Chapter Text
It starts with a small fight.
“P’Jeff, wait a second.” Barcode follows him into the kitchen lugging his suitcase, already tired and sluggish from his flight. “It’s really not a big deal-”
“Not a big deal?” Jeff repeats, spinning around so abruptly Barcode stops in his tracks. “Those pictures of us are all over the internet-”
Barcode, arriving at Suvarnabhumi Airport an hour or two ago. Him, wearing his signature black backpack with the coconut keychain. Him, on his phone, texting Jeff to let him know he’d landed and would be waiting for him at Gate 408.
Jeff, pulling up to the gate in Jesse’s car. Him, leaning over to unlock the passenger door. Him, welcoming Barcode with open arms over the center console, pressing a kiss into his hair.
He doesn’t know how this person got ahold of Barcode’s flight information. Whoever took the photos must have had the diligence to follow him for a while, and the sheer thought of it shakes Jeff to the core.
Last year, P’Venus had suggested that his entire family get tinted windows. It’s the only reason the photos are too dark to make anything out, leaving behind only suspicious-looking shadows.
“None of the pictures are of you,” Barcode clarifies. “Well, maybe one or two. It’s mostly just me standing outside of the car. I don’t really care if they get out.”
Jeff shoots him an annoyed look. “You should care. We’ve talked about this.”
In an ideal world, Jeff isn’t against the thought of claiming Barcode publicly.
But in reality, it would be fatal. One wrong move, one wrong implication.
Jeff’s already established at this point, but he knows what a dating scandal could mean for Barcode’s future in the entertainment industry. He’s seen it happen to countless acquaintances, some who were never able to fully recover from the backlash and were left to disappear from the limelight.
“P’Jeff,” Barcode begs, tugging on his sleeve for attention. “This isn’t the first time it’s happened. We can ask P’Venus and P’Pond to do some damage control. Release a statement again about respecting our boundaries.”
“It won’t be enough,” Jeff says, and paranoia starts to rear its ugly head. “One person takes a picture, then someone else gets the same idea. You already have random people following you around on campus. It’s not safe-”
“You’re overreacting,” Barcode interrupts in a gentle tone. “Our fans care about us more than anything. They’ll delete the pictures too if we just ask.”
That may have been true a couple of years ago when Jeff was considered the flavor of the month at best, but as a newly crowned household name, he knows better. He knows he’s become far too famous to have an audience he can completely control.
“You don’t know that-”
“P’Jeff,” Barcode cuts him off for the third time, sighing heavily. “Can we please just go to bed? I’m exhausted.”
And with that, Barcode manages to wrangle Jeff into the shower before he starts to spiral any deeper. He stands tall behind Jeff like a fortress, lathering shampoo into his hair with careful hands and soothing words like Jeff’s the one in need of protection.
Barcode falls asleep a little too easily that night. Jeff lies awake next to him glued to his phone, scrolling until his fingers start to cramp.
-
A week later, things seem to have settled.
People fall victim to their short attention spans, old rumors blow over to make room for the next, and the world doesn’t end.
Life becomes easy and carefree in the new gated apartment Jeff had rented near Barcode’s university. Barcode insists it’s an unnecessary expense, but Jeff's more than willing to put a high price on privacy.
They revel in making their house into a home. Barcode, snuggling up to him on the couch with a tray of mango sticky rice from the corner stall. Jeff, serenading his boyfriend awake with a new ballad after Barcode had attempted to pull an all-nighter during finals week.
They celebrate milestones and work accomplishments. Barcode goes on to get perfect grades his first semester at Chula. His eyes light up over dinner when he tells Jeff that the brand of his dreams reached out for a sponsorship.
Jeff thinks about how damn proud he is. He loves Barcode with his entire being, that much he knows.
But somewhere deep down, the pictures remain seared into the crevices of Jeff’s brain. He sees them behind his eyelids every time he blinks, every time they climb into bed together and shut the lights off into darkness.
Maybe it’s just him being overdramatic, but he can’t shake the thought of next time, not a matter of if but a matter of when.
The uncertainty of it all looms just under the surface, threatening to boil over and wash away everything they’ve worked so hard for.
Jeff doesn’t have many fears, but him and Barcode drifting apart is one of them.
