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She follows him towards the door of the bar feeling a little lightheaded on her feet. Follows her best friend. Follows the man who had just kissed her senseless in the middle of Cork & Kerry.
The man she’s wanted in this way for longer than she cares to think.
He holds the door open for her and it’s not a new gesture from him, but it feels new right now. Everything feels new.
And if she’d thought the Chicago cold might ease her racing heart as they step out into the street, she was wrong.
She lets out a breath that curls in the air before her and shakes her arms out in an attempt to rid herself of some of the adrenaline coursing through her.
They’d kissed. They’d kissed and it all feels like too much and not enough at the same time.
‘You okay over there?’ he asks her, holding back a smile. One eyebrow quirked in that all too familiar expression of his.
‘We just, we just kissed. A lot.’
She rises up and down on her toes and lets out a breath. Can’t quite calm her heart enough to stay still but she also doesn’t want to move from this spot when he’s standing close. When he’s standing before her with eyes shining.
‘Yep,’ he smiles. ‘I’d say it was probably about damn time and of course you found the words before I did.’
That stops her movement. ‘Jay? I, you –‘ she tails off. She knows what he’s saying but it still floors her. Confirms what she’s hoped all this time.
He steps closer still until his face is inches from her own.
‘Hailey, why do you think I’ve been single for so long?’
‘Because the last girl you dated was a drug dealer?’
He throws his head back and laughs. Shakes his head at her but his gaze is soft. His gaze is loving. Eyes only for her.
‘That. That right there is why.’ His hand finds its way to her cheek, and she leans into the contact feeling emotional once again. ‘You…Hailey you’re the only girl who’s been on my mind for years now.’
His name falls from her lips, and he dips his head to kiss her once more. She presses her palm to his chest and rises to meet him.
Desire curling in her as their tongues brush, and she wonders if he can hear her heart roaring in her chest despite the layers of clothing between them.
They part but she stays pressed up on her tiptoes. Stays close. Now she knows what it feels like to really be in his space, neither of them seems all that eager to know anything different.
His smile is wide – happy – when her eyes flutter open.
‘I’m not sure how much better the sidewalk is than the bar,’ he says, ‘and I’m trying really hard to be a gentleman here, Hailey.’
She knows what he means. This. Them. She doesn’t know how much longer she can keep a lid on it either. She needs him. They need this. They’ve earned this with everything that’s passed to get them here. To get them to this point.
‘Follow me home?’
He nods his head at her like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Like it never needs to be a question. Like he’ll follow her anywhere.
And as she drives home, she feels overwhelmed in the best way: excitement, butterflies, desire, anticipation. And truth be told, she can’t keep the smile from her face. Doesn’t really want to either if she’s honest with herself. This shade of happiness feels new. It feels electric.
Jay kissed her.
She kissed Jay.
He finally kissed her and god, she’s been hoping for this for so long. They’ve been on the edge of this for so long that it’s hurt. Wanting him. Loving him.
It feels like a pinch me moment. A pinch me moment because the man she is completely head over heels for kissed her.
So yeah, she can’t keep the smile from her face but when she pulls into her parking space and Jay parks up next to her, she sees she’s not the only one. That boyish smile of his that she loves present on his face as he rounds the truck to come and stand beside her.
And they’ve done this so many times - followed the other home - and yet she stands before him feeling like this is the first time she’s ever kissed someone, the first time she’s ever brought someone home. It all feels different. It’s different because it’s him.
‘Hailey,’ he says and it’s the same tone of reverence she’s heard from him before, but she lets herself enjoy it for what it is this time. And just like so many times before, the next words he speaks let her know that he’s on the same page as her. That he’s right there with her. ‘Me too.’
He falls into step beside her, and this too is familiar but she’s on the edge right now. She’s not quite sure on the edge of what but she’s a bag of nerves and elation all at once.
‘Hailey,’ he whispers as they step into the elevator. ‘I need to ask you something.’
And it’s him so she tells herself not to panic but she does a little. Can’t help it.
He turns to face her more fully. ‘How do you feel about me kissing you in your elevator?’
