Chapter Text
“Josh? A little help here?” Tyler half-whimpered, his face pulled into a tight grimace. He could hear Josh laughing at him, the asshole- he’d insisted on moving his drum set from his room to the garage so he could worry less about all of the racket he was making, but Tyler still didn’t know why that involved him. Granted, they spent practically every minute together regardless of whether or not they were in school, but lifting heavy things wasn’t exactly Tyler’s forte. Basketball wasn’t the best for muscle-building.
Tyler groaned under the weight of the large bass drum, both of his arms barely wrapping around half of the instrument. It slowly started to slip from his grasp, and the only thing that saved it from tumbling to the ground was the lugs on the side that provided a big of grip to the smooth, circular surface.
“Sorry, sorry.” Josh grunted, his hands brushing Tyler’s and the heavy weight of the bass drum suddenly a lot lighter. Stupid strong drummers and their capable arms.
Josh spent a couple of minutes rearranging the set with tender, loving touches, as if he was handling a newborn baby and not a drum set that was meant for hitting and smashing and other assorted loud noises. It was quite endearing, actually, the way Josh looked at his instrument with such pride and passion.
Josh was amazing at playing the drums- after knowing him for over a year and a half, Tyler had gotten plenty of time to listen to Josh do what he truly did best. He dabbled in piano, ukulele and a bit of writing himself, but he was nothing compared to Josh. In his own opinion, at least. Josh would definitely say otherwise.
He was a bit quiet to people who didn’t know him and always very humble, but once Josh opened up to Tyler he saw a whole new world inside of his personality. It was sparkling and bubbly and everything Tyler needed to truly feel comfortable with another human being who never doubted the validity of his existence for a second.
Maybe it was easier being friends with someone who didn’t know he was trans after Tyler had lost all of his old friends when he came out. In result, he’d found better people like Josh, but it still struck a sense of fear into Tyler’s heart when he thought about being completely honest with him, no matter how much he trusted him. His other friends had somewhat known him since the start of high school and they stuck by him when he started transitioning, but Josh hadn’t moved schools until a year later.
It wasn’t like it mattered much, anyways. They were best friends and nothing could change that. Nothing could change the way Tyler felt his heart warm up when they played video games on Josh’s bed and the way Tyler yearned when he saw the real Josh- the Josh that wasn’t pretending to be anyone else, the Josh that was sweet and genuine and totally perfect. If perfect meant that he was a somewhat flawed human being like every other person on the planet was. Josh was just... one of the good ones, the kind and understanding ones.
Tyler knew his crush was hopeless, so it didn’t hurt him too much when he forced himself to push it to the side so he could be a good friend to Josh. They were friends and nothing more- Tyler didn’t even know if Josh liked anyone in a non-platonic way. He never opened up about crushes except his one ex-girlfriend, Debby, and even then he didn’t have much to say about her except that things ended mutually when she moved schools and that they still talked sometimes.
He was fine with what they had because it was still the best thing Tyler could’ve ever hoped for.
Josh cracked a smile once he felt satisfied with his arrangement, and he motioned Tyler back into the house without bothering to test out his new setup. Most likely because it was extremely loud and Josh was too nice to force Tyler through that after he’d mentioned he had a headache while they were walking to Josh’s house. He had an insanely good memory, apparently, but only when it came to Tyler. Everything else (namely, homework and chores) totally went one ear and out the other and it never got done. Tyler had to force him to stay on track, even when all he wanted was to marathon X-Files with Josh and bro-cuddle.
Tyler followed him into the kitchen and settled down onto one of the high chairs as Josh dug through the fridge. He rose a minute later, victorious with a soda in each hand.
“Wanna take turns playing Bioshock?” He offered with a cute little tilt of his head and a quirk of his eyebrows.
“You’re on.” Tyler said with a nod. He slid out of the chair and walked in stride with Josh to his room, closing the door after himself and flopping onto Josh’s bed with a sigh.