The thought of it is terrifying.
-
Months later, it all comes crashing down.
The morning after Be on Cloud’s annual New Year’s party, an intimate little affair P’Pond had generously extended Jeff the invite to upon Barcode’s request.
Jeff wakes up alone to find him and Barcode trending on Twitter yet again, and he feels sick to his stomach.
This time, it’s a video.
This time, it’s a big deal.
Last night, the pair had stumbled home hand in hand out of a taxi, buzzing with the renewed excitement of seeing old friends. Jeff had given Barcode a quick twirl outside their apartment complex, his boyfriend’s face flushed with laughter before coming in for a kiss.
P’Venus sends him links to several local tabloids, all speculating their version of the same story:
“Are Wuju Bakery actors Jeff Satur and Barcode Tinnasit dating in real life?”
“Dating or not? Jeff Satur spotted in romantic embrace with co-actor Barcode Tinnasit”
“Jeff Satur and Barcode Tinnasit in a potential relationship? Exclusive video inside”
Barcode is nowhere to be found, sending Jeff into a temporary panic as he bounds out of bed and beelines toward the bathroom. The door is closed, but Jeff can hear the water running from the faucet.
“Code?” Jeff tries, and the water shuts off.
“The video, P’Jeff, it’s everywhere-“
The clip of them together. Jeff has it lasered into his memory and he’s only been awake for all of five minutes.
His hands on Barcode’s waist after giving him a spin. Barcode’s arms secured around his neck. Barcode attempting to steal a kiss multiple times, drunk off four glasses of champagne. Jeff shoving him away playfully, wanting to wait until they were in the safety of their home.
Jeff giving in at the last second.
Their lips aren’t clearly visible given the distance and angle of the video, but the context clues are incriminating enough.
“P’Jeff-”
Barcode’s voice is shaky, and Jeff steels himself.
“Can I come in?"
He’s about to knock when Barcode slides the door open a crack. He’s perched on the ledge of the tub, curled into himself with his knees pressed together. His phone rests on the counter in front of him, face down in shame.
“Hey,” Jeff whispers as he comes down to a crouch.
“P’Pond messaged me.” Barcode buries his face into his hands, muffling his words. “They’re reevaluating my sponsorship. They said it was way too risky with all the rumors flying around.”
Jeff’s head spins. He's still processing the fact that the video exists at all, too low on mental capacity to even consider the consequences.
“Are you okay?”
Dumb question. Barcode doesn’t answer him.
“We shouldn’t have been outside. I drank so much I wasn’t thinking straight.” Barcode’s voice cracks between his fingers. “I should have been more careful.”
“It’s a little too late to be careful,” Jeff murmurs, unable to soften the underlying accusation. “You kissed me.”
“I know I did,” Barcode snaps suddenly. “You don’t need to rub it in.”
“I’m sorry.”
Jeff inches closer to reach for his hands, but Barcode pulls back subconsciously, not wanting to be touched at the moment.
“Is there any way we can get the video taken down?”
Barcode lifts his head and looks at him like he holds all the answers in the world, and Jeff can’t bear it.
“We can try,” Jeff says weakly, sinking to his knees over the tile. “I’m not sure what good that would do at this point.”
Doing so would only confirm their relationship, spurring another wave of questions online from nosy fans. Jeff knows all too well by experience.
“I’m scared,” Barcode says, worry painted in terrible colors all over his face. “I didn’t think it would be such a big deal.”
Hearing that exact phrase now is like a slap to the face, the memory of their dispute from months ago immediately clouding Jeff’s brain. A million thoughts swarm through his mind, and the one that surfaces is cruel and unsympathetic.
How could you be so careless?
He hates the small and traitorous voice inside of him that follows.
How could I be so selfish?
Jeff’s never made it a habit to lie to himself, always so level-headed and pragmatic to a fault since the day he was born. Things started to get a bit fuzzy ever since Barcode got involved.
“I’m scared too,” Jeff chokes out, staring at his hands in his lap. “But I wish you would have listened to me that night.”
“I didn’t realize,” Barcode confesses, shrinking into himself in embarrassment. “When those fan theories came out about Kana, or even when they followed you in Milan and posted those videos… we survived.”
