Work Text:
“How’s work been?” Ainosuke asks, taking a sip of his coffee. The pair of them are currently at their favorite cafe that’s down the street from Kaoru’s calligraphy shop. Ainosuke has insisted that they meet there at least once a week and Kaoru has always had a hard time refusing his friend, despite his best efforts. The two had met while in college and Kaoru couldn’t get the other man to leave him alone even if he wanted to.
“It’s been fine.” Kaoru lets out a content sigh after taking a sip of his own sugary drink. “Nothing too exciting to report.”
“Is that so?” Ainosuke raises one of his eyebrows and Kaoru knows from the expression on his friend’s face that he’s going to hate the next words that come out of Ainosuke’s mouth. “Probably not too exciting when all you do is work from home these days.”
“Did Akari tell you that?” Kaoru regrets ever introducing Ainosuke to his assistant. He should have known nothing good would have come of it with how nosy and invasive Ainosuke is.
“She did. When I texted her earlier this week, she said you haven’t been to the shop all week. Have you been sick?”
“I’m fine,” Kaoru replies and then immediately regrets it. The truth is, he is more than fine. He’s happier than he’s been in years. But he can’t say that. Maybe he should have lied and said he’s been sick. It would be better than telling Ainosuke the truth. “I’ve been working on commissions from home. I’m more comfortable there.”
“Without people?” Ainosuke looks at him, a concerned look in his eyes. Out of the two of them, Ainosuke has always been more extroverted and has never really understood Kaoru’s anxiety when it comes to people.
"You need to interact with people, Blossom," Ainosuke continues gently, placing a hand on top of Kaoru's. “I worry about you.”
“I’m fine,” Kaoru repeats. “Really. I interact with people plenty.”
“Your robot doesn’t count.”
Kaoru tenses at Ainosuke’s words, scared that he somehow has figured out his secret, but his friend continues before he can say more.
“Carla doesn’t count as people.”
Kaoru relaxes slightly at the mention of his AI before plastering on a scowl.
“Don’t disrespect Carla that way. She’s more of a person than half of the people in this cafe. I was the one who designed her, after all.”
Ainosuke chuckles before taking another sip. “I forget how modest you can be,” he says, tone dripping with sarcasm before becoming serious once more. “I really do worry about you, Kaoru. You need to be around people sometimes. Human people. You are welcome to come over and spend time with Tadashi and I whenever you’d like. I know he’d be happy to see you.”
“Thank you for the offer,” Kaoru says while forcing out a polite smile. “I’ll take you up on that sometime.”
“I’m sure you will,” Ainosuke replies and Kaoru knows he doesn’t believe him even for a second. “Now enough about you. Let me tell you about the newest Diet drama.”
Kaoru closes the front door and secures the four locks before slipping off his shoes. He pads into the kitchen to find Kojiro with his back turned, humming along to the radio playing some current pop hit. The artificial light shining from the window hits Kojiro just so, basking him in a warm glow that always gets his heart racing. When Kaoru clears his throat to get his attention, Kojiro jumps a little before turning away from the stove and finally noticing Kaoru’s presence. He gives Kaoru a blinding smile and saunters over towards him, wrapping his arms around Kaoru’s waist and pulling him in.
“Hey, princess. Welcome home.”
Kaoru loops his arms around Kojiro’s neck, gently tugging on the other man’s hair, and returns Kojiro’s smile.
“It’s good to be home.”
Kojiro’s smile somehow becomes even wider before his lips are pressed up against Kaoru’s in a soft, gentle kiss.
“It’s good to have you home,” Kojiro says, pulling away and resuming his cooking. “How is Ainosuke?”
“Oh, you know. Just as invasive as ever.” Kaoru makes himself comfortable on a kitchen stool and takes a sip of wine from the glass that is waiting for him on the counter.
“Sounds about right,” Kojiro agrees with a chuckle. They sit in a comfortable silence while Kojiro finishes preparing Kaoru’s lunch, delicately dishing the pasta onto the plate and finishing it off with some garnish. He sets the plate down in front of Kaoru with a kiss to the top of his head.
“Buon appetito,” Kojiro says with a grin. “I’m going to lay down for a bit.”
