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There are many challenges to running a school for mutant children, but perhaps one of the most annoying – yes, even more annoying than the frankly alarming amounts of property damage – are the little kleptomaniacs that keep stealing board games from his and Charles’s room. It’s Tuesday night, his and Charles’s private game night, and once again The Forgotten Age expansion has disappeared from their shelves as if it had magically grown two legs and walked through the nearest wall. Which it probably had. But no matter; the great Magneto could always steal it back. Erik grins his most terrifying grin as he turns the corner to the rec room – only to find a group of students playing Smash and the campaign expansion in question abandoned on a table. Erik scowls and sweeps over to the table. Really, if the little gremlins were going to lift things from his room they could at least have the courtesy to play it. Really, The Forgotten Age is one of the best campaigns, and, to top it off, the students are so glued to the TV screen they’re not even paying attention to him. Dramatic rescue foiled, Erik’s scowl deepens. There’s no point in scolding the students if it looks like he spent all of dinner planning it. Now he’s going to be early to game night.
Except, when Erik enters their bedroom sitting area, he finds Charles is already waiting for him at the table. Erik blinks. Charles isn’t generally late, emergencies notwithstanding, but in the decades since game night became a thing, he’s never been 30 minutes early. (Yes, he allocated 25 minutes to lecture the students, what of it?)
He mentally nudges Charles. Even after all this time, it’s difficult for Erik to voice gentle concern. Everything alright?
“Hm, oh yes,” Charles answers absently. “I was just thinking…” Charles pauses when he catches sight of the box tucked under Erik’s arm. “Well, would you be interested in a round of chess tonight instead?”
Erik can’t put the game down fast enough. Hands now free, he uses them to brace against Charles’s wheelchair and capture his mouth in a kiss. He’s about to maneuver the chair for better access when Charles gently pushes Erik off of him.
“I meant an actual game of chess,” Charles clarifies.
Erik stares. The two of them have a rather sophisticated code. Arkham Horror means Arkham Horror, Magic Maze means Magic Maze, Fields of Arle means. Well, Charles actually won’t play that one with him anymore. Claimed Erik was a sore winner, but Erik couldn’t help that Genosha Farm was undefeated. The point stands though; 'a round of chess' has always meant sex. Erik can’t remember the last time they finished an actual game of chess. He thinks this loudly then, for good measure, intones, “I can’t remember the last time we finished an actual game of chess.”
“I think you were in solitary,” Charles supplies with his annoyingly perfect memory. Seeing Erik about to protest – really, Charles is a telepath, how does he always say the wrong thing – Charles hastily adds the not much better “Have you heard about the Sinquefield Cup?”
Erik arches an eyebrow. “You know I haven’t.”
Charles explains, “Well, it’s a chess tournament. In short, Hans Niemann had a great run, even beating current world champion, Magnus Carlsen. Carlsen then withdrew from the tournament and made vague statements, which people interpreted as Carlsen thought Niemann was cheating.
Now this is an over the board tournament. The two players are sitting across from each other. The only way Niemann could be cheating is if he was somehow communicating with someone outside the game who was giving him engine-backed moves. Granted, Niemann has cheated in the past, online, and has admitted to that, but he’s also very good and on a recent over the board streak.
Another grandmaster, Hikaru Nakamura, reviewed the game and outright accused Niemann of cheating. Meanwhile Carlsen has gone radio silent, Niemann denies any allegations of cheating, and people online are taking sides.” Charles pauses. “A popular 'theory' is that Niemann was being fed moves by vibrating anal beads.”
Erik, who is quite skilled in the art of eyebrow arching, is not sure he can arch said eyebrow any higher. “In a world with telepaths, the best people can come up with is vibrating anal beads?”
Charles laughs. Count on Erik to immediately find a better way of skirting the rules “At any rate, I was wondering if you’d be interested in a game of chess with anal beads.”
Erik stares at Charles’s mouth. Reminisces about the last time he had those lips around his dick, which – is it already September? It’s been entirely too long. “Are you sure we can’t just skip to the sex?” He is a grown man; it does not come out petulantly.
“You can pick the game next week.”
Erik gestures at the box. “It’s already my turn to pick.”
“You can pick whatever you want.”
“Deal.”
---
Fifteen minutes later, Erik emerges from the bathroom to find Charles waiting for him with an array of metal dildos and no anal beads laid out on their bed. Erik’s eyes narrow. “You can’t be serious.”
Charles bites back a sigh. Only Erik would argue over sex. “It’s not like you can’t reshape them when we’re done.”
Erik brandishes one of the larger dildos. “But not my favorite one!”
“Fine, don’t use that one, but you’ll also need to make a chess set, so—"
“Wait, why do we need a chess set? I made us one for our—" Erik pauses. He actually can’t remember which anniversary he made it for. “… tenth anniversary,” he hedges. That sounds about right.
“And it’s a lovely set, but we’ve never played with it, so it’s, well. I’m not quite sure where it is.”
“You lost it?”
“'Lost' is such a strong word. How about 'misplaced?'”
“You misplaced it?”
