Chapter Text
Bella
I really wasn't sure why I was so angry, just that I was and whoever dared cross Bella Swan's path today had better be very very careful. It wasn't a common emotion for me, most days I was just sad, anger was something to draw out of the bottom of my soul only when absolutely necessary. A simple Monday morning at my Forks high school was not nearly a good enough reason to pull rage out of the closet but he had slipped out before I could notice and now it was too late. Once the anger came it never left quickly. I stumbled my way through the crowded hallways, head down headphones in. At this point in my school career most people already knew to avoid me and the few friends I did manage to keep knew that headphones meant to leave me be. I was thankful they respected that, in their own way, because I'd definitely overheard Jess say more than once that I was strange. But Jessica’s comments didn't bother me too much anymore, I was strange.
I slowly make my way to my first period class, Math, one of my least favorites. It seemed like a head down on the desk kind of day and I immediately made a beeline to the back row. As other students began to file in I laid my head upon the desk and closed my eyes. I was feeling kind of warm, feverish almost and it occured to me that I may be coming down with something. Maybe getting drunk in the woods the other night with no shoes on had given me a cold. I knew it had been too cold but it hadn't really worried me at the time, it's been a stressful year and I needed to let off some steam. Maybe I'd contracted the flu from one of the many sneezing, coughing, snuffling students around me. It was December after all, prime time for getting sick. It seemed to be coming on rather quickly though, maybe my recent lack of sleep and food were wearing me down as well, making me weaker than normal. I let out a quiet groan and tried to tune out the lesson until the bell released us.
Second period went much the same, my head began to hurt and the heat continued to grow. I stopped in the bathroom on the way to third period and could've swore I was staring at a ghost in the mirror. My normally pale skin seemed flushed and so much whiter than usual. And the rage hadn't left, I'd snapped at a pretty decent amount of the student body already, far more than normal.
Why am I so mad? Why do I feel like I'm on fire? This isn't right.
By time lunch rolled around food was the last thing on my mind but I still allowed the obnoxious flow of students to pull me towards the cafeteria. I grab two bottles of orange juice and slowly make my way to the usual table. Jessica was already there, along with her boyfriend Mike, Angela, Ben, Tyler, and Lauren. Angela and Ben had a thing, they weren't quite dating yet as they both seemed too awkward to pop the question but they were getting undeniably close. I was happy for them, sweet kind Angela had always been one of my closest friends and I was glad that the bespectacled girl had found someone who made her happy.
"Hey Bella, you feeling alright?" Angela asked with concern in her voice.
"I'm not feeling too hot but it'll probably pass."
Angela eyed me up and down and nodded slightly.
"Well text me if you leave early, I can cover."
"I'll keep that in mind." I smiled gratefully at my friend.
There seemed to be more noise in the cafeteria than usual. I glanced around and noticed that everyone around me seemed to be focused on a table on the far side of the room. There's a lot of whispers and looks that I'm sure are meant to be sneaky but really aren't. I can't really see who or what they're looking at so I turn my attention back to my table. Maybe one of them knows.
"Hey do you guys know what's going on? What are they all looking at?"
Jessica gives me a wide eyed look.
" Do you live under a rock Bella? They're looking at the new kids."
"New kids?" I asked, confused.
"Gosh Bella you don't pay attention to anything. People have been talking about them all day, the Cullens, there's 5 of them, two girls and three boys and they're all gorgeous." Jessica gushes.
Mike shoots her a look and then turns to me.
"Two of the boys were in my English class Emmett and Edward I believe. They didn't talk to anyone but each other, I think they're kinda weird. Stuck up even."
Jessica just rolls her eyes at him.
"I'd be stuck up too if I looked like them. They're like you'd picture Greek gods to look. Gods and goddesses. The big one is Emmett, he dates the tall blonde one. Rosalie I think, and then-"
"Wait wait wait." I interrupt. "Dates? Aren't they siblings? They have the same last name don't they?"
"They're all adopted, by this guy Carlisle. I hear he's the new doctor in town, and he's just as beautiful as them." Lauren tells me with a cheeky grin.
