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Sometimes Kyle thought he might sincerely hate Stan’s guts.
When they were kids, Kyle had truly thought the world of Stan; he had looked up to him. His best friend had always seemed so goddamned perfect in his eyes. He was a passionate, sensitive, and caring boy who always went out of his way to make Kyle feel like the most important person in the world. But now that he was older, wiser, Kyle could see all the parts of Stan that his child self had turned a blind eye to.
His best friend was insecure, cowardly, and selfish.
And yet, even as every flaw broke through Kyle’s false reality, he only seemed to fall more in love with Stan. He learned that loving someone didn’t mean loving them despite their flaws, but loving even the flaws. Loving all of them.
The truth was that Kyle loved Stan more than anyone in the world, and because of that, he hated him, too. He had heard it before: ‘Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.’ The first time he could remember hearing that was from Stan, but he had said it as a jab at Cartman for his incessant harassment of Kyle. He had thought it was pretty stupid back then. Bullying someone because you secretly desire them? It was immature. It was unoriginal. Boring.
But now Kyle truly understood that expression. Love and hate were connected through passion, and passion was something Kyle had always had for Stan.
It wasn’t as if it was completely out of the ordinary for the two of them to get into arguments, but these days, they seemed to fight with each other more than they ever had before. And at the same time that was happening, somehow, they had grown closer than ever before. Stubborn best friends, soulmates, co-dependent idiots… whatever you wanted to call it, it had started to drive Kyle mildly insane.
Most of the time, they argued about relationships.
“I just don’t think he’s a good match for you, that’s all.”
That was the line Stan would drop every single time he attempted to ‘apologize’ for his criticism of whoever Kyle’s current partner was. It didn’t matter if it was a girl, a boy, the nicest person in the world – Stan would never fucking like them. And sure, whatever, Kyle didn’t need Stan to like his partners. It would certainly be nice if he did, but it wasn’t the end of the world if he didn’t. No, the real problem was that Stan always had to make it known that he disliked them, and it would always put a strain on Kyle’s relationships.
‘Am I doing something wrong?’
‘Why are you even friends with him?’
‘Is there something going on between you two?’
Those were the questions that would always eventually come. And Kyle was sick of it – sick of defending his relationships to Stan, and sick of defending his friendship to his partners.
The last time Kyle had started dating someone, he had tried to end the cycle.
“You’re always a dick to me about my relationships. Can you just stop?”
Kyle had expected to hear the typical excuses – that Stan was just looking out for him, that he wanted better for him, blah blah blah. But that time, Stan didn’t say any of those things. Instead, he had crossed his arms, leaned against his locker door, and scowled.
“You’re a dick about mine, too.”
And that, now that had really pissed Kyle off. Because Kyle had held back so goddamn much when it came to Stan and his many, many girlfriends he had had over the years. Sure, maybe Kyle had let the occasional negative comment slip out, maybe he hadn’t always been as enthusiastic or as supportive as Stan would have liked him to be, but he was never spiteful. Not like Stan was. Kyle had, at the very least, always treated Stan’s girlfriends with respect.
He could have said all of this to Stan, but in that moment, Kyle hadn’t felt like it. Probably because he knew that Stan already knew all of this. Or maybe it was because he simply felt like arguing that day.
“Well, it’s not my fault you date people you don’t even fucking like.”
Silence ensued as the two simply stared at one another, mirroring each other’s furrowed brows. That was the first time Kyle had actually voiced that, but everyone knew it was true. Hell, even the girls Stan dated knew it.
“How about we come to an agreement,” Stan had unexpectedly suggested.
“An agreement?”
“Yeah,” he huffed as he pushed himself away from the lockers. “We agree to not talk to each other about our relationships anymore. At all.”
Kyle had sincerely contemplated that for a moment. Did not talking about each other’s relationships mean that Stan would stop being a dick to Kyle’s partners? Probably not. However, it did mean that Kyle would no longer have to pretend to be happy for Stan, and that Stan would no longer have to pretend that he had Kyle’s best interest at heart. So, there was that.
After they had come to this agreement, no more comments were made about each other’s partners. Kyle had genuinely let himself believe that maybe that would improve things between them, but their arguments never stopped. Instead, the closer they got to graduation, the more intense things between them began to feel. They started to fight without ever really knowing what exactly they were fighting about. They still laughed together, they still had fun at their sleepovers, but there remained an almost insatiable need to be angry at each other.
