Chapter Text
taerae has felt empty ever since boys planet ended. ever since that moment when he hugged his fellow trainees for the last time, said goodbye to them, wished them all the best because he made it, and they didn’t.
he made it, and junhyeon didn’t.
junhyeon had whispered in his ear that he was proud of him – that he should do his best and appreciate every moment as a member of zerobaseone, that he’ll miss him, that he loves him, that he hopes taerae won’t forget him because he’ll never forget the moments they spent together.
taerae can’t escape the image of the pretty pearlescent tears that pooled in junhyeon’s eyes when they pulled away from the hug – the way a silver one fell down his cheek as he reminded him, yet again, that he loves him, that he’s proud of him.
that he’ll always be there for him.
taerae loves his members, don’t get him wrong. they’re balls of sunshine and he doesn’t want anything else in the world other than to debut with them. he loves them like they’re his brothers and trusts them with his life.
but he wants to debut with junhyeon. he just wants junhyeon, full stop. it doesn’t matter if they debut together or not, even; he just wants to be able to spend as much time as he wants with junhyeon and not have to worry about being caught, about being looked down upon, about running out of time.
kcon wasn’t the best experience.
it should have been – the first time performing as a group, the first time they got to meet their fans face-to-face. it was a brand-new experience and he should have found it amazing, but every single moment felt empty. there was always a little voice in the back of his saying, “what if junhyeon was here with you? what if he was the one holding your hand and guiding you through the mobs of people at the airport? what if he was the one singing next to you, smiling and shining like the star he could have been?”
taerae couldn’t focus the entire time. he put on a smile, danced and sang like he loves to do, but it wasn’t the same – it wasn’t right.
junhyeon’s song brings him comfort, though.
that beautiful song, with elegant vocals and bittersweet lyrics that make him think that junhyeon sang that for him. that those lyrics were written for him.
but junhyeon didn’t know him then. junhyeon didn’t write those lyrics.
either way, it brings taerae that odd sort of comfort that only comes very specifically. the sound of junhyeon’s voice, so emotional and soft, makes him feel safe. he probably shouldn’t be listening to that song so much, not when every time he hears that line, he tears up and can’t help but curl into himself to stop his heart from ripping itself out of his chest.
you can rest in my world
even after the night
forever if you want
junhyeon said that to him once, lying together in his bed in the crowded dorm that was planet camp, limbs tangled together and hearts beating in rhythm with one another’s. taerae hadn’t understood it then, but now he realises that junhyeon meant it from his heart – that that lyric, originally empty and simply for some kdrama taerae hadn’t watched (he’s watched it now solely for the reason that junhyeon’s ost is in it), was stored in junhyeon’s head, simmered in thought, and was told to taerae as more than just a lyric.
taerae wonders if junhyeon still sings that song occasionally. he wonders if he sings it with him in mind.
the title seems to fit, too. hello, stranger.
hello, taerae.
i’ve only just met you, but you’re already so sweet to me. let’s get along, okay?
hello, junhyeon.
we met an hour ago, but you already feel like more than just my best friend.
from strangers, to friends, to lovers, and back to strangers.
they haven’t talked since the finale. taerae either hasn’t had time with all his packed schedules all of a sudden, or gets too scared to when he opens their chat together and sees junhyeon’s last message: good luck, rae! don’t forget me ;)
how could i ever forget you, junhyeon?
he convinces himself that junhyeon hasn’t contacted him either because he’s busy too – filming those interviews and preparing for the fancon with the rest of the redstartz. he’s busy, yes, he’s busy.
not that he’s forgotten him. not that he just doesn’t care anymore. no.
taerae knows junhyeon would never forget him, not after all the things he told him, all the things he promised. right?
back from kcon, back in their new fancy dorm that’s significantly cleaner and more organised than his old dorm with the rest of the wakeonez, he simply buries himself under the duvet of his bed and listens to the song on loop until he falls asleep with tears staining his cheeks. he doesn’t have the luxury of his own room where he can cry freely, but gyuvin doesn’t mention anything, doesn’t pry into it because he knows taerae is going through something he doesn’t want to talk about. gyuvin just opts to bother yujin instead, hanging around in the room yujin shares with hao and leaving taerae to sink into the sweet notes flowing from his headphones and the tears on his face.
