Work Text:
“Hey Peter?”
Peter looked down at the head in his lap, slightly concerned. Normally if Sam wanted his attention he’d just sort of smack him in the leg until he broke and asked him what the hell he wanted, or call him a profanity and laugh when Peter got exasperated.
Heck, sometimes he’d just roll over and blow air at him until he acknowledged his presence. He pretty much never used his name.
This might be serious.
“Mhmm?” he hums, playing it cool. No need to freak out just because Sam sounds kind of sincere for once. He’s sounded sincere plenty of times before and it was nothing to worry about.
“I’ve been thinking about some stuff, and I think we’re ready for the next step.”
Okay, yup. Peter is officially freaking out.
“The next- what?! I thought we just took that?!” Peter tries to sound calm but he’s pretty sure his voice is doing that weird sort of squeaking thing without his permission. The one that always makes Sam concerned, even though he makes fun of him for it after.
Sam spins a little more so he can look up into Peter’s face more easily, but he’s too lazy to really lift his head up out of his lap. He rolls his eyes then raises his eyebrows at him like he thinks Peter is the stupidest person he’s ever met.
“We officially moved in together like four months ago nerd. I think we’re ready.”
The word officially is what’s important here, and Peter is glad Sam at least acknowledges that he’d been sneakily moving in for a long time before that. How long Peter isn’t sure. The day he had realized was when he looked around his kitchen and found that he didn’t remember buying 90% of the things in there. Then he had looked down and realized that he was wearing one of Sam’s shirts that he had grabbed out of the closet by accident and it had suddenly hit him. Sam hadn’t slept at his own place in over a week. Sam was low key moving in.
Peter had freaked out about that step back then too before he had finally taken the plunge and suggested Sam sell his place. He’d had a very small, very quiet breakdown over it before that though. Well… MJ and Harry probably wouldn’t agree on the quiet part. Neither would the rest of his team for that matter. Or Iron Man, Hulk, Steven Strange, most of the New Warriors, The Fantastic Four, shamefully a handful of villains…
Okay, so he has trouble keeping his freakouts quiet.
This time he’ll be calm though. This time he’ll think through his words and hear Sam out and-
“I’m not ready for the cold shackles of marriage!” he blurts out, louder than he probably should have. They are definitely going to get more noise complaints after this.
Sam blinks up at him, and then he’s rolling over to muffle his laughter against Peter’s leg.
Peter frowns down at him, cursing his stupid mouth and Sam’s stupid… everything. He can wait this out.
About ten seconds later he’s poking Sam in the back of the head impatiently, until his cackles begin fading out into helpless little giggles.
“What the fuck, Parker? Shackles of marriage? You sound like you’re 80 years old,” he says fighting back giggles. “Shackles of marriage…”
“Shut up! I panicked,” Peter huffs, debating whether or not he should try to smother Sam against his thigh just to end this conversation.
He narrows his eyes, tugging at Sam’s hair to get him to turn over enough so that he can see his smug face again, and Sam rolls with it without hesitation, grinning up at him like the utterly unbearable little shit he is.
God Peter loves this asshole. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to…
“You have no right to laugh, you just asked me to marry you,” he accuses, pinching Sam’s side. “In the least romantic way possible I might add. I always kind of figured there might be flowers, a dinner, maybe an actual ring. Is this some kind of space tradition? Propose to your boyfriend in the worst way possible to see if he really loves you or something like that?”
Sam rolls his eyes at him and shakes his head in exasperation.
“Why do you think I meant marriage dumbass? All I said was the next step.” He smiles up at him, thin lipped and smug, the look he has when he thinks he’s bested Peter, especially in a prank.
“That… that’s just mean,” Peter huffs, actually feeling weirdly disappointed. Sure he had been freaking out but, well… a part of him wouldn’t really mind marrying Sam. At all.
“What? No hey, I didn’t know you’d think I meant marriage,” Sam protests, sitting up and spinning around so that he can scoot in closer to Peter. “Although, now that I think about it you’re kinda the sappiest nerd I’ve ever met. I don’t know why I’m surprised.”
Peter pouts. Sometimes Sam is literally the worst.
“What did you mean then?” he asks, feeling grumpy. Sam’s arms wrap around him, like he knows and is trying to make him feel better without having to stop being a dick. Peter weirdly appreciates it.
“A pet you dork. We should get a pet together,” he says, pressing his face against Peter’s shoulder. The nuzzling is probably just a way to soften him up to the idea, but even though Peter knows he’s weak, he promises himself he’s not going to be weak about this.
“A pet? Really Sam? We can’t have a pet, there are building rules and… okay yeah rules aren’t exactly my thing but…” Peter clamps his mouth shut, already feeling himself losing the argument before it’s begun. Maybe if he just doesn’t talk he’ll do better. After all, it’s his big mouth that gets him into most of these situations.
“What not even a fish? We could name it Iron Fish,” Sam says pleadingly.
Peter muffles his laughter in Sam’s hair, imagining the faces of their other teammates if they ever told them about their fish’s name. He has a feeling Danny would like that.
