Chapter Text
Kylian didn’t know whether he was dumb or just plain stupid – perhaps both. Maybe he was simply a man obsessed. Obsessed with specks of liquid honey drowning in olive green eyes. With the subtle line that caressed his brow; the faint red hues that dusted his cheeks just above dimples so deep one could get lost. Most of all, Kylian was obsessed with the sound of his heart whenever Kylian was near. A soft but erratic thumping reserved only for him – a sound he desperately wished remained his.
The truth is Neymar Junior’s heart had never belonged to him; not truly. He thought it did once, long ago. Kylian was only nineteen enamoured with his childhood idol, in disbelief that one of the best players in the world wanted to spend time with him. It all changed after their Champions League loss against Bayern Munich. Distraught, they had found comfort in one another. Neymar had leaned in first and Kylian had reciprocated. The years that followed were comprised of stolen kisses and dazed glances. Kylian had never known what to label their relationship – if one could even call it that. Neymar had never been keen on naming their trysts, “we are Neymar and Kylian. Just us; only us” he had responded one evening when Kylian had asked him what they were as they lay in bed curled up in the other’s embrace. Kylian was content with the ambiguity of his answer – he had to be.
Kylian told himself he didn’t care when he’d watch Neymar leave the club with several girls on either arm. He convinced himself that it didn’t matter if Neymar hesitated before running into his arms after he’d scored a goal. No, because it was his bed that the Brazilian found himself in each night. It was his embrace that the older boy would wake up in each morning. Kylian was certain he didn’t mind that Neymar never stayed for breakfast the next morning, or that he’d prefer to stick with his fellow Brazilians during the team’s training sessions. He liked hanging out with Kimpembe anyways.
It was fine that Neymar had almost stopped interacting with him altogether after Messi had arrived in Paris. He had Hakimi. While he was hurt by Neymar liking multiple tweets insulting him after their quarrel over penalties Kylian concluded that it was nothing to fret over – it was his fault anyways, he should have done more to convince Nasser to let Neymar keep his place as the first penalty taker. Neymar was justified in his outburst after he’d learnt from Le Parisian that Kylian wanted to sell him from the club. It did not matter that there was no truth to it, Kylian was certain that Neymar would believe him once he’d explained the situation. But he didn’t and that was okay. Kylian didn’t mind that Neymar’s touches were a little harsher after that day, that his kisses were fierce, almost bruising. It was no problem that Neymar would leave immediately after they had fucked, leaving Kylian cold and alone on a bed that was warm just moments before.
We accept the love we think we deserve and there was not a universe where Neymar Junior would not be fiercely loved by Kylian Mbappe.
That is why Kylian had let Neymar into his home after he’d turned up on his doorstep half-drunk and alone. It was no issue that this was the first time in months that he’d seen Neymar, he was here now and that’s all that mattered.
Neymar sat opposite Kylian on the velvet couch, his eyes were unfocused, hazy with alcohol. He raised his eyebrow suggestively as if he was urging Kylian to make the first move. He wasn’t prepared to take the bait and instead narrowed his eyes accusingly at the Brazilian.
‘What are you doing here Neymar?’ he asked exasperatedly. It had been months since he’d seen him. Neymar had left for Brazil shortly after they had won the league, not even bothering to say goodbye. He’d come over to Kylian’s home the night before he left for a quick fuck – the younger had no idea that was the last time he’d be seeing him in a while.
Kylian had spent weeks devastated by the elder’s departure, reciting the timeline of events over and over wondering what he could have done differently to make Neymar stay, to have Neymar love him the way he used to. He’d only surfaced from the bedroom after Hakimi, concerned for his best friend’s sanity had insisted on dragging him out of the house. It had been easier after that. The longing Kylian had felt was replaced with begrudging acceptance.
The Brazilian looked at him through hooded eyes taking a swing of what he assumed was vodka, before refocusing on the Parisian.
‘You know why I’m here’, Neymar smirked daring Kylian to challenge him.
