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Kisses weren’t something Shen Qingqiu thought he’d like as much as he does now, having only kissed a girl once or twice in his previous life. It was a chaste and awkward kiss that he had pushed himself to do because his girlfriend had asked for one at the time, but it never sent sparks into his skin like all those trashy web novels he’d wasted time reading had said it would.
It wasn’t that she was ugly, or that her breath stunk in any way. Instead, she was complete the opposite; she was a beautiful woman whose lips were as soft as they looked and her smile was bright after they parted. It’s just that… He felt nothing from the kiss. He can still remember the sense of guilt after seeing her face, all giddy and blushing, knowing that he didn’t feel the same.
They broke up a long, long time ago.
After transmigrating and getting unexpectedly married, living a life he would have never thought he’d live, Shen Qingqiu realizes that the issue had been blatantly obvious from the start: He just hadn’t kissed the right person.
He never thought kissing Luo Binghe would feel so right, exhilaration pumping through his veins whenever their lips touched just like all those trashy web novels he’d wasted time reading had said it would. Just like that, but better in all ways. Whenever and in whichever ways they could share the love with such a simple action, Shen Qingqiu felt electrified in euphoria each and every time, a foreign but wholly welcomed feeling.
Their first few kisses had been rough and unsatisfactory, Luo Binghe’s pitiful technique needing more work than necessary, but Shen Qingqiu was a master of teaching first and foremost and he’d willingly help Luo Binghe through it for however long the man craved.
In private, he would lay with Binghe and guide him on how to hold his face properly, how to tilt the angle just right — no, no, you’re biting too much again! — and even when to begin using his tongue instead of just licking all over the place like a sloppy dog. It was incredibly messy and when Binghe couldn’t stay patient, the kissing would become more than just small pecks and light, feathery touches.
He had hoped that the lessons would serve as some way to teach Binghe how to control his patience, but Luo Binghe has always been impatient when it comes to love, giving Shen Qingqiu more warmth than he can ever come by anywhere else. Thankfully, with time, Luo Binghe does get better, impressively so. Just under a week, he’s already so good at making Shen Qingqiu’s resolve waver, his legs a watery substance unable to hold themselves up. It can even be said that he can rival the original Good’s kissing skills at this point — not that he wants to happily remember that weird shitshow part of his life! But it’s possible!
Luo Binghe would securely wrap his arms around Shen Qingqiu, eagerly slotting their lips together and reveling in the way they fit so perfectly together like it was and always has been destined to be that way. He doesn’t rush with anything, not anymore, as he slowly built up the tension, nibbling teasingly at Shen Qingqiu’s bottom lip and waiting for the perfect chance to slip his tongue in. It’s a big improvement from before when Luo Binghe would smash their lips together, teeth clacking painfully and lips aching from the impact.
Sometimes, Shen Qingqiu finds he doesn’t always mind. Something he refuses to acknowledge.
“Husband,” Luo Binghe would whisper with reverence when they both pulled away for a breath, eyes twinkling with affection in the faint moonlight outside. He presses his whole front against Shen Qingqiu’s, always so eager to stay as close as possible to him.
It's unfair how beautiful he is up close like this, long lashes casting shadows over a sculpted cheek, tinted rosy from the hazy atmosphere. Shen Qingqiu brings a hand up to thread his fingers through a thick mane of luscious black hair, something most girls would die for. When he makes eye contact with deep scarlet eyes, never once leaving him for even a second, he doesn't hesitate as he surges back in, damning everything else to be forgotten.
On quiet days, Shen Qingqiu would be reading a trashy book in silence, sitting lazily at his desk. Luo Binghe would come back from the kitchen with a tray full of heavenly goods, placing them on the table before kneeling and gently taking slender hands in his, placing a soft kiss on his knuckles, instantly catching Shen Qingqiu’s attention.
He’d say something simple like, “Dinner is ready, Shizun.” or “Shizun seems distracted…”
Somehow, Shen Qingqiu always found himself forgetting about both the meal and the book during those moments.
