Chapter Text
ACT 1: TOO DEEP, TOO FAST
SCENE 1 (SLICK WIT, LIP LICK, AND WE SLEEP IN OUR SKIN)
INT. HENDERY’S BEDROOM — MIDNIGHT
Two bodies, hot skin against one another. The room is clouded with the smell of sex, the thickness almost suffocating. Dejun’s back is pinned to the bed, a shaky whimper forces its way out when the man on top of him languidly drags his lips down the column of his throat, sucking on the sensitive skin right under his jaw.
Hendery keeps muttering obscene sweet nothings in Dejun’s ear, and it makes both his abused hole and the heart in his chest flutter. One of Hendery’s hand is thumbing Dejun’s right nipple and the other can’t stop stroking Dejun’s thigh softly, a stark contrast with the red imprint of his hand from how hard he was gripping it fucking Dejun the round before.
“My Xiaojun, looking so lovely, all fucked out on my bed,” Hendery murmurs against his collarbone, fingers wrapping around Dejun’s spent cock, eliciting a moan out of the tiny male.
“ Hendery— ah!” The oversensitivity Dejun felt coursing in his veins is slowly riding out into sweet pleasure, making him limp and pliant in Hendery’s arms. The younger keeps running his hands and lips all over Dejun’s body, making Dejun sigh as he runs his hand through Hendery’s hair, mussing it up. He can feel himself getting harder again.
“Still so tight, aren’t you, baby?” Hendery’s finger reach his rim, teasing, circling and prodding. They fucked earlier, but Dejun is still sensitive that every drag of Hendery’s pointer is making him squirm. He makes it a point to brush against Dejun's prostate every chance he gets, making Dejun an even bigger whining mess than he already is. A string of sighs and moans spilled every so often from the smaller’s lips. Beads of precum trickle down Dejun’s now hard cock again.
"Want you— in me, again,” Dejun scratches Hendery’s back weakly, "Hendery, fuck me. Please."
“As you wish, Princess.”
Hendery slides in for the second time that night. Dejun's eyes roll back in bliss as Hendery reaches the hilt, because he fills him up so deliciously and he needs time again to adjust to being so full.
“Move,” Dejun said breathlessly and Hendery slides out until only the tip of his cock is inside him, and slams back in, earning a surprised gasp from Dejun. The way his walls clench around his cock is driving Hendery crazy, and the heat is so tempting.
"Shit, Xiaojun, you're still so fucking tight."
Hendery sets a pace at first but Dejun keeps clenching around him unconsciously, moans spilling from his lips every so often, and Hendery just snaps. He groans and starts fucking into him harder. His thrusts are hard and fast and it leaves Dejun moaning wantonly.
“Fuck, Hendery,” Dejun gasped. Hendery slings Dejun's leg onto his shoulder that he's almost bent in half. The second he thrusts in, Dejun lets out a high-pitched desperate whine. His fingers rake across Hendery's back, leaving angry red marks in its wake. Dejun's eyes roll back in pleasure.
“Ah, Hendery, there— " he stutters, gripping Hendery's arms. The other hand scratches down Hendery's back, screaming “Oh my— ah, fuck — God, Hendery! Right, ah, there!” Hendery brutally pounded into him, reducing him into whimpers and broken moans. Hendery kept pushing into the bundle of nerves, making Dejun lose his mind. He feels like his body is on fire with how hard Hendery is fucking into him.
Hendery moved his hips a bit and the angle got so much better that Dejun felt the air knocked right out his lungs. His nerves are heightened and he gets more sensitive, the telltale sign of his impending release.
“Close,” he whimpers brokenly. His grip on Hendery's arms loosen when suddenly Hendery gathers the fucked out Dejun and kisses him deeply while still still pistoning into him with full force, hitting his spot over and over again. Dejun wraps his hands around Hendery's nape with the remaining energy he has, tilting his head to deepen the kiss.
“Come for me,” Hendery whispers against Dejun's lips.
Dejun explodes, letting out a lewd broken moan as he comes. Hendery keeps thrusting into him, milking his orgasm. It doesn’t take long for his thrusts to become erratic and he buries himself one last time inside Dejun's heat, coming with a groan.
SCENE 2 (
WOULD YOU EVEN STAY IF YOU DID?
)
INT. HENDERY’S BEDROOM — MORNING
Dejun wakes up with an arm slung over his hips and a snore in his hair. It was really the snore that woke him up. His back is flush with Hendery’s chest behind him so that Dejun can feel the former’s heartbeat in his own chest. Dejun squints as he tries to make out the numbers on the nightstand clock. It’s 7 AM, way too early to be awake on a Saturday.
Mornings like this are heaven sent for Dejun. To have Hendery tangled with him, still in deep sleep, warmth from skin-to-skin contact enveloping him. But they’re rare, almost agonizingly so. On mornings after sex, Dejun usually wakes alone on Hendery’s queen-sized bed, the latter’s side of the bed already cold by the time Dejun opens his eyes. What Dejun would give to not find himself as the only person in the apartment on mornings after nights spent with Hendery.
Dejun basks in the soft glow of early morning sunlight filtering through the blinds, the rise and fall of Hendery’s chest on his back, the quiet of the morning, sans Hendery’s horrendous snoring.
Dejun giggles quietly, remembering to tease Hendery about this when they’re both properly awake. He grabs Hendery’s hand that circles his middle, lifting it to his lips to kiss gently. He lets his eyes flutter close as he interlocks his fingers with Hendery’s, holding it close to his chest, hoping that the hands around him will still be there the next time he opens his eyes.
(Of course they don’t. The second time Dejun wakes up, he is cold and alone, as expected. But Dejun is a prodigy at pretending, so he pretends that his prayer this time would have some kind of different turnout.)