The younger of the two felt the colour drain from his face, ‘yes, well I want answers’ he snapped at the elder who narrowed his eyes in return. If Neymar thought he could just show up unannounced after months and everything would be fine then he was in for a surprise.
‘Answers’, Neymar repeated slowly as if the word tasted bitter in his mouth. ‘Answers?’ He spat again, adjusting his body slightly so that he was completely horizontal to the Frenchman. ‘Who are you to think that you’re entitled to any answers Kylian? I don’t have to explain myself to you.’
‘If you don’t want to explain why you fucked off to Brazil for months without having the decency to inform me then you know where the door is’. He bit back. Kylian wasn’t prepared to let Neymar off the hook so easily. Not after spending months trying to fill the void that the Brazilian had left behind. No, not this time.
If Kylian was paying attention he would have noticed the look of regret that flickered momentarily within the other’s eyes before his features returned to their usual passivity.
‘And there he is’, Neymar smirked, giving Kylian a patronising glare. ‘I was wondering when he was going to show up’, he carried on in an obvious attempt to rouse the younger boy.
‘What are you talking about?’ he managed to get out but Neymar didn’t spare him as much as a glance before carrying on his rant.
‘You know, everyone always gets on my back for the way I treat you. They’ve all got something to say…Leo…Sergio…fucking Thierry Henry! “Poor Kylian waiting each night for Neymar to come home.” “Poor Kylian, Neymar doesn’t even give him the time of day on the field.” Cry me a fucking river! They don’t know you, they don’t know who you truly are.’
He looked at Kylian with so much venom that he felt as if he were about to implode. They sat in uncomfortable silence for what felt like a lifetime before Kylian finally found the courage to speak up.
‘And who am I truly Neymar? Please, enlighten me.’ He pressed, refusing to show how deeply the older boy’s words had cut.
‘You’re a coward. You extended at Paris Saint Germain because you lack the ambition to play in a tougher league – because Qatar gave you the keys to the club. You wanted to sell me because you’re threatened by me, of my talent. You don’t care about me, you don’t give a fuck about whatever this fucked up thing is between us. It’s only ever been about you and that’s the way it will always be.’ He spat out, gasping for breath as he struggled to regulate the ferocity of his pounding heart.
The Brazilian raised a brow at the Frenchman as if he was inviting him to bite back, but Kylian could not move. The gravity of Neymar’s words weighed heavily on him – is that what he truly believed? Was Kylian that much of a burden? He hadn’t tried to sell Neymar, he’d even given up his dream of playing at Real Madrid so that he could stay close to the older man. He would rather spend a lifetime drowning in Neymar’s embrace each evening than playing in a club thousands of miles away from the man he loved.
Kylian couldn’t help it when his body began to shake violently as bitter tears began to trickle down his face. Through blurred vision, he could just make out the Brazilian standing up, a lethal look decorated exasperated features.
‘I came here for a good time, not a therapy session. I’ll see myself out.’ He sighed before making his way towards the door.
‘No!’ Kylian insisted, surprised that his voice came out as nothing but a timid whimper. He let his actions do the talking as he frantically followed the older man, tugging on his arm so that they were face to face. He could feel the alcohol on Neymar’s breath, their lips so close that one wrong move would fuse them.
Neymar crossed his arms against his torso, looking at the young Parisian expectantly. ‘No?’
‘Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me. Stay. Please.’ Kylian begged as he felt the fight slowly withdraw from his body.
‘Will you listen to me when I speak to you?’ Neymar implored, pulling on the Frenchman’s chin slightly so hazel green met mocha brown eyes.
Kylian nodded once.
‘Will you cut the bullshit and let me do what I came here for?’
Kylian nodded once more.
‘Good’, Neymar smirked as he lifted his arms to circle the younger man’s waist pulling him impossibly closer. Kylian shuddered as he inhaled the other’s scent – whiskey and rose. He smelt like home, a smell he would always cave into.