Perhaps the worst part of all of this was that at the same time this resentment grew between them, so did a new level of intimacy. Kyle couldn’t necessarily plead innocence and say that he wasn’t a part of the problem, but in his defense, most of the time it was Stan who initiated these moments. A lingering hand on Kyle’s thigh would turn into a gentle caress or squeeze, playfully linked arms would become interlaced fingers, and joking kisses on the cheek would almost always end with a kiss on the neck.
Kyle had tried time and time again to convince himself that Stan was just an oblivious idiot with a poor sense of boundaries, but it was useless. It so was painfully obvious that Stan knew exactly what he was doing. And believe it or not, this fact didn’t create any kind of crisis for Kyle. Stupid as it may be, he knew what all of this was. They both knew what all of this was. Sometimes it felt like everyone knew what was going on between them. They all knew, and yet, it remained a line that Kyle and Stan vehemently refused to cross.
And goddamn, if Stan would just admit it, Kyle would be able to, too. He knew he had just as much power to end this as Stan did, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to be the one to cave. Why should he? It obviously needed to be Stan.
At least, that was what Kyle had always told himself. But at this point, he wasn’t sure if maybe this had all just turned into some sick little game that neither of them were willing to lose.
This sadomasochism persisted all throughout their high school years, and now, that chapter of their lives had come to a close. Kyle wondered if they were meant to carry this quiet hatred into their adult lives; they were going to different colleges, so things were about to drastically change. They had promised that they wouldn’t stop seeing each other, but Kyle knew it wouldn’t be that simple. Would he meet someone in college who could convince him to finally let Stan go? Part of him wanted that, in a way, and yet another part of him was absolutely terrified of that possibility. He wasn’t sure that his life would ever make any sense without Stan in it.
But before they made it to any of that, they first had to survive their senior trip.
It was an optional trip that some of the kinder teachers had put together as a sort of post-graduation gift. Kyle honestly hadn’t wanted to go – Texas wasn’t particularly appealing to him, and Texas in July was even less appealing. It seemed like a long ass trip to take just for him to get a sunburn at some mediocre beach. Not only that, but they were also just three weeks away from starting college, and he really wanted to focus on preparing for that.
Surprisingly, Cartman had actually been on Kyle’s side and was equally disinterested in the trip, but both Stan and Kenny insisted that they all go. Their reasoning was that it would be their last opportunity to do something like this all together before going their separate ways for college. Which, sure, that much was true, but it wasn’t like they were never going to see each other again. And was a trip with so many of the people they hated from school really the best way to have their ‘last hurrah’ together?
But none of that seemed to matter to them, because all of Kyle’s protests had fallen on deaf ears. And so, that was how he ended up sitting next to Butters on some shitty ass charter bus for sixteen hours.
In all fairness, it really wasn’t that bad of an excursion. With his headphones in as a polite attempt at indicating he didn’t want to chat, Kyle was able to focus on the book he had brought along for the ride. It was a good way to both pass time and ease some of his anxiety about preparing for college. Despite his lack of enthusiasm about their destination, he felt at ease.
That was, until Stan started his usual bullshit.
Kyle had decided to sit next to Butters because Stan had decided to sit next to Bebe. The two had started dating just a few months ago, and as far as Kyle could tell, the only thing that Stan actually seemed to like about Bebe was the fact that she didn’t really give a fuck about anything. She didn’t text him all the time, she didn’t expect him to spend every weekend with her, and she didn’t even care when he forgot her birthday last month. This was surely a dream come true for Stan, because for once, he wasn’t criticized for not putting any effort into his relationship. But Kyle didn’t understand what Bebe was getting out of it; in his opinion, she was definitely too good to be putting up with Stan’s bullshit.
Stan had probably sat next to her in hopes that he might get to spend their monotonous bus ride messing around with someone. That was Kyle’s guess, anyways. He couldn’t give a damn enough to turn around and see what Stan was actually up to.
But soon enough, he didn’t have to, because every time Butters got up to go take a piss (which was occurring so frequently that Kyle considered suggesting that he get checked for a kidney infection), Stan would manifest himself into the newly vacant seat like some kind of overly attached apparition.