Josh walked over to his computer monitor that hooked up to his X-Box on the desk past the edge of his bed and turned it on to set up the game. Tyler, in turn, got comfortable under Josh’s dark blue blanket and took a moment to close his eyes and yawn. He was sleepy-tired and snuggly instead of cranky and sleep deprived, luckily, and it felt like heaven to bundle himself up in the covers and space out until Josh joined him on the bed.
“Tired? You wanna just sleep?” Josh said with a twinge of genuine concern in his voice, like he was the one stopping Tyler from his apparent one true desire of passing out in his bed for a good, old-fashioned power nap when they were supposed to be interacting with each other.
“Nah, I’m good. I wanna play, I’ll nap later.” Tyler reassured him before grabbing the bright red controller. He scooted back on the bed so he was leaning against a stack of matching indigo pillows, his thigh brushing Josh’s and their feet occasionally knocking together. It was relaxed and fun and perfect like how hanging with Josh pretty much always was. They got competitive with how many splicers they could kill in the course of five minutes, and Tyler ended up claiming victory. First-person shooters just weren’t Josh’s thing like how they were for Tyler.
After the soda-induced sugar rush faded away and they got tired of playing Bioshock, Tyler could feel himself slowly drifting off in the warmth of the room and with the comfort of Joshua Dun the portable body pillow. Tyler shamelessly wrapped his limbs around the bright candy apple red haired boy and closed his eyes, stifling a yawn by shoving his face in Josh’s collarbone. Forget being weird about touching hands or long hugs, Tyler was totally fine with any contact with Josh, even if it was a little more than platonic in his own eyes.
He could live like this in the moment if it meant not having to worry about the nagging fears in the back of his mind.
~*~
“Muupphf. Josh.” Tyler grumbled as he slowly blinked open his eyes and immediately decided against it and instead shoved his face in a pillow, inhaling Josh’s scent and grasping around the bed to find his friend. He heard Josh’s voice from the corner of the room where his desk was and forced himself to emerge from his warm and slightly lonely cocoon.
“Right here. Good afternoon, sleepyhead.” He said casually, as if he wasn’t aware that it would make Tyler blush into the bed mattress before he could pull himself up into a sitting position. Josh was doing homework, which was a rare sight indeed. He must’ve gotten bored with waiting for Tyler to wake up as well as bored with scrolling through Netflix.
Josh spun around in his chair to face Tyler. He tucked a few stray, messy curls behind his ear and tilted his head to the side. He looked quite like a kitten with the way he moved and the expressions he made- his big, soft eyes and baby pout, his sharp and jumpy movements, and of course, Josh’s tendency to literally curl up when he slept made him seem more cat-like. It also happened to make the fact that he was a future crazy cat man even more realistic. Tyler was a dog man himself, but Josh slowly gave him a soft spot for cats until he couldn’t look at the animal the same way without thinking of his friend.
“What?” Josh asked, an amused smirk splayed on his face. Tyler realized he’d been staring and he shook himself. He did that way too often for it to be normal, but Josh didn’t seem to be anything but confused when Tyler got lost in thought while looking at him with a soft expression.
“Nothing, just thinking about how you’re essentially one big kitten.”
“I am not.” Josh pouted, but Tyler could pick out the swell of pride in his chest and the proud tone in his voice. He loved stupid pet names and anything to do with animals, which was disgustingly cute and totally on Tyler’s “Future To Do’s When Josh Is My Real Life Boyfriend” list.
Josh spun back around in his chair and took a sip out of his “World’s Best Dad” mug that he constantly jacked from the kitchen. “Having fun doing homework?” Tyler asked while he twiddled with a loose thread on his plain black hoodie. It was actually Josh’s, but he’d never asked for it back after lending it to Tyler, so he just kept wearing it long after it stopped smelling like Josh and more like a mix between the two of them. Not that Tyler was a smell master, of course, but he’d done his research and he’d spent enough time around Josh to be able to tell whether his clothes were clean or dirty. It was a little gross, but still impressive all the same.
