Chapter Text
He sat in potions, his last class of the day, and was highly regretting his choice of coming back for eighth year (as it was being called) every time he breathed deeply through the unforgiving pain piercing through his chest. He had only wanted to return and finish his NEWT qualifications so he could get a job without relying on his fame, but he was quickly realising this was going to be a lot harder than he had originally bargained for.
The pain was coming from the damn scar left behind by the second killing curse he had managed to survive in the forbidden forest. The lightning bolt scar itself didn’t look much different from the one still on his forehead except from being slightly larger, but for some reason it caused constant unbearable pain that none of the doctors at St Mungos had been able to explain.
He sighed deeply as another wave crashed through him. He hadn’t told anyone about it, everyone had their own traumas and losses to deal with after the end of the war, they didn’t have to deal with his issues on top of their own. He could deal with it alone, well at least he thought he could.
Originally, he hadn’t though it was that bad, the Dursleys punishments making him focus on much stronger pain elsewhere, but after he ran away from there and moved into Grimmauld Place and healed up a bit he had realised how bad it truly was. He had spent the summer alone in the dark old house left by his Godfather because, after breaking up with Ginny, Ron wasn’t happy with him, so he didn’t feel comfortable accepting Molly’s invitations to the Burrow. Being alone meant he had spent a lot of time with the pain, trying to figure out how to help it, and if needed when to give up entirely and just lie in it. However, now, he didn’t have the option to bury himself in his bed and after sitting through all of his classes today, the pain was becoming unbearable and it was even making him feel slightly lightheaded, which mixed with the fumes of the potions wasn’t making for a very enjoyable lesson.
The only positive he had to go on, was that Professor Snape actually seemed to be bearable this year. The man was finally free from spying duties so was free to properly teach them without having to pretend to hate his very existence. Snape was still strict, obviously having to be in a classroom full of students brewing potentially lethal potions but was now taking the time to calmly explain mistakes meaning they were all less on edge and were actually able to focus. Well, he would be able to focus if he didn’t feel like he was two seconds away from throwing up.
He added another ingredient into his potion and carefully tried to stir the rod in the right direction without shifting from the barely manageable position he had found. Sighing he attempted to read the next instruction, but his eyes were going fuzzy, and he couldn’t concentrate on a single word on the page. The heat around him felt suffocating as each breath he took in caused the ache in his chest to increase. He swayed slightly from where he was standing accidentally bumping into Hermione who looked at him concerned for a moment and then everything went completely and blissfully dark.
***
He had watched as Potter seemed to be struggling to concentrate, the boy moving sluggishly and breathing carefully. His years of spying and being a double agent meant that he was able to read body language impeccably meaning he could see the pain the boy was so carefully trying to mask - it seemed that even Potters friends hadn’t picked up on the strange behaviour – but of course if you knew what to look for then it was easy to see. He made sure to keep a close eye on the boy as he made his way round the room giving corrections here and there and made a mental note to himself to keep the boy behind to find the root of the issue. He thanked merlin that he didn’t have to act like he didn’t care anymore, truthfully, he had been caring too much about all of these kids since the war started. He had had to play his part, and well, to make sure he could complete his assignments to give everyone the best chance of survival possible, even if it meant is own demise.
Somehow, he had lived though, the anti-venom he had been keeping on him working enough to keep him alive until Potter scrambled back into the boating house to retrieve him. The boy had looked battered and broken then, but that was due to the natures of a battle, but now, there should have been no reason for the boy to look so utterly defeated. Trauma and grief can hit a person hard, but surely there had to have been someone around to at least make sure the boy ate enough.
Just as he shook himself out of his musings to instruct Longbottom on the next step, he heard a commotion from behind him, turning just in time to see Potter hit the cold stone floor with a dull thud. Everything seemed to freeze for a second and then complete chaos ensued.