after a while, taerae realises that this is him drowning. that this loop of music, this ocean of tears, is clearly not good for him. he realises that as much as he loves his members and appreciates how they take care of him and include him, that he’s still alone.
the yuehuaz have each other, gunwook has gyuvin, matthew has jiwoong and hanbin, hanbin has hao and matthew, jiwoong has matthew... who does he have? jeonghyeon and hanbin were so close yet so far away, junhyeon left behind in the dust as well. he lost everyone, and now he’s left wallowing in his own tears and feeling bad for himself; feeling embarrassed that he’s suffering like this when he made it – he got the dream 98 people were all running towards and fell short of and he should feel happy but instead he’s fucking crying every day.
would junhyeon still love him like he claims to if he saw him like this? all broken and miserable while listening to a stupid song on loop and thinking what if, what if, what if?
eventually hanbin comes into his room, plump duck plush in his arms. he pats the bundle of blankets taerae is tangled in and slips the plushie in. “you should go outside, get some air.” he offers. taerae barely hears him over the music in his ears. “i don’t know what’s making you sad, but i want to help you. you can talk to me – i won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to, but i want you to know that i’m here for you; that all of us are here for you.”
when taerae doesn’t reply, hanbin sighs lightly, running his hand over what he assumes is taerae’s back inside the blankets. “just— just take a breather, okay? it’s stuffy in here, you’d benefit from some fresh air. and if you don’t want to talk to any of us, you can go to the wakeone building – i’m sure jeonghyeon or hanbin or one of them would be more than happy to see you and help you.”
taerae still doesn’t say a word, not trusting his mouth to make a proper sound when he’s barely holding back his sobs. hanbin simply pats his bed again, softly whispering something taerae doesn’t quite catch, and leaving the room.
as soon as the door closes, taerae pulls the plushie into his arms, clutching it so tightly it might burst at the seams from the pressure. he cries into the soft fabric, mind racing back to those nights when junhyeon told him he reminded him of a cute duck – that ducks symbolised unlikely love, just like what they had. that ducks represented happiness and laughter, and that taerae was his lucky duck because he brought him that happiness.
yujin had heard junhyeon calling him a duck one day and brought it upon himself to make that taerae’s representative animal. and whenever taerae sees ricky’s birthday present from their maknae standing proud in the living room, the little duck figure to represent him makes him feel like throwing up.
taerae falls asleep with his headphones falling off his head and the plushie pressed up against himself, just like how junhyeon would hug him on sleepless and stressful nights.
this loops for what feels like years; hanbin checking in on him (although he merely peeks his head into the room or sometimes brings him snacks and water), crying into the plushie, falling asleep at random times and sleeping for hours with the soft duck against his chest, cradled in his arms.
after maybe a week or so, gunwook enters. taerae senses him before he sees him – the shuffling of his feet a dead giveaway.
“hyung?” gunwook says carefully. “you haven’t gotten up in a while, do you want to go on a walk with me?”
taerae grumbles wordlessly, shifting underneath his duvet so his back is towards the door.
gunwook huffs out, and taerae hears him move around the room before he’s suddenly being flooded with light; gunwook opened the blinds.
“hey,” he complains instantly with a hoarse and groggy voice, turning to bury his head into the mattress underneath him.
“please get up,” gunwook says, and the bed beside taerae dips which he assumes is because gunwook sat down. “maybe take a shower, eat something, and we can go out. it’s a nice day – we’ll walk along the river.”
taerae doesn’t move, so after maybe a minute, gunwook pulls the duvet off of taerae’s body and pushes the headphones off of taerae’s head. “i’ll drag you outside myself if i have to.”
taerae knows gunwook isn’t lying. he looks up at the younger, squinting in the sunlight (he hasn’t seen much in a few weeks, due to him being cooped up in his dark room all day), and frowns at him.
“why?” he says, and cringes internally at the terrible state of his voice.