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Hendery doesn’t have real feelings for him, that he’s just a plot device in Hendery’s life. In the four walls of Hendery’s bedroom, he has the luxury of pretending he means more to Hendery than he knows he is.
So Dejun swallows the pain, and goes back to pretending Hendery loves him back.
SCENE 3 ( TRYING TO FIND WHERE YOUR HEAD IS, BUT I’M LOSING MYSELF IN THE PROCESS)
INT. CHAT ROOM — UNRELATED
Ten
22.37
ure better than this.
i know u are.
Better than what?
than being treated like garbage by ##HIM
…##HIM??
dont play dumb w/ me
HENDERY
ur bf or whatever
He’s not my bf
We’re just dating
so u admit he treats u like garbage
I didnt say that
but u didnt disagree
Dont suck me into your Ten logic
dejun ive seen how he is w/ u. he barely CARES abt u.
im just so sad seeing how this asshole treats u.
u deserve so much better than him
Ily for looking out for me
Truly, thank you for being concerned
But I owe this to myself, yknow?
WHAT exactly is it that u owe to urself
hes a fucking jerk
boyfriend or not
You know full well what i owe to myself
dont u think u owe it to urself someone better than him??
It’s Hendery.
It doesnt get better than him.
UGH
oh my GOD cant believe i just had to read that
w/ my own two eyes
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
okay lbr now
dejun baby
i Understand that uve been pining for him for a long time
i rly get it
but the circumstances when he asked u out the first time back then…
its just
its all so fishy
I know.
I remember.
You told me that
Yangyang said that too
Quite aggressively
so whats not clicking hon…
Its the opposite
Ive liked him for so long that i dont care that he only asked me out as a rebound
Or to make his ex jealous
Actually im kind of honored if he used me to make his ex jealous
No offense to your friend
thats unhinged
also this isnt abt sicheng
okay maybe its a bit abt sicheng
but my point is if u knew that already
then whyd u do it
So i dont spend my days wondering what it would be like to date him
There was a chance and i took it
but dont u think it wouldve been better if he was sincere w/ u?
dont u want to be loved by him genuinely
w/ no agenda whatsoever
Of course i do
Are you crazy
In my dreams he loves me back
Sincerely, genuinely
But beggars cant be choosers can we
ure insane
deranged fr
Maybe so
But did you ever think that for me it was enough
To live for the hope of it all?
END ACT 1.
ACT 2: FUCK THIS CHARADE
SCENE 4 ( KNOW YOU DIDN’T BUT I’M HOPING YOU LOST YOUR PHONE)
INT. DEJUN’S APARTMENT — NOON
“Alright, fine! Fine, yes, I will try to be civil tonight.”
“Promise me!”
“ Ughhh!” Dejun can hear Ten grumbling over the phone. “Okay. I promise to be civil to your date tonight.”
It’s not much, but a sense of giddiness spreads through Dejun after hearing Ten promise to be civil to his ‘date’. Hendery is his date now. They may not label whatever’s going on as anything (yet), but for an amount of borrowed time, he gets to bring Hendery as a plus one.
“Thank you,” Dejun answers, a small smile gracing his lips. “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“ I can’t believe I can’t give him the shovel talk. If anything, I want to shovel him into a dumpster instead.”
“First of all, please don’t cause any bodily harm to him.” Dejun knows Ten means well, but honestly, he’s kind of scared that Ten isn’t joking anymore. “Second of all, you can’t give him the shovel talk because he’s not my boyfriend.” How Dejun wished he could add ‘yet’ at the end of that sentence.
“ Whatever! But trust that I will only obey because it’s your birthday party tonight ,” Ten says threateningly. Dejun suppresses a giggle.
“How many times do I have to tell you? It’s not a party, it’s just a—”
“— small get-together, I know. That guy better come though! I’m gonna hunt him down if he doesn’t do the bare minimum and at the very least show up to your birthday dinner.” Okay, now Ten’s threats are starting to sound less like a joke.
“I honestly don’t know if you’re joking or not, but as a precaution, I’m asking you to please don’t do that.”
“ It’s not a joke. It’s a promise.” Before Dejun can respond any further, Ten continues. “Anyway, do you want us to come pick you up? So you don’t have to Uber alone. ”
“Oh, thank you, but it’s okay, Hendery said he’ll swing by and pick me up. Ask Yangyang though, I think he might want a ride.”
“ As if! That brat knows he’s not going near Kun’s car in a million years, not after the spilled takeout incident.” There’s a beat before Ten continues, voice soft. “Are you sure you don’t want to ride with us instead? ”
Something shifts inside of Dejun. He can hear Ten’s underlying meaning. Are you sure Hendery will hold up his end of the bargain?
If Dejun wants to listen to the rational side of his brain he would hear most likely not, because Hendery disappoints . But Dejun isn’t rational. Dejun is in love. So what he hears is I’m sick and tired that one of my best friends keeps invalidating the guy I’m dating.
“ Tell us if you do need a ride, okay? Or Yangyang. But I’m not sure you’ll get there in one piece if you do end up going with him. ”
Dejun snaps out of his reverie before he can snap at Ten instead. He had barely noticed he hadn't replied to the older’s question. He realizes he doesn’t want to, because he’s not sure if his rational or irrational side will take over his mouth.
“ See you later, I can’t wait to give you your present! And happy birthday once again!! ”
The phone call ends without Dejun saying anything.
INT. CHAT ROOM — MORNING UNTIL NIGHT
Hendery ♡
09.01
Morning <3
Oh hey
Happy birthday xiaojun
Its today right?
Thank youuu <3
Yes it is!!
The dinner is at 8, will you be there?
Sure
Want me to pick u up too?
We can go tgt
Oh
Oh wow
Are you sure?
