Archive of Our Own

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

-1- “I wanted you to see.”

Fuck. 

“You’re not helping at all!” Chaeyoung exclaimed. 

Nayeon rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms, “I don’t even know what I’m helping with.. You haven’t said shit to me! All you said was, meet me at Jisoo's locker after school ..” 

Chaeyoung stopped pacing for a moment, and stared at her. She was right about that. 

Though this was a last-minute thing, she needs Nayeon’s moral support to actually do it because, there was no way in this solar system she was going to do it on her own. 

Having feelings for Kim Jisoo, aka Chaeyoung’s best best friend, was one thing, and accepting them was another. But actually confessing them in words? In person? Face to face? 

Not for Chaeyoung, not an option, a love letter can do the job for her. She never realized how difficult it would be, her arm would jerk away every time she got close to slipping the letter inside Jisoo’s locker. 

Damn, confessing was hard. 

They had a week before graduation, this was a time to be brave, confident, two things Chaeyoung knew she had inside her and wore those two traits like the coat of a proud captain. The girl practically oozed confidence, but when it came to Jisoo, she melted into a mushy puddle of feelings and powerlessness, Chaeyoung loved it. 

So, why was it so hard for her to confess her romantic feelings for a best friend? Obviously, she’s scared because, rejection, duh, but also her feelings could be a bitch and take it way harder than she needs to. It’s the aftermath Chaeyoung’s afraid about, if Jisoo denies them, she’ll take it and try her best to move on, though it’s iffy on the acceptance bit, Jisoo hasn’t rung any bells or shown any interest in girls, it was also boys. 

“Nayeon..” Chaeyoung sighed, “I need support and harsh motivation to get me to confess to Jisoo..” 

Nayeon widened her eyes, sucking in air through her teeth before responding, “Ohh… um, ain’t she straight though?” 

Chaeyoung side glanced at her, continuing to pace back and forth. “You ever seen her with a boyfriend or guy crush?” 

Nayeon shook her head, a dazed look on her face as her eyes followed Chaeyoung. 

“Exactly!” 

“But, have you seen her with a girlfriend or girl crush? Plus.. there is that guy she’s been talking to.” 

Chaeyoung glared, also shaking her head. “That won’t stop me regardless, she could be asexual or something..” she mumbled. 

“Okay then, I’ll try..” Nayeon cleared her throat, stopping Chaeyoung as she grabbed her shoulders. “Woman the fuck up, it's literally just a goddamn piece of paper, put it in her locker already! You are goddamn Park Chaeyoung, and you're acting like a wimp? What is this behavior blondie?” 

She slapped Chaeyoung, the latter gaping at her. 

“What the f–”

“You’re so dramatic.. Just put it in or else I’ll do it, you got feelings for a beautiful girl, and that beautiful girl deserves to know you …” Nayeon jabbed a finger into her chest, “to know that you are in love with her, and you wanna know why?” 

Chaeyoung tilted her head, making a face, but nodded anyway, afraid to get slapped again. “And why is that..?” 

“Because you’re one of the best people this world has to offer, and that just comes naturally to you.. A person like yourself should be happy, and you loving Jisoo comes with that happiness, and you do what you want with the happiness..” 

Chaeyoung pursed her lips, a nervous weight lifting from her heart as she stayed quiet, grateful for a friend like her. 

“So, what do you need to do for that happiness?” Nayeon raised an eyebrow, now crossing her arms with a small smile. 

Chaeyoung stared at the letter in her hands, then Jisoo’s locker, “Confess..” 

“And why do you need to confess?” 

“Because I want– I need to… It’s been too long,” she said. 

Nayeon smiles at her, wiping away fake tears, “I’m so proud of my daughter..” she brought Chaeyoung into a tight hug. 

“Gahh, stop choking meee,” Chaeyoung whined, feeling the way her mouth curved into a smile. 

Nayeon squeezed several more times before releasing her. Chaeyoung bouncing on her toes as she gripped the letter in her hands, her head hanging low, then shooting back up with a smile. 

“I’m gonna do it..” 

“You’re gonna do it.” Nayeon repeated. 

Chaeyoung furiously nodded, “I’m going to do it..” her words slowed as she turned on her heels, facing Jisoo’s locker. 

Nayeon nodded as well, “Yes you are..” 

“I’m–” 

“Guysss!” 

Chaeyoung widened her eyes, both Nayeon and her turning around to see Jisoo waving at them. She hid her letter as the two greeted her back. All of her feelings rushing back tenfold, her cheeks warmed up as she felt herself getting all mushy and soft. She watched Jisoo give a hug to Nayeon before turning to her. 

Chaeyoung thinks she’d die for that smile, it did funny things to her now pounding heart, making her short circuit momentarily. Jisoo had Chaeyoung’s heart wrapped around the softness of this girl, and she didn’t even know. Well, not yet at least. 

Jisoo grabbed Chaeyoung into a hug, and Chaeyoung tried hiding her blush into her black hair, though proved nothing as Nayeon’s eyebrows wiggling and smirk gave it away. 

She pulled back with the same permanent heart-shaped smile and Chaeyoung’s heart fluttered, the girl lost for words when Jisoo spoke. 

“What are you idiots doing being all mischievous around my locker?” 

“Talking about you and that guy,” Nayeon said, sending a look to Chaeyoung, and answered with another glare. 

Jisoo giggled, “You miss me that much, huh?” she poked at Nayeon’s side. Nayeon squirmed, groaning in denial as she gestured toward Chaeyoung. 

Jisoo playfully rolls her eyes, “That’s normal, Chaeyoung misses me all the time.” 

Chaeyoung cleared her throat, making Jisoo look at her for a moment. 

“And since you’re so interested in my dating life,” Jisoo threw an arm across Nayeon’s shoulders, “we’ve been on a few dates, and that’s all.. But, I may or may have not agreed to another.” 

Chaeyoung’s heart plummeted. 

The sudden crash shattering all her previous confidence, now being chased away by the heavy pit in her stomach. She looked off to the side, her blonde hair hiding her face as she stood there next to Jisoo, words about some guy entering one ear and out the other. 

Her heart was forced to do nothing, except latch on to every word coming out of Jisoo’s mouth, hearing a giddiness under each syllable that wasn’t for her. It hurt. 

“Chaengie? What’s behind your back?” 

“It’s nothing.” She looked back up and bit her lip. 

Jisoo quirked a brow, the same glint in her eyes appearing when she knew Chaeyoung was lying, though she always let it go. 

Nayeon had a tight smile, sending an apologetic look, though Chaeyoung slightly narrowed her eyes, she gestures it’s fine with a small smile. 

“Sounds like a nice guy..” Chaeyoung said. 

“He’s such a gentleman!” 

A couple more moments of Jisoo talking about him brought Chaeyoung further to tears, and she willed herself to keep up her smile. 

Jisoo grabs some stuff from her locker, and gave the two another hug before smiling and leaving. 