“As if. Kendani gave us so much work for Lit, I want to rip my hair out and throw it right in his face.” Josh said in a strained voice. Tyler mumbled out a response while he got out of bed to stand behind Josh and sink his fingers against Josh’s bright firetruck red locks. He moved his fingers in small circular patterns all across Josh’s scalp, making sure to get some of his nails involved. Josh seemed to melt when Tyler scratched his head or did anything to pull on his hair, which only proved the fact that he was part cat even further.
Josh let out a low purr as Tyler massaged his scalp and occasionally tugged his hair from the roots for good measure. Josh’s eyes were fluttered shut, his dark lashes falling over the faint trace of freckles that dotted the skin on his cheekbones and space under his eyes ever-so-subtly.
Physically, Josh was absolutely beautiful, but Tyler had really grown to love his little quirk and attitude towards everything rather than his looks. He loved his shy smiles and the way he ducked his head, the calmness that resonated throughout his face when he was drumming, and of course, he loved the way Josh melted when he was touched a certain way. It was as if he got off to friendly cuddles more than anything out, which was totally adorable, if a little abnormal to Tyler’s knowledge of the human race.
It didn’t matter anyways, since when they were together, Tyler didn’t find himself worrying about what other people did or thought, especially when it came to the two of them.
Pretty much no one had given Tyler shit besides a few shitty classmates and his old friends in freshman year, but everyone after then seemed not to care about what Tyler did, just how he liked it in a school full of so many people who seemed all too ready to judge and question him when it really wasn’t any of their business in the first place.
High school before Josh came along was always lacking something- a best friend, a genuine connection, a person Tyler could rely on to always be there and always understand. Josh was primarily that person, besides the fact that Tyler hadn’t told him everything about him that there was to know yet.
For now, though, Tyler had the present. He wanted to make sure Josh was happy above all else, no matter what, and Tyler being happy and loving was usually the key to making Josh happy in return. They were on some sort of strange connected wavelength that tied them together in mood and overall satisfaction in life. Tyler couldn’t sleep knowing Josh was anything but okay, and his best friend was the same way.
Josh was very happy with the head-massage, and he made sure Tyler knew that with a couple of delicious little moans that barely escaped Josh’s lips along with the constant pleased purr.
“Better?” Tyler asked before pulling his hands away. His fingers could only take so much scalp-scratching in one period of time.
“Mmm, yes, thank you.”
Tyler returned to the bed to turn the X-Box back on to watch Netflix. Josh joined him eventually once he’d somewhat finished his homework. They both laid down in sleepy silence until they got too hungry to stay still and mutually decided to snag some food from the kitchen before continuing their Quentin Tarantino appreciation session.
Since Tyler and Josh were sick of pizza and they couldn’t go out and get taco bell, the drummer settled on making turkey and pesto sandwiches with a slice of havarti cheese for the both of them. Josh was the ultimate domestic boyfriend type- he loved to cook (to the best of his abilities), take care of others, and his idea of a perfect date was essentially what friends did when they hung out.
So, in a way, they kind of were already dating. Tyler snickered at the thought, and Josh raised an eyebrow at him in question. It was his way of saying “what’s so funny?” without actually saying anything. “You just- well, you look like such a dad right now.” Tyler said with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Josh grinned back at him quizzically, amusement clear on his face.
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Maybe explain a bit?”
“Well, you’re making sandwiches and you’re wearing a polo shirt. That’s totally what white dads wear, and then they always make healthy food for their kids and their wives. Or husbands. Like, seriously, are you going to bring out beer and watch the football game? Because that’s what that shirt is telling me you’re going to do.” Tyler rambled with a small smile on his face. Josh’s face was unwavering as he intently watched Tyler move his hands around as he was talking.
