Archive of Our Own

Minus One

As Joshua lies dying in Clive’s arm, his life flashes before him, all the people important to him, his father, his mother, his brother. Jill and Torgal. His family. The Undying. 

And Dion.

Joshua has so many regrets.

Deep down in his core, he’s a selfish man. He knew he was going to his death. Lady Tarja doesn’t even need to speak for people to take a few looks at Joshua and know that he’s going to die. Joshua knew that best himself, and yet, he let Dion fly to his death. Joshua could’ve easily asked Dion to stay and live .

But as Joshua lies dying, he knows that soon he will be joining Dion in death, they can meet again. In death. And that makes dying not as lonely for Joshua.

He hopes Clive will survive.

And he hopes that he will die.

Because if it means Clive can save Valisthea, Joshua is willinging to sacrifice all of his memories, all of what makes him him . Joshua knows that Dion is waiting for him.

He isn’t afraid.

Zero

The sounds of turbulent waves lashes against the shore, the result of millennia worth of erosion, the same waves carrying sediments to deposit at the end, forming its own coast with time. The waves work hard, day after day. Joshua coughs as he sits up from the shore and stares into the darkness of the sea.

He was wrong. It’s not turbulent. The sound of the waves is gentle and calming, it’s not lashing out, it’s his misconception.

The full moon hangs low and bright. A blue moon. Metia flickers. Dying. Joshua places a hand over his own heart. His heart beats to the same rhythm of Metia flickering in and out. Eventually Metia settles for a dull light. Joshua’s heart wrenches.

How he is still alive, he is unsure. He was sure he had died. He’d seen the light, he’d seen Dion standing there, waiting for him with his soft smile and welcoming embrace. Joshua’s heart clenches tightly. He had sent Dion to his death. His love. His light. Joshua coughs and no blood spills for once. He grimaces as he stands up, not even bothering to dust the sand off of his soaked clothes. Joshua looks away from the sky and the ocean to his surroundings. 

The coast runs for miles. Joshua squints to see if it can make him see any better under the cover of the night. Joshua turns to the other side of the coast and the first thing he notices is something glittering on the coast line. Joshua takes a step towards it and then decides to fuck it , he sprints across the sand, his every step heavy, heavier than his pumping heart as he recognises those clothes.

It has to be Dion.

The white captures the twinkling stars and the moon and reflects brilliantly.

It has to be Dion.

Joshua can hear blood pump in his ears as he desperately tries to claw his way towards the other.

It has to be Dion.

He convinces himself that there is no one else who can wear white that elegantly. 

It has to be Dion.

That there is no one else who shines as gracefully even when collapsed on grey sand.

It has to be Dion.

Joshua is confident he can recognise Dion no matter what form. Even if the other is a lindwurm.

Their fate is written in the stars. Joshua believes this, he knows so. He told Dion so and Dion told him so too. He’s got a whole book at the Hideaway where he’s mapped out their stars, their fate together.

“Dion.” Joshua calls the other’s name over and over in a crescendo.

When Joshua does make it along the coast to the body slumped into the sand, he falls onto his knees as he grabs one of Dion’s hands - it has to be Dion, no one else has hands this beautiful. And his other hand grabs Dion’s shoulder to turn him around with care. “Dion, please.” 

He doesn’t know why he hopes , he hadn’t been able to feel Dion’s aether after he had turned around and flown away from Dion. But, if Joshua himself had somehow survived a hole in his chest, defying the impossible, then, maybe the impossible is possible.

Joshua’s eyes immediately fall on Dion’s face, his angel, one side of his head covered in blood, why is Dion’s head always bloodied - it’s the only time Joshua firmly believes that red does not suit Dion. Joshua shudders, knowing the first time he saw Dion with blood on his head had been his fault - and Clive’s. And now the second time, also his fault, and Clive’s. It is obvious the Rosfield brothers are dangerous for Dion. Joshua places Dion back on his lap and uses his free hand to caress Dion’s cheeks, “Dion?”

Cold with a hint of warmth.

When Dion stirs under Joshua’s gentle touches, Joshua feels all the relief in the world flood through him.

He’s alive. He’s not dead. He’s alive, alive, alive!

“Dion.” Joshua stresses again, he tries to cast a curaga by instinct, but nothing happens. He had conveniently forgotten that they have destroyed all the mother crystals. He can’t use magic anymore. Curaga is no longer a convenience, it’s something of the past, something that died when Joshua thought he too had fallen.

Soon, they will turn into stone and die.

It’s not a matter of if they will die, it’s a matter of when. Their days are numbered. Joshua knows that. He can feel it within him, despite his new found life, death still tails him. But he will thank the Founder. His heart still beats. Dion is in his arms and his chest still heaves.

Surely, a potion, a high potion, Joshua digs through his pockets and fishes out a high potion to cast on Dion.

The light is cool and it glows as Dion takes in the high potion. The soft hue makes Dion look more ethereal. The blood on his head disappears much to Joshua’s relief. He lets out a breath he had been holding in.

“Dion.” Joshua caresses Dion’s cheek tenderly as he looks at Dion, watching the other gasp and stir more, his facial expression changes, his muscles tense, they frown, his lips turn and press in haste. 

After what felt like a lifetime, Dion finally opens his eyes with a small intake of air, his chest rises steadily, pace increasing as his eyes lock onto Joshua’s own.

“Who are you?” Dion asks with a quiet voice as he stares into Joshua’s crystal blue eyes. Dion doesn’t blink.

Immediately - as quickly as relief had coursed through his veins, Joshua’s world stops as he is torn asunder.

An unsavoury feeling sinks in Joshua’s stomach. It’s never a thought or feeling Joshua would’ve ever expected to bloom from the subject of Dion. But as Joshua looks at Dion’s innocent wide golden eyes, Joshua’s heart shatters. He doesn’t remember. He’s looking at Joshua with no familiarity, he’s a stranger to Dion. Joshua grips Dion tightly, his hand protectively holding Dion’s hand and shoulders.

Dion winces at the strength holding him.

Straight away, Joshua stops gripping Dion as tightly and gives Dion a very apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Dion.”

“Dion?” Dion asks, eyes still wide and round as he looks into Joshua’s eyes. “Is that your name?”

Joshua is shocked for a couple of seconds, he shakes his head. “No, your name is Dion Lesage.” 

He doesn’t remember. He doesn’t know who he is. He lost his memories. He can’t remember. He doesn’t know me. He can’t remember me.

Dion hums and whispers his name over his lips, ghosting, unfamiliar, foreign. “And your name?” He likes the other’s eyes, it’s beautiful. The colouring is so intense as though he can stare right into your soul and know the very intricate carvings that make you you.

Joshua knows that he’s always been captivated with Dion’s eyes. They’re so expressive, for Joshua, they are the window to Dion’s soul, Joshua can read him like an open book. 

Except right now.

He’s confused and he’s lost his memories - Joshua wonders, he hopes, he begs, that this will only be temporary.

“Joshua. Joshua Rosfield,” Joshua says with difficulty, as though he’s swallowing boulders. “I’m your husband.” Joshua’s breaks eye contact from Dion and instead pulls Dion up into an almost bone crushing embrace. “I’m so sorry Dion, I’m so very sorry.”

Dion allows himself to be embraced by a sobbing Joshua Rosfield. He feels odd. He can feel the other’s sorrow and it tugs at his heart, but Dion can’t understand why. Why is the other sorry? What’s making those beautiful eyes so sad?

Is it him?

He can’t remember.

Dion hesitantly places his free hand on Joshua’s back and pats the other awkwardly but gently. Dion doesn’t shed a single tear.

One

Joshua wakes up to not the lull of lashing waves. It’s to the quiet murmurings of the waves, not at all a reflection of the turmoil and distress that tears through Joshua’s heart. He listens to Dion’s heartbeats as he holds the other close.

He is thankful that they are both alive.

They had both set off to Origin knowing that it’ll be their last. Knowing that they will not have a tomorrow in Valisthea. Knowing that they will see each other next in a world that isn’t Valisthea.

His heart stops palpitating once he settles with listening to Dion’s heartbeat and Dion’s breathing. It relaxes him, it grounds him, it reminds him of what he has not lost, yet. Yet the fact that Dion had looked up at him like a stranger yesterday is a cruel reminder of what he has lost, already.

The fire burns brightly over the pile of sticks and twigs they had gathered yesterday, providing them with the little warmth it can offer, none warmer than skin on skin. Dion had not at all seemed shy or embarrassed by Joshua’s idea.

“We’re married, right?” Dion had asked Joshua as he started pulling off his clothes with Joshua’s help.

“Yes, of course.” Joshua replies easily. He had married Dion Lesage. One who is no longer there. Not that the Dion now is an empty shell - but sometimes, Joshua thinks, maybe.

The cold wind from the ocean reminds Joshua that the day is anew. “Dion, time to wake up, we need to go look for more resources.” Joshua gently shakes Dion awake in his arms, his heart at ease as he watches Dion’s perfect slumbering face, he’s angelic. Joshua feels warm just by having Dion this close, the cold wind almost a fragment of the past.

Dion opens his eyes and blinks blearily at Joshua.

Joshua smiles at the other, all the things he’d give to continue waking up with Dion by his side.

“Who are you?” Dion asks.

And Joshua’s heart sinks again. The cold breeze stings against his skin. The relief dissolves and turns into an ugly twist of emotions. How unsavoury. How tasteless. Joshua hates the feelings that pierce through him. He can’t let those thoughts consume him, he’s grateful, he’s thankful, Dion is alive and here right in his arms, where they belong.

Swallowing thickly, Joshua responds with a shaky voice, “I’m Joshua Rosfield, your husband.” It feels like he’s swallowing daggers, each word tears him apart, again and again.

As predicted, Dion then asks, “And who am I?”

“Your name is Dion, Dion Lesage.” Joshua responds as he tries to keep the despondentness out of the tremor of his voice. He knows his voice will crack soon, and he doesn’t want to show Dion any more tears.

Even if Dion can’t remember any of Joshua’s tears nor his own.

They forage along the coastline together for resources. Joshua wants to continue holding Dion’s hand, but he knows that this is about survival, and it is easier to have another person help him scout. Even if he has lost most of his memories. But Joshua keeps Dion in his line of sight, not just in his peripheral vision, he likes watching him, reminding himself that this is real. That they are both here together .

Perhaps not wholly. But still together.

Joshua bites his lips, Dion must be so scared . He racks his brain and wonders what he should do to ease the other’s memory-less feelings. Joshua thinks he can make Dion whole. Just like how Dion completes him. There’s always a Dion shaped piece in his heart. A spot only Dion can take. A space only Dion can complete. A space only Dion can fill. And Joshua knows for a fact, that there is a spot in Dion just for Joshua.

As they continue foraging along the coastline, Joshua wonders if he will find Clive on the shoreline. Just like how he had found Dion. He hopes that he can find Clive, ideally healthy and well with his memories all intact.

He doesn’t find Clive.

Two

“Who are you?”

Joshua knows for a fact that those three words are the words he least wants to hear. He loathes how it torments him, he is disgusted with how he lets his thoughts consume him. He is disappointed with how it makes him feel. He tries to focus on the positives. The fact that they are both still here.

“You are Dion Lesage,” Joshua tells Dion softly. He then holds Dion’s hand gently in his own. “I’m Joshua Rosfield, your husband.” He lifts Dion’s hand to his lips and gently presses his lips on the back of Dion’s hand.

“Oh!” Dion smiles, accepting everything Joshua tells him as fact.

It is though.

Joshua gives the other a small smile. He is lucky. To be alive. To be here with Dion.

“What are we doing here?” Dion asks as he looks around the blight ridden beach.

The truth sits at Joshua’s tongue. But he decides to lie. He’s never lied to Dion before and his whole body reacts to it with rejection. His muscles cramp, his head starts aching and his stomach hurts at the mere thought of even lying to someone so important to him. Someone he holds so dear. His dearest.

But if it’ll give Dion a little bit of peace. Even if it’s just for the day.

Joshua grits through, he can do this. “We’re on our honeymoon.”

Dion takes in that information as he looks around the beach. “Do we like the beach?”

Joshua doesn’t know. He doesn’t know whether he likes the beach or not. What he likes is… “I like you.”

Dion flushes and gives Joshua a small smile. He reaches over to hold Joshua’s hand. “I don’t remember, but I must love you a lot too if we are married.”

It’s true. It’s so true. It’s the truth.

“Yes,” Joshua agrees, “I love you so much.”

And Dion will never remember just how much Joshua loves him.

The two end up scavenging some small crustaceans from the ocean water. They survive on that as they continue along the coastline, looking for a way out. If it’s nothing like the honeymoon Dion knows , he doesn’t say anything.

