Chapter Text
True, Crowley should have been much bolder in his moves on Aziraphale in the aftermath of the no-pocalypse, but now there was hardly a chance. Muriel showed up at the bookshop one day. At first Crowley and Aziraphale were cautious at their presence; Muriel was here to spy on them for Heaven after all, but once Crowley and Aziraphale got wind of Muriel's inexperience and lack of understanding about the entire scenario, they instead took them under their wings, so to speak. Only... Aziraphale had taken to Muriel quite a bit more. It made sense, with them both being angels and everything and it was good to see Aziraphale find pride and happiness in being able to show someone else "the ropes" of Earth. It was day number one hundred and seventy-seven and Crowley and Aziraphale had yet to have a single evening alone to themselves. Maybe the angel didn't mind (he didn't like to think about that), but Crowley sure as Hell minded. He wanted to finally tell Aziraphale how he felt and maybe finally kiss him, hold him, and other things... It isn't Muriel's fault, Crowley knows that, But for Satan sake, can't they find something else to do besides attaching themselves to his angel's hip? Crowley is flustered, has grown impatient, and concocts a wicked plan. He IS a demon still, after all.
Crowley thinks that it's been about fifty or sixty years since his last roll in the hay with someone. Wait. He means, his last shag with someone; Aziraphale was starting to rub off on him, but not in the right ways. At certain intervals through recent history Crowley would decide that he'd wait for Aziraphale, but it didn't always last. He'd meet some charming blue-eyed, blond, human with a kind and yet devious smile and things would happen between them. He knows his angel wasn't completely immune to the desires of his corporation either; he knew about his gavotting about in the 1800s at least. Knowing that Aziraphale partook in such vices only made it more frustrating that the two of them hadn't made it there yet. It was Aziraphale's fear of Heaven that was still keeping him in place. But if Aziraphale was an immovable object and Crowley was the unstoppable force, then something was going to give and soon.
The plan was simple. He only had to wait for the correct time and the correct target. The plan had two outcomes; either Aziraphale would become jealous and throw himself into his arms like some cheesy romance film, or he would take a human home for a bit of fun. The former was preferable, but he could make do with the latter at this point. One afternoon, one such target appeared in the bookshop. Crowley had been sulking about in the bookshop, keeping himself preoccupied with his mobile. Aziraphale and Muriel had been sitting together on the couch, going over another one of Aziraphale's favorite books. The book rested in his angel's lap as he used his hands to illustrate some important point of the story to the other angel. Muriel was captivated; they were young and eager to soak up any new knowledge that they were given. Aziraphale loved teaching and Muriel was his sponge and the dynamic, though positive for them both, was never-ending in Crowley's opinion. He'd caught himself actually scowling at them several times during these long lessons, but he didn't think that Aziraphale had caught him yet.
All three heard the doorbell as the customer walked in.
"Welcome to A.Z. Fell and Co. Please let me know if you need any assistance.", Aziraphale recited while not moving from his spot next to Muriel on the couch.
"Thank you.", replied a young man.
Crowley still hadn't bothered to look up at all; he was still mindlessly scrolling his mobile. From somewhere in the kitchen a timer went off.
"Oh! That's the lemon bars! Muriel, lets go check on them.", Aziraphale said excitedly. "Crowley, can you keep an eye on the customer?", he said in a lower tone.
Crowley made a grunting noise. Most people wouldn't have recognized it as having any meaning whatsoever, but Aziraphale knew it meant, "Yes, okay, angel."
Right then is about the time that Crowley looked up in order to see who he was supposed to be keeping his eyes on. He received a mild jolt of excitement, only because he knew this could be the one. He was a young man with a fair complexion and blond hair. He was smartly dressed in light slacks and a tight fitting T-shirt. Crowley decided that he would get a better look. He stood up, placed his mobile in his back pocket and then strode over towards the man.
"Hi.", Crowley said in a voice devoid of any emotion.
"Um, hello.", The man turned to greet him back and he flashed him a pair of pretty blue eyes and an unsure smile.
"You come here often?", Crowley said just as dryly, but with one corner of his mouth turned up.
The man snickered and his mouth turned up in an amused grin. "Uh, not often, no."
"hmmmm", was the sort of noise Crowley made. He had decided that this man was definitely the pawn for his plan. With a quick snap of his fingers the air in the bookshop changed ever so slightly. Could he have made the area effected a bit smaller? Of course he could have, but then if his angel didn't finish playing around with pies, cakes, or whatever it was in the kitchen, he wouldn't feel the change. He wouldn't know what Crowley was playing around with and he wanted him to know.
