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“It gets cold up here. Stay warm 🩷 Ellie”
The blanket stared at her. Mocking her. Like it was saying “Yeah, someone feels bad enough for you that they made you a blanket.”
Lilith hated it.
It had been months since she lost her powers, the twins were dead but things didn’t go back to zero. She was still not a siren. No one was anymore. But it didn’t matter. She felt ill. Sick. Like a wounded puppy. She could feel their looks upon her as she stood on the bridge, entered the bar, hell just even standing against the wall in a room. It felt like all eyes were on her. Wondering what the “plucked” firehawk was gonna do. Their concerned stares, the fake apologies, the fake encouragement that she got for continuing to lead the raiders after losing her powers, it made her want to scream.
This blanket just felt like a reminder of that.
Lilith ran her hand across the fabric. It felt good. Despite its shitty connotations in her brain, Ellie had done a great job sewing this thing. Made from bullymong fur, the blanket felt soft, light, and yet fully capable of keeping her warm.
She sighed to herself. She knew deep down that this wasn’t a form of pity or contempt. She wasn’t sure contempt was an emotion in Ellie Hodunk’s heart.
Ellie Hodunk.
That woman confused the hell out of Lilith. She understood why the heavyset mechanic stuck around at first. Lilith was the fucking firehawk! What woman didn’t like her, or want to be her? But without her powers Lilith was about as useful as an empty gun.
And yet Ellie’s demeanor never changed. Day in, day out, she was there. With a cup of coffee, or breakfast, or just a pat on the back and a happy hello. That woman was always there. Before Lilith lost her powers she considered Ellie her best friend.
Now? Now she didn’t know.
After everything, everyone left her. Roland died, Mordecai and Brick were off in some little hamlet away from her, and Tannis was more or less always in her own world.
And yet Ellie never left. She still stayed on board Sanctuary. Perhaps she felt an attachment to it?
That had to be it, Lilith thought to herself. No other reason she’d stay.
After staring at the blanket for an inordinate amount of time, she decided to get up. She needed to get through her day. Or technically evening. Who even knew anymore, space was just black fucking nothing.
Lilith stood on the bridge and stared off into the black nothing. They were in orbit over Promethea. An agreement with Rhys that they’d always be protected in Atlas airspace meant that it was as good a place as any to rest the ship while they did their thing.
Lilith had sent the bridge crew away for now. She didn’t wanna see anybody right now. Just that fucking black empty void.
She reached under one of the command tables and retrieved a bottle of bourbon that she hid there for these special occasions. She typically wasn’t that heavy of a drinker, but with no fire to put out she was left with a reminder of how useless she really was.
She still didn’t understand why one of the vault hunters hadn’t just capped her in the back of the head and taken charge. No one would’ve fought against it.
Maybe she’d do it herself. Use the fast travel network, go somewhere remote and bang! No more bullshit.
*Not a bad plan* she thought to herself as she took a swig from the bottle.
She sat and drank on the bridge for another hour by herself until she felt someone sit beside her.
Not just “someone”, Ellie Hodunk was sitting next to her.
“So what are we celebrating?” the cheerful mechanic asked.
Lilith leaned back and downed another chunk of the bottle.
“I’m not sharing” she said, almost sounding like a ghoul, the alcohol burning the firehawks throat.
“That’s fine.” Ellie replied.
Lilith shot her a look before leaning her right arm outward offering the woman a drink.
Ellie shot back with a raised eyebrow as she took a light sip from the bottle. She shook her head as it went down her throat.
“Damn, that’s some fancy shit. I can already feel it knock me on my ass!” Ellie laughed, handing the bottle back.
Lilith nodded as she stared into the void.
“What’re we staring at?” Ellie asked.
“Nothingness. The blackness of the universe.” Lilith replied. Far too gone to care at this point.
“Why?” Ellie asked, continuing her persistence.
“Because I see myself in it.” Lilith replied.
“How come?” Ellie continued, as if she was a small child repeatedly asking why.
“Because it too is totally useless. A black void, devoid of nothing, not worth anything…”
Ellie gave Lilith an odd glance.
The two sat in silence for a few moments before Lilith spoke again.
“... but I can do something about me being useless.” Lilith continued.
“What do you mean, can do something about useless?” Ellie asked, confused by Lilith’s drunken ramblings.
