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Long ago, things were different.
Commitment was everything stagnant, it was static wine left to age in the confines of a glass bottle that nobody ever opens.
In movies and books, commitment was names written on the rusted overpass with fleeting promises of forever. Dreams of what could never be, sold in a package made to appeal. It stood for all that Jake once despised at one point, who would rather gladly take the easier route in which plans went haywire.
He didn’t have many friends growing up, content to shy inwards of his shell of solitude as his pivotal years went by. Online, he was popular, people wanted to talk to him and truly valued his thoughts. But it was all the same, that is, to stop by for a few chats and games. Only to come back to reality once the computer’s turned off and he’s tucked into bed.
Then he met Albert, where a few messages turned into a few hours, and suddenly his mind was riddled with that whimsy, brash boy who loved Roblox just as much as him as he stared at the dark, moonlit ceiling.
Within the steady rise of his chest, a few hours became a few years-- Years filled of Albert with his heart of gold and big dreams, who shone brightly over his gloomy teenage days all the way down from Florida. Who so kindly took a chance on him when it seemed nobody else ever would. And soon enough, the same joy that came when he texted back spilled out of his own hands and bled the imprint of Albert's outspokenness into every crook of Jake's life.
Jake wonders if it could ever truly be shown under the black light of truth, the blood stains of indebtedness in the tremor of his hands. How he’d gladly follow Albert to the ends of the earth and beyond because it was wholly a gift to have his frozen heart cracked open. To have once been deep blue and be subsequently painted golden.
Its apparentness glows all-encompassing in the little moments, over small talk, on a Sunday in Albert’s kitchen, in silence under the watchful gaze of incandescent stars, when the roots of himself begin to lie in another state over a thousand miles away, when it gets to the point that friends around them start begging for the two to realize the obvious.
It went without saying that for the twelve years he’s been in love with Albert, his devotion hasn’t moved an inch. Jake’s stuck with this impalpable string of fate that, unbeknownst to him, ties itself into yet another knot each time Albert looks at him, eyes of fluorescence that could have only been beared by summer itself.
Unashamedly, Albert had been the one to inquire about it first.
He lets it slip during one of their calls, "I don't want to get my first tattoo alone, you should get one too so we can match, " the words are a suggestion, all the while his voice sounded all too persuasive as he ever was.
It’s a loaded question obviously, there’s weight hanging on either side of it. Still, there’s something about the way Albert lightly, casually offers up such a grand gesture, unconsciously reminding him of all the unwarranted trust and dedication he's put into him makes Jake fear that the salt swelling in his palms is going to melt his skin down to the bone right then and there.
But he knows Albert, he’s seen how love of all kinds draped itself across Albert's face after all these years. He knows that when Albert’s single he pretends it's his brain over his heart, that love is cheap and tasteless, but when consumed by infatuation, he runs through life and leaves the stars in his trail blurred after him.
Jake responds with a lovesick ache in his cheeks, “Of course.” And the rest falls into place.
They discuss further on call.
It’s a secret for himself that sometimes when they call on Discord just like this, Jake’s ridden with nostalgia. Those bittersweet, blistering hot nights from years ago flash into his mind. Mid-July in a dark room, Don’t go to sleep yet please, One more game, Exist in the same place as me for just a little longer, Let me be tired enough so I can tell you I love you. I loved you from the very first day.
“Dude, I don’t know what to get!” Albert complains, exaggeratingly sliding down his office chair.
Jake’s been watching him scroll through what appeared to be Pinterest on his phone for a good half hour now. He watched as his eyes either rolled or lit up at each picture. Now in visible distress over how he’s unofficially placed the responsibility of a non-cheesy tattoo idea on himself. As it turned out, eliminating anything to do with names or less-than-pleasing fonts vastly narrowed down the idea pool.
Jake chuckles at his boyfriend’s self-inflicted stress, "I mean, just start with something that’s… you . That’s why we’re doing this right? It’s for us.”
