Chapter Text
YOU WERE DOING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. You had left the dark shadow of Brooklyn behind. Moved to Boston, got into one of the best Physics programs in the world. You had new friends, a new job, a new apartment, a new life.
You were about to go into the last year of your Master’s degree, months before you could pursuer you PhD. You already had several opportunities to join research programs at different universities around the world being at the top of your classes
You were doing good.
Your life was easy.
A bit too easy but isn’t that what you deserved? An easy incline on the mountain of your life. You deserved an easy run, easy friends, easy job, an easy boyfriend. You deserved it . You deserved real friends. You deserved a boyfriend who was patient, kind and forgiving. You deserved the right to walk down the street during the day and not fear loosing your life when you turn the corner.
You deserved easy.
You did.
Yet a small part of you still called for the shadow Brooklyn cast over your life.
Your old self still clinging tightly to to the new girl that had emerged from the darkness. Your urge to place cigarette between your lips, the need to have a knife under your pillow, between your mattress and box spring, or tucked into your combat boots. The itch you felt in your fingers when ever you passed someone wearing an expensive watch or a piece of jewelry a bit too shiny. Your unexplainable need to keep your window unlocked in the night an irrational hope of him joining you in bed, his solid form behind you, calloused fingers—.
No. No. Stop it.
Thinking of him was dangerous.
Thinking of him led to stalking his mother’s facebook page in hopes of catching a glimpse of his face, although that would never be the case. He was the one who took the photos, never in them, but every so often you would catch his shadow in the frame or his silhouette in the mirror. Glimpses of him filling you with an unprecedented amount of grief and just a bit of fear.
And as you sat there at a small internet Cafe a few blocks from your apartment you felt the feeling growing tenfold.
“You okay?”
You looked up from your book, dark eyes catching your boyfriend, Brandon’s blue eyes from where he watched you over his laptop, glasses crooked on his nose. He looked adorable.
You smiled, “Yeah,” you cleared your throat, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve been staring blankly at that page for the passed fifteen minutes,” he pointed out with a small smile. “Penny for your thoughts?”
“Just thinking about the new semester,” you smiled reaching out to fix his crooked lenses, brushing a stray brown curl form his face, the action earned you a puppy like smile. “You get everything you need?”
He nodded, “Yeah,” he sighed.
“I can’t believe it’s almost over,” You beamed and he frowned slightly.
“Not for us normal folk,” he pointed out taking a sip of his coffee. For a moment you wondered if you sensed a bit of bitterness in his tone. No. Brandon wasn’t like that.
You pouted at him, “I’m sorry,” you said playfully reaching out to pinch his nose. “It’s not the end of everything you know?”
“How did you do it anyway?” He shook you off.
“Do what?”
“You’re barely old enough to drink and yet here you are leaving all of us in the dirt.”
You shrugged, “I’ve always excelled at school, it was the one thing I knew could put me in a position I wanted to be, I graduated at fifteen, did my bachelors at LIU, came to do my Masters here, nothing complicated.”
“You’re so nonchalant about being a literal genius.”
You took a sip of your forgotten iced coffee, “I’m just being humble.”
“Have you decided where you’re gonna go after this?” Brandon inquired an you shook your head.
“Well you should stay here.”
“Brandon,” you scolded. “I haven’t made a choice yet.”
“You should.”
“I have six months to make a choice and I’m gonna take my time in doing it,” you sighed and he looked down at his computer.
“I get it, but I still think you should stay here so we can be together but hey that’s me,” he hummed lightly typing on his laptop.
You rolled your eyes, “You’re so cute when you pout you know that.”
He made a sound of offence. “I’m not cute.”
“Oh you’re very cute, keep pouting and I might just make up mind,” you whispered mockingly.
“Oh, har har.”
You shook your head rolling your dark eyes. Your phone vibrated on the table and you sighed as you checked the notifications. “I gotta go,” you stood, packing up your book and shoving the last of your croissant into your mouth, “I’ll see you later,” you leaned across the table for a kiss which he happily gave releasing hum of agreement.
~~~~
You didn’t get to see your boyfriend later, you sighed pressing your forehead against your steering wheel out side a 7/11 gas station. It was the week before the semester started and you found yourself regretting giving into that old itch to have an extra hustle on the side. Giving your time as a TA was kicking your ass especially considering no one in the science department understood the concept of a proper work ethic. They were all in their last minute scramble and you had been pulled into it.
At least you’re getting paid.
With a grunt you you exited your vehicle head pounding. You nodded at the cashier as you entered the nearly empty store, you made be line for the Mango flavoured Monster because you were a little bitch who was quite sure the original was made of battery acid. You grabbed two boxes before straying toward the non-perishable food items you flicked your gaze between the Mac n’ Cheese and the spicy ramen. You flicked your gaze beeeen them for a long moment before deciding to get them both.
