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The lake was gorgeous. Easily one of the best bodies of water Jess had been in that summer. It was small, sure, but that just meant the locals didn’t bother with it too much. Kids probably splashed around in the daytime, but come nightfall, it was untouched, a haven tucked away in a little patch of woodland, not too far by the bargained-for car they had managed to borrow from Bev for the night.
It had been Maybelle’s idea; apparently she had come here once with Jo last summer. (Jess wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. Mostly she wasn’t sure which one of them to be more jealous of.) She’d propositioned the poker table a few nights before, and everyone had miraculously agreed.
Jess was the most eager out of all of them, of course. After a long day of playing dress up for the press, she was more than ready for a little recklessness. So they’d packed a few beers, gotten in the car, and gone.
The lake was alive that night, humming vibrantly. The caddisflies were dying off by this time in the season, thank God or whoever else, but mayflies and buzzy mosquitos still swarmed near the dock, and water gliders still skated across the surface in the dark. Crickets chirped in the distance, and the low croak of frogs resonated from the banks every now and again. She’d even heard an owl on the walk down to the water.
Jess had spent several weeks straight outside, sure, but she had missed being in nature, which was a different kind of delight. She felt like a part of the world here, another one of Earth’s imperfect little creatures, hidden from civilization in the low light of the moon reflecting off the surface. It was familiar, the way all bodies of water were, even though she’d never been at this specific lake before.
She was the first one to pull her clothes off when they made it to the dock, yanking her dress over her head in one liberating motion, then stepping out of her shorts and diving in immediately.
The coolness of the water soothed her irritation like a balm, clearing out the itch of a day spent under scrutiny. Bev had warned her to wear a dress if she wanted to get through the photographs alive, and of course she’d listened, because she would bend over backwards just to stay on the Peaches, do things she wouldn’t do for anything else. Still, it was harder some days than others, and today it had been absolute hell.
But now, she was free of it, a little shocked from the cold, but otherwise perfectly content. She wasted no time, immediately swimming out in a wide loop, enjoying the feel of water slipping around her body
“Someone’s eager,” Ana commented from the dock. She followed suit without hesitating, though, and hopped in with a little yelp at the cold.
“Ooh!” Maybelle squealed at the resulting splash of water on her ankles, kicking at Ana in retaliation.
“You gonna get in, May?” Ana asked instead of apologizing, picking up a strand of slimy algae between her fingers and gesturing threateningly with it.
“I’m coming, I just have to be careful with my hair!” she responded. “Lupe, dear, will you hold this?” She shed her cardigan, draping it over Lupe’s outstretched arm, before beginning on the buttons of her blouse. When it was open, she grinned sweetly down at Ana and shooed her away. “That’s all you get for free!”
Ana turned respectfully away, swimming out towards Jess. Jess closed her eyes as well, dunking her head underwater to give Maybelle some privacy. A guppy swam past her ankle, as if saying hello.
After a moment, she heard the splash of somebody entering the water and came up for air.
Sure enough, Maybelle’s head was poking out of the water, carefully positioned so as to keep her perfectly curled and bleached hair dry.
Lupe was still on the deck, holding Maybelle’s entire outfit on one arm and covering her face with the other. “Can I open my eyes now?”
Maybelle laughed. “Oh, sweetpea, that was just for these two rascals,” she called out. “You didn’t have to look away.”
Lupe took her hand away from her face, and though the darkness obscured her expression a little, Jess was almost certain she was blushing. She hung Maybelle’s clothes neatly over the rail of the dock rather than leaving them in a pile like the others.
She was taking her time, finishing her beer, even though their stash had gone warm long ago. It took only a minute, but the waiting was almost unbearable, with how much Jess wanted to be near her, even now. She watched her bring the bottle to her lips and tilt her head back, swallowing the last of it quickly, with a grimace of fortitude at the temperature.
Finally, she set down the bottle and surveyed the water briefly, glancing very noticeably in Jess’ direction. Then, she swiftly dropped her button-up to the floor.
Jess tried not to stare as Lupe stepped out of her skirt, tried to pull her eyes away from the turning of her ankle, the hair along the length of her calf, the flexing of her thighs as she quickly shed her boxers—
Before Jess could muster up the strength to look away, Lupe jumped in.
She hit the water with a splash, disappearing momentarily beneath it before standing again, the water only coming to halfway up her stomach in the shallow near the dock.
