Work Text:
I came back home to yet again an empty house.
I ate dinner. I bathed. I scrolled through my phone to check for any new messages. And then I collapsed onto the bed.
It’s just like any other day without them.
They come home a lot later. And by the time they slip into bed, I would’ve been sound asleep. Then I will wake up as if I have slept through the whole night alone.
It’s just been going on since… I don’t even know. I don't know when was the last time we both spoke to each other. I think it was a year ago before we started getting even busier.
Perhaps today… I will try to stay awake until they come home.
That proved to be hard to do, because the next thing I knew was that the room was dark and it’s 2am. They were next to me, the sound of their soft breathing filled the air.
I didn’t manage to welcome them back with open arms, but it’s better late than never, right?
I shifted myself closer to their back, trying to get as close as possible but also not to wake them up. I rested my arm over their waist, and took in the scent of their shampoo. Their hair was still slightly wet from showering, but that’s not important right now.
“Welcome back.” I mumbled.
It’s hard to fight back the sleepiness that welled up in my eyes again. I just wanted to make this moment last longer. I was scared that if I closed my eyes even for just a second, they would be gone by then.
But my eyes betrayed me and I woke up to an empty space next to me, again.
I got off work slightly earlier today.
I drove to the supermarket to get some groceries. I picked the ingredients needed for their favourite dishes. I found myself feeling lighter today, perhaps it was because they said they can make it back for dinner today, or maybe it's because I was looking forward to just seeing them.
When I got home, I immediately got to work. They would be home soon, and I wanted to prepare everything so that they didn’t have to wait. But when I was cutting up the meat, I accidentally placed my finger too near to the knife, and you know what happened next. I quickly cleaned the blood away under running water, and took a bandaid to cover it up.
I still managed to finish everything in time, and now I just had to wait for them to come home.
Ten minutes passed. I berate myself for being impatient. Thirty minutes passed. I sat alone in the dark. An hour passed. The food was getting cold.
I covered the plates and went to take a shower first.
The house was still empty when I came out. I checked my phone for any new messages.
Sorry, there’s more work. Don’t wait for me.
I felt disappointed more than anything.
I tried eating first, but there was just this lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow and I really couldn’t bring myself to eat anything else. I wrapped the food in cling wrap and hoped that I could stomach them tomorrow instead.
I felt horrible. It’s like I was going to throw up. And tears wouldn’t stop rolling down. I don’t know why I was so upset. Because it wasn’t like this kind of situation had never happened before.
I miss you. I miss you even though we are literally living under the same roof.
My phone rang, and I flinched. My vision was so blurry it took me a couple of rubs before I could make out who the caller was.
I was called back for work because they were short of manpower. I didn’t hesitate and started changing.
I rather drown myself in my work than my own tears.
Another day passed, and to my surprise, the lights in our apartments were already switched on. I quickly got out of my shoes and yelled, “I’m home!”.
I was expecting a response, but it was quiet.
I stepped into the house and locked the door. Our bedroom door was left ajar, and I peeked inside the room.
They were sitting in front of the desk with her phone to her ear, and they looked annoyed. When they realised that I was looking at them, they dismissed the call and turned to me.
“Welcome back.” They said, smiling. And I couldn’t help but smile back too, of course.
I went forward and kissed them. It’s been way too long since I had the chance to, so I pressed on to their lips harder as I went on, but they pulled away first.
“Hey, I think tomorrow I won’t be coming back. I need to stay back.”
“Stay back? Stay back at your workplace?”
“Yeah. It’s okay. Not something I’ve never done before.”
“… what does that mean?”
“Exactly what it means. Anyways, I’ll call it a day now. I need to wake up early.”
I wanted to know more, but they seemed really tired, so I didn’t pry.
However, the implication that I actually slept through nights alone before, bugged me a little.
The next night rolled by, and now that I knew they weren’t coming back, I couldn’t sleep, even though I was still very much tired from work. But tomorrow was my day off, so I didn’t really care.
I tossed and turned for god knows how many times, before I sat up on the bed. I grabbed my phone to check if they had sent any messages, but there was nothing.
I sent a message first. A few minutes later I called them. But there were no responses at all. Maybe I am too much of a worry wart. They're a grown woman. They are more than capable of taking care of themself.
Would it be ridiculous if I showed up at their workplace?
“Is ▇▇▇▇ still busy?”
“Uh… not really. They’re kinda tipsy now. Who are you by the way?”
Tipsy?
“… Can I please see them?”
“Ok? Sure.”
The man took me inside the place, leading through corridors that lit up automatically, and opened the door to what I assumed was their personal office.
Inside the room, it reeked of alcohol. There was another man knocked out lying on the floor, and someone sleeping on the office chair with their legs on top of the table. At the side there was a coffee table that was crowded with bottles of alcohol, and on the small couch sat my girlfriend… leaning against some other woman’s shoulder.
I walked through the mess and bent down in front of them, peeling them off from their co-worker. I shook them lightly to try to wake them up.
“Who the fuck are you…?” The woman beside them slurred out, and it was then I also realised her hand rested right on top of theirs, and they were way too close for my liking.