Lightening strikes right through his chest at the word as soon as it falls past his lips. Us . Singular units tied up in a pretty plural package together. Almost less than a single syllable but it meant more than a lifetime. Us. The two of us.
Jesus, he needed to compose himself.
“You want me to think about myself? I wanted a tattoo, not a fucking existential crisis.” Albert complained. “It’d be easier if you were here.” He trailed off in a mopey sense, crossing his arms like a sopping cat.
“Womp, womp.” Jake teases, and Albert glares up at him like he was expecting him to play along and give him attention, proclaiming how much he missed him so.
Which Jake did, but he knows Albert already has that down. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of that right now. Not when it’s ten times more entertaining to toss playful jokes back and forth with the distinct shimmer of fondness in his eyes.
“I hate you,” Albert grumbles as he pulls his beanie over his eyes, revealing only the infectious smile that’s on his face.
“No, you don’t. In fact, you’re hurting my feelings. . ”
“ I’m hurting your feelings? Does this hurt your feelings?” Albert lazily gives him the middle finger to the webcam, “ Idiot .”
“Dude, what is wrong with you?" Jake's in disbelief, yet he's laughing like a madman. He can’t help that hold that Albert has on him, of calling each other dumb names with the purest of adoration until their cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.
“What’s wrong is that I’m indecisive and going to die alone with no tattoo because you hate me.”
" You were the one who–Whatever.” Jake can’t help but let out a chuckle under his breath at his absurdity “Just have it figured out by tomorrow, you know when we I fly down there?”
“Is that a threat?”
“Not if TSA’s asking.”
Jake falls asleep that night with Albert on his mind, all these years later. Old habits die hard, and loving Albert is nothing but habit, easy as breathing.
Undeniably, Florida’s sun is harsh on the skin. Summer has battered its rays down on Jake’s joints, a far cry from the Northern heat he’s all too used to. Albert on the other hand, was just fine, it appeared when he met him at the airport. Content to brave away the heat with air-conditioning and jeans. Here Jake was, barely used to anything over seventy Fahrenheit meanwhile Albert was reveling in solstice like he was born for it—and Jake could almost believe just that.
Albert was a summer baby. Gemini blood rattled his veins through and through. He grew up in the midst of palmy Florida with warm eyes and the scattered sun-stained spots on his tanned skin to show for it. Jake realizes it the more he falls into the beams of his smile. In blooms of laughter and rosed of cheeks, ribboned in the sweetest of desire, the most lily-feathered of song that is his voice.
When Albert talks, it cascades onto the vast walls of the foyer and Jake’s flicked back into the reality of his current surroundings. "I cleaned just for you by the way." He makes light as his attention is directed toward the delicate tidiness of each area. “I’m so not used to seeing everything nice like this.”
"Dude, yeah. I was wondering why it didn’t smell like a biohazard as soon as I got in." Jake can only shake off the sickly layer of love that’s covered himself head-to-toe with an easy-going grin.
“Must’ve been you .” Albert shoots an unpleased glare back at Jake, who despite all of that, takes him by the hands, the very palms that have manifested everything Jake’s ever known.
Yet even so, It evoked some deep emotion within Jake to share small bouts of fondness in Albert’s home like this, just the two of them. Bantering back and forth over shitty pizza on the kitchen counter. To someday think of home as a place where Albert sits and watches TV with him as the sunset blankets both of their bodies on the couch.
One day, he'd swear to make Albert laugh in a house that's just for the two of them. And he'll let the melodies of the song sit in every inch, crevice, and shelf, gathering dust in the corner of his heart (home).
On the couch after they settle in, it's close to sunset. It's that window of time in which the glass panes let gold seep through their fibers and it landed on Alberts’s cheek, spilling down to his shirt.
"I still don't have an idea for the tattoo," Albert speaks softly, letting the jagged edges of himself turn to waves as he always did when it was just the two of them–nothing calculated nor curated for show.
