of people doing that in movies. Her sugar cookies are his favorite, especially right out the oven. She tells him to let them cool more and gets this really cute frown on her face. Where brows are furrowed in a downward manner and just a hint of a pout on her lips, but only ever real concern in her eyes. He’ll admit he does it more to see her make that face than the cookies themselves. She can also knit too which he thinks is so cool, she promised to knit him something soon. He’s seen her knitting needles and how fast she can make something from a ball of yarn. He often feels inclined to ask her to show him how, but he likes observing her more anyways.
Something he’s been witness to plenty of times, and never gets old is the way she dances. She’s like water, flowing into each step, breathtaking as she holds your attention, so effortlessly elegant, his eyes are drawn to each movement she makes. She’s too captivating to look away from. But that could be said while she wasn’t dancing at all. Her voice was something unique and powerful in her lower register. He wishes she’d sing more. And if not for a crowd, maybe just for him. Preferably just for him.
He’s told her she’ll have to remember him when she’s on Broadway one day. She might shrug off his praise, rolling her eyes at what she viewed as an exaggeration but Ricky knew. She was made to be a star. He’s sure of it.
Even though he was sure she’d never speak to him again, something changed on homecoming night. Maybe it was the feeling of finally being understood by someone else or a simple kiss on the cheek that sent both of their hearts a blaze. Either way ever since, Ricky and Gina had spent most of the weeks following the event together. Side by side until they had to go home, but even then it wasn't enough.
From nights spent on the phone, late night talking about anything and nothing of substance to getting ice cream after school because Gina had a craving. He couldn't get enough of it. Not when they’d share headphones in the corner of the room during rehearsal. Not when his mouth got suddenly dry when she’d look at him across the room. Not when he played her a rendition of When there was me and you, and all he could think of was how good it felt to share it with her. That side of him. He’d never get enough of his time with her.
He doesn’t know when the platonic feelings he had shifted. Maybe it was when he realized his perception of her was all wrong. When her eyes started to look like heaven and her smile started to seep into his head like a daydream waiting to play on a loop. When he lived to see the slight pink color spread across her cheeks or spent a better half of his day coming up with jokes to hear her life. Something changed. And it was frightening.
But the fear didn’t surround him like it used to, not when she would looked up at him, eyes as bright as the snow that started to fall from the sky and smiles that lovely little smile that curved her cheeks in a beautiful swoop, the one that makes his heart thump hard against his chest. So it wasn’t so scary falling for Gina Porter. Nothing about her was ever as scary as she wanted it to be.
What made his mind work was the rehearsal before Thanksgiving break. He was actually trying during rehearsals, and not just that, having fun too. Performing was sort of thrilling and he felt like he was getting the hang of it. And then out of nowhere Nini complimented him. This was something that a month ago would have made his day. Sent him skipping all the way home. He spent the better half of this semester, fighting for Nini, to get them back to how things were. He knew he should feel something. But at that moment?
All he thought of was Gina. Did Gina hear what Nini said? If she saw the interaction. Where was she in the room? Did she think he was good? Was he improving? Did she think Nini was flirting with him? Would that be something upsetting to her? That last question threw him for a loop because why would it? They were friends. He kept this spiral long after he walked her home, watched her soft smile disappear behind the door and made it back to his house. Laying in bed thinking of what could possibly be the reason he had these thoughts. What did Gina do to him? Gina, Gina, Gina.
He texted her almost everyday, every thought that popped up in his head because he thinks she’d like to know. He walks her home after every late rehearsal, after every day they don’t even have rehearsal, because he just needs to know she’s safe. They eat lunch together, either in the cafeteria or outside, and they trade food back and forth. He even picks her up from her dance classes, really it’s just to see her dance more. She’s the prettiest ballerina he’s ever seen.
Like a semi truck, it hit him hard.
Oh? Oh.