Crowley watched the demeanor of the man before him change a minute amount. His breathing increased and he licked his lips.
"I might have to come in more often though." The man said to Crowley with a sly smile.
Crowley leaned one of his hips against a bookshelf and gave the man a wicked smile back. "Found a book you like?"
"Something like that."
"Well, let me know if I can help you find anything else that you might be interested in."
The man blushed a bit. "So, I often go to this club in town called, 'The Purple Pit', you heard of it?"
"I have.", Crowley lied.
"Well, my friends and I will be there tonight and if you happened to stop by, you should definitely come say hi. I can give you my number if you wanna text when you get there."
"I think I'd like that very much." Crowley pulled his mobile from his back pocket and handed it to the man. He leaned in a bit closer to him to watch as he created a contact page.
From the other side of the bookshelf a very confused and bewildered angel stared. When the interaction was over and the man left with a come-hither smile and a wink in Crowley's direction, Aziraphale popped out of his place of observation.
"What in the Hel-avens was that about?!", He looked at Crowley pointedly.
Crowley shrugged, "Just taking care of your customers s-all."
"W-with a LUST spell!?"
"I mean, he did leave without buying a book didn't he?", Crowley pointed out.
"Well, yes. But was such a powerful lust spell required for that? The entire shop reeks of it!", Aziraphale begun to lock up the shop doors and open the windows.
Crowley huffed, "wasn't THAT powerful. Coulda gotten his number without...", he trailed off.
Aziraphale was back next to him after finishing with the windows. "Why on Earth was that necessary? You don't have to do those things for assignments anymore. I mean, I know that you have demonic urges, but I thought your little pranks were satisfactory for you. You've caused people plenty of grief gluing coins down to the sidewalks, haven't you?", he looked almost a touch sick as he spoke.
Crowley tried to ignore the distraught way that Aziraphale was starting to look. "Aziraphale,", he chuckled, "it's-it's just a bit of fun, is all."
"A bit of fun. You mean making humans sexually frustrated, right?"
Crowley bit a small portion of his lip. He was going to have to come out and practically say it, wasn't he? "Well, I...."
"But then why would you have him type his number into your mobile? Was that part of the trick too? Are you just giving him extra hope that, well... but what if he just finds someone else tonight? And you don't really get to witness frustration quite like the coin and glue I wouldn't think." Aziraphale was rambling and trying to make sense of it in any way but... that way.
"Aziraphale, I'm going to go out tonight. I haven't been out in awhile and that club could be fun.", Crowley shrugged.
Aziraphale's face fell. "I-oh. That does sound... I mean, clubs are places to have fun. Do you, um, do you think you'll meet up with that gentleman?"
Crowley raised one eyebrow at Aziraphale. Inside he was probably just the same twisted up mess that his angel was; he hated watching him suffer, especially at his own hands. He was going to stick to his plan though, no matter how wicked it really was. "An-Aziraphale, I'm going to text him when I get there, like he asked me to do and as you heard in your eavesdropping, and I'll see what happens."
"Right. 'see what happens'", Aziraphale was wringing his hands with his brows furrowed.
"'M not going to be gone forever.", Crowley forced a dry chuckle. "'M not taking one of my long naps. I'll, uh, be back 'round in time for brunch tomorrow if you'd like? We could, mmm, all go out for brunch tomorrow, yeah?", He glanced in Muriel's direction, but Muriel was deeply focused on the book that they and Aziraphale had been discussing earlier. They seemed oblivious to the drama unfolding across the shop.
"Yes. That would be nice. Good. Um, I'll just be here and then you can, um, come pick us up when you're no longer... busy." Aziraphale was grimacing, frowning, and continuing to wring his hands together. An absolute idiot could see that Aziraphale was suffering and any normal person would ask, "Oh dear, what's wrong?" But Crowley was going to pretend that he was the most oblivious idiot on Earth and since he wasn't a normal person, or a person at all, he wasn't going to ask Aziraphale anything about his current demeanor.
"Right, well, I'm going to take off now. Gotta figure out something to wear. I'll see ya later, An-Aziraphale.", Crowley spun on his heel and headed toward the door.
"Right.", Was all Aziraphale could muster to squeak out as he watched Crowley go. His eyes started to glisten.
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What business was it of his if Crowley chose to enjoy the company of a human? There was really no need for him to feel upset about the situation. Crowley would be back tomorrow; not even 24 hours later. Previously, they had gone hundreds of years without seeing each other at some points in time. That wasn't really the problem though was it?