“because it’s not healthy. don’t be offended – i love you so much, but you look like a mess. when was the last time you showered?” gunwook says. taerae knows he looks like a mess, so he really isn’t offended at all.
taerae shrugs, burying his face back into the mattress. “i don’t remember.” he replies, words muffled, and gunwook sighs.
gunwook pulls at his arm, tugging him to a seated position. taerae feels like his muscles forgot how to work. “you’re taking a shower now, okay? then we’ll go walk along the river for a while. i’ll wait for you in here.”
taerae simply stares at him, headphones around his neck and plush in his lap.
gunwook stares back, clearly not putting up with taerae’s mood. “i’ll bathe you myself, if i have to.” he says, and it’s all it takes for taerae to stand up on shaky legs and trudge off to the bathroom.
gunwook throws some clean clothes in behind him – black loose jeans, a white shirt, and a green varsity jacket, along with clean underwear. “don’t take long.” he says. taerae replies with a weird sort of mumble.
taking a shower feels surprisingly refreshing, despite the fact he has to use a lot more energy than he would have originally wanted to. he won’t let gunwook know that though, because he’ll tease him that he was right the entire walk.
he can’t help but scrub himself down raw however, leaving his skin red and sore, dead skin rubbed off alongside the foamy soap on his loofah. it gives him an odd feeling of rebirth, for the lack of a better word. he feels like a new-born baby, starting off in a new world; and yet at the same time, he feels like this red-hot pain along his skin is deserved. more than the feeling of a snake shedding its old skin, he feels like he deserved to get rubbed down like this, feel this stinging pain that burns under the hot water. he feels like after the pitiful amount of time he spent wallowing in his own misery, he deserves this smack of reality – he deserves to feel a little bit of pain after not appreciating something so many would die for.
he won’t let gunwook know that, though.
he pulls his clothes on after pouring sweetly scented lotion all over himself, drying his hair and ignoring the protests from his scalp that he had scratched and rubbed with too much minty shampoo.
gunwook pulls him to the front door as soon as he’s out the bathroom, making both of them pull on the shoes while taerae tries to stuff his phone, headphones and plushie into a bag and put his glasses on at the same time.
gunwook hooks their arms together as they leave the apartment building, giddy smile on his face.
“what’s got you so happy?” taerae asks, regretting the bitter tone in his voice.
gunwook doesn’t seem to mind, or he just didn’t notice. “i got you to come outside.” he smiles. “we haven’t seen you out in weeks, so this is nice.”
taerae suddenly feels bad for ignoring his members – they were probably worried sick for him, but pushes it past him as they head to the riverside pathway. the wind is fresh and clean and taerae loves the way it pushes his freshly dried hair around – he forgot what it’s like to be outside, to not constantly be smelling your own bodily odours and more the lovely scents of nature.
the sounds of the river are soothing too, and as they walk along it, taerae enjoys taking in the relaxing noise that is the rushing of water. gunwook doesn’t say anything either, noticing how taerae’s posture straightens up as he takes in their surroundings in recuperated happiness.
they don’t even realise they’ve been walking for more than an hour until gunwook gets a notification from hanbin.
“oh, shit, we should head back.” gunwook says as he notices the time. turning around the way they came, the sun is setting in the distance. “it’s getting late, let’s go?”
taerae looks around, eyes landing on the bridge next to them to cross to the southern side of the river.
i know this place.
“can... can i keep going?” he asks, looking up at gunwook with pleading eyes.
“hanbin hyung wants us back, though.” gunwook hesitates, frowning. “what’re you going to do? keep walking?”
taerae decides he won’t lie fully to gunwook. “a friend of mine lives around here. i haven’t seen him in a while, so i want to visit him.”
gunwook looks at the bridge, past it to the buildings on the other side. “okay, well, just update me and hanbin of how you are. i have to go back, but i’m sure you’re fine to stay out a bit longer. it’s good for you, too.” gunwook smiles, pulling their arms apart from where they’d been locked together.
“get home safe, gunwookie. thank you for forcing me to come outside.” taerae says, and gunwook beams.
“anytime.” gunwook replies, and nods at him. “i’ll head off now, stay safe, taerae hyung!”
taerae nods with a smile. he watches gunwook walk off, before turning back to the bridge. looking past, he sees the building he recognises from the photos, from the stories and smiles.
junhyeon, are you there?
his legs carry him across the bridge before he can realise it, and then he’s weaving through streets to the main entrance of the redstart enm building.
