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It feels like an awful history is repeating itself, as she and Tim step inside of the apartment she had once shared with Jackson, and those awful memories of her friend and roommate’s death have returned with a vengeance, along with an awful ache in her chest because he’d died far too young, without ever getting a chance to meet his full potential. Lucy isn’t naive about the risks that their jobs entail; every police officer has to be prepared to lay down their life in the line of duty otherwise they can’t do their job properly, but getting ambushed by strangers in the middle of the night, deliberately getting targeted for no reason at all?
Sure, it has everything to do with their work, if this is someone coming after them who’s angry about an arrest, blaming them for ruining their lives, but as much as one may try to prepare themselves for the possibility of losing their own lives or losing the people that they work with on a daily basis, it doesn’t hurt any less when it actually happens. Aaron could die, because he and Celina had been maliciously and brutally attacked and they don’t know why and they don’t know who, and until the people responsible are put behind bars, none of them are going to feel safe, especially after Bailey and John had been attacked in their own home and Leah could have been kidnapped.
A whimper escapes her lips before she even realizes it, and Tim is bringing her into his arms, and she’s clutching at his shirt with her fingers, and there is nowhere else she feels safer than in his embrace, and Lucy almost wants to smack her past self for being in denial about her feelings for Tim for so long. She could have had this all along but she’d been scared about changing their relationship and losing their friendship, and even before they had started dating she had known that she wouldn’t survive losing him, because he means so much to her, and the rookie she had been wouldn’t ever be able to believe that they have made it to this point where she leans on Tim and he does the same with her in return.
He’s the one that she wants to share everything with - her joy, her sorrow, her fears, her dreams - and in return Tim gives her everything that she has ever wanted and craved, a solid and healthy relationship with someone she respects and who gives her the same respect in return, who had willingly transferred out of her chain of command to ensure that Lucy didn’t have to switch stations and stop working with the people they call family. They’ve technically only been dating a few months now, and in most relationships that would mean they still have so much to get to know about each other, but Tim and Lucy have been working together for a lot longer than they have been dating, and she thinks she’s settled enough to consider marriage, if they ever decide to have that conversation in the near future. Not now, not with their friend in the hospital and the perpetrators out there, but someday she wants to marry him, her friend and partner, her soulmate and the man who has helped her become a better cop.
She cries into his chest and somewhere along the way she mentions Jackson’s name and Tim is leading her over to the couch, and she can’t help but recall how he had comforted her in the aftermath of Jackson’s death, bringing her back to his place when she couldn’t come home because the pain was too fresh and raw and they needed to get themselves together in order to find Angela. Even then he had already become her safe place, her home, and somehow they had gone on to date other people despite knowing deep down that they were meant to be together, neither of them willing to take the risk to take their relationship to the next level and convincing themselves that they were happy to settle with Ashley and Chris, until it was taken out of their hands and an undercover assignment had made it clear that the chemistry between them couldn’t be contained or denied anymore.
Boy, is Lucy glad that they got their heads on straight and didn’t continue denying the obvious otherwise she wouldn’t have the right to grab his face and press her lips to Tim’s, and he’s quick to respond like always before they touch their foreheads, reminding one another that they’re still alive and breathing and to be grateful for it, especially while Aaron is in the hospital fighting for his life.
“He’s going to be okay, Lucy,” Tim breaks the silence, brushing his thumb over her cheek and she instinctively leans into his touch. “Aaron is going to make it through, you know how strong he is, and we are going to find the guys who did this, because nobody goes after one of our own without paying the consequences for it.” There’s a ferocity in his tone that’s not surprising, because Tim has always been protective of his colleagues and the people that work under him, and she prays for anyone who ends up getting on his wrong side. But even if to the outside world he seems like someone with a rough exterior who is hard to read and hard to get through to, she considers herself fortunate enough to see the heart that beats underneath his chest and the softie that he is when it comes to the people he loves and cares about. “But I need you to promise me something,” he whispers, his breath hit against her face and she tilts her face up, staring into Tim’s blue eyes, which are staring right into her soul. “I need you to be careful, Lucy, because I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.”
I can’t lose you the way that I lost her. Tim’s words from a few weeks ago echo in her head, and she knows this man sitting in front of her has gone through his fair share of trauma, more than he should have ever had to experience and he’s battled against the insecurities of not feeling good enough, the guilt over feeling Isabel and the fear of turning out like his abusive father. The last thing she would ever want to do is cause him another trauma. “I can’t lose you either,” she whispers, resting her hand over his heart, knowing that they should be getting into bed but right now she just wants to cherish this moment, because Aaron is lying in a hospital bed and it so easily could have been one of them.
“I’m scared,” she confesses, and in this apartment, with nobody else around to overhear and judge Lucy for feeling scared as a trained police officer, she can truly tell Tim anything without worrying about him looking down on her or making her feel invalid for her emotions. It wouldn’t be a healthy relationship if she couldn’t bare her heart and soul out to her boyfriend.
“That’s okay,” he says, rubbing her back gently, fingers drawing circles on her shirt, and they’re both exhausted from having been woken up in the middle of the night and drawn into action, and they need to get some rest before joining the manhunt for the group that’s terrorizing their squad. “I’m scared too, but we’ll get through this together, okay?” He rests his hand on her chin, forcing a smile onto his face for her sake.
“Come on,” he takes her hand and leads her into the bedroom, both of them kicking off their shoes silently and falling into the bed together without bothering to change their clothes, well aware that it won’t be long before they’ll be getting up again and neither of them having the energy for anything not urgent right now. Tim pulls her towards him, eliminating the small gap between them on the bed, putting his arm around her so she can rest her head on his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart, and before she knows it her eyes are falling to a close and her body is succumbing to the rest that she so desperately needs, and Tim is quick to follow her.