Her smile used to tug at Chaeyoung’s heart in a gentle, loving way, but now, it tightened the vein that pumped streams of one long reminder that this was the girl she was in love with. 

Boy did she need this reminder now? 

The gentleness turned sharp, the soft reminder from her heart turning into one of pain, veins full of love into thorns prickling inside her, and no puddle formed this time, instead, it was a terrible rainstorm for the day. And all Chaeyoung wanted to do was cry. 

She collapsed against the lockers, and slumped to the ground, Nayeon immediately to her aid as she tried her best to soothe her. 

Chaeyoung coughed, the feeling of crying stuck in her throat, the pain in her chest swelling provoked her sadness, though Nayeon’s words and care held it back. Stuck in the middle. 

She closed her eyes and leaned into Nayeon, Chaeyoung imagined a scenario where she wasn’t too long to slip the letter inside her locker. Jisoo would open it, be confused and Chaeyoung would reveal it to be hers, finally confessing and seeing that wonderful smile of hers before telling Chaeyoung she loved her too. They’d probably kiss, go throughout college together, more years pass, they get married, and blah blah blah.. 

Chaeyoung sighed, if only. 

“Hey.. it’s alright.. She’s your first love but maybe, question mark , your one true love doesn’t come now. They could be waiting for you outside high school. Or when we hit college or in your twenties..?” 

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes, knowing Nayeon was trying her best to comfort even with her inexperienced ass, but her trying was enough to make her feel a bit better. 

Though, she didn’t deny Nayeon because her first love wouldn’t have to be her only one, Chaeyoung can love others down the line, but she couldn’t believe that.

She almost did, but it was only to soothe the ache in her heart. 

Chaeyoung’s only known how to love Jisoo. 

But Chaeyoung quickly realized something. She didn’t need to give up. She hadn’t even tried for real to confess to Jisoo, so there was no need for this giving up pep talk. There wasn’t much time, and Chaeyoung was going to confess as fast as her feelings allowed. She had no reason to give up, Jisoo hasn’t heard any of her confession yet. 

With a new-found determination and a heart full of hopefulness, Chaeyoung was dead set on finally telling Jisoo. 

A week passes by, and Chaeyoung, in a mosh-pit of seniors like herself dressed in their graduation gowns and hats after receiving diplomas, searches through the crowd for Jisoo. 

She needed to tell her now, it was perfect for her. Blood rushed to her face, as if her heart was whispering right in her ears, guiding her to the path of confessing to Jisoo. 

Despite not wearing anything with pockets underneath the gown, Chaeyoung had her letter hidden under her graduation cap. It took her a few minutes, but she found Jisoo, a smile growing as she quickened her movements, though dimmed when she spotted a taller person on Jisoo’s side. 

Chaeyoung knew it was him. 

Letting out a shaky breath, she continued walking. 

Unfortunately, reality slowly trickled into her world, dust of her fantasy and delusions left behind as Chaeyoung watched the two kiss. The remains of her happy heart shriveled. Self-assurance and hopefulness deteriorating into a lonely pit of what used to be a full heart, and a twisting hot knife to her stomach, constantly drowning her into a swirl of what if’s. 

Was this her own fault..? 

The girl was many things, confident, prideful, determined, passionate, etc. Though, nothing from this outer shell forming showed any of those emotions. Created from the broken bits of her heart and now falling into heartbreak. It was muffling and blinding her inner self away from the quote-on-quote dangers of this world, and leaving a hardened version of Chaeyoung behind. 

This was supposed to be a blissful day, the sun shining brightly with clear skies, it was her graduation day yet ironically felt more fitting for a funeral. She was happy to graduate, but seeing Jisoo kiss someone else.. 

Was she really about to graduate from two things in a day? 

From high school and now from loving Jisoo? This was such a cruel thing to do to Chaeyoung, bring her up into a high point of school, then immediately kick her in the stomach into a harsh fall with college around the corner. 

With the shy smile Jisoo gave after they pulled away, Chaeyoung's spirit was withering, peeling away like a second layer of skin. She tried her best to smile as Jisoo walked over to her. 

“Hey..” Jisoo said, a little breathless. 

“Hi.” 

Chaeyoung looked down, her clenched fists hidden by the long cloth covering them as she tried her best to just be Jisoo’s best friend, and not someone who’s choking on the reality of their one-sided love. 

She looked back up with a smile she hoped looked believable, then swallowed before gesturing toward the guy, “He’s your boyfriend now, huh?” 

“Oh, no no.. I honestly didn’t know he was going to do that, though…” 

Chaeyoung tilted her head.

Please don't say she likes him, please say she was caught off guard and felt nothing from the kiss. Just one sign to say Chaeyoung still had a chance, please. Jisoo, please, just anything to tell her she wasn't too late. 

She repeated the thoughts like a prayer, hoping the words could appear on her face so she wouldn’t have to say it. 

“...I think he might ask me to be his girlfriend soon,” Jisoo said.

Chaeyoung’s eyes watered. She doesn’t want to cry in front of her. 

“Should I accept it?” 

No.

“If you want to..” Chaeyoung answered. 

Jisoo sighed, then nodded. 

She copied the sigh right after and took off her cap, reaching inside. She took out the small envelope, of course, Jisoo was confused as she handed it to her. Like she thought a week ago, Jisoo still hadn’t heard her confession, though this time, she really might be too late. 

Jisoo slowly takes it and stares at it. She was about to open it but Chaeyoung quickly stopped her. 

“I know what I’m about to say is crazy, but…” Chaeyoung took a slow breath, “only open this when ten years has passed.” 

“What?!” Jisoo shot a bewildered look, staring at the envelope as it would explode in a couple of moments. 

“I know.. Just.. trust me? It’ll be nothing much because by the time you read it.. it won’t matter,” Chaeyoung smiled. 

“Wha..? Won’t matter? Chaeyoung..” Jisoo only looked more confused and concerned, it made Chaeyoung want to cry. 

“I doubt that, you know anything from you means the most to me. Don’t you dare say this won’t matter..” Jisoo gripped the letter, stepping closer to her. 

Chaeyoung let out a humorless laugh and brought her into a tight hug. She closed her eyes as Jisoo hugged back, savoring the feel of Jisoo in her arms, pretending for just a moment, that she was truly hers. Breathing in the vanilla scent intoxicated her senses, Chaeyoung was addicted to everything about this girl, no wonder she fell in love. 

“Chu.. promise me you won’t open it too early..”

One last thing Jisoo could do for her love, just one last thing, even if Jisoo didn’t know it. 

“I promise.” 

—— {    ☆  ･   ﾟ    ✧    🪐  ｡   ･   ･   ﾟ   ☆   } ——

Chaeyoung groaned. 

She pulls up to her driveway, and puts her car in park. Chaeyoung got out of her car, but then, she got a text as soon as she closed her door. It was from Jisoo, and her heart jumped in her throat. 