“Uuugh,” Stan groaned on one of his last visits to Kyle.
“What’s wrong?”
Stan laid his head against Kyle’s shoulder, and he immediately knew where this was going. Kyle did his best to keep his eyes on his book; he wished he could feel pissed off when Stan did this kind of shit, but instead, he’d just feel nervous. Giddy, even. And he hated it.
“Miss you,” he mumbled into Kyle’s shirt. His breath was warm.
“I think you’ll survive.”
Stan only groaned again, and then snaked one of his arms across Kyle’s waist in an awkward attempt at a half-cuddle. Kyle sighed so as to make his annoyance heard, but the physical contact was already starting to make his stomach twist pleasantly.
“Why don’t you take a break from reading and give me attention?”
Playful or not, Kyle hated it when Stan ordered him around like that. Probably because he knew that, with enough effort, it would work on him.
“Can’t do that,” Kyle attempted a refusal. “I’m trying to get a head start on my assigned readings.”
“Dude, the semester hasn’t even started yet. Why are you already doing homework?”
“College isn’t going to be like high school, Stan. You should probably start preparing, too.”
“Come on, man. Stop being a loser.”
Kyle could practically hear Stan rolling his eyes at him, and then the whole mood shifted.
“Why are you so excited for college, anyways?” Stan huffed. “I don’t get it.”
“First of all, getting a head start on homework doesn’t mean I’m excited, it means that I’m taking my education seriously,” Kyle explained as calmly as he could manage. “And second of all, why can’t I be excited? What’s wrong with that?”
Stan didn’t respond, but Kyle knew what he was thinking. He knew because Stan had brought it up so many fucking times now – he didn’t want Kyle to leave. He was angry that Kyle had decided to go out of state rather than stay at home with him. And that wasn’t fair. It was selfish. And frankly, Kyle was tired of talking about it.
He took a deep breath, and opened his mouth in an attempt to change the subject before things got heated. But right as he did, Stan quickly snatched Kyle’s book out of his hands.
“You can have this after you at least hug me back.”
For the first time since Stan had sat down, Kyle looked at him. There was his infuriating best friend – crankiness now replaced with a dumb smile, and bright eyes wholly focused on Kyle. How was he meant to turn that down? It was never a fair fight.
“You should have just sat next to me if you were going to be this clingy.”
Kyle was trying to seem unaffected, but it was too late for him, because he was already smiling back at Stan.
“Bebe would have gotten pissed,” Stan defended. They both knew that was a lie.
Because Stan knew he could get away with it, he moved his head onto Kyle’s now empty lap. Then, because this had happened so many times before, Kyle felt Stan’s hand on his own before he had even touched him. Giving in like always, Kyle allowed Stan to lead his hand to his friend’s unkempt hair, as he began to gently run his fingernails against Stan’s scalp.
They sat in silence for a few moments, but before long, Stan was pretending to readjust himself for comfort – a half-assed attempt to find an excuse to gently but firmly move his head against Kyle’s crotch. If they had been alone, he knew that Stan would have done this while facing him, doing his best to make his breath felt through the fabric of Kyle’s pants. It had happened a lot lately. But even Stan wasn’t dumb or desperate enough to do that on a bus full of people. Instead, he just laid there, pressed against Kyle’s already hardening cock, probably relishing in how easy this was. And Kyle let him, all the way up until Butters returned to reclaim his seat.
Regardless of the fact that they were all graduated, since the trip had been organized by the school, there was to be no co-ed rooming in their hotel. While Kenny had loudly complained about this restriction, Stan hadn’t uttered a single word. Kyle wondered if he would attempt to sneak into Bebe’s room, but as he and Stan settled into their shared space, no such thing was ever mentioned. It was actually Kyle who decided to bring her up.
“Sucks that you can’t room with Bebe, huh?”
Stan shrugged in response.
“It’s whatever.”
Kyle thought he was going to leave it at that, as he seemed more interested in unpacking than in talking, but then Stan suddenly tossed his things to the side and made his way over to his dingy hotel bed.
“It’s always you and me,” Stan resumed as he laid against his pillow. “And I like it that way.”
“Whatever you say.”
Kyle didn’t feel like directly acknowledging what Stan had just said, because it would probably develop into another unwanted conversation about college. He was too tired for yet another argument that would only serve to remind him of the impasse that he and Stan stood at.
