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“Umamin ka na kasi,” Donghyuck said as Renjun kept on repeating how much he likes Jaemin. It's not been long after Renjun realized that he likes Jaemin but he’s already down bad for him. Down down bad. The worst thing about it? Jaemin and Renjun are friends so it won’t be easy for him to just go around and confess out of the blue. After all, Renjun will leave. He has at least 2 months before graduation before he leaves— that’s the only thing that fears and considers.
“Gago, bawal. BFFies lang kami niyan ni Jaem ‘no!” Renjun would repeat saying the same thing all over again, sawang-sawa na nga si Donghyuck marinig ‘yan araw-araw.
“Edi sana inisip mo ‘yan before ka magkagusto sa kaniya.”
“Yung alin?”
“Na magkaibigan kayo.”
Game over. Napanalo na naman ni Donghyuck ang argument between sa kanila ni Renjun. Tama rin naman kasi siya, but for Renjun, feelings are inevitable. ‘Pag nakaramdam siya ng gano’n, one thing’s for sure is ‘di na niya tatantanan ‘yan considering the fact that he and Jaemin are friends. (Small) Human interactions pa nga lang nila sa school, kinikilig na siya— and probably something worse than that. Yet you can’t blame him either, tama naman siya na inevitable ang feelings sa isang tao but the only thing that keeps him away is the time. Mark even mentioned that there is no such thing as ‘bad timing’ when it comes to things like that. And if Renjun feels like the world is giving him a sign already, he should take the opportunity. At the end of the day, we’re Renjun. Ano ba si Renjun? Torpe.
—
“Renjun!” Renjun heard a familiar voice calling his name, it’s obviously none other than Jaemin.
“Jaem, ano ‘yun?”
“Alam mo, dapat hindi na tayo mag-expect ng most punctual award sa graduation”
“Bobo. Wala namang gano’n. Ano ka, elem?”
“Hirap mo naman pasayahin, Jun. By the way, how are things going out with your yellow school requirements? Do you need help?”
Not again. This is something Renjun won’t talk about whenever he’s with Jaemin. Laging pumapasok sa isip niyang aalis siya— aalis naman talaga siya, but he just can’t help not to worry about it when it’s Jaemin himself asking it.
Why do you keep on reminding me that I'll leave? And that I will forever keep these feelings a secret?
“Ah, ‘yung diploma na lang and pirma ng principal natin na pwede na akong mag-transfer sa ibang school. Alanganin nga since mauuna deadline of requirements sa yellow school kaysa sa graduation natin. But they have a plan naman for that so I think I’m good to go.”
“I’m so proud of you, Jun. Very proud of you. I’ll keep on saying that hanggang manawa ka.”
“Too bad, words of affirmation ang love language ko. Paano ba ‘yan?” Renjun teased. That’s the least thing he could do or indirectly confessing to Jaemin since hindi niya pa rin talaga alam kung saan siya kukuha ng lakas ng loob para umamin. Palakasan na lang talaga ng kapit sa Diyos.
"That's my love language too, that's why I keep on complimenting you whenever I'll get the chance to do so." Jaemin says. Renjun knows Jaemin isn't lying at all, that's why he wants to believe him— he IS believing Jaemin with whatever he'll say. But with these feelings that he's been keeping, it's hard to believe him.
"Mga salitaan mo talaga, Jaem. Let's go na, or else late na naman tayo sa Gen Chem."
" Na naman. You should work harder."
"You should go to school earlier then."
—
They're at the bench again— just Donghyuck and Renjun all over again. Gawain nila 'to ever since, lalo na kung free period nila at tinatamad na naman pumasok ang Physics teacher nila.
"Hay, Renjun. Kailan ka kaya aamin?" Tanong ni Donghyuck out of nowhere. Lagi niya 'tong inaasar kay Renjun tuwing nagpapapanggap silang nagrereview under the tree. Mala-Isaac Newton ang galawan.
"Donghyuck pwede ba"
"Oh, gagalit ka na naman eh. Panggap panggap ka pa diyang nirereview mo yung subject ni Ma'am Ivy pero you're literally stuck in one specific page only."