"I know." Jake mirrors his delicate tone. He cards through the strays of his hair, which earns an upwards tug from the corner of Albert's smile, and he can’t help but smile whenever Albert does, something about being on the same mental wavelength as him for years.
He's not all that indifferent to Albert's way of living. Albert was prone to procrastination, he thrived on spontaneity to get things done. Jake's learned to adjust to the way his brain is wired in fact, he's come to appreciate him for it. As he’s always been someone timidly and planned with his actions. Which meant he genuinely admired Albert for not caring about any of that. For going with the flow and still managing to come out on top.
"Yeah." Albert's voice is slow under the sunlight. Like he's almost in direct sync with the honeyed gleam that's chosen to pour down on him. For years, Albert had resided here and tolerated this place for what it was. Jake could never see why until it really hit him.
In every flashing billboard, sky-high building, and lively crowd, he saw a reflection of Albert. All at once, it appeared as if this city screamed his name even in it's every hidden crevice and inch, it'd always shine for him.
In summer on the coast, the sun chooses Albert, and Albert always chooses Jake. Always will.
He reaches out to poke at Albert’s cheek. It feels like he’s stroked the flames of a new type of sin. One he wants to go down and be remembered by when all has burnt to the ground.
"How about we get the sun and moon?" He says because the feeling's so fierce that it's gnawed at his heart, cracked every twist of his ribs, and explodes like a million puffs of dandelions into his veins.
Albert's face is neutral while he processes the words, he meets them with no protest. Instead asking, "I'm the sun?" It's more of a statement than a question. Ultraviolet, so weaved into every part of his being that he gets it right away, on the first try. He understands. It's natural .
"Always." And the next time Jake whispers the word, it's into the gentle dawn of his lips.
The next day it’s done. Albert, who got his tattoo last, walked over to Jake with a slight skip in his step. He’s trying not to laugh at how Jake will lovingly tease his walking later on.
"So? Let me see!" Jake exclaimed, to which Albert covered up the plastic wrap on his arm.
" Dude …it's none of your business." Albert looked the other way, attempting to appear bothered until Jake stood up and pulled him in by the other arm.
" Actually ," Jake began, causing Albert to giggle. "Last I checked, I was a part of this tattoo too?" He tries his best to see it but Albert won't give in, keeping his arm hidden from view.
"What tattoo?" But Albert continued to keep his stupid act up, and while his commitment to The Bit was admittedly endearing, Jake needed to at least make sure he got what they asked for.
"If they fucked it up just say so, dude." Jake chuckled, knowing that'd be sure to get it out of him.
"No! It’s––Fine, fine. Here, I'll let you see it outside." He drags Jake to bring him outside, the crisp evening air hitting his face suddenly.
The outside was beginning to cool off from its previous scorching state now, trading skies of ice-blue for flares of orange and peony. Silence fills the air only briefly with the consistent rumble of cars speeding through the busy urban street underneath.
"Okay, same time?" Jake looks at him, and Albert nods. "3...2..."
They pull out their arms side by side at the cue. The plastic isn't the most sheer and the ink is still puffy red around the edges, but nevertheless, it’s clear what the designs were and most importantly, how special they looked together.
The sun, and its moon.
The moon and its sun.
Jake is the first one to break the awed silence, "Wow, that's like, actually there and permanent. Crazy."
"Really? I thought I could pour scalding bleach onto my arm and wipe it all off."
"You're annoying ." Jake breathes with the biggest smile plastered on his face, and Albert knows he means I love you.
The blaring wheels of the passing cars do little to rival how loud and grand his infatuation has swelled in his body. Albert, carrying the sun inked with love into his arm and his eyes aflutter with desire.
“I can’t believe I got a tattoo for you.” Jake adds.
"I can." Because it was always meant to be this way. The stars aligned and subsequently intertwined that fateful day they messaged for the first time, and maybe even before then. There'd be neither surprise nor fanfare if the two were written in the very grounds the earth was built upon.