I mean
Yes id love that
But are you sure?
I dont want to burden you
Nahh
Ure not a burden cmon
Its ur bday
Pick u up at 7?
Thatd be great
Thank you so much
Np
Dont forget to eat breakfast
And to take your meds too
I had coffee earlier
Oh
Isnt that your GERD trigger?
Nah dw
Oh okay
Still though, have some proper food okay?
13.18
Hey!
Have you had lunch yet?
Dont forget to eat
18.00
Hendery
Would you mind telling me if youre on the way later?
Thanks!
18.45
Hii
Are you on the way yet?
Its 18.55 alreadyy
Helloo
Are you okay?
[ unanswered call]
Its 19.30 Hen
Please tell me youre okay
Im going to ask yangyang for a ride okay?
[ unanswered call ]
[ unanswered call]
19.59
Hi
Sorry
U there yet?
Oh thank god
Youre alive
Im here already
We all are actually
Ten and yangyang are dying to meet you
Right
Ion think im gonna make it
Im so sorry
Oh
Are you okay?
Not rly
Im sorry
Oh
Okay
Do you want me to come over?
Its ur bday
But youre not okay
Ill be fine
Happy bday
Im sorry
SCENE 5 ( HALF PAST MIDNIGHT, YOUR HALF-ASSED TEXT MAKES SURE I KEEP CRAWLING BACK FOR MORE)
INT. RESTAURANT — NIGHT
“I’m going to kill that motherfucker. I’m so serious.”
Kun gently pries the steak knife held threateningly in Ten’s hand away and the fork that looks way more dangerous than they should have in Yangyang’s grip.
“Why isn’t he coming again?” Yangyang asks very curiously, leaning forward in his seat.
“He’s, um,” Dejun shifts uncomfortably, “he’s feeling kinda unwell.”
“And he told you that on the minute of the reservation? Not even before? No heads up?” Ten asks disbelievingly.
“Nope, Dejun said the guy went AWOL when he asked me if I’d left yet,” Yangyang cuts in before Dejun can even open his mouth to answer. There is a hint of disdain in Yangyang’s voice.
“Guys, come on. This is Dejun’s birthday,” Kun interjects placatingly to Ten and Yangyang who are still very obviously irritated. “Why don’t we have a pleasant dinner to celebrate it and move past this?”
At times like this, Dejun is utterly grateful to have a presence like Kun within his friend group. It’s bad enough that Hendery ghosted him when he couldn't pick him up, which just proves Ten’s concerns earlier that of course Hendery wouldn’t hold up his end of the bargain, and now he is not coming to Dejun’s birthday dinner because he’s not feeling very well, with no elaboration of said situation.
Dejun doesn’t know which is worse: that his friends hate the guy he’s seeing, or that this guy just proved his friends’ reaction towards him was justified.
Almost three hours later, two unwrapped birthday gifts, and one bite into the second helping of birthday cake, a call rings Dejun’s phone. Hendery ♡, it says on the screen. Oh, Dejun thought, hope blooming in his chest. Maybe today won’t be so bad after all.
“Hi!” Dejun says brightly after picking up the call. “How are you feeling?”
There’s background noise from Hendery’s end. A central call announcement, sounds of hustle and bustle. Dejun feels his stomach drop at the realization. Is Hendery out right now? Right after saying he’s feeling unwell and couldn’t attend Dejun’s birthday dinner?
“ Hi ,” Hendery answers. “Uhh, like shit, actually. I’m at the ER. ”
Dejun’s fork slipped from his hand and fell with a loud clatter on his plate.
“Excuse me, you’re where ?”
“The ER,” Hendery said. “My GERD acted up. The doctor said something caused my stomach to wound again, she thinks it might be the caffeine and menthol from the coffee and my cigs. I’ve been throwing up since an hour ago, and …—“
Hendery’s voice fades into white noise as Dejun stopped processing the words exiting the phone’s speaker. There is pounding in his head. He genuinely doesn’t know how to react to the deluge of information flooding his brain right now.
“.. .—so the administration requires my guardian, or someone, to sign the papers. And, uh, I put you in as my emergency contact. ”
Dejun blinks, having missed most of what Hendery had said. “Okay, and?”
“ I know it’s your birthday, and you’re with your friends, I’m really, really, I’m so fucking sorry for this. I’m an asshole, I know. I, um, I need you to come pick me up at the hospital because they won’t let me leave until someone signs the papers. ”
After all, how can Dejun blame him? He’s the one in the ER right now.
“Sure. Send me the address.”
And so, because Hendery asked, Dejun went.
INT. EMERGENCY ROOM - HALF PAST MIDNIGHT
Dejun relays the message to his friends. Hendery got admitted to the ER, his GERD was acting up, he needs me to come pick him up, I’m afraid the dinner has to end this abruptly, I’m so sorry.
For the first time that night, both Ten and Yangyang do not reply with quips or sarcastic remarks. They immediately agree that they will not let Dejun Uber to nor from the hospital, so they divide and conquer: since they still have orders that are not out yet, Yangyang will stay and wait for the take away boxes. Meanwhile, Kun and Ten will drive Dejun to the hospital and take both Dejun and Hendery home from the hospital.
“Thank you so much you guys, I’m sorry that tonight has to come to this,” Dejun honestly can’t apologize enough for ruining his friends’ night.
“Nonsense,” Kun answered from behind the steering wheel, “All of this is out of your control. Besides, we wouldn’t have let you go alone anyway.”
“Dejun, please stop apologizing. None of this is your fault.” Ten chimed in from the passenger seat, in charge of the navigations. “Okay, now turn left at the roundabout and do a U-turn. The ER should be right… up… there… Yes, that one. Dejun, why don’t we drop you off at the entrance and we’ll go park the car, then we’ll join you?”