“Everybody quiet and stay at your stations. I am going to vanish everyone’s potion and then everyone can pack up and leave as I take Mr Potter up to the hospital wing. We will redo this potion in your next lesson.” He instructed softly. Thankfully, he still had complete control over the class even now that he was a lot less intimidating, and everyone followed his instructions waiting for him to safely dispose of the half-finished potions before moving out the room.
He carefully dropped down next to Potters head and checked the boy over for any serious injuries or immediate concerns and when he found none, he levitated the boy’s body up preparing to head up to the hospital wing when he was stopped.
“Wait, can we come with you?” Granger asked looking concerned, but the youngest Weasley boy didn’t seem that worried for some reason making his mind start to spin to work out the full situation here.
He thought it over looking at the two children, who weren’t even children now since both had already turned 18, and then at Potter who obviously hadn’t shared whatever ailment with the two. “I’m sorry, incase this is a private issue I believe it is best if I take Potter alone. You may come and visit him shortly.” He didn’t know why Potter was keeping whatever was wrong a secret, but he trusted that there must be something important to the boy, so he wouldn’t be the one to spill it.
With a parting look at the standing two thirds of the golden trio, he excited the classroom, Potters body floating beside him.
“Poppy.” He called as soon as he entered the pristine white walls of the hospital wing. He placed Potter on the bed just as the medi-witch bustled out of her office.
“Honestly, I thought maybe I would get a break from him constantly getting into trouble, but he couldn’t even last through the first day of term it seems. What happened? Potions accident?” Poppy was already running scans over the boy rapidly, a parchment appearing next to her for notes.
“Surprisingly no, his potion actually seemed to be going well. However, he did seem to be in pain throughout the lesson, I was planning on keeping him behind to supply him with a potion to help if possible but then he collapsed. It seems that his friends were unaware of the issue so I’m betting that the boy is keeping something a secret, the question is, what?”
“Well….” The medi-witch dropped her wand with a last flick and turned to the abnormally long piece of parchment. “I have run all of the general scans so let’s see if it has picked anything up.”
“Have you found the cause?” He asked eventually.
“No, this is all just the usual stuff, we will just need to wait till he wakes up to ask him more about it. You don’t need to wait, if I need any potions, I will send for you.”
“What do you mean, the usual stuff? That parchment was far too long for a normal scan list.”
“It is normal for Mr Potter here; I am not able to disclose with you the ailments on that list due to my medical confidentiality oath and I have not been given express permission to share the information.”
“I see, sorry to overstep. I would like to stay here until Potter wakes if that’s alright?”
“Of course, if you are waiting here then I can go sort out some of my paperwork while we wait, just call for me once he wakes.”
Sighing he took a seat next to the bed and surveyed the boy in it. He wasn’t sure why he felt compelled to stay, he may not have to be a complete arsehole to the children anymore, but he wasn’t obliged to wait here until Potter woke up. He placed it down to curiosity, a way to find out a little bit of truth about the real Harry Potter rather than the James Potter replica he had forced himself to see all these years. He wasn’t stupid, he had seen quite clearly since the first day that Harry and James couldn’t be more different, but he had to grasp at anything to make his hatred seem convincing enough not to blow his cover. He didn’t have to do that now, he was now free of manipulations and could act as he wished, so he settled into the chair ready to wait however long it would take for Potter to wake.
***
He blinked slowly, the lights blinding him as he tried to figure out where he was. He took a deep breathe and attempted to sit up when the shooting pains going through his chest forced him to slump back down and reminded him of what happened. He had passed out in Potions, so now he was most likely lying in a bed in the hospital wing.
“How are you feeling?” He startled at the sound of the deep voice which definitely didn’t belong to either Hermione or Ron. Not that he expected either of them to be at his bedside, the two so caught up in their new relationship, added onto the fact that Ron was annoyed at him for breaking up with Ginny, meant that he was being left on his own more and more.