He grew to see things differently around her, noticing the smallest of changes she’s already made to him. He wonders if she felt the same or if he’s been dreaming up this version of her. If her eyes didn’t actually light when he saw her. If her soft smile didn’t only appear when they talked. If homecoming wasn’t as important as he thought it was. The thought left him reeling, going over each interaction until his mind suddenly landed on the edge of what could be, which was maybe she thought the same thing.
Facetime never hurt anyone anyways right?
“Hey, Gi!” He greeted her, hoping his wobbly tone wasn’t noticeable on the other side of the screen. He noticed she had her hair up, curls pulled back neatly in a ponytail with a pink bow that peaked out the corners. The screen was crumpling a bit on her end, but that was just the wifi for you, never reliable .
“Hi Ricky!! How’s break going?” Her phone was set on top of her desk, as she was knitting something he noticed. She focused on her task yet still able to listen to the boy on the other line. Ricky wishes he could multitask like that. She's so amazing .
“Boring, what are you even supposed to do when school isn’t on you 24/7”
“Ricky, you do know we still have homework due when we get back right?”
“I… did not. But that’s Sunday Ricky’s problem. Let me guess you got all your homework done and time to spare?” He shifted in bed so he was on his back, and set his phone next to his head. He can feel the exasperation roll off her eyes as she sighs at his comment.
“Whatever, yes. I did all of it after rehearsal on Friday. You happy?”
“Very. Got any more YouTube videos to share?”
“I saw a recipe on pop tarts, interested in a taste test day?”
“Heck yeah, I’m down whenever!” He cheered, he looked at the screen to see Gina smile at his enthusiasm. She was so cute.
“Cool, because I got a few new ones to share. I haven’t tried making macaroons either but it’s on my list. Maybe even a lemon meringue pie too, would you eat that? Maybe even croissants, I could fill them with chocolate if that entices you more,” The soft smile that etched itself on his face involuntarily as Gina went on was an ongoing occurrence. Gina goes on a tangent, speaking a million miles per minute, brown eyes dazzling, and he just can't help but smile. It would be rude of him honestly, who doesn't smile at early morning light. A new day, that’s what she was.
“I’m sure they’ll be great,” He added softly, smiles never wavering as Gina looks up wide eyed before shaking her head at him.
“Yeah yeah,” She huffed, trying to pretend like she was annoyed. But the slight upturn of the corners of her mouth told him otherwise. It was silent for a moment before they both began to giggle, which then turned to a full body laughing fit that left them both gasping for air. It was rowdy and delightful and so very Ricky and Gina, light and airy yet so fun. It was simply just fun with her. And the sudden need to tell her his feelings became too much and even if it ruined everything. He had to at least try.
“Um Gina, there is actually something I wanted to talk to you about,” He confessed, closing his eyes trying not to feel as stupid as he does doing this. His feelings for her weren’t stupid but he’s never been good at communication. Especially when it came to someone who mattered. Who he cared for. That made it ten times worse.
“Oh so mysterious,” She giggled, making him start to giggle just like that, just as she always does. Makes him laugh.
“Ginaaaa”
“I’m kidding, tell me,” Her expression was something of understanding, a look of pure readiness to hear whatever concerned him. Which made him more nervous, as he picked at the skin surrounding his nails. He just had to get it out there. Be brave Bowen, you've got this, sort of .
“So like I’m not too sure how to bring this up but I think I sort of like you, like a lot,” He waited with baited breath for her response but when he looked at the screen, she looked genuinely confused.
“What sorry you cut out what did you say?” This was an out, an easy way to pretend like he never said a thing. She didn't hear him, he could move on and be her best friend and maybe even try again with Nini. Pour his soul out on a stage and pretend that a brown eyed girl with so much ambition and talent wasn't on his mind 24/7. He could do all of that.
But he didn't want to. He didn't want an out and he certainly didn't want Nini. Not anymore. He wasn't even thinking of Nini at that moment. It was all Gina. He didn't think a crush could consume him quite like this. Then again he had never met anyone like Gina before. Maybe this was just standard proceedings, seems the most logical answer. So no, there was no way out, just forward. And he took that step towards her with determination. And way too much ambition for his own good.