With a defeated sigh, Kylian leant down to capture the Brazilian’s lips but was surprised to feel the force of a single finger against his own. Confused, he looked Neymar deep in the eyes. He could have sworn he’d seen a hint of sadness lace hazel eyes as Neymar shook his head slightly, ‘No, not tonight’.
Kylian frowned as he desperately attempted to process the foreign words. ‘Why not? We always kiss when we –
His words were cut off by a frustrated growl. Kylian was affronted when he saw Neymar’s eyes go from longing to rageful, almost desperate. ‘I said not tonight Kylian. Don’t push me.’ He warned.
Refusing to take no for an answer Kylian began to plead with the older man, ‘But Ney –
‘What part of no do you not understand?’ Neymar growled out as his grip tightened around the Frenchman’s waist. Kylian let out a small squeak, taken aback by the ferocity of the words.
‘I can’t. Not tonight. Or else I won’t be able to…’ Neymar trailed off, his features scrunched up in pain as if he was fighting a losing internal battle. He looked at Kylian almost pleadingly, he didn’t remember the last time the man had looked at him with such softness. It almost reminded him of…well, Kylian wasn’t going to let his mind get lost in the past. It was the past for a reason, this was the present and he had a half-vulnerable Neymar waiting for his attention.
Kylian gave a curt nod. A nod that carried the weight of a thousand words left unsaid.
That was all Neymar needed to act. Without hesitation, he lifted Kylian up who wrapped his legs securely around his waist and buried his face into the crook of his neck inhaling the musky scent that he had been deprived of for so long.
...
Kylian was flung onto the bed and his shirt frantically torn off as soon as they entered his dimly lit bedroom, his sheets were still unmade from the night before. He hadn’t a second to gather his bearings before Neymar was on him, quick and dominating. He was suffocating under the Brazilian’s hot gaze as he took the opportunity to truly appreciate the older man’s beauty. He was unparalleled. Glossy hazel eyes were bright against caramel-brown skin; sunken dimples outlined perfect rose-bud lips. He was breathtaking, and Kylian was content to have him any way he could.
He refocused on the scene above him just in time to see Neymar’s eyes widen in shock as a faint blush tinted his cheeks. He turned away embarrassed as if caught acting upon something he shouldn’t. Kylian opened his mouth to question the man’s dubious behaviour but was quickly silenced as warm lips gently attacked the base of his neck as Neymar slowly kissed every inch of his chest savouring each taste. Kylian moaned at the contact, arching desperately into the Brazilian’s gentle touch.
‘Patience bebê,’ Neymar murmured as Kylian continued to whimper below him. ‘You’re so tense. You need me here to take all your stress away. To touch you where you want to be touched, mark you where you crave to be marked.’
Tears began to form in the crests of the younger boy’s eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time Neymar had caressed his skin so carefully. Not to mention murmuring sweet nothings in his ears. If this was a dream he never wanted to wake up. No, he wanted to stay locked in the other’s embrace till the end of time.
Neymar continued to kiss down mocha skin before pulling tauntingly at the base of his tracksuit bottoms. Kylian writhed impatiently under his velvet touch, softly letting out a strangled ‘Please’.
‘Anything for you, little one,’ he whispered and Kylian let out a screech as he felt the cold air hit the base of his cock as Neymar slowly pulled down his briefs. Kylian whined softly, his head dizzying as he raised his hips desperately seeking friction against Neymar’s body.
‘Slow down, let me take care of you tonight’, Neymar spoke gently into his ear, his tongue peeping out slightly to nibble on delicate skin as Kylian’s eyes rolled into the back of his head.
Without much hesitation, Neymar crawled down the length of his body until he positioned himself comfortably over the tops of his thighs. His eyes locked onto his own as he grasped the base of his cock, slowly rubbing his hand up and down the admirable length. Kylian couldn’t help but buck his hips up into his touch, eager to seek the release he so desperately craved.