“Nothing else was clean!” Josh protested and crossed his arms over his baby blue polo shirt. Of course the color made Tyler feel even more validated in his point, and after a moment Josh gave in, rolled his eyes and then finished spreading the last of the pesto onto the slices of whole wheat bread. He then proceeded to cut them into cute little triangles, just like Tyler’s mom had done for him until the point where he started to pack his own lunches.
Tyler took a triangle and took a large bite, humming with a pleased tone. “Mmm, it’s great, honey. How was work today?” Tyler said with his best stereotypical dad voice.
Josh leaned over the counter, brows raised and a silver butter knife in hand. “Thanks, sugar. It was rough. Hard day at the office.” Josh played up before leaning over even further and kissing Tyler’s cheek.
The dark-haired boy did his best not to blush. It wasn’t unusual behavior from Josh, but he never faltered in the act of getting flustered when Josh got touchy-feely or fake-flirty. “I’ll make it up to you tonight, buttercup.” Tyler said sweetly back, following Josh’s torso as he walked across the counter to sit next to Tyler.
Josh’s mom chose to stroll in the kitchen before Josh could respond. Tyler said a quiet hello and nodded his head. The joke was wiped out of the room by the time Mrs.Dun left again and the two boys sat in companionable silence as they ate. They would usually eat in Josh’s room, but it tended to make Josh’s mom upset if she caught them and Tyler did his best to be as nice as possible to her since he spent the majority of the time at the Dun residence.
“Hey, Tyler, is your mom going to pick you up or do you want me to drive you home?” Mrs. Dun called from the living room next door as she approached the kitchen once again to put a couple of dirty dishes next to the sink.
Tyler swallowed and traced the grey-toned granite counter before responding. “Uh, I can text my mom, but if you could take me without it being any trouble, that would be great. Oh, please. Yeah.” Tyler said quietly accompanied with a smile. Mrs.Dun let out a soft coo and brushed away some of the hair from Tyler’s forehead to plant a brief kiss.
“You’re such a sweetheart. It’s totally fine. How about I take you back at nine? That shouldn’t be too late, right? That’ll give you boys an hour.” She said cheerfully as she put away the food Josh had left out before the redhead could protest.
“Are you sure?” Tyler asked hesitantly as he fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie.
“Of course, honey. Just come get me when you’re ready.” Josh’s mom said. She wiped her hands on the towel that was wrapped around the oven’s handles before walking out of the room towards the couch, right where her husband was steadily typing out something most likely work-related.
“My mom loves you, dude. She’d adopt you if she could. I’m kind of jealous, it’s like you’re her favorite son.” Josh snickered as he got out of his chair to finish cleaning up and grab a glass of water. Tyler got up to help him, but Josh waved him away. “I got it, hubby.”
Tyler sat back down with a small blush creeping at his cheeks. “I’m sure that’s not true. Jordan is obviously her favorite.”
Josh huffed out a laugh and threw Tyler a playful look before wiping down the counter quickly. “You’re so mean to me. I don’t know why I married you.”
“I’m doing this for the kids.”
“I want a divorce.”
Tyler narrowed his eyes, a smirk tugging at his lips that tempted to break out into a smile. Josh seemed to have that effect on him. He got up once again to follow Josh back into his room, back onto his soft bed and the lull of violent video games to pass the time.
By the time Josh’s mom peeked into the room, Tyler had successfully killed Josh about 36 times in a Halo deathmatch- not that he was counting.
“You boys almost ready?”
“Yeah.” Josh said almost too abruptly. Tyler stuck his tongue out at him and hopped off the bed to grab his backpack and unplug his phone from where it was charging on the nightstand. Tyler seemed to be more familiar with Josh’s room than his own, sometimes. His clothes hid in corners for Josh to find later along with other traces and hints that would lead Josh to know he’d been there. An extra toothbrush in the bathroom, a pillow Tyler had brought over and never taken back home, and a couple of books for school that pretty much permanently stayed in the Dun’s residence.
Tyler loved knowing that they were that close, and it seemed like everyone else noticed it, too. Josh’s sisters loved to poke and prod at their red-haired brother by making comments about them living together, when the happy announcement would be, blah, blah, blah.