“Gi I- I like you, like a lot. So much that I think I forget to breathe around you sometimes and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you at all. And I know we’re best friends but would you like to go out sometime, like a date and stuff, dating?” He laid back on his bed, not looking at her, too afraid of her answer as he shut his eyes. If Ricky had looked at the screen, he would have noticed the broken image of Gina. If he wasn’t so nervous he’d noticed, she didn’t hear him right. But he didn't .
“I thought we already were,” Ricky got up real quick after that, looking down at the screen with wide eyes. Gina laughed at him, having the perfect view of his fluffy hair and part of his face, shocked beyond anything else.
“WE ARE?”
“Yeah I mean, I thought so! I’ve never done this before though so”
“Oh. Well then, why didn’t you say anything before?” He asked, looking at her confused. He thought someone would bring something like this up. Add it to the list of things Gina has made him question.
“I didn’t think I had to”
“Well I’m pretty slow so that would have been appreciated. Well now that we’re on the same page, I feel like I can breathe again,” He sighed dramatically, flopping back against the covers. Gina laughed, shocked yet very amused by this side of him.
“I’m honestly surprised you just joined drama when you are the most dramatic person I have ever met”
“Hey! you like my dramatic side, it adds character,” He huffed, pretending to be upset when really his stomach was uneasy with giddy fondness at the giggle still filling the air. The sweetest of sounds to ever grace him, and he didn’t quite understand how he was so lucky. The luckiest guy to ever like a girl like her.
“Ugh my connection is so bad, Ricky. I’m gonna go check out my WiFi box, I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Yeah, of course. See you later!”
“Byeeeee!! Mwah!” She blew him a kiss as a send off, and he caught just in time for a blinding smile to be caught on Gina’s face. As the screen switched to her contact, he placed the kiss on his heart, sighing as the reality of the call and all that happened settled on his shoulders. He was dating Gina. Had been dating Gina. And he couldn’t be more thrilled.
Ricky did a little happy dance alone in his room, mumbling a little, “ She said yes ”. It felt amazing to finally be able to say that he was with her. He thought of calling Red and telling him the big news but he wanted to sit with it for a minute. As he flopped back on his bed, arm under her head, his hand on his heart, his toothy grin, he knew would always remember this moment. The moment when he knew his heart no longer yearned for an old memory of kids who would never work out. No, he yearned for something new, something full of change.
He yearned for her. In the most glorious of ways. He was now hers, and that wouldn’t change for a lifetime.
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A few days of being Gina’s boyfriend was better than any days he’s had in a very long time. Nothing changed, it was still them but now he told her how pretty she looked and thoroughly enjoyed the shy way she smiled at him when he did. It was the same yet better, he didn’t realize something as simple as liking another person could feel so good. They talked before Thanksgiving, planning to walk to Ashlyn's together.
They did have a hiccup with him almost having a breakdown over his moms new boyfriend but in the end Gina knew exactly what to say. As she so often did. And the understanding that followed around them was even more solidified. Learning more about her in the process, and making him realize there was only so much he could control in that moment. He might as well enjoy the night, it wasn’t his mothers anyways, it was his, also Gina’s. And he wouldn’t ruin her night because of his own issues. Not when she was the embodiment of excitement, not when her smile took up half her face and was so enchanting to see he couldn’t help but watch it carefully.
She was as pretty as ever in her purple coat, red cotton sweater with a blue pattern almost like a checkerboard that was soft to the touch, some curls shaping her face in a way that made his heart smile while the rest up in her ponytail. She was perfect. Glowing under the moonlight as the walked hand in hand to Ashlyn’s. It was the perfect night already, and not much could ruin it for him. Oh and she made him a hat. A hat, for him. It was orange and red with yellow accents, and she knitted it for him. Some may say it was too big but he thought he liked to think he’d grow into it. Like he’s grown into their relationship. Anyways it was perfect, because she made it for him. That was enough.
