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Jinyoung was reaching his breaking point. They could all see it. The cycle varied in length, sometimes over a month, sometimes a little less than a week. He would disappear for a night, and in the morning he would be fine.
Jackson had taken to calling it his period, and Jaebum had complained that it was worse because there was no consistency.
Luckily no one had noticed that his recovery also corresponded to a midnight visit from Mark, which was just the way they both wanted it anyway.
Mark watched Jinyoung unravel with hunger in his eyes. If anyone noticed they might have attributed it to Mark's particular amusement with punishment, because as Jinyoung fell he could tear the foundation from a skyscraper with his words alone. Mostly they tried to stay out of his way and comforted each other in private if they wandered into his rampage, Jaebum commiserating softly about how he'd had to deal with it all alone before they had all come.
Tonight would be the night, Mark was almost positive. Jinyoung's lips were chapped to the point of bleeding where he'd been chewing on them the past few days. His hands were nearly always at his temples, trying to massage away the headache. But most of all, when Mark made eye contact with him the raw need he felt coursing between them was so intense that Jinyoung looked like he wanted to cry and Mark could feel the hidden thirst rising to the surface.
The wait was the worst part, laying awake, knowing but unable to move until the rest of them slept. Tip toeing through the maknae room and Jinyoung's empty room to the bathroom beyond it.
Sure enough Jinyoung was in the tub, eyes glossy as they followed his entrance into the room.
"I thought we talked about the water," Mark raised an eyebrow, his voice low with arousal, "Empty it now."
Jinyoung's cheeks turned pink and he shifted to undo the plug in the bathtub.
Mark shifted to sit on the edge on the tub and sighed softly as he pulled his pajama top off, "Now you'll be all slippery," he complained, holding out his hand in front of Jinyoung.
The younger eagerly thrust his hand over top of Mark's, dropping a thin razor blade into the outstretched palm, "Three, I need three, please," he informed Mark, the excitement evident in his voice despite it's hush.
"What if I think you only need two...?" Mark asked, eyebrow quirking upwards as the water finally sank below Jinyoung's navel.
"Hyung please," Jinyoung shifted up to sit on his heels, revealing the top of a series of small thin cuts on the inside of Jinyoung's thigh, the water a diluted pink between his legs from the blood.
Marks 'hmm'd softly, "Doesn't seem as bad as last time... And that was only a two... wasn't it?"
Jinyoung's voice shook and his eyelashes came away dewy from his tears when he blinked, "Please Hyung, I can't hold onto it all and I just- please~"
"What would you do if I didn't like to see you this way?" Mark asked, a small grin sliding into place.
"I-I would implode, I would... fall apart. Hyung," Jinyoung breathed, a hand on the side of the tub as he pushed himself up and closer, "I'd die."
Mark leaned in and his gaze fell to the spindly red lines seeping down the drain now that the water was gone, "Would you?" He asked, tone light as he followed the trail back upto Jinyoung's leg.
The younger nodded, "Yes."
Jinyoung looked like he believed it and Mark grinned in response, leaning in to let his lips hover in front of the younger, breathing his air for a moment.
Jinyoung's breath shivered in between them and he reached out to press against Mark's straining erection, "Please Hyung..."
Mark's lips curled up in satisfaction, "Maybe... We'll see how you do with two."
Jinyoung continued to massage Mark's caged erection, whining softly, his voice straining over another pleaded 'Hyung~.'
The red head grinned, his hips lifting to press into Jinyoung's touch, "Take these off for me, huh Jinyoungie~?"
Jinyoung's fingers fumbled to pull Mark's shorts and boxers down, squirming at the sight of Mark's leaking erection.
"I've been waiting two days for you, you were so close to the edge, so I...
have been close to the edge too..."
Jinyoung's expression was somewhere between longing and tortured and he reached forward to slide his fingertips delicately over Mark's head, "So come find it."
The red head was addicted to it, the way Jinyoung was so strong, so solid on camera, his words sounding scripted he was so articulate. And yet, here he was breaking, broken, bleeding.
Jinyoung was an incredibly good actor, but Mark liked it best like this, when Jinyoung looked vulnerable and needy and hung on his every word like he was an inccarnation of God.