Joshua looks away from the coastline and inland. He thinks they must head inland. Away from the cold of this land. The cold was never an issue before when the Phoenix kept him running hot, but now, Joshua truly understands what it is to feel cold. But Joshua knows that for that he will need to scavenge for more food. And he’d have to find a way to light a fire. His knowledge in lighting fires with means outside of magic is limited, he supposes he will have to put in extra effort.

Afterall, what kind of husband will he be if Dion shivers from the cold. He can’t let that happen. He will never forgive himself. And he already has a never ending list of crimes he’s committed. Dion suffering from the harshness of the cold will be at the very top.

He doesn’t even know where he is. The position of the stars and the moon only tell him so much. The emptiness of the land means he could be almost anywhere in Valisthea.

Three

“Who are you?” 

Joshua looks into Dion’s stunning eyes and he answers the same he did the last three times. By now, despite the little sample size he has, Joshua is certain that Dion has amnesia. He remembers nothing from before Origin. And nothing after Origin. He remembers the things Joshua tells him for the day, and it seems, almost like magic , Dion’s memories rest back to default the next time the sun rises.

But there is no magic left in the lands of Valisthea after the disappearance of all the mother crystals. Joshua is certain of that. He can’t curaga . He can’t prime . He can’t create balls of firelight which never fails to make Dion beam.

More research will have to go into why and how Dion has ended up like this. Memory-less. Not knowing who Joshua is. Joshua wonders if they meet someone else - Clive even, whether Dion will remember them. If that does happen though, Joshua is unsure whether he will be able to continue living. If he is the only one Dion has forgotten.

“Do you remember anyone?” Joshua asks with anxiousness.

He feels torn. He wants Dion to be able to remember, someone, anyone . But more than anything, he wishes that it’s Joshua Rosfield who Dion Lesage remembers.

Dion shakes his head.

But Dion remembers objects. He knows what a dagger is. He knows what earrings are. He just doesn’t know the significance of them. No, he’s forgotten the significance of those items. Ones, Joshua would always hold close to heart.

It’s enough . Joshua tells himself that as he holds onto Dion’s hand and leads him to help look for crustaceans buried in the wet sand the ocean tickles. He will have to save the shell of some and see if he can polish it to be a sharp edge for his stubble. Until he can find something more appropriate, he will make use of whatever resources he can scavenge.

It matters not if Dion wakes up not remembering. Joshua will tell Dion every single night whilst they hold each other, just how much he loves Dion. He won’t let Dion fall asleep not knowing. And he will tell Dion every morning when he wakes that he loves him.

Four

Joshua helps Dion lace his clothes back on as they wake up with the same explanations.

You’re Dion Lesage.

I’m Joshua Rosfield, your husband.

Joshua adds an extra truth to what he tells Dion in the mornings.

You’ve lost your memories.

And I love you.

Dion sits still as Joshua expertly helps Dion lace his clothes back on. He could do it with his eyes closed. He has it all memorised, he knows where Dion prefers it tighter, more snug, areas where Dion prefers it just a tad loose for the movements of his beautiful muscles. Joshua knows it all.

But this Dion, he… he isn't really Joshua’s Dion.

He’s a fragment of Joshua Rosfield’s Dion Lesage.

“You’ve lost your memories,” Joshua tells Dion, “that’s why you can’t remember much.”

Dion frowns sadly. “I understand.” He looks as though the weight of the world has been beseeched with haste to sit on his shoulders. “I suppose that means you would like to dissolve our marriage.”

Joshua is bewildered at the other’s words. “No.” Joshua firmly states. There is no world in any world where he would willingly dissolve his marriage with Dion. “I won’t allow it.” He’s not Phoenix anymore. Dion isn’t Bahamut anymore. But their marriage stands. Joshua will be damned if he ever lets anything in the way of their intertwined fate.

Dion looks bashfully at Joshua. “Is it not a burden to you though, to have someone without their memories in your life?”

For the second time in Joshua’s life, he lies to Dion. 

The ugly feelings crawl up Joshua’s throat and screeches, his stomach churns as the lie peels his lips apart and tumbles out into Dion’s ears.

“I will fill you in every day, everything you’ve forgotten, we have all the time in the world to remember together.” Joshua promises. Except, not only do they not have all the time in the world, they only have the time of one day .

It’s a lie. It’s so blatant. But Dion doesn’t need to know. He will forget once the sun rises again. Joshua stares into Dion’s eyes, to find something , anything that belongs to his Dion Lesage, but all he sees is a fragment. Nothing more.

“I see.” Dion gives Joshua a small smile.

It’s everything to Joshua. The warmth and the light that flows from Dion’s smile suppresses all the darkness in Joshua. He can do this. They can do this together. Joshua will hold on, even if it’s just a fragment of Dion. He desires the other. Joshua thinks that small smile is worth the lie.

“Please tell me something about myself.”

Joshua returns Dion’s smile, “Let’s start with my favourite song, Dion the Bold .”

Six

There will not be a single day in which Joshua will tire of Dion’s bashful face as he wakes up naked in his husband’s arms. Their conversations are all very similar to the previous ones, Joshua feels almost like they’re following a script at this point in time. As though they’re acting out lines from the theatre. 

It’s not far from the truth. Joshua has gotten better at calming Dion down with certain topics, and continuing to spin the same lie, day after day.

They’ve now left the beach and are heading inland. They’re following what must’ve once been a river before the blight took over, leaving it barren and darker than obsidian. Surely a river will mean that some form of outcrop must’ve been built by it at some point in Valisthean history, right?

Joshua holds hands with Dion as he guides them through the lands, still thinking about the limited resources they have left. He has decided that his red scarf looks better on Dion. Dion doesn’t even know that the scarf was originally Joshua’s. But Joshua enjoys looking at his lover wearing his clothes. Call him silly, but it makes the dull day just a bit brighter.

“How did we first meet, Joshua?” Dion asks quizzically. Dion is obedient and follows Joshua, he notes how warm the other’s hand is and how safe it feels in his own palm.

The questions makes Joshua pause in his step, but he quickly picks up his pace and continues, “We met at something called the Remembrance Ceremony.” Joshua turns to look at Dion and gives him a smile. “We were both eight summers old.”

Dion looks like he has a lot of questions, but he chooses to let Joshua continue.

Joshua remembers standing in objection at the Remembrance Ceremony when it was announced the son of His Radiance of the Holy Empire of Sanbreque, Sylvestre Lesage, Dion Lesage has arrived.

Pointing a finger at the squire, Joshua shakes his hand, “She’s a girl!”

Beautiful golden locks, cute cheeks dusted pink, lips full and paitned red, lashes that flutter in the wind, and steps smoother than a swan gliding across water - surely Dion Lesage is a girl.

Silence washes over the room as everyone turns their attention on the young Eikon of Fire in disbelief at his proclamation.

Anabella curtsies and apologises for the embarrassing interruption as she brings Joshua back to his seat and informs him that Dion Lesage is very much a boy, just like Joshua himself.

Sylvestre smiles in amusement, he takes it as a compliment and even extends an olive of peace to Joshua by commenting that perhaps choosing a gender-neutral name can be confusing when one’s son is more beautiful than his mother.

But Joshua is convinced, he even tells his mother, “But she’s prettier than Jill!”

Anabella frowns and shakes her head and mutters, “That insolent girl is not pretty, Joshua.” She doesn’t deny that Dion is pretty though.

Joshua returns the frown, he remembers Clive telling him that Jill is very pretty. He wants to tell Clive that he thinks Dion is very pretty too.

Dion Lesage sits next to Joshua and offers a handshake as a greeting. “I’m a boy,” He says calmly. As though this isn’t the first (or last) time he’s been mistaken for a girl.

“Joshua Rosfield.” Joshua introduces himself eagerly.

“I know, Phoenix, right?” Dion smiles and politely removes his hand from the other’s grasp, “I’m Bahamut.”

Joshua looks at Dion with stars in his eyes. He’s even prettier up close. He can count the other’s fair eyelashes and see each strand of hair that highlights the other’s beauty.

“You also look like a girl,” Dion tilts his head cutely as he looks at Joshua, “kind of.”

Joshua laughs loudly as he shakes his head, “I’m a boy!”

Dion smiles brightly and watches Anabella tell Joshua to behave.

“And that's how we first met.” Joshua finishes the story, he grins at Dion.

“We were childhood sweethearts.” Dion responds quietly and pensively. “I wish I knew what my first impression of you were.”

Joshua laughs. He too, wants to know. He’s nervous for the answer, but he supposes, now he will never get a chance to know of Dion's first impressions of Joshua Rosfield. “Twenty summers have flown by since we first met, just focus on the me now.” Joshua squeezes Dion’s hand assuringly. He hopes the depth of his love is well conveyed. 

As much as he had loved Dion at the age of 8 summers, the Joshua Rosifled now loves Dion infinitely more.

Nine

They finally reach a structure that looks as though it has been built by humans. An abandoned hut. Most likely abandoned because of the blight. And like Joshua had guessed, it was built very close to what was once a river. Joshua lets go of Dion’s hand to brush aside some of the ashen sediments on the river bed. He examines the smoothness of the stones and knows that they’ve been crafted by the gods of the river. Perhaps, even Leviathan once graced these riverbeds.

“Joshua?” Dion asks hesitantly. He looks around with confusion.

“Dion,” Joshua stands up to grasp Dion’s hand again, “it’s alright, I’m just checking the riverbed.” He tugs on Dion’s arm to make the other look at him.

Their eyes meet and Josua falls in love again.

“That house, it looks abandoned,” Dion comments on the obvious. Panic is evident in his voice. “Do you think the residents are… dead?”

Joshua feels his heart tremble in pain. Of course, even without his memories, Dion is still Dion, always concerned for the well-being of every person who calls Valisthea home. He can imagine how Dion felt every time he stood on the battlefield, everytime he soared in the skies in battle with Odin. Joshua feels Dion’s pain. It resonates deeply within him.

The Dion Lesage Joshua has been searching for, has been here the whole time. The sense of familiarity, the spirit who clutches at Joshua’s heart passionately. The man Joshua is in love with has never left. Joshua reaches back to hold Dion’s hand. He can’t let the other go another time. He’s lost Dion too many times already.

“Either the blight took them or they ran from the blight,” Joshua explains, “the blight destroys all life forms in good time.”

Dion looks away and back at the hut in sadness. 

It’s the face of mourning, of guilt, of sadness. Joshua knows that expression well. He’s seen it once too many times on Dion.

There’s no words Joshua can put eloquently to comfort Dion, so he tugs Dion’s hand and then steps towards Dion and brings the other into a hug. A part of Joshua feels disgustingly awful for finding relief in Dion’s sorrow.

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua asks with a layer of uncertainty in his voice.

Dion frowns as he looks at Joshua awkwardly, “Of course, you’re my husband, I am unsure I can live up to your expectations with my memories gone though.”

Joshua smiles and leans closer to Dion to whisper, “Do not worry, you’re perfect.” He presses their lips together for a soft kiss. Better to not scare Dion away. Joshua pulls away and then licks his lips, “How was that?”

Dion is blushing furiously, he nods and covers the bottom half of his face with his free hand.

It only makes Joshua’s smile widen as he easily removes Dion’s hand so that he can kiss the other again. And again. And again.

They spend the night in the hut. Joshua examines the remains in the hut. Burnt wood. It’s charcoal, if he can find paper, he can write. He can sort out his thoughts and continue to document what will one day become history. Joshua pockets the charcoal before he holds Dion close for the rest of the night as he thinks about their dwindling ration.

Not much of a honeymoon.

Ten

Joshua decides to stop lying to Dion. It pains Joshua. The conflict that flicks through Dion’s expression also pains Dion, but Joshua thinks Dion should hear the truth. Now that Joshua thinks about those 18 summers he spent playing dead to Dion, could be classified as a lie.

The guilt eats at him.

Dion’s confusion and fear is obvious. Joshua can smell it on the other. He grits his teeth as he realises just how powerless he is in their current situation.

They travel further inland, following the drained river and on the same day, they find more buildings. More abandoned houses. Joshua looks away from the horizon and he sees landscape not covered in blight. He stares in disbelief. He can’t remember when he last saw land not shrouded in blight. Joshua turns to look at Dion to find that Dion is also staring out into the distant patches of green.

“Look, Joshua.” Dion gazes into the distance, mesmerised.

Joshua realsies then, that at least he knows what colourful scenery looks like, for Dion, this is his first time .

Every day, everything is a first for Dion again.

Joshua tightens his hold on Dion’s hand. The first time Dion’s held hands with someone. The first time Dion’s spoken. “Yes,” Joshua says quietly, “That’s where we’re going to head for next, I’m sure we can restore our rations there.”