“No, you’re right, that really doesn’t sound better.” Charles continues undeterred, “I’m sure it’s in one of the libraries. We can look for it tomorrow.”
Erik cradles the dildo. “I’m not taking apart Magnus because you misplaced the chess set I made for our tenth anniversary.” It was definitely the tenth anniversary.
“You named a dildo? You named a dildo after yourself?”
“You’ve always praised my dick, maybe I just wanted to try it out for myself!”
Charles rolls his eyes. It’s at least half an inch longer than Erik, but he knows better than to say it. “Well, you can either fashion it into chess pieces for one hour, or we can play on the ten-in-one board game set.”
“That’s plastic. I can’t play on plastic.”
Charles sighs, and Erik flashes what he probably considers a subtle victory grin. Charles admirably converts the urge to facepalm into a temple rub when he notices that Erik is now half hard. Of course he’s getting off on this. He turns to roll out of the room, already combing his memory for where they put the chess set.
“Oh, and Erik? That chess set was for our second anniversary. Nowhere near the tenth.”
---
An hour and a chess set quest later, it becomes painfully evident that they might not have planned this venture well. An anomaly for sure; they are both excellent planners.
Erik shifts in his seat. Gravity pulls the heavy anal beads downwards, where they slide against each other, stretching him just on the side of uncomfortable. “So,” Erik begins, levitating a pawn to E4. “These don’t exactly have a vibrating function.”
Charles responds by moving a pawn of his own, then meets Erik’s gaze. “That’s a good point,” he acknowledges. “Perhaps you could try vibrating them using your powers?”
“You want me to vibrate them myself?” Erik asks disbelievingly. Moves his king-side knight. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”
“I suppose I could use your powers to vibrate them?” Charles offers, mirroring Erik’s play.
Erik moves his bishop and frowns. “But then you’d know my strategy.”
Charles lifts an eyebrow and his second knight. “I thought you didn’t care about the actual game,” he says mildly.
Erik, now using his powers to hold the beads in a more comfortable position, studies the board. Advances a second pawn, considers some more. If they don’t finish the game, it’s not like he actually loses. “… Alright,” he allows. Immediately, he can feel Charles in his head. A split second later, his powers release the beads, and they fall against each other, causing him to badly jolt. Charles offers him a sheepish grin, and adjusts the beads back into a more comfortable position.
For the next several turns, Charles shifts the beads after each move, and, after each move, Erik continues to jump. Deciding to take mercy on him, Charles gives Erik a few turns of reprieve, but by the time Charles remembers them, they’re deep in mid-game, and Erik’s gone completely soft. Charles decides to brush a bead against Erik’s prostate, and this time, Erik yelps and stills the beads with his powers.
“Too much?” Charles asks apologetically.
Erik exhales for several seconds before releasing his hold on the beads. “I’m okay.”
Still, when Erik continues to shift uncomfortably after the second and fourth and seventh next moves, Charles gives up and just holds the beads in place. It’s the first game of chess they’ve finished in decades. At least, Charles consoles himself, he won.
---
Contrary to Erik’s claims, Charles is not a gossip. He’s a telepath; it’s inevitable that he picks up on the discussion of the day. In fact, one could make the case that Erik is allergic to small-talk and just willfully unobservant of idle conversation. Not that Charles would ever stoop so low to tell Erik that to his face.
“The prep leak just doesn’t hold up to scrutiny,” Hank explains. “Sure Magnus has never played queen to G3 before, but he preps with friends. Who would have leaked it?”
See, I told you everyone is talking about it, Charles sends Erik as they enter the teachers’ lounge. (An 'I told you' is completely different than calling Erik out on his lack of social grace, and, even if it wasn’t, his posture is excellent.) Erik is about to respond when—
“Did you hear that Hans offered to play naked?” Peter blurts out. Then he catches sight of Charles and Erik, and, realizing that he’s late to his fifth period class for the third time this week, speeds off without another word.
“… Anyway,” Jean says, ignoring Peter’s comment. “I agree that the prep leak doesn’t hold up to scrutiny, but Magnus loses with some regularity, and I’ve never seen him take it out on the other player like this.”
Charles, however, isn’t quite able to ignore Peter’s comment. Naked chess! he suggests to Erik.
Erik sighs and retrieves their lunches from the break room fridge. Charles, we invented naked chess in the 60s.
Naked chess, but not naked chess. Charles insists.
You’re being ridiculous. Erik thinks back. There’s no reason not to just skip straight to the chess.
Erik has never been the most patient of men, but Charles still gapes at him. I know you know what delayed gratification is.
Oh is that what last night was? Erik grumps. His ass is still sore, and he didn’t even an orgasm out of it.
Charles rolls his eyes. I said I was sorry. Does that mean you don’t want to play naked chess tonight?
Erik pauses. Naked chess or naked chess?
Charles smiles.
---
“We really need to update our code to differentiate between chess and whatever this is.” Erik dismissively gestures at the chess board. At least Charles is naked too. Erik lets his eyes roam over Charles’s chest and arms before lingering on his collarbone. Imagines sucking a bruise into it.
