Chapter Text
Louis cracked one eye open and sat up slowly.
He couldn’t be sure what woke him, but he was grateful because whatever it was saved him from the terrifying nightmare he had been having.
He gazed around. The room was dark, a crack of sunlight barely visible as it slipped underneath the blinds that covered the window, effectively closing him off from the rest of the world. Louis peered around the cramped room and was greeted by its bleak greyness.
Grey walls. Grey carpet. Grey curtains.
His mother had been appalled when he first moved in, calling the room bland and dismal. Louis had simply shrugged. “I quite like it,” he had told her and immediately spread his dark grey duvet across the bed, finding an odd sense of comfort in the way it matched.
Louis' thoughts were quickly interrupted by a distant banging noise coming from somewhere down the hall.
What the hell? He was sure Niall and Liam must be in class. He sighed deeply, throwing the duvet off of his sweaty limbs and swinging his legs out of bed. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror and immediately grimaced. Wispy strands of unwashed caramel-coloured hair were plastered around his face and the nape of his neck. Faint violet circles bruised the skin under his pale blue eyes, and a hint of a golden brown five o’clock shadow dusted his skin. His t-shirt was wrinkled and one leg of his black boxer briefs was higher than the other, exposing the tan fleshy skin of his thigh. “Fuck," he muttered to his reflection, grabbing a black headband to push the shaggy hair off his face. Another bang sounded from the hall, alongside a cupboard being slammed. He stormed out of the room, ready to tell off whichever one of his inconsiderate roommates was rudely disrupting his sleep.
“Oi, dickhead! Keep it down, I’m trying to bloody slee—," Louis stopped abruptly and found himself face-to-face with a complete stranger in his kitchen.
A fit stranger. All long legs and chocolate curls and deep dimples. Shit.
“Hello to you, too," the hot stranger drawled, his lovely full lips curling into a devilish smirk.
Louis noted that, apparently, even his voice was hot. The hot stranger put down the mug in his hand and grinned at Louis over his shoulder, sticking out his hand formally.
“I’m Harry. Styles. Harry Styles.”
Louis coughed awkwardly and reached a hand forward. “Uh, I'm Louis. Tomlinson,” He said, noting the way his hand felt small clasped in Harry’s much larger one. Louis suddenly remembered his attire and tried to subtly tug his t-shirt down over his torso and straighten the leg of his briefs.
Meanwhile, Harry was dressed like a model, in a pair of excessively tight blue jeans that left very little to the imagination and an oversized retro KISS t-shirt. Sprawling tattoos covered his chest and arm, on display for Louis to admire. As he shifted his body back to face him, Louis noticed the words “HOT N HARD” splayed over the back of the shirt. Louis felt himself flush hotly and tugged harder at the hem of his t-shirt.
“Were you asleep? It’s almost 2 p.m., mate,” Hot Harry joked, deep voice chuckling. Harry's eyes drifted down to track Louis’ movements and he couldn't help but feel incredibly endeared. Louis was obviously flustered and he just looked so cute in his little briefs and t-shirt. Harry forced his eyes not to linger over his body and instead looked directly at him, piercing his light blue eyes with his own green ones.
“I mean, yeah, I uh, was, just a bit tired yeah…" Louis stuttered. "Wait, hang on, what the bloody hell are you even doing here? Are you a friend of the lads? 'Cos they aren’t here.” He finished lamely, fully aware that he sounded like a massive dick. Fuck, Harry made him nervous.
Harry looked bewildered and laughed awkwardly. “Erm, you mean no one mentioned I was coming today? That's awkward. Er, I’m your new roommate? I’ve just transferred from another dorm." He shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Quite excited, cos I was in a double before, with them adjoining toilets, you know? I quite fancy having a kitchen and my own room and that, should be good, erm, yeah…sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?" He frowned. "Shit, the residence manager was supposed to let you guys know…you must think I’m a massive twat just barging in here.” His large hand raked through his chestnut curls and he smiled nervously. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
He shifted the weight between his long legs from left to right, hands interlaced and crossed behind his back. Louis watched the way his toes pointed slightly together as he did this and tried not to smirk. He looked quite like a duck. A very cute duck.