The world could be turned inside out, hollowed, broken into pieces and put back together, and somehow they’d appear right at each other’s sides without fail.
It made the most sense for Albert to be the one to reveal his tattoo. His entire upper body was on camera almost every single day and there was simply no use in concealing a tattoo that was all but inconspicuous without its counterpart.
Jake wasn't the one with the sting of camera lights burned into his retinas, he could afford tentative moves at comfort. Meanwhile Albert had been so generously declared superstar-sunshine by fate itself. He had videos to record, most of all, a life to eventually live.
He was well aware he could simply not mention it, sit back and watch his viewers spiral into insanity over it just as they behaved with any other personal aspect of his life they got ahold of.
But there was substantial fun to be had in surrendering to his machiavellian ways, Albert of all people would know very well. After all, trolling and dicking around is what he's built the very foundation of his career off of.
So when time came for a new video, he began with the announcement. With the only background information in the general public's possession was a tweet made a few days prior complaining over the pain of his tattoo, with conveniently no reveal nor further detail.
"Uh, yeah, so—" Albert pointed his arm to the camera, the external audio turning into a whirlwind of a mess in the process, "—I got this thing, I guess."
He giggled quietly to himself. The meaning was for only him and Jake to know in that moment. Quick to compose himself, he continued.
"So- And before someone asks like, why it's that... Look! It's a little sunshine ." Grinning, he pointed to it once again. Maybe if he didn't want too many questions he should really quit acting like a giddy, blushing bullet-wound of a man, he begins to think. Though, it's hard to keep up a composed facade when all that's on his mind is Jake having to sit through this video, slyly giggling at Albert's every choice of words.
Nevertheless, he does what he does best. What's gotten him so far online in the first place--Roll it off himself as a joke.
"Um- yeah, so anyway I don't have to explain to you why I alter my body." He points a playful accusatory finger at the camera. "I could attach cockroach legs to my body—like surgically, it's like a surgical process—and It wouldn't be any of your guys' business, okay?"
It certainly wasn't the weirdest way he's had to dodge rumors in the past so it was considered a win in his book at least.
"I could take steroids during an important fighting event and nobody would be allowed to question me. Ha ha. Losers." Easy enough, and that’s all it takes to finally move on, and thus, the cue for everyone else to follow suit.
When they're finally caught, it happens right under the noses. It wasn't meant to be a whole thing, especially not through a fan selfie of all things.
Jake doesn't get recognized often. With his average fame, average face, and less than average fame, he's most likely the last to be picked apart out of a crowd. It doesn't help that he lives in the middle of nowhere in Ohio of all places. Though, he's thankful that he can at least go to a packed store without interruptions.
Jake doesn't get recognized often– and today just so happened to be one in a million.
In the fan's defense, there's no way they would've known. It was Jake who without second thought threw up a peace sign for their photo. Unaware of the exposure that would shed on him. After he got home, he took a nap and woke up to a million Twitter notifications.
With something as visible and permanent as a tattoo, it's safe to say they're not trying too hard to hide this thing going on at all anyway. Anyone that's clever and wants to know, knows just from how Jake's voice goes soft when talking to Albert in a video, or how Albert’s guaranteed to be the top comment in all of his posts.
If it's ever brought up, they won't lie so much as beat around the bush for the sake of privacy and peace. It's If You Know You Know.
That doesn’t stop the photo from being reposted to the point of feeble quality that makes one wonder if it was taken on a Nintendo DS or a cell phone.
Even if it could be argued that it's a Best Friend thing. They both know that it's just plain and simply, well not. It doesn't take a mastermind to see what's happening. Jake's forearm, inked with a moon and a small heart. Not to mention as well as it being in a mirrored spot to Albert's.
When Albert's call awakes him from his blissfully ignorant slumber, the first thing he hears is "Heard the rumors. You and that Albert guy? Gay as fuck."
So like everything else, they leave it to purely exist in the wild-west that is internet speculation. Saying that it is or isn't anything would only draw more attention to themselves. Without confirmation, people would without a doubt bend over backwards with excuses without them having to lift a finger.