I slowly nod my understanding and try again to get a glance across the room. There's too many heads in my way and I snort in frustration. Whatever, what do I really care anyway? I tell myself that but something keeps drawing my attention to that corner of the room. Like there's a magnet pulling my eyeballs where I don't really need to look. What is it with me today? I stare a bit longer and then someone finally stands and walks away from the table in front of them. I catch just a glimpse of a gorgeous set of golden eyes. Is that an angel? All of the sudden the heat in my body flares up, I fee sweat begin to pool across my body.
I'm on fire, I need to get out of here.
I lurch up from my seat and all eyes at the table turn to me, startled.
"I gotta go home, I'm gonna hurl. Angela, you'll cover?" I can barely get the words out through my gritted teeth. My head is going to explode.
"Of course Bella. Go home, you look terrible, drive careful."
I'm out the door before the last words leave Angela's mouth. I stumble my way out to the parking lot, hands clamped to my head where white hot pain is exploding behind my eyes. When I reach my truck I can't stop my stomach from emptying the OJ all over the ground next to my parking spot. I thank god nobody parked next to me today. I let it all out, wipe my face and climb into the truck groaning. The ride home is torture, I can barely keep my eyes open with the pain trying to make them fall out. I'm on fire, a fever probably, but in this moment it feels like real fire trying to burn me to ashes. Ashes to ashes, we all fall down. I let out a slightly hysterical laugh at the ridiculous nursery rhyme floating through my head. My body hurts, my bones feel like they're trying to escape my body. And the rage, the rage is at a boiling point. My whole body shakes with it, shakes like I'm going to burst apart at the seams. I'm lucky I meet no one on the road because I fear I might very well drive straight over them in my rush to get home. I just want to be home. Finally, finally, the tiny white house comes into view. I whip into the driveway and just about fall out of the truck. I wobble up to my front door, pushing it open and not thinking twice about the fact that it's unlocked. I immediately collapse on the couch in the living room, shaking even as I sweat buckets.
"What the fuck is wrong with me." I moan out.
"I could probably explain it to yah Bells."
My eyes shoot open, looking for the source of the voice. Of course I recognize it, how could I not know my own cousin's voice? The real problem is why I didn't notice him standing so calmly in the corner when I walked in. In response my head shoots another electric bolt across my brain and I stop worrying about everything to scream.
"What's going on Jake?" my voice is raspy, trembling and disjointed like the rest of my body.
"Well I mean it's kind of complicated and to be honest you'll know soon enough."
His voice is too calm and my rage grows tenfold. How dare he be so calm right now? So collected? I'm probably dying of a stroke right now and he just stands there smirking, playing guessing games. Guessing games!
"Jacob." I all but growl. "Explain." The words are hard to get out, it feels like my throat is closing.
"Well," he starts with a sigh. "You know the legends Bella, you grew up half on the rez, you know C-" a pause as he eyeballs me. " You know your dad is..was half Quileute so I mean this should be an easy jump for you."
I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and try to control my breathing. Legends. Quileute legends. Pale faces? No, not that. Wolves.
"Girls don't turn." It comes out as a snarl.
"Now that's not necessarily true. We just believed that for a long time. But Leah Clearwater turned 3 weeks ago. Times are changing Bells." He chuckles lightly at the end and for some reason the sound burns in my ears.
Before I realize it I'm standing, facing Jacob with my fists balled tightly at my sides. He takes a step back.
"Whoa now Bella, you don't wanna do that inside. Trust me."
I'm long past caring though and I'm sure Jacob can see it in my eyes. I feel like I'm unraveling, my body is shaking so hard I'm surprised I don't just collapse to the floor, don’t just shake apart like an earthquake splits the ground. Jacob slowly began to move towards the back door, my eyes following him, my body twists with them. He moves with his hands up in front of him, like he's trying to come off as innocent, not a threat. For some reason that makes me angrier. As Jacob's hand reaches the door handle and begins to push it open, I lunge. We fly through the door together and with a flash of heat I crash directly into the ground and everything changes. I slam my eyes shut. There's an angry sound echoing around me. A growl? Who's growling?
That would be you Bells.
The voice is cautious sounding, even in my head. It makes me jump. The voice sounds like Jake, but why is it in my head? Why is he in my head?