“Those were just rumors, Code,” Jeff says in disbelief, a tinge of incredulity to his voice. He tries not to sound too patronizing. “This is real.”
“Would it be so bad?” Barcode rushes out impulsively. “They’ll find out eventually, won’t they?”
“You just started your career.” Jeff's mouth twists into a frown as he struggles to find the right words. “You can’t afford a scandal like this at nineteen. There are so many reasons why we shouldn't, no, I refuse to be the reason why you-”
“Why?” Barcode doesn’t let him finish. “Because we work together?”
“Because I’m ten years older than you-”
"Nine," Barcode fires back.
“And because I’m a man," Jeff says with emphasis, brutal and unflinching.
Barcode recoils from his last statement, a flicker of hurt crossing his face, and Jeff's heart squeezes at the sight.
He should never look like that, he thinks. Barcode should always be happy and healthy, thriving in this new and exciting phase of his life, not holed up in a bathroom grieving over things so undeniably out of their control.
Jeff hates himself for projecting his own insecurities onto him, but it’s too late, and the words come tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop them.
“If it's too much to handle, then maybe we should reconsider this relationship.”
He backpedals immediately, raising a hand as if to physically stop Barcode from responding.
“Hold on-”
“Are you...?” Barcode locks eyes with him, and Jeff feels stripped bare. “Reconsidering?”
“I-”
“What happened to being there with me every step of the way?”
Jeff feels like he’s suffocating with how his own words are hurled back at him, his sweet declaration from P’Woody’s interview from months ago now a barbed weapon. He wishes Barcode would stop asking him questions he doesn’t have the answers to.
“You know I’ll always do my best to protect you no matter what happens," Jeff says softly, eyes downcast. The words feel lodged in his throat, making the impending truth even harder to swallow. “But every second you’re with me puts your career in jeopardy."
"But-"
"Remember when my passport got leaked?"
The younger pauses and nods, a signal for Jeff to continue.
"I'm still cleaning up that whole mess,” Jeff persists, sitting up straighter. “And now they have our address. If we stay on the radar and things escalate, it could mean even fewer opportunities. Auditions, brand deals, you name it."
Barcode stares at him for a long moment, forced to face the sobering reality laid out before him. Jeff doesn't blame him for his hesitation. He knows how seriously Barcode takes his work, because they’re both cut from the same cloth.
"This is so messed up," Barcode manages finally, wringing his hands.
Jeff doesn't bother agreeing with him; he's been in the game long enough to know.
"If we stay together, I can't promise this won't happen again." Jeff glances up at him. "Are you willing to take that risk?"
He's met with red-rimmed eyes and an expression so distraught that Jeff's hands start to shake. He reaches out with tentative palms as if to ask for permission, and Barcode allows him to cup the sides of his face.
“I..., I don’t know,” Barcode breathes out into the few inches of space between their mouths. “What should I-”
“Code, you need to decide for yourself.” Jeff shuts his eyes before he does something stupid like kiss him. “I don't always have all the answers, even if you think-”
“I’m not asking you for answers,” Barcode says defensively, but the frantic tone of his voice betrays him.
“Then what-”
Barcode tries again. “What do you-"
“What do you want?” Jeff redirects before Barcode can deflect a second time, desperate for them to stop talking in circles. His knees are starting to numb from being on the floor too long, but he hardly feels it.
Barcode flusters into silence.
He’s unused to having the ball in his court, always eager to let Jeff lead by the way he leans in unconsciously until their foreheads are touching. Jeff feels Barcode's fists ball up in the fabric of his shirt, clutching tight as if he'd float away without Jeff anchoring him in place.
The silence that follows holds them hostage, trapping them beneath a thick blanket of tension.
“I love you, P'Jeff,” Barcode utters finally, dragging the words up from somewhere painfully deep. He's clearly working up the courage to say something, his voice an open and raw nerve.
“I love being with you, but I- ”
He can't say it.
Instead, he takes in a shuddering gasp and starts to sob. He’s trembling so violently that Jeff throws his arms around him, pulling him close to try and fix the situation like he always does, but the sudden proximity only makes Barcode cry harder.
“It's okay,” Jeff whispers into his hair with as much understanding as he can muster. There's no use in pretending his own eyes aren't wet with grief.
