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1.
Rin isn’t sure what he’s feeling right now, or what if he’s feeling is even right, per say.
He knew Shidou didn’t belong to him, not in any meaning of the phrase. He and Shidou were simply rivals who ate off of each other's egos to get to the top— a push and pull relationship full of both arrogance and violence.
Rin would be a liar to say seeing Shidou so buddy buddy with Sae didn’t piss him the fuck off. Sure, he and Shidou were rivals— but does he really need to speak all sultry to Sae as if Rin wasn’t right there on the other side of the field to witness it all, front line and center?
Neither of the two belonged to him, neither Sae nor Shidou, so to expect them to follow some unwritten code that they simply can’t fuck around with eachother was foolish.
Still— did all those nicknames really mean nothing? ‘RinRin’? ‘Rin-Chan’? ‘Under Lashes’? What about the blown kiss that he got at the beginning of the match? Or even the night Shidou kept on pestering RinRin once they got teamed up in the third selection? Was all of it just to mock him?
It probably was, Rin’s looking too much into it.
“Uh… Rin?” Isagi calls out, snapping Rin out of his haze. Isagi shivers at the deathglare Rin sends his way, “you okay…?”
“Fuck off” is all Rin says before he gets back into position, chest puffed in anger like a fussy toddler, and more than one patron of the BlueLock lineup is left wondering what the hells gotten their ace so fired up.
2.
Rin’s second encounter with the searing hot feeling of jealousy in the pit of his stomach is when Shidou’s getting far too buddy buddy with someone from their stratum— Nanase was it? Shidou wouldn’t shut the fuck about him.
Sharing a dorm with the lukewarm lineup that is Karasu, Nanase, Shidou, Tokimitsu, and Zantetsu— Rin’s nurtured a growing hatred towards 3 patrons specifically: Shidou (obviously), Nanase (because of Shidou) and Karasu (because of whatever the hell Nanase and Shidou had going on.)
Truly, it was insufferable having to see Shidou smooth talk his way with Nanase— the constant onslaught of ‘you’re so cute, Nijiro-chan~’ like really? A fucking first name basis?
Not to mention the others found it cute too, Karasu especially. Constantly running his mouth about Shidou and Nanase getting a room, and hitting Shidou’s shoulder and telling him to make a move on the poor guy— the two combined gave Rin a fucking headache, one that he wasn’t willing to put up with.
Shidou and Nanase enter the dorm? He’s gone. Nanase so much as in his sight? He leaves before the poor guy can even talk to him. Karasu and Shidou snickering and talking like pathetic middle school boys? Rin leaves before they can even look his way.
He thought he was being at least a bit subtle, but it’s not long before his teammates notice the recurring pattern of him being unable to stand being in the same vicinity of the three. It’s only when Zantetsu of all people points it out at dinner that he’s forced to give some kind of answer.
“I can’t stand the insect,” is the answer he gives, and fair enough— the two had almost blown each other's brains out back in the third selection.
“But what does Nanase and Karasu have to do with it?” Zantetsu reasons through a mouthful of rice, and Rin grits his teeth, does this idiot ever know when to shut up?
“Yeah RinRin, why do ya avoid them?” Shidou says, almost amused as his sultry grin and sultry stare and stupid sultry self looks at him.
“I hate anyone associated with you,” Rin scowls, and Karasu pipes up, “That’s a bit stuck up of ya, Mr. Number one”
Rin doesn’t give a shit, and there’s a boiling mixture of both jealousy and anger festering deep under his skin, dangerously close to tipping over the edge. He swears he can see red when Shidou goes to open his mouth again, and his entire skin sets ablaze when Shidou wraps his arm around Nanase and says some dumb shit about leaving ‘poor Nanase’ out of it.
“Just fuck off! I dont give a shit about you, so stop giving one about me!” He yells with a slam to the table before he gets up, throwing the rest of his meal straight to the trash.
The others leave him alone after his outburst, and he goes to bed hungry and heated.
3.
Rin should’ve known that Shidou covers all his bases when it comes to the people he picks up, and seeing Shidou outside of BlueLock on their damn break with his hand on some girl's shoulder has him seeing red.
He doesn’t know what it is really, but he has half the brain to recognize his jealousy having something to do with both his semi-attraction to the antenna bastard, along with his weird complex with needing Shidou to himself.
But he’d at least thought he could kiss goodbye to that burning hot feeling for the 3 weeks they’d been let out after all the worlds best games. Instead he’s at a convenience store, desperately hiding himself under his mask as he casually stalks the man who had him metaphorically wrapped around his finger without even knowing it.