Maybelle grumbled half-heartedly about getting splashed, and Ana simply splashed back, but Jess could hardly follow the conversation, too focused on Lupe.
She almost couldn’t believe the sheer beauty of the sight: Lupe rising from the water, tilting her head back to look up at the starry sky, her curls weighed down with water and shining in the moonlight. She laughed at something Ana said, and Jess couldn’t tear her eyes away from the little rivulets of water trailing down her neck, down the length of her bare breast. She was shivering a little bit from the cold, nipples peaked, and Jess wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her, to find some way to warm her up.
For a moment she imagined the sight moved somewhere else, a bathtub big enough for two, water that was warm and clear and unobscuring…
“Hey, shorty!” Ana called as she swam closer, jostling Jess from her fantasy. “Come play with us!”
Jess swam out to meet them in the middle, both disappointed and relieved when the water rose to cover Lupe’s chest. At least she could think clearly again.
But then Lupe caught her eye and gave her a private smirk, letting her know she’d been caught staring, and Jess promptly remembered that she could never think all that clearly around Lupe, not even when she was fully clothed. Here, it was a lost cause entirely.
“If you’ve done it, you dunk,” Ana explained. “Easy enough.”
“Never have I ever…” Maybelle paused briefly, scrunching her face in contemplation. “…cheated at poker.”
Ana grimaced at being caught out and dunked beneath the water.
Jess did the same. Then Lupe.
“Really?” Maybelle huffed. “I’ve been playing all summer with a lot of cheaters?”
“Makes it that much more impressive when you win, May,” Jess offered rather than deny it.
They continued on, and every time, Maybelle managed to get her way out of going under on some technicality or another. Jess and Ana took a different approach, constantly trying to out-do one another with the salacious details any time they both had to dunk. Lupe had committed a respectably impressive amount of taboos, falling somewhere in the middle, but she still beat Ana for most shenanigans pulled on church grounds.
“Hmm,” Ana deliberated, looking between the three of them with a pointed smirk. She finally leveled her gaze at Maybelle. “Never have I ever fooled around on a lake.”
“Oh, this game is awful,” Maybelle complained. Jess just dunked swiftly under.
“On?” Lupe questioned. “As in…on the water?”
“Sure,” Jess piped up cheerily. “The dinghy quickie is a classic.”
Lupe’s eyebrows raised immediately at the term.
Possibly the best part of this game was the secondary conversation that Jess and Lupe were having alongside it, spoken in glances and half-hidden smirks, or even just the shared satisfactory feeling of knowing when the other was going to dunk.
“Yeah,” Jess confirmed. “It’s when you have a quickie in a dinghy. Or, any boat, really.” In the corner of her vision, she caught Lupe failing to hold back a grin.
“I can’t get my hair wet,” Maybelle said for the fifteenth time.
“Bet you didn’t mind getting wet when you were in that dinghy, huh, May?” Ana teased.
Maybelle splashed her. “It was a nice boat. We packed a dinner and everything.”
“Well, damn, Maybelle, if I knew your taste was so expensive I would’ve sprung for the good beer.”
“Why do you always tease me?”
“She’s got a crush on you,” Jess joked, and was immediately splashed by both of them for it.
Lupe still looked like she was trying to figure the premise out, pursing her lips and furrowing her brow in exaggerated consideration. “Did you worry about getting seasick?” she asked, and though the question was directed at Maybelle, her eyes slipped quickly over to Jess’. Her thoughtful expression wavered a little bit with the urge to smile, but she managed to mostly hide it this time.
“Can’t get seasick on a lake,” Jess contributed. “The Great Lakes, maybe, but not one like this.” She grinned toothily at Maybelle, who was looking a little flushed from the interrogation. “A nice girl like Maybelle deserves a nice lake,” she said in a deliberately nonchalant voice. “One just like this, right, May?”
Maybelle flushed even brighter, looking like she was still wearing her makeup. “I’m done playing,” she said decisively. Despite her firm voice, she broke into a mischievous grin, raising her eyebrows in response to Jess’ question. “Anyway, I win!”
“No, you don’t!” Ana argued. “You wouldn’t admit to doing anything.”
“Yeah,” Maybelle reiterated. “So I win.”
“I won,” Jess asserted, glancing over at Lupe as she said it. “I’ve done the most.”
