Chapter Text
“Hey, if we don’t have a partner 10 years from now, how about we get married?” I peered over at the relaxed figure sitting beside me.
“H-huh? What do you mean?” Chris did a double-take, flustered out of his daze.
“You heard me. If neither of us have someone we can kissy-kiss 10 years from now, let’s just get hitched.” I continued to drawl, perhaps a bit too affected by the alcohol in my veins to think entirely straight.
“Why the sudden idea? Are you that pessimistic about your future love-life?” The boy chuckled, “We’re only 18, Y/N, we’ve still got plenty of time.”
“Well, I know that, but as a backup plan, you know? It’s always good to have a plan Z.” I smiled softly at him, shifting my gaze back up to the glistening stars that freckled the night sky. A distant beat coming from the house where the party was in full-swing could be heard from where we were seated, keeping us company whenever a comfortable silence frayed its way into our conversation.
“Sure, sure.” He quieted down as well.
We swung our legs in a synchronized movement, waiting for either one of us to bring up a new topic.
“Would you be okay with that?” I finally broke the silence again, voice meeker and more hopeful.
He barely turned his head, directing his attention towards me nonetheless as he watched from the corner of his eye, “I would.”
I smiled to myself, feeling some sort of relief pooling in my chest.
“We should get going, don’t you think? I think getting you tipsy at a party we weren’t directly invited to was enough of a feat for the night. Whaddya say?” Chris was already lifting himself off his lawn chair, watching me with expectant eyes and a hand awaiting to be grasped.
“Anything you want, chief.” I sighed, giving in and getting hoisted up by my best friend.
“Do you want to go back to your place or sleep over?” He asked, no malicious intent behind his words, only genuine concern for me and my family situation.
He knew everything about me, and so did I about him. He was more than familiar with how two-faced my parents were and how unbearable my siblings were. He just wished I could live with him always.
“Home.” I murmured between yawns.
“My dorm it is, then.” He helped in snaking my arm around his shoulders, and slid his own around my waist, making sure I wouldn’t be slipping out of his grasp anytime soon.
After a walk that felt like centuries had passed, yet not being the slightest bit boring, we arrived at his doorstep. He allowed me to shift my weight onto my own two feet while he dug around his pockets for his dorm keys, and immediately took a hold of me once he had cracked the door open. Nudging it with his foot, he allowed us in and let me into his room.
I plopped down on his bed almost immediately, already too drowsy to function anymore, awaiting his help to tuck me into bed with closed eyes and a bobbing head.
He stopped to look at me for a couple of seconds, sighing and looking away after detecting the utter lack of will to do anything on my own. Chris circled the bed to have his back facing my own, allowing him to change with a clean conscience. Once he had gotten into his pajamas, he picked out his softest pair of shorts along with a large hoodie, and threw them my way.
She really ought to bring some essentials over at some point, she almost sleeps here more than at her own place.
Chris rubbed the nape of his neck half-defeatedly, confused as to why I hadn’t made myself much more comfortable yet.
“Hey, Y/N, snap out of it.” I felt a shake to my shoulder, slowly prying my eyes open.
“Hmm?”
“Get changed into these and call me when you’re done.” He was tired too, as it transpired through his words. Regardless, his tone remained gentle and caring.
“Mm-kay.” I grumbled, annoyed that he couldn’t help me himself.
“I may be your friend, but that doesn’t mean I’m your nanny. You need to do some things on your own, regardless of whether you’re sober or not.” He said that as if he could read my mind, which instantly made chills run down my spine.
“Fine, fine.” I pushed him off, swatting him away and out of the room with a grin tugging at the corner of my lips.
Once I had his bedroom to myself, I allowed my darkened gaze to linger on the door for a bit, curling up into myself to cradle my body. I felt limp, numb.
No matter how many times I acted on my own accord, they would pretend to be mad once I got home, get in a good yelling and ignore me for the rest of their lives. I didn’t matter to them, I was just the first of four kids they intended to discard if we wouldn’t prove to be useful. And I was being discarded, very much so.
Slowly, I willed myself to come to my senses, shuddering a little as the cold parquet flooring hit my bare feet. I slipped my clothes off, discarding them off to the side, not giving them a second glance. Instead, I looked at Chris’ hoodie and shorts with hope, rubbing at the fabric with my thumb. This felt authentic, warm. He was here, he would always be here. I buried my nose in the hoodie, getting enveloped in the smell of tangerines, firewood and his three-in-one shower gel he proudly waved around at me whenever the opportunity showed itself.