Louis softened. “No, no! That’s fine, I mean, it’s your place now, just uh took me by surprise? Actually, the lads may have mentioned something about a new guy coming…err, me memory can be a bit shit sometimes to be fair, sorry mate. Uh, well, welcome? Make yourself at home and all that…well, you’ve found the kitchen then so I guess you’re already doing that…uh so. Cool,” Louis tapped his hand against his hip and rocked awkwardly on his heels. Now he was the one rambling. Harry was fit as shit, though, and oh, now they were roommates? Oh god. Louis shuffled again and decided his best option was to just flee the scene straight away. “Well, I’ll just leave you to it then…so. Right,” He said, turning to head back to his room down the hall.
“Don’t you want to give me a tour?” Harry asked.
Louis paused and turned back around to see Harry's soft pink lips turned upwards into a smile.
“I mean…not much to see but yeah, sure."
Harry grinned. “So your room is down that hall then?” He asked, motioning towards the two rooms on the left side of the flat where Louis was walking.
“Yeah, been on me own down this way since Zayn—he was the bloke who lived here before—left. His room was beside mine. Liam and Niall have rooms down the other hall and there’s a toilet down each way so only two lads share. Pretty decent. And uh, well you’ve already seen the kitchen and the living room is just past it so I uh, guess that’s it?” He finished feebly , stopping in front of the entrance to the loo.
Harry just continued to smile brightly. “So I guess we’ll be toilet buddies, then?”
Louis snorted. “Suppose we will.”
“I take pretty long showers, have to warn you.”
“Not surprising. With all that lovely hair of yours,” Louis blurted before instantly willing himself to settle down.
“Well I do like to deep condition,” Harry grinned. “Don't worry, though, I’m very tidy and I reckon I’m quite handy at cleaning a drain.”
“Good to know. I wouldn’t worry, though, Curly. Messy as shit, me. So, you know, don’t clean on my account.” Louis crossed his arms over his chest and leaned lightly against the wall in a manner that he hoped appeared casual.
Harry feigned shock. “Cleanliness is next to godliness, Lou, didn’t you know?”
Louis couldn’t keep his face from breaking into a satisfied grin at the sound of the nickname. He felt comfortable around Harry, something that never happened much anymore. Talking to him was sending a warm feeling radiating through his chest. “Oh god, you’re probably the type of person who makes cleaning schedules aren’t you? And hangs it on the fridge with everyone’s duties and all that,” Louis groaned.
“Heyyyy, lists can be really productive in a household!” Harry protested, his deep voice taking on a higher pitch and a slight whine.
It was the most adorable sound Louis had ever heard.
Harry eyed the simple vanity and stopped short in front of the small standing shower in the corner of the room. “No bathtub? That’s a problem. I may have to move out already,” He joked.
“You know, you look like the type of man who enjoys a good soak in a bubble bath,” Louis smiled slyly.
Harry cackled loudly, coming over to stand right in front of him. “You know it,” he said with a wink. “Guess I’ll have to learn to cope then?”
“I’ll be thinking of you during this difficult time.”
Harry smirked and stuck his head inside the shower door. “Really, though, this shower is quite small, isn't it? How does anyone have a proper wash in there?”
“You’re so posh. It’s not that small!” Louis rolled his eyes.
Harry poked Louis lightly on the shoulder, biting his lip to hold back a smirk. “Aw, you’re right. It’s Louis-sized.”
Louis huffed, standing up straighter and puffing out his chest the best he could. “Oi! It—it is not. I’m 5’9”! And I’ll have you know that shower can fit two people quite easily,” He protested hotly.
“Oh? Does it now? Good to know. Didn’t realize you had frequent shower guests.” Harry’s smile was impish, his green eyes shining.
“I, no. I meant Liam! Liam and his girlfriend, she’s always over, you know and you can hear…I mean...pervert.” Louis stuttered and shook his head, tilting it up to the ceiling as he laughed.
Harry just cackled wickedly beside him and headed for the hall. “Alright, let’s see the rooms then.”
They moved down the narrow hall and Louis stopped at the first door, opening it and waving a hand for Harry to go in. “Welcome to the Ritz.”
Harry laughed. “Hey to be fair, my last dorm wasn’t much bigger than this and I had to share it with another bloke, so this kind of is the Ritz to me.”
