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Gavi loved football more than anything else in the world. From the day he moved to La Masia academy he knew all he wanted to do was play for Barcelona's first team, and he did.
Now at 18 years old, he felt that he had already accomplished more than he could have ever dreamed of. It was still only the first month that he'd been on the first team, and he found adjusting to that lifestyle harder than he expected.
He was sort of forced out of his sheltered lifestyle with the boys he grew up with to getting an apartment in the streets of Barcelona. He missed staying up until one in the morning, giggling with his roommates about random rumors and stories they would make up about their coaches and teammates. Sometimes the loneliness got a little too much.
He would have called his parents back in Sevilla in an instant, but he had this shame they they would think he's still a child that never grew up. So when he finally laid in silence and had his own space all he realized he was left with were thoughts that never ceased until he fell asleep.
It was obvious to everyone at La Masia that Gavi was their starboy. He shined, he scored goals, he cared for his teammates and although he never talked much he showed endless affection with his emotions. Gavi wouldn't say that those years were easy at all, but they were some of the best of his life and he wished he would have appreciated it more before he grew up.
The cheers of the fans in Camp Nou were now just a soundtrack he played in his mind as a child come to life. Every game was a thousands levels harder than the previous and Gavi started to fear that he wouldn't be able to catch up to the seniority of his team. There were players like Lewandowski and Busquets who had already made their mark in the football world and Gavi only wished that he would become half of what they were.
He felt like he went from the best player on his team, to just average now. He had no problem shoving his head into the ball during a match, but the inner confidence was starting to float away.
One day, after a tough game where Barcelona lost, Gavi walked home, keeping to himself. He only lived 25 minutes from Camp Nou, so he didn't have to learn to drive yet anyways.
"Gavi," he heard a voice call out and he turned around to see his friend Pau. He had lived with him in La Masia for only two years but their bond was so close he wouldn't trade it for anything else.
"We don't really talk anymore, I miss you," Pau said bringing Gavi into a hug. "How is it being on the first team?"
Gavi just shrugged and gave a small smile. He wasn't even sure himself how he felt. Gavi always had wondered if they cared that he left and if he came back they'd welcome him the same.
"Are you okay?" Pau asked and Gavi was taken aback.
"Yeah... why wouldn't I be? It's everything that I've dreamed about." Gavi said forcing the same smile from before.
"Just wondering, text me if you ever need anything, okay?" Pau hugged him once more and walked out of Gavi's sight.
Gavi wanted to cry for no reason. He had so many regrets about his time in the academy but he also at the same time wanted to be 16 again, running down the hallways kicking a football at the walls.
Gavi remembered it all so vividly.
"Over here!" Pau yelled and ran down the hall. Gavi kicked the ball with all his strength it bounced off the walls multiple times and he laughed as he almost avoided knocking over the framed photos that lined the halls. Pau ran full speed at the ball the same time as Gavi and they ended up face up to the ceiling at the same time laughing.
They both had turned to each other, faces a few inches apart from each other and Gavi still remembers the comforting warmth from Pau's breaths. Pau had quickly gotten up and shook it off as nothing but Gavi remembers feeling something he couldn't quite grasp.
Once inside their room Pau had accidentally scraped off some of the paint trying to nail a photo into the wall. Gavi bought paint and snuck it into their room and as soon as he opened it he realized the shade was not even close. But they both painted it anyways, using five buckets of paint, covering the whole room so nobody would ever know. Now in La Masia there is a bright blue room being used by new students.
Gavi shook off those memories as they were in the past and continued the walk to his apartment. There is something about growing up that's so painful yet so beautiful. It opens a new chapter to life but also drags you down with responsibility.
There's also this innocence that exists, then you learn civility and it comes back around to get you.
The next day after Gavi's morning training, Pedri came up to him and asked if he wanted to hang out. Gavi enthusiastically agreed. They had hung out before on a few occasions but as Gavi had realized earlier, he had only been on the first team a month. Pedri was only there a couple years before, but he wasn't a Masia student so Gavi never knew him. He was from the Canary Islands.
"I'm just going to say it," Pedri said as soon as he got in the car with Gavi. "You seem a little lonely. I wanted to take you to one of my favorite places in this city."
"Oh," Gavi managed to get out. Pedri was so blunt but he honestly appreciated it. He wanted a friend. "Thanks."
"You were in La Masia right?" Pedri asked as he started the car driving along the calm but busy roads.
"Yeah," Gavi said.
"That seems like so much fun, you got to live without your parents and just play football at the most famous youth academy ever in Spain. I wished I did that, I stayed in Tenerife until I was literally your age."
