Work Text:
Sydney knows what’s coming even before anything truly happens. She feels it in the way her body seems to shift. Her ankles feel swollen, and she feels pressure on her thighs. She’s more aware of her joints and muscles, which are both uncomfortable as fuck. Worst of all, she has this unshakable and unpleasant sensation in the crotch.
‘Yo, you good? What’s going on?’
Obviously, he notices everything, and apparently, he can also notice her slight change in behavior during that period.
‘Nothing, chef.’ She answers shortly.
At this point, she’s been at work all day, she’s beyond exhausted, and her feet are killing her. The last thing she wants is to have to deal with Carmy’s penetrative stares that never lead anywhere.
Right now, what Sydney wants most is to go home, change into her comfy pajamas, have some filling food, and watch a stupid movie that will take her mind away from the pain.
If it’s too unbearable, she’ll take a pill.
‘I know something’s up. You can talk to me.’ He’s looking at her with insistence, his hands steady on the kitchen counter, but somehow it feels like his body is completely turned in her direction. Maybe it’s because of his stupid blue eyes and the way he stupidly gives her his whole attention.
Sydney keeps quiet. She knows silence will set Carmy into alarm mode. Recently, she’s started confiding in him more. She’s told him about her dad and how he’s wary of her culinary career. How she knows he’s trying to communicate his support, but sometimes it comes across as him not believing the restaurant will succeed. She knows her being quiet will set Carmy into alarm mode because silence is pretty uncharacteristic of her.
They have been getting closer, but there are subjects that she doesn’t feel like sharing with him. Not yet. And this is one of them. Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it because they’re in The Bear’s kitchen, and this discussion doesn’t belong here. Maybe, it’s because she feels embarrassed for some reason. It’s stupid. Or perhaps, it’s because she doesn’t want to appear weak in front of him and in front of the staff. She remembers telling Tina she knows what it’s like to be a woman in a kitchen.
So she keeps going. Doing an impeccable job, as always.
The pain starts getting sharper. She doesn’t lose focus. It will be over soon, she tells herself. She focuses on firing the next orders, Carmy’s inquisitive gaze never really leaving her.
‘I’m okay, chef. Some space, please?’
Carmy pulls his hand to his chest and makes a circle with it. A silent way to say he’s sorry if he’s overstepped a boundary.
When everything finally comes to an end, the last patrons satisfied, the kitchen cleaned, and most of the crew gone, Sydney crawls to her and Carmy’s office. She sits on the floor, the pain so unbearable she tries to forget about it by sitting on the hard slabs of the floor.
She thinks she can finally catch a break when someone knocks at the door.
‘Yo, Syd. Mind if I come in?’
‘I mean it’s your office too, so…’
Carmy nods.
‘Want to tell me what’s going on with you?’
‘Uh…not really.’ Sydney says, head against the wall and eyes screwed shut.
She hears him moving. He goes to sit down opposite her on the floor. He lets silence fall between them, he knows she’ll tell him when she’s ready.
A moment passes before she speaks again. ‘This shift has been a little hard for me…’
‘I figured.’
‘…Because I’m on my period.’ She says, her voice tight.
‘What?’ Carmy sounds confused. Like he was expecting something else, and the news is a little underwhelming.
This time Sydney opens her eyes, but she still avoids his gaze. ‘Um, I’m actually on my period.’
‘No, no, I got that. Um, why didn’t you tell me before?’ His face contort in a grimace.
‘Respectfully Carmy, because it’s none of your fucking business.’
‘No, I know. I know that. I meant, I— I could help? If you need anything, um, I can help.’
She doesn’t really know how to respond or how he could help, so she blurts out the first thing that’s on her mind. ‘You know what sounds amazing right now? Pancakes.’
For the second time in their very short interaction Carmy’s at a loss and Sydney wants to end the conversation here, but the way Carmy’s looking at her right now - like he needs to know, in the depth of his being, what’s wrong with her- makes her capitulate.
She sights. ‘I’m on my period, and my body is going crazy. Like, I’m in super fucking pain. And I want to eat pancakes for dinner. Like, a ‘breakfast for dinner’ thing. It's just one of those cravings, you know?’
‘And, uh, also… I guess I didn’t want to tell you any of that because, well, it’s still none of your business, but also, you— we have better things to deal with. Like, me feeling a little shitty during service is not that big of a deal, right?’
