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1. Rosaria
Tonight a large gathering was being held at the castle to celebrate the new heir to the Archduchy of Rosaria, Clive’s baby brother, Joshua. Nobles from across the kingdom had come from far and wide to give their congratulations to his mother and father, the Archduke and Archduchess. Clive meanwhile faded into the shadows as he always did when large feasts were held, to avoid his mother's wrath. Of late she was easily angered by him over the simplest things. It was only because the Archduchess was so busy ensuring that everything was perfect for the banquet that Clive’s nanny had been able to sneak him in to see his brother Joshua for the first time.
Clive looked down at the baby in the crib. He was so small. None, save his father, the physician, and select servants had been allowed to see Joshua in the week since his birth because there seemed to be some concern for his health. However, rumours had spread that flames had appeared above his head shortly after he was born, which all seemed to see as a good sign. Clive admired Joshua’s blond curls and green eyes which mirrored their mother, Anabella’s. He wished and not for the first time that he had been born with similar features. Maybe then his mother wouldn’t hate him so much.
From Clive’s reflection in the washbasin next to the crib he noted his own dark hair and blue eyes which matched his father’s appearance. He never understood why his mother hated his looks so much since she seemed to care for his father, Elwin. She couldn’t even stand to look at Clive and if she did it was always with disdain. There must be something wrong with him. Of course the servants always assured him he was a very handsome boy and only looked at him with pity when he asked.
Her hatred could also be because of an incident he had no memory of. He recalled asking his nanny once when his mother had stopped playing with him. She told him it was after a ceremony held when he was a toddler at Phoenix Gate, but refused to elaborate, instead wrapping him in a tight hug. However, from the whispers of other servants over the years he had pieced together that he had embarrassed her somehow in front of the other nobles during an “awakening” ceremony, whatever that meant. Since then, he only ever saw her at formal ceremonies or in the presence of his father. His nanny was more of a mother to him than Anabella was.
Before the feast to celebrate Joshua, the servants who had seen the baby had told him with pride that since his birth the Archduchess had not left his side and doted on him day and night. Clive wondered what that would have felt like, having a mother who cared about you.
A gurgle from the crib drew his attention back to his baby brother. Joshua’s green eyes held his own as he grabbed Clive’s thumb with his tiny fingers. Clive smiled and felt a weight lift from his chest. He resolved to never let Joshua feel the way he did around his mother who was cruel and unforgiving. He would protect him from all harm. “I will be your shield one day,” Clive vowed.
2. The Training Yard
Clive hit the ground yet again, with a grunt. Lord Murdoch had bested him yet again in training causing him to fall in the dirt. Joshua had just blessed him days ago with the Phoenix’s powers, but he had yet to master them. Clive could hear snickers from the other Shields who he knew must think that he had only gotten a training spot with them due to favouritism, not skill. It didn’t help that he kept winding up on the ground so often.
Great, Clive thought in frustration. It was already bad enough that he was teased in the yard incessantly due to his outfit. Now the Shields would have just one more reason to whisper behind his back. It’s not like anyone feared retribution from the Archduchess, seeing how she treated him in public.
The problem was that his father insisted he wore his royal attire in the training yard which made him stand out like a chocobo at a wedding banquet. Clive knew his father only wanted to make him feel like he belonged in the family contrary to his mother’s disdain, and was proud when he saw him in the white and black leather outfit he had commissioned for him. As much as Clive hated the way that his outfit made him stand out, he never complained because he didn’t want to disappoint his father who had always treated him with kindness.
He looked down at his white leather doublet caked with mud, and sighed. It was now more brown than white. His father would not be impressed.
From behind him he heard dual shouts of, “You can do it Clive!” Without turning around he knew it was Joshua and Jill cheering him on. His ears burned red with shame that they had seen him in such a state.
Clive resolved to get back up and continue the fight. He never wanted to disappoint Joshua and Jill, two of the only people who seemed to want to be around him. How else would he keep the promise he made to Joshua all those years ago?
3. Lostwing
Clive looked up through his messy bangs at Cid, and admired the ease with which the man conversed with anyone in Lostwing. He touched the mark on his face, knowing that its appearance made him an outcast, unwanted, and unapproachable to all who saw it. This of course was the fate of any bearer in Sanbreque. Most citizens seemed to have a hard time looking him in the face, instead staring in the direction of his chest if they looked at him at all. They must hate the imperial brand on his face, he concluded, hence he avoided eye contact when he could so that he wouldn’t have to see their hatred.