He blinked his eyes open and slowly turned his head over to locate the voice, surprise overcoming him when he was faced with Professor Snape sitting on the hard chair next to his bed.
“Are you alright? Do you need a drink?”
He blinked for a second before finally his surprise wore off enough for him to give a nod, gratefully drinking from the straw that was immediately placed against his lips as the man called for Pomphrey.
“Ahh Harry, I hoped I wouldn’t be seeing you in here for a while but I guess you just missed me too much that you couldn’t help it. Would you be able to tell me the cause of your fainting spell earlier, I wasn’t able to find anything on my scans earlier.”
“No one ever can.” He mumbled before raising his voice to answer Pomphrey’s question missing the intrigued look Snape gave him. “It was just a mix between the heat and the potions fumes. I guess I’m not used to it after missing classes all of last year to go camping.” He joked lightly.
“What about the pain you were and currently are in? Was that another contributing factor?” He blushed at being caught, cursing the fact he had forgotten that Snape saw everything. “So, it seems my assumptions were correct, would you like to tell us what the pain is, maybe we can help?”
“That’s doubtful, with the amount of people who have offered help before only to not find a cause or a solution, I haven’t got much hope in me that anyone will.”
“Give us a chance, we might surprise you?” Madam Pomphrey smiled kindly.
“It’s the second killing curse scar, the one on my chest. It has been constantly sore since my adrenaline wore off after the battle. At the start of the summer, I didn’t think it was that bad, but it has just been getting progressively worse. I tried St Mungos but no one there could help me so I just figured I would need to live with it.”
“Well obviously that isn’t a good option when you can’t stay on your feet for a whole day of classes?” Snape said with surprisingly no malice. “It’s obvious you haven’t told Granger or Weasley, but is there anyone you have told?”
“Not really got anyone left who would notice especially with Ron annoyed with me and Hermione not wanting to ruin their relationship neither of them noticed it. Everyone else is dealing with their own shit, they shouldn’t have to deal with my stuff as well, so it’s easier just to keep it to myself. It fine though today was only bad because I didn’t realise how hard attending classes would be. I will have it all figured out soon, there isn’t any need for anyone to worry.”
“It’s always better to have at least one person to talk through so you aren’t bottling things up. Leave it with me and I will research through all of my medical journals to see if there is any old spell, I can find to help you. In the meantime, though, I would like it if you would stay here for at least a couple more hours and I don’t want you leaving here till you have eaten and drank something.”
“Fine, but only a couple hours, I have been stuck in this room far too many times in my school years” He groaned sitting up slowly as food popped onto the tray next to his bed which Snape helped situate over him.
“I will look through all off my potion’s books to see if I have anything to do with the unforgivables and pain management that I could maybe modify for you. Also, it may seem that you don’t need anyone else’s help right now but that is just your brain still surviving on the war instinct. Let someone in wether that be your relatives or one of the many Weasleys or someone else you trust. Take it from me who worked as a lone double agent all those years, having someone in your corner makes everything a hell of a lot easier. Rest now, I will return if I find anything within the next few hours if not, I will send you a note to come to my office for me to discuss any advances I make.” Snape was off then, black robes still billowing dramatically (one thing that didn’t seem to be changing anytime soon) leaving him to sit alone sipping at his soup.
He stared into the bowl below him, maybe he could allow himself to hope, to believe that there is a possibility that it would be over soon. That he would be able to return to a life he had forgotten about, a life where he didn’t spend every minute in pain simply because he was breathing or sleeping or simply anything that day to day life required. Maybe if he wasn’t in so much pain, he would have the energy to fix things between him and Ron and then he would be able to get his friend back properly. He could finally attend one of the Weasley family dinner’s Molly kept inviting him to without feeling awkward with the two youngest siblings being upset with him and he could finally not feel so alone. Maybe, just maybe, he could have the normal life he has craved for years, the life he dreamed he would have once Voldemort was defeated. Maybe something was finally going to happen.