Louis noted that Harry genuinely seemed excited at the prospect of having this little space to his self. Before he could respond, Harry turned back towards him and shuffled back into the hall.
“Now then, let’s see your room.”
“You really are a bit pervy aren’t you?”
“’M not!”
Louis raised a brow at Harry amusedly.
"I'm merely interested in getting a feel for the flat as a whole. Spatial awareness and that," Harry replied.
Louis continued to stare at him. “Whatever you say, mate,” he laughed, passing in front of Harry and pausing in front of his door. He suddenly felt nervous and tired, wishing he were alone and back in bed. He pushed the door open and stood awkwardly to the side, eyeing a pile of dirty laundry beside the bed that he hoped wouldn't be obvious to Harry.
“Well…this is it.”
Harry strolled in, emerald eyes roaming over the contents of the room. There was a bed and a desk, covered in scattered papers, with an old MacBook that he noticed was decorated with various band stickers. The double bed was covered in a dark grey duvet and had only one pillow. Interesting, Harry noted. The closet was opposite the bed and Harry noticed a line of empty vodka bottles. The mood of the room was musky and depressing and made him a little sad.
“Wow, I love what you’ve done with the place, Louis. It’s uh, really cheerful. Practically a baby’s nursery with all the warmth.”
Louis cringed inwardly at Harry’s brief glance at the empty bottles and remembered his mother’s own words about the room. To be fair, he never really noticed how the room could appear to others. He pushed the thoughts aside and shrugged good-naturedly. “Yeah, yeah. What are you, an interior designer, Posh Spice?”
Harry burst out laughing. “Posh Spice? If I’m Posh, you're Baby Spice.”
“Am not—”
“Or maybe Ginger Spice? Like, the essence of Ginger. You are quite sassy.”
“’M not a spice girl,” Louis huffed. “Quite manly and tall you know.” Louis didn’t know where this lively confidence was emerging from, but something about Harry put him at ease and made him feel like he was about to throw up all at the same time. It was kind of exhilarating.
Harry grinned wildly, endeared at how adorable Louis was when he got cheeky. “You’re right,” He agreed. “Very manly. You’re the Becks to my Posh.” Harry patted his cheek lightly and tried not to focus on how easily his hand fit over the side of Louis' face.
“That’s more like it,” Louis laughed. His cheek tingled at the warmth of Harry's touch.
Harry glanced at his watch suddenly. “Shoot, I’ve gotta run, I’ve got a study group I’ve gotta be at in fifteen minutes...”
“Study group? Mate, classes have only just started!” Louis said incredulously, fiddling with his t-shirt and hoping Harry wasn’t wondering why he wasn’t in class himself.
“Yeah well…it’s uh. Kinda geeky, I know, but my program, well, a bunch of us have a group that we kept going over the summer on Facebook, so we’re just getting together to, you know, kinda celebrate the start of term I guess?” Harry finished sheepishly.
“Mate, you are a proper brainbox. An ongoing study sesh in the summer? Are you mad?!”
“Heyyy, learning can be fun! Education! Really good…”
Louis stared at him in disbelief.
“Er, sometimes we brought beer?” Harry tried. Louis wanted to pat his adorable curly-haired head for how sweet and completely nerdy he was.
“Well that’s a good start, mate,” He answered instead. “To be fair, it’s pretty impressive how dedicated you are. Me? Can’t even be arsed to get to class most days.” Louis mentally slapped himself in the head. Why would he say that? “Erm, so what program are you in then?” He asked instead.
Harry looked at him with a soft smile, tilting his head slightly to the side. “It’s not that impressive, I promise. And uh, Biomedical Science, final year, what about you?”
“Wow, you are proper smart.” Louis shuffled uncomfortably. “Erm, I’m doing Economics and Political Science. Me Granddad’s a lawyer and always wanted me to be one too. Uh, in me final year as well but I uh, am a bit behind. In uh, credits that is. It’s taking me awhile to uh… not the best student I reckon," He stuttered. "The lads are always telling me I should try harder but what can you do. So uh, yeah,” He laughed lightly, trying to keep the mood casual but aware that his face was flushed with embarrassment.
“Hey, Louis, that’s okay. School can be a nightmare. I definitely don’t think you’re lazy,” Harry smiled kindly.