The ER smells sterile. At this time of night, it’s not as empty as Dejun imagined it to be. Then again, Dejun has never had to go to the ER before, and frankly makes it a point to never have to go to one if he can help it. Swallowing harshly, Dejun immediately goes to the administration desk and asks for Hendery’s condition.
“He’s just finishing up the IV drip, it should take another 10 minutes tops,” the on-call doctor briefed him. “There are some forms to sign and prescriptions to get from the pharmacy. You can do so when you check him out of here.”
The doctor guided him to Hendery’s bed. And there he was, lying on the ER bed, pale and sweaty, back of his hand pierced with the IV drip. Fighting a shudder, Dejun immediately rushed to his side.
“Oh, Hen, are you okay?” He asks, gingerly holding Hendery’s hand that isn’t plastered with a tube, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Hendery struggles to sit up straight. “Hey,” Hendery said, grinning. It’s nice to see him smile despite looking shitty. “I’m better now with you here.”
Dejun lightly swats at Hendery's shoulder, even though the cheesiness does make him fight a smile a little bit. “No, you’re better now because you’ve had an IV drip for the past hour,” Dejun gently stroked his hand. “What happened?”
A guilty look settled on Hendery’s face as he repositioned himself on the bed. “Remember when you asked if I had breakfast this morning and I said I had coffee?”
“Yeah? What about it?”
“Well, I had coffee and cigarettes. You know, girl breakfast,” Hendery jokes. When it’s clear that Dejun is not going to respond, Hendery clears his throat and continues. “The doctor said caffeine from the coffee and menthol from the cigarettes triggered the GERD. That, and I didn’t eat anything all day.”
Dejun tilts his head in confusion. “What were you doing that you didn’t eat anything all day?”
Hendery had the decency to look sheepish as he answered, “I was gaming until afternoon, and then took a nap just a bit after 4 PM. When I woke up, there was no food in the apartment, and I was too in pain to leave the bed to do anything else.”
At this point, Ten doesn’t have to kill Hendery, because he’s going to kill himself soon enough if he keeps this up.
Dejun remembers clearly that he had specifically reminded Hendery to have proper breakfast, take his medicine, and eat lunch as well. Does this mean… All of this could have been prevented if Hendery had listened to him?
“How’d you get to the ER then?”
“I have no idea. It’s like, the pain took over my body. My survival instinct kicked in just after the fifth time I threw up.”
The pinch of annoyance Dejun felt simmering just beneath the surface that had built up over the course of the night, since Hendery ghosted him until the second Hendery practically admitted it was entirely his fault that he got into this mess, suddenly dissipated into nothing. How could he get annoyed if Hendery’s pain was literally the thing that had prevented him from dying?
“Why didn’t you tell me you were in so much pain? I could have taken you to the doctor before it got this bad…” Dejun said softly, his heart aching imagining the inscrutable suffering Hendery had to go through.
“I didn’t want to ruin your birthday, Xiaojun,” Hendery answered, intertwining their hands. “I tried calling Sicheng earlier, but he didn’t answer. I really hated having to ask for your help, especially on your birthday. Happy birthday again by the way, I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything.”
SCENE 6 ( ALL THE GOOD NIGHTS (ARE THEY HIDDEN GOODBYES IN DISGUISE?))
INT. CAR — CONTINUOUS
Thankfully the check out process was easy and seamless, so Dejun was quick to get Hendery into Kun’s car. He just wanted this night to end as soon as possible.
When Dejun finally introduced Hendery to Kun and Ten earlier at the administration desk, Ten was grinning like Cheshire Cat, all ready to hustle his date (or whatever). This time, Dejun gladly let Ten chat Hendery up. Any other day Dejun will save Hendery from the horror that is Ten’s nightmare dressed like a daydream interrogation sequence, but not tonight. He’s in no mood to chit chat anymore tonight, not after Hendery dropping the bomb on him about calling his ex.
They are halfway to Dejun’s apartment when Ten starts his interrogation session.
“So, Hendery, how do you know our little Dejun here?” Ten asked in a faux cheery tone that could have Dejun fooled.
“Oh, Xiaojun and I used to be lab partners during our first year,” Hendery answered.
“First year? That’s a long time ago,” Ten comments. “And you’ve been interested in him since then, or?”
“Uhh, not really…?” Hendery scratches the back of his neck. “Just recently, actually.”
“Oh?” Ten feigns inquisitiveness. “How recent?”
Dejun has got to admit, Ten’s subtlety allows him to be really good and very ruthless at digging if he wants to. The lull of easygoingness layered with an air of casual curiosity Ten has mastered down pat makes his prey let their guard down, and that’s when he’s going to pounce.
“Like, a couple weeks I think?”
“Two weeks?” Now Ten’s tone tells Dejun he’s up to no good. This is him, closing in on his prey. “Wait, Dejun, I thought Hendery asked you out about a month ago. I remember, because you went to that Van Gogh exhibition even though everyone told you not to.”
In fact, Dejun also remembered that. The Van Gogh exhibition was not as spectacular as he imagined it would be what with the price tag attached to it, but what Ten really meant was that everyone had warned Dejun to not go on the date because Ten knows for a fact that Hendery had broken up with his ex only two days prior to him asking Dejun out.
Ten only found out because Hendery’s ex Sicheng is his teammate on the dance squad and that Sicheng couldn’t attend practice because he was moving out of Hendery’s apartment because they broke up.
So. That’s a nice little baggage right there, along with the rebound allegations. But back then Dejun didn’t care, because Dejun was the one who had been smitten with Hendery since they were lab partners. Years later and even though they now take different majors, Dejun still harbors a crush for the one guy with whom he once spent his entire afternoon trying to get the titration liquid color right.
