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Gina liked the sound of the cello. In the backseat of her mother's car, sitting by the empty chair in the airport, at the balcony of her childhood home. She even liked the sound of them in the middle of family arguments that forced her to pretend like everything was alright.
In the smell of every new school book, in the fresh air of every new classroom, every new door opened in an unknown apartment, every random face that paid her a nice compliment on how she danced. Gina Porter felt like the sound of the cello, known and stable as it was, was the thing she could count on. The only certain thing. She supposed that’s how she felt about dance, too. Or any form of art. No matter what happened, she would keep on dancing.
She had to always be the best at it, of course. And that did bring a sense of responsibility and driven force into the feeling. But dance was still all she had that was stable. What made her feel safe. Until a pair of brown eyes locked eyes with her at a record store, mouth slightly open and eyes wide. She wondered what that look was all about.
“Can I help you?”
“Sorry, it's just– You're Gina, right?”
“And you're…?” she frowns, not knowing how this conversation even started.
“Ricky. Ricky Bowen. I seat behind you in english,”
“Right, you're the kid that always shows up late and is always hanging out with that ginger.” she starts, with a tensed smile on her lips. “Big Red, is it?"
“You pay attention,” he lets out a laugh. “Um, there’s a vinyl behind you that I was trying to take a look at. And I've just never seen you outside of school, it took me off guard.”
Her eyes grow wide. “Are you scared of me, or something?”
“Nope.” he answers, like he could’ve seen that question coming. “Just curious.”
Gina was the one taken off guard, now. An immediate blush made its way to her cheek, and she wasn’t sure what to do with the feeling in her stomach as he gazed at her. She turned around to see what vinyl he was referring to (and to stop him from looking at her the way he was), and when she took a look at it, broke into laughter.
“You want to listen to ABBA?” she looks at him, a mocking expression on her face.
“What’s the problem with ABBA?” he says, trying to take the vinyl away from her hands.
“There’s nothing wrong with ABBA. You just don’t seem like the kind of guy who would listen to them, that’s all.” she lets go of the vinyl as his fingers lingered for a millisecond on her hands. She puts her arms to her side immediately.
“What kind of guy do I seem like, then?” he asks, and if Gina wasn’t so intrigued by the boy standing in front of her, she would think that he was just trying to flirt with her and would end the conversation there. She doesn’t have time for that.
“You seem like you would listen to something like Led Zeppelin. Or maybe Queen?” she says, putting a finger in her chin, pretending to give it some thought.
“I do listen to Led Zeppelin, actually.” he smiles at her, and a sense of pride washes through her because Huh, what do you know? I got him right. “This is for a friend. I don’t have a record player in my house, that’s way too expensive.”
“Oh. Well, your friend has good taste in music.” she says, and suddenly, for some reason, she has this urge to be polite to him — an urge she didn’t have with most people.
“She does.” he agrees. She? “I’m trying to do something nice for her, actually. I haven’t been the nicest.” he says, and Gina didn’t know why he was saying all of that. She didn’t even know this kid that well. But what really confused her, was the fact she wanted to know. She cared about whatever he had to say.
“We all make mistakes.” she offers, and why she was comforting this boy who she had only exchanged two words with the whole semester, she had no clue.
“Right.” he says, “Thanks.” and there it was again, that stupid smile. Why did him smiling at her make her so uneasy?
“Um, I should get going.” she grabs her pink backpack and the headsets that she had just bought, and starts to walk out the door when he called out her name.
“Yes?”
“I’ll see you at school?” Ricky asked, a hopeful look on his face. Truth is, Gina doesn’t do friends or dates. Who knows how long she’ll stay in Salt Lake, anyway? Staying clear of all that was what made the most sense. It was the smarter decision. But there was something about his eyes, his smile, and the look on his face that softened her entire being. She would regret it later.
“Sure. See you at school.”
“Hey.” a voice behind her says and it startles her so much, that when Gina turned around, she shoved her notebook in the person's shoulder.
“Ow! Why did you do that?!” Ricky lets out, massaging his arm where she’d hit him.