“Also, I thought we weren’t going to talk about relationships anymore,” Stan suddenly added.
“Uh, sure, but since when did that mean not being able to even mention your girlfriend’s name?”
“It doesn’t mean that,” Stan said as he turned his head to look at Kyle from across the room. “Just feels like you’ve been bringing her up a lot lately.”
“Well,” Kyle shrugged. “You are dating her. It’s kind of hard to not bring her up.”
Stan said nothing, so Kyle resumed his unpacking in silence. He wasn’t sure why Stan seemed so eager to pick a fight now of all times. It was late; they had been on that goddamn bus all day, and Kyle didn’t have any energy for bullshit.
Once everything was unpacked and in its place, Kyle finally followed Stan’s example and flopped down onto his own stiff mattress.
“Sleep in my bed,” Stan requested only seconds after Kyle’s head hit the bed.
“Not tonight, dude,” he sighed. “I’m tired.”
For once, Stan didn’t push it, and Kyle was thankful for that. Exhausted from the long ride, it wasn’t long before his mind faded into unconsciousness.
The second day of their trip was the one Kyle had been dreading the most: beach day. He had no intention of getting into the water, and had instead planned on spending as much of the day in the shade as possible. As long as Cartman wasn’t in the mood to bother him, he could probably hold to that plan. Stan and Kenny would likely go swimming for the majority of the day, but Kyle really didn’t mind the alone time. It would be another chance to catch up on his reading.
“You sure you don’t wanna swim for just a few minutes?” Stan asked once Cartman and Kenny made their way to the water. “I’m sure you won’t burn that quickly.”
“You underestimate me,” Kyle sighed. “I’m not gonna risk getting burnt when we’re only on day two of this trip.”
“Alright,” Stan shrugged. “Fair enough.”
But Stan didn’t follow after Cartman and Kenny. He just sat there, watching as Kyle finished applying sunscreen onto his shoulders. After a moment too long of awkward silence, Kyle felt the need to say something.
“Can you help me get this shit onto my back?”
The words were out of his mouth before he even had time to think about what he was saying. The question, though innocent enough, was an invitation for touch.
“Yeah, dude. I got you.”
Going back on his request would only make things more awkward, so Kyle turned his back to Stan. He had expected to feel his friend’s hands on his back, but for some reason, nothing was happening.
“Uh, could you lay down?”
“Huh?” Kyle asked with a head twist in Stan’s direction.
“You’re fucking tall, dude. I can put it on better if you lay down.”
“Oh,” he nodded in response. “Sure.”
As soon as he had settled onto his stomach, Kyle realized there was actually no real reason for him to be in this position. Was Stan truly a fucking idiot, or did he just not care about being so obvious with his intentions?
“Wait, couldn’t I have just sat down?”
It was Kyle’s attempt at calling him out, but he knew Stan wouldn’t admit to anything.
“What’s wrong?” Stan snickered. “Afraid I’ll look at your ass or something?”
“Oh, shut the hell up,” Kyle mumbled as he turned his head away. Of course he’d just make a joke out of it.
As Stan laughed again, Kyle considered standing back up and walking away. But once he felt Stan’s hands on him, he decided against it. He hated how much he loved getting attention from Stan like this. And he loathed how gently he was touching him, especially because he knew it was intentional. As Stan lowered his hands so that they were now resting just above Kyle’s ass, he knew this was going to lead into something more than a sunscreen application.
“Did you, uh, get the back of your legs?”
He had.
“No.”
Slowly and silently, Stan moved his hands to Kyle’s thighs, and Kyle felt his entire face warm. The whole thing was pretty fucking stupid. Stan wasn’t even pretending to care about the sunscreen anymore; he just kept his hands firmly on Kyle’s upper leg, moving from outer to inner thigh, and gently gripping his soft flesh along the way.
They were in public, so Kyle wondered just how far Stan would go. Where would he draw the line this time?
Moving down his legs now, Stan had started to push up Kyle’s trunks so that he was touching the bare skin of his legs. Stan caressed him and let his hands return to the space right beneath his ass, now touching Kyle’s skin rather than cloth. Stan had completely abandoned the sunscreen, and was gently and repeatedly squeezing Kyle’s thighs. And Kyle said nothing; he made no objections and no demands. He was too excited to tell Stan to stop, and too nervous to tell him to keep going.
