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When Aziraphale first suggested adopting a child, Crowley hesitated. He thought that the two of them were just fine together, on their own. They just got Aziraphale back from Heaven, and she wanted some time with him alone. Well, no, she wanted all the time, now that they had it.
Children were a huge responsibility, and besides, a major part of them were pretty annoying. Crowley got that much while her and Aziraphale were trying to raise Warlock. They couldn’t say they didn’t like the kid, but raising him was very, very hard. Crowley met, babysat lots of other children during her long life on Earth, and all of them made Crowley understand that he doesn’t want to have one.
None of them were even slightly similar to Muriel.
Muriel was a literal ray of sunshine. Curious, joyful, trusting and kind. Always wanting to learn something new. Gentle with animals and bugs and plants and everything that they saw. Believing in humanity. Something in them reminded Crowley of Aziraphale a lot.
Crowley didn’t expect Muriel to become a part of their little family so smoothly, so quickly, but the moment Muriel stepped into his and Aziraphale flat, it was like they had always been there. Crowley and Aziraphale would hold Muriel’s hands whenever the three of them went out. Crowley would pick Muriel up whenever he got the chance to do so. Aziraphale would bake something with Muriel whenever she had a new recipe. And they all were just so happy .
The bad days were impossible to escape, no matter how hard they would try. Sometimes, the mood wasn’t right and the day would just go wrong from the beginning. Sometimes, Aziraphale would remember Heaven and he would be way too anxious and restless. Sometimes, Crowley would remember his time without Aziraphale, or Hell, and they would be awfully sad and unable to admit it. It was never Muriel who was having a bad day. Sure, there were days that were harder than others, but days were never bad.
As much as Crowley would love it to stay that way, it couldn’t.
Aziraphale’s body was warm against her own. They spent eternity pretending they didn’t want to cuddle each other, so every time they went to bed, they made sure to catch up on all that time. Crowley caught himself thinking that spooning was an incredibly comfortable position, no matter if you’re the one spooning someone or being spooned. They were already asleep, when both Aziraphale and Crowley’s sleep was interrupted.
There was a timid, quiet knock on a door. Somebody , this kid was way too polite.
Crowley fought the urge to pull Aziraphale back to bed when she got out of it to get to the door. Maybe the kid just wanted a glass of water, or maybe they needed help solving another of the world’s mysteries.
“Oh dear, Muriel, what’s wrong?”
That made Crowley look up. Aziraphale was kneeling in front of Muriel that was visibly upset, tears were rolling down their cheeks and they were quietly sniffling.
Crowley had a strange feeling in their chest whenever his family was upset and she hated it. She hated seeing her family being hurt or upset. They didn’t know what happened, but they were ready to rip apart whoever made his child cry.
So Crowley got out of the bed too. They reached the doorway. The moment Muriel saw him, they ran straight to him, hugging him as tight as the child possibly could. That took Crowley by surprise. Usually, when Muriel needed comfort, or needed a hug, they would come to Aziraphale. That was obvious, given that Aziraphale was very good at comforting people, especially her own child. Right now, however, it seemed like Muriel needed Crowley a little more than they needed Aziraphale.
Crowley and Aziraphale exchanged surprised glances. Muriel was still hugging Crowley.
“I think they had a nightmare.” Aziraphale whispered.
Crowley tried giving Aziraphale the look that meant “I got this, go back to bed”.
She picked Muriel up, the way he always did, and started walking to Muriel’s room.
“Alright, show me those boorish monsters that scared you.”
Children were scared of monsters. Crowley never learned why. Just the idea of having a monster in their bedroom had children panicking. Again, Muriel wasn’t similar to other children, so the idea of monsters never seemed to scare them. Maybe it was the nightmare that spooked Muriel so much that they believed in monsters.
There’s no way you’ll find creatures more dangerous than your parents.
Everything, the space under the bed, the closet, was checked by Crowley herself before Muriel got into their bed. Crowley was on his way out, when they heard a quiet voice.
“Can you please stay?”
And as much as he wanted to return to Aziraphale, as much as Aziraphale needed them, he decided that Muriel needed them just a little more.