“You scared the hell out of me!” Gina says, still a bit shaken up. Why do I choose to hang out with him?
“Sorry,” he laughs. Oh, there’s the reason. “I just wanted to see if you wanted to hangout after school. My friend’s sister is dying to meet you.”
“Your friend's sister?”
“Yeah, Maddox. I talk about you when I’m with Jet sometimes, and she eavesdrops.”
“Why does she want to meet me?” she asks, ignoring the fact Ricky talked about her to his friends when she wasn’t around. If she thought about it too much, she’d turned it into something it wasn’t.
“Oh, she just thinks you’re cool. And you’re always with me at school and I guess she’s curious. You never hang out at Jet’s or Big Red’s house.”
“I have dance practice after school, you know that.” Gina walks around the hallway to her locker, Ricky following her. “But I always hang out with you guys at your house afterwards.”
“Oh I know, I’m not complaining. But today’s friday. You don’t have practice on fridays, right?”
“Right. Remembering my schedule quite well, aren’t you?” she teases, smirking as she closed her locker.
“Hey, I have a good memory. And, if I want to hang out with you I should definitely know your schedule.” he leans his head on her locker, smiling.
“You definitely should. So you’ll drive me to your friend's house after class?”
“Actually, we’re going to a concert. Pick you up at 5?”
“Oh, okay. Concert it is, then.” she works up a smile, even though she feels a rush of anxiety run through her. Gina never went to a concert before. And for some odd reason, this hangout felt like more than just hanging out with Ricky after class.
When they’d hang out after school, they’d usually go to his house to play board games with Big Red or Jet, and sometimes Ricky would go to her house when she was alone. Which happened pretty often, her mother was never home.
She would help him with his English homework and sometimes teach him to bake something just for fun. They would listen to Ricky’s favorite mixtapes and one time, she even felt relaxed enough to dance.
Ricky just watched her, in awe. She felt comfortable with Ricky. She didn’t feel like she had to be the best with him. Her dancing that time was definitely sloppy compared to her performances at the local theater. But Ricky didn’t seem to notice. In fact, he looked at her like she was the most wonderful thing he ever experienced.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she giggled, stopping in her tracks to look at him. She was breathless from all the dancing, but still intrigued.
“You’re beautiful, Gi.” Ricky breathed. Then he cleared his throat, trying to pull himself together. “You’re really talented, too! You should invite me to one of your dance performances things,”
Gina sat by his side at the sofa, catching her breath. She snatched the juice box that was on his hand, giving it a sip. “You’d really be interested in that?”
“Of course I would! You’re in it, so I’d definitely enjoy it. Plus, it’d give me a chance to see how artsy folks are like. Besides you.”
“They’re alright. Some of them are a bit too pretentious, I won’t lie. Some David Bowie wannabes, but others are genuinely talented and humbled.” Gina tried to think who Ricky would like that performs in the same act she does. “Ooh, there’s this kid named Jack who has a rad sense of style when it comes to clothes. You’d think he’s super sophisticated ‘cause he does ballet but I think you’d like his style—“
“What, am I not sophisticated?” Ricky pretended to be insulted.
“Ricky, you’re really not.” she let out a laugh, “But that’s okay. I like you just the way you are,” she smiled.
“I like you just the way you are, too.” Ricky said, soft brown eyes looking straight into hers.
Gina felt free that day. She was used to Ricky, now. She was used to the warm feeling and light he brought to her life. But his invite to the concert and meeting more of his friends felt different somehow.
Looking at herself in the mirror, with the little black dress she had picked up for the concert, she wondered if she looked nice enough. Wondered if Ricky’s friends would look nicer, or even if they would like her at all.
She put on some pink lipgloss, fixed up her hair, and grabbed a purple purse she found on her mother’s things. Inside it, there was a receipt of a pair of glasses her mom had bought, and Gina winced at the date on it. It had been the year her brother left. A little reminder that it was just her and her mom for the longest time, and she never thought that she’d ever stay at a place long enough to make a friend, let alone go to said friend to a concert. Gina decided there was nothing to be nervous about. It was just Ricky, after all.