I moved the other’s hand off and put a gap in between them.
“…? Why are you here…?” I turned my attention back to my lover.
“Let’s go home, okay?”
“Hey! They’re supposed to stay with me- I mean. Us! Tonight!”
I glared at the stranger, even though I very well knew that everyone else in this room was too drunk to read any cues.
I managed to drag them out of their workplace and strapped them into the seat in the car.
On the drive home, I couldn’t take my mind off on how the person was way too comfortable with the skinship. It’s probably because they were drunk, but then again, I felt uneasy.
We made it back to our apartment, and I laid them down on the bed. I didn’t want to sleep with the air smelling like alcohol, so I helped them change their top.
They had always been the quiet drunk type, and they don’t say a thing or protest even if someone pushed them around. So naturally I’m worried about how they’re treated before I get to their workplace.
I ran my fingers through their hair, as I fall into a slumber.
“Eh?”
I woke up to a confused person next to me.
“How did I get back…”
“I brought you back.”
“What? I did tell you I'm staying back, didn't I?”
“Yeah. But I just wanted to check on you. And your colleague said you were done with the work so…”
They started rubbing their temples. And then they got up from bed, though they kicked something because they were still wobbly from last night.
“Are you okay?”
They didn’t answer me. I followed them to the kitchen for some water. They then went back to our room and changed into another new set of clothes.
“Are you going back? I can give you a ride.”
“It’s fine.”
The door slammed when they went out. And just like that, they were gone again.
I felt like I did something wrong.
A heavy feeling sits on my chest throughout the whole day. I made breakfast for myself, but it tasted stale and I couldn’t swallow down the other half of the pancake. I tried reading a book, but I couldn’t get past a few sentences without thinking about how they looked in the morning. I switched on the television, and it was playing a scene about a couple arguing.
I decided to just tidy up the house next. The dust was collecting in places not frequented, like the shelf I took my book from. While I was cleaning it, I saw the photo frames of pictures we took together.
I grabbed one of them and blew away the dust. It’s a picture of just the two of us going to Phennyland, and we looked so happy in that picture. If I remember correctly, this happened when we were still in university, during our semester break.
I find myself tracing my fingers over their face in the photo. I missed seeing them smile like this.
It’s been four years since then. Am I still a valid part of their happiness?
It started getting hard to breathe, as tears dropped onto the picture frame.
l was having a moment but just then, my phone rang. I wiped away my tears hastily and sniffed, before picking the device up. I swallowed the lump in my throat when I realised that it was them.
“Hello?”
“I forgot the keys. Can you open the door for me?”
I went out and unlocked the door, and they were busy taking off their shoes. When they looked up at me, they paused.
“… are you okay?”
It was then I realised that my nose was probably still red from crying and I look like I got a bad cold.
I nodded my head and couldn’t help but step forward to give them a hug.
“I’m sorry. If I made you mad.”
They rubbed my back in circles. When they brought my face in their hands, they gave me a peck on my lips softly.
“I’m not mad. Don’t worry.”
They took my hand and led us back inside the house.
Everything feels okay, for now…
Wait, there was something I wanted to ask. Who was the woman that sat with them yesterday?
“Who was the lady with long ponytail hair and glasses?”
“Huh? Oh, you mean ▇▇▇▇ ?”
“You’re not close to her?”
“I guess I can consider her the closest colleague there.”
“… both of you were sitting a little too close yesterday.”
“Ah, I don’t remember anything.”
“… does she know that you’re taken?”
“Huh? Wait, are you trying to say that I’m cheating on you?”
“No… I just want to know more about your work relationships.”
They sighed heavily, and dropped their bag as it landed with a loud thud. Then they shut the bedroom door in my face.
No. No… I made them mad for real this time. I wanted to take back my words, but the door was locked and they yelled out saying they had more work to do.
It’s a Sunday, they should take a break. Their eyes were always tired whenever I saw them. I really didn’t want fatigue to catch up on them. After all, I remember how it felt when I overworked myself back then, and they took two days off to take care of me.
I didn’t know what to do. So I went back to the living room and tried watching the television again. I wasn’t really paying attention of course, and my mind drifted off to the day when I collapsed at work and they rushed over to pick me up, after the hospital made sure that I was well enough to be sent home.
I had never seen them so panicked before. I even came down with a fever afterwards and they kept rewetting the towel on my head and made me drink lots of water. Then when I drifted off to sleep while watching cat videos with them. They just stuck with me for the whole day, and I was convinced it was purely their presence that made me recover quicker than I expected.
I wanted that for today. Just to spend the day with them, doing nothing together.
I think about two hours passed, and it was close to evening. They came out of our room, and stood at the main door.
It seemed like they ordered food delivery. They took out one of the packages and handed it to me wordlessly. They then proceeded back into the room.
They tried closing the door but I stuck my foot in between.
“I’m sorry.. please don’t be mad…”
They gave me a look. And they just sat down on the chair and started opening their food package.
I guess they’re still angry. So I stayed mum again.
