Chapter Text
When do we truly start living? What causes us to truly feel alive for the first time? Some may say that they start living from the moment they’re born, literally. Or after their first kiss. Or when they first fell in love. Or the first time they experienced pain. Now, is there also a moment when we stop living? Not when we die, but when we give up or lose hope. When everything feels meaningless and useless. What do we do in these moments? We can try to remember what it felt like to be truly alive. Or someone can remind us what caused us to feel alive for the very first time.
But, what happens when the person who made us feel so alive is also the person who caused us to stop living?
Spring 2006
She was quick. That was obvious. Even as a short 8-year-old, no one could quite catch her. As she weaved through the crowds, she could hear her mother shouting her name and she couldn’t help but laugh when she turned to see her mother chasing her, with a furious look on her face. Today was her first official karting race of the season, and her mother had insisted on putting her hair up in braids, which she despised. So, she did what any sane 8-year-old would do—she ran as fast as she could. She felt the adrenaline running through her as she picked up her pace and spared a second glance backward to see if her mother had caught up, but she didn’t see her. Instead, she ran straight into another body and fell hard to the ground.
The body next to her groaned and made a noise. “Ow.”
She rushed to get up, feeling embarrassed at her clumsiness. “I’m sorry! I wasn’t looking and–”
“It’s okay.” A boy’s voice with an accent interrupted her, saving her from rambling. She looked up when she heard his voice and tried to figure out where his accent was from. She must have been staring for a while because she then realized that the boy was looking at her strangely. She had never felt so embarrassed in her entire life. Here she was, first race of the season, and she was staring at another boy (that she had just knocked to the ground) like an idiot.
Her cheeks flushed pink as she stuck her hand out to introduce herself, “I’m Alessia.”
He smiled and shook her hand. “Max.” As Alessia shook his hand, her belly started feeling weird. Was it nerves? Sure, this boy was taller than her, but Alessia had never felt nervous around boys . He was just a boy. She had met countless boys in karting and she always managed to beat them on the track. There was nothing for her to be nervous about. Yet, she couldn’t quite believe that herself.
Just as she was going to ask Max if it was his first year in the championship as well, she heard a shout. “Alessandra Malia Montez!” Alessia turned to see her mother charging towards her furiously. “Don’t you dare run away from me like that again! Especially with hundreds of people just walking around!” Her mother was clearly out of breath and Alessia felt terrible. She could understand why her mother was worried; they were on a different continent and far from home. Her mom, dad, older brother, and younger sister had come to Europe from California to help her pursue her dream. They were sacrificing a lot and it seemed that her mom had been more worried than usual.
“Sorry… will it help if I tell you I made a new friend?” She glanced sideways at Max. She wasn’t sure if they were friends. Yet. Unless you counted knocking someone down to the ground as making new friends. But, her mom had been pestering her about making new friends who also raced, so here she was. “This is Max.”
Max looked at her confused, “We’re friends?” He didn’t know why he said that, but he felt as if he had just kicked a puppy. But, could you blame him? He had just met the girl, and his first impression was her running straight into him and knocking him down.
“Well, I guess you could be my best friend since I don’t know anyone else here. Also, I think that fall makes us closer than ever if you ask me!” She had a matter-a-fact expression on her face and he couldn’t argue with her logic, so he agreed with her.
“Okay…” he looked up towards Alessia’s mother and gave her a small smile, “Hi.”
“Hi, Max! It’s nice to meet you! I’m Alessia’s mom, Malia, and I’m gonna have to steal her away for now. Where are your parents?”
Max felt disappointed. He didn’t know why, but he did. “They’re back there. I was just heading back to them now. Bye Alessia, good luck.” He smiled at her and waved as he walked away.
“Bye, Max. Smell you later.” She smiled as he walked away.
If Max wasn’t confused enough, that sent him over the edge. Did he really smell that bad? He kept walking but he smelled his shirt when she wasn’t looking, just in case. Max found that he couldn’t smell anything out of the ordinary and decided that Alessia was just an odd girl.
“He seems nice! Now, it’s time to focus on your race Alessandria. No time for distractions, let’s go.” Her mother pushed her in the direction of her tent so she could finish getting ready. As she saw her kart come into view with the number 5 on it, she couldn’t help but smile big. She had started her day off full of nerves for her first race in the World Karting Championship, but she felt strangely calm now. She was as hyper as any other 8-year-old of course, but her determination to win any race had set in. This was gonna be a good race. She could feel it.
It wasn’t a good race.
But that was okay. She finished her race, even after a concerning amount of bumps with the other drivers. Alessia managed to bump the most into one driver in particular, who she later found out to be Charles Leclerc. This would be the first “bump” of many more and Alessia would argue for years that it was not her fault, while Charles would say the contrary.
At the end of the race, her mother and father raced towards her as she jumped out of her car. They hugged her tightly, showering her with praises. They truly were her biggest fans, especially her dad. “Amazing job, Cariño. You did incredible!” Her brother, Emiliano, and her sister, Theta, were jumping up and down as she headed back to where they were seated. Her mom had insisted that she needed more friends, but Alessia didn’t get why when she had her two siblings as her best friends. Well, two of three best friends now. Three was enough friends, right? Regardless, she would try to make her mom happy and make new friends.
“Sia, you did so good!” Emiliano and Theta gave her a big hug as they ruffled her hair. She couldn’t help but laugh out of pure happiness. The three siblings began jumping up and down celebrating Alessia’s first race, when her father snuck out his camera to take a picture of the three of them. The joy on their faces was hard to capture but he never stopped trying. The family decided to take one picture of all of them to remember Alessia’s very first race and the happiness they all felt.
After the celebrations, Alessia was leaving when two drivers caught her eye. They were talking excitedly with big hand movements and she couldn’t help but stare. She was always told that she was “too loud” or “too much”, but every kid she met at the track was also “too loud”. The boys turned around and caught her staring. That was the second time today she was caught staring. She should have been embarrassed but the race had caused her to feel more bold and outgoing than usual. So, she approached them and smiled. “Good job out there! I’m Alessia.”
The taller boy answered. “Hi! I’m Alex, and this is George.”
“Hi, Alessia.” George smiled. “Good job to you too! It’s our first race in the championship.”
“Mine too!” Alessia turned around to see her parents motioning for her to speed it up, cutting her conversation extremely short. She rolled her eyes and looked back at the boys. “Well, I gotta go. Bye!”
“Bye!” The boys shouted after her and looked at each other confused.
“Well, she’s nice! Anyways, you should’ve seen his face after the race–” Alex chattered along to George as Alessia walked away.
As Alessia and her family walked towards their car, she spotted the boy with dirty blonde hair from earlier, Max. When he turned in her direction, she smiled big and waved. He smiled back and was about to wave when a man behind him said something to him. Max put his arm down and turned around sadly. Alessia was confused at the scene before her, but she was sure about one thing; she did not like the man behind Max. Unfortunately, this would be a recurrence for many more years.
Years down the road, when Alessia is at her parent’s house looking through her old photos and she stumbles upon the one with her and her two siblings at her very first race, she smiles big. Sometimes there’s tears in her eyes, but she’s always happy. In that moment, she decides that that was the day her life truly started.