Turns out Dejun still doesn’t care now.
What Dejun does care about now is that whatever answer that comes out of Hendery’s mouth, Ten will scrutinize and nitpick on every single statement, because it is true that the first time Hendery asked Dejun out was one month ago. Which means that either Hendery didn’t care enough to lie or Hendery didn’t care enough to remember, and each possibility is worse than the last.
“Yeah, about that, actually—”
But before Hendery can finish his sentence, Kun swoops in with his own question.
“Sorry to interrupt you, Hendery, but I noticed you call Dejun with ‘Xiaojun’?”
Damn it. Kun and his ability to read the situation correctly and come up with swift damage control. Dejun kind of really wanted to hear what Hendery had to say to defend himself, but he also couldn’t stand watching Hendery get caught in Ten’s traps.
“Oh, right! Yeah!” Hendery’s voice immediately brightened up. “Because his name is Xiao Dejun, and he’s like, tiny. It’s kind of like a wordplay on his name? ‘Xiao’ for his surname and ‘Xiao’ for small, so I call him Xiaojun— Tiny Jun.”
“Awww! That’s actually really fucking cute!” Ten’s genuine cooing surprised Dejun. It’s the first time since Hendery got in the car that Ten’s words aren’t laced with hints of sarcasm or underlying meaning. “Dejun is tiny. This one time we were playing hide and seek— don’t ask— and Dejun fits right in, in this, like, narrow coat rack. We didn’t even think to check there because we didn’t think any grown ups could fit in there.”
“I know, right?” Hendery enthusiastically responds. “Every time we cuddle, I tuck him under my chin and he just curls up into a ball like a hedgehog. He’s so cute like that, you could just fit him in your pocket. Wait, um, sorry, probably TMI.” Hendery clears his throat and laughs in embarrassment, but Ten just laughs delightedly.
“A hedgehog!” Ten guffaws. “So fucking cute. Dejun, why didn’t you ever tell us that your boyfriend calls you Tiny Jun?”
Now Dejun is truly surprised. There are so many things happening in under five minutes that he can do nothing but blink and drop his jaw in shock.
But he should probably address the boyfriend thing.
“We’re not— um— I mean, I don’t think we are — Hendery and I aren’t, um, boyfriends,” Dejun stuttered out. “Are we?” Dejun continues in a small voice, directing the last part to Hendery.
From the front of the car Kun is whisper-shouting to Ten about something, but Dejun is too focused on the fact that Ten called Hendery his boyfriend to pay attention to any of that.
“Hmm,” Hendery mimes stroking his chin, pretending to think hard. “Do you want us to be?”
Dejun’s heart leaps into his throat.
“Do you want us to be?”
The car becomes dead quiet, save for the rumble of the engine.
“I would love to be your boyfriend, Xiaojun, if you’ll be mine.”
Happy birthday indeed.
SCENE 7 ( STICK AROUND EVEN IF IT’S JUST FOR THE TEMPORARY SHOW )
INT. KITCHEN — DAY
The morning after, Dejun finds himself alone in bed.
This is like any other mornings where Hendery would leave after sex, except today is different because supposedly they are now boyfriends, so Dejun had hoped something would change in their morning routines.
It hasn’t even been two minutes since he had awoken but Dejun’s heart is already beating into overdrive. He’s about to spiral right then and there thinking how could he have been so stupid to think that things are going to change after their relationship has elevated, until he hears a sizzle followed immediately by the delicious smell of cooked meat wafting into the bedroom.
This is a strange occurrence. Dejun puts on a pair of briefs before walking out of the bedroom in Hendery’s oversized shirt that envelops his frame. Could it be that Hendery…?
“Nooooo!” Hendery wails as he lifts up an empty sad sieve from a pot of boiling water. Dejun blinks. That’s weird.
First of all, after getting over the initial shock of seeing Hendery after 8 AM but before 12 PM, Dejun wonders how does Hendery know where things are in his kitchen, because this is the first time Hendery has ever been in his apartment. Second of all, Dejun needs to attend to a more pressing matter as he almost gets a heart attack watching Hendery fumble with a stack of plates which he isn’t sure what the latter was trying to do with.
“Careful!” Dejun yelled, rushing to help Hendery with the plates. In hindsight, that was not the best course of action, because Hendery could have gotten startled and dropped the plates instead. But Hendery’s hands are steady underneath Dejun’s when the two of them settled the stack on the table.
After the plates are taken care of, Dejun takes in the sight in front of him. The pot of water on the stove is murky. Several cracked eggshells are scattered on the kitchen counter, Dejun’s two stoves are both occupied. A pan filled with bacon strips is cooking and right at that moment, toasts pop up from the toaster.
“What… is this?” Dejun asks tentatively, gesturing to the kitchen in its entirety. “And what’s in the pot?”
Hendery sets the cooked bacon and toasts on the table, along with a plate of butter that magically appeared out of nowhere. Dejun didn’t even know he had butter.
Hendery waves his hand dismissively. “Doesn’t matter what’s in the pot. This—” Hendery gestures grandly to the table set up, changing his tone playfully to be a few octaves deeper— “is breakfast .”
Dejun giggles as Hendery pours juice into his glass as if he were pouring wine instead, pulling his chair back like they were in a high end restaurant. Dejun sits and Hendery pushes his chair in.
Hendery slides into his own chair. “Dig in,” he announces. Dejun laughs before taking a bite. Hendery is so goofy, he makes Dejun can’t stop smiling.
“I didn’t know you could cook.”
“That’s because I can’t,” Hendery said matter-of-factly. “The thing I was trying to boil? Eggs. I was trying to make poached eggs, cuz, y’know, it’s fancy. I don’t want you to have instant noodle breakfast. But I overestimated my cooking skills, so…”
“Ohh! Is that why there are egg shells but no eggs on the table?”