Night time fell, and we got in bed. I just stared at them as the light from their phone illuminated their face in the dark. They have a habit of using their phone in the dark, even though I always told them not to.
Today, I didn’t want to tell them to put it down. I just wanted to be near them.
I fumbled around under the sheets until I grabbed their hand. They didn’t shrug my hand off, so I took it as an Ok for me to get closer. I placed my head on their shoulder, and from their screen I caught a glimpse of their chat with someone else. I didn’t want to know the contents of it, because I fear that I will find something I didn’t want to see.
No. I trust them. As long as they’re here with me, that’s all I need.
“You’re the best thing that has happened to me.”
They had once said.
I wonder if that statement still holds some truth to this day.
Now you seem to be hiding some other truths, or am I overthinking it? Can you come and prove me wrong?
Since when did I lose sight of you, of us?
I stared at the ceiling as I lied in our bed. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep.
I didn’t even realise that they came back home until the room was dimly lit by the table light on the desk.
“…”
“I’m back.” They announced as they took off their coat.
I remained silent as they went to take a new set of clothes. When they came back from showering, they laid beside me.
I thought that out of the two of us, you were the one who was better at reading signs? Since when did we switched roles?
Or even worse, are you ignoring me on purpose?
“Where did you go?”
“Why?”
“I just want to know.”
“Where else could I be? I was at work.”
“…What did you do at work?”
“… Fine. I actually went to see Kanade today.”
Kanade? Our song composer in our music circle back then? I have yet to hear from her in ages.
“Why?”
“I went to get something with her.”
“You could’ve asked me.”
“You’re busy.”
“More like… you’re the busier one.”
I ended the conversation bitterly. I didn’t want to be so bothersome about their other relationships, but I really just wanted to spend time with them too. And I wasn’t aware that they still kept in contact with her.
And it’s true, isn’t it? They’d been so busy with work and hanging out with others they didn’t have time for me.
They looked guilty. I would’ve felt bad, but then again, I’m not in the wrong to be angry at them.
“I’ll be more free soon. Okay?”
That’s what you said the other day when I made dinner just for you. I’ll be free, you said, but you never showed up.
Tell me, what should I believe in anymore?
Please, I don’t want to be the worst thing that has happened to you, too.
They slipped their hands around my waist and pulled me back against them. And that’s all it took for me to melt right back into them.
I fall for your sweet nothings all the time. I should stop.
It was lunchtime, and I was having lunch with my colleagues. I don’t usually listen to what they have to say, it’s all just mindless gossip that I could care less about.
Though, today they were being exceptionally enthusiastic.
“Hey, so…. he proposed to me yesterday!”
“What?? Congratulations! Y’all are totally perfect together.”
“No fair… when is mine going to propose to me…”
“Cmon, aren’t you only with him for like a year? She’s been with him for 5 years!”
So five years is a good amount of time to gauge whether or not your partner is the one for a lifetime? Well, I’ve been with them for 6 years…
“When are you getting a boyfriend?”
They were talking to me now.
I simply smiled, and told them, “Never”.
It wasn’t like I’ve never thought about marrying them before.
I want to. I really want to. But I’ve never thought about asking because there was never a moment where it felt right for me to ask.
And I wasn’t sure how they thought about marriage. Perhaps to them, it’s just a status on paper. Then again, I was sure that if I wanted to marry someone, it had to be them.
It wouldn’t hurt to ask about it, right? I just wanted to know their thoughts.
After a few days of thinking, I asked them that very question.
“Marriage?” They repeated.
“Yeah… I’m just thinking about it.”
I’m listening to you. I’m waiting for any answer. I’m biting my nails.
But it’s been a minute, or maybe more, and you weren’t responding to me, or do I need to repeat myself once more?
Why are you not doing anything? Why are you not saying anything?
Am I not worth losing something for? Am I not worth risking something for?
Choose something, please. I got nothing to believe, unless you’re choosing me.
Their phone interrupted the thick silence. And while they answered the phone they started rummaging through the closet to find a new set of clothes to change into.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there soon.” They ended the call and was going to the bathroom to change.
Beep beep
There was a horn blaring from the ground level, and they rushed out of the bathroom and out the door in record time. And now they’re running down the corridor.
Six years ago, you made me understand what love is.
Six years later, you made me realise that love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.
You could’ve said something. Anything was better than leaving me behind with my own assumptions.
Because if I were you, I wouldn’t think about marrying me either.
-
“This whole art exhibition… wouldn’t be very profitable would it?”
“Who said that this was for the public?”
“Then why are you spending all of your time and effort and money on this?”
“Because she’s worth all the time and effort and money in the world.”
“Who is this ‘she’?”
“...My soon to be fiancée.”
“I apologise. You may want to find a different venue.”
“Kanade, it’s been a while. How’s the process of the song?”
“Yeah. Admittedly it was a bit hard for me, but I managed to come up with something…”
“Thank you. And Mizuki too.”
“Ena… are you okay though? You look exhausted.”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I just argued with Mafuyu a little. I’ll explain everything to her after this whole surprise ends."