“what am i even doing here?” he mutters to himself as he looks up at it, tall with lights shining through the windows. are they in there – that room with the lights on? are they practicing, all four of them? is junhyeon there?
“taerae hyung? what’re you doing here?”
taerae turns around almost frantically at the oddly familiar voice. his wide eyes relax however, when he takes in who’s standing just outside the side door to the building.
“woojinie, hi.” he lets out, breathy nervous laugh following.
“are you lost? or is there something you need from one of us?” woojin asks as he nears taerae with worry on his features.
taerae shakes his head with a smile – woojin has always been so sweet. “no, i— i’m not lost. uh— is junhyeon with you?”
he’s not afraid to admit to woojin he wants to see junhyeon. woojin was many times a subject to their sneaky intimacy in planet camp when they did man in love together (he sometimes even had to cover the cameras for them when they were too touchy without realising it). woojin wouldn’t judge him.
“oh, junhyeon?” woojin smiles widely – knowingly, but taerae doesn’t notice. “he’s at the dorm. i’m going to pick up some food and minseoung and keonhee are still practicing – junhyeon left early.”
taerae frowns at this. “left early? is he okay?”
“he’s fine, he’s just been getting tired easily these days – i’m not sure what’s up.” woojin shrugs. “do you want me to show you to the dorm?”
taerae smiles with a nod. “yeah, that’d be great.”
woojin leads him there with a wide smile, even though he could have easily just told taerae some directions since their dorm is barely a few blocks away and down just one street.
“it was really nice to see you again, hyung.” woojin smiles as he stops in front of a building. “i hope preparations for debut haven’t been too tiring.”
taerae smiles. “they haven’t. thank you for bringing me.”
“no problem, we’re on floor 5, apartment B. i’ll let you in and you can head straight up, i’m sure junhyeon will let you in.” woojin nods, and punches in a code to the front door and it slides open with ease. “there.”
“thank you, woojinie.” taerae smiles.
“anytime. i’ll see you around!” woojin says, hugging taerae briefly before skipping off down the street.
cute, taerae thinks, before entering the building. he makes his way up to the fifth floor with his heart suddenly hammering against his chest. why is he even doing this in the first place?
he’s somehow convinced himself that junhyeon doesn’t want to see him – that he’ll slam the door in his face as soon as he sees him, and that thought has taerae’s hands getting clammy and warm.
junhyeon, however, bursts into an ear-to-ear grin when he sees taerae on the other side of the door. taerae doesn’t even have a moment to say hi before junhyeon is pulling him inside and hugging him.
“taerae, what are you doing here?!” he exclaims as soon as he lets taerae go. he grabs taerae’s hand, pulling him into a room that taerae assumes is junhyeon’s room.
taerae is still in too much shock at junhyeon’s happiness to reply.
“hyung?” junhyeon calls out, and taerae turns to him lostly. “why do you look so shocked? did you think i was going to slam the door in your face or something?” he laughs, but taerae’s head suddenly hangs low and his shoulders slump and junhyeon’s smile wipes straight off his face.
“oh god, rae, you thought i would do that?” he says, walking up to taerae and putting one hand on his shoulder while the other moves to gently lift his chin to look at him.
tears are welling up in taerae’s eyes, and junhyeon frowns at him. “are you okay? is something wrong?”
taerae simply stares at junhyeon, feeling his heart thunder in his ribcage, feeling his head go all mushy as he looks at the beauty that is kum junhyeon. before he can even register anything, he’s surging forwards, hands lifting to either side of junhyeon’s face as he pulls him into a kiss.
junhyeon doesn’t take long to reciprocate just as deeply, hands snaking around taerae’s waist, but the shock of the sudden action is still noticeable.
kissing junhyeon is everything taerae thought it would be and more. it’s soft and sweet despite junhyeon’s slightly chapped lips, and junhyeon tastes and smells of cinnamon and taerae swears he has never felt safer.
and he’s kissing junhyeon desperately, pulling him closer and closer with heavy breaths because he’s so terrified that junhyeon might disappear again – that he’ll never be able to even hear of his name again.
junhyeon pulls away from taerae to catch his breath, looking at taerae with wide eyes. taerae’s own are glossy with unshed tears, and looking at junhyeon’s spit-slick and swollen lips, he tries very hard not to cry.
