Chapter Text
The incessant clamour of the alarm has Toushiro turn to the side too fast and his body fails to catch up, resulting in a muscle pulling somewhere in protest. A body that wants to rest, will stay at rest. Toushiro groans, sits up and rubs his calf. What a way to wake up on your 30th birthday. The doctor was right, he needs to start looking into vitamin shots. This is atrocious.
He rubs the muscle, tight like metal bars, and massages it, hoping to ease the pain. He muffles his cries by biting his lip. When the muscle loosens, he sighs and yawns. He rubs his eyes and blinks at the time. Right at 5 AM. He could go back to sleep because Kondo forced him to take a day off on his birthday but his brain doesn’t understand the concept of rest at this hour. Toushiro rubs his eyes and sighs again.
He turns his head to look out the window. The curtains float and the breeze ruffles his hair. It’s hot, now that summer is slowly inching its way. Toushiro decides to start his day anyway. He could jog a bit, get some exercise, spar and then figure out what to do with the rest of his day. He is sure Kondo and Tetsu will corner him into cutting a cake and maybe drinking a bit.
He gets up and groans again. He didn’t massage his calf enough. He curses and limps towards his vanity, where he keeps his compression wrap. He puts it around the offended area and makes it tight. Guess, exercising is out of the question. But the day looks nice and he would love a walk at least.
He changes into his other black yukata, grabs his sword and heads out of the barracks. Since he is also running low on his favourite Mayoboros, he beelines for the vending machine. A man in distressed clothes and sunglasses is already there, cursing at the machine. Toushiro recognises him as the man Gintoki keeps company with and he grimaces. It’s the slob who doesn’t work—or rather can’t keep a job. What was his name again?
The man feels his presence and looks up with tears streaming down his face. Toushiro is slightly taken aback but quickly collects himself and asks, “Uh, is everything okay Hagezawa-san?”
Fresh tears flow as he says, “It’s Ha segawa Taizou, Hijikata-san.”
Toushiro widens his eyes and bows his head, “Sorry, I tend to forget names if I don’t see them in a while.” This is a lie but Toushiro will die before admitting that he really just forgot this man.
Hasegawa wipes his tears and nods, “It’s alright, it’s alright.”
Toushiro eyes the vending machine and ventures, “Is the machine not working?”
Hasegawa sniffs, “If it’s working to eat up my hard-earned money, then yes.”
Toushiro understands why the poster boy of unemployment is sad now. He gives the machine a kick with his good leg and it shakes hard enough to spit out the packet of cigarettes it was holding in. Hasegawa’s smile overtakes his melancholia and grabs Toushiro’s hands to shake them, “Thank you!”
“I guess the demonic vice commander isn’t very demonic always. Tch, Gintoki has some choice.”
Toushiro gapes; he is sure he heard Hasegawa saying the words but his mouth didn’t move. He blinks and stays silent, absolutely flabbergasted as Hasegawa skips off to enjoy his smoke. Toushiro shakes his head. No . He is still half-asleep. He is just hearing things, as always.
He gets his Mayoboro and heads back to the barracks. He will smoke this once and then lie down again. Maybe he needs to finish his sleep. He woke up too early on his off day, pulled a muscle in his calf and heard things that were never said. He definitely needs to go back to sleep.
He is marching back through the gates, not caring who he meets when he crashes into someone. The body reaches for his elbows at the same time Toushiro reaches for his shoulders. It is Tetsu and he is wide-eyed as he gasps, “Fukucho!”
“Oh shit, I hope he hasn’t learned about the surprise party we planned!”
Toushiro gapes; again, he heard it but Tetsu never said it! He did not see the mouth move! He jumps back, winces when he lands on his bad leg and groans, “I should order you to commit seppuku for being careless when walking!”
Tetsu bows, “I’m so sorry, fukucho! It won’t happen again!”
Toushiro shakes his head, “Get lost now.” He needs to sleep, he absolutely needs it.
But first, a smoke. He sits down at the edge of the engawa and lights the first cigarette of the day. In the last two years, he has managed to bring down his nicotine consumption to three sticks a day. Now, he does two. It has been a struggle but the hardships of finding Mayoboro in rural areas helped him curb his chainsmoking to an extent.
Suddenly, he recalls his reasons for disbanding Shinsengumi and heading for regions unknown and his heart lurches. God, he is such a massive moron. What was he thinking looking for that white-haired idiot? He chews on his cigarette as he ponders.