“’Course.” She pulled a chair and sat beside Muriel’s bed.
They sat there for some time in silence. Muriel seemed to be more relaxed, but still not asleep. After a little while, Muriel whispered in a quiet, shy voice.
“Can you tell me a story?”
When Warlock asked Crowley to tell him a bedtime story, Crowley would make something dumb on the spot, or tell him some human story. But sitting here and getting that request from Muriel made Crowley a little worried.
Muriel deserved the best stories ever created by humans.
That Crowley didn’t know.
“I’ll get Dad Azi for that–” Crowley was already standing up from the chair to go and get Aziraphale.
“No,” Muriel insisted. “I want you to tell me a story.”
How could she possibly say no to that?
Crowley sat back into the chair. They suddenly had an idea that put a smile on their face.
“Alright,” He said. “Then listen.”
And bless them, Muriel looked at Crowley with their big curious eyes like she was the most fascinating thing in the room.
“Long ago,” Very, very long ago. “There were two angels.”
Excuse me. Oi!
Yes, was that you?
Oh, hi, yeah. Err, look, if you don’t mind, could you hold this, while I crank it all up?
“One angel was pure and soft and kind.” And all sorts of other things, but we don’t have all night.
Um. Hello. I’m Aziraphale.
Nice meeting you.
“The other was one…well, way too curious.”
How much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?
“Some lads didn’t really like her curiosity, so they made this angel a demon.”
Muriel gasped. “Is this what is going to happen to me if I become too curious?”
“Oh, no, ‘s alright,” You’re the furthest thing from a demon. “Now listen.”
Ah! It’s you. Dear me. Haven’t seen you since…flood?
Uh, yeah.
Well, sorry about this.
“It didn’t stop the remaining angel from talking to the demon. Even…helping them.”
Aziraphale, who are they?
They are…his new children. I- You have my word as an angel.
“The angel wasn’t that good, and the demon wasn’t that bad. And after some time, they even started trusting each other with their lives.”
You’re going to need a 100% reliable marksman. Someone you can really trust. Otherwise, it’s lethal.
Oh, I’ve got the perfect man for the job.
“But, they were silly. Didn’t want to admit that they liked each other,” Loved. Loved so much it would physically hurt, but yet they both stayed silent. “But they started working together on something really important and really big.”
But the Antichrist has been born. But it’s the upbringing that’s important, the influences. The evil influences, that’s all going to be me. It’s be too bad if someone made sure that I failed.
If you put it that way…Heaven couldn’t actually object if I was thwarting you.
No. Be a real feather in your wing. We’d be godfathers, sort of, overseeing his upbringing. We do it right, he won’t be evil. Or good. He’ll just be normal.
It might work. Godfathers. Well, I’ll be damned.
“And they messed it up.”
No dog.
No dog.
Wrong boy.
Wrong boy.
“But they didn’t fail, and despite the…difficulties,” Years went by, and the memories still sent chills down Crowley’s spine.
Aziraphale! Aziraphale, where the Heaven are you, you idiot? I can’t find you! Aziraphale, for God’s– For Satan’s– Ah! For somebody’s sake, where are you?! You’ve gone. Somebody killed my best friend! Bastards! All of you!
Well…lovely knowing you all. May we meet on a better occasion.
Shut your stupid mouth and die already.
“In the end, they made this thing work.”
I like to think that none of this would have worked out if you weren’t, at heart, just a little bit of a good person.
And if you weren’t, deep down, just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing.
Cheers. To the world.
To the world.
“But they were still, well, very silly, because none of them made a step to talk about…them. Their feelings. Even after all of that. But it wasn’t the end of their big adventures, as much as they would’ve liked it to be.”
Hello, it’s me. Don’t say anything. Are you there?
Should I say something now?
No. Meet me over the road from the bookshop. I’ll be in Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death. Over the road.
Two minutes.
“The new important and big thing started. The risks were higher, and the demon just wanted to give peace a chance, but the angel was way too good of a person.”
