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Heaving, sweating, and grinding his teeth, Shu Yi got down from his bicycle, nearly seething with rage. Although unsure if the anger was targeted at his own incompetence or him. He was still gripping the handles tightly. He watched his back on the bike in front of him. His legs spread out and feet touching the ground to stop the bike.
Shu Yi shut his eyes and huffed, exasperated. He threw his bike down on the grass bed and sat down beside it, avoiding him at any cost. He wanted to cry. How could he lose a simple bike race too? His jaw trembled, he pushed his sweaty locks back and pulled himself together. He would never give his enemy the satisfaction of seeing him weak. He asked for this race— Shu Yi ran his palm over his face, how could he have been so stupid— so he wasn’t allowed to be a sore loser.
He started picking at the glass blades, tugging at the deeply rooted ones that took force. With his hot-head filled with annoyance, he kept being the little destroyer as if that was going to give him the power or control over his life when he heard the voice and all of a sudden now all of his thoughts belonged to a singular entity.
“Here,” the voice said.
Shu Yi paused. Shi De. It didn’t matter in what way, in what sense, or what feelings were conjured up for him to become his point of concentration, but there he was, and suddenly everything was calm. For a moment, all there was his own breathing, his own heartbeats, and Shi De.
So, he looked up.
The eyes looked back at him. Shu Yi didn’t understand what he saw in them but he looked away at the distant sun about to set. He gulped. He hadn’t paid attention to how dry his throat was but now it was unbearable.
“Are you not thirsty?” Shi De asked, nudging his arm with the bottle this time. Shu Yi made an irritated noise and snatched it from his hand.
As he drank the water, he glanced at Shi De from the corner of his eyes, a soft smile on his face. It was smugness, he told himself, despite the gentleness that it was pouring over his heart. Shu Yi rolled his eyes and handed the bottle back to him. In the process, his fingertips brushed with Shi De’s and he saw the way inhaled as if… as if he had touched something… scary perhaps.
Shu Yi waited for him to say something or to leave. But he watched as Shi De turned his hand into a fist by his side, rubbing his hand as if he had touched a live wire or something and he was trying to be subtle about it. Shu Yi wanted to scoff. Shi De didn’t have to be discreet about his dislike for him. After a while, Shi De took a step close to him and Shu Yi frowned, he had to arch his neck further.
“Your legs must be hurting. Go home and rest.”
The breath in Shu Yi’s chest wavered. He kept looking up at the boy painted in the pink and orange light. He was sure Shi De was mocking him and his defeat, but for a moment there, the look on his face, that never faltering soft smile seemed almost sweet, like that of a friend even. There was a tenderness in Shi De’s voice that felt too heavy for Shu Yi’s heart to keep, something he was too unfamiliar with. Tenderness was not something he was abundantly offered. Creases formed between his brows as the absurdness of his own thoughts hit him. He was being pathetic, seeing things that never could be. He blamed it on his exhausted brain and body and the low light that made even the face of someone like Shi De seem… majestic.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” Shu Yi replied with a sneer.
It was quiet for a couple of moments, only the summer evening wind between them, and then Shi De took a step back. Shu Yi’s heart skipped a beat. He wanted to not acknowledge it, but he knew it was fear. It was his own heart after all.
He did not understand it. He did not know why. Hell. He did not know anything. But he knew it was lonely without him.
“Get home before it’s dark,” Shi De said, quieter this time and this time he didn’t wait for Shu Yi’s hurtful replies. He turned around and started walking away.
Shu Yi turned his face to the side away from Shi De and pressed his cheek against his shoulder. Shu Yi’s chin quivered as he heard the sounds of Shi De’s footsteps fading. He quickly wiped his tears with the back of his wrist.
He hated him more.