Work Text:
You would think that after all he's been through, Simon would finally just give up and let himself die.
But he's dug himself back out of his shallow grave and let himself breathe instead.
That was a mistake.
One of the many he's made.
He should just start writing these down, honestly.
But this is the last time.
He means it.
He's finally going to let Ghost dig his grave five feet deeper and Simon will finally rest.
This is the last mistake he makes.
And it all started with a dumb scot, and his annoying accent, and his stupid fucking mohawk.
. . .
But Simon loves that mohawk.
Well...
Loved.
Past tense.
You can't love something that no longer exists, can you?
It's stupid to still love something that can no longer be loved.
It's stupid to love something that doesn't know you love it.
Past tense.
It's stupid to have loved something that didn't know you loved it.
Simon Riley loved that dumb scot.
Simon Riley loved that annoying accent.
Simon Riley loved that stupid fucking mohawk.
Past tense.
Isn't there a saying about "If you love something, let it go"?
That's a stupid saying.
How are you supposed to let something go when it was taken from you?
You aren't "letting it go".
Not willingly anyway.
You're being forced to let it go.
Just like how Simon Riley was forced to leave John MacTavish.
Simon didn't want to.
He was forced to.
He was forced to go to Scotland for the first time and return Johnny's dog tags to his family.
Simon was supposed to go to Scotland with Johnny.
They hadn't actually planned it.
But he was supposed to.
Simon was supposed to be greeted with smiles on faces and welcome greetings into his new family.
But, instead he was greeted with silence and glares.
Like he was the one who killed Johnny.
Just because Price assigned him two months off.
Just because Simon wouldn't let anyone else take Johnny's dog tags.
Just because Simon didn't want the MacTavish family to see anyone else at their front door.
Simon wanted the dog togs for himself.
But he knew that would be unreasonable.
He wasn't anything more then a coworker to Johnny.
He knew he barely had the "Friend" subtext under his name.
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Lieutenant
Coworker
Teammate
Friend
Simon didn't know why he was allowed to call Soap "Johnny".
Soap didn't even let his family call him that.
But he knew he was the only one who was allowed that permission.
Simon may of thought that Johnny was for him only out of pure feelings.
Maybe those feelings were more fear and intimidation then anything else.
Simon didn't come out of his room for weeks.
He didn't come out at all, actually.
Ghost was the one to open the door and greet the dark world with a scowl on his face.
It was a dark world.
The sun had been taken.
Johnny had been taken.
Ghost was waiting at Simons grave.
Waiting for Simon to come back.
Waiting for Simon to finally give up.
Ghost had dug up the shallow grave and made it ten feet deeper.
Just so Simon wouldn't even try to get out again.
Simon wouldn't get a coffin.
He'd get rough dirt and sharp rocks.
He would get no light.
He'd let himself suffocate in the dark.
He wouldn't express any emotions.
He wouldn't let himself feel again.
Ghost didn't let him.
Ghost wouldn't let him.
Present tense.
Ghost didn't Simon back out.
Simon didn't breathe again.
Johnny didn't
Why should someone like Simon Riley be allowed to?
Ghost didn't want Simon to show his face again.
So Simon would finally follow the rules.