There’s always plenty to scavenge for so long as life breathes there. The crustaceans they fished for along the coastline won’t last much longer between the two of them.

Dion turns to look at Joshua, his face contemplative. Joshua wonders what the other is thinking, he finds it overly difficult to read Dion sometimes now that he’s lost his memories, but other times, they’ve been through the same scenario a few days ago and he knows how it’ll play out. He knows what to say next to calm Dion down. He knows how to avoid certain topics. He knows.

But at the same time it also feels like Joshua knows nothing as he stares at this almost empty shell of Dion Lesage.

“There has to be a way,” Joshua whispers to himself.

Even under the covers of abandoned blankets, Joshua holds Dion close to him, he doesn’t let Dion wander out of his sight, he doesn’t let Dion go far enough where he can’t easily reach. Joshua gingerly presses his lips on Dion’s naked shoulder blade.

Dion shudders.

“I love you,” Joshua tells Dion as he inhales deeply, the scent of Dion floods his senses.

He doesn’t receive a response.

Eleven

As the pair make their way hand-in-hand towards the stretch of green before them, Dion asks questions, and Joshua answers.

“How long have I lost my memories for?” Dion is thirsty for knowledge.

“Twelve days.” Joshua has been counting, “Every time the sun rises, you lose your memories again.”

“How long have we been married for?” Dion asks, a small tinge of pink dusts his cheeks as though they were painted with chocobo feathers.

Joshua turns to look at Dion to find the other is already looking at him. He stops in his steps. “We’ve been married for twenty summers.”

“Twenty!?” Dion looks at Joshua in alarm and asks with disbelief, “How, how old are you, Joshua?”

Joshua smiles kindly, “We’re both twenty-right.”

Dion swallows thickly. He states the obvious, “We’ve been married since we were eight.”

Nodding, Joshua tugs Dion along, “Yes, we were promised to each other not long after birth.It was a political treaty.” Not long after Dion presented as Bahamut. “The day we first met each other, twenty years ago, was the day we were married to each other.”

“A political treaty.” Dion’s repeats and his steps slow before they come to a stop.

“Dion?” Joshua looks back at Dion in concern. 

Dion’s head is bowed down as he looks at his feet, and then he looks at their connected hands and he feels fear run through him again at his lack of understanding, his lack of knowledge, his lack of memories. “A political treaty,” Dion says again. He lets go of Joshua’s hand, but only for a split second before Joshua catches Dion’s hand again and holds tightly.

“Dion, what’s wrong?” Joshua holds onto Dion’s hand tightly and walks towards Dion. “Are you not feeling well?”

Looking up into Joshua’s sky blue eyes, Dion finally lifts his head to do so. “Our marriage is a political treaty.”

“Yes.” Joshua nods. “That’s how it started.”

“We didn’t marry out of love.” Dion swallows thickly. He blinks rapidly before he looks away from Joshua as tears well in his eyes.

Technically, no they didn’t marry out of love . “But I love you,” Joshua tells Dion, “we came to love each other.” He squeezes Dion’s hand lightly to emphasise and hope his meaning is carried across.

“Oh.” Dion wipes at his eyes with his other hand and looks back up at Joshua, “So we love each other?”

“Of course,” Joshua says with a soft smile, he cups Dion’s cheek with his other hand and gently wipes away at stray tears with his thumb.

“So, we can hold hands?” Dion asks, hesitantly returning the squeeze of hand.

Joshua nods. “Yes.”

“And, we can hug?” Dion asks hesitantly.

“That’s right.” Joshua stands even closer to Dion, “Can I hug you?”

Dion flushes and nods. He’s immediately embraced in a firm hug after. Joshua’s arm is tight around Dion’s waist, his other hand around Dion’s shoulder, his fingers dancing on the back of Dion’s neck before they press and bring Dion’s head closer.

“We also do other things as a married couple,” Joshua tells Dion in a whisper.

“Right.” Dion blushes as he pulls from Joshua to look at the other, and then asks, “Do we kiss?”

“Most definitely,” Joshua answers, “May I?”

“Please.” Dion closes his eyes and tilts his head back a little. His lips quiver a little as he waits.

Joshua’s gaze softens as he looks at Dion. One so different yet so similar to his Dion Lesage. Same eyes, same voice, same lips. Joshua’s hand is flush on the back of Dion’s neck as he holds Dion in place and then presses his lips onto Dion’s for a tender kiss. He decides not to tell Dion that they normally do a lot more than just kiss .

When the pair makes it to the grass, away from the blight, the air also felt fresher, it was sharp and cool. Dion stares at the grass before he squats so he can touch the grass with his fingers, fascination on his face.

Joshua looks at Dion’s expression and makes a vow quietly, he will take Dion to travel the world. They can enjoy all sorts of new sights together. They can discover and create new memories together. Joshua watches at how easily fascinated Dion is with simple grass as his heart aches.

They sleep beneath the stars on the meadows that night. Joshua continues to hold Dion close and shower him in kisses. He tells Dion how much he loves him as Dion’s consciousness drifts to sleep.

Twelve

An empty village greets Joshua and Dion after half a day’s walk across lush green grass. Stone grey walls. It’s a moderately sized village. Though from the amount of cobwebs and dust Joshua can see at just a glance, it’s clearly been abandoned for many, many moons.

“It looks so eerie,” Dion comments, he holds Joshua’s hand tightly as they walk through the village quietly.

Joshua’s intelligent eyes scours through the landscape, the vegetation, the way the houses are built, the fences and the tools sitting in the garden. He comes to a conclusion. “We’re in Waloed.”

“Waloed?” Dion questions.

Joshua points at the structure of the building they walk past, “The way the stones are laid are typical of houses in Waloed.” 

Dion squints and then nods, he doesn’t have references. He doesn’t know what buildings in other places look like. Dion wonders if he will ever know. 

“Waloed use to be ruled over by a king named Barnabas.” Joshua hums quietly, “Until Clive, my older brother, killed him.”

“Right.” Dion looks at Joshua with a calculated gaze.

“We were at war.” Joshua says quietly, “If we didn’t kill him, he would’ve killed so many others.” Joshua squeezes Dion’s hand tightly. “Including you.”

“Me?” Dion asks.

“Yes, you were the Dominant of Light, and Barnabas was the Dominant of Dark.” Joshua takes a deep breath, “He was always trying to kill you.”

“And did I…” Dion gulps, “Did I try to kill him too?”

Joshua gives Dion a reassuring smile. “You have always only wanted to protect people, Dion.”

That night, Joshua finds an empty journal in the house with the most firewood. Joshua still isn’t use to lighting a fire without the ease of the Phoenix. Or at least a crystal as aid. No worries. He knows soon he will turn to stone, it’s just a matter of time.

Joshua takes the journal and he starts writing it under the dim light of a waning candle. Dion sits on the bed and watches Joshua with patience.

And then, Joshua stands up and walks to the bookshelf to remove a different book, one with a cover made with a lindwurm.

Lindwurm.

Joshua smiles fondly at the book, he had gone with Clive to slay an Akashic Lindwurm in the Kingdom of Waloed for Harpocrates - for Dion . 

He takes the book with him to the table and Joshua starts to write in it - not with charcoal, but with ink and a chocobo feather he had found earlier.

Your name is Dion Lesage.

My name is Joshua Rosfield, I’m your husband.

And I love you.

Joshua looks at his neat script and waits for it to dry before he takes the lindwurm book and the candle to walk towards Dion by the bed.

Dion blinks at Joshua curiously. “Joshua?” He asks.

Joshua places the candle on the bedside table before he climbs onto the bed with Dion.

Dion does not flinch, not does he move away from Joshua’s gentle touches. Their shoulders and thighs press against each other. Joshua hands Dion the lindwurm book and Dion takes it with confusion. “Is this book for me?”

Nodding, Joshua gestures to the book, “Open it, I left you some very important notes on the first page.”

Dion smiles at Joshua before he turns his attention back to the book. He opens the book to find himself reading the three lines Joshua had just penned. He knows those words. “This is what you told me when I woke up this morning.”

“Yes,” Joshua says smoothly, “and I will continue to tell you every morning.”

“Even when you no longer love me?” Dion asks with a small voice, a tremble evident in his voice.

“I will never not love you, Dion.” Joshua is confident. He almost leaves no room for discussion. “I have loved you always and will continue to love you.”

“But I have no memories,” Dion says, he looks into Joshua’s eyes, seeking for answers, “how can you love someone who is empty?”

“You’re not.” Joshua shakes his head, “You are still the Dion Lesage I love.” Joshua removes the book from Dion’s hands so that he can hold Dion’s hands in his own, “You may have lost your memories of yourself, of me, of us and everyone else you’ve met, but your nature is still there, it’s still you .” He sees fragments of Dion Lesage in Dion. Joshua knows Dion isn’t complete, knows that he’s fractured, but all the more reason Joshua needs to be there for the other.

Dion nods and leans in to rest his head on Joshua’s shoulder.

Joshua swallows deeply. He’s nervous. But it doesn’t stop him from instinctively pressing his lips on the crown of Dion’s head.

“Thank you Joshua,” Dion says quietly.

After a moment, Dion removes his head from Joshua’s shoulders to look at Joshua in the eye, “I feel so lucky to have you by my side.”

“As do I.” Joshua doesn’t miss a beat. “Now come, how about you start filling in the pages of that journal with what you want to tell yourself tomorrow, with what you’ve discovered today?” Joshua leads Dion off the bed and to the table with the dying flame of the candle as Dion carefully considers before penning down what he wants to tell himself tomorrow in his elegant script honed from many years of practice.

A new day tomorrow.

Dion won’t remember today.

At the very least, he listens to Joshua’s soothing and deep voice tell him how much he loves him as he drifts off to sleep.

Thirteen

One

Your name is Dion Lesage.

My name is Joshua Rosfield, I’m your husband.

And I love you.

Two

I lose my memories every time I wake up.

Joshua holds me tight and he calms me down. I like his touch. He loves me. Even the me without my memories, he is dedicated to and he loves.

Sleeping on a bed is nicer than in the meadows. Joshua is warm. I wake up warm because of him. We have found an abandoned village in Waloed. Joshua says the way the houses are built are special to Waloed. He told me that King Barnabas - the Dominant of Dark tried to kill me, the Dominant of Light. But Clive, Joshua’s brother, killed Barnabas in a war. 

Joshua found some books to document his life experience in. He tells me that one day it will become history, that now that the world is rid of magic, it might end up as a fairytale, as some sort of fantasy. The final one, I suppose. He’s been reading a lot of books in this village, I’ve started to too. I wonder if I was a bookworm before I lost all my memories.

I wonder if it was the war that made the people here flee their homes. I wish I could’ve done something for them.

Tomorrow is another day. I will hope that I wake up in Joshua’s arms again, safe and warm. I’m so lucky to have him. I love you, Joshua.

Fifteen

“Who- Who are you!?” 

Joshua’s eyes snap wide awake as he lands on the wooden floor with a loud thump, the cold - something he’s never really been familiar with when was Phoenix - of the floorboards sears his skin. Joshua grimaces as he fully wakes up and looks up onto the bed at a very frightened Dion.

This is different. Joshua has always woken up before Dion at the start of a new day, at the start of a new cycle. But last night, Joshua was busy penning away at the book, noting everything down of importance so he can continue to leave a record - he tries to be as subjective as he can, including all the poetry he waxes of his Dion Lesage.

“What’s happening!?” Dion shrieks as he sits against the corner where the bed meets the corner of the wall. He grabs the beige blanket and uses it to cover his naked body, one in which Joshua was caressing with his charcoal stained fingers after all that writing.

Joshua frowns, that thin blanket does nothing to hide Dion from him. Joshua can see how well built Dion is underneath the thin blanket, he remembers. He knows. But he understands that it must make an amnesic Dion feel more secure.

“You’ve lost all your memories as a result of a war,” Joshua explains as he stands up and takes a step towards the bed to sit at the edge of the bed.

Dion twitches and tries to squeeze himself more into the corner of the wall, his eyes are wide and frightened.

Joshua stares into Dion’s eyes. He can’t remember ever seeing Dion’s eyes so afraid. They’ve always looked so resolved. “Your name is Dion Lesage.”

Dion’s lips parts and whispers, “Dion Lesage.”

Joshua nods. “And my name is Joshua Rosfield, I’m your husband.” He carefully reaches out to tug the blanket down from Dion so that he can gently place a hand softly over Dion’s trembling hands.

But Dion’s hands don’t stop trembling straight away. After a few breaths, he does as Joshua’s words sinks in. He whispers back to Joshua, “You’re Joshua Rosfield, my husband.”

Again, Joshua nods. “Yes, and I love you.”