She hasn’t heard from her in around a month, the surprise of this randomness both excited and scared her. 

Chaeyoung opened the text. 

Jichuu 🎀✨🤍 : Can we meet up at Bobby’s bar?  

She squinted her eyes. Why would Jisoo want to just meet up for drinks? Chaeyoung sent a text asking why, pocketing her phone as she got back inside her car. She felt a buzz before her ringtone played out. 

Humming to a song called, Lovesick Girls, she took out her phone, wanting to answer immediately, though Jisoo beat her to the punch. 

“I read the letter.”  

Chaeyoung paused. Letter?

“It’s been ten years Rosie..”  

Wait.. 

Oh. That letter, her letter. 

It didn’t take anymore for Chaeyoung to understand what Jisoo was talking about. The memory came instantly to her, and she sighed. A smile painted on Chaeyoung’s face. Of course Jisoo kept the promise. Out of all meaningless words and conversations thrown between them and other people, a promise of keeping a piece of paper stuck with her. 

It was no longer just a piece of paper to either of them though. Rather a question of what they decided to do with it. Chaeyoung loves Jisoo, she still does, and now Jisoo knows too. 

Chaeyoung takes a deep breath before saying, “I… I’ll meet you there..” 

“Please.. explain yourself, Chaeyoung.. And no bullshit either, just the straight-up truth.”  

Jisoo hung up.

Chaeyoung stared at her phone, watching the bright screen of the background of her and Jisoo snuggled up, turning into a dark reflection of herself, but alone this time. 

Pocketing the damned thing, Chaeyoung started her car up once again, and drove to Bobby’s Bar. It took her a little over ten minutes to get to the place, further plummeting Chaeyoung’s nerves into a rushed stream of uncertainty. 

Sighing one last time and facing the fear of confrontation, she got out of her car and entered the bar. 

The humid air in the bar thick with people's hot breaths and laughs, the clinks of glasses clicking together, and the few stares toward Chaeyoung that made her squirm in disgust. She ignored everything else, trying to find a certain someone’s red hair to pick out in this sea of people. 

It didn’t take long to find Jisoo in a beautiful green dress, who was staring back expectantly with an eyebrow raised and stirring her empty glass. Chaeyoung swallowed as she felt a wave of nerves in the next couple of seconds, ready to crash her to the ground, but broke out of the trance when someone accidentally bumped into her. 

She shook her head a bit, put her hands inside her coat’s pockets, and made her way to Jisoo. 

Chaeyoung reached Jisoo, the woman now fiddling with her wedding ring on her finger. A saddening ache gnawed at her heart before she called out for her, “...J-Jisoo..?” 

She continues playing with the ring before smiling as she turns toward Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung let out a silent breath, then sat down slowly on the empty stool next to her. Jisoo waved down a bartender, and ordered drinks, water for Chaeyoung, and three shots of absinthe for herself. 

“You’re driving tonight,” Jisoo said. 

Chaeyoung furrowed her brows. 

Was Jisoo looking to get drunk quickly tonight? They came here to talk about her hidden feelings for Jisoo, but with how fast absinthe can hit someone, as she has heard, it worried her. Despite the smile and joking tone of Jisoo, she immediately nodded to her words, already mentally preparing to take care of a drunk Jisoo tonight. 

“Ah.. Should have warned me ahead of time then..” she joked. 

It took a while before their drinks arrived, and Chaeyoung let out a deep breath because now they had to talk. She was perfectly fine wallowing in regret and choked up love for the rest of her life, but Jisoo had to keep some stupid promise. 

Chaeyoung drank her water, several gulps, as she tried to wash away the bile building up inside and to delay the inevitable. Jisoo threw a glance, then went back to staring at her ring. They sat in an uncomfortable silence. Jisoo hadn’t even touched her drinks, still hung up on the ring while Chaeyoung stared at her, no longer than five seconds as Jisoo would look back often. 

Even with a silence stretching out to five minutes, Jisoo kept herself occupied with nothing else but the ring, like she was in a trance of some sort, completely forgetting about Chaeyoung right next to her. 

Chaeyoung settles on tapping on the counter, taking sips of her water occasionally, to catch someone’s attention. It didn’t work, of course, and another minute or so passed. 

She rolled her eyes inwardly, this was stupid. Jisoo called her to talk and decided to act like they just bumped into each other, no mentions of said letter or anything referring to it. Was she waiting on her to start explaining? Chaeyoung supposes this weird silence could be Jisoo waiting for her to talk. 

One last sigh, Chaeyoung opened her mouth to begin explaining. But, Jisoo had interrupted her before she could get a single syllable out. 

“I read the letter..” Jisoo said, as she finally stopped playing with her ring. 

Chaeyoung stiffened, though waited for her to continue. She felt small, the way her hands unconsciously gripped at her arms, her posture hunched over, and head down; like a child getting scolded by their mother. 

There was a dark, annoyed hint in Jisoo’s voice, further thickening the tension between them that Chaeyoung felt herself buckling under. 

She cleared her throat, “I’ve heard..” her words came out pathetic and heavy in a feeling that would make you think Chaeyoung cried before coming here. It was an attempt to bring some lightness in the bad atmosphere created. 

Jisoo glared for a moment. 

“Ya’ know,” she started off, and stared in the distance, “I actually believed this ring meant something to me.. When he gave me it at first..” 

Chaeyoung raised her eyebrows. 

“Well, now he’s my ex,” Jisoo said. 

“Ex? Are we talking about…” Chaeyoung trailed off, heart beating in anticipation, uncertainty, and the tiny selfish bit of herself cheering in happiness. 

She was truly questioning her own morals. This is not the time for her heart to be jumping up and down, practically screaming, pick me, over and over when her best friend is going through a rough patch. 

“Yeah, I divorced him last week.” 

“Oh…” Chaeyoung breathed out. 

Somehow, her body relaxed from the words, though her mind was still on edge. “How’d that happen? Are you doing alright?” Now, Chaeyoung possibly had an answer to why she was drinking.  

“I realized I never loved him.” 

Chaeyoung froze. Wow. 

Oh lord. 

“Uh.. Oh….” 

What the hell do you say in this situation? 

“What.. uh.. How did you realize this?” 

“Honestly.. If I were to pinpoint the exact day it went downhill, my wedding day,” Jisoo stole Chaeyoung’s water and took a drink. Chaeyoung straightened up, scooting closer to Jisoo, listening to every word she said. 

“I…” Jisoo started, “something was off when we got married, the moment I kissed him, something deep inside made me.. scared? But I forgot about it the moment I turned to look at you, and the day after it was when I remembered.. Our… uh...” She trailed off.

Chaeyoung tilted her head, asking Jisoo to continue. Jisoo rubbed her nape before she said, “My bachelorette night..” 

“What happened then?” she asked, earning a nervous look from Jisoo before sighing. 