The girl is pretty, long blonde hair and tan skin just like the freak next to her. Rin would be a liar to admit she didn’t have a nice figure too— well built just like the freak too.
Rin takes the risk of going just a bit closer to hear their conversations as the pair choose drinks from the freezer. The girls hand is on her hips as Shidou has his arm lazily slung over her shoulder, just how fucking close were they?
Rin tries to listen to their quiet conversations, and it’s only when the girl picks out two of the same drink that he hears Shidou pipe up with a whine.
“Oh c’mon nee-chan! Your favorite flavor is so bo-ring!”
“You get a deal if you get two of the same drink, and since I’m older you listen to me, case closed.”
The two siblings argue for a bit before Shidou gets his ear pulled and reminded just who's paying for the drinks in question. Shidou pouts, and he’s satiated at the cash register when his sister throws in his favorite candy bar as a form of treason.
The two leave the convenience store with the bells chime, and Rin stands in the corner with his face warm and his mind spinning in his own stupidity.
4.
‘Graduating’ from BlueLock and going off their separate ways onto to different teams was a strange feeling, but Rin is truly cursing out the world when he has articles of none other than Shidou tied up in some stupid ass fucking dating scandal popping up on his phone the moment he wakes up.
There’s an onslaught of messages from multiple of the BlueLock members, asking how he of all people feels. Why would he give a singular fuck? He wasn’t close to the antennae bastard.
Yet the familiar feeling in his stomach that makes him feel almost nauseous returns, and he’s just so tired. It’s been a long time since he’s met Shidou; about what? 5 years and counting now? He was just tired of it all. He needed to move on from the simple words and shared glances they had when they were dumb teenagers, he needed to move on from the unsaid promises of affection that Shidou sent his way.
He treated everyone like that, Rin was no different.
He sighed as he felt his eyes glaze over, he was old enough to admit that Shidou was a twisted form of a first love, an unreachable one— an exhausting one.
He turns his phone on silent as he gets ready for the day, day moving fast as he trains and keeps up to date with his day to day activities.
If any of his friends or teammates notice the shift in his behavior, they don't say anything. After it all, Rin goes back to bed without answering a single text.
He can live like this, he’ll learn to— he always has.
Rin suffers the fate of having everything taken away from him, he might as well be used to it by now.
5.
Rin can feel his internal clock running out as he starts to finish up his mid twenties.
His friends all had partners by now, whether they be known to the media or not. He didn’t look for anyone, he didn’t need anyone— that’s what he tried to convince himself of anyway.
He’s 27 now, 11 years since he’s met Shidou, felt that faint spark and let the cinders of such an encounter still continue to sizzle on the back burner of his mind.
He downs his second drink, he needs to stop with stupid reminiscent bullshit. Sae had already ruined him for good, he wasn’t going to admit that he’d let another man break him to the core.
“Well, look who it is”
Rin can feel his skin crawl as the familiar voice he’d yearned for sounds from behind him, and he wants to convince himself he’s deluded as he turns around.
Yet there in all his glory stands Shidou, hair spiked up far too eccentric for his age. Rin half thinks he likes Shidou better this way, continually a mirage of the man he was at 18– just so Rin can pretend they still are so young.
Rin doesn’t say anything as Shidou sits next to him. There’s a low hum of rock playing on the speakers, yet Rin can hear the thudding of his own heart as Shidou looks at him with the same sweet gaze he always had.
“You’ve been ignoring me RinRin,” he says, pausing only to look at the hardwood counter, a faraway look in his eyes, “Maybe not ignore, but you’re not the same.”
Rin doesn’t deny it, he doesn't answer Shidou anymore. They hadn’t called properly in years now, and their texts were shortened simply due to Rin’s inability to let his silly crush go.
Bite too much off and you’ll crave it, that’s what Rin told himself. So he stayed away, lest he become greedy for a taken man.
“Maybe.” Is all Rin says, voice gravelly. He takes a sip of his third drink, and he can feel the warm buzz of the alcohol finally simmer under his skin. “That’s what time does.”
There’s a silence, one that holds the air of something between them. Rin wants so badly to finally spill his guts to get some sort of closure to his teenage crush.
“How’s your boyfriend?” He asks instead, because he’s smarter than that.
“Oh, we broke up a while ago.”
Rin’s entire world stops. His heart leaps to his throat as if this was an opportunity for the taking, and Rin curses both himself and Shidou out.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You didn’t ask. Besides, would you have cared?” Shidou says with a laugh, one that holds the solemn edge of a longing not yet lost.
