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Amid my efforts to calm Cosette's sobs, her desperate pleas for me not to leave resonated persistently in my ears. I found myself spewing deceitful yet compassionate words, knowing that these lies would soon be exposed. Ultimately, my soul craved a freedom that had thus far been just superficial, and my physical being yearned to collapse exhausted onto that armchair, which, like me, seemed to succumb to the imminent weight of death.
With each soothingly whispered word, I wove a fabric of fantasies spun to envelop Cosette in their warmth. But deep within me, I knew just like her, that they would dissipate like smoke in the air.
The fragility of my existence became evident as time slipped away relentlessly. My body, worn down by the weight of years and past sins, longed to surrender to fatigue.
Thus, in that dark corner of the room, I battled between solace and betrayal, between Cosette's tears and the ephemeral words I spoke in her direction.
With gentleness, I slid my fingers along her soft cheek as I painted a smile that concealed the truth of my condition. My curved lips attempted to deceive her into happiness; my eyes sought to convey the promise of staying by her side, fervently desiring to remain. However, my gaze miserably failed to convey that reassurance. My eyes had already moistened with tears threatening to flow and bathe my face in the shame of my surrender.
I intensely regretted allowing my life to fade away, for not having fought, for having succumbed to death's dark call, and not continuing toward the sole light in my life, my Cosette. Once again, I felt like an envoy of shadows, dragging my dear Cosette into the depths of my despair, just as I had done throughout her entire life.
I feel Marius's gentle touch on my shoulder. I turn my head towards him and meet his eyes, seemingly neutral, but I can perceive the tear sliding down his cheek to his chin, finding its destination on my clothing. "Forgive me," he whispers with a choked voice. "I was foolish for letting you go," he adds, as I grasp his hand that rests softly beneath mine.
"I do not wish to hear your apologies for what you shouldn't apologize for," I respond calmly, trying to dispel any trace of guilt that might burden him.
"But I must. Your not only a father to Cosette but also a father and savior to me. It's thanks to you that I am living. And again I lay down my life at your feet," Marius insists, clutching my other hand, while silent tears stream down his face. Now, both of them, as my children, shedding tears over the impending departure that looms ahead.
"Now you are here…again beside me." I hesitate with my next words, unsure of what I will say next. "Now I can die in peace. Now my life is blessed," I dismantle my own lies and confront the harsh reality.
"You will live, papa. You're going to live. It's too soon, too soon to say goodbye," Cosette says fervently, barely believing in the hope her own words are trying to evoke.
"Yes, Cosette, forbid me now to die. I'll obey...I will try," I make an almost superhuman effort to sit up straighter in my chair, defying the adversity that lurks, trying to cling to life.
"On this page, I write my last confession." I search my pockets for a paper, a letter I intended to send that very day, well aware of my impending end. "Read it well when I, at last, am sleeping." I now focus entirely on Cosette and tightly grip her hands hidden within mine. "It's the story of those who always loved you, your mother gave her life for you, then leave you in my keeping."
"Monsieur, I bless your name." I hear Fantine's sweet voice calling to me, while her smile embraces me with the warmth of a radiant sun, happier than I ever could have witnessed in her lifetime. "I am ready, Fantine," I reply with an outstretched hand, as Cosette seems to sense that I've chosen to follow her mother, freeing myself from any sorrow. "M'sieur, lay down your burden. You raised my child in love." Cosette begins to shout, holding onto me tightly, while Marius's sobs resonate in the room. "She's the best of my life," I return the smile, extending my hand toward her, though I feel no warmth, no temperature at all. "And you will be with God." I detach from my carnal form, now it becoming an empty shell.
I rise, and there is no more pain. Fantine guides me tenderly, but I pause, looking back at Cosette, who cries inconsolably, though I cannot hear her weeping. "Come with me, where chains will never bind you. All your grief, at least...at least behind you. Lord in heaven, look down on him with mercy."
"Forgive me all my trespasses and take me to your glory." I observe Cosette and Marius embracing for comfort. I always yearned for Cosette's complete happiness, but I couldn't prevent this moment from arriving. Still, I hope that the sadness will soon dissipate from her life and that many more smiles will appear for both, my children. "Take my hand, I'll lead you to salvation." Fantine says, placing her other hand on my arm, indicating that it's time to depart from the realm of life, that it's time to let go completely of my dear Cosette. "She'll love you, for love is everlasting." Fantine assures me, to which I nod, for it is true, Cosette made me feel loved from the very moment she gifted me with her smile.
I turn around and finally follow Fantine to a door that initially only led to the outside of the room. However, upon crossing it, I find myself in a divine space. Fantine lets go of my hand and walks until she's standing in front of me. I feel another hand resting on my back. "And remember the truth that I've once spoken." whispers a familiar voice.
"Myriel," I think aloud, surprised, turning to see the bishop who saved me from perdition. I grasp his hand tightly, returning a smile that brings me to the brink of tears. "To love another person is to see the face of God." we declare in unison, and quickly we merge into an embrace.
In that moment, I feel light, as if a burden has been lifted from my soul, and I understand that my time in this world has come to an end. Fantine and Myriel lead me toward a blinding radiance, a light that embraces me with a warm welcome.