Chapter Text
He was often told as a child to get stronger. Stronger like his brothers. Like his father. So he could be like the rest of his family; heartless and strict and heart like steel.
He realized this was a necessity to be able to grow up in Germa. They wouldn’t tolerate incompetence or weakness, those words didn’t exist. But he couldn’t meet these expectations well enough. His heart was anything but cold, he could never be strict, and his heart and skin were anything but steel.
This was why he was lucky that Zeff didn’t mind him being weak. Zeff took him in just how he was, and he’d forever be grateful for that. He wasn’t going to tell him about the Vinsmoke’s though, that was his own secret to keep. His own tale of horrors.
Along this path with Zeff he also learned more about the water which was surrounding their precious restaurant.
“What’s so special about water? It’s just keeping us on land and it gets in the way.”
“Water connects us all Little Eggplant, it paves paths to other islands and gives us life to grow our food from, which is where a cook comes in. If you didn’t have ingredients you couldn’t even try to become a cook, see? That’s why it’s important. It keeps you wondering, it keeps you guessing what’s out there. Even when I was a pirate I never found out what was at the end of the ocean.”
Sanji hadn’t thought of it that way. With its ships on the passageway that is the water. It opened his eyes to another view, a different one than that of which was already carved into his mind, different than what Germa had taught him before.
He and Zeff shared the same dream. The All Blue. He was going to find the All Blue. His mother dreamt of it, Zeff did, he did, and his books detailing the fish and creatures living in the mythical sea was only urging him further to go out to sea. But he didn’t have the heart to right now, he couldn’t leave the Baratie. But he would eventually. He’d find it. The precious sea that every cook marveled over.
…
There was only one thing he couldn’t wrap his head around, even now with his knowledge of the seas and cooking. With his nineteen years of living he still didn’t understand why something that provided so much life, and was to similar to the people he held close to him, could also be like his brothers.
Zeff was like the ocean in the way that he helped him live, helped him grow and kept him afloat.
Luffy was like the ocean in the way that his moved him across its waves, have him an adventure, a purpose.
The Vinsmoke’s were like the ocean in the way that it took what it wanted without listening, it took and it didn’t give back. It crashes against its opponents and didn’t feel remorse, it didn’t feel anything. It stole the lives of the ever so hopeful adventurers and sunk them to the bottom of its depths.
He loved his crew and his chosen father, his adventures were very dear to him. And he knew the ocean would lead them to Luffy becoming the Pirate King. So how could he ever wrap his mind around this being one and the same with his brothers. The ones that tortured him, beat him until his face was numb, until his fingers were shaking vigorously and tears wouldn’t come to his eyes anymore. Like Judge who threw him in a dark and murky dungeon until his eyes could barely see the outlines of the cell walls, until the helmet crushing his head became almost rusty and cut his ears and skin. And when he escaped he didn’t know what to do, he was weak wasn’t he?
Those monsters couldn’t be the same as his saviors. So why were they? He could think until his skull hurt and he cried, but he didn’t understand. He hoped he could one day, understand how this worked. He wanted to understand how other royal families got along so well, how they were so close, how they laughed. He wanted to, he truly did. He’d find out eventually, he’d figure everything out. He wanted to be his like his brothers, no, he just wanted his brothers back. Did he even have them in the first place? He’d always wanted a sense of someone he could trust, he’d always wanted his brothers to like him, he just wasn’t sure he cared anymore.