You deposited your things on the counter and the Cashier raised their brows, “Anything else?”
You moved towards the shelves, grabbing a family pack of Oreos and placing them on the counter. The cashier lookers at you in near shame and you had to agree, you were weak.
“Bags?”
“Yes please?”
“Anything else?”
“Gas for thirty pump three please.”
As you paid for your things a shiver crawled up your spine, you turned and noticed a man standing by the drinks, dressed in a purple and green hoodie, his hood was up you couldn’t see his face but you had an odd feeling in your gut at the sight of him. You turned your head and grabbed your things heading for your car. Throwing your items into the back seat, you opened your fuel tank and began to pump gas. You flicked your gaze around the darkening city. Something in your gut was churning.
Holding the pump with one hand you brought up your foot and pulled a butterfly knife from your boot, flicking the wings open with precision. It had been well loved, well used, the criss cross cuts on your palms a testament to its years of use.
When the pump stopped you turned to place it back, shutting your fuel tank you tensed and whipped around knife brandished, freehand reaching out to grip their collar, you yanked them forward with a sharp glower. “What are you playing—Aaron?”
Your grip slackened at the familiar face.
The older man chuckled, “Damn, still got that sixth sense on ya,” he raised his hands in surrender and you let him go immediately.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
“Nah, I should have known better” he waved you of,“At least you didn’t stab me this time.”
You winced at the reminder, “I am so sorry,” you whispered again, pulling him into a firm hug. “What are you doing here?”
He rubbed your back soothingly, “Business.”
You tensed and pulled back from Aaron, lips pulling down into a frown, “Business?”
He gave you a reassuring look, “No not that Business, I have some art shows I’m curating in the city, haven’t gotten my hands that dirty in ages.”
You shifted on your feet lips pursing in thought.
“They’re okay if thats what you want to ask,” he said after a moment of prolonged silence. “Rio finally got her M.D.”
You couldn’t help but smile at mention of the woman, “That’s great, that’s really…” your voice wavered slightly and you looked down at your scarred palms. He pressed a warm hand against your shoulder drawing your attention.
“She’s really proud of you, you know,” he said with a smile that only Aaron was capable of. “So am I, you did what you had to do. No one can blame you for that,” he looked at your head, “what did you do with your hair?”
You ignored that.
“What about—.”
You couldn’t say his name.
“It took him a while but he let it go.”
A part of you doubted it , that wasn’t like him, letting things go.
You had the sudden feeling of fleeing the entire situation. You flicked you gaze back to your car and looked back at him. “Listen, it was good seeing you Aaron but I need to go, I have some work to get done, um,” you bit at your lips, “Maybe I’ll see you around, okay?”
He nodded looking just slightly disappointed. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry,” you whispered again, you reached forward and hugged him tightly for a bit longer than you should have, but he returned the favour. He smelt like memories, it brought a burn to your eyes.
“Bye, kid.”
You gave him a shaky smile before slipping into your car.
As he watched you drive off Aaron pulled his phone from his pocket.
You won’t believe who I just saw.
Who?
~~~
The first week of the semester came quickly, you put your encounter with Aaron in the back of your mind and focused on what this semester entailed for you. Between your lessons, job and TA duties you were about to be swamped.
“You look sick,” your friend Amelia slipped into the passenger seat.
“Say that again and your ass can walk to school.”
“Ooh touchy,” the blonde girl hummed, you could feel her eyes on you as you pulled out of the driveway. “Brandon giving you shit about the future?”
“When isn’t he?”
“He loves you, you know?”
You trembled at the thought, lips clenching, “Can we refrain from using the L word?”
“Oh come on, it’s true!” She exclaimed.
“Seatbelt,” you reminded and she huffed doing as you told.
“You guys have been together for almost two years now, the L word is bound to show up.”
You grimaced.
“What do you have against love anyway?”
“It’s disappointing and filled with empty promises,” You grunted.
“Wow, who hurt you?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
You found a seat towards the back of the of the theatre, just in the middle of throw so you could see properly. Amelia sat beside you to the left, she was older than you by about three years , having already finished her bachelors. It was nice having her in class, most of friends studying for their bachelors, you say them when you were assisting some of the professors but it wasn’t the same.
“So do you plan to stay in Massachusetts for your PhD?”
You sighed, “Don’t tell Brandon, but at this point I don’t think so.”
“That’s why you’re scared of the L word isn’t it? Scared that you won’t live up to the promise?”
You narrowed your eyes at her as the class grew fuller, “Do me a favour yeah? And shut up,” you poked her scoldingly and she chuckled.
“You youngins and your fear of commitment.”
“I don’t fear commitment.”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that sweetheart.”
You scoffed with a chuckle. Before you knew it the class was full, a single seat left to the right of you remained unoccupied as the professor set up his lecture. You pulled your laptop from your bag and a notebook.
