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Gill pulls open her filing cabinet drawer and removes a bottle of half-empty whisky and two tumblers. “It’s not the best I’m afraid but it hits the spot.”
“Depends on what spot you want to hit I guess!” Rachel retorts, she’s sitting in a chair opposite Gill’s desk, one long leg slung over the arm of the chair and she is watching Gil intently.
“What are you on about…?” then Gill gets the innuendo and blushes slightly. She feels a little self-conscious under Rachel’s intense gaze and can’t believe just a moment ago she had planted a kiss on the detective's lips. And how only what seems minutes ago Rachel was confessing to having a crush on her, of calling her beautiful. And now all of these feelings hang in the air between them while they are sitting here they are having after-hours sneaky drinks alone in Gill’s office.
They were heading to the pub that was their plan, but then they got rudely interrupted by Janet who popped back in to inform them drinks were happening over the road and that Mitch was buying the next round and that they both needed to hurry up and get their arses out the door. They both declined the offer, both giving equally lame excuses and getting a quizzical look from Janet.
Gill raises her glass. “Cheers Sherlock,” she says with a smile at her detective sitting opposite her, handing her a tumbler with a good few shots of whisky in.
“I don’t suppose I can do a ‘cheers’ to Godzilla can I?” Rachel retorts and they both grin breaking the ice at the longstanding nickname she had given Gill an eternity ago. It was meant to have been a secret between Janet and Rachel, but somehow Gill had got wind of it, and fair play she good-naturedly had embraced it.
“So, how long?”
“How long what...?”
“How long have you had a crush on me?”
Rachel dies inside every time she hears the word crush. The word sounds so juvenile. What she feels is more than a crush. She loves Gill in a way she had never felt with anyone before, even though she hardly knows her, not as a friend, or an acquaintance – she was just another detective or so she thought, in Gill’s eyes. But she feels something so strong for Gill, more than she ever had with Sean, more than she’s had with anyone else. And now she is slowly realising that the feelings run both ways.
“A while I guess. I haven’t kept notes on it, it just happened gradually. I’ve always liked you, you know that, and I admired you and I thought it was just me wanting to be like you, but then you became more than that. I would get in early just to catch a glimpse of you walking across the car park, or I’d stay late in the hope you’d be around. I’d hang around you just to get one second of your attention. Are you angry?”
“Angry? Her voice softened. “No, you daft bugger. Hell no! Flattered. Confused yes, but not angry. Although I am in a quandary now about what I do now. We do now.” she amended. “I thought if I ignored it then I didn’t have to deal with it. However here we are...”
Awkwardly now Rachel asks Gill, “So when you said you tried to get me alone and that you had to keep your hands to yourself did you mean that or were you just trying to make me feel better?”
“Of course I meant it. You should know by now, I don’t say or do anything without meaning it. I’m too old for games. So yes, I meant what I said, I have been consumed by these feelings for such a long time, and that’s why sometimes I might be harder on you because I don’t want anyone to say Gill Murray has gone soft in her old age. I was hard on you so no one would guess I suppose. Not fair on you at all and I can only apologise for that.”
“You could have been a lot harder,” Rachel says her voice full of innuendo.
“Watch it, I don’t want to spit out my drink.” Gill grins, “God, what am I doing? What are we doing Rachel? We both have careers to think about, you more than me. I’ll be tottering off in the not-too-distant future. You though, you’ve got your career to think of now kid. No good messing it up for me.”
Rachel leans over the desk and grabs Gills's arm. “Hey, you will never be the cause of my life being messed up. I’ve managed quite well on that score all on my own. You’ve been the one that’s been the steady constant in my life. Don’t ever think that.” She takes her hand and squeezes it gently. “I mean it, Gill. You have no idea how much you have saved me.”
Gill nods. “Okay, then I take that back, but I am deadly serious about your career. You have far more to lose than me. I don’t want this to become some sort of sleazy affair and be the talk of the office, do you understand? If we do this we have rules, I don’t know what yet…we can work this out, but we, I need structure around this.”
Rachel nods. She’s well aware of the times her love life has been the talk of the office, and her drunken shenanigans at the local pub, in fact, a lot of the office gossip was Rachel’s life. This was different. She wanted to protect Gill, to protect whatever fraction of her life she was willing to share with her, at any cost.
“I do understand, and I understand if this...whatever this is, if you want to wait, to think. I don’t want this to be a mistake. And this is killing me saying this because all I want to do is leave here with you.”
Gill snorts. “If you hadn’t noticed I’m impatient. I don’t like to wait. So, I’m suggesting you finish that drink and then follow me back to my place so we can continue this conversation,” her voice has an authoritative tone to it which sends a thrill through Rachel’s body. She loved it when Gill went full-on boss mode.
Rachel beams. “Are you sure...I mean is this is what you want to do?”
Gill smirks. “Conversations do not lead to sex. I said come back to mine to talk.”
Rachel has her beat, “They will do when I end up talking dirty to you over a glass of wine or two.” she licks her lips suggestively.