“You don’t even know me,” Louis answered softly, his voice hesitant. And you don’t want to, he added to himself. His head felt fuzzy, mind heavy and body sluggish. He realized he hadn’t yet taken his medication today and wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed and go back to sleep.
Harry’s velvety voice interrupted his thoughts. “You’re right. I don’t know you nearly as well as I’d like to. Yet. I reckon we should change that, though,” He continued, looking right at Louis before walking down the hall to the foyer and bending down to put on a pair of worn brown boots. Louis followed.
It took all of Louis' strength to muster up a cheeky response. “Well mate, you know where to find me.”
“I do,” Harry nodded, turning to open the door and glancing over his shoulder with a wicked smirk Louis was coming to know as his trademark. “See ya later Baby Spice,” he said, already giggling at his own joke as he headed out the door.
“Oi,” Louis muttered, smiling to himself as he closed the door behind him.
The minute Harry left the flat, Louis instantly felt heavier, as though his body were being weighed down with rocks. It took a lot of exertion trying to act normal in front of others when in reality he was so exhausted and empty inside. Most days, he just didn’t leave his room. While he was proud of himself for interacting with Harry, and perhaps even coming off as charmingly funny, he knew it was a joke. He knew he could never really keep up that appearance and with Harry around so often he would quickly see how useless and insignificant he really was.
And he would grow tired of him. Everyone did. It was too much. He was too much, he knew.
He thought about the last time he was stupid enough to let someone in and believe they actually cared. He remembered the memory clearly as if it had happened yesterday, instead of three years before. It still haunted his dreams. Louis pictured Wes’ face, hardened, distant, and sad.
“I can’t do this anymore Lou, I can’t—I can’t fix you. I just. I can’t take it. This is too fucked up. I can’t help you. I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s too much. You’re too much.”
He cut the memory off there, cringing and too exhausted to think anymore, and instead turned his attention towards the boxes neatly piled against the breakfast bar.
He walked over, peering at the neatly printed block lettering over each one. He looked at a large one with ‘BEDROOM’ scrawled across it and bent to pick it up, huffing at the weight of it but continuing to carry it down the hall and into Harry’s empty room. He carefully placed it on the floor beside the bed.
After making his second trip to Harry’s room with the other bedroom-designated box, Louis headed back to the kitchen for a drink. He was sloppily wiping his mouth after chugging down a bottle of water when he noticed a large bin bag, a piece of tape simply identifying it as ‘BED’. Louis peered inside and smiled softly to himself, running his hands over the fabric inside. For the third time, he headed into Harry’s room and gently pulled the bedding out of the bag, laying it across the empty bed and smoothing it out with his small hands. He didn’t know why but it was suddenly very important to him that Harry came back to a made bed. It was probably invasive and weirdly creepy but oddly, Louis found that he didn’t care. He pulled the rest of the sheets and pillowcases out and found two plump pillows at the bottom. He made the bed carefully, his hands tugging the corners of the bottom sheet with precision the way his mum had shown him. He smiled down at the fabric again, running the material through his fingers gently. This was exactly the bedding Louis would have expected Harry to have. It was just so…Harry. He knew that was ridiculous, as he had spent only an hour with the curly-haired boy but somehow, staring down at the crisp white floral duvet, the red and blue flowers painted soft and delicate across the spread, he just knew. This was Harry: sweet, soft, and vivid. He finished making the bed, carefully fluffing each pillow before heading back to his room. He was greeted by his own bedspread, the bleak grey suddenly looking sallow in comparison to Harry’s bright floral. He rummaged through his desk drawer and got into bed, two small blue pills clasped in hand. He swallowed them easily before pulling his duvet up and over his body, allowing himself to be swallowed up by the darkness.
...
Harry shuffled back into the flat, tripping slightly as he kicked his boots off. He looked up and was greeted by two male faces, one blonde, and the other brunette. Liam and Niall sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen chatting, a beer in each of their hands. They paused as Harry entered.
“Hey, man! You must be Harry. I’m Liam,” The brunette jumped off the stool and reached over to Harry, stretching out his hand.
“Nice to meet you, mate. The flat is sick. I’m uh, really looking forward to living here.”