From beside you Amelia made a curious sound and you looked at her with furrowed brows, turning to the right in an attempt to follow her gaze.
You forgot how to breathe.
“This seat taken, mami?” He asked but there was no true search for an answer in his tone. He looked so different yet so much like the boy you had left behind. Older, just as handsome if not more, his features made of hard lines paired with even harder brown eyes.
Oh no.
Oh no.
There it was that funny feeling, grief, fear… anticipation.
He settled into the seat beside you, bag dropping next to his purple Jordan’s. You caught the scent of his familiar cologne and you almost swayed.
“It-its you?”
He raised brows , lips curling into that lopsided smirk you loved so much. He leaned forward, brown eyes shining with a sort of morbid amusement, he tapped two fingers between your brows causing you to jerk on your seat. “¿Sólo eso tiene que decir?” He muttered lowly and your body shuddered at the sound. “No hello?”
Amelia called your name and you cocked your head slightly, not daring to turn away from him as if he might just disappear,“Who’s this?” She asked.
He flicked his gaze behind you looking at Amelia almost dismissively, “Miles Morales, an old..friend.”
You shook, breath rattling in your ribcage.
“Miles—.”
He pressed a mocking finger to his lips and your eyes followed the movement without your control, tongue wetting your dry lips. “Shh, lecture’s starting,” he tapped his ear in a call for you to pay attention and you found yourself obeying without thought.
Oh no.
~~~
You rushed to your car, fumbling for your keys you left Amelia behind muttering about not feeling well after shooting emails to your professors. You had to get out of their.
He was here.
He was here and he knew where you were. You should have know with Aaron, Miles was never to far behind.
Oh no.
You opened your driver’s side door but before you could even think about it the door was pushed shut by a strong hand.
You shuddered, following the hand up to its owner, Miles watched you with dark eyes, “Going somewhere,mami?”
“Don’t call me that,” you snapped, yanking at your car door only for him to slam it shut once again.
“Why? You loved it when I used to call you that,” he said almost innocently and you made a dangerous sound.
“Back up, Miles,” you warned, “I don’t have time for this today or any day.”
“Don’t be like that.”
“I can be whatever the fuck I feel like being when you have your hand on my damn car!” You shoved him back angrily and he stumbled releasing a chuckle that frustrated you to no end. “Fucker.”
“So mean, mami.”
“Not mean enough,” you retorted, “why are you even here? Did Aaron tell you where I was?”
“What did you do to your hair?” He asked leaning forward to grip one of the pin straight strands. You smack it away.
Your hair was fine.
“Answer my questions.”
He cocked his head, the tail end of his braids swinging behind his neck, he raised his brows, “What? You thought I made a transfer a week before the school year started? Don’t be self centred.”
“Why are you here?”
“My Mama got a job here,” he shrugged, “I followed, someones gotta take care of her, Aaron saw you the other day and told her, I just happened to see the message.”
You straightened, your shoulders dropping at the mention of the woman who had taken care of you when your own mother couldn’t. “I see.”
“Listen, ma, no estoy aquí para provocar problemas.”
“I doubt it.”
He laid an exaggerated hand of offence on his chest, “You don’t trust me, mami?”
You shook, something red hot and irrational overcoming your senses, you stepped forward threateningly. “After what you did?” you shook your head, “never.”
You opened you car door.
“I don’t need you to trust me to love me.”
You had to laugh.
“I don’t believe in such a thing,” you said coldly, “So I wouldn’t hold your breath.”
He chuckled and you cut out the sound by slamming your door shut. Before you could pull out of your parking spot he knocked on your window, drawing your gaze, and he waved. You had the sudden urge to run him over.
You refrained but you did whip out of your spot violently enough to have him stumble back.
~~~
Your phone phone kept vibrating with messages that you ignored as you lumbered down the grocery isles. Trying to stock up on some fresh food, you had been ordering take out for the better part half of a week.
You stopped by the vegetable isle looking at tomatoes, picking out the nice firm one and throwing them into a bag.
Your phone vibrated again, a call. You sighed and answered.
“Finally, you had me thinking you were dead,” Brandon huffed down the end. “I thought we’re meeting at your place.”
You groaned, “I’m sorry, I forgot, can we reschedule? For tomorrow.”
“I don’t have time tomorrow, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” you muttered putting the tomatoes in your cart. “I just had a stomach bug. I’ll call you later. We can reschedule then.
“Fine. I lo-.”
You hung up and tucked your phone away turning your attention to find some cucumber. As you turned you bumped into someone passing by casing them to drop their basket, tomatoes rolling out onto the ground. “I am so sorry,” you bent down to help pick up the basket. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Oh my god.”
Your head snapped up at the familiar voice.