There’s a silence, and Rin’s throat burns. Shidou looks at him with an unreadable stare,
“Would you have cared?”
Silence.
“Do you care?”
“Yes,” Rin barely chokes out, and he realizes alcohol and first loves are a terrible mix as tears simmer to the surface.
Fuck.
Rin covers his eyes instantly, biting down the wails that sound from not the Rin he was at 17, but the Rin he was at 14. The Rin who was abandoned by his brother, the Rin who wished to never be abandoned again.
“RinRin?” Shidou’s voice sounds murky amidst the mess of his mind, he hates this— he hates it all.
“I need to go,” his voice cracks as he desperately tries to cower away from his heart and the man who had it. Yet Shidou grabs his arm tight like a vice, forcing him to stay.
“Tell me what's wrong RinRin” Shidou’s voice holds a warmth that makes Rin’s heart ache,
“Stop calling me that,” he tries to sound strong, but he can tell he sounds like a pathetic excuse of a man as his words teeter on the edge of being a sob.
Shidou’s arms are warm and solid as they hold Rin tight, pulling him into a hug as the sobs of a little boy sound into his shoulders. If Rin closes his eyes, he can remember when Sae used to hold him like this, how he’d never complain about Rin’s tears and snot getting his clothes wet and messy.
That thought makes him cry harder, and all his pent up emotions spill like water. From Shidou’s first words to Sae on the U20 field to his official relationship on the news— Rin doesn’t think he ever healed.
“Come with me” Shidou murmurs, gently pulling him out of the bar and to his car. Rin attempts to wipe the tears that continue to fall.
Rin’s spends the night in Shidou’s apartment, where he falls asleep to the scent of Shidou in the sheets and his arms wrapped around him too.
It’s blissful.
+1.
Rin’s head pounds when he wakes up, and the events of the night before hit him like a load of bricks when he wakes up in Shidou’s arms.
He has half the heart to stay and enjoy the feeling of waking up next to the love of his life, but he has half the mind to get the fuck out of Shidou’s bed and pretend this never happened.
Yet Shidou’s quicker than he is, and grips him tight by the waist as he tries to leave.
“And where do you think you’re going?” Shidou mutters against his skin, making Rin shiver. Rin remembers this voice from when they still used to wake up together, but Shidou had grown up more than Rin had anticipated— and his voice wasn’t an exception.
“Let me go home,” Rin grunts. The quicker he can leave, the quicker he can forget it all, but it seemed Shidou never let go of his habit of making his life living hell over all else.
“Not before you tell me why you… you…” Shidou struggles to put it into words, and he sighs as he touches his forehead to the back of Rin’s neck.
“Tell me why you’ve been ignoring me. Why did you care so much about knowing about me and my exes' breakup? Why you’ve refused to look at me properly for years?”
Rin stills in Shidou’s hold as he feels himself soften just a bit. It was unfair how Rin never told Shidou anything— from Shidou’s perspective, he’s lost a teammate, a rival, and a friend, without even knowing why.
But Rin was never good at admitting things, that’s why he was wrapped up in this dilemma in the first place.
But Rin is tired, so tired. His little tsundere act had to be put to rest sooner or later.
So he says it as it is, “Because I’m in love with you, Shidou.”
It’s Shidou’s turn to go rigid, and Rin doesn’t care if Shidou kicks him out of his life anymore because all he truly wants is closure.
Instead, he can feel Shidou curl deeper into their embrace, voice quiet as he asks,
“How long?”
“How long have we known each other?”
Shidou’s grip tightens, “11 years,” he whispers.
“11 years then.”
There’s a silence, one that Rin no longer finds himself anxious in.
“What the fuck, RinRin?”
Rin doesn’t address it, “can I leave now?”
Shidou makes a sound of disbelief, “are you fucking with me?”
“No,” Rin murmurs, “can I leave now?” He repeats.
“Why didn’t you tell me?—“ Shidou sputters, voice strained, “Why didn’t you say anything?” Shidou demands, throat tight as he turns Rin around, forcing him to look Shidou in the eyes.
“I…” Shidou’s gaze made his nerves act up again, “I don’t know.”
Shidou scowls, “You’ve gotta give me more than that, RinRin”
“There was always someone. First Sae, then Nanase, then—“
“Wait Wait Wait hold on— you really thought I was serious about Nanase?” Shidou sputters, and Rin can feel his face go warm.