When the doorbell rang, she rushed to the door with excitement. Ricky wore the same exact look he did when they bumped at each other in the record store, months ago. She grew to like that look. Especially when it was directed at her.
“Hi, Ricky. You good?” she breaks the silence once she noticed he seemed to be frozen in place. She found it amusing, to say the least.
“Hi, Gi! Sorry. You just look… really good.” he chuckles. She smiles at him, endeared. Taking him in. He wore a blue shirt and a pair of jeans. He also smelled incredible. And he probably made some extra effort in getting his hair ready today, because his curls seemed to be very defined.
“Well, you too. Your hair looks really nice, what did you do to it?” she says, reaching up to touch it, and she seemed to miss completely the way Ricky blushed at the contact.
“Oh, yeah. That. Jet tried to put some spray in it or something, he was really bored I guess.” he replies, and if Gina didn’t know him, she’d say he was acting shy. “So, shall we?” He shows his arm for her to grab, leading the way. She smiles at him, and this was weirdly starting to feel like a date. But she brushes the thought off. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
Meeting up with his friends, she was giving polite smiles and greetings to everyone when she caught a girl's eye that was looking her way for a while with a puzzled expression. The girl walked up to her as soon as Ricky went on to get Gina a bottle of water.
“You’re Gina, right? Nice to meet you! I’m Nina,” the girl - Nina - gets her hand up for Gina to shake, with a smile.
“Nice meeting you too!” she answers, shaking her hand. “For a second there I thought you were Maddox, Jet’s sister. Ricky says she wants to meet me or something.”
Nina laughs at that.
“Oh, Maddox is so obvious. Of course she wants to meet Ricky’s pretty girlfriend.” Gina’s heart skipped a bit at the word. How exactly was Ricky talking about her?
“Uh, girlfriend?”
“Oh, I mean a girl that is a friend. Sorry. Didn’t mean to insinuate anything, really.” Nina smiles nervously. And Gina didn’t understand why this interaction felt so awkward. Who was this girl?
When Ricky got back with Jet, Gina was sure now the girl with them was Maddox, because she ran towards her with a big smile on her face.
“Hey, Gina! I’m Maddox! Wow, that dress is really stellar.” she says, resting her arm on Nina’s shoulder. Nina rolls her eyes fondly.
“I feel like I should go get Ashlyn, if I’m being honest.” Nina adds, grabbing Maddox and taking her far away from Gina before she could even properly greet her back. Jet follows them, giving Ricky a look. Ricky just laughs in response.
“Sorry, I think Maddox is a bit tipsy,” he says. Gina smiles.
“No problem, your friends are nice.”
“I see you’ve met Nini.” He has a nickname for her?
“Yeah, uh, she seems really cool.”
“We used to date.” Ricky blurts out, shutting his eyes closed.
“Oh.” Gina says, unsure on how she was supposed to answer that. Ricky looks at her and sighs.
“That day at the record store, the vinyl was for her. I was trying to win her back I guess? I don’t know.”
“Ricky, why are you telling me this?” Gina asks, annoyed that this new information created in her an insecurity that was nonexistent before. She didn’t like that feeling.
“I decided to not go after her anymore that day. You were kind of the reason for that. She probably talked to you today out of curiosity, to be honest.” he laughs, not noticing Gina’s lack of interest in this specific subject.
“Is everyone just curious about me, now? Like you were?” Gina looks away from him, letting this newfound insecurity get to her. Ricky frowns at her.
“Come on, Gina. You know I wasn’t just curious,”
“What were you, then?” she lifts her eyes to confront him. They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, so many unsaid words floating between them. Then Gina hears Big Red scream from inside the venue.
“Guys, the show is about to start! We’re already pretty late, Ashlyn got us some sweet seats, though! Let's go!”
Ricky looks at her, a very intense expression planted on his face. Like he needed her to know something. Like he wasn’t going to leave without her knowing it. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”
“What?” she says, a frown on her features. “I thought we were supposed to go to the concert.”
“We aren’t supposed to do anything. I learned that a few months ago. Someone told me you should do what makes you happy,” he replies, and Gina knows he means her.