“Later in the night.. When we were alone but extremely drunk, so remembering back it’s mainly all fuzzy and giggles, but something happened.. I’m sure you don’t remember though.” Jisoo looked off to the side, then continued, “I remember us cuddling, there was a lot of staring and touching between us, then you were so close to my face and I heard a little voice to do something, and… We kissed.” 

Chaeyoung widened her eyes, her jaw dropped as she covered her mouth, “Oh my g– I… Jisoo, I-I’m so sorry!” she panicked. 

“No no, don’t apologize, please..” Jisoo waved her off, a smile on her face in the process. 

“It wasn’t your fault anyway.. We were drunk but I.. I feel like I initiated it..” Jisoo said. 

“I.. But.. You were engaged at the time, but you remembered after the wedding? Why didn’t you say anything?” 

She shrugged, “I.. imagined something that wasn’t supposed to make an engaged woman feel so happy with another person,” she crossed her arms. 

Jisoo rolled her eyes, reading Chaeyoung’s expression, answering her silent question, “When we kissed that night, it wasn’t a simple peck or two, like.. We practically made out for a while , but you fell asleep after some time and I..” 

Chaeyoung blinked, watching Jisoo’s cheeks burn and unable to meet her eyes. Jisoo crossed and uncrossed her legs for a bit of time before fidgeting with her hands. 

Why was she all of a sudden shy? Is it that bad or something? 

She leaned closer to Jisoo, offering a small smile as she placed her hand on top of hers, “It’s fine if you don’t wanna share..” 

“No.. No, it’s just.. embarrassing,” Jisoo looked away. 

Chaeyoung exhales through her nose instead of laughing, leaning closer, her smile growing wider. “Aww, it’s okay Chu..” The nickname slipped out easily, a type of tone that’s second nature to her whenever Jisoo would feel scared or nervous. 

Jisoo’s shoulders relaxed, but refused to face Chaeyoung even as she spoke. 

“I may not or may have wanted us in a different scenario? One where we weren’t inside a VIP room in a random club on some couch, that we were on a giant comfy bed, and I just woke up just to see the sunrise..” 

Chaeyoung stroked her thumb against Jisoo’s hands, her heart melting from listening to Jisoo’s fantasy. 

“That I’d struggle to get up in the morning, but just stop to see your peaceful sleeping face..” she slowly turns toward Chaeyoung, smiling. “I probably would give a kiss on your forehead then snuggle more into your chest, then you’d pull me closer in your sleep, and I’d fall asleep again.. The thought actually made me feel at peace, so I fell asleep on top of you thinking about it.” 

Chaeyoung sucked in a breath, her heart squeezed at her words, she wanted that peace for Jisoo; her idea was a dream come true as her heart welcomed it. She let out a shaky breath, feeling herself thrum in a mix of emotions, as she jumped and reached out for every good one. Her heart grows from each bit of love, hope, and longing want and the need for owning Jisoo’s heart. 

Though, there was that stab of fear that made it bleed, despite how much love Chaeyoung had for the girl, she needed some doubts cleared. 

“Do.. Do you regret it..?” 

“Absolutely not..” 

Chaeyoung let out a breath, her chest closing in on itself in a mixture of a pained pull toward Jisoo and a squeeze of relief from her denial. 

“But, there is one thing I do regret.. Continuing that relationship,” Jisoo said. 

She pulled her hand from underneath Chaeyoung’s, and put her ring on display, “At first it wasn’t so bad..? I was used to being with the guy, so I couldn’t really say much.. I think..” 

Jisoo glanced at her, “But then something changed.. I dreamed of you one night, and the next morning, everything was off-balanced and continued to be like that for the rest of the year..” 

She looked at her ring, bittersweet smiles from Jisoo were a familiar sight for the object if it could see. 

“Instead of happiness, comfort, and that feeling of someone being there.. All of it disappeared. I continued wearing this though. At first, I saw it as my love, but, despite knowing it was never there, I still view it as that..” 

Jisoo looked at her. 

“It's like..” she chuckled, “my own delusion staring right back at me, you know? Well, of course you don't.” 

“What do you mean.. delusion?” 

“Delusion.. delusion of thinking I was in love with that man, since I was supposed to. But, in the end, it’s my fault..” Jisoo mumbled. 

She sighed, hissing out a noise, and slowly removed the wedding ring, gently placing it between them on the counter. Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow, confused why Jisoo had the ring on, until now. They divorced last week. 

“So you kept wearing it..?” Portraying her voice as a wolf in sheep's clothing, words posed as an innocent question, though the shakiness and broken rasp revealed her swirl of insecurity and worry. 

Jisoo shrugged, “I wanted you to see.” 

Chaeyoung stared blankly at her, eyes drifting down to the ring that has now dulled down from its once shiny silver and to just a piece of metal, pathetically losing the shine as soon as it hit the counter. 

She thought about it a bit more. 

Only two words kept repeating in her head. 

Second chance. 

“Plus, I found out it was a form of my projection.. Chaeyoung..” 

She stared into Jisoo’s eyes. 

“I hate you.” 

Chaeyoung froze, a wall of ice piercing into her body. Those words made her shiver, locking her in place once they buried themselves in her bones. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but her throat closed up. 

“I hate you for convincing me to go after him, dragged away from you, and wasting five years.. Wondering..” Jisoo looked off into space. 

“Just wondering what was this gaping hole that ate me away, making me think. Why is this happening? Shouldn’t I be happy? Love for a husband doesn’t make you yearn for this person-shaped hole in my heart, never knowing who it was...” 

“I’m sorry..” Chaeyoung croaked out, tears threatening her eyes, but Jisoo quickly turned to meet hers. 

“Oh don’t be… You couldn’t have known, like I said, it’s my fault.”

Jisoo chuckled, “In that case, I should be hating myself and not you.” 

It didn’t ease the sting taunting Chaeyoung’s heart. Instead, it worsens. How could Jisoo be blaming herself for her actions. She was the one who let her go. 

“Chu..” she held Jisoo’s hand. “It’s not your fault.. It’s mine..” 

Jisoo didn’t look up at her. 

Chaeyoung needed to let her know. It was the wrong choice, a piece of her life ending in regret, thus throwing Chaeyoung down that well of darkness, and thinking she didn't have a chance. She can’t let her go again. History won’t repeat because of her stupidity.

But then, Jisoo laughed, “God, this is one of the things I love about you..” she ran a hand through her hair. 

“You always find some way to be so compassionate for me.. It’s clearly mine Chaengie, you don’t have to take the blame.” 

“But I do!” Chaeyoung exclaimed.

Jisoo flinched, looking back at her. 

“..Jisoo..” her head hung low, “I introduced him to you, pushed you two to become a couple, then you guys started dating. And.. and.. you've always voiced concerns about it, but I couldn't see past my own self-destruction and continued to comfort you all the way to the marriage..”

“..That’s..” Jisoo swallowed hard, “that’s just you being a good friend. You were always there, Chaeyoung… For me ..”