“Yeah? Your other room musta been shit if this place looks sick,” The blonde-haired lad joked. “Niall, mate. Good to meet ya,” He gave a quick salute and grinned.
“A whole lot more space than my last one,” Harry answered with a laugh. “Louis gave me a tour earlier, it looks great to me.”
“Oh good, you met Lou? He was home today then?” Liam asked, going over to the fridge and peering inside. “Looks pretty bare, Ni, think we better order in tonight. Shop tomorrow I reckon, yeah?”
Niall grunted from the breakfast bar.
“Yeah, he showed me around a bit,” Harry answered. “I actually woke him up when I came in this afternoon and was unloading my stuff in here.”
Liam nodded. “Yeah mate, he tends to be a bit of day sleeper, always has been, ever since we met him.”
“Kinda keeps himself to himself,” Niall added. “He’s a good lad, though. Funny as shit when he wants to be, likes a good game of FIFA now and then. Pretty easy to live with, to be honest.”
Harry smiled, thinking of Louis’ sassy remarks and clear blue eyes. Beautiful but sad. Little hands and feet, and an incredible round bum that made Harry’s mouth water. He snapped back to reality.
“He’s uh, really lovely, yeah,” Harry answered honestly. “Is he uh, involved with anyone?” Subtle, Harry. Real subtle, he scolded himself internally.
Liam laughed knowingly. “Nah mate, not that we know of anyways. Haven't seen him with anyone since first year eh, Ni? Anyways, pretty quiet lad, like Niall said. Doesn’t go out much.”
Harry hummed, pointedly noticing Louis’ absence and wondering what he was doing in his room. He also silently cheered upon hearing Louis was interested in men and potentially single. Easy, Styles. He's your roommate. “Hey, I was going to cook dinner. Fajitas, if you lads are interested? Know you mentioned takeaway but they should taste decent,” He continued, setting down the bags of groceries he got on his way home from school.
“Oh man, you can cook? I love you already,” Niall exclaimed excitedly.
Liam chuckled. “We’re not the best cooks," He explained. "We eat a lot of instant mac and cheese and Dominos.”
“I like to cook." Harry smiled. "I worked in a bakery back home when I was in school.”
“That's ace, mate. I reckon you’ll fit in just fine around here,” Liam grinned.
Niall appeared beside Harry and handed him a freshly cracked open bottle of beer. “Cheers mate, welcome to the lad pad!” He grinned enthusiastically.
Liam rolled his eyes. "We don't actually refer to it as that..."
"I do," Niall answered hotly. "It's cool, makes us sound like proper blokes! Lad pad! Living the dream!"
Liam grimaced. "You sound like a tit."
The two continued to banter back and forth as Harry grinned and set about preparing the fajitas, heating the burner and slicing the raw chicken. They continued to chat as Harry cooked. Liam, he learned, was in grad school doing his masters of aerospace engineering, while Niall was in his first year of dentistry school. Already, Harry could tell this was going to be much different from his previous housing experience, both men seemingly very friendly and easy-going.
“What do you want to do with your degree after school, Harry?” Liam asked, chugging the last of his beer and getting up to get another round.
Niall scoffed. "Nobody likes that question, Payno. He's a bit of a mother hen this one," He added to Harry.
"Excuse me for being interested, Nialler."
"I don't mind," Harry smiled, turning from the counter and placing two plates of food on the bar for Niall and Liam.
“I'm not quite sure if I'm honest…I mean, I’ve always thought maybe med school? Kinda haven’t thought about it, though. Just picked science because it’s always been easy for me, I guess.”
Both boys immediately dug in, thanking Harry profusely.
“Cool man,” Liam replied, his mouth full. “You gonna dig in? It’s amazing. Love the sauce on this chicken, it’s ace. My compliments to the chef,” He winked.
“That's okay, mate. Glad you like it. I uh, was going to see if Louis wanted some?” He checked his watch and saw that it was almost 8 p.m. Surely Louis wasn’t asleep already. He put together a plate and wandered down the hall. He paused at his own door, noticing it was ajar. He pushed the door all the open with his free hand, flicking the light on as he went in. He stopped short in front of the bed, his whole face lighting up in a wide grin as he saw the immaculately made bed, his floral sheets greeting him warmly.
“Louis,” he said softly to himself.