The funny thing was, Josh’s family thought he was straight to Tyler’s knowledge. Of course, they never talked about that stuff. It never came up, or maybe it just meant too much to the two.
All in all, Tyler felt like a part of the family, no matter what his place really was.
Tyler shrugged his bright red backpack on and pulled his hoodie towards his belly button when the sides got caught in the straps of his bag. Josh walked in front of him and got in the backseat with Tyler, as he always did.
Josh’s mom made light conversation on the way to Tyler’s house. Tyler busied himself with polite responses while he texted mom and ignored the warm press of Josh’s thigh against his. The car had so much room, but Josh loved to be right next to him. Most of the time, Tyler caved in and used him as a portable body pillow.
This night was no different. Tyler was starting to get tired once again, as if it was his natural state. He let his head curl and fall down into the groove in between Josh’s shoulder and chest, his favorite resting place for his head. Tyler fell into a comfortable half-sleep until Josh was tapping his shoulder, waking him up from the peaceful rest that laid somewhere in between sleep and grogginess.
“Don’t lose my hoodie. Get some sleep tonight.” Josh said quietly as he walked Tyler up his driveway. The area next to the door was illuminated by a single light, creating dramatic shadows across Josh’s face and darkening his eyes even further than they usually were.
Tyler nodded his head, unable to tear his eyes away from Josh as they stood in front of his door. “I will. You too. About the sleep thing.”
The corner of Josh’s mouth quirked in a tiny smile, and god, Tyler wanted to kiss him.
Josh leaned in, pulling Tyler out of his sleepy trance and into a warm hug that was intimate and not as brief as Tyler would have expected.
“Goodnight.” Josh whispered into Tyler’s neck before he lowered his arms back to his sides and stepped back to glance at Tyler, whose lips were parted ever so slightly, whose breath was held by a thin string or a second of time, whose arm rose to grip his backpack strap as Josh turned away and walked down the pathway through the plants Tyler’s mom had planted the previous weekend.
Tyler let out a tight exhale and waved as the car Josh and his mom were in pulled away, his chest tight and some sort of protest lingering on the edge of his tongue.
Tyler shook his head and opened the door.
~*~
“Why are you giving me that look?” Josh said immediately as he got back into the car. Tyler must’ve been extra tired that night, considering how lost he appeared when he kept staring at Josh with his mouth agape. Josh was more than happy to wrap him up in a warm hug and wish him a good night, but “goodnight” always meant goodbye and Josh didn’t like goodbyes.
He also didn’t like the way his mom held a raised brow towards him, annoyingly knowledgeable and motherly with the worry frown line engraved onto her face.
“You- you alright, honey? You just… don’t seem the same without him.”
Josh rested his cheek on his knuckles, one of his elbows settled on a ridge on the closed car door. He looked out the window quietly, watching the dark world blur by. Everything seemed so blue, so dull and peaceful yet longing for something all at once.
Or maybe it was just nighttime and Josh was lonely.
“He brings out the best in me, Ma. You know this.” Josh huffed out quietly, his eyelids drooping as he blinked slowly at the shadows passing by.
The shadows on Tyler’s face, the way he looked disappointed when Josh pulled away, the way the space around his eyes danced along with his expression as his head tilted lower.
Josh wanted to think he’d looked disappointed, at least.
“Yeah, baby. I know. I…” his mom trailed off with a sad look on her face as she concentrated on the road in front of her.
Josh turned his head and inspected his mother. He was usually good at reading her, but now, it was hard to decipher what she was thinking. “What?” he questioned calmly.
“Well…” she said, chewing on her bottom lip. “Tyler’s a very nice boy, and, well… if you wanted to date him, if you’re already dating him, then that’s fine with me. You know that, right? I don’t want you keeping things from me because you’re scared or something.”