A silence laid over them, looming and clashing against their thoughts, as the two were squirming, itching to break the thick tension lingering behind Jisoo’s words. 

Instead, Jisoo, desperate to get rid of whatever was happening, choking on the dense air on, she took her untouched shots of absinthe, downing them one after the other as she felt her throat burning. A gasp came from Chaeyoung, and she jumped out of her seat. Jisoo lifted a brow, staring at her weirdly. 

“Jisoo.. Do you know the effects of that drink?!” Chaeyoung yelled, worried to the max, eyes wide as they flickered back and forth on Jisoo and her empty shot glasses. 

She nodded, “It gets you drunk fast?” Jisoo said slowly. 

Chaeyoung groans, covering her eyes with her hands. “Yes.. but you’re supposed to sip it slowly instead of chugging it because of how strong it is..”

Jisoo widened her eyes a bit, letting a small, oh, escape her lips. Immediately, Chaeyoung got out her wallet and paid for their drinks, slamming the money on the counter, before turning to Jisoo. 

“We’re going now..” she said sternly, and Jisoo could only nod. 

Chaeyoung pulled her out of her chair, forcing her out of the bar with her arm wrapped around Jisoo’s waist, keeping the girl close and safe with her. She needed to get them home as quick as possible. It didn’t take long before she put Jisoo in her passenger seat, taking care of her seatbelt for her as well. 

“I can put this on by myself, I’m not.. not a baby..” Jisoo said, words slurred as she gestured to the seatbelt. 

“You’re tipsy right now and will get drunk very soon, and plus, you ever hear about how babies are like drunk adults? Therefore, you are a baby, I’m babying you tonight..” 

“Baby, I’m baby!” Jisoo giggled, turning her head away sluggishly as her body tingled with a weird feeling. 

Chaeyoung playfully rolled her eyes as she got in the driver seat. She pulled out her phone, and called some local restaurant that served the best pasta, in her opinion, actually no, it's a fact. Driving out of the parking lot with a loud, drunk Jisoo blasting her radio and singing along to whatever. She didn't know when Jisoo learned the art of running through Spanish lyrics by mixing Korean and gibberish, but it surely was a moment. 

“That’ll be all, please, and how long will this take?” Chaeyoung spoke into her phone, “Twenty minutes? Oka– Wait, twenty minutes?!” she exclaimed. 

She looked over at Jisoo. Surely, the alcohol would hit Jisoo hard by then. Chaeyoung didn’t acknowledge herself speeding at yellow lights and taking shortcuts, just to get Jisoo to food and water as fast as possible. 

What normally would have been a ten-minute drive, turned into five as she pulled up to her driveway. Chaeyoung put the car in park, ignoring the dejected noises and boos from Jisoo. 

Smiling and unbuckling them both, Chaeyoung got out and forced Jisoo to lean on her as she got out of the car. Taking care of a drunk Jisoo included a bunch of babbles of nonsense Chaeyoung kept nodding and humming to, terrible balance where you'd think Jisoo had two left feet, and warmth from her closeness. 

She luckily got both of them inside her house without any injuries or harsh bumps, as Jisoo clung onto Chaeyoung and had her eyes closed. Chaeyoung brought her upstairs and inside her room, and Jisoo laughed. 

“I didn’t know we were going this fast.” Jisoo joked. 

“We’re not doing anything,” she retorted as she rolled her eyes and scoffed. She got Jisoo on her bed, forcing her on her side, before bringing pillows against her backside. 

“My dress is too itchy, Chaengiee!” Jisoo started hitting her pillow and sheets. 

Chaeyoung widened her eyes at her volume, trying to keep it together and stay calm. “You’ll.. You’ll be fine Chu, okay?” 

Jisoo groaned, “Why do you always have to be so.. you ..” she said. 

Chaeyoung sat down on the corner of her bed, letting Jisoo talk as she removed the girl’s heels. 

“It makes me feel.. stupid..” Jisoo’s words slurred, “makes me feel stupid for not realizing I love you..” 

Chaeyoung’s brain froze. 

Jisoo sniffed, tears forming as she opened her eyes, “I’m sorry..” 

“Not again Chu.. it really isn’t your fault,” Chaeyoung said. She placed a hand on Jisoo’s shoulder, rubbing her. She felt terrible. 

Chaeyoung stared down at her crying friend, she needed to scoop her up in her arms. To make Jisoo feel safe, rid her of any guilt, that none of this was her fault, but Chaeyoung's. Her fear of losing her as a friend eventually drifted and widened the gap of them being together. 

Then something cracked inside when she heard Jisoo sob harder. She immediately sat Jisoo up and hugged her tightly, rocking the woman back and forth as she kept whispering reassurances in Jisoo’s ears. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry..” Jisoo repeated, continuing to soak Chaeyoung’s shirt, her body jerking with each sob and hands gripping at her waist. 

Chaeyoung's heart ached with every hiccup, tear, and sniffle that came from Jisoo. It was painful. No matter how much she hugged Jisoo, she wouldn't be able to take her sadness away, unless Jisoo believed it wasn't her fault. A drunk Jisoo was an emotional one, maybe her thoughts would get straightened up in the morning. 

She thinks around another twenty minutes had passed when her doorbell rang. Jisoo whined. It slightly surprised Chaeyoung as she thought the girl fell asleep, though she tried getting up but Jisoo groaned and kept her down. 

“Jisoo? …I’ll be back, it won’t take long,” Chaeyoung gently said against her hair. 

Jisoo looked up at her with a pout, rapidly blinking, yet Chaeyoung was able to tell she was unconvinced. 

“You could come with me then?” 

She shook her head, and rolled off Chaeyoung, allowing the blonde to escape. 

Throwing one last smile toward Jisoo, she got up and left the room. Chaeyoung later returned with a bag of food and a water bottle. She set them down on her night stand, and shook Jisoo’s arm. 

“Jisooo, come on.. I have food.. It’s pasta, your favorite..” Chaeyoung squinted her eyes at herself, “Your second favorite, don’t you wanna eat?” She poked at Jisoo’s stomach, a groan rumbling from the red head but with a nod. 

Chaeyoung sat Jisoo up once more, “Come on, I heard pasta is good for hangovers..” 

She held up a plastic fork with said food to Jisoo’s lips. Jisoo barely had her eyes open, but she scowled and laid back down, pulling away from the fork and digging into the pillow. Chaeyoung frowned, worried about the girl. 

She didn’t do a lot of drinking herself, but can’t say the same for Jennie, Lisa, or Nayeon. Those three are the heaviest drinkers she’s ever met, so she’s mostly the one taking care of them while relying on the internet on how to take care of someone’s hangover and a drunk friend. 

Chaeyoung doesn't remember much about absinthe, except how to properly drink it, so it scared her when Jisoo took them straight. Jisoo barely drinks, and it’s never to the point of getting drunk. This was going to be one nasty hangover. 

“Jisoo, just take a couple of bites, I know you can’t go to sleep hungry..” she took a bite of the pasta before sitting Jisoo up again. 