"It's just—I'm— a lot of things are going inside my head right now. We will be graduating soon, magiging busy na tayo sa college life natin and we'll be separated. Nakapasa ka nga ng UP, elbi ka naman. Tapos nasa España ako. I don't know, Donghyuck. I don't even know if I can handle everything at once." Renjun revealed. Though it doesn't look like he's going through a lot of things these days, deep inside sobrang dami na rin niyang iniisip. It's true though, within 2 months he'll leave this school and start a new life environment. And as someone who is socially introverted, he doesn't know how to interact with people there. He wants people to like him, he wants everyone to be comfortable around him. But how can he do that when he's no longer with his since-elem-friend Donghyuck and with his since-elem-bestfriend , Jaemin. Minsan nga napapaisip si Renjun bakit hindi sila friend group considering na magkakasama sila since elem. Until now, he doesn't know whether there's a beef between Jaemin and Donghyuck but he would rather not interfere with them instead. At hindi man madalas lumabas si Jaemin at Renjun, but they're closer than anyone— closer than with whatever Donghyuck and Renjun have. The only reason why Renjun tries not to bond with him anymore is because he likes Jaemin. Kasi naniniwala si Renjun na kapag nakakasama na naman niya ng mas madalas si Jaemin, he'll fall deeper and deeper. Ngayon pa nga lang he's already longing for his presence. He wants to talk to him and trauma dump to him. Out of all the friends that Renjun has, si Jaemin lang din naman nakakaintindi sa kaniya nang sobra.
"Oh my god, Jun. I'm sorry. I didn't know you're going through that. I should've ask you sometimes. Pero with whatever you're feeling, valid na 'yan 'yung nararamdaman mo ngayon. But it will serve as a challenge to you, Jun. Kasi not all the times, I'm always around for you. Not all the times, Jaemin won't be around for you. Siyempre we have our own lives as well. 'Di ba nga sabi mo sa akin noon na you don't fear anything? Then panagutan mo 'yan. Show to everyone that you're Renjun Huang and you have nothing to fear. At the end of the day, we will still be friends. No matter what happens, Jun."
They don't usually go for a talk like this. Hindi naman din madramang tao si Donghyuck that's why it's unusual to hear those from him. Pero kahit pa hindi ganiyang tao si Donghyuck, he will always be that kind of friend. Mapang-asar at gago man siya minsan, he'll always have a soft spot for you. For Donghyuck, if you're only a friend, you should be treated as someone who is special too. And that is how Donghyuck visualizes Renjun.
—
"Jun, why did you choose Accounting?" Jaemin asked out of nowhere. Nasa dorm sila ni Renjun ngayon and barely doing nothing. Actually, si Jaemin lang. Since Renjun is working on his report. Jaemin decided to come over to accompany ni Renjun. Alam niyang stressed na stressed si Renjun these days and it's difficult for him to find a time to rest. So instead, Jaemin made a deal with him na after accomplishing his report, they'll bond afterwards. Just like the older days. Hindi na rin naman na sila nakakapagbonding. It's been a month since they last went out. And guess where they went? Sa national library. Of course, acad-related activities pa rin. Jaemin missed it, kaya nga dali-dalian agad siyang umalis sa dorm niya para puntahan si Renjun the moment Renjun agreed that they should hang-out.
"Oh my god. How did you know?"
"Saw your application once, you never told me what program you chose eh. Nakabalandra din 'yung application mo so I take a look on it." Jaemin revealed. Renjun never told anyone about the program he chose, not even Donghyuck. The reason why? Ayaw niyang tinatanong na 'why did you choose accountancy?' Kasi to be honest, hindi niya rin alam kung bakit. Nag-spin the wheel lang siya and it happened na natapat sa BSA. College life 101 with Renjun.
"I actually don't know either. Ang ganda lang pakinggan noon eh."
"Seryoso ka ba?"
"Keme lang bhie. Sa totoo lang, nag-spin the wheel lang ako when choosing my course. Natapat sa accounting then ayun na pinili ko. So after that day, I searched the possible careers after I graduate. And guess what, I can be a CPA Lawyer! I just have to pass the board exams to be a CPA and go to law school after then take the boards again. Ang complicated pero with that kind of career, parang ang dami ko nang narating sa buhay ko."
"That's wonderful to hear then. You're a person who doesn't run out of dreams."
"We're all dreamers, after all."