“I don’t know,” Lupe said, even as she failed to hold back another smile. “I’m with Maybelle. The whole point was to make other people dunk. Why would the goal be to lose?”
“Hey,” Ana butted in. “I won, for sure.”
“Yeah right, Blair.”
“I did!”
“You never even gave a novice a hickey! That’s just embarrassing.”
“I don’t buy that you both did that! You're not even Catholic!”
“Alright!” Maybelle yelled, shutting them up. “I think I’ve had enough swimming.”
“Boo!” Ana grumbled lightheartedly, but she swam over to spot her as she clambered up onto the dock.
“Last time you’re gonna see all this, so don’t forget it,” Maybelle taunted with her back turned, wiggling in a little mock-burlesque dance as she wrapped her towel sensually around her.
Ana whistled a snippet of a showtune and heaved herself up onto the dock after her, less graceful. She immediately fished a cigarette out of the pocket of her neglected sweater, but her hands were too wet to light it. She huffed and leaned back against the post of the dock, resolving to let herself air-dry, even though Maybelle had insisted they bring four towels.
Maybelle pinched her cheek and easily lit one, then stuck it straight into Ana’s mouth so she wouldn’t dampen it.
Jess wasn’t ready to get out just yet, so she slunk a little farther back into the water. Lupe watched her quietly, not moving, so Jess did a little somersault to punctuate the sentiment.
Lupe bit her lip, shook her head a little bit, and then followed her until they were just out of earshot of the dock, where Maybelle and Ana had resumed an argument about something or other.
“Hi,” Lupe said when she caught up to Jess, grinning.
Jess couldn’t help but smile back, unable to do anything else when Lupe was looking at her like that, like they were sharing a secret just by standing next to one another. “Hi,” she said back. “Nice night.”
Lupe just laughed, which was fair enough. “Lovely,” she agreed. She glanced deliberately down at the water, at the arm’s length of space between them, then back up at Jess, slowly taking in her exposed shoulders and neck before looking back to her face. “Beautiful, you might even say.”
Very rarely did Jess let anyone call her beautiful.
“You might,” she conceded, pleased and a little bashful. Then, because she was sure she would make a fool of herself if she didn’t change the subject, she dropped her voice. “Maybelle and Jo, huh?”
“Did not see that one coming.” Lupe raised an eyebrow. “Wish I’d figured it out earlier.”
“Hey, now,” Jess grumbled. She wasn’t really offended, but she splashed at her in retaliation all the same.
Lupe splashed back, and they fought for a moment, giggling, until Jess swept her arm broadly across the surface, half-turning as she did it, causing a wave to crash over the side of Lupe’s face.
“Fucker!”
Jess didn’t realize what she was doing until her hand was already there, touching the side of Lupe’s face gently to smooth back the wet hair that had flattened against her cheek. She stopped and dropped her hand.
Lupe smiled softly, finishing the movement easily. She glanced back at Ana and Maybelle, who had stopped bickering and settled into an easy conversation. “I know they’re…” she started but didn’t finish. “Still,” she reminded gently. Her smile twisted in knowing commiseration, glancing back at Jess’ neck and shoulders like she was trying to drink in the sight before they had to go back to pretending again.
“Yeah.” Jess understood, of course she did, but it was still hard. Harder than she’d ever imagined it would be, really. It was different than her previous relationships had been, what with them living in the same house, under Sarge’s protective but harsh eye, surrounded by teammates who, no matter how much Jess loved them, could turn on her at any second, if they only knew. There was Esti, too, sweet and kind-hearted, but their biggest liability all the same, the way her youth spoke for her when she couldn’t speak for herself.
But despite all that, it was absolutely worth it. And now, under the moonlight, tucked away somewhere secret with a couple of their safe friends, Jess couldn’t help but look blatantly, unable to fight the urge she so often repressed.
The water was dark and shimmery, reflecting little glimmers of moonlight, almost more beautiful than the actual stars. It glittered between their bodies in the darkness, a permeable barrier that was always moving, something she couldn’t get a good look at before it changed again. Being with Lupe in Rockford often felt that way, like there was never a moment of certainty. But still, it was always beautiful, always mesmerizing, the refreshing feeling of jumping in with both feet more than worth the momentary seizing of the lungs that came with it.
“Turning in, we’re getting eaten up out here!” Maybelle called from the dock. She gestured for them to come along.