“I can kill myself.” Lilith finished, patting Ellie on the shoulder before getting up and leaving.
Ellie sat there for a second not getting what she just heard.
“The fuck do you mean kill yourself!?” she screamed as she ran for Lilith’s quarters.
The mechanic reached the door but it wouldn’t open.
“Open the door!” she screamed, pounding on it with her fist.
“No.” came a simple reply back.
“I’m not letting you kill yourself!” Ellie screamed, pounding the door again.
“Go away.” Lilith replied again, sounding quieter and quieter as she spoke.
“You open this fucking door or i’ll go get my welding kit and force it open.” Ellie said sternly.
There was no reply.
“You open this door or i’ll tell everyone you’re gonna kill yourself!” Ellie spat.
“Go ahead, no one cares.” the door replied again.
“What? Everyone cares about you! We all look up to you! We’re family!” Ellie said, desperately trying anything to keep her talking.
“No you don’t. I’m dead weight.” the door said.
“You’re the firehawk, we all love you!” Ellie pleaded.
“You DID love me. The firehawk is dead! Now i’m just a worthless husk.” the door spat back.
“Is that what this is about?! We don’t care that you lost your po-”
“That’s right you don’t care. And you shouldn’t. Without my powers my life is worthless.” Lilith cut Ellie off with her self hatred filled statement.
Everything went silent for the next five minutes. Ellie was scared of what the silence meant.
“Lilith please.” Ellie begged.
“Lilith, please talk to me. Just please talk to me.” Ellie continued.
“Lilith you’re my best friend and I love you, please just let me in.” Ellie sobbed.
“Please.” Ellie said, leaning her head against the door.
Ellie started to cry.
Lilith could hear her outside the door. It interrupted her thoughts as she stared at the SMG on her table.
Ellie was nearly hysterical, repeating the word “please” over and over.
Lilith paused her thoughts about the gun to look at the blanket on her bed.
“Please” Ellie’s voice nearly inaudible due to her crying.
“Why does it feel so hard to just pick up the gun?” Lilith asked herself internally.
“Please.” Ellie continued to sob.
Lilith sighed before getting up and walking toward the door.
Ellie stood up upon hearing the footsteps.
The door opened.
Both women stared at each other in complete silence. Ellie’s red eyes and tear covered face, the firehawks dead emotionless eyes and pale almost sick face, locked in a game of emotional chicken.
Ellie broke the game first. Dashing into the room and throwing herself around Lilith before shutting the door and locking it.
She had Lilith trapped in this room and she was gonna do everything she could to help her friend.
“Let go of me.” Lilith said, still trapped in the larger woman’s bear hug.
“No.” Ellie replied.
“Let g-”
“Talk to me and i’ll let go!” Ellie roared.
Lilith had never heard Ellie sound angry like that. She couldn’t think of much that could make the woman so enraged.
Realizing there was no way out, Lilith caved.
“I wanna die.” Lilith said, looking downwards towards Ellie’s arms.
“I got that part, but why?” Ellie urged.
“You know why, i’m dead weight.” Lilith continued.
“No you’re not, you’re the firehawk, a bombshell of badassery.” Ellie replied, coldly, staring into the firehawk’s eyes.
Silence filled the room before…
“Hahahahaha!” for whatever reason Ellie’s declaration made Lilith burst into laughter. Shaking uncontrollably in her one real friend’s arms, Lilith laughed and laughed.
Ellie’s grip loosened as she looked sadly upon the former siren.
Ellie stood there like she was about to cry all over again.
“I needed that I think.” Lilith chuckled, still with the giggles.
Ellie continued to look somberly at Lilith, like she was about to break down.
“Is there really nothing I can do to stop you? This isn’t funny!” Ellie said, tears forming in her eyes again.
Lilith sat on the edge of her bed, stretching her legs.
“Why do you care so much if I kill myself?” Lilith asked, not understanding Ellie’s concern for her.
That question made Ellie’s face contort. As if Lilith had asked the stupidest question in the galaxy.
She stared at Lilith, trying to think of a reason that Lilith would believe, would actually care. Eventually she hit the realization that she couldn’t think of any to persuade the siren.
So Ellie decided to use the selfish reason not to let her friend go…
“Because I love you, that’s why!” Ellie screamed at her. Standing there indignantly.
There was that word again.