Even after helping to free the citizens of Lostwing from Benedikta’s allies, his imperial armour also made the citizens wary of him, so he stayed behind Cid like a shadow. He felt like he had spent most of his life in the shadows. First escaping his mother’s wrath, then behind Joshua as his shield, and finally under the leadership of Tiamat in the imperial army. Clive knew that if he kept his head down and let Cid do most of the talking, that they would get further in their investigation than if he intervened.
While Cid continued his questioning, Clive let his mind wander into thoughts of Cid himself. How did one describe this walking contradiction of a man? A known outlaw whose main concern was saving others. A dominant who assisted in growing apples, engineered marvels, rescued children, and even helped bearers like himself who were looked down on by all others. Cid had gone out of his way to make him feel welcome at the Hideaway by making sure that he and Jill were taken care of, even going so far as to have Gav search for any traces of the second dominant of fire, despite having other priorities. In the short time he had known him, Clive had developed a deep admiration for the other man.
Clive blushed, recalling other “admiring” thoughts he had had of Cid in private that had nothing to do with his saviour complex. It didn’t help that Cid’s chest was always exposed in those skin tight shirts he wore with dangling strings begging one to pull them open. Or that he had such a beautiful face and mischievous green eyes that could be easy to get lost in. It made it hard for Clive to concentrate when he was speaking to him. And Cid’s deep, gravelly voice followed him into his dreams, which were certainly less than appropriate.
Clive watched Cid and traced a bead of sweat that ran down his collar into his shirt with his eyes. He wished that he could follow its path beneath the cloth through touch as well. Clive finally looked up once more only to find Cid staring back at him. The tips of his ears and cheeks burned knowing his wandering eyes had been caught.
“Something bothering you Clive? You seem distracted,” Cid said with a smirk and a wink.
“No, it’s nothing,” Clive stammered. He closed his eyes momentarily to get himself back in control. Clive knew that Cid flirted with everyone. It was just his way. No need to take it seriously.
He touched the brand on his face again and reminded himself that no one was ever interested in bearers. He’d had the word “bearer” spit at him enough times to know from experience.
“Did you learn anything new?” Clive inquired with a false smile and bravado. He knew that Cid noticed his changed demeanour but prayed to the Founder that he wouldn’t ask about it because he was a terrible liar. It was best to just move on with his quest and remember any dreams that he had had about Cid were just that, dreams.
4. The Hideaway Dungeons
Clive awoke suddenly feeling as though he had been run over by Titan. He couldn’t remember where he was but noted with alarm that he was nude and in chains in a prison of sorts. His mind felt hazy for just a moment when suddenly he remembered what had happened in his fight with Garuda. Clive could still feel remnants of the beast in the back of his mind, the monster that had killed a second dominant, first Phoenix, then Garuda. Who was he kidding, he was the second dominant of fire.
Clive had never hated himself more. He had spent all of his time with the imperial army wishing for nothing but revenge for Joshua’s death at the claws of that fiery beast. It was all that had kept him going.
Now he realised that the monster that had haunted his nightmares for 13 years was himself. He could still see the fire demon clawing out Joshua’s throat and engulfing them both in its hellish flames. He had killed his brother, destroyed his countrymen and the Phoenix Gate itself. How could he do it? He was supposed to be Joshua’s shield and instead became the blade that ended him.
Clive began to sob while tears ran down his face in a steady stream. He pulled at the chains holding him and tried to stand to no avail as the chains had little give. While he was in the midst of contemplating death or escape, really what did it matter at this point, he heard the cell door swing open.
He looked up through his tears and saw Cid walk into the cell. In a moment of clarity he remembered Ramuh’s strength. If anyone could harm the monster inside of him it was Cid. “I’m the second dominant of fire. I killed my brother, Joshua. Please, kill me before I hurt anyone else!” Clive begged through his tears.
Cid looked at him with sadness? Regret? Pity? All of the above? Then fast as lightning he punched him in the face. It was enough to stop Clive’s tears momentarily, but now the sadness was replaced with anger. Didn’t Cid understand how dangerous he was? Why lock him in a dungeon nude if he wasn’t a threat?
Cid threw his armour at his feet and unlocked his cuffs. “Get dressed. Pretty as you are, you’re not my type. And as long as you’re still breathing you might as well make yourself useful.”
Cid walked out of the cell and left the prison door open.
