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the rain splattered heavy against the glass windows of the living room where the couple were hogging the couch, engrossed in a movie the younger one of the couple had seen one too many edits of. they were snacking on potato crisps and oreo cookies, washing the solids down with big gulps of coke.
changbin giggles as lino says to him, "call me by your name and i'll call you by mine" quoting the actor.
"hi binnie~" changbin teases as he pokes minho's nose. minho swats at his arm "yah!! don't do that". he fakes an angry expression at changbin, failing miserably at mocking anger when he can't help but laugh at changbin's antics, booping him again.
lino picks up the fairly big bottle of coke, opens the cap and holds the bottle over changbin's head.
"i will not hesitate to dump this entire bottle of coke on your head seo changbin." he promises.
"and i will not hesitate to kiss you silly lee minho", changbin says as he pulls minho in for a lasting kiss after he carefully removes the bottle from lino's hand and sets it down the table, the movie long forgotten yet providing the soft environment with background noises that accompany the couple's hushed whispers.
they kiss until they have to separate for a well-needed huff of air before going back in, kissing till the rain pours heavier outside.
changbin pulls away first, lino going after his lips and pouting when he wasn't granted what he wanted. changbin boops his nose again and laughs, he watches as minho picks up the coke bottle again and threateningly holds it over his head, sideways this time so the liquid was more likely to spill out.
changbin looks lino in the eye with a smirk before he grabs his wrist, attempting to lower the coke bottle or at the least get it away from his head. in the midst of it all, the beverage all but gushes down onto poor changbin's head, they stare at each other in a frenzy before an outraged expression takes over changbin's features.
he inhales and exhales, trying his best to keep his anger in. "oh my god binnie i'm so sorry," lino says, hands wavering as he didn't know what to do since almost the entire bottle had soaked changbin from head to toe.
changbin sighs, he walks over to the bathroom leaving a guilty minho, who hadn't a clue on what to do or say. he quickly snaps himself out of the thoughts starting to cloud his thoughts and vision.
he roughly wipes his eyes before getting to work.
he cleans off all the coke that spilled onto the couch before he dares to walk over to the bathroom, a new set of clothes and a warm towel in hand. he hears the shower running, followed by grunts and groans along with curses.
minho sighs away the thoughts again and knocks on the door, he sighs yet again. "b-binnie.. i'm so so so incredibly sorry, i rea-really didn't mean to-" his voice trembles as he says, only to be interrupted when changbin says harshly, "the fuck do you want minho".
"i-i i brought a c-change of clothes an-and a towel," he says, trying to make his voice as steady as possible.
the sound of water from the shower head hitting the porcelain bathtub stops briefly as changbin opens the door and snatches the fabric away from minho, rushing to close the door as quickly as possible.
minho exhales through his nose and slides down the door, he buries his head into his folded knees and a steady stream of water runs down his cheeks.
not long after and changbin opens the door to the bathroom, minho almost falling to the ground if it weren't for changbin's legs holding him up. minho looks up at changbin with pleading eyes, the latter ones cold and unforgiving.
lino holds onto changbin's leg with both palms, "chang-changbin p-please don't leave, i'm s-so so sorry, i r-really didn't m-mean for it to sp-spill all over you" he sobs and latches onto changbin's leg with his entire body as changbin tries walking away. he tries flailing his leg to get minho off to no avail. "b-bin please i-i'm so-sorry".
changbin opens his mouth, and raises his voice, fed up and about to spit words he didn't mean. "get the fuck off minho! you're so fucking annoying i swear you're so. fucking. difficult. to be with, just fuck off!! leave me the fuck alone! i dont want your stupid fucking apologies or company or you for that matter, near me right now. get lost!!!"
he finally succeeds in kicking minho off of him. he grumpily walks over to their bedroom and shut the door harshly.
minho just stares, he stares and stares until he can't see, until he can't breathe. he rushes into the bathroom and suddenly, he was back in middle school, hurling over the toilet, emptying the bile and the little amounts of food he eats as his mother screams and kicks, so much is happening all at once and poor little minho is overwhelmed to the point he can't place what's happening anymore.
he retches until he can't, until his stomach is void of anything, until he sees blood mix in with the toilet water and horrid-smelling vomit.
minho's still hyperventilating, his breath shortening as he desperately tries inhaling both through his mouth and nose. he's soaked in vomit and sweat and mucus. he feels dizzy all over, so worn out as he breaks out in sobs.
gradually he calms down, laying limp against the cold tiled floor. his body calm yet his head screaming insults at him along the lines of useless, difficult, burden, cow, fatty, disgusting, good for nothing, and more. his head repeats changbin's words like a broken record, "annoying, difficult, difficult to be with, your stupid fucking apologies or company or you, get lost."
he sniffles, he repeats it in his head again,
changbin finds you annoying.
he thinks you're difficult, difficult to be with.
he thinks your apologies, your company is stupid.
he thinks you're stupid.
he doesn't want you, let alone needs you.
you're such a fucking burden.
he hates you.
he wishes you were dead.
everyone does.
his thoughts scream at him, he cries and wails, bordering screams, much like a child's but with so much hurt in his voice, it soaks him entirely, head to toe. he lasting depression finally eats him alive and all he can do is cry, reach out to the box hidden carefully beneath the sink, peel his clothes off and slash his thighs, covered in so many gashes and cuts and scrapes to the point untouched, unscarred skin was no longer visible.