It was true, Gina had given him that exact advice one day. He was laying on her bed, watching as she cut some pictures out of a magazine to put on one of her fashion collages. They were talking about family, and how difficult things could be when it came to dealing with family.
“I get it. Sometimes I just want to scream out of frustration whenever my mom says we need to pack our bags and go somewhere else. It gets very tiring at one point, though.”
“Really? Because I still feel like screaming whenever my mom tries to shove Todd down my throat. Why does she act like it’s the easiest thing ever?”
“Maybe she just doesn’t see it from your perspective. Not saying she’s right, I would for sure be upset too,”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I just learned to avoid it and push through. Like, just do what makes you happy.” she glanced at him, a warm smile on her face. It was just so easy to talk to Ricky. He got her like no one else did. And she was starting to notice how Ricky wasn’t a difficult person to read, too.
“You know what makes me happy?”
“What?”
“Throwing these crumpled up pieces of paper on you,” he said quickly, while tossing them her way. She closed her eyes and grabbed a pillow to protect herself, followed by shoving the pillow right on his face.
“Gina, stop!” he said in between laughter.
She burst into a very loud laugh, one that seemed to be reserved for Ricky. “You started it!”
Gina shook her head, laughing slightly at the memory.
“That person sounds very wise,”
“She is. So, wanna get out of here?” he exclaims. Excited, somehow. “Where would we even go?” she answers, a smile now forming her lips. Ricky really did have a hold on her.
“Come on,” he says, grabbing her hand. They ran off, Gina just letting herself be pulled by Ricky. It was crazy, but she’d follow him anywhere.
After a couple moments sitting on the grass of a nearby park Ricky had found, Gina looked at the sky and tried to remember the last time looking at the stars felt so good, and not sad and reflective on something serious. She had forgotten what it was like to feel that way. So light that she could fly, or something. She could feel Ricky looking at her funny, so she turned her head his way.
“You seem to be deep in thought.” she chuckles. “Something you wanna say?”
“Yes, actually. I wanted to answer your question.”
“What question? I’m pretty sure we’ve been sitting in silence for a few minutes now,” she laughs.
“Back at the venue, I told you I wasn’t curious. You asked me what I was, instead.”
“We don’t have to talk about that, Ricky, it’s okay. I was being silly.”
“I was smitten.”
“What?” her voice comes out as a whisper, because she really didn’t know if she’d heard him right.
“I mean, you were the cute girl in front of me in class. I paid attention to you, too.” he looks at the ground, smiling. As if reminiscing. “You always wore either black or pink, and when you would branch out, you’d wear something like green or blue. You also do this thing in your notebook, where you draw tiny hearts at the end of each date. And it just always made me think that was an interesting contrast,” he looks at her now. “You know, since you always seemed to roll your eyes at me every time I looked at you, and people said you had a “mean girl” vibe that I never really bought.”
“People said that about me?” Gina still couldn’t raise her voice in the slightest, wanting to fully experience everything that was happening. She felt like anything she could say could break whatever spell Ricky was under.
“Wrongly, yes.” he laughs. “I wasn’t curious, Gina. I just couldn’t stop myself from talking to you. Or looking at you. Or getting to know you.” At that, Gina smiles. “My friends, on the other hand, are truly curious. They’re curious because you’re the reason for a lot of changes in my behavior lately. And because I just couldn’t stop talking about you.”
“You couldn’t stop talking about me, huh? What were you saying exactly?” she asks, the smile not leaving her lips for a second.
“Do we really have to get into that?” he complains. Gina raises her hands and eyebrows.
“You were the one who brought it up, not me,” she replies, and he brought both his hands up to his face, letting in a groan. He looked embarrassed.
“Hey,” Gina starts, and her voice makes him look up at her. “You were the cute guy behind me in class, too, you know.” she whispers. Coldness started to stir into Gina's stomach, in anticipation as Ricky’s gaze shifted into something else entirely. His face now inches away from hers, Gina decided if he shot her down, at least she made her feelings clear. So she closed the distance between them, and crashed her lips into his.