Kaoru nods back at him before digging into his food, suppressing a moan when the taste of the pasta hits his tongue. He scarfs down the rest of the food while Kojiro sheds his shirt and tosses it onto the couch before getting comfortable on the other side of the couch.
Kaoru lets out an annoyed huff. No amount of programming can keep the imbecile from learning how to properly tidy up after himself, it seems. He watches as Kojiro gently removes the panel on his chest and attaches the cord to the charging port, right next to the glowing circular core that powers his body, before he closes his eyes.
Kojiro watches the android of Kojiro as he falls still, apprehension deep in his gut, as he wonders for the millionth time if he made the right decision by creating him.
Kaoru startles awake, Kojiro’s name escaping his lips with a scream. He immediately feels a shift on the bed and he’s enveloped in two strong arms.
“Shh, it’s okay. I got you,” Kojiro says softly, squeezing Kaoru tighter.
Kaoru shakes his head a little, trying to rid himself of the memory the dream made him relive. A memory he can never escape from, no matter how much he’s tried. He buries himself into Kojiro further and feels strong hands soothingly rub his back.
“Bad dream?” Kojiro asks.
Kaoru nods in response, too scared of what his voice would sound like if he spoke aloud.
He tries to shake off the images that still haunt him, even nearly a decade later. The smile Kojiro threw at him when he told him he’d be right back. The look on Kojiro’s mom’s face when he opened the door. The bitter smell of the antiseptics in the hospital. Kojiro’s still body, battered and bruised, and barely recognizable with all the wires hanging off of him attached to nearby machines.
Kaoru wants to forget. But he can’t.
They had gotten together a month before Kojiro’s eighteenth birthday. They had officially started dating after years and years of them both pining after one another but both being too scared to say anything. It happened one day when Kojiro couldn’t keep it in anymore and finally blurted out, “Hey, can I kiss you?” The kiss led to their confession of feelings soon after and they decided to make it official right then and there.
They adjusted effortlessly to the new development in their relationship and it had been the best two weeks of Kaoru’s life. Being with Kojiro was better than Kaoru could ever imagine. He loved the feel of Kojiro’s lips pressed against his. His warm hands always touching Kaoru. Becoming even closer with his best friend and knowing that Kojiro was finally, finally his.
It was a Friday evening when it happened. When everything changed.
Kaoru’s parents were out of town and the plan was to have Kojiro spend the weekend with him, just the two of them. The evening started out innocently enough. Kojiro followed him home after school, the pair racing on their skateboards to see who could get there quicker.
Kojiro had won, even though Kaoru insisted he didn’t.
Kojiro made the two of them a quick dinner with ingredients they picked up on the way home and Kaoru thought, not for the first time, how lucky he was to be dating someone who was well on their way to becoming an incredible chef. His boyfriend had gotten a letter a few months back saying he had been accepted into a culinary program in Italy after they graduated. While Kaoru would miss him like crazy, he was insanely proud of Kojiro for following the dream he has had since they were kids.
After dinner, Kojiro suggested they watch a movie but Kaoru had other plans. Kaoru pulled him upstairs to his bedroom and they had sex for the first time that night.
It was everything Kaoru ever dreamed of, the feeling of being so close to Kojiro. To get to see him like no one else did. To get to be loved by him in a way Kaoru thought he never would get to have.
Afterwards, they laid there still catching their breaths with Kaoru’s head laying on Kojiro’s chest. Kojiro raked his hands through Kaoru’s damp hair, lazily massaging his scalp. After a few minutes, Kojiro broke the silence with a loud “Oh!” before he sat up and gently shoved Kaoru to the side. Kaoru grumbled in response as he watched his boyfriend practically fall out of the bed and scurry over to his backpack. Kojiro rummaged around for a minute before cursing loudly.
“What are you up to over there?” Kaoru asked, tone teasing.
Kojiro ignored him for a few more moments as he still frantically searched through his backpack before he let out a defeated sigh. “I have something I wanna give you but I think I forgot it at home.”
Kaoru rolled his eyes and scooted over in the bed, patting the spot Kojiro was just in. “We can go get it tomorrow. Now get back here.”