Dion blinks rapidly as a beautiful blush honours his cheeks.

Joshua offers a smile, he waits for Dion to hold his hand back. “We’ve started a journal a couple of days back, would you like to read it?”

Shyly, Dion nods.

Reaching to the bedside table, Joshua grabs the leather journal Dion has been writing in and hands it to Dion. He lets go of Dion’s hand and instead chooses to sit next to Dion, close enough so that Dion can easily lean in if he needs to, but enough distance away so that they are more than just a few hair’s width from each other. Joshua practises his patience and self control. Just because he wants to hug Dion tightly right now doesn’t mean it’s appropriate.

There aren’t too many entries. It doesn’t take Dion too long to read through his notes.

Joshua looks at Dion’s face as he reads, appreciating the other’s beauty from a close proximity. He looks less afraid and more interested. Dion’s brows furrow as he concentrates on the diary entries.

Sixteen

Dion wakes up in a soft bed, in a warm embrace, against a sturdy chest, muscles chiselled from years of training and to gentle eyes looking at him.

“Who are you?” Dion asks. He can’t remember anything. His head is whirring, but nothing comes. He’s grasping, but he grasps at nothing.

“You’re Dion Lesage. I’m Joshua Rosfield, your husband. And I love you.”

Dion is speechless, his lips part slowly. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before he open them again to find the same pair of beautiful eyes looking at him.

“That’s why we’re naked,” Dion comments.

Joshua smiles, he wants to tell Dion that that was the case, but that’s a lie, and he doesn’t want to lie to Dion anymore. So Joshua tells the truth, “It’s easier to stay warm when naked.” It’s most of the truth. The other reason is because he just likes having Dion naked against him. “You’ve lost your memories, so you’ll find it rather confronting.”

Gently, Joshua brushes Dion’s fringe. He wishes they could stay like this forever. But there’s so much of Waloed he’d like for Dion to see. So much of Valisthea. And the world beyond. Joshua sits up and pulls Dion with him. 

Dion tries to not look . But he is curious. And they are married, so he looks through the gaps of his fingers that try to cover the embarrassment in his face. He really likes what he sees. He can feel his heart race and his skin burn. When he turns to look at Joshua, Joshua is looking at him kindly, Dion even supposes that he doesn’t mind being ogled by Dion. Dion reminds himself that they’re married.

“Here,” Joshua says as he hands Dion a book, “it’s a journal you’ve been keeping.”

Taking the book, Dion’s fingers run across the scaly cover.

“It’s made from the hide of a lindwurm,” Joshua supplies.

Dion hums as he opens the journal and reads. He learns a lot, though at this point in time, any learning is a lot for him. At least, he can feel how much the Dion from yesterday, the day before, and the day before that and so on, appreciates Joshua and this second chance . Dion closes the journal and turns to look at Joshua who watches him intently. Dion wonders if he will feel just as appreciative as the Dion in the past. 

He wonders if Joshua Rosfield is really looking at him, or whether he’s still looking at him - at Dion Lesage.

They end up foraging for food during the day as Joshua talks to Dion about the war . At night, they move to a different house and Joshua lights the fireplace, he teaches Dion step by step, Dion notes it all down in his thick journal. They sit by the fireplace at night, sides pressed to each other as they read.

It’s peaceful.

Dion hopes that it lasts.

Twenty Two

Two chocobo eggs sit in a woven basket when Dion picks it up. “Boiled egg today.” Dion takes the basket and heads into the kitchen. Joshua had told him that chocobos can sometimes be used as a means of transport, when, well trained. And apparently they serve as a good steak, and a good quill. 

Dion was watching some wild chocobos today, he likes the colours they come in. Joshua had even pointed out that they come in a lot more colours than just shades of yellow. Red for example. Dion gently touches the red scarf around his shoulders. He thinks of a chocobo as red as his scarf. It makes him smile, he would like to see that one day. Dion takes out his trusted lindwurm book and he flips through until he can find the recipe page. It doesn’t take much to boil two eggs. But he wants to do this right. He doesn’t want to fail Joshua.

As Dion watches the chocobo eggs boil, Joshua walks in with an arm full of dry branches.

“Joshua.” Dion immediately goes to Joshua’s side. “Are you hungry? The eggs are nearly done!”

Joshua places the firewood in a corner of the house they’re currently residing in. “Yes, of course.” He walks up to hold Dion by the waist.

“Joshua?” Dion asks as he glances over at the boiling eggs before looking back at Joshua.

“Can I kiss you?” Joshua asks bluntly.

Dion blinks rapidly and then nods. “Of course, we’re married.”

Joshua smiles, a tad sad, but he leans in, eyes closed and presses their lips together. When his fingers dig a bit deeper into Dion’s waist, Dion says nothing about it.

He wants more.

That night, they sit by the fireplace together, and they read. There’s a lot of books in Waloed, in this small abandoned town in which Joshua has never even heard of whilst he was roaming Valisthea with the Undying. He wants to absorb it all. Even before Origin, the two of them often read together in Joshua’s bedchambers at the Hideaway. They’d discuss the intricacies described in the books and how they could use that knowledge to help others.

It was always about others for them.

Neither of them had said it out aloud, but they both knew deep down due to their birthright, due to their status, due to their position, it would always be about others first, they could only ever be second best to each other.

“Joshua?” Dion’s small voice reaches Joshua. 

Joshua looks up from his book to look at Dion sitting beside him, “Dion? Would you like another kiss?”

Dion, as expected, blushes. He does close his eyes and he tilts his head to the side, a silent invitation for Joshua to kiss him. 

And Joshua does not let Dion down as he holds Dion’s face in his hands and then leans in to kiss Dion slowly. He takes his time, as though they have all the time in the world, as though Dion will remember this kiss when the new day arrives.

Dion whimpers when their lips part. And Joshua’s heart soars quickly at that beautiful sound.

He wants more.

“Can I have another?” Dion asks with glassy eyes.

“Of course.” Joshua presses their noses together. “We’re married.” Joshua then seals their lips together again. He strokes Dion’s lips with his tongue, loving how Dion clutches onto him. Joshua considers nipping Dion’s lips, but he doesn’t and instead lets his tongue do all the coercing.

Dion’s lips part for Joshua, their tongues meet and Dion’s eyes open wide at the new sensation. He’s frozen, he’s not sure what to do. Joshua pulls away to look at Dion and reassess the situation. “Dion, are you alright?”

“I’m just surprised.” Dion nods. “It felt soft.”

Joshua grins. “Did it feel good?”

Dion licks his lips.

Joshua suppresses a groan.

“Yes, I like it, I think.” Dion swallows thickly. “Can we try again?”

“Founder, yes.” Joshua swoops in and this time, he does nip Dion’s lips so that his tongue can enter Dion’s mouth.

It reminds Joshua of fervent kisses before their mission to set out for Origin.

Dancing tongues, plush lips and a comfort that makes Joshua forget all his worries.

In this moment, Joshua can admit easily that Dion is his priority. That Dion isn’t his second best.

Thirty Two

Tomorrow, they will depart this small village and start heading north in hopes to find another. Joshua is flipping through the last book he has found in the village, devouring it with ease as he flips through the pages with hyperfocus and attention to detail. Dion can tell that Joshua is an avid fan of books. And according to Joshua, Dion also loved books. Perhaps not as much though. Dion pens his diary entry besides Joshua diligently. He looks at his own handwriting, his neat cursive script, Dion knows that he must’ve had a very well educated upbringing. He doesn’t need Joshua to tell him that.

And more so than before, Dion is sure, that knowledge is power. Dion who now has mountains of knowledge to absorb through stacks of books in a day is a challenge. Dion feels that without the facts he reads, he knows not who he is. His identity is lost.

But Joshua is patient and answers all of Dion’s concerns. He is happy to share his knowledge and anecdotes. He holds onto Dion’s hand and pulls him back into reality.

Dion looks at Joshua working hard and he thinks - no, he knows, that he’s in love with the other.

With a full heart, Dion finishes his diary entry with his confession of love to Joshua. He closes his book gently and places it on the bedside table so that it is within reach when he wakes up the next day.

“Are you sleepy?” Joshua asks as he look at Dion who sat back down at the desk beside Joshua.

“Not in particular.” Dion slips his hand in Joshua’s own, hoping it’s ok. Joshua can still read with just one hand. Right?

Joshua doesn’t say anything, he holds Dion’s hand and laces their fingers together. He lifts their joined hands and kisses each of Dion’s finger tips. Their eyes meet and that’s when Joshua says, “We have the rest of forever together, Dion.”

Dion flushes and wonders if Joshua can say all of these lines because he’s well read. “How long is forever?” Dion asks Joshua.

“As long as always,” Joshua tells Dion before their lips meet in an anticipated kiss, “I’ll always love you, Dion.”

Joshua doesn’t lie to Dion.

Dion admires Joshua’s earnest dedication. He wants to believe that Dion Lesage is just as loyal, and just as admirable. A strange thought seeps into Dion’s head. He thinks it’s odd, but he asks, regardless, “Would you still love me even if I’m a lindwurm?”

A strange smile finds its place on Joshua’s face as he digests Dion’s question. The expression makes Dion feel funny, his stomach churns strangely at that mischievous smile. And then something clicks. “Have I asked this before?” He doesn’t remember ever seeing it in his diary.

Joshua laughs out loud now, his warm fingers wrap around the back of Dion’s neck as he pulls the other in for a fun kiss.

“Joshua,” Dion says breathlessly when he pulls away, their lips leaving feather light touches on each other, “you didn’t answer my question.”

“I know.” Joshua plays with the ends of Dion’s hair with his fingers. “It was a question you’ve asked me before. Before Origin.” 

“Oh.” Dion isn’t sure how to respond. That would’ve been Dion Lesage before he lost his memories. It makes Dion feel unsettled.

“I’m happy.” Joshua presses his lips on Dion’s again, “I’m so happy.”

Dion doesn’t want to disturb Joshua’s happiness, but for the rest of that night, he’s left wondering if Joshua would still love him if he was a lindwurm.

He’s rather sure that Joshua’s answer is yes .

Thirty Six

Joshua runs a finger across the sentence he had just read in a book he had found in this abandoned house. 

Head injuries .

It’s a case. One of the villages had suffered trauma to their head, resulting in a loss of memory. Sounds just like Dion. Joshua had found Dion with a head injury. The potion hadn’t healed his memories. Joshua wonders briefly whether his curaga would’ve been able to heal Dion’s memories.

The case detailed in the medical book finshes with the subject never regaining their memories.

Joshua closes the book with a heavy sigh.

Dion looks at him curiously with innocent eyes. “Is everything alright, Joshua?” Dion asks.

Joshua swallows thickly. He nods. He puts the book down and then goes to hold Dion’s hand to caress. He feels apologetic. But he can’t keep thinking about all the what ifs. He needs to focus on their time now and what he can do to keep things peaceful and enjoyable for Dion and himself.

There’s also recent history he needs to note down to pass on to the next generation.

Dion squeezes Joshua’s hand encouragingly. “Perhaps you need a break from reading?”

“Indeed,” Joshua agrees as he picks up the book he has been writing in and a pen.

“Oh.” Dion pouts. That’s not what he had in mine, but, well, from what he does know of Joshua, it does make sense. He smiles fondly at the other and decides to read his own book as Joshua writes his own.

When Joshua finishes writing up Part One of his auto-biography, Dion has a request.

“Would you read this book to me tonight?” Dion asks meekly as he holds the book Joshua has been painstakingly writing in for many nights.

“That’s my book.” Joshua states the obvious. He can’t hide his smile at Dion’s interest in it.

Dion nods to confirm that that is the book he would like to have read out to him tonight.

“I won’t be able to read through all of it tonight,” Joshua says sadly, “would that be alright?”

Again, Dion nods. “I just want to learn more about you through you.”

Joshua’s smile softens. He guides Dion to the bed beside the window so that the light of the moon flitters in and the stars can watch. Dion look out the window and sees Metia winking faintly.

“Let’s get comfy then.” Joshua ensures Dion is sitting comfortably and covered in enough blankets to be warm.

It’s a nice surprise when Dion slides his arm around Joshua’s arm so that he can squeeze himself closer to Joshua and then lean his head on Joshua’s shoulder.

Joshua’s heart races. It’s not unwelcome. It’s just been a while. Joshua remembers their nights before Origin, spent like this in bed. They’d talk quietly about all sorts of things, about how many feathers a chocobo has or whether anyone in Valisthea would find the stench of Morbol attractive.

And now, they’re reading Joshua’s book together.

“I really like your voice,” Dion tells Joshua as his eyes focus on the book in Joshua’s hands, “Thank you for doing this for me.”