Jinyoung had been alright at easing his fears before, but not efficient. Mark had given him release. Some time ago Mark had come after him to try to smooth things out after a fight during one of Jinyoung's episodes and found him in the bathroom razor in hand.
Mark had stared and Jinyoung had been so mortified that he'd frozen, forearm dripping into the sink, squeaking out a soft 'don't tell'. It was less than a minute before Mark was picking his arm up to his lips, leaving soft kisses against his skin.
Jinyoung had tried to pull away, his embarrassment making his eyes water until Mark's tongue, hot and slick, was tracing up the inside of his arm to gather the trail of blood. He wasn't sure who started taking off clothes first, but he did know that he'd never been so turned on in his life.
The next time he'd found Jinyoung he had taken the razor away, ashamed that he hadn't asked Jinyoung the first time whether or not he was trying to kill himself. Jinyoung had reassured him and explained very slowly and uncertainly that he didn't want to die, he just needed help with the living part. The pain helped him bury the insecurities that threatened to overwhelm him.
Jinyoung was a perfectionist, it showed in everything he did, even his technique at this- lips stretched over Mark's tip- was a careful calculation. In the beginning, when they were still figuring things out, Mark had been extra cautious to make sure he hadn't added to Jinyoung's worries.
Now that Jinyoung had learned what he liked he didn't have to worry about that any more because Jinyoung absorbed information and held onto it like a sponge. That in itself was helpful, but he could execute it too, and if he really let Jinyoung get going he could make him come in minutes.
His fingers sank into Jinyoung's hair, pushing him further onto his length, a smirk twitching over his lips at the soft gagging noise. He let the younger pull back just slightly to let him catch his breath before pushing again, groaning as Jinyoung's lips tightened around him.
Jinyoung glanced up at Mark, eyes still glossy and cheeks hollowed out around the redhead's cock, and his fingernails dug into Mark's hips.
"Mmn, babe are you ready," he asked, voice raspy with his arousal as he shifted the razor in his hand.
Jinyoung shook at the sight of silver in Mark's hands and nodded as clearly as he could with Mark still in his mouth.
Mark could feel the tension coiling in his stomach and he was sure that Jinyoung was just as bad, so he didn't waste any more time. He gripped the razor tightly and pushed it down against Jinyoung's shoulder, dragging it down his skin until there was a two inch red cut, blood welling up in the wound already and Mark groaned pushing Jinyoung back off of his cock.
Jinyoung knew the game by now and he turned quickly to brace his hands against the shower wall. The sting of the cut was zinging through his body like electricity and he groaned as he felt the blood bead up to drip down his shoulder blade.
It felt like it was moving too fast but Mark caught it, hot tongue tracing the line back to it's origin.
Jinyoung came apart under him, arching and crying out softly as Mark's tongue pressed into the cut. "Fuck yes, please Hyung, yes..."
Mark couldn't deny that the copper twang made his whole body buzz. When he pressed his tongue to the cut he could feel Jinyoung's heartbeat in the pulse of his blood and he wrapped an arm around him to keep him close as he tugged the younger to his feet.
"Again, Hyung, please again, again, again," the younger pleaded softly, shoulder blades rolling back to pull at the skin and get what he wanted.
Mark pushed Jinyoung's other shoulder into the shower wall hard, "I'd be patient if I were you~"
Jinyoung shuddered and nodded, "Y-yes Hyung... I'm sorry..."
Mark smiled and leaned in, still pressing Jinyoung against the wall as he licked up the new line of blood.
The younger's fingernails scrabbled over the tile of the shower wall and he let out a desperate noise.
This time when Mark's tongue hit the cut he pointed his tongue and pressed in, tracing along it and gathering the taste of copper.
Jinyoung's moan sounded more like a choked sob and he squirmed beneath Mark's hands, "Fuck- please!"
Mark's hand slid over, pulling at the side of the cut to widen it, groaning at the taste. There was something so invigorating about this, about the forbidden nature of it and the control he had over Jinyoung. The young man was desperate to give Mark the reigns, but too much a control freak to be comfortable about it.