Love.
“So you keep telling me.” Lilith said, sitting up a bit.
Running out of options Ellie decided to be blunt.
“Not like that…” she said, staring at the ground.
“What do you mean not like THAT?” Lilith said, eyes wide.
“Nuh uh, this ain’t about me, this is about you.” Ellie said, looking up, trying to get back on track.
Lilith shot the mechanic a look.
“Well i’m flattered but your hero’s dead.” Lilith said, leaning against her bedpost.
“No you aren’t! You’re right here! Powers or no powers! You’re still you!” Ellie argued.
“You killed Jack, you stopped the destroyer, you’ve saved hundreds of lives. People aren’t going to forget about you.” Ellie said, looking down at her friend.
The room filled with silence again. Another game of emotional chicken. Lilith stretched her legs across her bed as she kept eye contact with the mechanic.
“So you love me..” Lilith started.
“Nuh uh, not the time Lil.” Ellie said, arms crossed.
The staredown continued. Lilith amused and curious at this point. And Ellie, indignant and angry.
“You know you could do much better than me.” Lilith said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ellie asked.
“C’mon, you’re the catch a ride girl. Pleasant, pretty face, massive tits, great with a wrench, what’s not to like? I’m just a fake hero. A failure.” Lilith replied.
“Lil, nobody cares that you lost your powers. We don’t think any differently about you.” Ellie said, stepping closer to her.
“That’s a lie. I see the way you all stare, the words you think I can’t hear! You all look down on me. And I don’t blame you. I shouldn’t be here.” Lilith said, staring down at her hands.
While Lilith was pouring out her heart, she didn’t notice Ellie sit down beside her.
“After it all ended, I feel like all I can do is end it. Without my powers i’m nothing. I have nothing, i’m powerless to do anything. Without my powers i’m just a dumb bitch who can’t even help herself.” Lilith continued.
She felt the arms of the larger girl around her as she kept going.
“People only were around in the first place because of Roland and after he died they stayed. They stayed after because they believed in the firehawk. Well now she’s dead and a fucking empty shell remains. There’s no point anymore. All I hear is how great it is that I haven’t given up. How great it is that i’m still around despite being fucking useless. I’m pathetic now! I can’t even keep our “family” together. And why not? Who wants to stay with the “plucked” firehawk. Now all i’m left with is this voice that just tells me to end it.” Lilith started crying harder as Ellie tightened her grip.
“And those people and that voice are all fucking assholes. It doesn’t matter what they think. If they can’t see that Lilith is a fucking badass without her powers then they don’t deserve to know Lilith. Who cares if you can’t light assholes on fire, you’re so much more than that. You’re one of the brightest lights of hope on Pandora. We all are grateful for all you’ve done. But it doesn’t matter. Even if you couldn’t anymore we still love you. Because you do have a family and we all love you. I love you. And nothing’s gonna change that. Especially not some dickhead voice saying bullshit to my best friend.” Ellie whispered into the other woman’s ear.
Lilith returned the hug and the duo leaned back into the bed. Lilith felt her whole body turn to mush as she fell asleep in Ellie’s arms.
Ellie held onto her watching her sleep.
A few hours later Lilith woke up. It was still night, well whatever counted as night. Somewhere around 4:00 am. Lilith sat up and looked at her surroundings.
To her right was Ellie, still asleep, heavy breathes causing her back to lower and rise on the bed. Lilith ran a hand across her cheek.
“So i’m your hero huh, the one you worship. Can’t say I deserve it.” Lilith whispered to herself.
She climbed out of bed and grabbed a soda out of her minifridge. She needed to clear her throat, get the taste out of her mouth. Marcus’s crappy offbrand cola would have to do.
“This the part where ya throw me out?” Lilith heard a voice behind her.
It was Ellie, sitting up and looking at the firehawk. She looked like shit, eyes red and bloodshot. Lilith couldn’t say anything though, she wagered she looked just as bad if not worse.
“No.” Was all Lilith replied as she sat next to her.
“I would never throw you out. You’re my best friend.” She continued, offering the larger woman a swig of the cola.
“Sorry i’m not much of one.” Lilith finished, as Ellie drank from the can.
“Thanks for being here last night. I probably needed that.” Lilith said.
“Probably?” Ellie asked not liking where this was going.