It was always something new, something that occurred every day without fail. A gentle peck on his lips and cheek before the both of them left for anything urgent, a deliberate kiss on a fair knuckle, another soft kiss against Luo Binghe’s demonic sigil on his forehead during times when Luo Binghe felt most insecure, and especially so during their nightly activities, when Luo Binghe wanted to feel most connected to him. Even his feet weren’t spared during massages!
Every time it happens, and he refuses to say this aloud — Shen Qingqiu can’t help but want to sink into Luo Binghe and melt in his arms, turning all gooey and pliant and comfortable. Vulnerable. In the beginning, it was unbelievable. It still often is. It was so foreign to him that he accepted nearly everything given to him rigidly and with hesitance, uncertain of himself and on how to handle all the unexpected waves that crashed through him. All the chaste pecks and the constant forms of touch he was rarely exposed to back in his old life was something he had never properly expected himself to enjoy so much, didn’t even dare imagine.
Luo Binghe's love was one he wasn't used to at first, but with enough time, he learned to take it all in a stride as easily as everything else — he just may need some extra convincing for specific requests, is all.
Up till now, loving anyone else had felt like an obligation, something he had to do because so much others around him had done it. He truly did like his first girlfriend, he even contemplated if he loved her at one point during his crushing moments, but he was so young and naive at the time that it almost embarrasses him just thinking about his past self’s thought process. It just... Didn’t work out once it became true. Their relationship definitely had the potential had either of them tried again with more full effort, but he finds that it was probably for the best.
Loving Luo Binghe felt like hugging warmth on an especially cold evening, never being let go of. He clung to it desperately, grasping onto it with shivering hands and wrapping it around himself, shoulders relaxing in the security of it. Without it, he felt tingly, like his skin was static in a way that made it annoyingly difficult to move. Cold, hollow.
And one person shed that light upon him when he needed it, whenever he did.
If Luo Binghe ever got taken away from him, he doesn’t know what he’ll do, but he doesn't think it'd be a pretty time. For himself or for anyone else.
Shen Qingqiu sighs in his husband’s comfortable arms, finally indulging him after a while of being in public for so long.
“Shizun, your lips are so always soft.”
Using his thumb to trace Shen Qingqiu’s bottom lip once they were alone and safe in an inn during a mission, Luo Binghe leaned in close. Like every other time, Shen Qingqiu averts his gaze, too thin-faced for such situations no matter how often he encountered them.
Luo Binghe hums lowly, pleased, and the next words make Shen Qingqiu freeze like a broken clock, “This husband is truly lucky to be the first one Shizun has kissed before.”
Shen Qingqiu makes a cut-off motion, eyes slightly widening. He doesn’t look back even when Luo Binghe places a chaste peck on the same lips being traced, too busy panicking inside, and Binghe notices. He always does. Keen bastard.
The puzzle is quite easy to piece together, more so for Luo Binghe because of his god-tier problem-solving skills as the protagonist, but, oh, the look Luo Binghe gives him when he’s forced to slowly look back makes him nervous — for what? He doesn’t even have to panic; he didn’t do anything wrong! It’s all in the past already!
Luo Binghe is still gentle when he meets him in the eyes, but with evident suspicion that does not bode well for Shen Qingqiu’s poor old heart. He smiles with an edge of desperation in his expression like he wants to be proven wrong when he asks, usual formalities be damned, “Shizun, I am your first, right?”
Please… don’t ask him that!!!
Far too quickly, Shen Qingqiu responds with a bland reply, staring at the wall past him. “It was a long time ago. Binghe needn’t worry about it now.”
The lamp that was kept as their only source of light in the room momentarily flickers amidst the long, long silence, and Shen Qingqiu takes this chance to turn away and head to the bathroom, meaning to wash away the tension and mostly to avoid the stricken look in his husband’s face he knows he is weak to.
Of course, he should have expected it when Luo Binghe grabs his wrist, turning him so that they were facing each other once again, and the redness in Luo Binghe’s eyes indicates nothing but tears threatening to fall out. Ah, shit. There it is.
The guilt that strikes him renders his throat dry. In retrospect, he probably should have said it a better way because of course Binghe with his maiden heart was going to get seriously upset over this! He dug a hole for himself! He bit the inside of his cheek, not quite sure how to word anything just yet, brain working and struggling to think things through.