I just-
Angel, this is the supreme archangel of all Heaven, your former boss, who tried very hard to cast you into hellfire and destroy you. He is not our friend.
I don’t think he has any friends.
Exactly.
Yes, exactly.
What does your exactly mean exactly? I feel like your exactly and my exactly are different exactlys.
“And even though the demon didn’t agree, they were going to help because he silently loved the angel more than anything in the world.”
You were right, you were right. I was wrong, you were right.
“So they worked together on the thing. They made some huge mistakes along the way,”
Our Gabriel miracle last night set off alarms in Heaven. They suspect something! And so, I told them I’d made Nina and Maggie fall in love.
“But they turned out to actually be something good, even if it came with a chaos first. And just when everything seemed to be resolved, seemed to be good…some really bad guy pressured the angel to return to Heaven.”
Tell me you said no! Tell me you said no.
If I’m in charge…I can make a difference.
“The demon wasn’t having it - she just wanted to be with the angel, and she finally had enough strength to talk about their feelings.”
We’ve known each other a long time. We’ve been on this planet for a long time. I mean, you and me. I could always rely on you. You could always rely on me. We’re a team, a group. Group of the two of us. And we’ve spent our existence pretending that we aren’t. I mean, the last few years, not really. And I would like to spend– I mean, if Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can. Just the two of us. We don’t need Heaven, we don’t need Hell, they’re toxic. We need to get away from them, just be an us. You and me, what do you say?
“But the angel was convinced they could change the toxic environment, the toxic–” It wasn’t a family, it was a bunch of assholes pretending to be good. “Toxic people there. And even when she wanted to say no…”
I…but, um, my bookshop. But…No. Nothing I can think of. I think I…Nothing at all.
“They couldn’t. The angel went back to Heaven, leaving the demon on Earth, heartbroken and not knowing what to do.”
“It can’t end like that.” Muriel whispered, shaking their head. “They’re in love!”
Crowley smiled. It was genuine and gentle.
“It will all be alright at the end,” they promised. “And we are not yet at the end.”
Muriel nodded. They seemed more invested in this story than Crowley had ever saw them being invested in any story, and the satisfaction from being able to give them a good ending was unbearable.
“The angel came back, after some time. She finally understood that they needed to get away. The demon got all of their apologies, and they were together again. But it wasn’t like the old times, because it was better. The angel and the demon finally stopped loving each other just silently, and started showing it more,” Crowley didn’t fight the urge to smile again, warmly, happily. “And they showed all the bad guys that were bothering them that they’re unstoppable together.”
Crowley remembered it clearly as day. The day Aziraphale came to her, tears on their cheeks, them doing this stupid apology dance, them saying how sorry he was and how much she wanted to stay and how much she loved Crowley and how much she wanted to get away. From Heaven. From Hell. Just the two of them. He remembered cupping Aziraphale’s face in their hands, and kissing her. Hugging her. Almost crying with her. They remembered the determination, how ready he was to beat Metatron up, how ready she was to spit in the face of any bastard that dared showing up at their doors.
They also remembered how everything went quiet and Crowley understood that finally, they found their peace together. Forever. No more demons, no more angels. Just them, the plants, the Bentley, the books, some tea and breakfasts in Ritz. Just watching Nina and Maggie being in love and them watching Crowley and Aziraphale finally being free and happy. Just feeding the ducks in the park. Just…them.
“And then, after some time,” Crowley was coming to the conclusion. “They adopted the sweetest human ever.”
Muriel smiled tiredly, closing their eyes. They seemed to be finally falling asleep.
“Did you like the story?” Crowley whispered, not expecting an answer.
“It’s my favorite now.” Muriel answered, regardless.
Crowley couldn’t help it and he gave them another quick, warm smile. She kissed Muriel on the forehead.
“Sleep tight, fledgling.” They said at last.
When she turned to the doorway, Aziraphale was standing there, smiling widely.
Crowley sighed. “How much did you hear?”
“All of it, I suppose.” Aziraphale said. “That was a very good story, Crowley.”
Crowley stood up from the chair and came to Aziraphale. He gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Let’s go back to bed.”