“Whether you were or weren’t doesn’t matter! I was 17 and unwilling to admit I wanted you to myself!”
“You want me to yourself?!” It’s Shidou’s turn to go hot in the face,
“Yes! I wanted you to myself from the moment when you were eye fucking my brother on that god damn field! I’ve wanted you ever since I met you you bastard!”
Shidou’s quiet, breathless, as Rin spills his guts.
“So you’re telling me,” Shidou has to pause to both catch his breath and his thoughts, “I could’ve had you from the start?”
What?
Rin waits for Shidou to continue, staring him down in both utter confusion and disbelief.
“I’ve wanted you for fucking years RinRin, I just thought you had a stick up your ass and would never date me!”
Shidou looks so frustrated Rin finds it almost funny, but he supposes after wasting 11 years to useless slowburn, anyone was bound to be mad.
“No, I’ve been in love with you since we met,”
There’s a beat of silence,
“… Every time I saw you with someone else, it made me want to puke. Sae, Nanase, your boyfriend,” Rin can give a soft laugh about it now, “When I first got the news of you and your boyfriend, I cried.”
Shidou looks at him like he’s given him both a blessing and a curse— like he’s nothing and everything all at once.
“Why didn’t you tell me,” he says gently, eyes holding a gentle mirth that ignites the flame under Rin’s skin, “Why did you never tell me?”
Rin can see Shidou’s lips tugging into his signature smile despite the watery look in his eyes. There’s a mixture of emotions brewing behind the bright pink irises— longing is one, Rin identifies.
“Like I said, I didn’t know how. I was immature and…” Rin can feel Shidou’s heavy gaze on him, face warm at the hyperaware feeling of just how close they were, “And I didn’t have the guts to…”
Rin’s stomach is twisting into knots as Shidou pulls him closer, humming as he listens with intent. Rin feels like a teenage boy trying desperately not to kiss his crush.
“Go on,” Shidou says gently, yet his voice holds a rare lilt of affection— a mix of love and desire.
“Stop that,” Rin mutters, turning his gaze away, “I can’t talk to you if you’re that close,”
Shidou hums, nonchalant of Rin’s words as he edges his lips closer, “then don’t”
Rin shouldn’t feel as heated as he does at those words.
The tension makes his mind spin as he groans, “If you’re going to kiss me just do it already,” he swallows thickly, face burning, “I’ve waited long enough.”
The smirk on Shidou’s face is worth it, “I thought you’d never ask, Rin-Chan”
Shidou’s lips on his is a mixture of love and lust tied into a warm springs embrace. Rin finally understands what Shidou means by his cells exploding, because he can quite literally feel the burst of heat under his skin burst as they meet in a mixed clash of tongue and teeth.
Shidou’s arms around him are strong, and he moves his hand to Rin’s waist like it was always meant to be there. Rin shivers as soft noises of pleasure die at the back of his throat, feeling their spit mix as he desperately aches for more.
11 years does that to a person, or two.
+2.
Rin doesn’t go home that day, or the day after, or the day after that, or even for the next week actually.
They quite literally can’t get enough of each other— from constantly needing the other's arms around them to deep makeout sessions more often than a couple of horny teenagers— their hands are on each other 24/7.
They don’t even bother to go grocery shopping, sustaining themselves on whatever Shidou had shoved away in his fridge and more than a few calls to order takeout. Both their coaches would probably kill them for their change in diet, but neither of them could care less about that.
Rin thinks he might just be dreaming every morning he wakes up to his limbs entangled with Shidou’s, knowing well he wasn’t expected to write up a note and leave like some stingy one night stand. He loves waking up in Shidou’s bed and getting kissed by the love of his life first thing in the morning. He adores the fact that he didn’t need to leave— Shidou didn’t mind lending a shirt, or two, or three.
Rin thinks those 11 years of slowburn might just be worth it for a week of heaven like this.
“RinRin” Shidou moans nice and low, just the way Rin likes it. Shidou’s hand is on his hip as his head tilts back with a groan, “RinRin”
“What is it, Ryuusei?” He almost teases, yet there’s an opening to discussion hung in the air— despite the fact Shidou was balls deep in his ass.
“Move in with me,” he grunts, swallowing back his debauchery, “Move in with me RinRin please, I can’t live without you”
Rin’s starstruck, and he has to ignore the way his gut tightens in pure mixture of arousal and affection,
“Sure, just—“ he whines as Shidou rolls his hips deeper, thighs trembling as he hooks his arm around Shidou’s neck,
“Say you want to live with me RinRin” he demands, “tell me you want to be with me forever.”