“Who was it?” Luo Binghe tugged him once again, pulling him into his arms while his voice wavered.
“Was it Liu Qingge? Qiu Haitang?” His eyebrows furrowed against each other, both his sigil and eyes beginning to dangerously glow in the darkness. His jealousy was flaring up and spreading faster than he could even blink, and just the first two suggestions made an electrical shock run through his body — just where did he get those two from?!
Then he asked something so utterly ridiculous coming from someone the world literally revolved around that even Shen Qingqiu almost internally died from the absurdity of it all, “Were they better than me?”
Out of everything else, that’s what he’s more concerned about?
Is he not aware that he could easily, with a single glance or charming smile, have women all over the realm beg for him at his feet to let them warm his bed? Is he insane? He’s insane.
Horrified, Shen Qingqiu hurriedly grabbed hold of his fan that he forgot was hanging at his side, whacking some sense into Luo Binghe’s clouded head. “Luo Binghe! What on earth are you talking about?”
“Did sense run loose out of your head? It’s none of those people and it was a long time ago, way before this master even met you!”
Luo Binghe could barely even feel pain from such a simple hit, but his eyes began to dangerously glisten, clear pearls peeking out from the corners. The unintentional jut of his lip made him come out to appear more pained and pitiful than anything else. Terrible. Just terrible. Shen Qingqiu lit a candle for his throbbing heart. Just where did he pick up such a jealous lover?
“But Shizun, your first kiss wasn’t even with me! I wanted to be your first everything, and you as my first everything. My first love, first kiss, first time—”
“Binghe!”
Shen Qingqiu slapped a hand over his blabbering mouth before he could continue any further than that, lips pinching into a thin line as he valiantly fought against the flush spreading to his entire face.
Oh, dear, now the tears were really going at it, streaming down fine cheeks like an overfilled cup and wetting Shen Qingqiu’s sleeve when he unconsciously brings his other hand up to wipe them away out of habit. He could feel it even as it slipped through his fingers and palm, tickling at his skin.
Instead of calming down, the gesture only seems to rile up Luo Binghe more than anything else, pitiful sobs beginning to spill out of his lips. Pushing past Shen Qingqiu's hand muffling him, he buries his face into Shen Qingqiu’s neck, tightly wrapping his arms around him and leaving no room for escape, as if Shen Qingqiu planned on escaping in the first place. The picture his husband painted reminded him an awful lot of a sad, beaten puppy, desperate for affection and comfort.
There was a wet sensation on his shoulder, and the reason why Luo Binghe was crying seemed so silly to Shen Qingqiu, who had nearly forgotten all about about the first girl he shared his first kiss with till now. So old and small, it's been years already! He’s sure the girl is already out in her world married with kids already, like she wanted.
Despite that, his resolve was cracking away like ice with with every tear he determinedly wiped away. It was simply impossible to stop the fond sigh from coming out of his mouth in the end.
Luo Binghe sniffled against his robe, voice cracking between the lines, “Shizun, don’t be mad… I know you wouldn’t ever be unfaithful and that Shizun must have had lovers long before this one came into his life, but it hurts, Shizun… I–I really can’t stand it.”
Goodness, Binghe, what is he to do with you?
Shen Qingqiu quietly hushes him, comforting his baby of a husband by embracing him and softly patting his head, fingers mindlessly playing with loose curls, always smooth to the touch.
“Enough of that, Binghe. Why are you crying? Silly child, this master isn’t mad.”
Gently, he urged Binghe to bring his head back up to face him after some time passed, completely ignoring the mess on his right shoulder when Luo Binghe obediently does as instructed. He trusts that his husband will just gladly wash it for him come the next morning.
Giving out quite the sight, Luo Binghe’s nose and eyes are red, the tears having calmed somewhat. Several strands of hair stick to his wet, flushed cheeks, and there’s a visible pout when he looks at Shen Qingqiu, still clearly upset. But at the very least, he seems to be managing better than before.
Just for a moment, he takes in Luo Binghe’s features.
Now isn’t the time… but as bad as it sounds, it truly is a wonder how one can look so pretty even while crying. Frankly, Shen Qingqiu is a little jealous! He swears he looked like a gremlin every time he cried in his previous life, eyes so puffy it made him look like he got stung by an especially angry bee. That… that was not fun.