“I feel like I have no purpose now. Giving up and dying was my only plan. But you’ve thrown quite a wrench into those plans. No idea what to do now.” Lilith said, smirking at her friend.
“Well i’m glad I was able to talk ya down. No idea what i’d do if you did it.” Ellie said, handing the can back.
“Well, there’s a topic.” Lilith smiled.
“What’s a topic, you killing yourself, didn’t you just say you weren’t?” Ellie asked.
“No, you.” Lilith replied.
“Me?” Ellie said, pointing towards herself.
“Yes, now that i’m not going anywhere we can talk all about how much you love me.” Lilith said, wrapping an arm around Ellie.
“I was being serious.” Ellie said, indignantly.
“So was I.” replied Lilith, before reaching out and kissing Ellie.
Lilith wasted no time at all plunging her tongue down her friend’s throat. The kiss lasted seconds but felt like minutes to Ellie. Lilith explored all corners of the mechanic’s mouth before parting with a loud pop.
Lilith pushed the larger woman onto the bed before straddling her.
“I..I..” Ellie stuttered, staring into the firehawk’s eyes.
Lilith traced Ellie’s lips with her finger.
“Start from the beginning.” Lilith ordered.
“It started back when we had to defend Sanctuary. I’d heard the stories about you but never put much stock in em. But seeing you in person was another thing entirely. You were just so cool, and calm, and, you just didn’t give a fuck. You kicked ass and saved us, gave us a reason to fight for somethin.” Ellie started.
“You mean back when I had my powers.” Lilith said, looking away.
“Yeah, but it was more than that. Remember our conversation in the bar, after my brother’s funeral.” Ellie asked.
“Not really, no.” Lilith said.
“You told me that if I ever needed anything, to talk to you. I really didn’t wanna bother you but you meant every word. I called you one night in tears and you stayed up with me and calmed me down. You even started coming out to the dust to check up on me. You really cared about me. You didn’t need to phasewalk for that.” Ellie urged.
“That was around the time I realized you were my best friend.” Lilith said.
“I’m honored that you even rated me that high, I figured Mordy or Brick would’ve taken the spot.” Ellie reasoned.
“Things change. But you certainly didn’t. You stuck by me. Showed up everyday to work for the raiders, even after everyone left me. That meant a lot honestly.” Lilith confessed.
“But this, this is a surprise.” Lilith continued, leaning down to kiss Ellie’s neck.
Ellie rubbed her hand up Lilith’s back.
“Y’know I wish you brought this to me sooner.” Lilith said, continuing to kiss Ellie.
“You would’a rejected me.” Ellie reasoned.
“Am I rejecting you now?” Lilith argued, kissing Ellie’s cheek.
Ellie went wide eyed.
“So, you wanna settle down with a dead siren?” Lilith teased, already knowing the answer.
“I’ll do anything you want.” Ellie declared, splaying herself out on the bed for Lilith to touch.
“I like the enthusiasm.” Lilith replied, patting the girl’s thigh.
“But honestly we should probably clean up.” Lilith argued.
The two walked out of Lilith’s quarters and to the ship’s showers.
The showers were empty this time of night. Everyone either asleep or gone.
Lilith was taking off her shoes when she noticed Ellie’s trepidation about doing the same.
“Well I can’t say i’ve ever seen Ellie Hodunk nervous.” Lilith teased.
“S’not the same, it’s you. I…I feel like you’ll be turned off by what you see.” Ellie said, looking down at her feet.
Lilith had an idea to get the girl back to herself.
“Look at me.” Lilith said.
Ellie snapped up at attention to her hero.
Lilith kept eye contact with the mechanic and started stripping down.
Ellie swore as article after article of clothing until Lilith was nude.
“Holy fuck…” Ellie said, at a loss for further words.
“Your turn.” Lilith teased, kissing the other girl on the mouth.
Ellie wasted no time tearing her overalls and shirt off.
Lilith gave her a once over and wolf whistled.
“Now why would you be afraid of showing off all this.” Lilith teased, grabbing her love handles.
“As I said, hard not to feel inadequate to a siren.” Ellie argued back.
“Shall we.” Lilith said, entering the shower.
The sounds of the running water were all that filled the room. Both women keeping their mouths shut as they cleaned each other.
Ellie typically was a dominant partner, the sex hungry partner, the one who didn’t take the orders but gave them. That all went out the window with Lilith.