He watched as Kojiro chews on his lip, glancing between the bed and the clock on Kaoru’s nightstand that showed it was a little after eight.
“I’ll run home and grab it. I’ll only be gone a minute. It’s important.” Kojiro quickly grabbed his discarded clothes, throwing them on before glancing in the mirror hanging on Kaoru’s wall to smooth down his wild curly locks.
“It better be,” Kaoru replied with a dramatic sigh. “I’ll just be here waiting. All by myself.” He sighed again and heard Kojiro snort in response. His boyfriend finished pampering himself in front of the mirror and crossed the room to give Kaoru a kiss on his forehead.
“Be right back, princess,” Kojiro said with a wink before leaving the bedroom.
Kaoru was planning on just resting his eyes while Kojiro was gone. After all, his boyfriend conveniently lived just down the road, so he really should have only been gone a few minutes.
Kaoru must have dozed off longer than anticipated because he woke up to the sound of the doorbell ringing. Confusion swept through him for a moment before he realized that Kojiro must have accidentally locked the door behind him when leaving the house. He grumbled as he grabbed his clothes that Kojiro had all but torn off hours before and made his way down to the front door, which rang a few more times.
“It’s about time,” Kaoru said, annoyance clear in his voice as he opened the door. “What took you so-”
Kaoru pulled open the door to find Kojiro’s mom there. Standing alone with her eyes puffy and face covered in tears. His heart sank.
“Th-there was an accident,” Kojiro’s mom said, struggling to get the words out. “I d-don’t know how it happened. I got a call from the hospital.” Her voice broke at the word hospital and fresh tears fell from her eyes. “I know he’d w-want you there with him.”
Kaoru stood there in shock, just staring at Kojiro’s mom as she cried in the doorway.
An accident? How? Kojiro was just running home to grab something for Kaoru. A gift that Kojiro said couldn’t wait. And now…
The rest passed in a blur. The car ride to the hospital. Sitting in the waiting room, surrounded by Kojiro’s parents and all of his siblings.
They were told there was a car accident. That Kojiro was on his skateboard and a car ran a red light. And the injuries were bad.
After hours and hours of waiting, the doctor finally walked into the room looking exhausted. He gave Kojiro’s parents a tentative smile, trying to reassure them.
“He’s stable at the moment. He has extensive internal injuries and head trauma. He is asleep for now but should wake up within the next few days.”
Relief flooded through Kaoru. Kojiro was alive. He would be fine. He would wake up soon.
But then weeks pass. And then months. Then years. And Kojiro never wakes up.
Kaoru soon found out what the present that Kojiro was going to give him was. It was a necklace that Kojiro made out of his very first skateboard. The one that he had broken when they were nine years old and first learning how to skate. Kojiro had kept the broken board in his family’s garage, being the sentimental bastard that he was. He had cut out a small triangle piece of the dark blue deck and attached it to a brown rope to form a necklace.
When Kojiro’s dad had handed the necklace to Kaoru, Kojiro had been in the hospital for a week. He was told Kojiro had it clutched in his hand when the paramedics found him after the accident. If you looked close enough, you could still see some blood shining through the dark blue paint of the board.
Life continued on around him and Kaoru felt like a shell of his former self. Going through the motions year after year while Kojiro stayed in the hospital in a coma, never waking up.
And no matter how many times he wanted to get rid of that damn necklace, he couldn't.
In the beginning, he visited often, never wanting to leave the other boy’s side. But after a while, it became too much. To sit beside Kojiro’s still body day after day, hoping, praying to a God he didn’t even believe in, that Kojiro would come back to him.
But sometimes prayers are never answered. And you have to take things into your own hands.
Kaoru pursued technology after graduating high school and combined that passion with his love of calligraphy. He created Carla to help combat the loneliness he felt with each passing day that Kojiro didn’t wake up.
But soon even Carla wasn’t enough to fill the Kojiro shaped hole left in his heart.
So after a lot of trial and error, he created his own Kojiro.