So, Stan seized his opportunity. Pushing his hands carefully and ever so slowly upwards, fingers now underneath the swim trunks, he began to fully and openly grope Kyle’s ass. It was the first time Stan had ever touched him like that, and as his entire body heated at the contact, Kyle found himself praying to god that it wouldn’t be the last.
And then, all too quickly, someone was suddenly standing beside them.
“Uh, Stan?”
It was Bebe’s voice.
She just stood there, staring down at them, as Stan’s hands remained firmly on Kyle’s ass.
Kyle felt his heart plummet straight into the pit of his stomach. His face turned from warm to burning, and despite the heat, he felt completely frozen in place.
And Stan laughed. He laughed like it was the funniest fucking thing in the world.
“What?” Stan laughed harder as he finally removed his hands from Kyle.
Kyle only heard Bebe sigh in response, and then Stan was standing up and walking away with her, without a single word of farewell or explanation to Kyle.
After that, Stan had stayed by Bebe’s side for the rest of the day.
On the final night of their trip, Stan repeated his request from their first day.
“Sleep in my bed.”
Kyle was silent; he hadn’t yet decided what his mood would be for the night. Realizing that he wouldn’t be getting a response, Stan spoke again.
“You’ve been pissy with me.”
“I haven’t,” Kyle said simply, though he definitely had been. Ever since that day at the beach, he had done his best to keep a certain level of distance from both Bebe and Stan. It wasn’t the first time Stan had touched him and laughed it off, but that time, it had embarrassed Kyle. It had hurt him.
“You have.”
Perhaps this was Stan’s attempt at giving Kyle permission to tell him off, but he didn’t really want to. Stan knew what he had done wrong, and Kyle wasn’t going to beg for an apology.
“Sleep in my bed,” Stan repeated yet again.
Kyle paused as he seriously considered his decision. He was still upset with Stan, but it wasn’t lost on him that this could be their last night alone before they left for college. And that was exactly why he knew it would be a bad idea to get into bed with him. He knew he should decline.
“Ask nicely,” he said instead.
“Please sleep with me, Kyle.”
He sighed as he wondered at exactly what point his life had turned into a series of such poor decisions.
“Get into my bed instead.”
Kyle wasn’t sure why he had made that demand. Perhaps it was so he could feel like he still had some semblance of control in this situation. It was a pathetic attempt, really, but Kyle was tired of feeling like Stan got to call all the shots.
Wordlessly, Stan slipped under Kyle’s blankets. The bed wasn’t really made for two people, but Kyle supposed that was kind of the point.
“Can we spoon?”
In lieu of a verbal response, Kyle simply closed the slim gap that remained between them, and slotted their bodies together. Stan raised his arm, and Kyle knew that he was meant to rest his own arm over Stan’s chest. They fit together perfectly; they always had.
Painful as it was, Kyle let his face fall into Stan’s hair as he embraced the comfortingly familiar scent that surrounded him. Despite everything that had happened, he couldn’t deny how badly he wanted this – needed this. To be close to Stan was to be simultaneously hurt and healed.
But then, Stan decided to cut the sweet moment short.
“Bebe’s mad at me.”
Kyle didn’t move. He hadn’t been expecting Stan to bring her up, especially not now of all times. He never mentioned his relationships during these moments.
“Okay,” was all he said back.
“It’s, um…” Stan faltered. “It’s not for the reason you’re thinking.”
That was the only time Stan had ever even gotten close to acknowledging the intimacy that sometimes transpired between them, and Kyle didn’t know what that meant.
“Okay,” he said again.
Whatever Stan was trying to say died there, and so they held each other in the quiet of the night. After a few moments of simply clinging to each other, Kyle decided to gently move Stan’s hair to the side so he could rest against the skin of his neck. Stan sighed in contentment, and Kyle knew that at least for tonight, the tension between them had passed.
“Missed this,” Stan mumbled against his pillow.
“Mhmm,” Kyle hummed into his neck.
He hadn’t meant to get a reaction out of him, but Stan suddenly shifted his body, mimicking the tactic he had used on their bus ride. This time, though, he didn’t stop. He kept moving, repeatedly feigning discomfort, until he was moving further into Kyle. Carefully and intentionally, he repeated this action, until he was not so discretely pushing his ass against Kyle’s groin.