Ellie would kiss the ground Lilith walked on if Lilith demanded it.
Luckily for her Lilith was a benevolent deity.
Lilith scrubbed Ellie’s back, getting small gropes in as she rubbed soap over the woman’s body.
Ellie returned the favor, cleaning Lilith’s legs and feet, until the two switched places.
After half an hour of teasing the women left the shower.
The two walked back to the quarters in bath towels.
Until Lilith pulled Ellie’s off her body.
“Lil!” Ellie screamed
“Shush, people are sleeping.” Lilith said, ogling the woman’s larger physique.
“But someone could see!” Ellie whisper yelled back.
“Then you better move that chubby ass of yours then.” Lilith teased back.
Ellie turned and sprinted back to Lilith’s room. Lilith chuckled as she walked back as well.
With the two back in the room, Lilith decided it was time to stop teasing and give the mechanic what she’s wanted for so long.
Lilith threw her towel across one of the chairs and leaned back onto her bed.
“Come here.” Lilith said, using her finger to beckon Ellie over.
Ellie leaned over her, kissing her neck.
“Show me how much you love the firehawk.” Lilith ordered.
Ellie kissed her way down Lilith’s neck and chest. Her kisses got more pronounced and passionate as she reached Lilith’s cunt.
Without a second thought Ellie began to service the firehawk.
Lilith’s whole body shuddered. It was true what they said about fat girls. They really did give the best head.
Ellie passionately made love to the firehawk with her tongue. Lilith bucked her hips, feeling herself get closer and closer to climax.
Gently she put her hand on Ellie’s head, guiding her to the right spot to finish her off.
With a final thrust of Ellie’s tongue, Lilith came. Body shaking, and the insides of her body clenched tight as she held the large girl.
“Fuck…” Lilith panted. Patting Ellie’s head before laying down fully.
She pulled Ellie onto the bed and wrapped her arms around her.
“Your turn.” Lilith said, getting off the bed.
“You don’t have to..” Ellie said getting cut off by the sight of Lilith pulling a toy out of her drawer.
Lilith put the toy on and climbed on to the bed.
“Spread your legs and relax.” Lilith said, rubbing the woman’s thighs.
Lilith looked down through Ellie’s legs. Her vagina was wet from the earlier foreplay. Lilith gently slid a finger around Ellie’s entrance. It was slick, this was going to be easy.
Lilith could feel Ellie relax as she slid a finger in.
Another minute and Lilith slid in two.
Another and Lilith gently started to finger her.
She could feel Ellie start to hump her hand. Lilith chuckled as she readied the toy.
“Ready?” Lilith asked.
“Fuck me.” Ellie said.
“Well that’s kinda the point right?” Lilith said, sliding the toy inside.
The toy fit easily, Ellie was more than ready. Lilith could feel the toy slide back and forth without any irritation or stoppage.
Lilith started a slow rhythm for a few minutes, trying to gauge the big girl’s reaction.
This was not enough for Ellie.
“Stop teasing me with that thing and fuck me!” Ellie screamed out in frustration.
“Like this?” Lilith teased, humping the girl a bit harder.
“Yes!” Ellie moaned as her body jiggled in time with Lilith’s thrust.
Lilith climbed on top of Ellie and started to thrust deeper and faster.
Ellie moaned louder and clung onto Lilith’s back.
“Don’t you dare stop!” Ellie moaned into Lilith’s ear.
Ellie’s legs buckled and bounced as her body shook. She was at her limit.
“Fuck just like that.” Ellie whispered, feeling her energy leave her as Lilith humped faster.
“Fuck fuck fuck!” Ellie yelled, hitting her orgasm.
“Well someone’s got a dirty mouth.” Lilith said, pulling out and putting the toy away.
Ellie laid there on the bed panting. It’d been too long since she’d been fucked that hard.
“All set?” Lilith said, climbing into bed beside her.
“You didn’t have to finish me off.” Ellie said.
“Course I did, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t.” Lilith argued.
Ellie wrapped her arms around Lilith before pulling the bullymong blanket over them both.
“Thank you.” Ellie whispered into Lilith’s ear.
“You’re welcome, you can worship your firehawk some more tomorrow.” Lilith teased, kissing Ellie’s forehead.
The two fell asleep in each other’s arms.