Chapter Text
Lucas is my best friend.
My everything.
He provides me with everything I could ever want. Warm food, soft hugs, gentle comfort and support whenever I need it—I do try to give him the same in return, but I’m sure I’ll never be able to repay his kindnesses, big and small. Or make up for my many shortcomings, which he so patiently puts up with, and keeps loving me regardless of.
I can’t imagine him being taken away from me again.
However,
I keep imagining him being taken away from me over and over.
Nightmares were a daily—well, nightly occurrence for Yuugo. Nothing new.
Things got better since Lucas and the kids arrived, of course, but his nightmares didn’t stop. There would be no magical cure for that, not anytime soon. He’d already gotten accustomed to them, so he didn’t mind too much. He was glad he was starting to have some good dreams too, in fact.
But a new visitor came by a few months into his new life.
An unwanted guest, haunting him every night.
At breakfast, after about a week of this, Yuugo thought about them. About “it.”
Nothing had happened recently to trigger it, no?
It wasn’t something that’d ever bothered him before, either—and that’s impressive, considering that he’d spent 13 years haunted by his dead family’s ghosts in the form of nightmares and hallucinations and whatnot. He thought about it from time to time, but it was never as bad as this.
The scenario was changing, but the theme wasn’t.
Lucas had—
“Yuugo? Everything okay? Something wrong with the food?” He was still here. Looking down at him with a soft, slightly concerned smile. And asking something about today’s breakfast, which he’d made with some of the kids’ help.
Yuugo smiled. “It’s great. Thanks.”
Lucas returned the gesture, his smile growing warmer as he sat down opposite of him to eat as well.
Cutting into his food, Yuugo sighed.
He was still here.
But he knew, that night, he’d leave again.
This time, his body hung limply just inches above the hardwood floor. Yuugo’s breath caught in his throat as he stepped forward to gently touch his cheek. His skin was already cold.
The note was there, as always, below his pale feet. It started with ‘Dear Yuugo,’ but the rest of the words were blurred, incomprehensible, a jumble of gibberish just like what the sight left his mind to be.
No tears spilled, no sounds erupted. Just one thought circled in Yuugo’s mind as he reached to hold his lifeless, gloved hand—it’s all my fault.
“...Lucas?!”
“Yuugo!”
Breathless, Yuugo sprung up in bed, holding his head as he tried to find his bearings. In the darkness of their bedroom, Lucas’ silhouette stood out, reaching to brush some of Yuugo’s tears away with his thumb.
“Yuugo, are you okay?” Lucas’ gentle voice calmed him, and he instantly leapt out of bed to embrace him.
The redhead’s one arm gently wrapped around Yuugo’s shaking figure, running his hand across his back. For a few minutes, they just stood there, cuddled up while Yuugo tried to get his shit together.
“Bad dream?” Lucas broke the silence with a whisper.
Yuugo nodded. Lucas sighed.
“...I’m worried about you, Yuugo. You’ve been having so many nightmares lately. Are you okay? Wanna talk about it, maybe?”
“...I’m fine. Just need you.” I could never tell you what I’ve been seeing.
Lucas’ arm moved to hold Yuugo closer, the latter resting his head against Lucas’ chest. “I’m here. Come on, let’s get back to bed.”
As he gently helped Yuugo back in their shared bed, he reached to set aside a pen he was holding, that Yuugo hadn’t noticed in his haze (and the darkness of the room). He stretched his arm out to place it on top of some papers—notes he’d been taking, he said—in one of the drawers, swiftly pushing it shut afterwards, before going back to soothing his startled bedmate.
All the notes started with ‘Dear Yuugo.’