Fuck, that shouldn’t sound or feel as hot as it does.
But Rin’s way too far gone, and he’s nodding in obedience before his pride can tell him not to, “I want to be with you forever,”
“I want to stay by your side forever,” he whimpers between moans, feeling Shidou’s thrusts grow more desperate.
“If you even try to talk to any other man or woman I’ll bust your head open,” he shudders as Shidou’s grip tightens, a low grunt leaving his lips.
“I want to wake up next to you every morning—“ Rin’s cut off by a high pitched whine as Shidou pressed up right against his prostate, head hung in Rin’s shoulder as whimpered out curses fill Rin’s ears.
“I want to be your wife, Ryuusei—“
The moan Shidou lets out has Rin’s gut snapping as he cums to the feeling of Shidou filling him, legs locked around his hips as they both breathe heavily.
There’s a string of tension in the air, “Do you really want me to move in?” Rin breathes out, chest heaving.
Rin can feel Shidou’s smile against his skin, lips mouthing a ‘yes’ before he bites down just where Rin likes it— the bastard.
Not that Rin truly minded,
He never did, really.
+3.
Rin’s given a house key and papers signed and before he knows it he’s out of Shidou’s apartment for the first time in almost 2 weeks only to go to his apartment to move his shit out.
It’s crazy how two weeks changes a person.
Rin sets his final box down onto the floor, checking the labels to make sure he hadn’t forgotten a single thing. Rin can feel Shidou looking at him, and it’s not long before Shidou’s hands are under his shirt and his teeth are nipping at his neck.
“Let me unpack first at least,” Rin mutters, shivering as Shidou’s warm hands travel along his skin. Shidou pouts but relents, helping Rin with his boxes to know their room.
Shidou, despite being a world class player, lived in a fairly humble apartment. Though yes, he had more than one extra room Rin could take for his own— Shidou dreaded every moment apart to the point he wished he could live inside Rin’s skin most of the time.
So Shidou’s cleared off more than a few of his shelves and half his closet to let Rin settle himself in as a part of him. It doesn’t take long before Rin’s clothes fill the closet and his few mangas and photo frames grace the shelves. Shidou has a sweet smile on his face, Rin has a reminiscent one.
They go to bed that night entangled in the gentle promise of their new lives together, a reminder of how far they’ve come, a reminder of how far they’ll go.
+4.
They’re out grocery shopping when Shidou pops the question,
“RinRin, do you want to get married?”
Rin nearly drops the eggs he’s holding, stomach erupting into butterflies at the simple proposition— yet he clears his throat and makes sure Shidou doesn’t see the warmth on his face.
“We just moved in together 6 months ago— hell, we never even made it official we’re dating,”
“Are you not mine though?” Shidou drawls, face turning to a scowl. It’s cute, Rin wants to kiss him.
He presses a gentle kiss to his cheek for now, “Mhm, I’m all yours”
Shidou smiles, taking the eggs and placing them inside, “then what do ya think? Should we get married?”
Rin wants to say yes, oh how he wants to hug Shidou and spin around like a silly teen in a romance movie, but this is reality— where dreams crumble so easily it's laughable.
“I’ve only been living with you for 6 months—“
“And I want you to live with me for the rest of my life,” Shidou finishes, voice dying out into a warm whisper only Rin can hear.
“So, will you marry me RinRin?”
Rin can feel the tears that threaten to spill, and he wipes his eyes as he turns to push their cart to the next isle,
“Sure, whatever.”
+5.
Shidou properly proposes to him by the oceanside, with a ring that’s just fancy enough to look special yet dull enough to not be flashy. Rin finds it embarrassing to admit he cried like a kid that day, amidst the sand between his toes and the cold of an ocean breeze.
Their wedding is small, only a few of the Blue Locker’s and their family are invited. Shidou doesn’t care for modest pleasantries as he kisses Rin as heated as he can get away with at the altar.
Rin can hear the echoing of wedding bells and a future of love as he sleeps in bed with Shidou that night, too lazy to take off their suits as they cuddle up amidst their undone buttons and fancy cologne.
“You smell nice, look nice too,” Shidou says with a giggle, pulling himself closer to his husband. “You’re perfect, that’s what you are.”
Rin doesn’t answer, he simply pulls Shidou into a searing kiss, one that leaves him dizzy and aching.
Yet now he aches in pure bliss,
A bliss that will last forever with his first and last love,
Shidou Ryuusei.