He whined as the pressure on his cock stopped suddenly, he barely had time to gather his thoughts as he felt a wet tongue lick a long stripe up the base of his cock. Kylian moaned as Neymar’s lips wrapped tightly around his length, his tongue generously circling around the shaft. The hot air against his cock felt so good that Kylian couldn’t help but slowly fuck in and out of the man’s throat. Neymar didn’t seem to mind as he continued to hum approvingly around the length, sucking it lovingly before he abruptly pulled away. Kylian whined at the loss after being so close to finding release.
‘Not like this,’ Neymar tutted knowingly before he quickly turned the boy onto his stomach, ‘You’re going to come with my cock up your ass’ he insisted and Kylian felt overwhelmed at the thought shamelessly rutting against the bedsheets below.
Neymar wasted no time lubing up two fingers before he worked them into Kylian’s entrance, curling them ever so slightly as he convulsed from the pleasure. Satisfied that Kylian was properly prepped, Neymar aligned himself at the base of his entrance only to be stopped by a frantic ‘No!’
‘What do you mean no?’ the other asked impatiently.
‘I want to see you. Please let me face you.’
The older man stilled above him, his entire body went rigid. An uncomfortable silence filled the room and Kylian already felt his stomach churn with regret. Just as he was about to plead for the Brazilian’s forgiveness, to urge him to carry on what he was previously doing, he felt a rough hand dart out underneath his stomach as he was quickly turned onto his back. His eyes locked onto hazel gold as the other man shot him an unreadable expression before slowly pushing in.
Kylian gasped at the intrusion, as he felt the length of his cock sink deeper and deeper before the entire shaft was swallowed by his tight heat.
‘Fuck’, Neymar moaned before he slowly began to thrust in and out obtaining a muffled whimper from the boy below. ‘You always feel so good, so tight. You were made for my cock, a perfect cocksleeve just for me.’
Kylian screamed as Neymar began to pound relentlessly into his sensitive hole, shifting his body slightly so that he hit the younger boy’s prostate dead on.
‘You’re so beautiful Kylian’, the older boy panted as he shamelessly worked his way in and out of the tight hole, ‘No one else compares. Going to miss you. Don’t want anybody else.’ He bit out and perhaps if Kylian was more lucid he would have grasped the gravity of the other's words. But Kylian was completely lost to the feeling of Neymar’s cock up his ass, desperately trying to reach the pinnacle of his climax.
‘Meu Amor. My golden boy. My heart’, Neymar whispered as he bent over, kissing every inch of the Frenchman’s skin. The pleasure became too much for Kylian who screamed as the ferocity of his orgasm hit without warning. The Brazilian’s movements became sloppy as he followed the younger boy, almost blacking out at the sheer intensity of his climax.
They lay next to one another as they slowly came down from their high. Kylian was lost in a haze of satisfaction and love. Neymar hadn’t been so gentle with him since before Leo had come to Paris – he was used to the quick, wordless fucks shared between the two week in, week out. This felt different. It felt almost like goodbye which was ridiculous, neither he nor Neymar was going anywhere.
Still, he felt uneasy as he listened to the older boy’s soft breathing next to him. He turned uncomfortably so that he was facing Neymar unable to shake off the feeling of dread that started to bubble deep within the pit of his stomach. The events of the night started to become clearer as he withdrew from his incoherent state. A memory, Neymar’s words specifically flashed in his mind that left him confused.
‘What did you mean when you told me you’ll miss me?’ he asked hesitantly already afraid of the answer he’d be given.
Neymar’s eyes snapped open as turned his head slightly so that light green eyes met deep brown.
‘Don’t pretend you don’t know’, he scoffed giving the younger boy a knowing glare.
‘Know what?’ Kylian questioned completely baffled. He did not appreciate the Brazilian’s sudden change in demeanour from his soft and gentle caress to the piercing and stoic person that lay beside him.
The older man’s eyes frantically studied the younger’s face looking for any sign of a lie. He sighed dejectedly when he found nothing of the sort. The Frenchman truly had no idea of the future that awaited him. That thought shouldn’t have worried Neymar as much as it did. He took a deep breath as he tried to keep his voice steady.