He locks eyes with her and pulls at his hair with his fingers.
‘I could whip up some for you. What do you think?’
‘What? Pancakes?’
‘Yeah. Yeah, pancakes, Syd.’ He says with a soft smile.
She’s taken aback for a few seconds. Confusion probably visible on her face. Outside of work-related occasions, Carmy has never cooked anything for her. And it’s not like she was asking him to make her pancakes. She was just saying what was on her mind.
Carmy’s pancakes would probably be the best she would ever get the chance to eat, she thinks. He’s one of the best in their field. He would probably come up with a way to turn a pretty basic recipe into one a lot more innovative and interesting.
‘Uh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.’ She responds, her mouth moving faster than her brain.
‘You know I wouldn’t have said no to making you pancakes, Syd. Next time just ask, okay?’
She scoffs. As if it were that simple, she thinks. Yes, it’s about pancakes, but it’s also about much more than that. He’s missing the point.
Before she can get a chance to retort, her stomach feels like it’s getting punched again, and her face twists in pain. ‘Um, it’s great that we are talking and all that shit…but I’m having major cramps right now, and I would go get my meds alone, but I don’t feel super well… Like, if I were to stand up right now, I would probably pass out from the effort, and then fall on the floor, and probably break my neck, which is — I guess I’m asking if you can get me some painkillers?’
‘Where can I get it?’ Carmy answers, brows furrowed, and a little thrown by her speech.
‘Dude, you don’t even know what pain medication I usually take.’ She lets out, a half-laugh, half-shock expression on her face. If she wasn’t in pain, she would be making fun of him right now.
‘Sorry, that was… um— what do you take?’
She gives him indications, and on that, Carmy’s out to get her pills from the nearest, still-opened drugstore.
When he returns, Sydney takes the pill, and they drive to Carmy’s apartment. After a while, all her limbs stop screaming, like her body is finally appeased. She’s lulled by the silence in the car, the gentle lights of the streets, and the relaxing effect the pill has on her body.
‘We’re here’ he says eventually. She’s only realizing now that they are at his place, and all this time the ride wasn’t leading them to her dad’s. She doesn’t mind.
Once they’ve climbed the never-ending stairwell and reached his place, she kicks her shoes off and goes straight to the couch. She lets herself fall unceremoniously. She’s been here before to cook, so she doesn’t pretend to not be acquainted with the place. The remaining tension in her body slowly melts away.
‘Here, chef.’ Carmy presents her with a plate of pancakes after some time. ‘I tried to twist up the recipe. Figured you’d like them better that way.’
She takes a bite and moans.
He’s looking at her expectantly, so she nods and gives him a thumbs up. She wasn’t wrong about him turning the recipe into something more interesting and innovative. The pancakes are exquisite. It’s Michelin-star food. They taste like they belong on The Bear’s menu, and look like something Marcus would love to learn to make.
While she’s finishing every single last crumb of her plate, Carmy’s off to his bedroom. He reappears with a gigantic and fluffy comforter, and a pajama set - made of a pair of his pajama pants and one of his famously tight shirts -.
‘My— um- My sister— When she— um- When she was on her period growing up, she always loved to be in something comforting and to feel warm. She will never admit it, but she liked when we would take care of her…and uh, you know, because my mom wasn’t always available when we needed her…’ Carmy clears his throat, ‘My— my siblings and I, we did the best we could to help each other out when one of us was feeling down.’
Sydney stares at him. She doesn’t know if the pajamas are an invitation to stay, after all, it’s not too late for her to catch the last train. She doesn’t know how to react to the fact that Carmy used to take care of his sister like that growing up either. All she knows is that she’s grateful to be here and that he’s sharing this part of him with her.
‘And you can use my shower, by the way.’ The vulnerability in his voice is replaced by something else now.
Carmy’s a little red, and it seems like a million thoughts are going through his head. Sydney wonders what he’s thinking about right now, and if the same things are running through their minds… but she drops the thought quickly. The timing is not right. They have a restaurant to run and a team to lead. But maybe in the future, some of the thoughts they’re having could be interesting to explore. Before she can dig herself into an overthinking spiral, Sydney stands up and thanks Carmy, then heads to the bathroom.