“Just eat a bit, drink some water, then do three more things for me.. Think you can do that?” Chaeyoung stroked Jisoo’s hair, and watched her nod slowly. 

With multiple bites and a nice drink of water, Chaeyoung tried to make her walk without falling or bumping into the wall. It took several minutes, but Jisoo did it. She got her to talk properly after more time passed. Jisoo started off with groans, mumbles, and nods, so Chaeyoung didn't allow her to sleep yet. 

Later on, Chaeyoung got her to answer some questions. Where they were, full name, how many siblings she had, and when’s her birthday. Another half hour passes with a drunk Jisoo in her possession, Chaeyoung's worries could calm for now as Jisoo seemed sober enough. 

An exhausted sigh escaped Chaeyoung as she stared at Jisoo, now irritated and extremely sleepy, and she gave a nod. Jisoo got under the covers and fell asleep within seconds. 

She checked the time, it was past two in the morning, and it was this time that she remembered some meeting at around seven a.m. Though, Chaeyoung couldn’t care less about it, not when Jisoo needs her right now. She sent a few texts and cancelled the meeting. Jisoo is more important. 

Despite the two hours of sleep she got, an all-nighter was in her future, to make sure Jisoo hadn’t gotten too drunk to where she’d stop breathing in her sleep. Chaeyoung opened the curtains to allow some moonlight into the room and shine on Jisoo’s face. 

She walked over to her mirror and desk, counter scattered with makeup products, and scanned for makeup remover wipes. Chaeyoung grabbed them and walked over to Jisoo, wiping her face with the wipes, removing earrings and jewelry, then grabbed a ponytail before tying Jisoo’s hair up. 

She gulped, eyes wide for a moment before she shook her head, grabbing a spare shirt and pants. The next step took her a while as Chaeyoung struggled to change Jisoo out of the dress with her eyes closed. 

After she was done, she collapsed on the bed, next to Jisoo, almost letting herself sleep as she remembered. Chaeyoung sighed. It was going to take a lot of effort just to keep watch on Jisoo throughout the night, checking on the girl every ten minutes. 

Now, it seemed cruel, but for Chaeyoung’s worried self and based on a website’s tips on taking care of a drunk friend, for the first hour, she had to wake up Jisoo for signs of life often. She may be overreacting or doing too much, but she couldn’t care right now. 

Chaeyoung rolled Jisoo over to her side again, wedging a pillow behind her back and another in front of her. Jisoo immediately cuddled into it. A tired smile tugged at Chaeyoung's lips before she left the room, coming back with a bucket and placing it on the floor near Jisoo. 

For the rest of the night, she often checked that Jisoo kept on her side and that her breathing was fine. It was a lot, but whatever it took to keep Jisoo safe. 

—— {    ☆  ･   ﾟ     ✧    🪐  ｡   ･   ･   ﾟ   ☆   } ——  

Jisoo was ripped out of her dream, though still trapped under darkness. She clenched her eyes further as she moved around this comfy cloud or whatever was under her. A sigh heavy with sleep left Jisoo, wanting to snuggle more into the softness. 

Although, a pounding headache forced her to open her eyes, and flinch away as sunlight hit her eyes. Jisoo hissed and groaned for the millionth time, she turned away, now, she noticed this was a familiar place and bed. 

She stared up for a moment, watching the still bumps on the ceiling stare back at her before they seemed to move ever so slightly. Then, it started to spin.. and spin.. and spin. 

Jisoo’s stomach churned as it felt hot, and suddenly feeling the urge to throw up, she shot out of bed, spotting a bucket nearby quickly and vomiting her stomach’s contents in it. 

A pair of hands brushed by her back and up to her hair, holding it back, and Jisoo took a quick glance over at Chaeyoung by her side. After several more minutes of dry heaving and even more vomiting, Jisoo flopped back into the bed, groaning at the disgusting taste in her mouth and throat, and the burning pit settling in her chest. 

She closed her eyes, letting out a few coughs, “I’m never drinking again..” she said. 

Chaeyoung chuckled a bit, hitting the side of Jisoo’s face with a cold object. The latter opened her eyes to see a bottle of water against her cheek and Advil in Chaeyoung’s other hand. 

Jisoo stared at Chaeyoung, feeling her cheeks heat up as she down the water and pills. 

Oh, Chaeyoung’s an angel. 

“Thanks..” her raspy voice made Chaeyoung shake her head a bit, but smile at her. 

“It’s no problem..” 

Jisoo furrowed her brows, watching her face. Her eyes looked heavy, and her body screamed that she was tired. Did she even sleep? Why the hell not? 

“Did you sleep?” she asked. 

Chaeyoung shook her head, and despite Jisoo’s protests and worries, she walked out of the room, mentioning something about making breakfast for her. 

Jisoo stared at the door as Chaeyoung left, huffing out frustration, she pursed her lips. Forcing herself out of the cloud-like bed, she headed out of the room smelling like puke. She made another face. Disgusting. 

Jisoo walked in the bathroom, she took in the new clothes, removed makeup, and hair. A slight smile tugged at her mouth before she washed her face and took an extra toothbrush. 

Slowly, she exited the bathroom, following the sounds of Chaeyoung cooking, as she held onto the hem of her shirt. Jisoo held the collar for a moment before bringing it up to her nose. 

Peaches and cinnamon, of course it smelled like Chaeyoung. The scent gave her a grounding feeling. A feeling that finally gave her true comfort, one she wanted to wrap herself around, and sleep in forever as her heart beat madly. 

Jisoo felt it. Though, this has always been with her. 

She gripped the shirt again, and closed her eyes. Gulping, somehow thinking that would calm the quicken pulse of hers and punch it down. Tingles and sparks evoked the nerves in her hands, all over her body and up to her heart. There was a bubble tightening in her stomach, ready to be popped as soon as Jisoo admitted it to herself. A warm, desperate pull from her heart, reaching for someone that she didn't wanna call her best friend anymore. 

Those words hurt. 

Jisoo thinks those words were stabbing her heart with tiny daggers, making her slowly bleed, never realizing it until she woke up one day. 

She entered the kitchen, Chaeyoung turned to look at her, and Jisoo knows it's the time to heal her wounded heart. 

Chaeyoung grabbed a plate, fried egg over avocado toast with crunchy sliced red bell peppers on the side, Jisoo raised a brow as she marched to her. She forced Jisoo back into her bedroom, further confusing her. 

“I just want you to eat in bed, relax, and possibly sleep again if you want..” Chaeyoung explained. 

Jisoo rolled her eyes, laying back on the bed, “I thought you didn’t like avocados, what happened to said hatred to the fruit?” 

“Avocados are my friends for now,” Chaeyoung brought the toast to Jisoo’s mouth, “because they help you.” 

She let Chaeyoung feed her like a child for a while until the plate was clean. Chaeyoung set it on her nightstand. 