‘I’m going back to Barca. The deal is signed. I’ll be loaned out for the year and we will see how it goes, Paris will pay my salary. I leave tomorrow.’ Neymar said slowly and Kylian felt his whole world come to an abrupt stop.
‘What?’ He managed to choke out, his eyes filling with crystal tears.
‘You really didn’t know?’ Neymar said in disbelief, sitting up slightly so that he was towering over the Parisian.
Kylian shook his head frantically, completely distraught.
‘How many times do I need to tell you that I do not influence the club’s transfers? What do I need to do to convince you? Show you, my contract? I can do that.’ He rushed out already getting up to grab his laptop.
Neymar reached out a steadying hand gently pushing the younger boy back onto the bed. ‘Kylian stop being so dramatic. I believe that you didn’t know about me leaving and even if I didn’t it’s not like it matters – I’m not staying in Paris, your contract is no longer my concern.’
The Frenchman could barely comprehend the words coming out of his lover’s mouth. It wasn’t supposed to end like this – it wasn’t supposed to end. He was convinced that he’d have a piece of Neymar forever, no matter how small that piece may have been. While they’d never go out during the day, go on dates, interact during training, on the pitch or at gatherings with mutual friends, they’d at least have the night. Kylian would have sacrificed his entire future if it meant he would be tangled up in Neymar’s embrace every night forevermore.
Reality hit him in full force as he refocused on the man in front of him who seemed to have been speaking for the past few minutes. Kylian couldn’t begin to digest a single word spoken.
‘What?’ He asked again this time making no attempt to mask the pain from his voice.
Neymar paused his rant, raising a brow at the other man not at all pleased at his distracted state. ‘There’s no point stressing over the matter. Nothing you do or say will convince me to stay. The contract is signed, there’s no going back. I don’t belong to you Kylian, I’m my own man.’
His final words hit like a punch to the gut, spoken with such finality that Kylian felt the air slowly closing in. It hurt because it was true. Even after years of stolen kisses, discovering every inch of the other's body, and endless nights spent wrapped in the other’s warmth – Neymar Junior’s heart had never beat for Kylian the way that the Parisian’s would forever beat for him.
For the second time that night, Kylian felt the fight withdraw from his body. Only a madman tried to fight the inevitable and Kylian had no fight left to give. With the little strength he had left, he gave the man he thought would be by his side forever a single, final nod making sure to take one last longing look at the features he loved with every inch of his soul before turning around so that his back faced the Brazilian.
Tears streamed down his face as he squeezed his eyes shut desperately trying to swallow the sobs that threatened to escape his throat. After what felt like an eternity the younger boy slowly drifted into a restless sleep. If you had asked him about the arm that had reached out pulling him firmly against a warm chest, Kylian would have told you it was nothing but a dream.
...
The Parisian let out a pained cry as he woke up the next morning to a cold bed. Kylian was not surprised that Neymar hadn’t stayed the night, but a tiny part of him hoped like each night they’d shared that he would stay by Kylian’s side at least one more time. He felt his heart constrict within his chest as the events of the previous night hit him like a tidal wave.
Neymar was gone for good this time. Naively, he’d never expected this day to come always preferring to live in ignorant bliss. Kylian felt completely hopeless as silent tears began to form in the crests of his eyes. He didn’t remember what life was like before Neymar and he wasn’t brave enough to live a life that came after the older man.
They say that there is no meaner fate than the unknown – and it is safe to say that this was true. For if Kylian had woken up just a few moments earlier he would have felt the slight wetness of soft lips brushed against his own. He would have felt the subtle warmth of a blanket gently pulled to cover the entire length of the younger man’s body. He would have heard the sound of sweet nothings whispered into his ear as a shaking hand reached out to caress his cheek.
Most of all, he would have noticed the unspoken tears that formed in auburn eyes as Neymar glanced longingly at the boy he loved one last time.