Josh paused in quiet shock. He wasn’t surprised that his mom was accepting, because he’d already known that, but he didn’t think she’d be able to notice that he liked Tyler. They were best friends, after all. They were close.
He knew he’d bring a boy home at some point to meet his family, or something along those lines, but he never expected to become best friends with the very person that he’d wanted to get to know and possibly date since the moment he’d seen him.
Josh remembered when he first met Tyler. He remembered the way he’d been almost too nervous to speak, the way he refused to make eye contact with anyone, the way he said his name. Josh barely remembered the way he looked back then, though. He knew Tyler wouldn’t want Josh to remember the softer curves of his body, the way his face had shifted quickly in the passing months and the way his voice dropped like some form of super-puberty.
He knew there was a reason Tyler became stiff when Josh brushed the edges of his binder, when Josh’s mom asked Tyler about his childhood, but he was going to press. He was a big advocate for letting people speak when they were ready, and Tyler seemed to need more time than Josh had anticipated.
He couldn’t help but fall in love with the individual parts of Tyler, though. His stick-thin and awkward lanky body that didn’t exactly look like it belonged with how his body seemed to want to look, his bright smile, and so many other things that brought out a completely different side in Josh. Tyler seemed to wipe away the quiet, closed of version of Josh, the side of him that seemed to feel too much or too little.
With time, Josh learned to turn off the part of his mind that nipped at his insecurities like a pack of wolves. Most of them were things to do with Tyler, which was contradictory, but Josh wouldn’t have it any other way. He’d never really come to terms with who he was, but still- time. He needed time.
His mom didn’t seem like she was in a rush for answers, and Josh didn’t know how he was supposed to give them. He sat for a minute in silence, trying to think about what he actually did feel without repressing anything important.
“I don’t think I could keep something like that from you, Ma. I wouldn’t want to, but I do like him. I really do. I love him, but I like him, too, if that makes any sense.” Josh near-mumbled as he sat up and fiddled with his fingers in his lap nervously. He was a naturally anxious and twitchy person- one of the many reasons why he played the drums- but it also resulted in making admitting feelings hard when he couldn’t keep his hands from shaking or his damn leg to not jiggle nervously like a lightning-fast kick drum to his heart.
His mom hummed in agreement. “I know, sweet pea. It’s okay. If it makes you feel any better, I’m sure he likes you too.”
Josh mumbled some form of protest to disagree with her, when in reality he really didn’t know what Tyler really thought of him, besides everything that was out in the open in their relationship. Josh hadn’t been completely honest and he knew Tyler wasn’t, obviously, but he wasn’t sure about what that meant.
“Trust me, Josh. I know what I’m talking about.” Josh’s mom followed that sentence with a proud huff of laughter. “I was seventeen once, too.”
“Right.” Josh scoffed playfully with a dramatic roll of his eyes. His mom had to focus on pulling into their driveway, but Josh could tell that she was smiling, too.
Josh stepped out of the car and waited for his mom to get out, watching her form rise and turn to lock the door.
“I won’t bug you about it, but you know I’m right.” His mom said finally before turning towards the door and into the house, leaving Josh to trail behind and go back to his room with a “goodnight to you too, mom”.
In bed, Josh was left with too much to think about, too much to worry and daydream about. If the worrying was bad, the daydreaming was worse.
Josh usually fell asleep to the calming memory of curling around Tyler while the other boy was sleeping, just because he could get away with it and he usually shifted around in his sleep a lot anyways. When he wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep immediately, he was stuck with thinking about memories that stayed clear in his mind as well as some things that never actually happened. Tyler lighting sparklers on the fourth of july with the bright colors illuminating sparks on his lashes and delicate cheeks, the one time they held hands when walking down the street to help deal with the cold, and of course, the dream Josh once had about taking Tyler on a date that woke him up with a warm, tight feeling in his chest.
Josh would have to just enjoy being his friend, and heck, who said they couldn’t go on a platonic bro-date? Josh had plans, and he wasn’t about to let his feelings stop him.