You're one of us Bella. Open your eyes.
I think to myself that I'm taking all this rather calmly. I mean voices in your head are never a good sign right? Even if it's just one and one that belongs to your cousin, practically your brother at that. Still, it's probably not great and I think that opening my eyes probably won't do much more damage to my sanity, so I do it. Everything looks different, clearer, sharper somehow. The colors are all so much brighter, the air is so much warmer, and the pain has momentarily left my body. I gaze around in wonder until my eyes fall upon Jacob, standing a considerable distance away, his russet colored fur standing up almost straight.
What's going on? Jacob's a wolf? Why can I hear him?
Because you are too. Look down.
So I do, because I'm not feeling particularly combative anymore. I look down and see fur. Fur. I'm covered in chocolate brown fur.
How? Why? The thought is barely a whisper.
That's a long story Bells, might as well sit down.
XXXXX
"It's pretty simple really, I'm surprised you didn't expect it."
Jacob and I have phased back, and after an embarrassing moment of having to send Jake to find clothing for the two of us, we had sat down on the couch.
"You know my dad and your dad were half brothers," Jacob begins. "So Charlie was only half Quileute, and then when he and your mom got together and had you we didn't really expect anything to come of it. I mean you've only got the tiniest amount of Quileute blood in you and until Leah we didn't even realize girls could shift."
I nod my head slightly in understanding. I don't really want to talk about Charlie and Renee right now, the wounds are still fresh. Charlie has only been dead for a year now. Renee was a little different, she'd died in childbirth and that's how I had ended up with the last name Swan instead of Black. Charlie wanted Renee to live on in me and had given me the best thing he could think of, Renee Swan's last name.
"So since my dad is your official guardian, even though you live here, the school called and let him know you've been acting strange. Leaving early a lot and looking pretty angry all the time. They mentioned you telling off teachers and students like it was nothing over silly things. So my dad started to wonder and I've been trying my best to keep an eye on you since. We were worried you'd get angry at school and phase right there in front of everyone, we're glad you made it home okay."
"Did they call today when I left early?" I ask.
"Of course, that's why I was here waiting for you." Jacob smiles at me.
It's a lot to wrap my spinning head around, obviously I knew my father and Jacob's father were half brothers but it never really occurred to me that he had Quileute blood. My grandmother wasn't one of them, and my own mother wasn't one of them so that tiny sliver of Quileute in me was never thought of. They didn't live on the rez and Charlie didn't really look the part anyway. I sure as hell didn't look like them with my pale skin, but still there was no denying that I had definitely turned into a giant wolf outside, that seemed like proof enough. I was jerked out of my thoughts as Jacob began to speak again.
"So now you have a choice Bella, you can stay living here and stay at Forks High or you can come live on the rez with us. The only issue in the long run is if you stay here you won't be considered a full part of the pack. We won't call on you for patrols or fights or anything like that and you can pretty much do your own thing. Of course if something went wrong and you needed help the pack will always fight for you, in all technicalities you're one of us. Kinda like an adopted sister." Jacob lets out with a laugh.
Stay here or go live on the rez? Of course I would stay here, this was the home I had lived in for my entire life. The home Charlie raised me in. If I didn't leave with his death, I sure as hell wasn't going to leave over this. And besides, did I really want to be part of the pack? Having to be responsible for the safety of the whole reservation. Having to follow the pack leader's orders, always no matter what. Having to shift naked in front of all those guys, constantly. Having my every thought heard by the entire pack and in turn having to hear all theirs. No, I would definitely be staying here.
"I don't think so Jake, I think I'll stay here. I'm not ready to leave my home yet." I tell him quietly.
"No worries Bells, my dad figured as much, he told me to ask though. You're always welcome with us." He smiles.
I smile back and give him a brief hug.
"Thank you Jacob, what would I do without you?"
"Gee Bella you'd probably just stay moping around the house for the rest of your life without me to make things fun."
We laugh together even though there's truth in his statement, I probably wouldn't leave the house ever again if I didn’t have to. My cousin was my one constant, always there for me when I needed him. He was like the brother I never had and I was eternally grateful to him and my Uncle Billy, they'd both helped me through so much.