‘Oh my god,’ she laughs. But it works. Of course it works. He always reads her so well. Knows when to be quiet. Knows when to shoot her straight. Knows when to make her laugh. ‘Yeah, yeah I could get on board with that.’
‘Good,’ he mumbles against her lips before kissing her once more and this one is a little softer. A little less, oh my god this is happening than at the bar. Then again in the street.
This one is an, I’ve got you. We’ve got this. We’re good.
This one is everything falling into place in its quiet promise.
They pull back as the doors open and he reaches for her hand. A silent question there - is this okay? Because holding hands is a whole different thing to kissing someone.
Holding hands is more somehow. As an adult, it means more. You can kiss people in bars, but you only hold someone’s hand when you’re theirs. When they’re yours. When they’re the person you want to walk beside.
She feels the heat rise in her cheeks as she places her hand in his. Not letting go until she reaches her door and needs to get her keys out.
When they step inside, she shrugs out of her coat and she sees him hesitate.
‘Jay, take your coat off.’
He smiles at her then. A slightly bashful thing but he’s all too happy to comply. Hangs it in its spot on the hook beside hers.
‘You want a drink?’ she teases as her smile grows.
He grins right back. ‘Not really. Kind of just want you.’
Her heart stutters in her chest and she’s sure its rhythm matches his words.
‘Oh yeah? Funny how that worked out because I kind of just want you too.’
She’s not sure who reaches for who. Not sure who closes the distance.
What she does know is that she never wants to know another person’s kiss again. She just wants this.
Wants Jay’s hands in her hair and on her hips. Wants his toes touching hers.
Wants him breathing her name against her lips as their hips come together.
‘Hailey,’ he breathes out a little shakily. ‘I just - you’re sure?’
She frowns at him.
‘Not this,’ he says, a smile tugging at his lips. ‘The job offer. You’re sure about turning it down ‘cause how I feel won’t change if you want it.’
She tilts her head at him. Inches back a little to look in his eyes. Sees the truth in them.
His hands settle on her hips. Grounding her in the best possible way.
‘I’m saying I want you. I want this. Have done for the longest time. That won’t change if you want New York.’
‘Jay, what are you -?’ She’s not even sure why she’s asking. She’s staying. There’s nowhere else she’d rather be.
She wants this. Him. Here. The two of them leaning into this. She wants all the things she’s been too scared to have for years.
‘I’m saying, if it’s what you want and this is what you want,’ he says gesturing between them both with a soft smile, ‘then we can find a way.’
She rises onto her toes and kisses him. Kisses him until she needs to breathe, and she feels like she might actually combust.
And now it’s her turn to feel a little shaky when she speaks again. ‘Jay, I’m sure. I want Chicago. I want us to be partners. I want you beside me. I want this.’
‘Good.’
‘Can we get back to the part where you kiss me now?’
And there’s that smirk of his she’s grown to love.
‘Not an invitation from you I’m ever gonna turn down.’
And she realises in the way he’s looking at her, that he’s been saying this to her all along.
He kisses her once more and then she takes his hand and tugs on it. A silent invitation to follow her as she leads them both with giddy smiles to her room where they get to know one another in a hundred different ways.
Where she learns how it’s different with the right person. That it’s heat and laughter and want and a sense of security she’s never had before.
Where she learns when he presses her down into the mattress that he’s a little ticklish on his left side. Where he learns that she too has freckles; a whole trail of them scattered across her lower back that he traces with his fingers then chases after them with his lips.
Where she learns what it’s like to let herself be loved. To let everything else disappear until it’s just him. Just her. Until her heart swells with emotion for the man beneath her.
And maybe they’ve been stupid. Maybe they waited longer than they should have. Maybe all this longing could have been eased months ago. Years ago.
But they’re here now and it’s right. It feels so right it makes her stomach flip. Whatever happens from here on out, she’s sure of that. Sure of him.
Sure of them.
And when she wakes the following morning to his arm around her middle, to his whispered good morning and his soft smile, she knows they’re always going to be good.