Joshua tilts his head down slightly to leave a smooch on Dion’s head. And then he starts, his smooth voice lulling Dion into a sense of warmth and of safety.

Forty Five

It’s a warm night with a low breeze when Joshua sneezes and his nose wrinkles.

“Are you cold?” Dion asks as sits up from the field of grass, he lets go of Joshua’s hand so that he can remove the red scarf around his neck.

“No, I’m fine.” Joshua sits up as well and scoots closer to Dion. At the same time, he grabs Dion’s hands with care and places them on Dion’s lap, Joshua then fixes the red scarf wrapped around Dion. “I run hot.”

“That’s before the Phoenix left.” Dion lets Joshua fix his scarf. His fingers dart out to play with the hem of Joshua’s shirt aimlessly. “Perhaps you’re more sensitive to the cold now?”

“Perhaps.” Joshua links their hands and then pulls Dion back to lie in the field of grass so they can once again star gaze in peace. “I don’t feel the cold with you by my side though.”

Dion isn’t sure about that.

“Ideally,” Joshua looks at Dion and then leans in to whisper into Dion’s ear, “I would strip you naked here in this field, nothing warmer than body warmth.”

“What’s stopping you?” Dion asks, pretending to be unaffected by Joshua’s words or the warm breath against his sensitive ear. “There’s no one else here but us.”

Joshua laughs. Dion decides he loves the sound of Joshua’s voice, he loves Joshua’s laugh.

“The sky is watching,” Joshua says simply.

“Didn’t stop you after we fell from Origin.” Dion teases as he gains some confidence. He smiles at Joshua cheekily.

“No, that is true.” Joshua  smiles wide as he remembers all those nights without a roof to sleep under. “If you want me to strip you, all you had to do was ask, Dion.” Joshua swiftly straddles Dion and holds his other hand as well, pinning Dion effectively.

Dion’s blush darkens. “Don’t tease me Joshua.”

Joshua doesn’t say anything else as he simply leans down and smooches Dion. A long one and then some small peppered kisses just to remind them both that Joshua loves kisses. 

Fifty Nine

Joshua sees the signs of the curse on his skin in grey patches along his non-dominant arm as he lies in bed with Dion sleeping calmly in his arms. He immediately inspects Dion’s own arms, still well toned and so soft to touch, skin so silky smooth - Dion still remembers the taste of Dion’s skin against his lips. To Joshua’s relief, he finds no signs of the curse on Dion’s glowing skin. Joshua tries to curb his thoughts, he can feel his lower half standing up in excitement of what could be . He reminds himself over and over that even though Dion is his Dion Lesage, at the same time he isn’t. This Dion would unlikely wake up with mirth on his lips if his naked legs were spread wide open as Joshua eagerly mapped out his insides again.

Even though Dion is here with Joshua, right here in his arms, Joshua can’t help but occasionally yearn for his Dion Lesage.

Joshua again, banishes those thoughts, it won’t be a good start to the day if he can’t reassure Dion and calm him down when he wakes.

The two spend the afternoon foraging for mushrooms. Joshua is an encyclopaedia, he sketches out the mushrooms he harvested with Dion, Dion doing the same in his lindwurm book. Joshua shows Dion how to identify mushrooms to know that they’re safe to eat, and the hallmark signs of ones that are toxic, or worse, poisonous.

With the safe to eat mushrooms, they roast it over the fire.

And it’s whilst they’re eating their fire roasted mushroom that Joshua talks more about the curse. And how it’s inevitable that it will take their lives as Dominants.

Dion listens carefully and takes notes in his journal.

Joshua is fond of that look of concentration on Dion. He’s always felt Dion looked extra handsome with a book in hand. It’s good to see that he’s got more evidence to add to further his conviction that yes , Dion looks delectable.

That night, Joshua opens up another book, specifically Part Three of his detailed recount of the last twenty eight years. He starts penning down detail after detail. Dion sits next to him and reads The Tales of Barnabas Tharmr . It makes Joshua scrunch his nose up in distaste.

But they’re still in Waloed, so fair enough. Joshua does wonder, however, just how much of the details in that book is fiction . It’s true that King Barnabas Tharmr has achieved many things from a very young age. But, Joshua’s dislike for the other is evident.

And if Joshua’s dislike for King Barnabas Tharmr seeps into his objective recount of the times before Origin, then so be it.

After all, he can’t keep his hand from writing his very honest thoughts of Dion Lesage too much. He only barely manages to leave out how good Dion Lesage is at kissing, how elegant he is in bed, how sexy he is when he drinks water, how refined he looks as he caresses a Wyvern Tail, how beautiful he is under the light of the moon, how majestic his wings are as he soars beneath the starry sky, and how his smile lights up Joshua’s world and makes his heart burst in passion.

Joshua puts down his pen and looks at Dion. “Dion, can I kiss you?”

Shocked, Dion drops his book into his lap, and Joshua’s eyes follows, he bites his bottom lip and wills himself to concentrate on something else. Not Dion’s lap.

Maybe Dion’s lips.

“Of course, Joshua, we are married.” Dion smiles.

Joshua’s heart beats quickly at that dazzling smile. He wants Dion so much. Joshua takes the dastardly book Dion was reading and places it on the wooden table next to Joshua’s journal. Joshua pats his own lap and then looks at Dion.

Dion stares at Joshua’s lap for a moment before he then lifts his head to look at Joshua’s waiting eyes. He doesn’t feel uncomfortable by the idea, it’s just that, in all of his diary entries, he has never sat on Joshua’s lap.

They hold hands a lot. And they also kiss a lot. Dion has asked himself before why it’s never been anything more, they are married after all. But he knows the answer without asking. Dion knows best himself that he… he doesn’t really know completely and truly who he really is. The Dion Joshua Rosfield married isn’t him.

It’s Dion Lesage. Dion the Bold. Dion, the Eikon of Light. Dion, the Dominant of Bahamut. Dion, the Crown Prince of Sanbreque. Dion, His Imperial Highness. Dion, His Radiance.

Not Dion who has amnesia.

But Dion wants to know. He has read about it in books. He wants to experience it. “Are you sure, Joshua?”

Joshua looks at Dion with mild surprise, written in the lifting of his eyebrows.

It makes Dion doubt himself. It shows on the quiver of his bottom lip.

Joshua responds immediately. “Of course, I am sure.” He extends his arms out as an invitation for Dion to hop onto his lap.

“Will I not be heavy?” Dion asks as he stands from his chair and figures out how to best position himself on Joshua’s lap.

Joshua almost responds with ‘Have you forgotten who I am’ , but of course, Dion has very much forgotten. So it would’ve been an ill comment to respond so. Instead, Joshua wraps his arms around Dion’s waist and pulls Dion onto his lap, chest against chest, “No, you’re as light as a chocobo feather.”

“Don’t lie to me, Joshua.” Dion pouts. “No one can be as light as a chocobo feather.” Dion sits snugly on Joshua’s lap, he looks down onto Joshua and admires the other’s sandy blond hair.

Joshua laughs lightly, he lets his hands roam, stroking Dion’s back and side. He tilts his head back and beckons for Dion to lean in for kisses.

Dion does just as he is guided to, he leans in and concentrates on Joshua’s eyes as they meet for a kiss. It is only tame for the first few seconds, before Dion gasps when he feels a hand - Joshua’s hand pinch his butt cheek. The small gasp is all Joshua needs for his tongue to dart into Dion’s mouth and lick hungrily, tracing Dion’s perfect white teeth, appreciating the roof of Dion’s mouth, caressing the insides of Dion’s mouth and starting a new dance with their tongues.

To Joshua, this feels as good as their dream of soaring through the night skies together. With the stars as their backdrop. Joshua still dreams of those dreams. He knows that opportunity has long passed.

Joshua does not stop kneading Dion’s butt cheeks, he grabs and massages gently, loving the little squeaks Dion produces. Joshua loves how Dion reacts by lifting his hips, stilling and trembling, Joshua easily pulls Dion back onto his lap, their lips never disconnecting.

Dion steadies himself by gripping Joshua’s shoulders, his body doesn’t feel like his own anymore as he finds himself pressing into Joshua’s chest more, to touch more, but he lifts his hips up from Joshua’s lap because the touch there burns . But Joshua doesn’t let him go far before he’s sitting on Joshua’s lap again. He can feel Joshua’s excitement through their clothes. It’s long and hard. And it makes Dion tremble in a way that makes him feel so good.

He can feel his heart pulsate rapidly, as though it’s going to jump out of his ribcage and lay bare for Joshua to see. His mouth is preoccupied, and Dion feels Joshua swallow up all his moans, and all his gasps. Dion becomes bolder , he wants to explore Joshua’s mouth, he wants to make Joshua feel just as good and just as lightheaded.

Joshua is passionate as he holds Dion close, he wants to devour Dion. He wants all of Dion. And his patience is thin. With each passing second, Joshua feels like he’s losing his composure, his desires grow exponentially and when Dion grinds down onto his erection with his perky butt, Joshua stills with a groan.

With concern, Dion pulls his lips away and looks at Joshua with concern. “Joshua, are you alright?” He’s unsure why the other has frozen. Was it something he did? Perhaps he was interpreting this all wrongly. Perhaps what he knows of married couples is no longer accurate?

“Jolly Founder,” Joshua’s breaths are shaky as he speaks, “Dion, if you keep doing that I won’t be able to hold back.”

Dion isn’t completely sure what Joshua means by that - the kisses? Or is it… Dion presses himself more into Joshua, he rubs his buttocks on Joshua harder. It elicits a deep growl from Joshua as his eyes flash dangerously. His fingers dig deep into Dion’s plush cheeks. Dion swallows thickly. He knows for sure that he doesn’t want Joshua to hold back. “I don’t want you to hold back, Joshua,” says Dion as he accentuates Joshua’s name with each syllable.

“Goodness Gracious Greagor,” Joshua groans with his heart pumping very hard.

Dion raises his eyebrows. “That’s… you don’t say that.”

“It’s not the time to discuss that,” Joshua dismisses his slip of tongue as he holds Dion tightly and hoists him up as he makes way towards the bed. Dion instinctively wraps his legs around Joshua tightly as he realises there is so much of Joshua he does not know. Joshua was only in Rosaria for ten years, the Undying blessed him with knowledge from all over Valisthea, if sometimes he’s thinking of Greagor herself, than so be it. If sometimes he’s thinking of the Founder - which by default he normally does, then that is that.

“I’m heavier than you.” Dion holds onto Joshua tightly, he looks a bit sceptical at Joshua.

“Believe me.” Joshua presses his lips against Dion’s jaw line. “I’m also a warrior, Dion.”

Dion smiles knowingly as Joshua huffs loudly when he places Dion gently on their bed.

“Thank the Founder for my core strength,” Joshua says quietly as he defaults back to his earlier upbringing, and then smiles cheekily at Dion. He spreads Dion’s clothed legs and presses his face to the other’s crotch and inhales deeply. So familiar. So nostalgic.

“Joshua!” Dion exclaims in embarrassment as he tries to close his thighs.

Joshua looks at Dion with a sultry expression, “Dion, your husband is a pervert for you.”

“I didn’t know that.” Dion licks his lips.

Joshua purses his lips. He’s never mentioned it to Dion after Origin until now. He wasn’t sure how Dion without any of his memories would take it. Without any of their flirting and eye-fucking. And well, actual fucking.

He doesn’t want to scare Dion away though.

And he wonders just how much Dion knows about sexual intercourse.

Joshua remembers their first kiss, he remembers the first time they made love. He remembers everything about Dion.

This is a different type of first. One that Joshua wants to cradle like a newborn chocobo in his hands. One that is unknown, the same yet different, it contradicts every fibre between them but it is still them. Joshua’s hand shakes as he holds Dion, his conviction tips into every side as Joshau’s mind goes into overdrive with his map of convoluted thoughts and tries to assess the risk and benefits of this interaction.

He decides to fuck it .

A part of him reminds him that Dion won’t remember this tomorrow. So he can fuck him . Another part reminds him of his deep rooted admiration and love for Dion. So he cannot fuck it up .

Joshua unclasps Dion’s belt and motions for Dion to do the same for Joshua belt.

The lines of concentration on Dion’s face makes Joshua lick his lips, he watches as Dion’s nimble fingers goes to undo his belt with the practice of less than a day.

Joshua knows that he has good self control, even in his more youthful years, he only had his hand as aid. It wasn’t until he had Dion in his grasp that his desire ran rampant. He remembers the call of the Phoenix within him, demanding and desiring Bahamut on a level Joshua resonated with. He is certain that they’re meant to be together, he strongly agrees that there isn’t anything they can’t overcome together.

Except death. Their biggest fan. Their biggest supporter. But perhaps death is not to be overcome, but embraced. 