Clive hung his head and sobbed once more, for his brother, for the monster he had become, and for the confirmation that his one secret dream would never come true. Of course a monster as disgusting and evil as he was wouldn’t be Cid’s type. He hated himself for even thinking of anything other than the destruction he had already caused. When his tears had finally stopped, Clive picked himself up and put on his armour.
Cid was right, death shouldn’t come easy to him. He didn’t deserve it. He needed to repent and find a way to make himself useful. For now at least until a way could be found to destroy the beast inside him once and for all.
5. Eastpool
Clive had thought that the lowest he could feel was learning that he had killed his brother. This was until he faced Lady Hannah, who looked at him like he hung the sun and moon. How could he go into her home, drink her tea, talk pleasantries with her knowing he was responsible for her husband, Lord Murdoch’s, death? The man who trained him and encouraged him to try again whenever he failed to succeed in a fight.
Clive couldn’t bear to look at Lady Hannah for fear that he would see his own miserable reflection in her eyes.
When she offered him a place to stay for the night Clive gave some unintelligible excuse and instead went into her stables to sleep. He had no control over the creature either, so feared what could happen with too many people around. Clive regretted that Jill felt the need to go with him. From the pity in her eyes, he knew she was worried about leaving him alone, knowing what guilt was eating at him. It was only through their late night discussion that he learned that he was not alone in his self loathing, Jill confessed to having to do horrible things as Shiva for the Iron Kingdom, most recently in the fight against Titan. Hundreds had died to her ice crystals. Clive found that it helped to have someone understand what he had gone through and he hoped he was able to offer Jill some comfort as well before the night was over.
In the morning, Lady Hannah offered him one last wonderful and terrible surprise. She still had his father’s outfit, one she had hung onto in the dim hope that his sons had survived the Phoenix Gate. He wanted to shout that he was responsible, but the hope shining in her eyes and his own cowardice stopped him from doing so. Instead he took the garments and put them on in a separate room.
He looked at himself in the window’s reflection and thought for a moment he was seeing a ghost. He really did look like his father. It stung worse than anything he could recall, knowing that it was his father or brother who should have worn these garments if they had survived.
Taking a deep breath, he headed outside.
Lady Hannah and Jill exclaimed that the new clothes looked wonderful on him. Clive however had never felt more like a fraud.
+1. The Hideaway
As he walked through the Hideaway to Cid’s solar Clive felt very self conscious. This was because he could feel the eyes of every person he walked past on him and cursed himself for putting on the colourful, stylish outfit. He would change immediately, it’s just…it felt so comfortable, it was easy to move in while in a fight, and it was the only thing of his father’s that he had left. Thus, while he didn’t feel like he deserved it, it was hard to consider taking it off now that he had worn it on the journey back to the hideaway. Moreover, Clive’s recent fight with Ifrit and his shadow self had allowed him to finally accept himself for the first time which lent some extra swagger to his walk when he entered. Maybe that’s what all of the stares were about?
Clive and Jill soon after made it to Cid’s solar and opened the door. He saw Cid and Gav talking and announced “we’re back,” while they walked into the room.
Three things happened in short succession.
First when Cid had glanced up upon his and Jill’s abrupt entrance he proceeded to choke on his cigar. This then led to him setting his desk and the map he had been examining on fire when it fell out of his mouth. Clive and Jill rushed over to help put out any small flames that had begun, meanwhile Gav patted Cid on the back and offered him his cup of wine until his coughing stopped. Clive thought that Cid’s reaction was really strange because in all of the time that he had known him, Cid had never had any issues smoking his cigar. Additionally, he thought he saw Gav and Jill trying to hide a smile or laugh, but must have been mistaken. Surely setting a desk on fire wasn’t funny?
Second, once Cid had recovered from his coughing attack, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of him. He watched Cid’s eyes trace from his new boots slowly up his body to his leather pants and doublet pausing for some time on the lacing on the sides, until finally reaching his face. The hungry look Cid gave him made Clive’s heart race and he felt the beginnings of a hope that he had shut down in his heart weeks ago.
Cid had always been prone to making flirtatious comments to Clive, touching him in some way when he was near, and even eyeing him up on occasion, but he did that with everyone, didn’t he? Not that Clive really knew how Cid behaved with others, preferring to avoid seeing such things to protect himself from heartbreak, and instead just assuming that he treated everyone the same. However the look Cid was giving him was like he was starving and Clive was the main course. Now that he thought about it, it was a similar look he had encountered from some of the Rosarian shields watching him train, from the soldiers in the imperial army and even the citizens he encountered on his quests. But none of those looks had ever fully registered to him, maybe because he’d never been interested back until now.