They had ended up in plenty of compromising positions throughout their friendship, and it definitely wouldn’t be the first time one of them got a hard on while cuddling. Yet, something felt different. Usually, Kyle could pretty easily predict how far Stan would take things. But tonight, he had no clue, and that both thrilled and terrified him.
Their routine had always been the same: start out with a normal amount of affection, slowly push the boundaries of that affection until it blurred into something sexual, and then cut it off before it escalated so far that they’d have to address it later.
But that obviously wasn’t Stan’s plan for the night, because he continued to move as his ass remained firmly pressed against Kyle’s crotch. And it was fucking frustrating how slowly, perhaps even hesitantly, he was moving.
Kyle tried his best not to react, neither verbally nor physically, but the more Stan rubbed his ass against his dick, the harder Kyle got. He desperately wanted to know if Stan was hard, too, but he was too afraid to move his hands. Stan, on the other hand, was only growing more confident. In a matter of seconds, he had gone from moving discretely, to putting his entire body into the force of his reverse humping.
Kyle couldn’t decide if this was heaven or hell: should he embrace the pleasure, or should he fear the consequences?
Embrace it.
He needed to embrace it, because goddamn did it feel good to be so close to this boy who was now letting him shamelessly rub his almost painfully hard erection against the plush of his ass. Only the thin fabric of their boxers stood as a barrier between them. Kyle couldn’t even stop when he finally let a groan slip out; he only held onto Stan tighter, firmly grasping his breast as he continued to rut into him.
Kyle had no idea how things had escalated so quickly, but that thought was soon forgotten once Stan grabbed for the hand grasping at his chest, redirecting it to the hem of his boxers. Completely lost in the moment, Kyle let himself be led. Once his hand was placed onto Stan’s hip, and his fingers began to slip under his waistband, he carefully pulled Stan’s boxers downwards so that there was one less layer of fabric between them.
And then, all at once, Kyle’s brain switched back on.
“Wait, fuck, Stan – we shouldn’t be doing this. Bebe will –”
“It’s fine, dude. She won’t care.”
Kyle stilled as he tried to fully take in Stan’s words.
“What? Of course she’ll –”
“She knows, Kyle. It’s fine.”
“Knows?” he echoed in confusion. “Knows what?”
And he so desperately wanted Stan to say it, because whatever all of this was had never been given a name. What did Bebe know? What did Stan know? What did everyone know?
“It – it doesn’t matter right now,” Stan stuttered. “But I promise it’s fine. You can keep going, okay?”
It wasn’t the answer Kyle wanted, but Stan was giving him permission to break past a barrier they had never dared to cross. He couldn’t let that opportunity pass them by. Not after all these years – all these goddamned years of pining and wondering and teasing and yearning
“Please don’t let me go,” Stan said with pleading in his tone.
And just like that, they were crossing that line.
“Okay. I won’t,” he whispered into Stan’s neck.
Stan nodded almost anxiously, and then cleared his throat to speak again.
“Wait – check the bedside table. Top drawer.”
Kyle didn’t ask any more questions. Quickly turning onto his back, one hand still on Stan’s hip, he fumbled with the table drawer. Once his hand was inside, he immediately felt something that surely had to be a small bottle of lube. Feeling around the rest of the drawer, he realized there were no condoms. Shit, were they supposed go all the way? With no protection? And so suddenly, just like this?
And then Kyle couldn’t help but to wonder why Stan had even packed the lube in the first place. The thought that perhaps it hadn’t been brought with Kyle in mind unwantedly crept into his brain.
“Put it on and come back,” Stan said without changing his position.
Snapping back to reality, Kyle realized that Stan’s voice was shaking. Despite the fact that he had been the one giving all the demands thus far, he was obviously nervous. It felt so strange; Stan was almost never nervous around Kyle.
Doing his best to push away his own anxiety, Kyle did as he was instructed. As he pulled down his own boxers now, he was glad that Stan wasn’t looking at him. It was easier this way, slicking the lube onto his dick with at least the pretense of privacy. The action had done well to get him back to being fully erect, but once he turned towards Stan again, he had no idea what to do.
“What do you… Uh, should I, just…?”