When he designed the android, he did so by trying to imagine how Kojiro would look when he was older. How he would age if life wasn’t so cruel to someone who was always filled with so much life and love. Kojiro had mentioned once that he wanted to grow his hair out, so he gave his Kojiro longer hair that almost reached his shoulders. Kojiro also started working out before... so Kaoru wanted to give his Kojiro the muscles that the past Kojiro was working so hard to achieve. Sometimes Kaoru thinks he made him a little too muscular when he’s doing maintenance on him and has him unclothed. But then again, there is no such thing as too many muscles, right?
Perhaps his favorite part of Kojiro’s design is the sun tattoo that decorates his left shoulder. It’s a simple drawing of a tribal sun, a drawing that Kaoru had doodled one day in class that Kojiro fell in love with. He mentioned how it would make a great tattoo someday so it seemed fair to grant his Kojiro that wish.
It took a lot of work. Years of countless sleepless nights working on Kojiro’s coding and mechanics. Kaoru input as many memories as he could into Kojiro’s memory core. Starting with the memory of when they first met in kindergarten up until their teenage years. All the important moments that they shared together, Kaoru wanted this Kojiro to remember them all.
He debated on adding in their final two weeks together but ultimately decided against it. In the grand scheme of things, those two weeks where they were a couple were just a blip in the decade they have spent together. Not that their time together didn’t mean anything to Kaoru. It did. It meant everything.
But he doesn’t think he’d ever be able to share himself with someone like that again. To open himself up so completely and be so vulnerable with another person.
So he leaves out that part. And focuses on building his best friend that he has missed so much.
Kaoru performs upgrades on Kojiro weekly, constantly tweaking his code and inputting more and more data to improve him. To make him more life-like.
Kojiro follows him into the spare room, wearing only a pair of boxers and some socks. The room was originally set up to be a make-shift studio for Kaoru but lately it’s only used for working on Kojiro. He notices Kojiro eyeing a picture frame he put out the day before and feels himself smile at the memory.
“That picture is from your seventh birthday, remember? You ate so much cake you threw up and your mother got so mad.” Kaoru chuckles and looks back at Kojiro.
Kojiro grabs the picture frame and studies it for a minute. Kaoru watches as the other man’s eyebrows draw together in concentration before he finally smiles.
“Oh, right! How could I forget?” Kojiro chuckles before setting down the picture.
Kaoru’s heart aches at Kojiro’s words.
Very early on, Kaoru realized there was no way to include all of the memories that he and Kojiro have shared together when designing his Kojiro. There are way too many given their history. So he installed a failsafe, just in case. If Kaoru brought up a memory that wasn’t programmed into Kojiro, he simply agreed and went along with it, like he had just momentarily forgotten.
Somedays Kaoru isn’t sure what would be worse: Kojiro not remembering a memory they’ve shared together or automatically agreeing with no real emotion behind his eyes.
Kaoru does his best to keep his face blank as he watches Kojiro slide to the floor. He scoots closer to Kojiro, trying to ignore Kojiro’s sculpted abs or just how handsome Kojiro is up close like this.
Why did he have to make this version of Kojiro so attractive? To torture himself, apparently.
He designed the android to be his best friend. He wanted Kojiro’s companionship back. Someone he could laugh with and talk about his day with. Someone he could spend time with. And that’s exactly what he got. And so much more.
Over time, things changed. Kaoru became attached. Maybe a little too attached.
He fell in love with this Kojiro, just like he had with the one he knew as a teenager.
And he knew that after today, everything was going to change between them.
Kaoru slowly reaches towards Kojiro’s chest and pops open the plate that holds his core. Kojiro peers down at his hands curiously and then resumes looking at Kaoru, eyes full of… something. Kaoru carefully dislodges Kojiro’s core, extracting the circular object from his body, Kojiro’s body going stiff as he does. At the center of it lies a bright golden sun, one that Kaoru purposefully designed to emulate how he has always viewed Kojiro.
As a comforting warmth. As pure sunshine. As someone his whole world revolved around.
Kaoru grabs his tools and gets to work installing the newest update that he has spent countless hours designing the last few months.
It takes only an hour for Kaoru to finish it.
Kaoru hands shake slightly as he slowly reattaches Kojiro’s core, closes the chest plate, and rests back on his knees to take Kojiro in. He watches as Kojiro powers back on, blinking a few times, before his gaze lands back on Kaoru. A smile overtakes Kojiro’s face, one that Kaoru finds himself returning.