The third thing he noticed was the click of the door to Cid’s solar as Gav and Jill made their escape. Clive’s cheeks were flushed as he realized that he and Cid had been staring at each other for some time across his desk.
Eventually, Cid ended their staring contest, cleared his throat and said, “the trip went well I take it?”
Clive was grateful for the question, ending their stalemate and responded, “Yes it did. I learned I am the second dominant of fire. Ifrit. I’ve also picked up some of my Eikon’s skills.” He then created a small flame in his hand and lifted Cid’s cigar, setting the end on fire.
Cid watched him all the while entranced. “You are a wonder Clive Rosfield,” he stated finally in admiration, watching his face and not the fire in his hand. Clive gulped at the compliment and blushed further. Cid grinned knowingly at his sudden bashfulness, as though he suddenly understood Clive’s awkward behaviour around him.
He stood up then and crossed to the other side of the desk, taking the cigar from Clive’s hand and putting the flame back out on the ashtray. At Clive’s questioning yet heated look, Cid responded by pulling the front of Clive’s doublet and kissed him hard on the mouth. Cid traced his lips with his tongue and when Clive opened his mouth, Cid kissed him with so much passion that he thought he might burst into flames. Literally.
When they finally pulled back for air, Clive said breathlessly, “I thought I wasn’t your type.”
Cid immediately answered, “I lied. I knew that you were in pain at the time and worried that you might hurt yourself. I didn’t want you to think about anything other than just getting back up and living. For the record you are absolutely my type and everyone in the Hideaway has known that from the moment you walked into the front entrance. I haven’t been able to stop myself from looking at you, touching you, and flirting with you on the off chance you might be interested back. Otto, Blackthorn and Gav have teased me mercilessly for falling all over myself around you and have been on me to say something to you, but I thought you wanted to be with Jill. Happily it seems I was wrong.”
“So you don’t care about my brand, that I’m a man, or that I’m not fully in control of my Eikon?” Clive whispered.
Cid brushed his bangs out of his eyes, smiled and said, “Clive you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen, brand or no. I’d have to be blind not to notice you. Also, I absolutely did not peek at you while you were nude in those chains.”
Clive laughed through the tears starting to form in his eyes, “liar.”
Cid pulled Clive around the desk to sit in his lap in the chair and wiped away his tears. “And unless you have closed your ears to any tales of my exploits across Valisthea, you must know that I have been with both men and women. But in particular I really adore this one man with a penchant for trouble who I can’t seem to get out of my mind,” Cid noted with fondness while looking intently at Clive.
“Furthermore, don’t forget I’m a dominant too. I’ll help you train so that you can feel control when working with your Eikon. You have to think of yourselves as a team, instead of as two separate entities in the same body if you are to control your powers.”
Clive suddenly felt himself relax for once since his capture at Phoenix Gate all those years ago. He put his arms around Cid’s neck and kissed him softly on the mouth. When he finally pulled away he saw Cid smiling at him in a way he’d never seen before, like he couldn’t believe how lucky he was.
“I’m afraid I’m also quite picky with my type,” Clive replied feigning nonchalance as he watched Cid. “I seem to be attracted to older men, preferably ruffians, with a heart of gold. Also, they need to love dogs if they are going to stay in my life. I don’t suppose you know anyone around here like that?”
“I’ve always loved dogs, in fact I am currently sharing custody of a wolf with a very handsome man,” Cid teased. He paused for a second then asked, “Wait did you just describe me as a ruffian? What am I, a pirate? I’ll show you a ruffian,” Cid said cheekily as he picked Clive up and took him to his bed.
It was here that Cid proceeded to show Clive all of the things he admired about him, starting with the new outfit which was peeled off layer by layer. He then lavished attention on each of his favourite parts of Clive’s, including his eyes, throat, and pecs, kissing each with such devotion that Clive felt like he was drowning in desire. Seeing the adoration in Cid’s eyes as he looked at him in wonderment made his whole body and heart tremble with joy.
Later when Cid was asleep and Clive had time to think, he realized that never in his life had he felt so wanted, cherished and admired. Ifrit agreed and whispered in the back of his mind that they should keep this human around for as long as possible. He curled up against Cid, putting his head on his chest, and listened to the strong heartbeat beneath him. As his eyes began to drift closed, Clive felt something stirring in his heart that had been missing for such a long time…happiness.
The End