"We all are." Jaemin smiled at him and just stared directly at Renjun— without even saying a word. Walang kumibo sa kanila that's why Renjun attempted to do it— it was unsuccessful because before he could, Jaemin already did.
"Renjun?" Jaemin spoke again.
"Yes?"
"Has no one told you yet how pretty you are?"
"No one… did… yet… Why though?"
"Then I'll do the honors. You're very pretty, Renjun. Everything about you is very pretty."
Butterflies. That's the only thing that Renjun could feel right now. Alam naman niya sa sarili niya na ganitong tao si Jaemin, he would literally compliment everything that he thinks are pleasing for him. It's not new at all, but how Jaemin worded it, kakaiba 'yung pakiramdam. Renjun even wishes na if it is only a dream, sana magising na siya. He doesn't know how to react, hindi niya alam kung i-cocompliment din niya ba si Jaemin or mag- thank you na lang siya. But Renjun isn't that type of person that would thank you for complimenting him. Minsan pa nga, magdadagdag pa siya ng jokes to lighten up the mood. For this moment? He couldn't even think of anything. Si Jaemin at si Jaemin lang naiisip niya. He even thanked god na tapos na siya sa report niya or else i-ccram na naman niya ito nang maaga bukas just because whatever the fuck Jaemin has said to him.
"Jaem," Renjun finally spoke— Jaemin's nickname is the only thing he could say right now. Ni hindi niya nga alam 'yung dahilan kung bakit 'yon lang sinabi niya.
"Yes? Is something wrong?" Jaemin worriedly asked, napansin niyang nag-space out for a minute si Renjun upon saying those to him.
"Please don't break my heart today."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know if it is obvious but—" Renjun was cut off when Jaemin pulled him for a kiss. He was shocked in response and tried to push Jaemin away but as he kissed back and wrapped around his arms to Jaemin's nape, he couldn't stop kissing the latter as well. Renjun wanted more and Jaemin could tell it, that's why he gave Renjun what he wanted. He wrapped his hand to Renjun's waist as the other hand was used to manoeuvre them to the couch. When Renjun pulled out, they were already catching breath but it didn't stop them from crashing into each other's lips again. Renjun tried not to think of whatever the fuck Jaemin was thinking before he kissed Renjun. It is something that he should overthink and worry about for the rest of the night. What matters more is that Jaemin is on top of him, exploring every part of Renjun's mouth.
When they pulled away, Renjun then stood from the couch and immediately went inside his room leaving Jaemin all alone in the living room.
"Jun, let's talk." Jaemin knocked several times in Renjun's door, but the only response he got was "Jaem, please leave." He couldn't leave— hindi niya kayang iwanan lang nang ganiyan si Renjun without even having a proper conversation with him.
"Let's talk about it, Jun. Properly. Hindi ako aalis nang hindi tayo nakakapag-usap nang maayos."
"Then what? Sasabihin mong it's just a mistake and you didn't mean it at all? Na we should forget about it agad-agad? Tangina naman Jaem, hindi ako gano'n kabobo at kagago." Renjun cried out, he can only shout the words he said kasi ayaw niyang papasukin si Jaemin sa kwarto niya. He can't even imagine ano 'yung itsura ni Jaemin ngayon— it's getting worse. Gusti na rin sana niyang i-confront si Jaemin about everything. About how much he likes his best friend. But he feels like the world doesn't want to give him a sign to do so.
"Jun… it's not like that. I'll explain everything to you if you will let me. Just let me in. Please." Jaemin begged. Willing naman talaga siyang mag-explain kasi Renjun got it all wrong.
When Renjun opened the door, he saw Renjun with swollen eyes and runny nose. He didn't think twice before pulling him in a hug. He knows Renjun needs more than a comfort— and Jaemin is— a comfort to Renjun.
"Explain."
"I won't make things long. Jun, I like you. And I want you in my life. I don't care if we will be graduating soon and we'll part our ways. I did that not to hurt you but to show how much I like you— how much I love you. It's always has been you that I want. Jun, for me you are not a movie we would always watch whenever we're together. For me, you are real. " Jaemin finally confessed everything to Renjun. Jaemin has liked Jaemin since then. Ever since Renjun developed feelings for Jaemin. One thing about Jaemin? Torpe rin siya. He is not an expressive person, kaya pinakita niya na lang kay Renjun niya gusto niya ito. On the contrary, manhid din naman kasi si Renjun— not really. Renjun's attachment issues are just acting up kaya he overthinks a lot.
