Work Text:
I'm a ghost engineer for Vandelay Technologies (formerly Solutions). Ask me anything.
👤 SkimmingThePages 🕗 ???
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✩SkimmingThePages: I’ve been working for this corporation for around four years (going on five). I assist with robotic limbs, implants, and cosmetic design. If you’ve ever tuned in to 98.1 The EMAX, you’ve likely heard me giving talks on the music industry and playing the underrated musicians of the past and present. Currently hard at work with a secret project soon to be made public- ask me anything and everything about my career, my role in Vandelay, my experiences on the island, and my taste in music.
BotsAreHot404: Am I allowed to pursue the robots when I am on campus ? Can I get in on the sweet chassis smooching ?
↳✩ SkimmingThePages: Bro, they don't even let me kiss them.
sintaxmyaxe: are we allowed to ask details on your secret project i wnat to know!!!
↳✩SkimmingThePages: Due to my contract, I am not at liberty to discuss anything regarding the project that is not already made public. But I’ve heard there may be some things out there. Check for (wink) any leaks in the datastream.
ReceiveContactLens: I have to ask: is the food really any good? My mates say it’s overpriced but the reviews say it’s reasonable with all the research and development that went into it. Are the people saying the constructs have taste buds telling the truth?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: I think it’s pretty decent. The robots here are equipped to convert food into fuel and compost it for use in the flowerbeds. Roxanne thought it best to give them the ability to taste what they rely on, giving them an appreciation for the function. So the taste bud talk is true !
The dishes are prepared by trained professionals, documented by a culinary board of directors, written down as recipes and proceed to be fed into data modules to be replicated by automaton chefs. This way you will get a consistent, high-quality dining experience.
Now, does this justify the price point ? That’s debatable. What ingredients are used are dependent on the finance department and that is going to affect the taste if adjustments are not made to account for the changed variables.
That said… the cafes are always good since those are favored amongst the bosses. They never change those. If I was not in this field, I would have certainly vied for a barista position.
TL;DR Yes, the robots can taste. The food is good depending on how the budget sways. Go to the cafe if you can help it. That is definitely worth it. I hope you can stomach the blatant Vandelay branding on everything.
Perm&Conditions: Anything we should look out for in your schedule when you come on the air?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: Doing a segment about Bloc Party next week in honor of their new EP. Recommend checking it out if you liked their stuff on A Weekend in the City. I’m giving some love to SPIDER, Frances Grove, Crumb, bikini, and Jelani Aryeh this month as a part of my indie and alt aux series. Stay tuned !
DriveThruScr33n: Yo, you mentioned liking the cafe. What’s your regular order ?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: A blonde chai flat white, with a request for animal latte art.
Spoiler alert: it’s always a cat.
xxParkyMalarkeyxx: Best spot for birdwatching. Go.
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HiggBosongs: My guy saw that an engineer for the shitstorm that is Vandelay Technologies is willing to spill their guts and they want to look at birds. Only on this site.
↳✩SkimmingThePages: Why do you think I birdwatch ?
↳xxParkyMalarkeyxx: Why not ?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: All we get are pigeons.
↳xxParkyMalarkeyxx: You got a problem with pigeons ?
✩SkimmingThePages: Personally, no. I will not elaborate.
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↳✩SkimmingThePages: The center near the fishing pier.
StephenMcMicheals: How did you get into the company? Isn’t it notoriously hard for a human to get their foot in the door?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: Bold to assume I’m human.
↳I’m joking. But you are not incorrect. It is hard for people to join the Vandelay team since they prefer employees who are easily disposable and replaceable.
↳I was offered the job while I was still attending college. Academia is hard enough, but I was suffering with health issues at the time. It did not look like things were going well for me and I had an underlying dread that I would never be able to find something that provided ample income that also didn’t make me want to tear my hair out.
↳Vandelay recognized my skills and offered me a position, alongside fully covered surgery and prostheses. It would have been to stupid to refuse it.
↳ThankYou-Hex: Do you regret taking the offer at all?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: I quickly learned how foolish I was to even consider it. I’m locked into this company, for better or worse. Without a degree, I have no chance of getting a new job in this field. Experience counts for a lot, but it can only take me so far. I’m far too busy to continue my education, so that’s not something I can do as long as I work here.
Before anyone suggests breaching contract that is an option I’ve already considered. And with what I’m providing Kale I doubt doing so would get me booted.
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RoCKGoD: Wait. How did you get a station AND an engineering job? No way you do biomedical if it was an audio engineer degree.
↳✩SkimmingThePages: I pivoted majors. I realized the medical field was a safer bet. And I do have experience in the radio industry from school.
↳HeHeHeKitty: RoCK GoD is an idiot. You could have double-majored it.
↳✩SkimmingThePages: You said it, not me. I could have, but I was on borrowed time just trying to do one; and we see how that panned out.
↳zekethegeek: Bringing back what was said- does that mean they offered the radio host gig with the engineering job?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: Yes. They love consolidation.
Vandeheyyy: Is Kale as hot as they make him out to be?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: I am praying that you can hear my scoff through the screen. Honestly would enhance things if we were allowed the usage of a soundboard.
I guess I can say he is hot. Headed, that is.
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BuzzyBeeBusy: What does your job entail?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: I am responsible for new innovations in prosthetics and implants. I also design limbs and implants for specific clientele. Custom jobs ? That’s usually my jurisdiction. The majority of our stock is done by the previous R&D head before being sent off to the team that manufactures the machines used in mass production.
JesterBingBong: Is the no defects policy still in effect?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: As long as Rekka is a part of the company. It’s one thing to maintain. It’s a whole other deal if it’s a botched job. She makes sure no one knows about any major mistakes with violent enthusiasm. I can't fully blame her- we pride ourselves on the upmost quality.
KathyMechanism: What is this policy? How do you deal with defects?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: The defective parts are recalled and then recycled for more parts. Compensation is provided for new procedures, if they care enough about the client.
↳SpidersGeorg: Do they though?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: No.
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↳.;itslacey;.: I’ve never seen anyone get a redo.
↳✩SkimmingThePages: Probably never will. Our requirements are strict- most applicants are rejected and those who qualify are cherry-picked to be outstanding spokesman for the corporation.
↳crankthatfrank: youre not doing a great job of it, tbh
↳✩SkimmingThePages: They can’t fire me. Screw ‘em.
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boltrider: mimosa doesn’t either lmao !!!!
WandaSmiles: Favorite part of the island?
↳✩SkimmingThePages: The tram system. Did y'all know the displays are specially made for each area ? The recreational center has an adorable animation for the stop near the bookshop. Really outdid themselves with the sound design. Check out Roasts, Reads, and Records when you visit. Extremely slept on.
FixedGears: Are you single? I'm down to get coffee and crate dig.
↳✩SkimmingThePages: *single-handedly done with this AMA.
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