Gavi honestly wanted to reach over and slap Pedri telling him that's nothing like what it is but he preferred to play nice.
"Yeah, it was lots of fun," Gavi said. There was one flaw that always came to his mind. The lack of affection. Sometimes when he wasn't feeling good all he did want was his mom or sister to hug him, watch his favorite movies or go out to dinner. He face timed a lot but it never quite was fulfilling. When his family would visit every holiday it was almost the same conversation. Gavi felt guilty for being so focused on football, he wished had done more in his youth, but it was worth it right? He was playing for the best team in Spain, possibly all of Europe.
"I found this lookout one day when I was just driving around aimlessly, and now it's one of my favorite spots to think."
"How do you do that?" Gavi asked.
"Do what?"
"Just think without it getting to you too much."
"I don't know," Pedri opened the door to let Gavi out and it was a breathtaking lookout. It was almost like a cliff but the city and beach across were visible in the distance.
The sun was beginning to set already as it was November. The autumn chill was perfect and Gavi walked closer to the edge and sat there peering down.
"Do you ever think about what would happen if you followed your fears all the way down?" Gavi motioned aimlessly to the city and earth below. Gavi doesn't even know why he said that, but sometimes there are words stuck in your throat and one day they spill out.
"I don't quite know what to say," Pedri said. "I don't think about that."
"Really? You've never thought about the end of things." Gavi stated.
"Gavi you're only 18, you really shouldn't."
Gavi shrugged again and he honestly couldn't remember when he started thinking that, but time just moves on so fast if feels as though time doesn't catchup. It races so far ahead it comes back around.
The sun hurt his feelings, the rocks were yelling at him to stay but Gavi realized in that moment he was in Pedri's presence and he was okay.
After that moment at the lookout, Gavi and Pedri became incredibly close, relying on each other for most things, spending time together everywhere and sharing secrets.
Time kept moving as always and Gavi became more dependent on Pedri. He was the missing piece to his puzzle.
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Several months later, Gavi received a call from the Spanish National Team Coach that he was called up for the Nations League games and he was thrilled. Immediately after scanning the rest of the lineup Gavi's smile dropped as he realized that Pedri was not listed along with him. He was his friend, one he could lean on when he didn't know what to do.
Gavi knew it was because Pedri was having injury problems, but he didn't even have to play. Gavi wished that Pedri could at least travel with the team but that wasn't the case.
Pedri met up with Gavi and drove him to the airport before he would board his flight to the Netherlands for the games.
"Shine my golden boy," Pedri said and hugged Gavi.
Gavi hugged him so tight back and waved as he went to his gate. He felt a pang in his heart he had never before in that moment. The same one he felt with Pau in La Masia.
Gavi physically placed his own hand over his heart and then just shook off the feeling. This was his moment, he could it.
So evidently after Spain won the semi final and was going to the finals in a few days, Gavi was thrilled. He went to the hotel room and called Pedri and his family.
"Gavi you're going to the final!" Pedri yelled through the phone.
"I wish you were here with me," Gavi whispered back. "Remember when we first hung out and you told me I seem lonely. Well that's me right now," Gavi chuckled a bit.
"You'll do great, I know it," Pedri said. "I've had fun relaxing in Tenerife with my family too,"
"I'll talk to you later, bye" Gavi said. After Pedri hung up, Gavi blew a kiss to his screen. He started doing it more recently and he thought maybe one day he'd have enough courage to show Pedri that affection in real life but not yet.
If he couldn't be with Pedri in that moment, wanting was enough.
The next 48 hours all passed by in a blur and before he knew it Gavi was in Madrid ready to take the stage for their celebration. Gavi was so excited to have one his first title Spain, not only making him the youngest, but also the first one for Spain in over a decade.
He stood on the stage, eyes scanning the crowd, secretly wishing Pedri was there, but he knew he was spending time back home so it was fine.
"How about Gavi says something now?"
His teammates playfully grabbed him and pushed him to the front placing the mic in his hand. Gavi didn't know what to say, the nerves were already all over him but as soon as he raised the mic to speak the crowd was throwing insults at him and he froze.
He felt like an open wound, bleeding all over while they went on and on.
"Fuck Barcelona, son of a bitch, piece of shit..." it all blended together and didn't drown out in Gavi's ears at all. He kept pausing to breathe after every word and eventually spit out whatever he could think of ending it with "Viva España".
All he could do was stand there, a timid teenager in the spotlight being bashed by thousands of people. He felt like since La Masia he was ahead of the curve, but the curve became a sphere. He fell behind all the team and ended up being the one on stage insulted. It felt that all the guilt was placed on him. He deserved it as much as everyone else, right?