Gina grabbed at Ricky’s collar, pulled at his hair, trying to make sure everything she felt for him was shown in one kiss. Because she felt so much. And so wide and so big. Gina couldn’t believe how careless she was, because what if her mother decided they were leaving next month? Or next week? Or tomorrow? It had come to a point, however, where she couldn’t possibly picture a life anymore without this feeling, without him, now that she had this. So it truly was out of her hands.
Ricky kissed her back shamelessly, not caring if someone walked by and saw them. She felt his feelings through the way he kissed her, too. More than words ever could. They separated, Ricky’s forehead rested on hers, a big grin on his lips, both eyes on hers. He kissed her cheek then, her jawline, her eyes. He placed his thumb right below her bottom lip, caressing her face with his other hand.
Gina had both her hands on Ricky’s neck, gripping the end of his hair like her life depended on it. Weirdly, it felt like it did. She looked up at him. “Wow, huh?”
“Wow indeed,” he replies. “I wanted to do that for a while.”
“Really?” she grins.
“Yeah. Approximately four months now.”
“But that’s as long as we started hanging out,” she frowns, but her smile was impossible to fade.
“That’s how long I’ve been crazy about you, then.”
“I think that’s how long I’ve been crazy about you, too,” Gina says fondly. He went back to give her a kiss, and Gina was sure she’d never get tired of his kisses.
As Gina laid her head on her boyfriend's shoulder, inside his car - well, Big Red’s car - after being driven home by him, she felt glad that Maddox had offered to let her stay with her for their senior year, when her mother had to move out. Gina didn’t know what would’ve happened to her and Ricky if she had to move, too. And for a girl who never had any friends, longed for stability and had to watch it from afar, people having sleepovers - and not inviting her -, going to parties, living life freely. For a girl who had trouble envisioning a life where all of those things were a part of it, life felt too good to be true. Her heart was filled with a gratitude that she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to put into words. So she wasn’t going to. She would just accept the love that was given to her, and give it back. Life was easy, now.
Beside her, Ricky cleared his throat. Gina noticed that ever since they arrived at Maddox’s garage, Ricky was acting weirdly nervous. He wants to tell me something. He doesn’t know how I’ll react.
“Hi,” she smirked at him. “Is everything okay?”
“I made you a mixtape.” Ricky answered quickly, like he was waiting all night to say that. And given how anxious he looked, he probably was. “It’s probably not any good, but I hope you like it. These songs are just some songs we either listened to together, or songs that remind me of you,” Ricky finished, handing her the cassette tape, looking at her expectantly.
Gina looked at him, surprised. “Ricky, that’s so thoughtful. I can’t believe you did this,” she looked down at what was written, in permanent marker, on the cassette.
To my beautiful girlfriend. ❤︎I Love you gi - Ricky, summer of 1986
Gina ran her fingers through his terrible handwriting, like it was something sacred. Like nothing could’ve been better than this, and she hadn’t even heard the songs on it yet. Tears started to form in her eyes, and all she could think about was how no one’s ever done something like this for her before. She was the luckiest girl in the world.
“Ricky, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” a tear fell down her face, and Ricky had the most concerned look. He reached to wipe the tears away with his thumb, lifting her head up to meet his eyes with his other hand. “Hey, don’t cry. I’ll cry, too, you know?”
Gina gave him a teary eyed laugh. “I’m just happy is all. You shouldn’t have worried if I'd like it or not, of course I love it.” she paused. “Like I love you.”
“I love you too.” he kissed her cheek, “And don’t worry, I put ABBA on it.”
“Which song? Dancing queen?”
“Obviously! You are quite literally a dancing queen, young and sweet and only seventeen!” Gina laughed.
“I love the sound of your laugh.” Ricky said, and Gina blushed and melted at the spot.
“Okay, enough chitchat! I wanna listen to it!”
“Alright, alright,” Ricky said, going to put the mixtape on the cassette player in Big Red’s car radio. Gina looked at him then, and as he pressed play, she had a comforting feeling inside her that told her, that no matter what happened, if she had Ricky at her side, everything would be okay. Gina Porter couldn't bring herself to regret anything that happened from the minute Ricky Bowen walked in her life.