“rae, what’s going on?” junhyeon asks quietly, cupping the side of taerae’s face gently.
taerae chokes back a sob, leaning down to hide his face in junhyeon’s shoulder as he hugs him around the torso. “i miss you so much.” he whispers, clutching the back of junhyeon’s shirt. “i can’t live without you. it’s torture.”
he can feel junhyeon smiling as the younger presses a kiss against his hair. “i miss you too, rae. more than you can imagine.” junhyeon replies, voice just as soft and caring as always.
taerae looks up at him with a wet face. he tries to wipe the tears away, but it proves quite difficult due to his glasses. “you don’t know how much i’ve suffered.” he says, voice hoarse. “i— i couldn’t get out of bed for weeks, junhyeon. i could only bundle myself in my blankets and cry into this stupid duck plushie while listening to fucking hello, strangerbecause i miss you so much and i can’t live without you.”
junhyeon lips part with a quiet gasp, staring at taerae with to much sorrow it makes tears well up in taerae’s eyes again. “really?”
taerae nods silently. “the only reason i got out today is because gunwook forced me to.”
junhyeon’s grip around his waist tightens, one hand remaining there while the other lifts to cup taerae’s cheek, thumb gently wiping at the tears.
“why didn’t you tell me?” junhyeon whispers.
taerae bites his lips together, looking anywhere but at junhyeon who is so close to him. “i was scared.” he admits carefully, each syllable calculated and slow. “i thought you had forgotten me.”
“how could i ever forget you, taerae?” junhyeon sighs, caressing taerae’s waist gently. “you’re the one i’m in love with.”
taerae’s head shoots back towards junhyeon at those words. “you love me?” he whispers, shock lacing his words.
junhyeon smiles softly. “did you forget?” he laughs. “i’ve always loved you.”
“well... i know, but...” taerae trails off in hesitation. “i thought that... since you didn’t contact me, i thought you moved on.”
junhyeon squeezes his cheek lightly. “how could i move on from someone like you?” he smiles. “you’re my first love, taerae. i’m sure you’ll be my last, too.”
“fuck,” taerae curses, hands moving to wrap around junhyeon’s neck. “stop doing this to me, kum junhyeon.”
“doing what?” junhyeon says, and it sounds teasing, but his wide eyes and confused smile give away his obliviousness. “what did i do? i’m just being sincere right now, kim taerae.”
taerae huffs out, fingers tangling in the slightly long hair at junhyeon’s nape. “you’re being caring and attractive after i just cried to you – it’s not fair.”
“i didn’t mean to!” junhyeon replies immediately, both hands flying back to taerae’s waist. “i swear!”
taerae laughs, pressing his forehead into junhyeon’s. “i missed this.” he whispers.
“which part of ‘this’?” junhyeon asks.
taerae hums lightly. “everything; the teasing, the hugging, just being around you, everything.”
“well, minus the kissing.” junhyeon laughs, and taerae flushes red.
“sorry.”
“it’s okay, i wouldn’t have asked for a better first kiss with you.” junhyeon smiles.
taerae had completely forgotten how junhyeon had promised to make their first kiss special – he’d just ruined that the second he saw junhyeon again and impulsively kissed him without thinking about how junhyeon might feel about it. they’d never kissed during boys planet, too scared about getting caught to even dare, so when junhyeon had promised to make it special when there weren’t cameras, taerae doesn’t think he meant kissing in his room on some random evening after they hadn’t seen each other in over a month.
“really?” taerae asks shyly, and junhyeon laughs.
“i personally would have made it more romantic, but it looked like you needed it.” he teases, and taerae flushes red yet again.
“hey—! what do you mean by that?” taerae whines, burying his head into junhyeon’s chest.
“just that you looked so desperate.” junhyeon laughs. “and that you listened to my song on repeat for weeks. you missed me that much?”
taerae looks up at him solely for the reason of glaring at him. “you’re unbearable.” he complains.
junhyeon shrugs. “it’s true, you said it yourse—”
taerae cuts him off by pressing another kiss to his lips, short and sweet. “junhyeon, i spiralled into depression because i wasn’t with you. does that not say enough? you should appreciate me while it’s still easy for me to see you.”
junhyeon smiles brightly at him. “you’re happy right now, though, right? now that you’ve got me back again?”
taerae nods. “of course.”
