Chapter Text
1987
“If you don’t finish your food I’m going to go over there and force you to, son.”
Kendall looked down at his unfinished plate. Steak. Again. He hated the squelching sound when he cut into it. So he stopped doing so.
“Quit staring at the damn steak.” Logan’s voice was raised and Caroline looked over at him in disdain but did nothing to stop him. She moved her eyes to Logan’s wine with a hand on her belly, wanting it, needing it, but Shiv was on the way.
Kendall’s hands shook as he lifted his fork up to his mouth. He tried to chew but the texture of the meat was not good and he gagged.
Logan stood up abruptly, causing Kendall to flinch, “Are you that fucking weak, son?” Kendall started to cry, he didn’t know how to hold it in yet. “You’re worse than your two year old brother. How’s that?”
Logan made his way to Kendall, gripping Kendall’s arm. Roman looked over worriedly and Kendall felt immense guilt for causing him distress too.
“Open your mouth.” Logan used his hand to move Kendall’s and brought the fork up into his mouth. Kendall started to cry violently once he swallowed the first bite. Logan kept feeding the disgusting pieces of meat to him. Kendall squirmed, bouncing his legs and trying to move his restricted arms.
“P-Please, p-please s-suh stop.”
The moment his words managed to leave his mouth, he wished he had kept quiet.
“You’re stuttering at me? At me? Fuck off. You embarrass me Kendall. Do you really think the press will like a weak, crying, stuttering son? Get over it, kiddo. You are not a fucking baby.” He slammed the fork on Kendall’s plate and promptly left the room.
Kendall gripped the fabric of his pants to stop his hands and legs from moving.
Caroline pretended to be focused on Roman, she looked at up Kendall for just a second, his eyes begging for comfort, and she exited the room with Roman, leaving Kendall alone.
The room was too large for him, and the paintings hung up on the walls meant absolutely nothing.
2 years into school and Kendall already knows it isn’t really his thing.
He’s truly okay in his classes, but his father scolds him over his performance regardless. He can’t really make any friends. Sure, he’s friendly to people and they are usually friendly back but it seems they have better things to do. It’s probably his stutter. Kendall makes that conclusion and spends his time reading alone.
He’s currently reading The Outsiders. He has no clue what anything means.
A boy Stewy appears next to him. Kendall knows Stewy. He knows everyone in his class. But people don’t really tend to pay attention to him. Or know who he is outside the last name Roy. So. He keeps reading.
Stewy contorts his body in order to read the title of the book, “The Outsiders…” he makes an interested noise and an exaggerated confused expression Kendall cannot see, “Dude, that seems deep, I hope we’re not reading this in class.”
Stewy expects Kendall to put the book down and talk to him, but no, he is still entranced, “We w-won’t, m-my d-dad w-wants me t-to be the best r-r-reader in class, this is a j-junior high l-l-level book.”
Realization hits Stewy, this is that intense Roy kid with a stutter that everyone talks about. He doesn’t quite like what they say about him behind his back, but he still has a similar fascination with Kendall that the mean kids have.
“Man, that is so lame.” Kendall finally looks up, Stewy feels weirdly accomplished by getting his attention. “I made some sick drawings, you should come see.”
“Oh, o-okay?”
And Kendall follows.
Mrs. Lainey is sweet. She’s the only thing Kendall likes about the speech therapy room anyway. She’s young. She can’t have been at Buckley for long. She’s also very pretty. He loves the praise he gets when he does well in his speech exercises. But he won’t admit that.
The room is usually a place for insecurity, though. Even the walk to the room is awful. His name gets called out in the middle of class and everyone looks at him. Knowing something’s wrong with him. Knowing that he’s leaving class to get fixed.
He gets frustrated in speech therapy often. He didn’t at first. He had wanted to be well mannered, but the more he screwed up the more he heard his father yelling at him. He couldn’t bear it anymore.
Most sessions ended with him crying. Not talking. Or both.
And Mrs. Lainey was still nice to Kendall every time. It made him feel awful. Guilty.
This time is the worst. It’s the end of the quarter, which means his parents are here.
And he still gets his name called out in front of everyone.