The thought of leaving the water, of putting her dress back on and returning home, ached like a fresh bruise. She didn’t move, just looked back expressionless, trying to prepare herself.
“We’ll catch up with you,” Lupe called back, surprising her. “Won’t be long.”
Ana shrugged. “There’s a deck of cards in the car, Maybelle,” she offered, buttoning up the front of her dress.
“Stick together!” Maybelle insisted as she took Ana’s arm. “Buddy system!”
As they turned down the trail back towards where they’d left the car, Jess went into a back float, delighted and not bothering to hide it. “Thanks, Lu.”
Lupe smiled and moved a little closer. “Just wanted a moment with you.”
Jess could feel Lupe’s eyes on her. The look she was giving Jess was more than simply flirtatious; it was indulgent, more than she usually allowed herself unless they were behind a closed door, and even then, caution was a necessary evil that usually kept them from taking their time. But now she was looking over Jess’ body slowly, letting her eyes catch where they wanted to.
Jess felt like indulging, too. She had never been someone people wanted to look at too closely, not like this, usually. And she hadn’t often stepped into view in the first place, had rarely gotten fully undressed for a woman in her many years of frequenting seedy bars. But she liked being looked at by Lupe, she found, more and more as this thing between them settled, before bubbling and expanding, then settling again.
She couldn’t move much in this position, or she’d sink down, so she simply closed her eyes and parted her lips just a little bit, easing into the feeling rather than fighting it.
It was almost as though Lupe’s gaze itself warmed her, gently lapping against her skin like the water. It glided over even the weight of her chest, the parts of her body she kept hidden most days, something that had simply gone wrong when she was made and been a burden to her ever since. Jess had never really believed in God, but sometimes she took solace in the idea, because at least He was someone to blame. If the big man upstairs was real, she’d have some words for Him about a lot of things when she died. The inexpressible way she felt about living in this body was certainly one of them.
But it didn’t make her stomach twist, for Lupe to look at her, breasts and all. The gaze was layered, understanding and affection and hot desire all wrapped up into one, but really, it was simple, too. Lupe looked at Jess and saw all that she was, more than just the shortcuts and half-truths that the shape of her body could tell. Lupe saw her and loved it all.
Jess was more than a little pleased by the sensation.
“You look peaceful,” Lupe observed quietly. “Like you belong out here.”
Jess could hear the beginnings of a laugh in her voice, the shape of a smile.
“I’m a very good swimmer,” she said, opening her eyes.
That did it; Lupe laughed softly, another beautiful sound woven into the noisy tapestry of the night. “I’d love to see you in Moose Jaw,” she said. “How much freer are you in the lakes that raised you?”
Not much more than this, really, but Jess wanted Lupe to see for herself all the same. “Someday,” she promised. “I’ll show you all my favorite lakes.”
Lupe stepped closer, a tiny wave moving with her, licking at the side of Jess’ arm. “And then you can show me some new ways to lose Never Have I Ever.”
“Don’t have to be back home to do that,” Jess countered, wiggling her eyebrows.
Lupe grinned. “How long d’ya think until they come looking for us?” she joked.
Then, Jess felt a slight ripple in the water beneath her, felt the touch before it got to her.
Lupe closed the space between them, trailing her fingers gently down Jess’ back, a clandestine caress.
Jess couldn’t help it, she shivered slightly at the touch. It vibrated through her body, an electric current fortified by the chilly water. She closed her eyes again, trying her best not to fold and sink into the feeling.
As if recognizing the impulse, Lupe flattened her hand, gently pressing her palm to the small of Jess’ back to support a little bit of her weight. Her hand was a little warmer than the water, and somehow even softer.
Jess hummed in pleasure.
They stayed like that for a long moment, swaying slightly with the natural movement of the water, Lupe looking at Jess, Jess enjoying being looked at.
There was nothing like it, nothing so simultaneously comforting and breathtaking as Lupe’s attention. Lupe’s affection, freely given in the darkness of a hot summer night.
Jess was content to stay there all night, until her toes turned blue and her hair turned green. She decided then and there that she would find a way to bring Lupe up to Saskatchewan and go swimming. And if Lupe ever wanted, Jess would follow her home to the Gulf in a heartbeat.
Jess was absolutely at peace.
Until she started drowning, that was. The moment was shattered by water suddenly rushing over her nose and in her mouth.