I sighed with a smile on my lips as I pulled the fabric over my head and slipped into the cotton shorts. “I’m all good,” I called out.
He peeked into the room, toothbrush still in his mouth and gargled something along the lines of ‘I’ll be right there’.
Chris disappeared behind the door once more and came back just as quickly to sink onto the bed beside me. He turned his torso towards me, and so did I, mirroring his actions subconsciously.
“Wha—“ his eyes widened a bit before he could finish his first word, “Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
I tilted my head to the side with a confused frown, “What do you mean?”
“You’re crying.” He reached out to catch a stray tear running down my cheek and ran his thumb up to my under-eye to wipe it dry.
“Oh.” I parted my lips slightly, creeping my own hands up my cheeks. With the sleeves of his hoodie, I gave them a forceful scrub, turning my skin raw. “It’s nothing.” I smiled.
He pursed his lips as he held back the need to scold me and instead elected to keep quiet, very well-aware of how unwilling to open up I got at times like these.
“Alright,” He spoke with reassurance, inching his body closer to mine, “Let’s just sleep now, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I exhaled, feeling as if the air was finally flowing in my lungs again.
Chris grabbed the blanket and pulled it back, allowing me to slip beneath it. I scooted to the very left side of the bed, dipping my arms under my pillow and relaxing against the mattress. He slid under the blanket in his turn, tugging at my arm to allow me to occupy my part of the bed entirely, without being curled up to the side.
“Good night.” He whispered as he cozied up with his back against my own.
“Good night.” I spoke with a touched smile.
Then, everything went quiet. The only sound that kept me from drowning in the pool of darkness that was now his room was the regular ticking of the old clock his grandfather had gifted him back in Australia. My eyes were now anything but willing to shut and allow me to get some sleep. Instead, as the alcohol slowly lost its effect in numbing my mind, it began racing again.
I was worried, I felt insecure about everything, nothing was stable or set in stone, except for the fact that I would die someday. I thought about my family, and the potential loss of them didn’t pain me much. At most, I would be concerned about my sister, with whom I’d somewhat been able to develop a normal relationship over the past couple of months. The rest of the lot didn’t matter, they never did and they never would. I thought about school, how I had a couple of close friends that I cared for, as they did for me, but I had a hard time seeing any of them remaining in my life in the long term, especially after we’d all graduate in a couple of months.
Then, I thought of Chris. Or Chan, as the kids called him here. He was the kindest and most genuine soul I had ever come across. He was never-endingly interested in finding out ways in which he could cheer me up or just be present and fought hard to have most of our classes in common as he knew I wasn’t fully fluent in Korean yet and was trying very hard to reach that point. Our relationship had always been very special: neither of us had any taboos when it came to friendship and we were comfortable being open about who we were at all times. Maybe that somewhat stemmed from our shared disregard for speaking with a filter on, preferring to be honest and forthcoming when it came to interacting with loved ones.
It reassured me so much every time I saw a twinkle in his eyes accompanied by his signature dimpled smile whenever we would be by ourselves, talking about anything that went through our minds, because that was when I knew I wasn’t the only one enjoying this friendship. He was too, and was more than happy to display it on his face, not that he could control it much either way. I saw how he loosened his stiff muscles when it was just the two of us, I saw how comfort filled his eyes when we spoke in English, away from any curious passersby, in the tranquility of each other’s company, and I saw how he excitedly accommodated me in any way he physically could when we were over at his place, regardless of the fact that I knew where everything was, his dorm not being very hard to navigate.
I thought that I could never be grateful enough for having such a fantastic person in my life, yet I tried to get as close to it as possible.
“Hey, Chan?”
He shot his head up, not used to hearing anything other than ‘Chris’ coming from my mouth when addressing him between just the two of us. Chris rolled onto his back and turned his head my way with intrigue lingering in his eyes.
“What’s up?” His voice was already gruff, as if I had just forcefully extracted him out of a 9 hour night of sleep.
“Thank you.”
He paused. From the way his eyes softened, I wondered if he understood exactly just how much more was implied in those two words; he truly was a boy sent by the stars. The clock ticked and he had yet to say anything.