Little did they know, they were just waiting for each other to confess. Knowing that the feelings they have for each other is mutual.
"Jaem."
"You don't have to say anything yet,"
"I like you too. If you're wondering kung ano dahilan bakit tumatanggi na ako sa mga hang-outs natin minsan is because of these feelings I have for you. Ayoko nang nakakasama ka kasi I want it to stop."
"You don't have to stop it, Jun. Andito na 'ko. You don't have to worry about everything." Renjun tries not to cry, but there he is right now, crying in front of Jaemin just because Jaemin said that he likes him too. He doesn't even know he is crying, he just realized that he is when he finally breaks down in front of Jaemin.
"Jun, I know it's not too late. Will you go out with me?" Jaemin held Renjun's hands and intertwined them.
"Until the last day of may?"
"Forever." He reassured Renjun. Renjun could only nod at him as he's lost in words— he is overwhelmed by what is currently happening to him. Yet he didn't mind it at all. With Jaemin beside him, all of his worries are gone.
With Jaemin beside him. Forever.
—
Things elevated pretty quickly. They decided to keep their relationship lowkey but not private. Everyone close to them knew about it, especially their parents. Tuwang-tuwa pa nga 'yung nanay ni Renjun the moment he revealed to his family na sila na ni Jaemin. His mother then revealed that "alam mo, Jaemin. Gusto ko talaga kayo para sa isa't-isa. Saka para wala na akong magiging problema kung sino man makatuluyan ni Renren. Ingatan at paki alagaan na lang ang Renren namin ha?" Tinawanan na lang ni Jaemin 'yung sinabi sa kaniya ng nanay ni Renjun but he gave Renjun's family an assurance that he will take care of him and love him for as long as he could.
As for Donghyuck's reaction, as expected, he's happiest for the two of them. Imagine, he got to experience how desperate Renjun wants to confess before but fear always comes first for him. Donghyuck would tease Renjun with "until now hindi ko pa rin alam kung saan ka kumuha ng lakas ng loob umamin sa lalaking 'yan." Renjun would only laugh at Donghyuck since he never knew how the confession went. No one knew it— it was only for Jaemin and Renjun to know and to keep. Maybe he'll save it for another time.
—
Graduation.
One of the most awaited events in someone's life (according to Renjun, most awaited talaga 'yan lalo na kung may medal kang bitbit.) Kidding aside, with or without it, everyone did their best and did everything they can just to survive this school year. For the whole 10 months in school, pressure and stress lang nakuha niya but it was all worth it. Renjun graduated high school as the valedictorian of their class. He gave his blood, sweat, and tears for this. Naging worry pa nga niya before 'yung valedictorian speech niya since he sucks at writing something like this. But Jaemin consoled him and said he can do it and there's a reason why he is the valedictorian. Renjun even retorted back by saying, "wala naman sa plano kong mag-valedictorian 'no!" Jaemin just laughed at his boyfriend, adoring how cute he is since speech na lang niya, cinacram niya pa. Either way, they were able to pull it off. Jaemin helped Renjun and there is Renjun, standing at the podium in front of everyone while he is reciting the speech they made. Of course, he didn't forget to acknowledge and thank everyone who helped him all throughout his high school years. What's the purpose of the acknowledgement if he won't be mentioning Jaemin as well?
And of course to Jaemin, the guy I met for more than a decade already. My classmate and my friend in one since we were in elementary— now the person who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. We don't know what the future will tell us but I want you to know how happy I am whenever we're together and that's more than enough already. Grateful for your existence everyday. I won't make this long but I will keep on choosing you and treasure you. Congratulations to us, my love. We did it again.
Everyone stood up and clapped for Renjun as he said the final words that concluded his speech. Jaemin, on the other hand, couldn't be more proud of him. He even mounted an i love you to Renjun when their eyes met. It's true that they don't know what the future will tell them but what is a relationship without facing challenges and conflicts together? And that's the thing about the two of them, you can really see that they're willing to fight for their relationship. After all, they waited ages for this to happen and they're not willing to give up on it.
Everyone is happy.
Everyone's heart is full of love.
And so is Renjun and Jaemin.