“Just do what you were doing before,” Stan spoke quietly.
Kyle nodded, though he knew Stan couldn’t see him. Moving back into place, slotted against his friend’s bare ass, the now skin on skin contact felt immediately overwhelming. Despite the fact that Stan had just told him to do it, he felt like he wasn’t allowed to touch Stan like this – to let his cock touch him like this.
Likely sensing his hesitation, Stan grabbed for Kyle’s hand yet again, and led him back into an embrace as Kyle returned his hand to Stan’s chest. And then, starting back from the beginning, Stan pushed himself into Kyle, and re-set the pace for Kyle as he once again rubbed against him. After a few moments of getting back into their rhythm, now more quickly losing himself in the pleasure as his slick, wet dick rubbed against Stan’s warm skin, the anxiety in the room faded away.
This time, Kyle let his mouth fully connect to Stan’s skin; he lightly kissed his neck as he continued to hump into him. Stan moaned for the first time, and Kyle almost faltered at how goddamn good it sounded. He let Stan’s reaction encourage him further as his kisses became rougher, as his teeth began to graze skin, and as he sucked with the intent of marking Stan as belonging solely to him.
Stan moaned again and then shifted so that he was parting his legs ever so slightly. Kyle wasn’t exactly sure what his aim was until his dick slipped in between Stan’s thighs. It had happened so quickly that Kyle hadn’t even had time to properly register what was happening. All he knew was that one second he was rubbing himself against Stan’s ass, and the next, he was thrusting into the gap between his thighs so that his dick was fully surrounded by a pleasant mix of warmth and pressure.
After a few thrusts and unflattering grunts from Kyle, Stan pushed his thighs just a little closer together. Just that slight adjustment was almost enough to make Kyle bust right there between Stan’s legs. Doing his best to stave off the orgasm, he bit into Stan’s neck, and then it was Stan’s turn to be loud. Though it was dark and a little hard to see in the angle he was at, Kyle could tell that Stan had started to touch himself. He had intended on being the one to touch Stan there, but there was something unbearably hot about Stan pleasuring himself as Kyle thrusted into him. As Kyle began to fuck into his thighs harder than before, Stan did his best to match his pace, moaning louder and louder with each pump of his hand.
“I didn’t know you’d be so fucking loud,” Kyle announced as if he had always known they’d end up doing this.
He searched his mind as he tried to remember who was rooming next to them, because if they were awake, they could definitely hear Stan. But he quickly abandoned that task, because honestly, who the hell cared? Let them listen. It didn’t matter. Stan sounded so fucking wrecked – so fucking beautiful. When they were slotted together like this, like two puzzle pieces that should have never been pulled apart, everything felt perfect.
As they both grew close to climax, all Kyle could think to himself was, ‘I’m in love with him – I’m so goddamn in love with him that it could kill me.’ And yet, it didn’t kill him; they were alive in this stuffy hotel room, sweating together, pushing together, loving together.
Tell him you love him. Tell him you love him.
“You’re my favorite person,” Kyle suddenly gasped. “You always have been.”
They weren’t the right words, but it was close. Stan would understand. He had to understand.
In response, Stan could only manage a noise akin to a whimper, and suddenly Kyle was only seconds away from reaching climax. The closer it got, the more the realization that this would all soon be over set in.
“Stop touching yourself.”
Kyle had accidentally said it a little too aggressively, because Stan didn’t even question it. Despite the fact that he was definitely close to cumming, he completely froze in place. Without explanation, Kyle began to thrust aggressively, until his jerks became so rapid and haphazard that he finally released all over Stan’s legs.
Once he rode his orgasm out for as long as possible, Kyle slowed to a stop, and took a moment to catch his breath as he continued to cling to Stan. After a moment of recovery, it was clear that Stan wasn’t sure what to do next.
“Um, I –”
“Lay on your back,” Kyle quickly cut him off. He couldn’t deny it – it felt really fucking good to be the one in charge now.
Stan hesitated for only a moment, and then did as he was told. There was still enough light in the room that Kyle could see the outline of Stan’s now half-erect cock, and it felt almost surreal to be looking at him like this.