“can... can i kiss you?” junhyeon asks carefully, and taerae has a stifle a laugh.
“obviously?” he smiles, but junhyeon smacks him on the side of the arm.
“no, like... my way. the romantic way.”
taerae frowns playfully. “what, so me suddenly kissing you after getting depressed because i hadn’t seen you in a month wasn’t romantic?”
junhyeon’s hands start caressing taerae’s waist gently, moving up and down over the white shirt he’s wearing under the jacket. “it was, but i have a different idea.”
taerae nods. “okay.” he says. “i just want to kiss you.”
junhyeon doesn’t say anything; he merely leads taerae to his bed, where he sits against the headboard and gestures for taerae to come closer to him. taerae climbs on after slipping his shoes off, crawling towards junhyeon until he’s gently straddling his hips.
“like that?” taerae asks, and looking up at junhyeon, he blushes red.
junhyeon is staring at him as if he literally hung all the stars in the sky, and it’s driving him insane. “what?”
“you’re so beautiful, rae.” junhyeon breathes out, hands resting on taerae’s waist. “you look so hot like this.”
taerae can’t stop himself from smiling, barely hiding it by the way he wraps his arms around junhyeon’s neck. “just kiss me, you giant idiot.” he says, and junhyeon pulls him in, connecting their lips.
junhyeon is immediately pressing his tongue against taerae’s lips, and taerae lets him in with ease. junhyeon’s lips against his own is so dizzying – so crazy that taerae can’t even try to think straight anymore because his brain is simply screaming junhyeon, junhyeon, junhyeon; his heart is thundering in his chest and blood is rushing through his ears and all he can process his junhyeon holding him like this, kissing him so passionately, so perfectly.
for a second, junhyeon pulls away, and taerae is disappointed until he sees junhyeon lift his hand and pull taerae’s glasses off his face swiftly, pulling him back into the deep kiss that’s much more comfortable now that the glasses are off. junhyeon doesn’t even look down, focused on kissing taerae passionately while stuffing the glasses into the pocket of taerae’s jacket.
is that wasn’t the hottest thing taerae has ever seen, he’s really not quite sure what is.
junhyeon tastes like cinnamon and taerae loves it. it’s warm and soft and safe and acts as a sort of reminder to taerae that he shouldn’t get too lost, even if junhyeon is driving him insane every time he sucks on his tongue. if this is junhyeon’s definition of romantic, he’ll happily take it any day over cheesy acts like rose petals in his bed or singing love songs in public.
taerae can’t hold back the sounds he makes – the soft whines that tumble out of his mouth straight into junhyeon’s own at the way junhyeon is handling him with such care and yet is making out with him so roughly – so deeply. junhyeon is an incredible kisser and taerae never wants to stop.
junhyeon bites at taerae’s bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth as he pulls away with heavy breaths, staring at taerae on his lap who is gripping onto the back of his shirt tightly and breathing so heavily. taerae’s lips are rosy red and swollen with the way junhyeon attacked them, and the sight is so beautiful junhyeon can’t stop himself from pressing another kiss to taerae’s lips before latching his lips onto taerae’s neck.
taerae’s eyes fling open at this in shock, but his head soon lolls back and he bears his neck for junhyeon to do whatever he pleases with it, eyes fluttering shut again as he takes in the feeling of junhyeon kissing down the skin.
junhyeon leaves trails of wet kisses down the column of taerae’s neck, nipping at the skin occasionally and drinking in the soft whimpers taerae lets out.
“can i leave marks?” he asks quietly, rough voice making taerae visibly shiver.
“please, junhyeon.” taerae begs, tangling his hands in junhyeon’s hair.
“are you sure? what about the staff, will they be okay with it?”
taerae looks at junhyeon with a slight glare. “i really don’t care if the staff care or not. junhyeon, just— please. i need you.”
junhyeon doesn’t need to be told twice. he surges towards taerae’s neck again, catching the skin between his teeth and sucking and licking on it until taerae is a mess under his touch. the hickeys are red and purple and bloom proudly on taerae’s skin and junhyeon can’t help but trail them further and further down, moving the fabric of taerae’s shirt out of the way to lick and suck across taerae’s collarbones.
taerae is such a mess. he can’t even try to close his mouth because the sounds spilling out are too much to control; he simply lets them out in full glory and lets them fuel junhyeon even further.