“It’s so cool that you knit,” He stated, eyes cutting from the ground right back up to her. She smiled shyly at the compliment, pursing her lips a little in thought.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah I’ve never been good at things like that”
“Oh I'm sure that’s not true. If a skate rat can become a theater kid I think anything is possible,” She bumped their shoulders and squeezed his hand, her smile tittering on too captivating not to kiss. He had to look away.
“I’m not a theater kid”
“Once we get you to opening night you will be…. maybe I could teach you sometime?”
“To be a theater kid?” He asked, loving the laughing that escaped her, fondness flooding his stomach as she shook her head.
“No, you dork. To knit”
“I mean, anytime with you gi is worth it. I’m game,” He said, taking her hand and spinning her around even if she mumbled something about the cupcakes in her hand.
“I can’t stand you”
“Sure, whatever you say,” She tried to give him an annoyed glance, but his knowing smile was enough to make her crack. They both chuckled in step with one another until a certain house was in front of them, “Ah we’re here”
He took a few steps in front of Gina, going up the stairs until she gasped at something, and he was yanked back, “Wait a second!”
“Woah, what?”
“There, Is that…a curl?” She asked, the back of his head caught in the porch lights as several curls peaked out the bottom of the hat, as he had adjusted it.
“Yeaahhh?”
“You straighten your hair?”
“It’s a phase I’m going through”
“Hmm,” She said disapprovingly, which made him turn towards her. No one ever commented on it before, he didn’t think much of it, it was like second nature to him at that point.
“What?”
“When will the phase be over?”
“I'm not sure, Why?”
“I’d like to be the first to see your curls. Also you desperately need to take care of them. This one is screaming for moisture,” Her hand at the back of his head, playing with the curled ends, as he shivered at the feeling.
“Fine, whenever I decide to put the straightener away. You will be the first to see my hair in all of its glory, does that work for you?” He leaned his head to the side, silently agreeing to never touch his hair again if Gina kept looking at him like that. With a certain softness he didn’t want to let go of.
“For the most part I think”
“You think?” He laughed, stepping closer to her ever so slightly. Caught in her riptide, and allowing the waves to take him. He looked over her face, eyes softer than seafoam, and smile as shy as the morning current. He thought, No the sea couldn’t compare to Gina’s beauty. Nothing compared to that.
“I’ll take it”
“Good,” He mumbled, eyes flickering from her lips to her eyes. In the back of his head he knew he couldn’t kiss her, as a distant memory of her never having been kissed (which was something he couldn’t understand), soared through his mind. Didn’t make the thought any less powerful.
He leaned closer, smile soft as Gina blinked, eyes wide with shock, “Ricky what are you- Oh,” He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, slow yet so full of life.
“Crazy how fast the night changes right?” She giggled at his absurdity. He was sure if he died on the spot he’d die content with hearing that sound.
“A 1D reference? Really Ricky?”
“Well sorry, I knew it’d land though,” His own smile now shy as she tapped a finger to his nose, chuckling at the way he scrunched his face at the motion. Both of them so happy to be there with one another.
“I’m gonna text my mom that we got here safe, I’ll meet you inside”
“Alright tell Ms. Porter, I said hi pleasee”
“Oh she loves you, She’ll say hi right back”
“Who wouldn’t love me? I’m a gem, gi!” He said going to open the door, smile crooked and too beautiful to look at.
“Whatever, Go!” She laughed, as he did as well. Entering the house with smile so giddy that it made whoever was on the other side of the door think and wonder. Who made him smile like that?
And the answer was quickly given once Gina had appeared. As people gave questioning glances towards them all night but they couldn’t careless.
Maybe the night didn’t end how either of them had imagined. As two hearts broke straight down the middle because of a broken promise and not enough time. Maybe it all ended way too fast for Ricky’s liking but he does know one thing. Thanksgiving was a night to remember, and even if it ended in hurt, he can only remember the warmth of that night. It became increasingly clear to him that love wasn’t out of the question of things he felt for her. And he was determined.
Gina was worth it all. The pain, confusion, the terror. It was worth it. Because he was falling in love, and he had no desire to stop.