“Get some rest and there’s water near if you ever need it..” she said, getting off the bed and preparing to sleep in her guest room. 

“Woah–” Jisoo pulled her back in, forcing Chaeyoung to relax. 

She crawled on top of Chaeyoung, the blonde letting her do whatever as Jisoo rested on top of her chest. Jisoo wrapped her arms and legs around her, feeling warmth entrap her from the inside out. A comfortable pace her heart set, letting it beat in her ears and at each tug of her lips, now turning into a content smile as she closed her eyes. 

Chaeyoung looked at Jisoo’s hair then at her position, a slight smirk on Chaeyoung before she threw her arms around Jisoo. 

“Jisoo?” 

“Hm?” 

“..Is this all we do in your bachelorette fantasy?” she teased. 

Jisoo made a noise, stuttering before she sighs, “It’s stupid,” she mumbled. 

Chaeyoung rubbed Jisoo’s arms to encourage her. A lot has happened this morning and last night, she’s sure nothing at this point could be really embarrassing, especially after what drunk Jisoo has admitted. 

“I.. You’d.. you’d stroke my hair and call me– …Now that’s embarrassing.” 

“What? No.. what do I call you?” Chaeyoung started stroking her hair. 

Jisoo answered but it came out muffled against her shirt. 

“One more time..” 

She groaned, “Honey, love, or whatever, you call me anything that makes me feel good!” Jisoo lifted her head to meet Chaeyoung’s eyes.

Chaeyoung couldn’t help but laugh because of how cute this was coming from Jisoo, despite the angry look on her face. She couldn’t take it seriously. Though, Jisoo huffed, annoyed at her reaction and tried wiggling out of her arms, but Chaeyoung wouldn’t allow that. 

She tightens her grip, and brings Jisoo closer, “Jichuu..” Chaeyoung brushed a strand of hair behind Jisoo’s reddening ear. “I promise you, it’s all cute, don’t think I’m laughing because it’s embarrassing.. I’m laughing cause it’s cute.. You’re cute.” Chaeyoung said, smiling. 

Jisoo hid her face in Chaeyoung’s neck, groaning, which earned another laugh from Chaeyoung. 

As Chaeyoung's laugh died down, they slipped into effortless conversations, consisting of an airy feeling of just them being together. There wasn't a specific word, nor movement, that made Jisoo notice the change between them. Maybe it was how Chaeyoung threw her head back whenever she laughed, or how intently she listened to every word that came out of Jisoo's mouth. 

Their talks came shorter, down to a couple of words, silence stretching in between them as they basked in the vibrations of their voices in memory, and only hearing the breathing of each other. 

Chaeyoung’s longing stares became more noticeable, no words distracting her from them, and now, the intensity behind them made Jisoo blush. 

A spark lit off a chain reaction in Chaeyoung’s chest as she watched Jisoo lean in. Their hearts thrummed against each other, humming a melody with a soft need to keep close. Every part of Chaeyoung played along with the melody as her soul, heart, and mind, connected to create this song. 

A song only Jisoo could hear, and Chaeyoung needed her to hear the love she's kept to herself for her whole life. 

Her eyes traveled down to Jisoo's lips, she felt Jisoo exhale as she hovered above her mouth. Anticipation shaking in her breaths, now slightly irregular, as Jisoo slowly closed her eyes. 

Chaeyoung should, shouldn't she? It was only now she remembered they hadn’t talked about her letter. 

She sighed, definitely knowing she was going to kick herself in the gut later on, but Chaeyoung looked away, just for Jisoo’s lips to meet her cheek and jaw. 

Jisoo's face fell, obviously she was confused, but also hurt and disappointed. Somewhere deep inside, Chaeyoung felt a bit wrong to kiss her like this because of an invisible piece of herself missing. She just needs to do something first, and it wasn’t her needing to sleep. 

Jisoo scoffed, rolling her eyes, but made no attempt to get out of Chaeyoung’s arms as she rested on her again. 

Several minutes of silence beat through, and when Chaeyoung was on the brink of sleep, Jisoo asked a question. 

“..Why did you push me to that guy?” 

“Because…” Chaeyoung cleared her throat, “I’ll tell you after I sleep.. okay?”

There was a long pause. 

“..Okay.. I’m only letting this go cause’ you pulled an all-nighter for me..” Jisoo’s voice drifted away, the girl already closing her eyes. 

“Okay,” Chaeyoung repeated. 

It didn’t take long for her to sleep, especially with the extra blanket of warmth that instantly brought her comfort, and she practically slept like a baby. 

—— {    ☆  ･   ﾟ    ✧     🪐  ｡   ･   ･   ﾟ   ☆   } ——

Chaeyoung, surprisingly, woke up first. She expected to be blinded from the afternoon, but the curtains were closed, she doesn't remember closing them. That barely matters, though what does matter is the angel sleeping on her. 

She slowly sat up on her elbows, looking down at Jisoo's peaceful face. Smiling, Chaeyoung brushes several strands of hair away from her face. Jisoo must have taken out her ponytail after she slept. Chaeyoung started caressing red waves of hair, until Jisoo stirred around, and she stopped. 

Jisoo made some noises before she pulled herself off Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung widened her eyes for a bit before closing them, pretending to be asleep and fighting off another smile. She could feel Jisoo moving around a little, Jisoo was hovering her face overs hers, Jisoo's breath was tickling her. 

“Hm,” Jisoo hummed. 

Chaeyoung turned her head to the side to hide the way her lips twitched up. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

Chaeyoung’s eyes shot open. No way she was asking her this.

“..Wha..?” She stared at her in shock, meanwhile Jisoo wore a smirk, a victorious look in her eyes.

She gave Chaeyoung a once-over, silently asking for an answer. Chaeyoung felt her heart pound in her ears, she avoided Jisoo’s eyes as she nodded. 

Oh my god, what did she just agree to? 

Before Chaeyoung could realize what the hell she did, Jisoo was already leaning in. 

Her lips brushed Chaeyoung's, shooting down jolts of electricity all throughout her nerves, fueling Chaeyoung in a beaming yearn for this girl. Chaeyoung shivered, closing her eyes on instinct, barely ready for this. 

But, it never came.

She opened her eyes, then swallowed as her throat went dry. 

Jisoo stared down at Chaeyoung, glaring almost. A dark look fitting the girl, a deep and prolonged eye contact from her which made Chaeyoung squirm a bit, but strangely get some confidence of her own. 

Jisoo ran her hands through Chaeyoung's hair, pulling her head back and further pushing their lips together, but not yet fully kissing. The way she gripped at her hair, it was like Jisoo could barely contain herself. 

Both of them teasing each other, provoking with a simple brush on their arm just to see who'd crack first. 

Chaeyoung grew hot as the fluttery sensations were exploding her heart, goosebumps running across, with a sudden flush of warmth. She didn't expect a bolt of this melting, euphoric feel to all go down from Jisoo pressing her knee in between her legs. 