“you’re so hot, taerae,” junhyeon mumbles against taerae’s skin. “so pretty for me.”
he moves upwards again, kissing along the tear tracks still visible on taerae’s face. “i love you so much, rae.” he says as he presses a kiss to the corner of each of taerae’s eyes before pressing their lips together once again.
taerae couldn’t ask for someone more perfect to love.
because junhyeon is the definition of the perfect lover – the only one taerae would ever want to be with, the only one taerae has ever truly loved and trusted in this way. junhyeon is the only one who understands taerae this perfectly, cares for him this perfectly, treats him this perfectly.
“i love you too, hyeon-ah.” taerae mutters against the softness of junhyeon’s lips. “more than you could ever imagine.”
junhyeon pulls away to catch his breath, and taerae thinks he might explode if junhyeon kisses him again, so he opts to rest his head against the younger’s shoulder instead as he regains what’s left of his composure.
“romantic?” junhyeon asks with a smile, and taerae nods loosely.
“so romantic.”
“i adore you, kim taerae.” junhyeon whispers. “i really missed you. i’m sorry i didn’t contact you, i thought i would disturb you and your busy idol life.”
“you’d never disturb me.” taerae smiles, looking up to meet junhyeon’s hazy eyes. “and i adore you too.”
junhyeon smiles at him, and presses a soft kiss to taerae’s cheek. “oh, and when you took my glasses off?” taerae mentions. “that was probably the most attractive thing i’ve ever seen in my life.”
junhyeon laughs, squeezing taerae’s waist. “i’m glad you think i’m hot.” he smiles, and taerae rolls his eyes at him.
“i just seriously boosted your ego, didn’t i?” he complains, and junhyeon just nods proudly.
“it was inevitable.” junhyeon concludes. “i’m too attractive.”
taerae huffs out, slipping off junhyeon’s lap and falling next to him on the bed. “whatever.” he smiles. he shuffles further down, pulling junhyeon along with him until they’re comfortable with their heads against the pillows.
taerae tries to get junhyeon to spoon him, but junhyeon turns taerae around to face him instead, wrapping his arms around his waist as they lie face to face to make sure taerae doesn’t escape.
“happy?” junhyeon asks, and taerae nods with a dizzy smile on his face.
“very.” he confirms. “i’m glad gunwook forced me out of bed today.”
junhyeon frowns slightly. “was it really that bad? the depression, i mean. if i had known, i would have made more of an effort; i’m sorry.”
taerae bites his lips together, looking away. “it’s okay, hyeon-ah. it was pretty bad, but i got through it, i guess. gunwook and hanbin helped a lot.”
“what... what did you do? when you couldn’t get out of bed?” junhyeon asks carefully, searching taerae’s face for anything, really.
taerae hesitates for a moment. “like i said, i kind of just... wrapped myself in my duvet in my dark room with my headphones on and listened to your song while just crying into a plushie hanbin got me.”
junhyeon doesn’t say anything; he just looks at taerae with such regret it makes taerae feel like crying again. “the song brought me comfort. i missed your voice, and it was the only thing i had that was just you, you know? and it got harder when hanbin gave me the plushie because it’s a duck plushie and it reminded me of when you called me your duck, remember?”
junhyeon smiles, slipping his hand underneath the fabric of taerae’s shirt to caress his waist gently. “of course i remember. you’re my little duck because you bring me happiness and laughter.”
“it’s probably all gross now from how much i’ve cried into it.” taerae complains, shuffling closer to junhyeon and closer in his arms. “it really was that bad, huh.”
“you do like the song though, don’t you?” junhyeon says with a smile, giggling when taerae smacks him on the chest lightly.
“of course i do, dumbass. i’ll never get tired of it – it’s beautiful.” taerae smiles. “i’ve probably listened to it over a thousand times at this point. i just looped it constantly.”
junhyeon can’t help but blush. “you’re so cute.” he coos at taerae. “i hope i can help you get better though. you know, pick yourself up again. you’re beautiful and all, just as always, but i can tell that you’re not in the best place since you look so tired and sad. it makes me sad, seeing you so lost like this.”
taerae glances away ashamedly. “yeah, gunwook also said i look like a mess.”