“Oh my god, Mrs. Morales!” You gasped in delight at the sight of the woman dressed in navy blue scrubs, her warm eyes seemed to shine like ambers. The woman gasped and pulled you into your arms.
“Oh, Querida!” She squeezed you tightly, a hand cupping the back of your head. You buried you face into her neck in taking the scent of antiseptic and faded perfume. Felling like a little girl again. “How I missed you, Aaron told me he saw you and I couldn’t believe it,” she rubbed your back and pulled away just enough to cup your face in her warm palms, “You’re so big now. A woman. How are you? How have you been? What did you do to your pretty hair?” she fussed running hands through the straight strands, lips puckering in concern. “Don’t worry, we’ll fix it, we need to catch up…
You couldn’t even find it in yourself to be offended, simply relishing in her presence. As she picked up her basket dragging you through the store, putting some hair products in your basket a silent prod to you to fix it.
You don’t think anything was wrong with it.
“A new boyfriend?” Rio looked absolutely perplexed at the idea as the two of you exited the the supermarket.
“Why so shocked? I remember having boys drool all over me in Brooklyn.”
“Yeah,” Rio chuckled, “Miles used to complain about it for ages before he finally asked you out.”
You felt your smile fall at the mention of him, she didn’t seem to notice or chose not to.
“It’s odd thinking about you with someone else, how long were you guys together? Since you weee fourteen-four years,” she hummed and smiled brightly, “You were so cute,” she looked at you suddenly, “He’s in your program isn’t he? Did you see him today?”
You released a noncommittal hum in return. “Look Mrs Morales, I need to go-.”
She stopped you by turning to face you fully, her expression open and apologetic, “Listen, I know you and Miles had a hard time during your last year in Brooklyn, he was getting in these stupid, dangerous situations but he’s changed, I look at him now and have never been prouder.”
“Mrs. Morales,” you started slowly, “I don’t think you can blame me when I say that I doubt it.”
She pursued her lips nodding her head, taking a step forward to pull you into a warm hug. “You’re right, I don’t but,” she sighed, “Just give my boy another chance, I promise you won’t regret it.”
You hummed again, wrapping your free arm around her, “I’m happy where I am now.”
“As a friend then?”
“I’ll think about it,” you kissed her cheek, “I’ll see you soon okay?”
She nodded as you pulled away, “I’m proud of you too, you know? So very proud, we’ve all been rooting for you. All of us.”
You had to hug her once again. “I missed you, so much.”
“I missed you too sweet girl.”
~~~~
Rio stood in the kitchen of her new apartment, tired but determined to eat something warm and home made. She stood over the stove thinking about you.
Oh you were a woman now.
A good, strong woman, she could see it in the determined set of your jaw the rod in you back. The kind of woman she had always hoped you would be, the kind of woman she had hopped to see you become.
If it weren’t for her idiotic son—.
She clicked her tongue, brow twitching in annoyance.
She heard his keys in the lock, before he shuffled in. “Hey Mama.”
“You hungry?” She asked turning to see him walk around the corner. He was the perfect mix of her and Jeff it almost hurt to look at him.
“I could eat,” he grunted, Hanging his bag on the back of one the dining table chairs, he made sure to kiss her cheek in greeting before settling at the table.
There was a moment of silence, “I saw her today,” she told him and didn’t have to turn to know she had his full attention. “Did you?”
“I did,” he admitted, “Doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“I don’t blame her, after what you did.”
Miles was quiet.
“She’s dating a white boy you know?”
“Did you see him?” There was a near dangerous tone to his voice it didn’t surprise her, anything about you had him ready to crack skulls on concrete.
“No but I could see it, her hair gave her away,” Rio clicked her tongue. “She doesn’t even want to think about you,” she grunted turning her attention to chopping. “One mention of you her face falls,” her knife hit the cutting board more aggressively than she intended, “There was a time where she was so happy to hear even a mention of your name and now—. I should tell you to stay away from her but I won’t, I should tell you don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her but I won’t.”
“Why?”
“Because you love that girl,” she said feeling a tightness in the back her throat. “You love her so much and that is the purest thing about you. The only thing protecting my little boy,” she slumped bracing her hands against the counter.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she sighed picking the knife up again, “It’s not your fault, sometimes we have no control of our circumstances. But let me tell you this, child,” she turned her head and pointed at him with her knife, “If you hurt her again, I’ll put you in the ground myself,” she narrowed her eyes threateningly and watched her son shift anxiously beneath her stare, “Me entendéis bien, ¿no Miles?”
He nodded his head.
“Good boy, now help me with the rice.”
She watched him wash the rice and took in the determined dip in brow. The same one his father used to get when he made his mind up about something. And for a moment she let herself feel guilty about the damage he would undoubtedly cause to those standing between him and you now that she had let him off his leash.
Terrible damage.