Before Stan had the chance to ask any more questions, Kyle sat up and positioned himself so that he was straddling Stan as he was laid back against the mattress. Stan took a deep breath, and Kyle could hear just how shaky it was. Looking unashamedly at his dick now, Kyle could almost have gotten hard again at the sight of his own cum dripping down Stan’s thighs.
“Fuck, you look good,” he sighed.
To Kyle’s surprise, Stan turned his face away. For the first time, Kyle realized that not only was Stan nervous, but he was also shy. He couldn’t ever remember a time Stan had been shy with him, and combined with the imagery of Stan covered in his cum, Kyle was eager to continue.
Without a second thought, Kyle reached for the bottle of lube that thankfully hadn’t been knocked off of the bed. Pouring only a small amount into his hands, Kyle couldn’t help but feel that their moment with the sunscreen had served as some kind of foreshadowing. Unable to resist getting revenge, Kyle did his best to imitate Stan’s touch from that day, as he gently and teasingly slicked Stan’s dick with the lubricant. But unlike that day, Stan certainly wasn’t laughing anymore – instead, he had already started to pathetically moan.
“I’ve barely touched you.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Stan groaned.
With only a few more pumps from Kyle, Stan was fully erect and breathing hard. Kyle loved this position – he loved being able to see every part of Stan as he stroked him. With his free hand, he pushed up Stan’s t-shirt so that he could see him as close to fully exposed as was possible in the moment. Stan was still refusing to look at him, so Kyle moved his free hand from Stan’s shirt to his face. Just roughly enough so that his head would turn, Kyle made Stan face him.
“I’m going to suck you off. Is that okay?”
Kyle had asked it without stopping his strokes for even a second, and Stan was nodding frantically in response. He really couldn’t bring himself to take his hand off of Stan’s dick, not when he was reacting like that, so he did his best to maintain his grip as he repositioned himself. This time, Stan didn’t look away. His eyes were practically glued to Kyle’s face as he lowered his face closer to his friend’s groin.
Breath hot and heavy against Stan’s cock, mimicking all those times Stan had done this through Kyle’s jeans, he hesitated for just a second as he slowed the pace of his wrist.
“You ready?”
“Kyle, fucking please –”
“Be patient,” Kyle cut him off yet again.
He was aware that perhaps he was having a little too much fun teasing Stan, but he really couldn’t help it. Making a show of sticking his tongue all the way out, Kyle moved the tip of his tongue to the base of Stan’s dick, and slowly and sensually licked from the shaft to the head. For a second, it sounded like Stan might actually cry.
Still not wanting to cease his torture, Kyle sweetly kissed the tip of Stan’s dick. Licking a second stripe up his shaft, he stopped to rest the head firmly against the center of his tongue. And just like that, Stan came.
Kyle hadn’t been expecting it, but Stan came so suddenly and so violently, with a cry that was indistinguishable from pleasure or pain, that he managed to finish both in Kyle’s mouth and on Kyle’s lips. Though he was caught off guard, Kyle didn’t pull back, and did his best to catch as much of Stan’s semen as possible.
Once he swallowed what he had caught, Kyle sat back up, and wiped his mouth against the shoulder of his shirt.
“That was fast,” he mused.
Stan immediately crossed both of his arms over his face, and Kyle was starting to realize just how good embarrassment looked on him.
“It’s not my fault,” Stan whined. “You made me wait so long.”
Kyle smiled affectionately at the boy, but the irony of those words weren’t lost on him. You made me wait so fucking long, too.
Though both the sheets and his shirt were filthy, Kyle’s disdain for uncleanliness was overpowered by the sudden need to be close to Stan. Laying back down beside him, he pulled Stan into his chest. Wordlessly, Stan wrapped his arms tightly around Kyle’s waist, holding him as if he were the only other person left on earth.
For a while, Kyle let them lie like this, sweetly glued together in their own mess. But he knew that at some point, they would have to break the silence and face what they had done.
“Why now?”
Kyle hadn’t meant to whisper it, but it felt like he might completely lose his voice if he wasn’t careful. And for a moment, he didn’t think Stan was going to respond. Kyle briefly wondered if Stan hadn’t understood the question, but then he spoke.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered back.
And that was all.
“When we were kids,” Kyle decided to say, “I thought the world of you.”
There was a pause, but then Stan squeezed Kyle tighter.
“And now?”
Kyle kissed the top of his head.
“I still do.”