Besides, it was admittedly hilarious to laugh along with Albert at the endless timeline of bewildered tweets.
Eventually, it does all die down. All things considered, they don't have the amount of reach in their community that would prolong any consistent pestering to the point of reaching outside of it.
Sure, there are people who bring it up once in a while. Only briefly pondering as to why there was never any mention of it. Then it's buried in the grave once again, and what's happened during the summer stays in the summer with nothing but the urban heat that’s soaked into their skin to take home with them.
Still, it's blaringly obvious. Even if the tattoos are hidden, their open affection toward each other online turns into anything but that. Jake can hide the moon etched into his forearm but never the laughter that's perfumed with obsession whenever he's recording with Albert--who wouldn’t dare to hold back his chin in the palm of his hand as Jake explains something he's definitely paying attention to. Hanging onto every word as if he wished to drench himself in bright syllables and low chuckles.
When they eventually reunite weeks later, it’s autumn and Jake’s jacket is around Albert’s shoulders. And while was just a little disruptive for Albert to keep taking time off to be with Jake, they can’t stray from each other for too long. It happens all the same anyway.
Albert has lived far enough time here to more or less scope out bad chains and good local shops. He’s the one who insists on being caffeinated at all hours of the day after all, perhaps a force of habit judging from his work ethic and upload schedule.
" Jake ." Albert looks up at him as they await in line "Did you even look at the menu?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm getting a plain coffee." Jake shoos away Albert's persistence in getting him to drink anything other than so-called old-man beverages. It never works, Jake’s stubbornness comes out on top every time.
"Dude, they have everything here. They named a latte after a mojito, and you're choosing to be boring?" Albert insists yet still to no avail.
"I'm not choosing boring I'm choosing coffee."
Albert scoffs, now displeased, "You’re so funny, you should have a youtube channel.” Jake doesn’t admit it out loud but that does indeed gets a chuckle out of him.
"Shut up. Hey, you're next, look." Jake points out to the awaiting cashier.
Albert goes ahead and orders for them, not failing to mention Jake's plain coffee with a mock in his tone. Still, Jake rolls his eyes playfully and pays without giving Albert a choice.
While this ordeal is happening, there’s a specific prickly feeling he gets. Albert's not clueless, even if he loves acting like it for Twitter likes. Especially being a public figure, he knows when someone’s eyes are on him, watching.
There's a split second in which he almost becomes a bit concerned at the feeling until the cashier perks up while their receipt is printed. "I really like your tattoos by the way! Sorry for staring, I just didn't know what they were at first." She looks about their age. If not, a bit older and is laughing solely to ease the tension.
This takes Albert aback just a little. Sure, it had only been mere weeks since the two got them done and even less time since they fully healed, and this was the first time he and Jake were together to see both of them, but he really didn’t expect anyone outside the internet to actually care about some strangers’ tattoos.
He stammers as if he plans to mutter a quick 'thank you' until Jake unexpectedly takes his hand in his, showing the cashier a better view of the tattoos.
"Oh, thanks! They're pretty cool aren't they?" Jake says it easily with pride. He glances over to Albert who looks like if he blushes any harder his face might explode. “We got them done at the parlor a couple blocks down.”
Jake knows he didn't have to do that. He could've simply thanked the cashier out of politeness and moved on with his day, but he didn’t. He’s wasted years running away from this aching feeling, carrying the weight of inexplicable want all over. Now, on the other side, everything was light and sunshine breeze. Jake was given the chance to call Albert his—or to at least indirectly say it —so he took it, and he'd do it over and over again even if the cashier was condescending and scornful, just to see Albert's smile.
They return to the car long after their drinks are ready. Jake feels the car door barely shuts before Albert steadies a hand on his shoulder to kiss Jake briefly, who smiles until his hands are on Albert's arms attempting to connect himself to him in all ways possible.