He lets Barcode take as much time as he needs, running his palms over his back with soothing strokes as tears streak freely down the younger's cheeks. Whether they're out of relief or regret, Jeff can't tell. He's not sure he wants to know.
The phone on the sink counter vibrates loudly, startling them both. It’s likely P’Pond checking in on them, undoubtedly searching for answers just like the rest of the world.
They pull apart reluctantly. Although Barcode’s now reduced to mere sniffling, he’s still too nervous to meet Jeff's gaze as they separate.
"Hey," Jeff coaxes gently, slipping a hand in between to tilt Barcode's chin up. "Look at me."
His eyes are so telling that Jeff already knows their fate.
-
They make a promise to stay off all social media for a few weeks.
Jeff insists on sleeping on the sofa to give Barcode some breathing room, even if he thinks the growing distance between them is probably doing more harm than good. Barcode doesn’t put up much of a fight, but he still sleeps on his side of the bed.
Jeff never takes the unspoken invitation, and one day, Barcode stops sleeping over altogether.
-
On the day Barcode decides he wants to officially move out, P’Tong sends a text to the group chat reminding everyone of his birthday party that evening.
Jeff had forgotten about it amidst all the madness, but saying no to P’Tong doesn’t seem like a viable option. Neither of them is in the mood to socialize, but neither of them wants to cause a scene by not showing up.
If Jeff and Barcode are unusually distant at the party, none of their friends dare to mention it. Even P’Tong keeps himself occupied with the other guests, though Jeff catches his occasional side-eye from time to time.
They barely speak to anyone throughout the night, eager to rush out the door soon after the cake is brought out.
Jeff punches in the code to their apartment on auto-pilot. 3-6-9-5. His own birthday, because Barcode had once said that Jeff was always the answer to everything.
“I’ll go grab the rest of my stuff,” Barcode says stiffly. “My sister will be here in five.”
Wait, Jeff wants to scream, please don’t leave.
Nothing comes out. He remains planted in the doorway, staring at the gaps in the shoe rack as Barcode shoves his collection of sneakers into a bag before marching into the bedroom.
Jeff watches him pack the rest of his things with precision: his beloved Hirono doll collection, a few scattered textbooks, and a couple of his favorite sweaters from the closet.
He leaves behind Jeff’s black hoodie, the one he used to fall asleep in. Seeing it now makes Jeff’s heart twist inside out.
Barcode rushes out without a goodbye.
Jeff stares at the door for a long time before stumbling around, the apartment eerily quiet without the presence of two.
He doesn't even make it past the hallway before he crumples to the floor.
-
Jeff lies alone in bed that night, staring at his phone. He’s been doing a lot of that lately, and it’s not helping the bags under his eyes, puffy with dark circles of unrest.
P’Venus sends him a link. It’s official, she says, but it sounds like I’m sorry.
***
BREAKING: Jeff Satur and Barcode Tinnasit deny dating rumors
Thai musician Jeff Satur and actor Barcode Tinnasit Isapongporn have both denied rumors that they are now dating.
As first reported by Hello Asian, rumors of their romance sparked recently with the release of several romantically charged photos. Tabloids claimed that the two started their relationship even before filming their widely anticipated Korean drama “Wuju Bakery”.
Satur’s own agency, Studio on Saturn, released a statement denying this, stating, “The two of them are simply very close friends, given the nature of their relationship. The dating rumors are groundless.”
Isapongporn’s agency, Be on Cloud, echoed a similar sentiment.
***
And there it is - all wiped out by a single ruthless headline.
Maybe falling in love was always the one luxury he couldn't afford. And if falling in love with Barcode was foolish, then maybe Jeff was a damn fool.
The saddest part of it all is that Jeff never gets the chance to thank him. The many years of easy friendship and camaraderie, the now bittersweet memory of their first kiss in the studio, the subsequent whirlwind romance that changed his outlook on love.
After everything, it just doesn’t seem fair. When he’s worked so hard to be careful his entire career, his entire life, only to have their privacy invaded in the cheapest way possible. There's something bestial inside of Jeff that wants to pound against the walls, scream and shout at the injustice of it all.
But he doesn't.
He lies there in bed, forwards the article to Barcode as promised, and curls up deeper under the covers.
Despite the Bangkok heat, winter has never felt so cold.