Joshua’s fingers halt as the thoughts of death seeps in. The curse is forming. Death is coming.

“Joshua,” Dion says breathlessly as his long fingers brush against the bulge in Joshua’s pants.

“Dion.” Joshua sucks in a deep breath of air at the other’s soft voice and fleeting touch. It’s been so long. He’s been wanting for so long. His limbs feel like they’re on fire, his heart won’t stop racing at the sound of Dion’s voice, his stomach churns delightfully at such a simple touch.

Joshua takes out his hard erection from his pants with a hiss. Dion watches with big eyes as Joshua’s erection stands tall from the attention, already leaking with want.

“Dion,” Joshua whispers as he then leans in towards Dion so that he can help Dion free his caged erection.

Dion’s hands tremble as they immediately fly over to his pants and he tries to help Joshua, but flails instead. It makes Joshua chuckle in amusement.

Joshua holds one of Dion’s thighs with his hand and he pushes it, spreading Dion open so that he can slot himself between Dion’s legs more easily. Dion’s legs part without resistance this time. He presses his chest against Dion’s chest, loving the burn he feels when their cocks align. He easily grabs both his and Dion’s in his hands and he squeezes them.

“Dion, hold and squeeze like I am.” Joshua squeezes their erections together for good measure, delighting in the blissful gaze Dion shoots him.

Dion’s hands tremble as he spreads his legs more, to make more room for Joshua. Dion wraps his hands around their cocks just as Joshua slips his hand away. He squeezes and immediately, a jolt of electricity runs down his spine, igniting a soft wanton moan to bless his lips.

“That’s it, Dion,” Joshua encourages with a sweet voice before he presses his lips on Dion’s own, as though he would die if he could not taste Dion. The intensity ramps as Joshua bites Dion’s lower lip, his fingers dig into Dion’s thigh and his other hand goes to have their fun with Dion’s nipple as Joshua continues to grind down onto Dion.

Dion gasps into their kiss, his brain almost unable to keep up with Joshua’s passion, he opens his mouth and Joshua dives in without hesitation to suck on his tongue, to caress, to knead and to love. He shakes under Joshua and doesn’t forget to tug and grip at their cocks in a pulsating rhythm. His breathing shortens from the pleasure.

Joshua’s grip on Dion’s thigh loosens and slips down so that he can grab a handful of Dion’s ass as he turns them both onto their side.

Dion yelps in the new position and his legs scramble to find a place of purchase on the bed, his feet slipping along the sheets.

Joshua doesn’t let Dion stay distracted for long as his lips hones into Dion’s lips again, never wanting to part, never wanting their kisses to end. Joshua squeezes Dion’s ass and jolts it to help Dion swing the leg attached to that butt cheek over and around Joshua’s hip.

When Joshua gathers some of the precum that has leaked all the way down to Dion’s butt crack, Dion whimpers. Joshua is persistent with kissing Dion as he brings his precum slicked fingers to probe at Dion’s entrance.

The tap on Dion’s entrance is enough to halt Dion in his actions, he freezes, his hands stop moving, he stops bucking into Joshua, his mouth is agape at the new sensation.

“Joshua, please,” Dion pleads as he choose to bury his head in Joshua’s neck as he curiously cants his hips, rubbing his entrance against Joshua’s long fingers experimentally.

Joshua groans at the other’s boldness and bashfulness. 

“I’ve got you, Dion.” Joshua presses one finger into Dion. The familiar sensation of Dion’s muscles gripping and pulling Joshua in hasn’t changed. It brings Joshua relief he didn’t even know he needed. It was nonsensical that Dion’s body would change just because he has lost his memories. And the tangible evidence spread out here for Joshua is more than he needs to know that Dion is his. Joshua is methodical as he stretches Dion open, small shallow thrusts that build up slowly multiple fingers thrusting in, hooking and exploring, scissoring and mapping out Dion’s passage.

Dion whines and whimpers, his hands have stopped gripping their leaking cocks and instead have come up to wrap around Joshua’s neck as he buries his head in Joshua’s neck too, his warm breath tickles Joshua’s ears, his sounds of pleasure are only for Joshua’s ears. Dion grinds his hips occasionally, enjoying the shift of fingers within him and the slide of their erections together. He feels good. He likes feeling this good. He tells himself that he’s allowed to feel this good with Joshua Rosfield. He reminds himself that they’re married. That they’re in love… That Joshua Rosifled and Dion Lesage are in love.

That he, as just a fragment of Dion Lesage, can have this moment that is just his, not Dion Lesage’s moment, but his .

When Joshua pushes Dion back onto his back, Dion feels waves of uncertainty intertwine with his pleasure. He starts wondering if it’s really alright to do this with Joshua, Joshua who is devoted and whole-heartedly loves Dion Lesage.

Dion feels like a thief of sorts. As though he has taken Dion Lesage’s husband from him.

Tears well in his eyes as his thoughts pierce him and stun him. The tears flow silently.

“Dion,” Joshua calls softly as he removes his fingers from Dion’s entrance and instead cradles Dion’s face and kisses his tears away, “Dion, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?”

Dion doesn’t know how to tell Joshua that they aren’t in love. That he isn’t the Dion Lesage he loves.

Because it should be obvious, Dion knows close to nothing, he can’t remember anything . He can’t remember Joshua’s touches, he can’t remember their marriage, he can’t remember their times together, he isn’t the man who soared in the skies with him to fell a deranged mass of evil.

He doesn’t know who he is.

Joshua wraps his arms around Dion tightly, he runs his fingers through Dion’s hair and pets him tenderly, hoping to give some comfort to the other.

Dion’s arms snake around Joshua’s back and he grips the other's back tightly as he lets his tears soak into Joshua’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Joshua.”

I’m not who you want.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Dion.” Joshua pats Dion’s head gently. Perhaps his gut instincts were right, it’s too soon. Joshua had let his desires cloud him. He had let his ache for Dion hurt Dion himself.

Dion shudders. How can Joshua be so kind to him. So patient with someone who has taken his love from him. It isn’t fair. He doesn’t deserve these kind touches, and words of comfort. He doesn’t deserve Joshua’s eyes on him.

They belong to Dion Lesage.

But, if in this moment that is his, if he can let Joshua feel loved, if he can ease the other’s burdens and sorrows.

After all, the only thing that is Dion Lesage’s is this body Joshua craves.

And if Dion can take pleasure from this, for himself, not for Dion Lesage, then he will not tell a soul.

Dion lifts his head from Joshua’s shoulder, his hand moves from Joshua’s back to pressing intimately against Joshua’s chest.

Joshua looks at Dion with great concern, his brows furrowed more than Dion thinks he deserves. For this man, Dion thinks he can’t let his selfishness shroud it all, for Joshua Rosfield, he can pretend to be Dion Lesage.

“Joshua,” Dion whispers as he tilts his head back and stretches his elegant neck so that he can press his lips on Joshua’s own, sweet, short and full of his new found conviction. “I… I’m ready now.”

Joshua stares at Dion, calculating, assessing, looking for anything that could be amiss. “You don’t have to, Dion.” Joshua is gentle as he dips his head to press a mirroring kiss on Dion’s lips. 

“I want to,” Dion responds, he stresses his words, he bucks his hips up to let Joshua know of what he wants.

Conflict is written across Joshua’s face, Dion’s fresh tears not only mark Joshua’s shoulder, but is fresh in Joshua’s memories.

“Please,” Dion whines as he bucks his hips more, rubbing their erection together, he can feel the muscle of his entrance spasm, not quite comfortable with being empty after it was so passionately stretched open. “Joshua, please, I need you.”

Joshua’s pants as he watches Dion, as he hovers above Dion and lets Dion thrust his hips to rub their cocks together, he watches Dion without blinking as Dion writhed beneath him, begging and pleading in his sweet voice. For a moment, Joshua swears he could see the wings of Bahamut blink and tense,he could see Bahamut’s tail swish back and forth, waiting for the Phoenix to finally give in to the pleasure.

But that almost seems like another lifetime.

“If you’re sure,” Joshua tells Dion.

Dion nods enthusiastically.

Joshua grabs Dion’s cheeks and spreads them wide open, he doesn’t need to look to know that Dion’s hole will be winking at him in anticipating, following the same rhythm as Dion’s breathing. Joshua presses the head of his cock against Dion’s entrance, by now, it’s with practiced ease. He could do this in the dark - they have before.

Dion gasps as the blunt head of Joshua’s large cock presses inside of him. He has no memories, so he can’t remember. He has nothing to compare it to. He burns. And each slide of Joshua in him tilts his world. It feels hot and it feels heavy, not in an uncomfortable way, in a way that feels foreign.

“Tight,” Joshua mutters as he gathers his strength and pushes the rest of his erection into Dion with a huff.

A silent scream tears through Dion as Joshua pierces him. His back arches up and his limbs tense up before quivering. He feels as though Joshua has reached depths he didn’t even know he had. Dion swears he can feel Joshua all the way to the back of his throat.

His intrusive thoughts don’t leave him, instead they swarm around him, whispering to him about how all of this isn’t really his. It belongs to the Dion Lesage who Joshua loves.

Dion looks at Joshua’s face to find the other’s eyes are scrunched up close. His brows are furrowed in deep concentration, his thin lips pursed, making them look even thinner. Dion’s heart aches as he looks at Joshua, he has Joshua right here, yet no matter how much he loves Joshua, he won’t remember tomorrow. He is only left with the knowledge that the one Joshua loves is Dion Lesage who is no longer tangible.

Oh, all the things Dion would trade so that Dion Lesage could return. If it meant the end of his existence, so be it, at least, he knows, nothing would make Joshua happier.

Tears flood his eyes again, leaving his vision blurry. Dion closes his eyes in defeat. Instead he tries to focus on Joshua’s cock inside of him.

“Dion,” Joshua says softly as a hand cups Dion’s face.

Dion opens his eyes, he blinks multiple times, trying to shed his tears for clearer vision. Joshua wipes Dion’s tears without judgement.

“Does it hurt, Dion?” Joshua asks.

Everything aches . Dion shakes his head.

“That’s good.” Joshua smiles.

And Dion’s lips tremble at the other’s smile. He can do this. He can pretend to be Dion Lesage if it means Joshua will smile like that. Smile as though the world is in his palms. Smile as though nothing else matters except each other.

That’s a lie . Dion tries to push out his insecurities. Even if just a fragment, he is still a part of Dion Lesage. “Do you feel good, Joshua?” Dion asks, he is nervous for the answer.

“Yes,” Joshua says breathlessly. “I always feel at my best with you.”

Dion bites his bottom lip. He doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he nods.

“Hold onto my shoulders,” Joshua tells Dion.

Obediently, Dion places his hands on Dion’s shoulders. He moans when Joshua’s hands grab his waist tightly and hold him down on the bed.

“Wrap your legs around me,” Joshua instructs Dion.

As Dion wraps his legs around Joshua, his position shifts a little and he can feel Joshua move inside of him. It feels strange, but not unwelcome. He gasps at the repositioning and he wants to feel it again, to get a better judge on whether he likes that movement or not.

So, Dion moves his hips again, he twists it and feels Joshua’s cock move inside of him again. It feels better. And Dion moves his hips again, canting up - but only so far with Joshua’s hands on his waist. It feels good.

Joshua watches Dion with glee. “Feeling good, Dion?”

Dion blushes. He looks at Joshua meekly.

Joshua holds Dion down with pressure as he thrusts into Dion. His movements are succinct and sharp. It’s obvious that this is not Joshua’s first time. And Dion knows that. They’re married. Dion pants as Joshua continues to slap his balls against Dion’s perky ass. Pushing in slowly and deep.

Dion’s whimpers as he feels the heat in him expand. He bares his neck for Joshua to lick and nip at. He can feel his muscles spasm around Joshua’s shaft, wanting to keep Joshua there and rubbing up against him. His own cock jolts rhythmically with Joshua’s thrusts, leaving more wetness pooling between their stomachs. The heat of his precum burns him and cools just as quickly.

The sounds between them are obscene. Joshua’s thrusts move from slow to a more moderate paste, his tempo increasing with his lust as he watches Dion come undone on his cock.

Dion whimpers out Joshua’s name in chants, as though Joshua’s name is a prayer. He twists under Joshua’s hands and grinds himself on Joshua’s cock. He desires so much more yet his thoughts are a cruel vice, filling him with insecurities and less than savoury thoughts.

Joshua adjusts Dion in his hands and the angle in which he penetrates Dion changes, it shifts for the better as Joshua can now reach deeper into Dion. It pulls out a strangled moan from Dion, his thighs clench tightly at the new position. Joshua groans at how tightly Dion’s insides grab him, sucking him in, guiding him deeper into the wet warmth.