He feels unbearably anxious. He really shouldn’t. He’s 7. But he does. He hasn’t made much progress since the beginning of the year. He feels as if there’s been zero progress, actually. Mrs. Lainey knows it, he knows it, and his father definitely knows it.
Oh god what if she brings up my behavior during the sessions oh my god no dad’s going to be pissed he might actually slap me right in front of her oh my god what if Stewy walks by I don’t want him to see and what if
They make it to the office. Logan and Caroline are already sitting in front of Mrs. Lainey’s desk. They don’t greet him. Kendall just sits down.
Mrs. Lainey makes her way around the chairs and to her desk, “Mr. and Mrs. Roy, thanks for being here.”
Logan grunts as a response. Face stern. Caroline stays quiet.
“So how ‘bout we just jump right into Kendall’s progress from these past couple of months?”
No comments.
She skims through he papers as she speaks, “Alright. Kendall’s quite the case, but I think he’s making big strides in terms of his speech and articulation. He’s trying very hard, maybe too hard, he pushes himself and he gets frustrated quite often, but you should be proud either way.”
“Hmph, proud.” is all Logan can say.
“Yeah, proud! I think with his determination, by the end of the year Kendall can be saying full sentences without stuttering.”
Logan still looks stern, “That’s great.”
“Oh, one thing I would like to bring up, though. I want Kendall to be the most comfortable he can be… and I’ve discussed this with his teachers as well… have you considered testing Kendall for autism? I find it can really help with accommodat—“
“Excuse me? What the hell are you insinuating here?” Logan’s yells are like growls. Kendall hates it.
“I-I’m— we here at Buckley just think Kendall might need more help. He’s quite timid and has trouble with social situations as well as—“
“Fuck off!” Logan turns to Kendall, who is almost hunched over in anxiety. “We’re leaving. And you can say goodbye to Mrs. whatever your name is, we’re getting you the best speech therapist in the damn country.”
1989
Kendall is nervous upon arrival. He’s never been to a friends house, let alone a house of someone as cool and collected as Stewy.
Stewy’s mom Cyra greets Kendall with a soft smile.
“Sadegh! You’re friend is here!” She calls out and Kendall wonders why he chooses to be called Stewy at school.
“It’s Kendall, right?”
Kendall tries looking behind her to see if Stewy’s coming, “Uh… Yes! K-Kendall. Roy.”
“Maman. Leave Kendall alone.” Stewy says with a smirk and pulls Kendall inside by the arm.
Stewy’s house is calm. But Kendall has no knowledge of calmness, really.
He pulls Kendall up to his room, rambling about all the cassettes and games he has and Kendall is already overwhelmed, even though he probably has more things at home. It’s just the pure cadence of how Stewy does things that overwhelms him, really. Nothing else.
Stewy’s room has way more personality than Logan would ever allow Kendall’s room to have. He has posters of the Beastie Boys, N.W.A, Blade Runner, and The Shining?
“Y-You’ve w-watched The S-Shining?” Kendall’s truly bamboozled.
“Yeah man! It’s so sick. And not scary at all. We should totally watch it.”
And Stewy keeps rambling about all the movies he’s seen and how none of them are as scary as everyone makes it seem and this and that and… Kendall is still completely entranced by Stewy and his room. It fascinates him. It really shouldn’t overwhelm him. It shouldn’t.
“I n-need to u-use the restroom. Where i-is it?”
Once Kendall talks Stewy can see the distress on his face. He points toward the bathroom but feels uneasy waiting in his room for Kendall.
Kendall doesn’t use the bathroom. He just kind of paces in there. Because everything too much and he has no clue what he’s doing and he doesn’t know how to say it.
Stewy finds him rocking back and forth on the floor. He almost calls out for his parents because he’d never seen anyone act like this and frankly, it scared him.
But Kendall notices Stewy there and immediately stops. They just stare at each other for a bit.
“Are you okay dude?”
“Ye—Yeah I-I’m fine, no worries.”
They stare at each other some more.
Stewy was going to press further but Kendall’s eyes looked like they were pleading him not to.
So he didn’t.
They walked back into Stewy’s room.
Stewy wasn’t talking. Kendall wasn’t talking.
Sharing Stewy’s cassette headphones, they listened to Looking Down The Barrel Of A Gun in silence.