It is not like their bond hasn’t changed—but it also has not. They still squabble, they will jab at each other and make fun at each other’s expense but they also have quiet moments at the izakaya, entire conversations where no one insults the other and their weekly meetups all across Edo (mostly at their favourite haunts).
It does make his heart flip when Gintoki seeks him out. It could be something mundane or something serious. And yet, Toushiro still feels the distance between him and the other. He watches Gintoki interact with Hasegawa, the old bar lady, the gorilla woman, the blonde courtesan, Katsura or his kids and he realises it’s not the same with him. Toushiro feels like he merely lives on the fringe of Gintoki’s life. And he should be alright with it if wasn’t for his own pesky feelings.
He finally ignites the cigarette and fumes. If there was surgery to take away emotions you don’t need, Toushiro would pour his life savings into it, no questions asked. He hears footsteps and he looks up to find Kondo and Sougo walking up to him. Kondo greets, “Ah, the birthday boy is up early anyway!”
Toushiro feels warm as he grunts, “Stop calling me that.”
Sougo says, “Happy deathday Hijikata-san, you’re closer to your end than to your birth now.”
Toushiro rolls his eyes, “You shut up.”
“Thirty eh?” Kondo grins, “Look at how far we have come! Can’t believe it has been thirteen years since we know each other!” He pats Toushiro’s shoulder and the younger is sure they are tears brimming in the older man’s eyes.
“Oh god, we’re all still alive. Who would have thought? Well, not me, for sure. I thought this guy was going to die fighting but he hasn’t, so thank god for that. And I’m here too, however, unmarried. If only Otae-san accepted my proposal and allowed me to xx xxxxx xx xxx.”
Toushiro gives a subtle shake to get Kondo’s hand off him. His face is aflame at the imagery and he wants to die right then and there. Just because they are close comrades, they don’t need to be that close . He collects himself and gives a tight smile, “Yeah. Thank you, Kondo-san.”
“Thirty, eh?” Sougo says and a slimy grin fills his face. “Hey, Hijikata-san, did you know they say that if you’re a virgin and you turn thirty, you become a wizard.”
Toushiro parts his mouth and doesn’t know what he should react to—the virgin allegations or the wizard part. Kondo saves him by asking, “Heh? You become a wizard if you’re a virgin at thirty?”
Sougo nods, “Yeah, there was a drama about it too. The lead turns thirty and he can suddenly hear everyone’s thoughts. He touches them and he can hear it all.”
Toushiro’s surprise doesn’t end. He grumbles, “What nonsense.”
“Which part Hijikata? The virgin part or the wizard part?”
Toushiro hates him for nailing the problem but he would die a thousand times before he agrees to that. He gets to his feet and cries, “Shut up!” He turns around. “I’m going back to sleep!”
When the shoji slams shut, Kondo clicks his tongue, “Ah, Sougo, you shouldn’t have said such things. You know Toshi doesn’t care about all of that.”
Sougo shrugs, “It’s okay to be a sexless fiend Kondo-san. I just wanted him to be informed about what happens when you stay a virgin at thirty. I’m only helping.”
Toushiro hears them from his room and he scoffs. Reading minds because he is a virgin? As if!
But the doubt does gnaw at him. Everything that has happened so far, from Hasegawa to Tetsu and now to Kondo’s deepest and darkest fantasies—they can’t be all coincidence now, can it?
Truth be told, Toushiro is a virgin. He just never cared for it. Not even when Mitsuba was around. His love for her was so pure he couldn’t think of such things. He just thought they would find a time for all of that if it had to happen. He met enough men and women later on who were interested in him, but he never was.
Another truth be told, he has felt attraction. And he hates where it takes him. It brings him to a strong back, bulging muscles, defined abs (despite all the sugar consumed) and shocking silver hair. It has brought him to shameless acts in the dead of the night that would have him recoil in disgust the next morning. He isn’t repelled by the act—he understands urges and how they need release—he is repelled by himself . What makes him different from that purple-haired stalker then?
Just the thought of the brainless silver-haired samurai stirs his body and he quickly dampens it with the recollection of Kondo’s thoughts. He can’t tell if all of this is real or not but right now, he needs a nap. When he is awake again, everything will be alright. Mindreading just because you’re a virgin at 30 doesn’t exist. Yes, he lives in a world where aliens exist, he has travelled planets to fight Walmart versions of Dragon Ball Z villains for a smoke and he had his soul swapped, but mindreading? Nope.
He puts his head on the pillow and prays for sleep to take him away. He cannot deal with this shit right now.