Chapter Text
Kaveh stormed out of the house slamming the door behind him, without looking back. He felt tears burning at the corners of his eyes, but he refused to cry. He was done getting heartbroken for a man whose heart probably didn’t exist at all. Deep down he knew those words to be wrong, but right now his awareness was buried behind walls of anger and hurt, and he couldn’t seem to care (he cared too much). He didn’t want Alhaitham’s apologies, nor he did need them (he missed his voice). He knew he was right this time, and he was not going back (he was starting to regret his words).
They had a fight over… what was it again? It probably had to do with chores and responsibilities, at the start. It was never really about that. Then it shifted to Alhaitham throwing harsh words about Kaveh not pulling his weight, and Kaveh complaining about the other’s lack of sensitiveness and feelings.
«You have to stop getting carried away by your emotions» I care about your well being.
«At least I'm not a robot without empathy» I wish you could show me you care.
«Mmh. And what exactly did empathy make you accomplish?» I wish you saw what I see.
Just thinking about their exchange made his blood boil and his heart sink. Kaveh was sure arguments and fights were the only way for them to communicate at this point. He wished it wasn’t like that. There were moments where Kaveh’s heart skipped a beat when they were closer than usual, and instants where Alhaitham’s eyes were softer when he thought Kaveh wasn’t looking (but he was always looking, looking right at him). But then the spell was broken, and they hurt each other all over again. Kaveh wished they could be as close as they were before, at the Akademiya, when everything seemed to sparkle with the joy of finally finding someone who understood him better than Kaveh knew himself. Maybe he was the only one feeling like that.
At the tavern, everything was somehow worse. It was the usual setting, loud voices intertwining with cheers and noises, the alcohol burning down his pain and regret. Blatant laughs and fake smiles, he talked with everyone and still no one he would remember the morning after, when he would wake up in his familiar bed of his home. Home. Because after all, he knew Alhaitham was always the one to pick him up and help him get safely to what it had become their shared house. At that thought, Kaveh sighed and got up. Maybe he was ready to apologize, after all. He complained all night about his roommate, but he was starting to miss him. Ah, he really was a fool, wasn’t he?
He started walked towards the direction he was too familiar with. He was a bit unsteady on his feet, but that night he didn’t drank so much that he couldn’t even stand up. “Stupid Haitham, sometimes I really wish I didn’t care at all” he muttered to himself. But was it true? Maybe, maybe not. He just wanted to stop overthinking for that night. Kaveh was already tired and gloomy when he found himself before a dead end. He was alone on the street. Soon, a blue fog started to fill the air around him, making him feel dizzy and drowsy, his mind and body becoming heavy. Maybe he drank more than he thought. Were there… blue butterflies? He tried to get back on the right track, but he couldn’t move. What was happening? He close his eyes for what he thought to be a second, but when he regained consciousness he only saw stone walls of what appeared to be a cave. He didn’t have time to think about where he was or what happened, because his mind went black in a second. The only thing he saw before closing his eyes again was an ethereal blue creature getting close to him. His only thought before falling asleep was the disappointed gaze of Alhaitham piercing his soul.
-
Alhaitham was worried. He was mad, too, but he cared too much about Kaveh to leave him alone to himself. He wasn’t that heartless as the other man thought he was. Sure, he would choose a book over people in most cases, and he would rather be alone than bear social interactions in the same way. But not with Kaveh, never with Kaveh. He was the only exception since he met him. He turned his world around, changed his pace, and the frightening thing for him was that he didn’t mind at all. Not if it was Kaveh. Alhaitham knew he couldn’t say that out loud. For all the languages he mastered and the words he knew, he could never find the right ones to express his feelings. For all thing he wanted to do, he could never find the courage or timing to make a move in the right direction. He wanted to show Kaveh he wasn’t alone, he was cared for, as long as he breathed, but they always ended up hurting each other.
He sighed. He had more pressing matters right now. He wanted to bring Kaveh home and apologize (like he always did, like Kaveh always forgot in the morning) but he couldn’t find him anywhere. He wasn’t at the tavern, not anymore at least – other people had confirmed his presence earlier. Alhaitham had no idea where his roommate could be at this time of the night. Maybe he wandered around the city to think or to find a good place to rest, but it seemed too strange. When he ran out of options, he went to Tighnari. He asked him if he knew something about it, but he stared at him blankly, sharing the same worried look as Cyno that was spending the evening with him. Alhaitham was getting anxious at this point, and he was sure it showed on his face. He was pretty good at controlling his emotions, but this what a first for Kaveh and what if something happened? What if Kaveh was finally moving out, or hurt, or-
«Alhaitham» the forest watcher’s voice made him focus on reality again.
«I am sure he is alright» Cyno added.
«Yeah, of course he is» he smoothly replied, even if the two of them probably could tell that he was forcing the calm tone of his voice «But I want to find him»
«That is understandable. We’ll help you looking for him, thought it would be better in the morning»
«I don’t-»
«Alhaitham. You should go home, probably you’ll just wake up in the morning with Kaveh complaining about his headache» Tighanri’s words were final, but also gentle like always.
«Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, both of you»
With that, Alhaitham slowly went home, always keeping an eye out. He knew they were right, and he had nothing to worry about, but he had a bad feeling about this. He went inside. The house was silent, too silent without the noise of Kaveh working in the room next to his. It was almost funny, in a way. Alhaitham always complained about how loud Kaveh was, and then he missed his company everytime he wasn’t around. He wanted to laugh, or cry, or both. He tried to relax and let his tiredness overtake him. His only thought before falling asleep was Kaveh smiling at him like he never cried because of his words.