he drags the sharp piece of metal along his thighs, making new cuts and reopening ones that weren't properly healed. when he can no longer hold onto the tiny blade due to his augmented trembling and drops the object, he rips and tears at his skin using his overgrown, yet neat-looking nails. he hits and punches himself desperately, trying to ebb away the caving feeling.
he promised he'll stop cutting. but he can't. it's a never-ending trap, it's an addiction worse than drugs and he can never stop.
he was startled into reality by a loud knock on the door "lino?" he hears changbin call out, "i heard something fall, you alright?" he says, hesitant.
did something fall? minho looks around to find the shower caddy had fallen off along with all the bottles on it creating another mess. "its fine, dropped a bottle" he says trying not to hiccup, using a voice as stable as possible.
"what are you doing in there?" changbin questions, his voice soft as if all the anger towards minho minutes, or maybe an hour ago had vanished.
"nothing-"
"nothing?"
"u-uh i uhm i mean.. uh.. showering! i'm showering! don't come in" minho says as if he weren't crying mere moments ago.
on the other side of the door, changbin narrows his eyes, he sighs, "min, i'm sorry for lashing out on you like that, i really didn't mean anything i said."
annoying.
difficult to be with.
stupid.
unwanted.
unloved.
minho sighs as well, "its whatever, i don't really care" he's still seated on the floor, blood from his thighs dripping onto the tiles drop by drop, some clotting near the cuts. vomit and tears have started to dry at the corner if minho's lips and all over his cheeks, his nose and cheeks red from all the crying, his lips bitten red.
the bathroom reeked of vomit, a metallic smell in the air as well. he hoped changbin couldn't smell anything, he hoped changbin didn't hear anything.
"can- can you open the door please? i want to apologize, properly"
"no- i'm showering! im naked! no"
changbin scoffs "like i haven't seen you naked before"
"i- still. no."
"min, baby, please!! i'm so sorry. and i want to show you how sorry i am."
"i'm not opening the door bin."
"but the shower isn't even running! you didn't even bring a change of clothes or- or a towel in there", he flails his arms out as if lino could see, he concludes "you're lying!"
minho gulps, he blinks up at the door, realizing quickly that because of the hysteria he was in, he had completely, utterly forgotten to lock the door. he groans and curses at himself in his head 'i swear this only happens in the movies, fuck!'
"what was that lino?"
"nothing"
"ok well, i tried not to but i'm coming in" minho watches as the handle turns and the door opens, enough to poke a hand through but not enough to see the entire bathroom. changbin smells the awful stench of vomit and cautiously creaks the door open more, only a little.
"wait! stop! no!!" minho screams, "no" his eyes fill up, he starts crying rather softly, shame and dread filling up his body inside and out, he must look so disgusting, a burden, an absolute freak. the sound gains changbin's attention and he opens the door with a woosh, only to find his baby on the floor, covered in vomit, blood, sweat, and tears.
his own eyes start to fill up with tears "baby- min-"
minho shuffles back as changbin walks forward.
"i know. i'm disgusting. i'm a freak show. leave me alone." he sobs.
"no love not at all- you're not any of those things- oh my lord, min. i'm so sorry"
"it's not your fault" "min please- i-i" changbin sobs and gasps, trying to breathe.
"go 'way" minho buries his face in between his knees.
"go away bin!" minho shouts, "don' want you to see me".
"min no-" changbin approaches minho slowly, "can i touch you? please?" "n-no! stop! stop! go back!" minho screams desperately.
"im not gonna hurt you baby, i promise"
"i-i know jus-"
changbin spreads his arms, indicating a hug. minho jumps into his arms, breaking out in sobs.
"its okay baby, you're okay." changbin attempts to comfort him.
many praises, many words of reassurance, and many many tears later, lino had calmed down, still sniffling ever so softly.
"let's get you cleaned up hmm?" changbin tries standing the both of them up and minho clings onto him. " 'm sorry" minho whispers "no baby, i am. i shouldn't have lashed out on you like that, i'm so sorry"
"no i'm sorry! for spilling the coke on you" minho plays with the toggles on changbin's hoodie.
"i forgive you baby, forgave you a long time ago. i'm sorry for saying all that to you, i-i was caught up with my anger an-and didn't really know what i was saying and didn't think of how much it would hurt you at the moment but that doesn't excuse it, i'm really so, so sorry min."
"i forgive you too, jus' don't say it again please. really hurt my feelings"
changbin sighs in remorse, he knew minho would cry about this again, maybe have a breakdown too but the damage was done and he couldn't go back in time to stop himself from doing such a thing, he had to be there every time minho would overthink and had to comfort and reassure him the opposite of his self-destructive thoughts: the truth.
a warm bath, bandages and comfy clothes later, the couple were on their bed, continuing to watch the movie they left behind. changbin slowly fed minho bits and pieces of the remaining crisps alongside gimbap, made by the one and only changbin, it didnt look the best but it tasted wonderful. changbin had promised lino ice cream later on, the only food he could eat without feeling too much guilt.
the night went and the couple fell asleep, their limbs all tangled and lips red from far too many shared kisses. maybe minho's demolishing thoughts would return and maybe he would harm himself again, or maybe it would take a turn with changbin by his side, maybe he would get better and live happier, it was only a matter of time.