As Joshua’s pace increase, he thrusts in and out of Dion more, he pulls his cock almost all the way out before he slams back into Dion, enjoying watching Dion’s back arch every time and shaking some cum out of Dion’s cock.

Dion swears he can see stars as Joshua continues to make a mess of Dion’s insides. His fingers press into Joshua’s back, he wonders if he will leave red blossoms over Joshua’s back. Perhaps. His walls squeeze tightly around Joshua, making each slide of Joshua’s cock against Dion’s walls excruciatingly pleasurable.

Joshua leans back and looks at Dion speared on his cock beneath him. It feels like it’s been a long time. But Joshua knows it’s only because he had recently gotten use to the presence of Dion physically back in his life again.

Dion looks debauched, drool trickles down his lips, his neck glowing in marks Joshua had left, his hair tousled messily and his eye glazed over in lust as he meets Joshua’s eyes. Dion’s moans are wanton, he is loud and he is affectionate.

But it’s not enough, Joshua wants more, he picks up his pace, setting a punishing rhythm as he plunges in and out of Dion hastily, their fluids mixed as Dion’s back arches more, giving Joshua access to an angle that leaves Dion dizzy with pleasure.

“I love you, Dion,” Joshua confesses as his hips slam passionately into Dion over and over.

Dion reaches his release and he stills, his body in Joshua’s hands as his heavy cock leaks and he rides out his orgasm with Joshua using him as he pleases.

Love . Dion wants to close his eyes, but he doesn’t, he looks into Joshua’s eyes and he wants to tell the other that he too, loves Joshua.

But it’s not him in which Joshua wants to hear that from.

Dion watches Joshua’s face of concentration as he grips tightly onto Dion, he lifts more of Dion off the bed so he can change the angle of his thrusts again. Dion whimpers, the pleasure building again. The thickness of Joshua in him, the depths he reaches in him, the slickness of his passage, and the swollen rim that now pulsates and spasms sporadically drives Dion to tears of pleasure.

He convinces himself again. He can pretend to be Dion Lesage. A married couple in love.

Dion lets his hands tremble down to Joshua’s arms, gripping with some strength. He looks into Joshua’s eyes and tells him, “I love you too, Joshua.”

Dion means it.

And he thinks he knows enough to know that Dion Lesage feels the same way.

Joshua groans loudly as his hips still, his pulsating cock is nestled deep inside of Dion as he reaches his climax and releases inside of Dion, his seed searingly hot as it travels into the depths of Dion. His smile is wide as he looks at Dion with fondness so great, Dion almost feels blinded.

Dion moans quietly, his head tilts to the side, but he maintains eye contact with Joshua.

He wants to remember this moment, not just today, but tomorrow, and the day after, and forever, the look of bliss and happiness on Joshua’s face when Dion Lesage tells him he loves him. 

Dion wants what he can not have.

Even though the brain has forgotten, the muscles have not.

Joshua slips out of Dion with a grunt, masking the soft moan Dion lets escape, he can feel Joshua’s cum flush through him. Dion feels empty. Emptier than he did before.

Even as Joshua places peppered kisses all over him, Dion feels disgraced. He had pretended to be someone he isn’t. He had soiled someone else’s husband. He had tainted those pure memories and affection.

He isn’t a fragment of Dion Lesage. He’s an empty shell.

Dion does not pen any of his unsavoury realisations into his lindwurm diary.

Sixty

Joshua yawns as he wakes up. He feels refreshed. It would be nice to wake up like this every morning. Dion sleeps in his arms quietly. The same as almost every other morning. Joshua hums quietly in content as he remembers last night. But his heart sinks when he remembers that Dion would know nothing about that except of what he had written in his lindwurm book. And perhaps all the hickeys and marks that decorate their skin as the only evidence of last night’s activities.

“Good morning, Dion, my love.” Joshua whispers into Dion’s hair as he presses his lips gently on Dion’s head. 

Dion sighs softly and wiggles in Joshua’s arms. He slowly opens his eye and squints at Joshua, as though Joshua is the one glowing.

A non-committal sound escapes Dion as he looks at Joshua longer and his eyes widen slowly. “Who are you?”

Joshua is prepared for this question. He’s had many days of practice after all. “Your name is Dion Lesage. I’m Joshua Rosfield, your husband. And I love you.”

Dion blinks a few times as the information processes. “That’s why my buttocks are aching,” Dion mutters.

Dion’s mutter reaches Joshua’s ears, leaving him blushing madly. His fingers fidget as his brain tries to conjure a way to explain all of this in the simplest way possible without pushing Dion into any unnecessary anxiety for the day.

“I can’t remember anything.” Dion frowns as he sits up with Joshua’s help as he continues to sputter and wonders how to best explain all of this .

“You’ve lost all your memories,” Joshua says as kindly as possible. This , he is use to explaining. His hand automatically goes to grab Dion’s lindwurm journal and he hands it to Dion, “you’ve kept entries for most of the days since you’ve lost your memories.”

“Most?” Dion asks as he takes the book from Joshua and stats reading.

“Yes, we didn’t have access to much when you first lost your memory after the war.” Joshua’s expression falls as he remembers all that has been lost because of Ultima.

“I see.” Dion glances at Joshua and then leans in towards the other.

Joshua stays still and watches Dion with interest.

“Good morning, Joshua,” Dion says and then presses his lips on Joshua’s cheeks. He then turns back to his diary as though it were normal and continues to skim through the entries.

Joshua is speechless as he holds his now even more flushed cheek in amazement as he stares at Dion. The stray thought of fucking Dion senseless every night so that he can wake up to sweet morning kisses makes a home in Joshua’s thoughts. Could this perhaps be a new loop? “G-good morning, Dion,” Joshua eventually says and he copies Dion, leaning in to press his lips on Dion’s cheeks.

It leaves Dion smiling.

And Joshua watches with fascination as he feels like his world is complete.

But, he remembers the curse surfacing on his skin and Joshua’s heart comes back down to Waloed. He will soon be gone. Leaving Dion here, by himself. Grief drowns him and is a cruel reminder of his reality.

The ticking of the clock is a countdown.

Every morning, Joshua is torn. But one look at Dion, at his smile, and Joshua’s resolve is strengthened again.

Seventy Two

The sight of the grey stone patches on Joshua’s arm doesn’t surprise Joshua anymore. They do look a bit larger than a few days ago. He knows it spreads, he shouldn’t be surprised. He’s had his whole life to accept this. Yet, with Dion in his arms, his heart wavers.

When Joshua’s eyes land on the hint of grey growing on Dion’s arm, his heart sinks.

Of course, Dion was also a Dominant. He was also an Eikon. He soared over the skies of Valisthea more times than one can count. Dion primed over and over again, Joshua knows that, even in the last moments they had together at Origin, they were primed.

Joshua holds Dion impossibly closer, if only he could save Dion as well. 

This time.

He really wants to.

“We match,” Dion tells Joshua as he lines up their naked arms, patches of grey spread out between them, more on Joshua’s than Dion’s.

Joshua sucks in a breath. “Yes.”

Dion ponders aloud, “I wonder if we’ll be together even in death.”

“Of course.” Joshua elbows Dion lightly, “Forever, always.”

Dion traces the grey patches on Joshua’s arm and looks at it with furrowed brows.

“What are you thinking about?” Joshua asks Dion.

Dion doesn’t stop tracing the spreading patches of grey. “I just thought that, if it wasn’t for what this all means, it’s rather beautiful.”

Joshua holds Dion’s chin with his non grey arm, “You’re the most beautiful.”

Dion flushes and huffs lightly. He knows Joshua tells him that often, it’s written in his lindwurm diary. He believes it. But to Dion, Joshua is the most beautiful.

Does anyone tell Joshua that?

“You’re the most beautiful to me,” Dion tells Joshua honestly.

Joshua gives Dion a wry smile. “Thank you, Dion.” It feels different when Dion tells him now, Dion who has no memories, and has seen no one else but Joshua. Compared to Dion Lesage before he lost his memories. Nevertheless, Joshua is happy. To be able to hold the most beautiful person in the world in his arms, to be able to card through his hair, to be able to kiss his plump lips, to be married to him, to be able to call him his own .

Eighty Eight

It’s a wet and rainy morning when Joshua finds himself cleaning his stubble. It reminds him of his father, and of his brother. He’s never asked Dion whether he preferred him with or without a beard. He wonders.

Dion sits with his knees drawn in and chin resting on his kneecaps as he watches the rain outside. He looks mesmerised.

The fire is lit and Joshua checks to make sure they have enough firewood to last at least a week if the rain does continue. But the rain seems light, he believes it shouldn’t go into the night. But sleeping with the sound of rain throughout the night is very soothing, and Joshua thinks it would be nice if Dion could experience that.

“What are you thinking about?” Joshua asks Dion as he takes a seat next to Dion, pressing their shoulders together intentionally.

Dion doesn’t flinch, but he does look over at Joshua and replies simply, “You.”

Joshua raises his eyebrows. He admits he does like that attention from Dion. How could he not? He desires and thirsts for it like a dehydrated man in the Dhalmekian desert. “Me?”

Dion nods, “I was wondering how the Phoenix will fare soaring in a sky with falling water.”

“Rain,” Joshua corrects.

“Rain,” Dion repeats. “But a waterfall is falling water in reverse.”

Joshua suppresses a laugh. “A little rain couldn’t dampen my flames. Even the ocean can not douse my flames.”

Dion hums in curiosity. 

“Just like how the night sky can never shroud your beauty.” Joshua smiles.

Dion smiles and looks back at the rainy sky. “I like the sound of rain.”

“I do too.” Joshua sighs, “It is always a promise of something good to come. As a child, I enjoyed the puddles left after the rain. I use to play in them with Torgal - the family pet.”

Dion squeezes his knees closer to himself. “Do you think there will be puddles left after today’s rain?”

Joshua shrugs as he leans back, supported with his outstretched arms behind him, he looks at the curve of Dion’s neck. It’s beautiful. “I’m sure there will be. If not, we can make our own puddles to play in.”

“Play.” Dion says whimsically as though he’s never said that word in his entire life. Not that he’d remember.

Joshua sits back up with a straight back, he wraps an arm around Dion’s shoulder - so warm, he squeezes Dion’s shoulder. “I could tackle you into the puddle and kiss you senseless kind of play.”

Dion frowns and turns to look at Joshua with concern. “Is that how you played with Torgal?”

Joshua laughs and shakes his head, “Torgal was very fond of me. But I mainly just rolled around in the mud and then got in trouble with the maids and occasionally with my mother.”

Dion’s frown turns into a smile. “I think I like your first description of play more.”

It was night by the time the rain let up. 

Joshua and Dion laughed plenty as they tackled each other into puddles, kissing each other senseless.

Ninety

Joshua tries to flex his non-dominant arm, the curse is spreading faster. He looks out towards the horizon, there’s still so much left of the land he wants to explore with Dion. He wants to show Dion where he was born. He wants to show Dion where they were married, where they met again 18 years later. Joshuwa wants to plant a field of Wyvern Tails for Dion. They could harvest them and share them with everyone else. They could lie in the fields of Wyvern Tails and stargaze, talking stories from the old times, and adventures of the future.

He wants to introduce Dion to his family again, to Clive - Joshua closes his eyes, he wonders whether Clive’s curse is also advancing like his. He wants Dion to meet Jill again. And Torgal. And everyone else at the Hideaway. Though it seems with the way things are heading, Joshua is more likely to introduce Dion to Elwin again.

But with this curse progressing, Joshua knows that he shouldn’t travel any farther. That this house here they’re living in in this abandoned village in Waloed will be his final resting place.

When Joshua walks back into the house, Dion is looking at the family trees Joshua had drawn out once upon a time in a different village of Waloed. He’s not surprised it’s mostly abandoned. After what he saw with Clive the last time he was here.

“Joshua,” Dion greets happily as he turns around to look at Joshua.

Joshua returns the smile and automatically links their hands, fingers intertwining naturally. Dion’s warmth is reassuring. He turns his attention to the family trees. His eyes trace out his name and Dion’s and the line between them.

It isn’t the first time Joshua has wondered what their children would be like, if they had children. From a young age, it was heavily assumed that they would both die on the battlefield. And then the next Dominant will be born.

Joshua thinks that their child would be as chivalrous and as generous as Dion. Perhaps their thirst for knowledge would be more similar to Joshua.

But, of course, it’s just a fleeting dream in a period filled with bloodshed.

“Your mother,” Dion starts quietly as he gently touches the name Anabella Rosfield on the family tree. “She became my step-mother.” Dion then traces the line connected to his father but stops in the middle and traces down to the son between Sylvestre and Anabella. “I have a younger brother.”