“Hey, princess,” Kojiro says softly. “I missed you.”
Kaoru’s heart aches at the words and he lets out a breathless laugh.
“Hi,” is all Kaoru manages to get out before he feels Kojiro cupping his face with his hands and pulling him in for a kiss.
Kaoru is in the living room working on a commission when his phone rings. Well, maybe not actively working on the piece seeing that he was staring at a shirtless Kojiro in the kitchens as he softly sang to himself while preparing Kaoru’s dinner.
Kaoru answers his phone without looking at it, still distracted by the sight of the other man. “Hello?”
“Look who finally answered my call!” the voice on the other end says.
Kaoru freezes and pulls his phone back to look at the caller ID. Hana Nanjo. Kojiro’s mother.
“Please don’t hang up,” she says before Kaoru can even think about doing so.
“I… I won’t,” Kaoru replies softly. “Hello, Hana.”
“How are you, Kaoru? We all miss you. Me and Sota and the girls. You were part of the family once. You still are.”
“I… miss you all too. Life has just been very busy.”
Kaoru stopped visiting the hospital a few years back when he first started designing his Kojiro. He didn’t want to face the guilt. Of looking at his best friend and knowing how selfish he was being.
“Look, we are all getting together soon to celebrate Kojiro’s birthday,” Hana continues. “He’ll be turning twenty eight this year. All of his siblings will be coming home. Please say you’ll come.”
“I’ll… try my best,” Kaoru finds himself saying.
“You should go see him, Kaoru. He’d want that.”
No, what he would want is to not be in a coma for a third of his life.
“Take care of yourself, Kaoru,” she says. “I hope we can see you soon. I love you.”
“Thank you, Hana. You too.” Kaoru disconnects the call quickly, sets down his phone, and lets out a sigh.
“Everything okay, baby?” Kojiro asks from the other room.
Kaoru faces Kojiro and forces out a smile.
“Everything’s fine.”
Kaoru keeps Kojiro hidden away from the rest of the world, hidden away inside Kaoru’s house like a dirty little secret. The android never leaves the house, programmed so he has no desire to go outside and to never question why he can’t.
Kaoru made sure he had all of his bases covered. Groceries are delivered and brought inside by Kaoru. Kojiro can’t answer the door if someone were to knock or ring the doorbell. Instead, his program makes him go still and silent, to give the impression that no one is home. Kaoru never had many visitors at his house to begin with so he doesn’t have to worry about house guests.
All of the windows in the house are covered so no one would be able to see Kojiro from the outside. The windows are covered with artificial light that reflects what time of day it is, to maintain some sense of normalcy in the house. His house has top of the line security that he designed with the help of Carla.
Life was good. Kaoru’s calligraphy shop was thriving, taking on more and more clients with each passing day. His artwork was gaining more notoriety around Japan and even in other parts of the world. His relationship with Ainosuke was stronger than ever, meeting with him at the coffee shop regularly. And he got to come home everyday to Kojiro. A man who he loved and who loved him right back.
Kaoru’s life was perfect.
Until it wasn't anymore.
Kaoru should have known something was wrong the second he unlocked the door and stepped through the threshold. He’s usually greeted with the mouth-watering smell of Kojiro’s cooking and today the scent was mysteriously missing.
He quickly takes off his shoes and walks farther into the house. He doesn’t have to walk far when he sees Kojiro’s body laying on the floor in the kitchen, twitching slightly.
He runs over to Kojiro in a panic, turning him over to see the other man’s wide-eyed stare and open mouth as Kaoru notices the twitching is even worse on Kojiro’s face.
Kojiro’s panicked look seems to soften a bit as he finally realizes Kaoru is before him.
“Carla! Run diagnostics! Now!” Kaoru yells.
“Yes, Master.”
Kaoru tries to ignore his shaking hands as he cups Kojiro’s face, opening one eyelid fully and then another to properly look at Kojiro’s pupils. Something definitely is not right.
Kojiro’s eyes continue to flutter as he forces out a lazy smile to Kaoru and pats one of his hands.