“Yeah, sorry I used up your eggs for my experiment. Get it? Eggs-periment?”
Breakfast with Hendery is nice. Dejun has never had breakfast with Hendery before, so this is new. Hendery can’t cook, but Dejun can, and maybe next time he can make Hendery breakfast instead, something that isn’t just carbs and fat in the morning. Something with protein maybe. Kudos to Hendery though, he did his best.
“Hey, I was thinking,” Hendery started. Dejun hums in acknowledgment, eyes flitting to meet Hendery’s over the rim of his glass as he sips on his juice. “Let’s go on a date today.”
Dejun almost chokes. First, breakfast. Next, date invitation. What is in the air today? Gas leak?
To say that Dejun is surprised or caught off-guard is an understatement. He’s flabbergasted. This is such an out of character request from Hendery. It’s usually always Dejun who plans their dates, or even suggests they go on a date.
Fortunately, he still has some grace in him to address the matter with class. ‘Class’ meaning not eagerly agreeing like a lovesick teenager when their crush is asking them to prom.
“Oh, wow, really?” Dejun places his glass back on the table. “What brought this up?”
“Well, it was your birthday yesterday. And I didn’t get you anything, so I figured, we can go somewhere today and celebrate it. You know, just the two of us. We’re boyfriends now, right?”
INT. SKATING RINK — AFTERNOON
“No, no, don’t let go! Hendery— Hendery I swear to God—!”
“Xiaojun, baby, I won’t let go, I promise. But you’re crushing my hands,” Hendery’s face twinged in pain and possibly silent laughter with how hard Dejun is gripping his hand flailing on the ice.
“Suck it up, you’re the one who thought it was a good idea to bring me skating even though I have specifically told you I have absolutely no sense of balance whatsoever!”
Now Hendery throws his head back in actual laughter at Dejun’s misery.
“Why are you laughing at me!! It’s not my fault I don’t wanna fall and break my face on the ice!” Dejun whines when Hendery’s laughter does not subside.
“No, you’re just so cute, all riled up but also terrified at the same time,”
“Can you please stop flirting with me, this is not the time!” Dejun complains, but the red on his cheeks is definitely not just because of the cold of the ice in the rink and the corner of his lips are threatening to rise a little bit. “Focus on not letting me fall please,” Dejun instructed haughtily even though his knees are not bent and his back is ramrod straight, which is exactly the opposite of what he should be doing to avoid falling and breaking his face on the ice.
“I will never let you fall,” Hendery promises once again. “Slowly, bend your knees and slightly lean forward toward me. That’s great, like that. When I move, don’t let me drag you around. Move your feet on the ice. Now, I’m gonna skate, and you’re skating with me, okay? In one, two, three…”
Two agonizingly slow laps around the rink later, with constant encouragement (and laughter) from Hendery’s part and a lot of yelling and cursing from Dejun’s part, the latter can now skate without crushing his boyfriend’s hand in his grip.
“Oh my God! Wow! I did it! I’m doing it! I’m skating!” Dejun shouts in glee. Hendery claps as he watches his boyfriend skate with vigor now that he got the hang of it.
“That’s great, babe! But be careful, okay?” Hendery shouted after him. “Look where you’re going! Xiaojun, don’t go so fast, you’re going to crash into someo—”
Aaand of course he crashed into someone.
To be fair, someone crashed into him. Dejun didn’t even see the person coming because it happened so quickly, a blur of red in front of him and he didn’t have time to go out of the way because he only learned how to skate straight so he can’t swerve to avoid incoming blockade.
Now Dejun is lying in a heap on the ice and the person that crashed into him is struggling to get off him, which is not really helpful because the ice is slippery.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to crash into you, I just don’t know how to skate but someone decided that I’m ready to get off the railings— ouch, sorry, I think there’s ice in my hand—”
Luckily the person got lifted off him pretty quickly, and Hendery gently helped him to his feet.
“You okay?” Hendery scans him in worry, hands firm on Dejun’s shoulders to keep him steady.
“I’m good,” Dejun assures him.
“Hendery?” A voice behind them asks in bewilderment. It’s a bit hard to turn around in a pair of skates, but Hendery did just that.
Upon catching a glimpse of the person calling his name, Hendery immediately dropped his hand from Dejun’s shoulders. The tips of his ears turn red as well as the blush creeping up his neck. He looks dazed and jumpy all at the same time.
It’s Dejun’s turn to ask if he’s okay to Hendery, because he seems very frazzled. “No, yeah, I’m fine,” Hendery says, although still a little distracted by the person in front of him.
Hendery clears his throat. “Dejun, this is Renjun, the one who crashed into you earlier. And this one is Sicheng. Renjun, Sicheng, this is Dejun.”
And just like that, Dejun desperately wished that Ten had killed him instead last night.
END ACT 2.
ACT 3: YOU’RE BAD FOR MY HEALTH
SCENE 8 ( THE BEST AT BEING THE WORST )
INT. TEN AND KUN’S APARTMENT — AFTERNOON
Like all fairytales, this one too must end.
Dejun just didn’t think it would be this soon, or this painful.
“That can’t be him,” Dejun shakes his head. “You must be wrong. That must be an old video.”
He pushes away Ten’s phone on the table towards the owner, the now dimmed screen still showing a clip. Ten shares a look with Yangyang that doesn’t go unnoticed by Dejun, but he ignores it anyway.
“Dejun…”
“No! He’s with me now! It’s only been three months!” Dejun sounds like a petulant child, but he’s allowed to be upset at this unbecoming news. Upset at whom, is still up for deciding.
“I know, that’s why I told you about it. It was him. I wasn’t mistaken. It’s not an old video, it’s recent.” Ten says in a firm but soothing tone. “Dejun, I’m so sorry. I really am.”