“Indeed.” Joshua agrees, “My younger step-brother.”

Dion looks at Joshua’s contemplative face. He then looks back at the family tree, “I wonder if he looked like you or me.”

Joshua scrunches up his nose in distaste. He shakes his head. “No one is more beautiful than you.”

Dion gives Joshua a fond but exasperated look. “That’s not what I -  I was just wondering what he looks like.”

“Looked like,” Joshua corrects automatically.

Dion’s expression hardens. That’s right. His finger then jumps to Clive’s name and traces his name. He wonders if Dion Lesage had wanted a fiercely protective older brother who would always be on his side.

“Dion,” Joshua calls for the other and brings their joined hands up to his lips and he caresses the back of Dion’s hand with his lips. “Don’t feel lonely, I am here.”

Though, Joshua knows, not for much longer. But in this moment, for today, he is here for Dion.

“Thank you Joshua,” Dion says kindly. He knows that Joshua’s curse is advancing. And so is his own. In the near future, they won’t be here studying family trees or out there exploring Waloed. Dion squeezes Joshua’s hand tightly. He doesn’t need an older brother or a younger brother when he has Joshua right here with him. His pillar of support, his husband. “Can I kiss you, Joshua?”

“Yes, please.” Joshua says with bright eyes, but he doesn’t let Dion act first as he tugs Dion close and plants his lips on Dion’s own.

One Hundred

Joshua doesn’t look at the petrification of his non-dominant hand. He can’t move it. Instead, he wants to keep his eyes on Dion. His lovely Dion who is looking at him with grave concern and tears welling in his eyes.

“Joshua, the curse is progressing.” Dion’s distress is evident in his facial expressions and his voice.

“It’s alright, Dion,” Joshua grabs Dion’s hand tightly in his own.

Dion squeezes back tightly and cries, “You were the one who told me that once one arm turns to stone, before the day ends, the body will all be stone.”

Joshua manages to huff a little in small laughter, “I was the one who told you everything .”

“Don’t go, Joshua,” Dion pleads.

“I’m sorry, Dion.” Joshua lets go of Dion’s hand so that he can wipe Dion’s tears of pain. Seeing Dion’s sad face is so much more painful than the advancement of the curse. Joshua would trade everything to rid of Dion’s pain and suffering. 

“I am the one who is sorry, Joshua,” Dion says in between sobs. 

“I… was born a sickly child,” Joshua tells Dion as he tenderly caresses Dion’s wet cheeks. “I always knew that I would not live long. And as a Dominant, the curse runs through us. It was just another thing that was killing me.” Joshua coughs and Dion immediately fusses over Joshua.

Dion places a hand over Joshua’s hand which is still cupping Dion’s flushed cheek. “Joshua, please, don’t speak, it’s hurting you.”

Joshua blinks slowly, “No, I want to tell you, Dion, that before Origin, as I was dying with every breath with the fate of Valisthea hanging by a thread, I was never afraid of dying, I would happily trade my life for that of the greater good.”

Dion pouts, his tears flowing out more. His lips trembles as he listens to Joshua speak.

“But, now…” Joshua’s hand jolts as his breathing starts becoming irregular, his chest heaves deeply, his fingers slide to the back of Dion’s neck and with great effort, he pulls Dion in close to himself. “Now that I have you here by my side every day, enjoying the peace we have created together, being able to spend time with you like this and to know that this happiness is not borrowed…” Joshua gulps loudly.

Dion whimpers, already knowing what Joshua wants to say. He presses their foreheads together and they look into each other eyes - the window of each other’s soul.

Silent tears fall from Joshua’s eyes, “I’m afraid to die now,” he admits with fear flickering within him. “I’m afraid of how short our forever is. I’m afraid to lose you, to lose what we have. I’m afraid of how lonely you’ll feel without me telling you every morning and every night how much I love you, Dion.”

“Do not worry, Joshua,” Dion says quietly as he wipes Joshua’s tears, “for I will join you soon.”

This raises alarm bells for Joshua. “No, do not join me soon, Dion.” He wonders why the curse didn’t surface earlier, its roots were all already there. Perhaps, fate had decided that Dion needed some extra help, that the only angel to walk through Valisthea can’t be left alone even after Origin.

Right now, Dion is here to alleviate Joshua’s pain as his body succumbs to the curse. Joshua worries for how Dion will fare when his body eventually succumbs to the curse.

“Please show me your smile,” Joshua begs, “your smile lights up my world, Dion.”

Dion sniffs and he tries, he smiles. For Joshua. Joshua makes him feel special, Dion wants to make Joshua feel special too. Dion’s smile widens, quivering slightly, but it widens.

Joshua returns Dion’s smile. 

The flame of light flickers out of Joshua’s crystal blue eyes. He dies looking at his favourite person, looking at his favourite smile.

“Joshua?” Dion asks, his tears flowing again as realisation sinks in. “Joshua?” Dion asks again, his voice shaky.

Dion is frantic. “I need to write this down.” He knows what he must do. Dion wants to grieve his loss. He wants to mourn. But he can’t. His voice is panicked, “I will forget tomorrow. I must write this down.”

With tears streaming down his cheeks and hands shaking, Dion writes down Joshua’s death into his lindwurm journal. He will relive this moment every day until he is fortunate enough to join Joshua once the curse takes him too.

Dion’s chest feels tight. It hurts, he wants to pull all the pain out.

That night, Dion cries into Joshua’s stone chest. His voice muffled by stone. His body shakes. Eventually, lethargy takes him as Metia vanishes from the starry sky.

One Hundred and One

Dion wakes with a start. It’s cold. He looks around in confusion. His head throbs. Next to him is a statue. Odd . “Where am I?”

A beautiful journal sits next to him on his other side. Dion traces the scales on it and decides to flip it open.

Your name is Dion Lesage.

My name is Joshua Rosfield, I’m your husband.

And I love you.

Dion frowns but he keeps reading. He learns a lot. By the time he reaches the final page that has writing in it, he’s in tears. And most of all, he learns the statue he had slept next to last night, is none other than his husband, Joshua Rosfield who loves him.

Dropping the journal onto the bed, Dion turns his gaze onto Joshua. All stone. Just stone. None of the soft and warm touches described in Dion’s diary. Dion hesitantly reaches out to hold Joshua’s stone hand in his own. “Thank you for loving me, Joshua.”

The hard work Joshua has poured into his factual recount of the battles before Origin sits on the desk Dion can imagine Joshua hunched over nightly. Dion can see himself sitting next to Joshua as he read Joshua’s words carefully. He wishes he remembered Joshua’s voice - Deep and smooth, igniting a flame in my depths - was what he had once described it as. He wishes that Joshua was still here to read him the the recount every night. But now. Dion picks up Part One of Joshua’s tale, he will have to read it himself.

Dion spends the rest of the day reading Joshua’s historical retelling of his life. It’s a biography. Joshua’s final words on paper. It seems unreal to Dion. Something he couldn’t even fathom, were it not for the fact that he had written similar tales in his own diary.

“Just like a fantasy novel.” Dion sighs as he traces his fingers across Joshua’s handwriting. “So fleeting.” Dion wants the whole of Valisthea to read Joshua’s biography. He wants them all to know just how much Joshua is a hero. To know their story.

One Hundred and Four

Dion looks at the map on the wall. There’s a bright red circle over where Joshua thinks they are in Waloed. There’s no way for Dion to determine that. He doesn't want to leave Joshua here by himself, alone, it must be lonely. If only esuna could cure Joshua’s petrification. But Dion knows petrification is not the best description for the curse, this curse is so much more complicated than petrification . Joshua had documented well the consequences of using magic for a long period of time.

And Esuna is a spell from magic that seems to no longer exist. Dion had found it in a book he was combing through earlier today.

But his eyes do wander over to the rest of Valisthea. To Sanbreque, Joshua wrote down that’s where Dion grew up. And Rosaria - that’s where Joshua grew up.

Dion wants to go. He wants to know more about Joshua. He wants to know more about himself. 

In Joshua’s recount of his days, he’s mentioned a lot of people, Dion wants to meet them all. He wants to speak to them, he wonders what their voice sounds like, he wonders what they like to eat, he wants to know it all.

He traces Joshua’s map with his fingers, hovering over names and trying to sound them out. He wonders if he’s pronouncing it correctly. They all sound so foreign.

Even the names Joshua Rosfield and Dion Lesage sound foreign to him. But he reads it a lot in his diary and in Joshua’s books. It sounds less and less foreign with every time he sees those names.

Dion eventually parts with the map as he walks to the row of books sitting on the wooden desk. Dion pulls out Part Two of Joshua’s books. There are small leaflets sticking out with notes written on them in Dion’s script. He had left notes for himself, references, things that pique his interest for the day. He won’t remember tomorrow anyway, but at least today, he can read what seems most interesting to him.

“It’s almost like I’ve set out chapters to your detailed records of recent Valisthean history.” Dion says out loud even though there is no one else but him in the house.

Dion feels a great sense of loss as he reads Joshua’s retelling of his life story. It’s an odd sensation because he almost has nothing, so there is nothing to lose. But there’s a hollow ache within him every time he reads Joshua’s books.

Eventually, Dion places the book back where it was sitting and instead he runs his fingers across the spines of the stacks of books littered in the room. Dion wonders how many he has read. He wonders if Joshua has read them all or not - probably not, it seems, according to their diary, they set out to a new village after Joshua has read all the books in the village they currently reside in.

How many of those hundreds and hundreds of books has Dion read?

Dion takes a seat as he stares at the books. Valisthea is vast, but there is a world outside of Valisthea. He unconsciously taps the parts of his arms that are already stone. He hums to himself an unfamiliar tune as he thinks about all the knowledge in the books that sit in the same room as him. The books will keep for many moons to come. But Dion will soon turn to stone, just like Joshua.

He isn’t despondent. He isn’t in despair. Dion is just hollow. If he could even be just a fragment. Dion turns his head to look at the bed, to look at Joshua who is now all stone. 

That man had made the Dion from the diary entries feel wonderful. He’d made Dion feel all sorts of emotions. But now, as Dion sits on the floor of a room covered in books, letters and drawings of moogles, he feels emotionless.

Odin could come and ask him for a waltz right now and he wouldn’t even blink. Ultima could wipe out Valisthea as most know it now and Dion knows he wouldn’t even flinch.

“Chivalrous? Bold?” Dion shakes his head as he looks at his own hands. Baseless rumours, legends. “How fictitious.”

One Hundred and Ten

Dion looks at the chocobos. He adjusts his red scarf in nervousness. He has harvested one of their eggs, it’s boiling, but he feels absent-minded.

The lindwurm diary is open, turned to a page detailing Joshua and Dion’s supposedly adventurous tumble with Chocobos and their eggs. The Dion from that time sounds so excited.

Yet as Dion stands here now, looking at chocobos, he can’t say he feels excited. He turns his head and instead watches the flames of the fire. Somehow, that seems so much more pleasant.

The taste of the chocobo egg is bland and rubbery. It’s nothing like what was described in his diary.

One Hundred and Thirteen

Dion lies on his back on the grassy fields that surround the house he lives in with Joshua. The night sky is clear tonight, the stars twinkling happily, the moon waning. There is no Metia in sight. But Dion knows what it looks like. He had found a map of the stars in one of Joshua’s books.

Constellations - that’s what Joshua called them. Dion opens his lindwurm diary, to the flap marked with stars , he has sketches of constellations Joshua had pointed out to him. In the diary, he was in love, he was comfortable, he was warm and happy.

Dion squints in the dark to make out his own sketches.

Right now, he doesn’t feel anything but the cold. No warm arms around him, no fingers interlacing with his, no soft lips against his own, no one carding through his hair, no one to fix his scarf.

Dion unconsciously drums his fingers against the spread of the curse on his arm. It’s hard.

No one to tell him he loves him. 

But what does it matter? He won’t remember when the sun rises tomorrow anyway.

When Dion retires for the night, he slides in next to the petrified Joshua, he runs his fingers along stony lips. “I can’t remember how soft they are.” Dion wraps his arms around the stony waist and presses his face against the stony chest. 

It’s cold.

Dion weeps, his tears roll off of Joshua’s chest and onto the bed. Dion wishes that the sky would let drops of water fall and cover his shameful tears.

“I love you, Joshua.”

One Hundred and Sixteen

“Final Fantasy,” Dion whispers as he holds the book up with his non-dominant hand, “by Joshua Rosfield.” He then folds his arm in and brings the book close to his chest and holds it against his heart, it soothes the pain coursing through his nerves. 

Dion’s petrified arm lies beside a petrified Joshua Rosfield. 

With a soft and earnest voice, Dion closes his eyes and smiles, with his last breath he confesses, “My husband. I love you.”