“It’s a-alright, K-Kaoru.”
“Carla! Now!” Kaoru yells again.
After a few seconds, he gets a response.
“I’m sorry, Master. There is a virus that is rooted itself into Kojiro's code that is causing his body to shut down. I am trying to stop it but it keeps regenerating.”
“Run diagnostics again! Do-do something, Carla!”
“Master, there is nothing else I can do. I’m truly sorry.”
Kaoru looks back down at Kojiro, frantically shaking his head. This can’t be happening.
It can’t be.
“No, no, no, no. No! Kojiro! You have to stay with me! I can’t lose you again!” Kaoru ignores the tears that are freely falling, instead forcing his hands to desperately search up and down Kojiro’s body for something.
He can fix this. He has to. He has to.
He begins to lift up Kojiro's shirt, to get to the panel in his chest, but is stopped by one of Kojiro's shaky hands on his arm.
“I l-love you, K-Kaoru. T-t-thank you f-for lovin-ng me.”
Kaoru watches as the light leaves Kojiro’s eyes. Minutes pass as he stares at Kojiro’s lifeless face, waiting for him to move again.
He doesn’t.
A week passes by in what feels like an instant. Life without Kojiro feels so cold. So empty. Meaningless.
He instructs Carla to postpone all of his upcoming appointments and to send out emails about commissions being delayed. He texts Ainosuke to cancel their weekly coffee date but says nothing more beyond that. His best friend’s concern is apparent through his texts but Kaoru does what he does best to comfort him. He lies.
Kaoru barely leaves his bed. He doesn’t shower. Only eats when he forces himself to when the pain from hunger becomes too much to bear. When he drags himself to the kitchen during these times, his eyes stay glued to where Kojiro’s lifeless body still slumped against the kitchen counter.
Kaoru can’t bring him to move him. Can’t bring himself to accept that Kojiro is truly gone.
It’s the beginning of the second week when Ainosuke shows up. Despite the advanced security installed in his house and the multiple locks on his front door, Ainosuke still manages to gently shake him awake one morning after his exhaustion had finally caught up to him.
Kaoru groggily opens his eyes that widen in panic as soon as he sees Ainosuke. His eyes dart from Ainosuke’s face to the doorway and then back again.
“It’s okay,” Ainosuke says gently, cupping the side of Kaoru’s face. “I moved him into your lab.”
Ainosuke gives him a comforting look but there is something else written on his face. Something like understanding. Like he knows. Like he knew this entire time what Kaoru has been up to.
Kaoru lets out a laugh that turns into a sob. Of course Ainosuke knew. He could never hide anything from other man, no matter how hard he’s tried over the years. He tries to speak but another sob wracks his body before he finds himself pulled into Ainosuke’s arms.
They stay like that for a while. Kaoru crying into Ainosuke’s neck and running a soothing hand up and down his back.
Kaoru should feel embarrassed, letting Ainosuke see him like this. But he can’t bring himself to care. He can’t bring himself to care about much of anything.
Ainosuke forces Kaoru to stay with him and Tadashi after that. Between the two of them, Kaoru is rarely left alone, something that he hates in the beginning. But as days pass, he begins to sincerely appreciate them for taking care of him when he’s at one of the lowest points of his life.
Tadashi retrieves everything he needs from his house. And eventually, with Kaoru’s permission, he removes Kojiro’s body from the house. Ainosuke tells him they have him stored somewhere just in case Kaoru wants to say goodbye, or try to fix him, and Kaoru has never been more grateful for his friend than he is in that very moment.
With their help, Kaoru slowly begins to find himself again. He starts showering regularly again and eating everyday. He starts working on commissions again. But he doesn’t return to his house.
He can’t. At least not yet. Not when it’s filled with all of the memories he’s shared with Kojiro.
So he stays with Ainosuke and Tadashi. And he slowly heals.
And then one day, months later, he gets a phone call.
It’s Kojiro’s mother. He knows he shouldn’t answer but something tells him, deep down, that he should.
“Hello?” Kaoru asks softly.
And then Hana says two words. Two words that change the course of Kaoru’s life yet again.
“He’s awake.”