Ten sounds so very apologetic, even though he’s not the one cheating on Dejun. He’s truly sorry Dejun’s boyfriend is a cheating asshole.
In the back of his head, Dejun knows this is over. Whatever fairytale he’s been living in is shattered along with his heart. This is real life, and in real life Hendery is kissing someone else.
But— this must be a joke. This is his Joker moment. Out of all people, Ten was the one who caught Hendery cheating. Ten, who had been so against Dejun dating Hendery since the beginning. Ten, who was so vocal in expressing his dislike towards Hendery.
Dejun can practically feel common sense leaving his entire being as rage consumes him. He bets Ten is just waiting for this to happen.
“Are you?” Dejun asks cynically. “Aren’t you just dying to say ‘I told you so’? To show me how right you have been?”
“ What ?” Ten is now bewildered. “Dejun— no! Of course not! It saddens me that I was right! I’m devastated on your behalf!”
“No, you're not. You're just happy now you have a good reason to hate him. And make me hate him too.”
Honestly, that was not his best rage-induced outburst. But it’s all he can say with hot tears pooling in the back of his lids and his voice threatening to crack at any moment from the anger.
Ten doesn’t get a chance to say anything back before Yangyang cuts in rudely.
“Do you even hear yourself?” Yangyang’s voice is filled with incredulity, his tone dangerously offensive. “One of your best friends caught your so-called boyfriend cheating red-handed. It’s not Ten’s fault that he saw Hendery kissing his ex. Hell, he didn’t even want to tell you in the first place because he didn’t want to hurt you!”
“You shouldn’t have told me! I was fine before all this!”
Yangyang looks close to banging the table. “Are you really that dense? I know your common sense is practically out the window but goddamn I thought you still have some sanity left.”
“Let me see it again.” Ten looks reluctant to hand his phone over to Dejun to let the younger replay the clip. “You’re not mistaken right? Let me see it again.”
“Just give it to him, ge,” Yangyang says derisively. “He needs to convince himself.”
Finally Ten does hand his phone over.
Dejun presses play and starts watching for the second time, except this time he actually watches.
The footage starts really shaky, as if Ten is shocked into recording the video. At first Dejun can only see two people sharing a table without being able to make out their facial features, and then the footage sharpens into focus. It zooms in pretty dramatically, but it doesn’t blur out the subjects in it.
Dejun watches as on-screen Hendery runs a hand through his freshly cut hair, a sure sign that the video is recent. A wide smile doesn’t leave his lips.
The person in front of Hendery dons a similar but relatively more bashful smile. Their hands are entwined on the table, matching bracelets on each of their wrists.
To be honest, that’s when Dejun feels his stomach drop to the ground. Because he knows that bracelet. In the two months that he’s dating Hendery, he has never seen that bracelet leave his boyfriend’s wrist. Hendery likes to fidget with it unconsciously. Dejun can practically feel his whole resolve crumble just in seconds. Swallowing harshly, Dejun forces himself to power through the rest of the clip.
It gets worse. The two of them lean in over the table. Bile rises to Dejun’s throat. It’s like he’s watching in slow motion as Hendery and the other guy lock lips for what seems like an eternity.
Cold. Everything is cold. He can't feel a thing. Only the blinding pain.
Dejun doesn’t even realize the video is over until Ten’s phone screen cuts to black.
“Are you convinced now?” There is a cynical edge to Yangyang’s voice that he doesn’t even bother to hide, and yet that’s not what bothers Dejun the most.
Dejun opens his mouth to respond. “I—" He chokes mid sentence, not bothering to continue as he flungs Ten’s phone back to its owner and rushed out of there.
He feels sick. He's going to be sick.
When he empties the almost nonexistent content of his stomach to the toilet bowl, tears are already streaming down his cheeks.
“Shh, it’s okay,” someone's hand rubs on his back, gently wipes the tears off his cheeks.
Ten helps him lean on the bathtub, arms still around him. Yangyang hands him mouthwash from the sink, which he gurgles for a bit before spitting it out in the toilet bowl. The youngest between the three takes a seat next to Dejun.
It’s silent for a little while, with Dejun’s head on Ten’s shoulder and Ten’s arm around Dejun’s shoulder, caressing his forearm in an attempt to soothe the male.
“Do you want a hug?" Ten asks softly.
A hug sounds nice. But Dejun knows if he hugs Ten, he's going to start crying again, and he doesn't think he'll stop.
He surges into Ten’s embrace anyway. And he was right— the tears don't stop. He cries into Ten’s shoulder, his whole body wracked with sobs. It’s only then does he register the heartbreak. His body crashes as the adrenaline fades, clutching Ten’s shirt as he hugs the older man tighter.
“I— It hurts so much —” Dejun gasps out between sobs. “I didn’t know it would hurt this bad.”
Ten doesn't answer, only rubbing comforting circles onto his back. The pain in his chest is so unbearable: the only way he knows how to describe it is imagining that someone holds his heart in their hand, and the thin cell skin that protects whatever inside it is slit.
It is slit open and the blood floods out spilling everywhere but the most painful part is when he imagines the sharpest of knives touching the surface of his heart. Not yet pressing, not yet moving, but the mere picture of the knife edge on his heart is enough for his entire body to feel like needles are pricking into his skin.
When he feels considerably calmer, Dejun disentangles himself from Ten’s hug, doing a futile attempt to wipe his nonstop tears.
Dejun turns to look at Ten. “I’m sorry,” Dejun apologizes. “I was deranged. I didn’t mean any of the things I said to you. Thank you for looking out for me.” Dejun squeezes Yangyang’s hand. “Both of you. Thank you.”