“I mean… a fish might not be so bad,” Peter says hesitantly. They’re easy to take care of, and at the very least they could get a pretty tank and make their place look a little less drab.
“Nah fish are boring. We should get a dog. Or a cat!” Sam says, making Peter groan.
“You suggested the fish!”
“Yeah, and now I’ve changed my mind,” Sam tells him, looking far too smug for his own good.
“How about a bunny?” Peter suggests, earning himself a glare and a smack. “Kidding! I was just kidding. You know I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“No bunnies,” Sam growls. “Other rodents maybe… like I wouldn’t mind a hamster or something?”
Peter thinks it over. Maybe a hamster wouldn’t be too terrible either.
“Oh I like that face,” Sam says, resting his hand on Peter’s thigh. “That’s an ‘I’m gonna let Sam have whatever he wants’ face.”
“No. It’s definitely not that face,” Peter sighs, unimpressed. He tries his best to ignore the little shivers that run through him when Sam starts to draw little circles on his leg.
“Aw come oooon. I bet Deathatron Barbie the Fourth would be the coolest hamster in the world.”
Peter blinks.
“Deatha what the what?!”
“You heard me. What were you gonna name it Hammy or something? Pets need cool names Peter,” Sam explains to him, as though he’s teaching a very dimwitted child. “Oh oh or we could call it Colossus Devourer of Worlds!”
“Oh my god. It’s coming straight at us! Call the police! Send the army! Somebody get me Spider-Man!” Peter cries out in mock horror, pointing at a spot on the floor where he imagines a phantom hamster ambling around on it’s tiny little legs.
“Exactly!” Sam says, missing the point on purpose. “The badass level immediately increases no matter what animal it is, as long as you give it a good name.” Sam nods knowledgeably, then gives Peter a look. “Wait hold on, why would they call Spider-Man? Like that wimp could beat Colossus Devourer of Worlds. Nova’s the guy to call.”
“To fight a hamster?” Peter says, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah sure. I guess he could probably beat a hamster.”
Sam huffs, and then a tiny smirk is the only warning he gets before Sam springs, jumping on top of Peter and pinning him to the couch. He wiggles so that his body covers Peter’s, warm and solid and presses himself down ever so slightly. Just enough to pique Peter’s interest.
“Well I can obviously take down a spider,” he says triumphantly.
Peter barks out a laugh.
“You really aren’t helping your case here Sparky. You sound like a pest control service.”
Sam grins, tracing a hand gently down Peter’s chest. “Nah. I have this one pest, and I can’t control him no matter how hard I try.”
Sam’s hand slides up under his shirt, inching it up higher and higher as he leans in to pepper kisses along the line of Peter’s neck.
“Oh I don’t know. You’re doing a pretty good job right now I’d say,” he breathes, shivering as Sam’s nails rake gently down his chest. He runs his fingers up into Sam’s hair, and eases him into a slow deep kiss.
Sam grins against his lips and rolls his hips down, pressing himself hard against the front of Peter’s jeans and making him groan. A lazy heat spreads through Peter’s stomach, all the way to the tips of his toes and he gasps quietly at the friction as Sam repeats the motion.
“Do that again,” Peter demands, following the bumps of Sam’s spine down to his lower back and pressing him down against him.
“Mmm see, never in control,” Sam says with a wicked smirk and another hard roll of his hips. There’s an answering hardness pressing against Peter’s erection with each slow deliberate roll though, so Sam can’t be too put out about it.
“Are we done talking about pets now?” he asks, his voice shaking ever so slightly.
Sam grins, tracing his lips along the line of Peter’s throat. “For now,” he concedes, and then gets to work on undoing Peter’s pants.
……….
It takes everything Sam has not to squeal when Peter walks in the door one day a week later holding a little wiggling ball of fur under his arm.
“Peter!”
“Sam,” his boyfriend nods, trying to act like there’s nothing different going on, but as always he’s failing pretty hard at keeping the dorky smile off of his face.
Sam wants to say something cool and suave and act unaffected, but then the fluffball under Peter’s arm looks right at him with it’s tiny little face and Sam just melts.
“Gimme! Gimme gimme!” He opens his arms and Peter laughs, handing the tiny thing over. Sam immediately sits crosslegged on the ground with her in his lap. “I can’t believe you took the next step,” he croons, taking the opportunity to give his new baby some good solid behind the ear scritches.
“Yeah well, I figured you’re right. We’re ready for this commitment. Plus she looked at me and I just couldn’t leave her in the shelter so…” Peter grins getting down on his knees to get in on the petting.
Sam can just imagine Peter checking out a shelter, swearing to himself he’s just there to look, to maybe possibly someday indulge Sam’s wishes, only to have his heart stolen by the little tiny critter on the floor in front of them. The mental image is so cute he feels like he needs to blow up a metor just to feel manly again.
Peter goes through the long list of shit he’s picked up to take care of her, telling Sam all about the process and how she’d won his heart with her cute little paws and fondness for kisses while Sam plays with her, laughing at how energetic she is.