Then, it happened. In the silent stillness of the night, he muttered back, “Thank you.”
He inched himself closer to me, gluing his chest to my back and binding me in his arms, securing his hands in front of my stomach.
I rolled my eyes and chuckled, entirely blown away by him and his perceptiveness. That was enough to render me speechless and put my mind at ease for the rest of the night, allowing for a night of fulfilling rest and comfortable snuggling for the both of us.
“Get up, sleepy-head.” I lightly grazed my hand over his shoulder, “It’s almost midday already.”
“Hmmmm…” Chris shook me off, burying his face under the covers.
“I’ve got a question,” It suddenly sprung to my mind as I gave up on dragging him out of his dormant state, wanting to feed into my own curiosity instead.
“Hm?”
“I’ll assume you asked what it is. Yesterday, when I told you about the marriage-in-ten-years thing, did you answer seriously?”
Suddenly, his body sprung up from the mattress, eyes blown wide open. “Huh? I thought you meant that as a joke, so I just went along with it. Plus, you were drunk, so it would be weird for me to assume that you were being 100% serious. Why? Did you actually mean it?” Chris put his chin in the crook of his palm, propping himself up as he looked for an answer on my face.
“I… I guess you make valid points. But yeah, I did mean it.” I pouted, a pensive expression overtaking my features.
“Oh. How come? Do you really have such low expectations for your future love-life?” He was frowning, having sat up completely and folded his legs in front of him by now.
“Well, not exactly? I just thought that if we weren’t to find anyone that would suit our taste by then, might as well just get together. After all, it’d make our daily lives easier. As for my love life… let’s just say it’s not what I’m most thrilled about.”
“Huh… Why’s that?” Now, he looked fully confused, trying hard to understand the last point I had made.
“I don’t believe it’s going to be much fun for my future love interest to have to meet my parents, find out and get used to the idea that they would be marrying the failure of the family, but then again I don’t know, to each their own, I guess.” I shrugged nonchalantly.
“Y/N… quit saying that about yourself. You have nothing to be insecure about, the fact that your parents don’t know your true value doesn’t say anything about who you are and what you’re worth. If your future… partner, choses to be just that because they love you, then it’s not your family’s opinions that would scare them away.”
“Yeah, but see, then I think and realize that it would be careless and selfish of me to drag a person I would supposedly love into my messy, ugly life. I don’t feel like they would deserve to see or go through that.” I squeezed my chin between my fingers.
“Again, if that person truly loves you, they’d want to see all of your sides, regardless of how ugly or messy. They wouldn’t love you just because of your qualities, otherwise that would be a superficial and unhappy relationship.” Chris frowned.
I paused for a bit at his words. Then, a crooked smile spread up my cheeks, “What do you know about relationships, Mr. Steal-Your-Girl?”
“Oi, quit it with that nickname, you know I don’t like it.” His cheeks flushed as fast as a volcanic eruption, “I don’t know much about romantic relationships, but I know enough about you for everything I said to apply.” He gave me a boyish, dimpled grin, now only his ears tainted red.
“You and your sweet words. At some point, you’ll need to teach me how you always say the right thing at the right moment, because I could really learn a thing or two.” I sighed, lazily lifting myself off the bed and heading towards the kitchen, still in his shorts and hoodie.
“But more seriously, do you really want to make that promise? You know better than anyone else that I make sure to uphold the pinky promises I’ve made, no matter how long ago.” He grinned widely, trailing behind me as he casually continued the conversation, trying to get a reaction out of me.
“As weird as this may sound, it doesn’t come off as scary. On the contrary, it’s pretty reassuring to know that I’d have you as my plan Z.” At that, I twirled around, holding up my pinky to him.
His eyes widened just a bit, not expecting me to be as blunt as I was, my words usually being mixed with a tad bit more sarcasm than this. I had stopped in front of him, not allowing Chris to take another step unless he wanted to bump into me.
“I hate that you have to be taller than me, especially in this kind of situation.” His ears brightened as he intertwined his smallest finger with my own.
“You can’t blame me, I’m sure you’ll get your long-awaited growth spurt at some point too!” I exclaimed with a strained chuckle, “So? Promise?”
“Don’t jinx it!” Chris whined. He looked at me for some time, with eyes a softness one could only dream of, sighing and shaking his head to finally give in, “Promise.”