Jake gives in to Albert because when does he ever not. He lets Albert pull him in closer to kiss him deeper, leaving him breathless when they reluctantly pull away. Jake even more so as he realizes he's been leaning into Albert’s side of the car all this time.
" Idiot . What was that for?" But playing dumb is no use. Jake knows because he knows everything about Albert. Just like he knew the pinkish hue on Albert's face, the twitch in his contagious smile back at the coffee shop, and his grabby hands right now in the car.
"I love you." Albert stares at Jake's lips once more until he catches himself and instead opts to gaze into his eyes with a twinkle of infatuation in his own.
Cute .
"I love you too. I love you." It felt absolutely maddening how he could say it to Albert a million times and it still would not be nearly enough. He couldn't imagine ever getting sick of the sentence. Fucking impossible. "I love you so much—and I think I forgot to ask for sugar packets . "
Albert laughs even when he's breathless and lovestruck, "Dumbass." Jake would argue it sounds all the more sweeter like that.
It’s close to nightfall when silence lands atop their shoulders like honeybees to nectar, with nothing but the faint whir of the heater that’s absently threading present time into memories occupying the space. Dust scattering across the inches of surface the shine from the moon has chosen to grace.
Of course, Albert can never stay still for too long. He rolls over and absently fidgets with Jake's hand, interlocking it with his own just to take the physical connection apart and do it all over again.
When he's holding Jake's hand tight like this, aflush from arm to arm, it's all too easy to see how well their tattoos go together. Jake peers down at the sight while Albert gently swings their hand around.
“Remember how insane people went over this?” Albert reminisces with a chuckle. This brings Jake’s full attention over.
Though Jake shrugs at that, nonchalant, “People still bring it up but I mean, it can’t be more obvious than this, right?” He grins, squeezing his hand with more love.
Looming thoughts are shaken off the slope of his mind with ease. It’s easier to say it now than it was years ago, stuck between a dark place and intricate constraints. But there’s Albert now, the sun to his moon, craters of granite to his incandescent flame. He shines brighter with him.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Albert’s smiling when he pulls him in close. He keeps smiling even when he kisses him sweetly yet breathless. Hearts rock-solid thumping against chests because it’ll never be just casual to experience this. Twelve years of desire ingrained into both the skies and grass beneath them, it follows them everywhere they go. In each and everything.
Instead, he brings a finger to stroke over the marking of Albert’s tattoo, "Is that a skateboard scar?" His finger gently swipes in its general direction.
"Yeah.” Albert looks at it now and chuckles at the memory, “That’s gotta be like, what? Over fifteen years old? You gonna kiss it better?" Albert mocks but not unkindly.
"Rude." But Jake does so anyway. A small gesture that makes Albert's heart skip in its beat. "I think if I knew you back then, I would've been a bad influence. You'd have a lot more of these."
Albert glances back up at him, "Oh, I’m so sure. The kid who was bullied every second of the day would've led me down a dark path of danger."
"Shut up." Jake swats him on his upper arm lightly. He looks over to Albert, still utterly wonderstruck.
"Do you really mean that though? Like, do you wish you knew me earlier?" Albert asks. The question’s tender in its delivery, almost hopeful.
"Yeah,” Jake doesn’t protest that, “But— I know you now don’t I? I've known you for like, twelve? Twelve years, and I'll know you for a whole lot more. I think that's enough, isn't it?" He combs through the nape of Albert's neck, where his hair has grown longer these days. Only because he knows Jake likes his hair long, (and Albert’s not one to pass up doing one less haircut in his busy schedule.)
It’s something about the certainty in Jake’s tone, the amount of aureate faith he pours into, “I'll know you for a whole lot more.” through and through; honest and true.
He trusts that Jake will be there for him, whispering good morning all hazy in his ear, talking like they’ve known each other for decades over coffee, leaving the Christmas lights up in their future shared home until January because they make the rules.
Because after years of people leaving, Jake was the first to teach him people could stay; and he’d promise to be the last to love Albert just like this.