"I’m sorry too.” Yangyang’s tinny voice pipes up. Dejun and Ten turned their heads to look at Yangyang questioningly. “For snapping at you earlier.”
Yangyang looks down even as he says the words, ears red in embarrassment, fingers fidgeting with his sleeves.
“I deserved that.” Dejun shrugs.
“You kinda do,” Yangyang tells him. Dejun shoves him weakly, but with a small smile on his face.
“Will you guys help me break up with him? I don’t think—” A sob threatens to escape his throat again. Dejun tries to swallow the lump in his throat. “I don’t think I can face him now.”
“Of course we’ll help you,” Ten says gently. “I think I know the best way to break up with him. An eye for an eye. Ish.”
INT. HENDERY’S DOORSTEP — NIGHT
Hendery is greeted by a box in front of his door when he comes home.
Hendery—
Let’s break up.
These are the things that you left at my place.
Thank you for everything.
Love Best regards,
Dejun.
Is what the post-it on top of the box says.
SCENE 9 ( FUCK’S SAKE, I’M ALREADY YOURS )
INT. CHAT ROOM — NIGHT UNTIL MORNING
Hendery ♡
22.11
[sent you a photo]
Xiaojun
Ur breaking up with me?
Baby what does this mean
[unanswered call]
Hendery
23.34
Xiaojun please
What happened?
Im sorry u must be asleep now
But pls call me back asap
08.29
Xiaojun pls answer me
Did i do something?
Was it something i said?
09:00
[missed call]
[missed call]
Xiaojun can we talk about this?
10:05
[sent you a photo]
Im at ur place
U forgot ur sweater the last time u spent the night
Can we talk abt this?
INT. DEJUN’S APARTMENT — CONTINUOUS
“Go home.”
“Xiaojun, what—”
“Please don’t call me that.”
“I just don’t get it, can we please talk about this? What happened? Why all of a sudden?”
“Please go home, Hendery. We’re through.”
“But I don’t understand—”
“You don’t understand? Let me make it clear for you then.” Dejun finally turns to face Hendery, his tone sharp. “I know, okay? I've always known. I know I'm a rebound. Just a bed warmer. But we’re done now. You can go back to your ex, or whatever. I have served my purpose.”
Dejun grips the kitchen countertop to let the throbbing in his chest cease. He watches as Hendery gets even more caught off-guard by the second.
“Dejun, you’re not a rebound,” Hendery’s voice is edging towards desperate, and any other time Dejun would tease, but today everything just stabs him in the chest.
“Aren’t I?” Dejun didn’t mean for it to sound pitiful, he wanted to sound sarcastic, but the ache has a way of making itself known.
“No, you’re not! Seriously, I—”
“Bullshit, Hen, just stop lying to me, please.” Dejun doesn’t know where he magically gains all this bravado, but it’s enough to make him stand up for himself. “I know you were kissing your ex a few days ago. Cut the crap.”
Hendery has the fucking nerve to look surprised. “That’s not— It’s not what it looks like! I swear it didn’t mean anything!”
To imagine the confession in his head is one thing, but actually hearing it out loud is an entirely different feeling. Dejun’s body goes cold.
“So it’s true. You kissed your ex.” With how much he was crying the first time he saw the video, Dejun thought he had no tears left to cry and that he would stop giving a fuck.
His body reacted otherwise.
“Well, yes, but it’s really not what you think!” Hendery scrambles to explain, the panic in his face getting more evident by the second. “It’s— it was— I had a change of heart, Jun. I mean, as soon as I kissed him I realized I didn’t want to be with anyone else but you! I swear!”
Had he said those words in another situation, things would have been different. Dejun would have forgiven him in an instant and taken him back. Even now, a small part of Dejun, the lovestruck and irrational and forgiving part whose ego is stroked, wants to believe Hendery.
But enough is enough.
“You know, I’m confused as to why are you not happy I’m breaking up with you. You’re back with your ex, you got what you wanted. My part here is done.”
“No, I’m not back with Sicheng! I swear! I thought I wanted him, but then I realized… I didn’t. I want you .” Hendery’s voice became quiet and raw. Dejun is almost fooled by the emotions pouring out of him. “You helped me move on. You’re cute and sweet and you have so much love to give and you’ve been nothing but loving with me. I’m sorry it took me this long, but— I love you. I love you, Xiao Dejun.”
Oh, the audacity .
“You can’t keep doing this to me, Hen,” Dejun whispered. He can't cry. Not now.
“Do what? What am I doing to you, Jun?”
How is it possible he even dared to question that?
“You are insane, Hen! You make me insane. You’ve been using me, and don’t even deny it, because you know I have had feelings for you for a long time. You were so low to use me like that, knowing I would have said yes to whatever you asked me to, because you know I'm hopeless for you.” Dejun’s voice finally breaks along with his composure and resolve.
The harsh truth finally comes out. All this time Dejun has been hearing it from everyone around him, that Hendery is just taking advantage of him, that Dejun is nothing but a plot device, but he’s been denying all of it because he doesn’t want to believe that it’s true.
Because admitting it would mean that the Hendery that lives in Dejun’s head and heart all this time is but merely an idealized version of the Hendery standing in front of him. Saying it out loud makes it real, shatters the illusion, and Dejun is forced to confront that no matter how much he is pretending, the projection of the Hendery he made up is in reality the Hendery who is kissing his ex.
But as much as Dejun is at fault, what Dejun truly can’t wrap his head around is the fact that Hendery actually has the gall to use him like this, and proceed to cheat and lie to his face only to say all those things just to get Dejun to forgive him.
That realization alone is enough for Dejun.
“It's on me to let you do that, so I'm putting an end to this. We’re done. Please get out of my apartment.”
Dejun cries himself to sleep that night.
END ACT 3.