“'Whatever this is?' You mean the actual chess game we’re playing right now,” Charles teases. “Also, it’s your turn.”
Erik blinks. So it is. He moves a piece at random, and Charles smirks knowingly. “How about sexy chess?”
Charles arches an eyebrow. “For the actual game? Wouldn’t it make more sense for 'sexy chess' to refer to the actual sex?”
“That’s essentially calling it 'sexy sex.' You can’t use 'sexy' to describe actual sex.”
Charles concedes this with a psychic brush of fingers along Erik’s inner thigh. Erik is just about to abandon the game when Peter bursts into the room. “The east wing is on fire, and it’s not my fault. Okay yes, I got bored hall monitoring, so I took a walk around town, but that didn’t take more than a minute, maybe two, okay fine it was closer to three, and when I got back, everything was on fire and why are you both naked?”
Erik sits back down and tries to subtly inch his chair closer to the table. The chair scrapes loudly against the wooden floor.
Charles coughs. “Why don’t you get Ororo? We’ll meet you there.”
Peter can’t leave fast enough. Erik buries his head in his hands. “I knew trying sexy chess again was a bad idea.”
Charles wheels towards the bedroom. “The alternative was your son walking in on us having sex,” he says with disturbing calmness. Charles pauses at the doorway to their bedroom. “Are you coming?”
“Tonight? I somehow doubt it.” Erik grouses but follows Charles to get dressed.
---
“My life is over,” Peter laments.
Logan, having worked open the break room window, climbs out onto the balcony and lights a cigar. “Xavier doesn’t fire anyone, bub.”
Ororo smiles sympathetically. “Things like this have happened to all of us. Everything will be okay.”
“What? No, this isn’t about the fire. I walked in on Dad and the Professor playing chess.” Peter takes a quick breath, his version of pausing dramatically. “Naked chess.”
Logan shuts the window. Ororo coughs. Raven removes her lunch from the microwave and takes a hearty bite. “Naked chess? Isn’t that redundant? I thought all their chess was naked chess. It’s their euphemism for sex, you know.”
Peter’s eyes widen in horror. “You mean all these years of chess matches have been them planning out when to have sex?”
Raven scoffs. “They haven’t exactly been subtle about it.”
Ororo grimaces. “It’s true. When I was a student, our senior prank was hiding their chess set. Then I started working here, and they continued having biweekly 'chess' games despite never finding it. I don’t even think they noticed.”
“At least you don’t have to hear all their sex thoughts,” Jean comments. “Magneto thinks very loudly, and half the time the Professor forgets to shield his thoughts. In fact, just the other day—”
Peter wails.
---
Next Tuesday, Erik waits outside of Charles’s seventh period class to walk him back to their rooms for a short break before office hours begin. Normally Charles finds this part of their daily routine charming, but today Charles has been dreading this, and, sure enough, Erik immediately launches into, “I was thinking Star Wars: Rebellion for tonight.”
Charles groans. “Absolutely not. Veto.”
“You can’t veto, you gave me a free pick!”
“You get way too excited about blowing up planets with the Death Star.”
Erik’s eyes gleam. “I’m the perfect amount of excited about blowing up planets.”
“It’s unsettling.”
“Fine, I won’t re-enact the planet explosions with my powers this time.”
“Will you also not make a miniature Princess Leia in a cage and cart her around the galaxy? And what about the other battles?”
“You can’t ban me from completely using my powers! That’s half the fun.”
“Fine, you can use your powers, but only if I get to play the empire this time.”
“I’m not playing the rebels. They only start with fourteen miniatures!”
“Let’s just play something else,” Charles pleads. “How about The Search for Planet X? You like The Search for Planet X.”
“You mean The Search for Asteroid M. The Search for Planet X is a stupid name.”
“We’ve already been over this. There are already asteroids in the game, the goal can’t be searching for an asteroid when there are already four of them.”
“Sure you can, Asteroid M is bigger than the rest of them.”
Seeing that this is going nowhere, Charles changes tack. “How about Battleship?”
“Too long.”
“Too long? Star Wars takes three hours, and Battleship is too long? You know what, fine, Codenames?”
“We did that two weeks ago.”
“Ganz schön—"
“Oh my god, can the two of stop talking about sex for ten minutes?”
Charles swivels guiltily to face Raven. He hadn’t even noticed her behind them. Erik, of course, has no shame. “Excuse me?” he asks imperiously.
“We all know that 'chess' is code for 'sex.'” Raven says impatiently.
Erik short-circuits. How could they possibly have known—
“Yes,” Charles says patiently. “But the rest of them aren’t. You can’t seriously think we’re having sex for two hours every Tuesday?”
Erik recovers rather admirably if he does say so himself. “Did you think each game was code for a certain sex act or something?”
For someone blue, Raven goes impressively red. “You know what, never mind.” She turns and practically flees the way she came.
“Your office is in the other direction!” Erik shouts to her retreating back.
Meanwhile Charles unsubtly touches his temple. “Oh, now that’s an idea. What would you say to a game of sexy Jenga?”