This had been a slow and careful process. First Jinyoung had just let him come in after, so Mark had sat outside listening to Jinyoung control his breathing so that he wouldn't make any noise and palm himself to take the edge off. Next he'd stood across the room and watched, aching from the smell and the sight of it. Then he was right beside him, and then they had to make a rule that touching had to wait until after the cutting because once Mark had grabbed him and he'd cut too deep and freaked them both out, the scar still there by his elbow as a reminder.
Then Mark had tried it, on his own arm, just to see how it felt. It was hard, and it stung like a bitch and it didn't make him feel anything. Jinyoung had brought Mark's arm up to kiss it gently and lick over the cut. Mark had flinched so hard he hit Jinyoung's jaw with his watch and spent the whole time apologizing until Jinyoung finally told him to shut up, and that Mark must be a vampire, because it tasted awful to him.
When the thought to take over cutting came to him he didn't sleep well for weeks, he couldn't stop thinking about it even though he tried. It was sick. To think about wanting to hurt his friend. The worst part was the boner he got from it. He was fucked up. When he finally confessed to Jinyoung the younger had smiled shyly, "You just want to help, right? If it's what I want why should you feel bad about it?"
The younger had a way with words, and he knew he was being duped, that it was still fucked up, but he was comforted regardless. Jinyoung hadn't pushed him away, he accepted him, thought it was a good idea even.
Scar prevention was the most important thing so the next time they had a moment, Jinyoung explained it all to him, how if he wasn't careful he would make jagged edges and those took longer to heal and were more likely to scar.
To make sure that Mark understood how important it was he made Mark practice on himself first. So Mark practiced. Until he could make a cut with nothing to show for it. So now they were here, with Mark pressing a second perfect red cut into Jinyoung's soft fragile skin, the younger convulsing beneath him.
"Only I can help you with this, Jinyoungie..." Mark breathed, etching the third line into Jinyoung's shoulder, "Only I can give you that release."
Jinyoung's shoulders were shaking with the strength of his emotions, nodding as he slapped a hand against the tiles, "Th-thank you, Hyung thank you," he whimpered.
Mark's tongue wound it's way up Jinyoung's shoulder, to gather the intoxicating fluid before he leaned to drop the blade carefully on the side of the tub, "It's not the blood though, Jinyoungie..."
Jinyoung looked back at Mark uncertainly, lips red and swollen, eyes glistening with tears.
"It's not that you're letting anything go, you're just filling up with me..." He explained as he rubbed the pads of his fingers over the three cuts, gathering the blood onto his fingers.
Tears slipped down Jinyoung's cheeks and he whimpered softly, trying to process Mark's words as a slick finger pressed slowly into him.
"Think back, how bad you were at getting back to functioning alone...?" Mark reminded him, voice low and husky as he pushed his finger in as far as he could. “Isn’t it so much better now?”
Jinyoung nodded reluctantly, his mind swimming. What did that mean?
"The pain is temporary... You wanted to feel something, you wanted heat. Something to prove you were alive and what you did had an effect. But it's so much better now isn't it?"
"F-feels like another plane now," he mumbled, sniffling and then yelping when Mark's second finger pressed inside.
"That's because it's me that you were looking for," Mark hummed out softly at the tight heat around his fingers.
Jinyoung gasped as Mark’s fingers immediately found what they were looking for inside of him, his thighs trembling, “W-what do you mean, Hyung?”
"I mean I am what you've put your name on. You're an artist, I'm your brush, together look at the masterpieces we've drawn on your skin," he breathed, voice awed as he licked over Jinyoung's shoulder.
Jinyoung shuddered, a warmth starting in his belly, "T-tell me more, Hyung, please..."
"I will fill you up, Jinyoungie... I'm going to make you feel me," Mark grinned, tongue tracing the neat lines in Jinyoung's skin.
"Do it, Hyung, please," Jinyoung whined, pushing his hips back into Mark's fingers.
Mark nodded, pulling his fingers free to drop between the younger’s legs, his fingertips traced up the lines Jinyoung had made before he got there on his inner thigh.
That soft sob that Mark loved so much left Jinyoung again and his legs parted further, shaking as he offered himself to him.