The room is small, but it’s pristine and organized. Just like the rest of his apartment (minus the oven situation), everything is in its place. The bathroom doesn’t have anything really characteristic in it, but it screams Carmy nonetheless. Sydney’s been in here before, but there is something different this time that makes her want to explore the room more. To get to know him better. She gets undressed and takes her time to pick a shower gel - Carmy has more products than she expected -. The shower gel smells divine against her skin and dangerously reminds her of him. It would be inappropriate to do anything in his shower right now, so she gets out and quickly gets dressed.
His clothes are indeed very comfortable and warm. Sydney starts to think about what Carmy told her earlier, and she wonders how it was to grow up with a mom like Donna. She wonders how complicated Natalie’s relationship is with her mom, and it makes her think about her own mom and how, in a completely different way, she wasn’t there for her either. Sydney’s learned to deal with things on her own and to figure out stuff by herself. Her dad couldn’t always compensate for the lack of a feminine presence. This is making her feel sad and lonely again, so she gets out of the bathroom before she can start crying.
In the living room, she sees Carmy’s sitting on the couch, eyes on his TV screen, which has Netflix on Display, and a cup of tea, and the comforter are set in a way that makes Sydney’s stomach twirl. He’s carved a spot for her, right next to him. He’s arranged everything so she can feel comfortable and to ensure that tonight, she’s only doing things that bring her pleasure and contentment. He hasn’t offered, but she would really really like to stay the night.
Sydney quietly goes to sit next to him. Closing the gap between them by sitting as close as she can, slowly putting her head on his shoulder.
‘Carmy?’
‘Uh huh?’
‘Thank you for tonight. You didn’t have to do all of this, but you did, so um— yeah, thank you.’ She tries to look him in the eyes when she says the words, but the angle is a little weird. She wants him to know she means it, it’s not an offhanded comment.
‘You know I meant it when I said next time just ask, right? You’re a human, Syd. You’re allowed to feel down sometimes. So please, tell me— tell me when— um, tell me when you’re feeling like shit during service. Because it’s a big deal.’
He doesn’t say it’s a big deal to him, but she’s pretty sure it’s implied. This evening is starting to get a little too emotional for her liking, and she wants to lighten the mood and crack a joke, but she knows better than to do so. He’s been vulnerable and honest with her, it’s her turn to try.
‘Well… um, I guess the reason I said that earlier is because I’m scared.’
She holds the comforter firmly to give herself the strength to go on.
‘I’m scared that if I’m not on my A-game all the time, we’ll fail. I’ll fail the team. So yeah, I felt like shit, but I didn’t want the stupid pain to set us back. So I figured it was better not to say anything.’ She sights. ‘I have a tendency to fuck things up Carmy and I really, really, don’t want to fuck this up…’
There’s so much more she would like to tell him, but for now, that’s all she can give. She’s feeling a little too raw, too much on edge. It’s uncomfortable.
‘You won’t. I won’t let you.’
He slips his arm around her, pressing them closer to each other, and he presses a kiss to her forehead. Her eyes flutter.
‘I fuck things up all the time too, Syd, but I’ll make sure we make this right… I’ll make sure we don’t screw up our business… and I’ll make sure we don’t screw up whatever this is between us.’ He whispers, giving her another gentle kiss on the forehead.
Maybe he doesn’t know or understand all of her anxieties, and she doesn’t know or understand all of his either, but what matters is that she knows that he supports her. Carmy being by her side means that she doesn’t have to be strong all the time anymore.
Yes, her last business failed. Yes, some people have and will doubt her sometimes, even those with the best intentions. Yes, she’s a woman in the kitchen. And yes, she’s felt alone for a while, but she’s not alone anymore.
She has a support system now that includes her dad, but not only. It won’t make everything better, doesn’t mean she won’t have to deal with hardships, but at least she won’t face them by herself. She’s surrounded by women like Natalie and Tina. She has Marcus. She even has Richie, whose support can be wobbly at times, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. And above all, she has a partner now, in more ways than one.
Sydney knows that it will take some time for her to unlearn some things and open up, but she’s willing to put in the effort. She’s willing to learn to accept that it’s okay for her not to always put up a front, and for other people to see that she’s human and that she can be tired, and hurt, and scared sometimes. Being vulnerable with Carmy has been easier because he sees her and they are similar in a lot of ways. But as today has shown, it’s not magic. Even with him, she’ll still have to make an effort.
Carmy ends up starting a random movie they’ll both be too tired to follow till the end. Eventually, they’ll fall asleep in each other arms, and in the morning, they’ll go to The Bear. Together.