"As for school, " Jacob begins after a moment, "You need to be very careful with your emotions, mainly your anger, you cannot allow yourself to shift in front of anyone. It could be very dangerous for you and them, an angry wolf blacks out Bella, there's no telling who you could hurt or worse."
I feel a shiver down my spine at his words. I'll need to be very careful, especially with my emotions being a little out of whack lately. This is gonna take some serious self control. I nod quickly at him anyway.
"We think it'll be best for you to take a little time off, about a month. We can tell the school you're sick, mono is always a good cop out. So we can try and teach you whatever we can about control. Shifting is a dangerous game, we need to make sure you'll be able to handle whatever is coming." He continues.
"I understand Jake, that makes sense." I agree easily, I've never been one to argue with time off school.
He eyeballs me for a moment, like there's something he's holding back, but then he plows on.
"Once you go back if you need to leave early or skip days altogether that's okay, my dad will handle it when they call. We need to keep this secret safe, no one can know. Especially now." Jacob ends with a disgusted look.
"Why, what's going on?"
"There's a clan of bloodsuckers back in Forks." Jacob sighs. "They don't hunt humans, they feed off of wild animals, they're the only clan we've ever encountered that does it like that. That's why we have a treaty with them, they stay off the rez and don't harm a soul and we leave them alone. The only problem is that you're on their side of the treaty line, so you'll have to deal with them on your own. They won't bother you, they'll have no reason to. It's best if you just avoid them like the plague to be completely honest."
My head is spinning, this is all too much at the moment. My head still hurts and I'm tired, oh so very tired, but I try my best to retain it all. I feel like I should have more emotions than this, but I can't seem to find the appropriate feelings. I can't seem to find anything at all. Still I smile at Jacob.
"I'll be fine Jake, don't worry about me." I tell him gently.
He grins back but something in the back of his eyes tells me he knows I'm not being totally truthful.
"If you say so Bella, but I think I might keep worrying a little, I mean you are a magnet for trouble."
Once again we laugh together at this, we both know it's true. Maybe the wolf in me will make me less clumsy, that would be something. Less accidents, less broken bones, it was definitely something I could get behind.
"I guess that's all Bells, you're looking pretty beat so I'm gonna head back home. I'll be back in the morning and we can get started on the fun stuff ." He laughs.
"Of course, thanks Jake, tell Uncle Billy I send my love." I give him a tight hug.
"Gotcha Bells."
And with that he heads out the front door, closing it lightly behind him. I move over and lock it, better safe than sorry as Charlie used to say. I make my way to the kitchen, searching around for food for a moment before settling on some leftover pizza and the bottle of Jack Daniels that sits on the top shelf of the freezer. The only good thing to come out of my recent growth spurt is that my fake ID was completely passable now, no matter where I went. Some places didn't even card me, I looked the part. I take a couple swigs from the bottle while my pizza heats up in the microwave. When it's done I inhale it in minutes, all these life changing events really worked up my appetite. The pizza burns my mouth but I don't feel it, my mind is a million miles away trying to comprehend how my life is so different this evening compared to this morning. I throw my dish in the sink and grab my bottle. I take a few swigs as I trudge up the stairs to my room. The alcohol doesn't seem to be touching me tonight but I feel exhausted enough that I don't think it will matter.
I slip into shorts and a tank top to sleep, take a couple more sips off the bottle, and then fall into my messy bed. The booze seems to be just barely numbing my throbbing brain. I take back my earlier feelings, it's not enough and I just want to sleep so I quickly pound down a few more shots. The bottle is almost empty now, yet my eyes are still open. This is taking much more than usual but I can feel the heat in my face telling me it's starting to work. Drunk at 17 years old in my bedroom on a school night. Charlie would be ashamed, Uncle Billy and Jake would be too if they knew, and who knows, maybe my poor mother would be ashamed too. I let out a deep sigh and take down the rest of my drink, tossing the empty bottle under my bed. I squeeze my eyes shut and try not to think of Charlie or Jake or vampires or wolves. Soon enough my breathing slows and my limbs start to feel heavy. I sink gratefully into the bliss of sleep, dreading tomorrow and every day after.
That's the first night I dream of my golden eyed angel.