Mark slid sticky fingers over his own length to hold himself steady and he parted Jinyoung’s cheeks before thrusting inside of him in a slow steady pace that had Jinyoung bucking away from him desperately.
Jinyoung’s cheeks were wet with fresh tears when he finally pushed back into Mark, his breath hiccuping softly. The wall wasn’t enough to hold onto and he reached back to grab Mark’s hip trying to get some stability.
Mark pushed Jinyoung’s arms above his head, trapping his wrists there against the wall as he thrust into him, “How’s that, Jinyoungie? Too much?”
Jinyoung cried out, squirming as the elder’s tongue licked up another trail of blood, “I can’t, I can’t, Hyung, please, f-fuck…”
“Just right then,” he grinned, thrusting again and growling out at the feeling of being surrounded by Jinyoung’s welcoming heat.
“H-Hyung, please, yes, it hurts,” he sobbed, fingers clenching and unclenching against the tiles where they were trapped by Mark’s strong hand.
“I’m all yours, Jinyoungie,” the red head confirmed, hips pressing in fluidly, “An instrument of your own design… I’m going to be your shield, okay?”
"I'm going to f-fall," Jinyoung gasped, legs trembling and body shivering with pleasure.
"I've got you," Mark assured him softly, lips leaving a searing kiss over the cuts, "Fall into me, I'll catch you, Jinyoung, I'm going to make you mine too. Brand you with my fingers so you can feel me all the way down in your bones. This-" his tongue flickered over the sloppy red area, "is only a step. I-" here he thrust into Jinyoung so hard the younger's feet left the ground, "am your answer. I am your world."
Sobs wracked Jinyoung's slight frame and he convulsed between Mark and the wall, unable to get enough air to warn him as he fell over the edge, sticky lines decorating the tiles of the shower.
Mark's lips touched to one of the cuts and he sucked hard as he joined the younger, a guttural noise leaving him as Jinyoung twitched.
Jinyoung gasped out desperately, his hands falling to help support himself as Mark let him go and pulled out. Before he could catch his breath Mark turned him around and kissed him hard.
"I am your release," Mark nodded, helping Jinyoung back down to the bottom of the tub as he turned the water back on. He picked up Jinyoung's cup for water at night from the sink and filled it before meticulously rinsing the cuts clean and themselves.
Jinyoung wiped his eyes and when Mark turned to get the supplies to bandage his cuts he reached out and caught Mark's hand, "H-Hyung... Where does that... being mine thing apply? Just in here?"
Mark grinned and tilted Jinyoung's chin up to peck his lips, "Everywhere."
Jinyoung's eyes teared up again and he watched Mark turn to get the things through the fog of his tears.
"This wasn't the sort of pain I meant to cause," Mark teased softly, spreading the antibacterial gel over each of the thin cuts on his shoulder blade and inner thigh.
"It's not pain, it's... It's good..."
Mark nodded as he smoothed the bandages over the cuts, "Good... I want to be your everything..."
Jinyoung whimpered softly, "Hyung..."
"I want to be your pain, your pleasure, your everything," Mark nodded again, pulling the younger up and out of the tub.
"So... I... I'm yours then," Jinyoung smiled and waited as Mark toweled him off.
"Yes..."
Jinyoung sighed and reached out to grab Mark's hand, whispering, "My chest is burning..."
Mark grinned and placed his palm over Jinyoung's chest, raising the younger's hand to mirror his own, "Mine too... It's good right?"
Jinyoung smiled tentatively, "You really like me?"
Mark pulled Jinyoung into a kiss, wrapping his arm around the younger slowly, "You really like me?"
The younger's head fell to rest on Mark's shoulder, "I can't stop though..."
Mark shrugged, fingers tracing over the bandage on his shoulder, "I don't want you to. I just want you to only do it with me, in this safe way, and maybe we can play around a little. After all, I like it, don't I?"
Jinyoung nodded and clung tightly to Mark, "O-okay... I can try."
Mark tilted Jinyoung's head up into another soft kiss, "I'm gonna write my name in there," he nodded, tapping a finger against his chest.
After a moment of searching Mark's eyes he sighed out, "I believe you might have done that already."