“it’s okay, though. i’ll help you. i’m right here and i always will be.” junhyeon reassures. “you can come here whenever you want, okay?”
taerae looks back at him with glittering eyes and nods happily. “thank you, junhyeon.” he whispers. “thank you.”
junhyeon moves to press a quick kiss onto taerae’s forehead. “no problem, rae.” he beams, and taerae giggles at him.
“can... can i stay over?” taerae asks hopefully, and junhyeon nods without a second of hesitation.
“obviously! is that even a question?” he exclaims. “just make sure to tell the others that you’re staying. they’ll get worried if you don’t.”
taerae widens his eyes. “right, i have to tell gunwook how i’m doing. he’s probably worried sick.”
junhyeon lets him slip out of his arms and grab the bag he had previously left randomly on the floor. he leans over the bed, unzipping it and pulling out his phone along with the duck plushie.
“look, this is the plush.” he smiles, passing it to junhyeon who widens his eyes in joy as he sees the toy.
“oh, it’s so cute!” junhyeon exclaims as he pulls it into a hug. taerae quickly replies to gunwook’s nervous series of texts, reassuring him that he’s fine and that he’s going to stay the night.
“hanbin gave it to you?” junhyeon asks when taerae tucks the phone away into his pocket. taerae hums in response, and junhyeon’s brows furrow in determination. “well, now i have to get you a better one.”
“a better one?!” taerae laughs, flopping himself back next to junhyeon, who pulls him closer and closer until the duck plushie is squished between them.
“a softer and bigger one, obviously.” junhyeon announces as if it’s that simple.
taerae giggles, and shuffles even closer to junhyeon in the younger’s embrace. the combination of junhyeon’s presence and the softness of the familiar plush is making him feel very much at ease.
“i can see the tear stains on this one, too.” junhyeon comments, and taerae shouts out in annoyance.
“don’t look for them!” he complains, burying his face into the softness of the plush to hide his embarrassed cheeks.
“it’s cute though!” junhyeon retorts. “all these tears were shed because you missed me~ so cute, taerae-yah.”
taerae looks up at him with a glare, but it’s only so long until it turns playful and he turns giddily in junhyeon’s arms.
“i really did miss you, though. so fucking much.” he sighs, glancing at junhyeon with a soft smile. “it was rough. i thought i’d never see you again.”
“well, we’re here now, aren’t we?” junhyeon smiles. “let’s only look at the future from now on, okay? no more wallowing in our own pity.”
taerae nods with a giggle. “okay.”
he pushes the plushie out of the way so he can cuddle closer into junhyeon’s body, warmth and the soft scent of cinnamon radiating off him. junhyeon lets him, opening his arms further so he can hug taerae properly. the duck plush lays disregarded between their legs.
“can you sing for me?” taerae asks in a whisper, eyes drooping low – even though he slept whenever and wherever, the sleep was never fulfilling and always light and uncomfortable, so he's extremely exhausted.
“what do you want me to sing?” junhyeon asks back, just as quietly. he senses taerae’s exhaustion and moves to drag a hand up and down the older’s back in a calming motion, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head where it’s buried against his chest.
“hello, stranger.” taerae replies without a second of hesitation.
“you really love that song, huh.” junhyeon smiles.
taerae lets out a sort of happy hum. “it’s beautiful, because it’s you.”
junhyeon flushes, but doesn’t reply. he simply lets one of his hands stay stroking taerae’s back while the other moves up to rake through his soft mint-scented hair.
he begins to sing, voice quiet and soft yet just as beautiful as always, and taerae lets his eyes shut happily.
he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. he’s simply happy to be here in junhyeon’s warm embrace, finally feeling happy and safe after feeling so lost for so long. listening to junhyeon sing him to sleep is like heaven on earth, and the hazy warmth that fills him from head to toe at junhyeon’s soft touches has him drifting to sleep faster than he thought he could.
and the last thing he hears before he fully falls asleep is junhyeon’s sweet voice singing,
you can rest in my world
even after the night
forever if you want