Shen Qingqiu smiled softly at him, pushing hair away from his perfect face. There are a good few sniffles here and there, and Shen Qingqiu finds that he has an incredibly hard time remembering that this same face belongs to a fearsome demonic emperor who has conquered an entire realm, forcing countless beings to submit to his feet. This is supposed to be the same protagonist who married and bedded more wives and beauties than any other man that walked this earth, brutally slaughtered those who’ve wronged him.
But of course, the protagonist staring at him right now is no one else but his Binghe. His favorite. He was enough—more than he could ever ask for.
He gives it a moment or two till the other seemed attentive enough to pay attention, voice quiet and even, “It was a girl I was in a short relationship with from the past. You don’t know her, and this master even forgot about her till now.”
He lightly pats Luo Binghe’s cheek when he makes a certain face, rolling his eyes and forcing him to listen.
“She may have been this husband’s first kiss, but I felt nothing from it. I don’t even consider it a proper first kiss because it had been so underwhelming — which isn’t her fault, mind you — and it was only once. You have already taken that spot as a first for everything I’ve experienced, do you understand?”
He waits in silence until Luo Binghe slowly nods in understanding before chuckling, relaxing in his hold.
Luo Binghe’s expression is more unwinded, seemingly mollified from the assurance. Unfortunately for Shen Qingqiu, there’s still a pout on his lips and voice when he leans in and suddenly makes a quiet request, “Shizun, kiss me.”
It’s not forcefully demanding in any way, the pure hesitance in Luo Binghe’s eyes making it obvious enough to let him know that he didn’t have to do it he was being too much, that he’d drop it completely if he only just asked. It was frankly impressive how one could look so tall and imposing any other time yet looked so small and eager right before him in this very moment, looking at him as if he held the world in his hands. Desperate all for a small kiss. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t be any weaker for him.
Nice try, Binghe. Like hell he’s going to say no to that.
Shen Qingqiu blinks, amused, but indulges his husband anyway, coming in close and lightly pressing his lips against Luo Binghe’s eyelids, kissing the remaining tears away from both eyes. It’s difficult to see with such limited lighting, but he only has to rely on touch and memory to get by, and Luo Binghe is a map he’s already memorized by heart even with his eyes closed.
It might have not been exactly what he meant when he requested it, but a kiss is a kiss, and Luo Binghe shudders, closing his eyes as Shen Qingqiu’s lips lightly feather over warm skin.
Shen Qingqiu lands another deliberate kiss on the cheek, admiring the way their rosiness deepens, before moving onto the nose, the pulsing fiery sigil on the forehead next, and then the corners of Luo Binghe’s lips, where it’s aching to be touched the most. Although undoubtedly tortured, Luo Binghe stays perfectly still, patient, letting him do as he pleases as his heartbeat pounds against his chest hard enough for Shen Qingqiu to nearly feel it when he presses in close.
He’d like to jump into it as quickly as he can, only needing to make that final stop to enter paradise, but he moves over to Luo Binghe’s ear first, wanting to get something out of his chest.
“Binghe,” He whispers delicately into a pink-tinted ear, and Luo Binghe suppresses a full-body shiver, not saying anything to ruin such a private, intimate moment — and a rare one at that.
It takes Shen Qingqiu a while to build up the courage, not being the type to say this so openly unlike Luo Binghe, who says it at least a hundred times a day to him like he’d wither and die without sharing his fill. But when he does say it, he makes it clear that even said once, he means it with every fiber of his being.
“Know that I love you very much.”
There’s a gasp by his ear, sounding a little too much like “Shizun!” and Shen Qingqiu, unable to wait any longer himself, takes this chance to slot their lips together, pressing his tongue in and planning on showing his husband exactly just how much he means to him — how he means more to him than anything or anyone else he’s ever had.
———
They receive a noise complaint warning from a poor red-faced staff at their door the following morning, and Shen Qingqiu’s will to live continues to be tested.
Luo Binghe, however, seems far too smugly content as he pulls his husband back into bed with him, not wanting to separate with him just yet, if ever.