Something switched inside Chaeyoung, and she broke. 

Whimpering out a, “Fuck this..” before she closed the almost nonexistence space between them, and pressed their lips together. 

A satisfied hum escaped Chaeyoung, coming out muffled, buzzing Jisoo’s lips that set off a ripple effect of excitement straight to her chest. 

They moved against each other with a purpose, intoxicated on the other's softness and the taste of their lips. It charged them to the max with every smack and heavy breaths mixing in the thick, hot air. 

Chaeyoung has craved Jisoo's lips for years, longer than a decade. An old love that never went away, her love pouring out through kisses, a caress on Jisoo's arm, or grabbing her neck to deepen it. She hasn't had a sip of alcohol, but she was drunk off Jisoo's taste, addicted, hungry.

Their hands grabbing for the other for any type of contact, needing to keep the heat between them, to contain it within this very moment. 

Jisoo was in complete bliss with such a gorgeous woman's lips against hers. She melted under Chaeyoung's touch. Completely lost in her. Pressing herself into Chaeyoung to consume more and more.

The burning in their lungs got to be too much, but Chaeyoung didn't want to pull away, she couldn't. She needed to engrave how hard of a kisser Jisoo was, and how drowned she was in the feeling. But, Jisoo still pulled back for a second, causing Chaeyoung to huff in a quick breath, only to be chasing her lips again. 

Chaeyoung grabbed Jisoo's waist, flipping them over, earning a slight whine from her. She placed her hands next to Jisoo’s head, as she clenched her thighs and held back a whine of her own. 

Oh, fuck. 

She pulled back, watching the string of saliva connect their lips before it broke. Jisoo looked up at her, blinking rapidly to focus on something to regain her lost sanity. 

Chaeyoung was tempted to dive right back in, and completely ravage because of how Jisoo looked. 

Jisoo had her head turned to the side, an almost shy look to her hooded eyes as she covered her mouth with a hand. Long red hair flowed beneath her like she was a goddess, the sun making Jisoo shine even brighter than usual, and Chaeyoung loved it. She loves everything about Jisoo and will continue to do so. 

She’s complete with her. 

Chaeyoung leaned in, pressing another kiss against Jisoo, though this was sensual and slow. She brought a hand to Jisoo's cheek, trying to flow every ounce of emotion into her. 

She knows she was in love, but Chaeyoung was truly just.. forever molded in this love; a love so deep it formed and morphed into its own type. It was boiling, cemented within her soul, and screaming for a connection that reached to Jisoo. 

Love has made Chaeyoung feel like she was on top of the world. It's made her want to be a better person for herself. Gaining Jisoo's heart was an honor only one could hold, a worship Jisoo could only deem one worthy of. In the past and to now, Chaeyoung has always hoped for it to be her. 

Though, love has also hurt. It's brought her down, broke her, chained her up to an uncontrollable force she never asked for, and made her submit to this feeling called love. 

The pain trapped her in an endless cycle. There were different nights with the same dream of Jisoo smiling at Chaeyoung, but changed into nightmares when her love looked to be unrequited. To further drive in the pain, those nightmares came true, of course. As if she’s addicted to the pain, seeing the reality come reaping in sought to permanently damage her heart. 

It almost did, but she couldn’t allow heartbreak to dictate how she lived life. 

Chaeyoung pulled back, breathing heavily as she stared into two wonderful swirls of brown in Jisoo’s eyes. She brushed away a few of Jisoo’s strands that were sticking to her forehead, just staring down at her. 

She swallowed and looked off to the side for a second, looking back to shoot a small smile, and flop down next to Jisoo. 

Jisoo seemed to be in deep thought, her eyes not even following Chaeyoung’s movements, as she focused on regulating her breathing. Despite the hammering in her chest, the feeling echoing in her ears, she took her time and calmed down. Jisoo closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath before opening them again.

She looked over at Chaeyoung, the blonde already staring back. Jisoo grinned at the sight, earning another smile back. 

“Hi..” she said.

Chaeyoung smiled. 

“Hi there.” 

Jisoo smiled back, her gleefulness was contagious as it made them back from brighter. 

Quietly, they stared at each other, taking in one’s details and committing it into a core memory. Words weren’t needed at the moment. With the warm air, soft sheets, Chaeyoung and Jisoo swimming in one’s presence. 

But, there were a couple of more questions dangling in front of Chaeyoung’s conscious. 

“So..” she took in a small breath, “what does this make us?” She whispered, afraid to break the comfortable space. 

Jisoo hummed lowly, thinking as she darted her eyes around the room. “I’d like to say future fiancées.. aka girlfriends, if that’s fine with you?” 

Chaeyoung immediately nods, unable to hide her eagerness. A life of loving from afar became exhausting, but now it seems a bit more worth it. She has Jisoo in the end after all. 

Jisoo scooted over into her arms. She sighed contently, her breath tickling Chaeyoung’s collarbone. 

“I’m sorry for not being brave enough in high school, and these past several years,” Chaeyoung said. 

“What are you sorry for?”

“..We would have been together longer? And our love lives could have been easier..” 

Jisoo breathed out a laugh, “Yeah maybe.. but that doesn’t matter now Chaeyoung.” 

She looked up at her, “I don’t really care all that much because, what matters is that we’re together now. Even when we were just friends, we were still together, right?” 

Chaeyoung nodded, taking in her words. 

“And I’m brave enough now,” she said, “I know how we both feel, but when you said it, you were drunk, so I didn’t really say much back.. But Jisoo, I really love you.. I have.. for a while now, though we both know that…” 

Chaeyoung let out a breath. 

Fucking finally. 

She feels light. An illusioned permanent regret turning temporary. The weight lifting from a tight soul, harmed from holding back feelings for too long. 

Jisoo silently moved back, and gave Chaeyoung a small peck. 

“I love you too, and I’m so glad you still love me back..” she whispered against her lips. She settled back underneath Chaeyoung’s chin, sighing blissfully. 

“Looking back.. I’m actually happy that I always ended up in your arms,” Jisoo said. “I’m fine with everything so far… are you?” 

“Jisoo.. I’ve been wishing about being yours for a while now.. It used to be just a fantasy, like a lullaby that sent me to sleep peacefully each night, but.. it’s no longer a dream.” 

Chaeyoung closed her eyes, holding Jisoo tighter. 

“You in my arms.. it's a gift,” Chaeyoung smiled, “this will be our life from now on. So, yeah, I'm fine with it.. We'll be fine..” 

Slowly drifting away, the two held each other as they felt love radiating from the other. Hearts full of happiness, soaring with white wings of love, and finally sharing a day like this together. 

They’ll be fine, both Chaeyoung and Jisoo will make sure of it. They can’t let go of each other now, not later or ever. Forever tied with an invisible string wrapped around their fingers and hearts because, that’s what their love is. 

Something that lasts eternally, and that’s how Chaeyoung and Jisoo will live. Just loving forever.