“Now we just need a name,” he says, seeming almost regretful. “I think, no scratch that, I know I’m going to regret this but… got any ideas?”
Sam stares at her as she leaps a little, trying to get at his face for more kissing. God, she’s more needy than Peter, and that boy went for kisses every two seconds. Sam was going to be all kissed out in no time between the two of them.
“Catzilla,” Sam says, after a moment of intense thought, his lips turning up at the corners. Peter is gonna lose it and he can’t wait.
Peter blinks. He looks down at the little baby on the floor, and then back up at Sam’s face.
“Sam… she’s… she’s a yorkie.”
Sam grins at him widely.
“Yup. And?”
Peter groans, throwing his head back and burying his face in his hands.
“She’s a dog Sam! You can’t name her Catzilla!” he shouts, the sound muffled by his hands.
“Catzilla fits,” Sam says with a shrug, grinning as the puppy lets out a little bark and finally manages to jump up high enough to lick his face. “See?! She loves it.”
Sam grins, placing the little pup on Peter’s lap where she immediately starts wiggling and pawing at him for pets, licking every part of him she can reach. Peter groans again, petting her and shaking his head at Sam.
“Ughhh okay. Fine. I know you’ll just complain for weeks if I don’t give in so you win. But you’re officially not allowed to pick baby names. Ever,” Peter says begrudgingly, absolutely hating his life.
Sam’s grin get’s even wider, more predatory.
“Oh wow, talk about moving too fast. A baby Parker? Your aunt is going to freak out worse than you did the other day if we have the baby before we even get married.”
“I uh… I mean…” Peter blushes to the tips of his ears and Sam grins, rummaging around in one of the bags until he finds a ball to toss.
“I mean it’s cool with me but maybe we should wait a while. After all, Catzilla is just the start,” Sam says, grinning widely as he tosses the ball for their puppy to chase. “Someday we’ll have a whole army of dogs. Flaustin, Sir Barks a lot, Butchie, Terminator Jr, General Brown Spots…”
“Just how much money and space do you think we have?” Peter squeaks, looking a little bit ill.
Sam ignores him.
“Oh oh, we could get a cat too! Name him Nick Furry.”
Peter starts laughing, and the puppy starts to bark along until Peter scoops her up into his arms and snuggles her close. “You have a death wish,” he says seriously to Sam, giving him a quick kiss on the nose. “It’s been nice knowing you.”
The puppy wiggles out of his arms, taking off to check out the rest of her new home, and Sam grins watching her go.
“Whatever. When SHIELD takes me out you gotta promise you’ll take care of the dogs. And the baby,” Sam says, turning back to Peter and wiping faux tears from his eyes.
“You know I absolutely hate you right?” Peter says, crawling over onto his lap and pushing Sam back against the couch.
“Mhm I can see that,” he answers seriously, letting Peter capture his lips in a kiss. A kiss that he seems to be very unwilling to end if the hand tilting his head to a better angle and the tongue parting his lips are any indication. “You hate me so so much,” he says between kisses, smiling when Peter puts more of his weight on him and kisses him deeper to shut him up.
They’re just getting into it when suddenly there is a tiny ball of fluff jumping up to add another, less wanted tongue to the mix. Catzilla licks both of their faces until they break apart, laughing and wiping at their cheeks.
“This little monster is going to be the end of our sex life, you know that right?” Peter says, not actually upset at all.
“Yeah, but look at how adorable her little face is,” Sam says, holding her up and watching her wriggle in his hands.
Peter grins. “Well, I guess the only reason I kept you around was because you were kinda cute, and that’s been working out alright.”
Sam rolls his eyes in answer, thrusting Catzilla into his face so that she can slobber all over him.
“Ew, oh ew, you drool more than Sam! Stooop. Mercy!” Peter cries out, laughing as she gets almost every inch of his face.
“I can’t believe I picked you up. I practically already had a puppy,” Peter tells the little fuzzball once she’s back safely in Sam’s lap, rolling his eyes. “Look at how much of a baby your dad is Cat… ugh Catzilla.”
“Uh I don’t see you petting me loser,” Sam says, scooting over to lay his head on Peter’s lap. He nudges his head against his stomach until finally Peter sighs and starts to card his fingers through Sam’s hair.
Sam makes a happy noise as the puppy settles on his chest, shutting his eyes and waiting for the inevitable. Knowing Peter it wont take too long before-
“Can we please name her something else?” Peter asks after a moment, sounding pained just as Sam expected.
Sam looks up at him consideringly, letting his smile spell out all sorts of pain for Peter in the future.
“Only if I get to name the baby.”
Peter groans like a man condemned to death.
“You know I really truly hate you,” he says, before heaving a defeated sigh. “Fine. You win.”
Obviously Peter has the worst boyfriend in the world, but then again he can’t help but admit as he watches their new puppy fall asleep on Sam that he’s happy they took the next step. And someday, when they’re ready, he wouldn’t mind raising a baby with this loser either.
He’ll just make sure to talk to aunt May about helping Sam pick a name when the time comes.