Before Jess could realize what was happening, Lupe had snaked her hand around the far side of her waist and firmly tugged, pulling her into the water in one swift motion.
Jess spluttered as she crashed under, startled by the rushing sound of water in her ears. Her eyes had opened without her meaning to, and she screwed them shut against the murky water.
Lupe wrapped her arms all the way around her and pulled her deeper, and they crossed the threshold where the water suddenly became cold-cold, the sensation like falling through the floor straight into the grave.
The moment was endless, the lake growing around her, fish darting away in a frenzied panic.
Jess was terrified at first, a natural reaction to suddenly drowning, but then she felt Lupe against her and remembered where she was, safe (although annoyed).
And then Lupe let go, only a few seconds having passed, and the miracle of human buoyancy pulled Jess back up to the surface.
“Fuck you,” she gasped out when she emerged. She immediately broke into an uncontrollable laugh, giddy from shock and suddenly very cold.
Lupe had popped up beside her and was grinning self-satisfactorily. “Surprise.”
“That all you have to say for yourself?”
“You just looked so calm,” she said, like that was an explanation.
Jess wanted to grumble, but they both knew she would’ve done the same thing, roles reversed, so she settled for merely pouting instead.
Lupe laughed and reached a hand out to rest on Jess’ shoulder—intimate but with enough plausible deniability to it. “Couldn’t help myself,” she said apologetically. “Can you blame me? Driving me crazy to be this close to you. I mean, you’re naked.”
Jess dropped her disgruntled act. “So are you,” she pointed out. “I almost hate it.”
“I know,” Lupe commiserated. Then, she smirked. “But you don’t.”
“No, I don’t,” Jess admitted easily. She ventured a hand out beneath the water to touch Lupe’s waist. It was too dark to be seen, much less from the empty dock, but it still felt like a secret to be kept.
She brushed her fingers gently along the side of Lupe’s stomach. Her skin was bumpy from the cold, and she shivered a little bit at the touch.
Jess watched her reaction hungrily, meeting her gaze as she slipped down to run her hand over her hip.
Lupe’s eyes were darker than ever in the low lighting. She opened her mouth and then closed it, as if unsure what to do with herself. Then, after a long moment, she said, “I really want to lose Never Have I Ever next time.”
Jess barked out a laugh. She flicked a tiny splash of water at her. “You mean win.”
Lupe shrugged. “Either way.” But then she sighed and added, “We gotta go, though.”
“There’ll be other lakes,” Jess reassured her, starting to go in. “I’m not picky.”
They swam back to the dock in happy silence, exchanging fond glances the whole way.
When they made it, both standing half-exposed in the shallow water, Jess gestured for Lupe to go first. “You had your turn,” she explained. “Now it’s my chance to look.”
Lupe laughed but acquiesced, pulling herself up by the strength of her arms alone. As she took her towel from the pile on the deck, she spun in a circle, a little mockery of Maybelle’s routine.
Jess clapped and whistled, playing along with the joke, though of course she genuinely thought Lupe was gorgeous, and the moment was gone all too soon.
Jess reluctantly got out of the lake herself. She shivered at the coolness of the air against her wet skin, and Lupe handed her a towel. She started to wrap herself in it, but halfway through the action, Lupe took her by the waist, her own towel slipping, and kissed Jess squarely on the lips.
Jess let go of the towel, leaving it hanging off her shoulders, and reached for Lupe in return, threading her fingers through her hair and holding her close.
Lupe opened her mouth and turned the kiss into something messy fast, tinged with the green taste of lake water. It took Jess by surprise, the urgency prompting a sudden swoop of arousal in her abdomen, hot and desperate as Lupe pressed firmly against her.
But then Lupe suddenly stepped away, wiping her mouth off on the edge of her towel. She winked at Jess. “Better get back to the car.”
Jess couldn’t do anything but laugh in bewilderment. Anywhere else it would be too loud, but here, naked and soaking on a tiny dock in the middle of a wild night, there was nothing standing in the way of her affection, no witness but nature.
When they were dressed, she slung her arm over Lupe’s shoulders and kissed her on the cheek. Lupe’s wet hair shone silver in the moonlight, and Jess looked as much as she pleased until they came back into view of the car.
An owl hooted, and Lupe smiled, and the warm night wrapped itself protectively around them.
“So,” Ana asked when they crawled into the backseat. “Was it the same novice?”