He had won, so why did it feel like he hadn't?
After leaving the stage he didn't even bother to glance at anybody, not even his own team and went straight to the back and got in a taxi directing him to the airport.
In his head all he could think about was "why did nobody defend me, why didn't they come forward?" He knew Pedri would have. Gavi just wanted to get home as soon as possible.
He debated about calling his dad, mom or sister, but he still felt like he couldn't be a baby. He was forced to grow up fast, so crying over an insult to them would make him look weak. Every footballer gets hate... Gavi thought. Why does this feel any different?
Gavi arrived home to Barcelona and went to his bedroom and cried for the first time in a while.
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A few days later, after not speaking to Pedri because he was busy, Gavi got a text from him saying he's coming back home today. That made Gavi thrilled but he was also kind of mad nobody publicly supported him after what happened. Everyone moved on and made excuses, the media was firing up and Gavi was just so thankful that the season and national team games were done anyways.
Gavi paced around his door waiting for the knock and once he heard it he opened the door so hard, he's surprised it didn't fall off the hinges. He tackled Pedri down into a big hug and they were both on the floor, facing each other, breaths steady and lips close.
It gave Gavi flashbacks and he realized for once, just this once he wouldn't make any more regrets. Gavi closed the gap between them and surprisingly Pedri pulled away.
"Gavi, what the fuck?" Pedri quickly got up and backed up a little. "What was that?"
"I...I just..." Gavi honestly didn't know where that came from either but he needed it. The moment in Madrid had made him more upset than he had wanted to admit. He felt like he was a loser and Pedri being back would solve all those problems.
"Gavi, we're friends, I don't like you like that," Pedri still stood there unsure.
"Well if you were my friend you would have at least sent me a message, called me or defended me from what happened." Gavi shouted. "You could have come to the celebration, you could have been there and you didn't show! It's your team too for goodness sake! And then I'm left with all of the shit to carry on my shoulders. Nobody else got thrown a 'fuck you' or shameful comments did they?"
Gavi let out all the anger he had built up in him for a while. When he is mad, he knows his words shoot to kill but what else was there to do?
"Maybe you should learn to take care of yourself without my help then? Like from when before I knew you?" Pedri was more hurt than upset and he just turned around and slammed the door leaving Gavi in tears.
Gavi had a lot of regrets about what happened. How could everything go from perfect to disastrous in one minute.
Gavi needed a rebound. After his argument with Pedri he hadn't talked to him. Gavi was trying. He was trying so hard, so why were things not going his way. He had the golden boy award, a title with Spain, a title with Barcelona yet he didn't feel happy with himself.
So that's how Gavi found himself at a night club. He poured his heart out to a random stranger and didn't even pour the whiskey. He just wanted someone to know he was trying.
"It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you." Gavi texted Pedri from the dark club bathroom.
Was wanting enough, he asked himself again?
Pedri replied even though it was two in the morning.
"Gavi, are you okay? You're up so late."
"You are too. You didn't answer me though," Gavi texted back. "I want you."
"I'm coming to you, where are you, home?"
"No at the club."
"Send your location now."
Gavi waited about twenty minutes when he heard the bathroom door open and he peered around the corner and it was none other than Pedri. His Pedri.
"You came," Gavi said.
"You wanted me." Pedri gently caressed Gavi's cheek. "I was a dick and I'm sorry. I was upset to, that you still got to play and won. But I love you."
"I love you too," Gavi said tears now falling from his eyes. He had never cried in front of Pedri before. "Do you really mean it?"
"Yes, and I would say it a thousand times more, I was stupid, I didn't want to come to terms with it, but I'm right here, right now and I won't leave you anymore."
Pedri lifted Gavi up to his height and gently pressed his lips to Gavi's.
"You're always my winner, and I'll fight for you." They continued to make out, Gavi pressed against the wall.
"Continue this at my place, yeah?" Gavi said and both boys rushed out of the club into Pedri's car. They stumbled in the house and plopped on Gavi's bed.
"Can you actually just hold me tight?" Gavi asked.
"Sure," Pedri got down next to him and held him in his arms.
"Don't cry, I hate to see you cry."
"I'm sorry," Gavi said.
"Don't be, you look beautiful when you cry."
It was dark but Gavi knew Pedri could sense his smile. So good to him and so right.
Gavi wasn't quite sure if it was the growing pains of childhood or his own insecurity that caused him trouble, but being reliant on Pedri and dependent on him healed some part of him.
It didn't fix everything, but it fixed something and that was enough.
For him it was enough.